The Club - Meeting 489 - Spanking/Disciplinary Authority and Its Limits (If Any)

"Obedience of the law is demanded; not asked as a favor.” - Theodore Roosevelt

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend a specific invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.  

 

I decided to post a little early, since I took a full week off and have a lot going on this weekend. And, I miss the discussion.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Ours was busy, with a week-long road trip leaving us glad to be back in our own house this weekend. Travel always seems to bring out the worst in me, but I felt like we had less bickering than on past trips.  Anne admits I’m right about that, yet she still announced her intention to deliver a spanking for what she viewed as several instances of snarkiness or annoyance.

 

 

Since we were in an RV, there technically was nothing stopping her from giving me a spanking on the spot. And, while she’s threatened it a couple of times now, several days later I’m still waiting and wondering if/when it will happen.

 

I do understand why she didn’t spank while we were camping, however.  Our trip spanned a holiday weekend, and there were other campers and tents all around us most nights.  A spanking delivered under those circumstances definitely would have been in line with this captioned photo:

 

 

Although Anne’s openness to being more open about her authority and about my spankings has jumped by leaps and bounds this year, it still hasn’t gone quite that far.   

 

And, that’s sort of the topic for this week.  How far do things go? How far should they?

 

I got to thinking about this in part because of an AI-generated story that Julie of the Strict Julie Spanks blog posted.  It is VERY long, but I would encourage you to give it a read, as it provides some context for today’s post.

 

The basic storyline probably is a familiar one to F/m spanking enthusiasts who have a disciplinary bent.  A wife, one with some innate dominant tendencies, stumbles on a magazine her husband had hidden away.  It has strong F/m domestic discipline themes.  

 

But, unlike the many stories in which (a) the wife confronts the husband, (b) he reluctantly admits his DD interest, and (c) they live happily ever after in a DD household, in this story the wife chooses not to confront her husband with her discovery but, instead, starts making suggestive comments and subtly bossing him around, to test the waters and start inching him in a particular direction. 

 

Between the two of them, "Emily" is the much stronger player, and she clearly aspires to be the real leader in the relationship, and not just a vehicle for servicing "John's" DD kink. In fact, her sense of having real authority depends to a large extent on not feeding his fantasies initially. 

 

She realizes that what she proposes to do will leverage his erotic interests in the long run, but first she wants to edge him toward accepting real authority from her in the absence of the anticipated erotic thrill.  She will nudge him toward submission first, then spring a real disciplinary spanking on him when a real opportunity presents itself, i.e. when he truly misbehaves but doesn't know he will be spanked for it.

 

And, of course, the opportunity does present itself.  Her husband acts up, he gets a  spanking he never saw coming, and he now has to wrestle with the reality of her authority without any pre-existing agreement about its bounds. 

 

The rest of the story is a series of vignettes in which we see the couple moving further and further into FLR territory, including her becoming much more open about her authority and more dismissive of his attempts to condition or limit it.   

 

There are verbal dressings down when he acts up in a store, followed by a spanking in a private area but with the sales girls knowing its happening.   

 

A spanking in a restaurant bathroom when he mistreats a waitress. The waitress walks in and witnesses, and he has to continue to take the spanking, mortified by the whole scene

 

Later, a spanking at the family BBQ in front of everyone.  Worse, instead of accepting the punishment and moving on, he sulks about it, culminating in a belting from Emily's strict disciplinary father. 

 

At each step, John gets punished, fails to learn a lesson, acts up again, and gets a more embarrassing punishment.  After each escalation he pouts and pleads, but she:

 

• rejects his attempt to limit her authority and, instead, adamantly asserts her total control over his discipline; and
• points out that he could easily have avoided the embarrassment and pain of his increasingly public spankings by not misbehaving in the face of known consequences.
  

 

In short, Emily moves things along incrementally, methodically employing an increasingly brazen form of “anytime, anywhere, for any reason.”

 

 

 Early on, she warns him:

 

“I want what’s best for you, for us. But you need to understand that I’m serious about this. If it takes a little public reminder to keep you on track, then so be it. It’s for your own good.”

 

The story got me thinking not so much about public punishments per se, but about a wife’s decision to really embrace those characteristics we often say we want. We (some of us anyway) say we want our wives to be strict. Unyielding. Resolved. Demanding. 

 

And, some of us want, or think we want, our wives to be willing to escalate in whatever way is necessary to bring about real behavioral change. 

 

 

Julie’s AI-generated story pushes a lot of buttons for those of us who have this perverse attraction to being subject to someone else’s strongly wielded authority. 

 

A public scolding. A scolding in front of a sibling that includes unmistakable hints at the existence of the DD or FLR relationship. 

 

An overheard spanking. Semi-public spankings. Witnessed spankings. Spankings by the wife's father, in the presence of the whole family.

 

Although Julie obviously guided it along, the AI platform did a surprisingly good job, in my opinion, of getting into the psychology of adult spanking as experienced by those of us whose interest is rooted in a desire for imposed authority.

 

For me, it was a timely read, because I’ve been thinking more and more lately about the extent to which I have a craving for Anne to take things in a more emotionally challenging direction.

 

When I think back over our 20 years in this lifestyle, the spankings that really stand out have little to do with the spanking itself.  Instead, they tend to involve times when she took things in a direction I didn’t see coming or to a level that really pushed some emotional buttons. 

 

In the very early days, when we tallied up a minimum number of swats for identified offenses, I had a "bad week," resulting in a seriously intimidating number of swats with the heavy fraternity-style paddle. Much like John in the story, I expressed concern that I couldn’t take it, having never taken anything close to that many before. To this day, I vividly remember Anne showing no mercy, telling me, “Well, that’s too bad because you earned it. You are going to take it.”

 

Or, there was the first time she called me at the office, telling me to come home at lunch for a serious strapping, sending me back to work to sit on a very sore bottom.

 

There was the first time she gave me a surprisingly hard spanking for repeatedly failing to do a household chore correctly.

 

Or, the first time she alluded very openly to the prospect of her spanking me, when others were within earshot.  I don’t think they heard, but they could have.

 

Or, the first time she really lit into me with a lecture that was cutting and really hurt my pride. But, after sulking about it for a couple of weeks, I accepted that it had been deserved. I also accepted that maybe it didn't really matter whether I accepted.

 

Today, even with the benefit of 20 years of increasing self-awareness about why I want and need this lifestyle, my strong desire for imposed authority leads to a very complicated mix of feelings. 

 

In virtually every other aspect of my life, I won't tolerate being subject to someone else's dictates.  Yet, in my marriage, I crave it.  Well, I crave it except when it's actually happening.

 

I think I did recognize early on that my attraction to DD included a perverse need to have my emotional boundaries pushed, but not with the clarity I have today.  

 

And, back then I didn't get that my DD fascination was related more to being subject to my wife's authority than to her spankings per se.

 

I’m not sure why it took me so long to really understand that aspect of my attraction, since broad female authority was replete in the DWC website content and handbooks that kicked off my interest in DD. Aunt Kay emphasized repeatedly what she saw as the very broad authority bestowed on disciplinary wives:

 

“A relationship where the woman of the house applies discipline to the men in her life, whenever and however she sees fit, is a happier, healthier and better world.”

 

“The first thing you must do is to explain the golden rule of your proposed (or existing) disciplinary relationship. He must render complete obedience to you with regard to disciplinary issues at all times and must be willing to carry out any and all orders you give him without question or hesitation.”

 

“If you feel the least bit sorry for him during all this, remember, a submissive man does not want a weak or lenient woman. He wants someone very strict and dominant. If he wanted anything different, he wouldn't be over your knees in the first place.”

 

“The definition of a DWC relationship is that the woman’s role involves providing moral and behavioral guidance to the man and invests in her the absolute authority to decide upon and wield punishments accordingly. The man’s role is to accept this authority and strive to gain benefit from it.”

 

“Receiving benefit from discipline begins well before you ever reach the point of actually experiencing an old-fashioned spanking.  It begins with your awareness of your wife’s personal power and your belief that she is indeed the right woman to handle you.  Expect to be obedient!”

 

“Remember where it all began.  You asked your wife to please take over your discipline.  You have empowered her to assume the maternal role and have agreed to take the child role with respect to discipline. You want, more than anything else, for her to be powerful, assertive and in control.  It is a beautiful thing, really. Your obedience and compliance will greatly assist her in reaching her full potential.”

 

I recall feeling gut-punched the first time I read the stories on the DWC website.  Twenty years later, it’s not surprising that DD has lost some of that emotional edge.  Yet, perhaps because I miss that emotional edginess, I find myself increasingly attracted to the idea of Anne becoming increasingly strict and increasingly open.

 

 

Yet, how would I react if she actually did? Would I have cooperated with a spanking in a crowded campground?

 

Honestly, I’m pretty sure I would have. Although I’m incredibly anti-authoritarian in all my other relationships, somehow I have accepted Anne’s authority so thoroughly that I have a hard time imagining truly balking at anything she might order, no matter how embarrassing.   

 

I’m sure I would argue and maybe even plead, but an actual refusal? Not likely at this point.

 

When I mentally place myself in each of the scenarios in Julie’s story, would I have given in, as John did?   

 

Accept a spanking in a place where it likely would be overheard? Yes.

 

Accept her letting others know about our relationship, on her terms?  Yes.

 

 

Accept being spanked in front of witnesses of her choosing?  Yes.

 

Accept being spanked by a family member, or anyone else, at her direction? Yes.

 

Many of us say we want an “anytime, anywhere, for any reason” approach to our wife’s authority. But, as someone pointed out, it’s really the first two of those that are where the rubber meets the road.

 

If we really want to fix problematic behavior, should the approach taken by Emily of escalating in whatever way is necessary, including public embarrassment, be on the table?

 

You could say this is about the distinction between a DD relationship and an FLR, but I’m not sure that’s all that helpful.  Some here insist that they are not in FLRs, yet when they describe the extent of their wife’s disciplinary authority, it sounds FLR-ish to me.  While we may have a general consensus on what something like Femdom entails, we don’t have nearly such a clear sense of where a DD relationship ends and an FLR begins, do we?

 

Regardless of what label you might assign to your relationship, how does it operate in terms of the breadth and depth of the wife’s authority? To what extent does the wife have the express authority to determine the where, when and why of it all? 

 

 

For the men, to what extent has she pushed that authority in ways you found difficult or embarrassing at the time? To what extent do you want her to push those situational boundaries in a way that you might find really difficult?  If you plow through Julie’s story, are there particular scenarios you think would challenge you the most?  Would you actually refuse to cooperate with a spanking-related decision made by your wife, or is it really anywhere, anytime, for any reason? In practice as well as in theory?

 

For the women, how do you view the extent of your disciplinary authority? Is it as broad (potentially or in reality) as Emily's in the story? Would you want it to be? 

 

Is the idea of exercising that kind of control something you find appealing, even if you might never go there in reality?

If your husband was like “John,” constantly acting like a child or embarrassing you in front of others, what would your level of compunction be about taking him to task publicly?  Where are the lines? 

 

To what extent do you feel comfortable escalating in whatever way it takes to root out the behavior you don’t like?  When he does repeat the same bad behavior, is the escalation path simply more spankings? Harder spankings? 

 

Or, would showing your authority in public be on the table?  What about giving a spanking where it almost surely would be overheard, like KOJ's tale of being taken to a room and spanked during a crowded party?  His reaction to the experience sums up my current morbid attraction to having my emotional boundaries pushed:

 

“I also totally agree that escalating the punishment to semi-public had a profound effect on me and our relationship. It planted a healthy fear in my heart and made it clear how much authority she really wielded!”

 

It’s that healthy fear of what she might do that I feel like I’m wanting, though I am very well aware of how it likely would rock my emotional world if it actually happened.

 

Have a great week.