Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples
Club. Our weekly meeting of men and
women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female
Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend a specific invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.
I hope you all had a great week. Ours was about as hectic as it could get. Anne is convalescing from the procedure I alluded to last week, and it’s going to be a multi-week—multi-month, really—grind. We spent this week trying to get settled into some semblance of a routine. I do think we have it a little more under control than I worried might be the case at this point in the process.
It's a tough time of year to be confined to our house. We had “grounding” as a topic a few weeks ago, and I now have a good sense of what it probably would feel like as an adult. It’s going to get harder. Where we live, from year to year September can feel like either an extension of summer, or a prelude to autumn.
Until last week, summer was hanging in strong and, since it’s not my favorite season, I didn’t feel like I was missing that much being cooped up in a hospital room and then in our house. But, yesterday we got a change in the weather that felt decidedly like autumn is coming. As our long-term visitors here know, autumn is by far my favorite season, culminating with Halloween. It's going to be rough being indoors for a lot of the season. But, such is life.
I thought we had a great discussion last week. Thanks to all of you who shared your origin story. If there is one big takeaway from the discussion, to me it is “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Most of the relationships began with a man finding the courage to overcome his embarrassment and talk to his wife honestly about his Domestic Discipline needs, and a wife who was open enough to give it a try even if they didn’t fully understand the “why” part. Like many of the men, whatever regret I have about bringing DD to Anne's attention is the one I hoped to have from the very beginning, namely that she would take it up with determination and make me experience some of the natural regret that comes with being subject to someone's hard discipline.
My only regret about my own origin story is that it didn’t happen earlier in our marriage, though I don’t know whether either of us would have been open to it. Things happen when they happen. For me, the challenge is making sure I am open to growing it in different directions, knowing that I may not know when and how such opportunities will arise. I hope I’m more open to having an unconventional life in the second half of my life than I was in the first, regardless of who knows about it or what they may think.
Unfortunately, things have been so hectic this week, I haven’t had time to think about an actual topic. If something pops into my head, I might post later in the week. But, in the meantime, let’s do a couple of things.
First. if you haven’t had a chance to talk about your own origins story, let’s please keep that conversation going. Go ahead and do it as a comment on this post, so people don’t have to navigate back to last week’s.
Second, since I’m once again not doing so well at generating new ideas, please give me suggestions for topics you might want to talk about.
Have a great week.
I'm curious whether wives have a set method of punishment or vary it depending on the offense, or just their mood. I have had impromptu spankings where the scolding, punishment, and after-spanking warnings were all over in less than 15 minutes, and of course mostly much longer ones. Almost all are over the knee with a hairbrush, but my wife will add on a switching if a switch is available. I have occasionally had my face slapped for being too slow to cooperate or for responding disrespectfully to an order to get ready. I have not seen anyone mention that occurring but would be surprised if it doesn't happen. And finally I wonder whether wives spank in the merciless way that Aunt Kay preached. Mine does not. I am sore for another day or two but certainly not for a week.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have really latched onto this idea that the spankings on the DWC site are "merciless." I certainly don't see it that way. In terms of duration, most of those depicted seem to be either consistent with what I receive or maybe slight less (though, many of the stories don't specify). In terms of severity, it's difficult to judge but I can infer much from the instrument being used. I would say that even the hardest hairbrush spanking pales in comparison to the bath brush, which is Anne's go-to instrument. As for the "sore for a week," I'd say for me it's more typically a couple of days, but it's not uncommon for there to be some deep soreness that I'll feel several days later. And, when we were first starting, even a spanking I would now describe as typical would leave me very bruised and sore. There also wasn't a lot of face slapping going on in the DWC, which honestly seems to me to be a lot more Femdom-ish and less "merciful" than 99% of the content on the DWC.
DeleteTom wrote: “I have occasionally had my face slapped for being too slow to cooperate or for responding disrespectfully to an order to get ready.”
DeleteI don’t know how common having your face slapped is, but both women who have disciplined me occasionally used it in circumstances similar to those described by Tom. The first time was with my former G.F., who thought I was being defiant about submitting to a spanking. (challenging her authority) That was spontaneous with her and surprised her as much as it did me. She actually apologized but then said I had deserved it.
The effect on me was instant cooperation and obedience. When it happens, it still puts me in a zone that feels like being on automatic pilot. All of the resistance leaves me. All that said, the times I have had my face slapped in almost 30 years of DD is undoubtedly less than ten or so. It is infrequent but also very effective. I would be surprised if more women in established DD didn’t use it once in a while.
Alan
No Dan, not ""the spankings on the DWC site" but rather the kind of spanking precisely recommended by Aunt Kay herself.
DeleteWhether it's the stories or Aunt Kay's descriptions in the Tips & Methods, no, I don't see anything "merciless" or over the top about them. If anything, the OTK position coupled with the hairbrush would lead me to put them in the likely "moderate" category. In fact, if you're doing "mostly much longer" than 15 minutes, sounds like yours are longer than most of what Aunt Kay and the DWC describes. I don't time them, but a long one for me would probably be 5 or 6 minutes, and those depicted in the DWC videos were usually shorter than that.
DeleteAlan, the effect of a slap certainly is what you describe. You immediately cease any hint of defiance and do as ordered. In my experience, the slaps have been delivered in a very calm and deliberate way, and I realize I have made a serious error of judgment.
DeleteMy wife uses an oversized egg timer (3 mins) and her go to implement is the London Tanner Irish school strap. She will often start and then remember to up end the timer. Equally she will often ‘forget’ to check that the timer has finished or flip it over for another 3 mins.
DeleteI am over the end of the bed and every beating is preceded by a clear explanation of why ‘this is happening’. Three to six mins may not sound long but that strap is quite severe and I would guess it lands on average every two seconds meaning somewhere between 90 - 180 strokes. I can often feel the effects for several days. I would not use the word ‘merciless’ but these are memorable punishments which do, generally keep me in check for a week or so. TB
Your count confirms my own estimates of the number of strokes Anne typically employs. It's seldom less than 200 and probably approaches 300. I say "probably" because for some reason, even when I try to count, I never, ever manage to count to the end. Your count helps confirm my estimate because ours probably go around 5 minutes, compared to your three. For me, there would be little point in her going much longer, as I am usually starting to get numb. Though, as I believe ZM pointed out, the longer spankings may result in longer soreness, so if the goal is "you won't be able to sit for a week," a longer spanking on a numb butt might actually have a purpose.
DeleteMy Mistress and I have been at this for about two years. We have been married for over thirty as I mentioned in my origin story. The implements have grown inn number and there are over a dozen now. She almost always punishes me with me naked and bent over the edge of the bed. There is a chiffarobe across the room that has a mirror on it so I am able to see her pretty well. She is pretty rapid fire and starts with a pickle ball paddle which is very stingy and 50 to 100 strokes warm things up very well. By the 10th stoke I am usually yelping with each one. Often after that she uses a bath brush for 30-50 hard strokes and then either a small but very thuddy bloodwood paddle with holes in it that actually has all of the rules digitally engraved on it. Many times after 30 or so with that she will use the French Martinet by London Tanners and then return to one of the others and usually finishing with 30-50 with the Pickle ball paddle. Yes by this time I am usually numb and have reached the “Surrender” talked about by Aunt Kay and JC Cole on Medium. The thing is though and this is important for me to get the fear “And OMG this is terrible and there is nothing I can do about it” effect…I don’t ever know what is coming next or when it will end. It is usually over in 5-7 minutes I would guess but have never timed a session.
Delete"The thing is though and this is important for me to get the fear “And OMG this is terrible and there is nothing I can do about it” effect…I don’t ever know what is coming next or when it will end."
DeleteI agree completely. For me, knowing precisely how much I was in for would be counterproductive.
Dan, the fifteen minutes number includes the scolding and preparation before, the spanking, the admonishments afterwards (and perhaps some comforting). A longer spanking would include more minutes of each of those elements.
ReplyDeleteMy wife is far from merciless although I know that she thinks she is. I told her the other day that I don't think she has ever spanked me to 100% submission. That confused and frustrated her. I want to be spanked to the point that I just give up and give myself completely to her authority. We have come close a handful of times yet I always feel she could have continued until I was so far over the edge that I gave her full control. However, I am find that her being more consistent is producing more submission in myself. We have a rule that if she senses a lack of submission or any disrespect that I will have 20 minutes of corner time every day until she sees a change. After almost a week of daily time in the corner thinking about being submissive and respectful I was finally let out of having to do it yesterday. Maybe because the day before I had gotten both corner time and a severe spanking for back talking. My bottom was still sore and no way was I going to get another spanking so I was really well behaved and respectful. We even went out with friends last night and I followed her directions to maintain my good behavior. She was so proud of me when we got home she said I I didn't have to do the corner time last night. That means I'm off the hook until she sees some lake of submission or disrespect. Then it will be reinstated.
ReplyDeleteWard, I could have written a lot of this myself about the course of our DD relationship. Anne is clearly very ambivalent about what I call "surrender," as shown especially by tears. I think part of her is concerned about how she will react if I ever do cry, yet I think there is a hit to her disciplinary ego in never having brought it about. I don't know whether I will ever get there, but I'm pretty confident that if so it isn't going to be because a single session was especially long or hard.
DeleteSimilarly, I've come to believe that consistency and certainty of being punished are by far the most important factors in bringing about a real attitudinal change in me. It's funny, but I went back and read some of my earliest posts on this blog, and virtually from the very beginning I identified lack of consistency as the primary thing that was missing, and 20+ years later it's the same complaint. Any positive change in that direction makes such a difference. Earlier this year, we had a short phase in which she was getting much more consistent, with spanking clearly "top of mind" for her in a way it really wasn't in the past. It really did make me way more cautious about my behavior in certain areas.
I read through the DWC hundred of times over the years. I agree that I do not see anything “merciless” about the punishments given. What might work for one couple, might not work for another. I do not receive as many thrashings as some here do. I’ve learned rather quickly to toe the line or else. I do deserve more than I receive. My wife has taken a lot of the type A, stubborn, impatient, insensitiveness out of me. She thrashes me hard enough to get her point across, but not so severe as a week later I’m still hurting. She had a minor procedure done and DD was on the back burner for about a month. Last night, i was irritable about a few things and she said without skipping a beat, “i know a good thrashing will get you out of your mood”. You are quickly surprised how hard it hurts after not being on the receiving end in sometime. Ward, I felt like you in then beginning with being thrashed to “giving in”. I noticed overtime there seemed to be too much pressure being placed on our defined roles. As we refocused our efforts, I read a lot less into other people’s DD ie DWC and focused on how well ours was going. The thrashing put me in a better mood and I’m sitting tenderly today. My wife is on the mend which is great news. As far as face slapping goes. My wife has used it maybe two or three times in our relationship. I made an insensitive remark to my wife. I had agreed to be face slapped when need be. I feel it’s the most degrading thing to a man and for me took me down a 100 pegs. I was then paddled to the point where I could of had tears if it had gone on longer. It was the only time I remember feeling truly like dirt. I apologized profusely. This was early on in our relationship. She has not used it much since then, but I agree that it is a game changer when used in the proper context. We haven’t used corner time as much, but I know when she is mad. After a thrashing she has used, “get out of my sight”. To me that hurts more than corner time.
ReplyDeleteT
"You are quickly surprised how hard it hurts after not being on the receiving end in sometime."
DeleteOnce Anne is further along in her convalescence from her recent procedure and the next spanking inevitably happens, I know it is going to be off-the-charts painful, because this will be the longest we've gone without one, and gaps of even a month or two hurt like hell.
Sounds like we have a developing topic around "face slapping"!
I totally get how the "get out of my sight" comment could be very hurtful, though also very effective. See my response to Norton, below, regarding my reactions to a very stinging lecture.
DeleteMy wife has slapped and will swat my arm, legs or bottom if she is irritated with something I do or say. It’s never been in the face. I’m not sure what effect that would have on me. It’s not playful, but it’s not hard either. It sort of a warning that says, “Get it together or we’re going upstairs(my punishments almost always take place over the bed upstairs). She also has very scary non verbal, facial expressions that tell me I’m not behaving to her liking and a also a stingy little pinch that says, “You’re talking to much or being inappropriate.”
DeleteAs far as what she gets out of it…She has always been a tough, smart, strong woman in relations to business, friends and family. She is assertive without being aggressive and always stands up for herself, but I do believe I have noticed a general increase in confidence and self esteem…especially confidence in dealing with me. She will get my input on what I want to do for the evening, what we eat, watch on TV, where we go and if it will be alone or with friends, and before DD we usually did what I suggested, but now there is an obvious consideration to what I want and then She makes the decision. I really appreciate and like this aspect of our FLR with DD relationship, and I think she has obviously benefited as well. And, obviously she gets a much more well behaved husband in between disciplinary sessions.
Dan said: “Sounds like we have a developing topic around "face slapping"!
DeleteI would welcome some sharing of experiences and attitudes about this. Most of the online material I have seen has been fem-dom stuff featuring men who fantasized about it or videos of face-slapping “scenes.” That is not the experience I have had.
It is certainly not a fantasy for me, and it has been rare. But its effect in the context of impending discipline is stunning, both when it happens and in reflection. It shuts down any defiance or resistance to what is happening and makes me want to do whatever she wants. I have thought about why that is so.
I don’t have a complete answer. But it has something to do with a powerful exercise of her authority -as in, “I am very serious about this, and you DO NOT want to disobey me. “ It both establishes her as completely in control and, simultaneously, makes me want her to be in control. Maybe some others will contribute their experiences here. The topic deserves some discussion -pros, and cons.
Alan
Alan,
DeleteI don’t particularly care for the Femdom scenes online. I think most are a joke and as far as face slapping goes, I don’t like what I have seen out there. My wife has used it about three times and its certainly got my attention. It demasculated me immediately and I knew I was in big trouble. I felt embarrassment, remorse, and guilt. This was before the severe strapping I was about to receive. My wife has had a few moments that between the scolding and strapping has significantly put me in my place.That was one of those times. I became a puddle of mush so to speak in her hands. The slap was hard enough to get my attention. I actually felt a bit of anger and immediate remorse, because I realized what I said was hurtful. It was the perfect time for her to utilize it. I was surprised, it caught me off guard. I would not want it used along with my thrashings. I think it should be utilized as a tool but for us I have never made an insensitive comment like that again. That strapping was also one of the hardest I’ve had from her. She was upset and took it out on my bottom.
T
T,
DeleteThere does seem to be a pattern of it being used infrequently, but when it is used, having a daunting effect. It would be interesting to know if women who use it plan in advance to do so --- or do it spontaneously in the moment. The latter has been my experience, although my wife now knows its force and has used it strategically several times.
If it was used often, I think its effect would diminish. Part of its impact on me is that it is surprising when it happens, underscoring its seriousness. There is also something deeply psychological about being face-slapped leading up to discipline. However, I don’t’ feel demasculinized by it as much as being firmly put under control. There are things she could do to humble me that way, but face-slapping doesn’t elicit feelings of humiliation.
Alan
Anne hasn't used it and, as I said to Tom, I usually do think of it as Femdom-ish. But, Alan and T, used in the way you describe, I can see how it would be both effective and daunting in reinforcing just how unacceptable or serious certain conduct was.
DeleteRegarding how prevalent it is, I have no idea but I did do a quick search in my pretty extensive collection of spanking art and memes. I suspected there wouldn't be many examples involving face slapping, but the number turned out to be zero. Though, my ability to cull down to a particular example depends on both (a) whether/how I tagged it, and (b) whether it includes pertinent searchable text, such as in this case teh word "slap."
Regardless of how you interupet the DWC stories as to how merciless they were, the actual spanking I received from Aunt Kay was definitely over the top for me. There is a big difference between the fantasies I had from reading the DWC stories and what an actual disciplinary spanking was like. In general, there seems to be this dichotomy for many of us between the fantasy and the reality around what we want. Most of us, myself included, often express how we want our wives to be more strict, and wish they would spank harder and longer than they do in order to get us to the point of submission. I guess Aunt Kay did me a favor by demonstrating to me what I quickly realized was way too much.
ReplyDeleteShe helped me understand that what I imagined I wanted was much more than what I really wanted. Her advice was to have each spanking be hard and long enough to be a memorable experience, and not to worry about the marks. I get over 100 spankings a year, so each one isn't going to be memorable. It is just part of our day to day lifestyle. She also used to say the harder and longer you spank him, the more he will love you. I appreciate that idea more than I used to, but again, there is a limit to how much I really want. So one topic could be about the difference between our fantasy and the reality of what we want, and how close we come to getting what we imagine we want. Most of us are very appreciative of whatever we get, and in order for real DD to be effective, she must get something out of it. "What does she get out of it?" could be a topic where more women might be likely to contribute.
"She helped me understand that what I imagined I wanted was much more than what I really wanted."
DeleteI think for some there is a dichotomy or paradox, but I think for some of us it is resolved in a way reflected in this Aunt Kay quote from one of the DWC manuals:
“My goal is for you, the man in the relationship, to one day ask yourself, "Oh, NO! What did I get myself into?" as you await an upcoming spanking session that you desperately want to avoid. Yes, that's right. I want you to be genuinely anxious and dreading an upcoming discipline session. Why would I say such a thing? Because it means your wife has taken the role of disciplinarian seriously, has made a decision that you are going to get a good sound licking, and you have nothing to say about it. It is the essence of a DWC relationship."
For me, there was an epiphany after Anne gave me a couple of very stinging lectures last year that left me downright resentful. I talked to Aunt Kay's husband about it, and he said something to the effect of, "Well, a really bad scolding is very hard to take. It just is." It got me thinking about the difference between what I "want" (little picture) and what I know I need (big picture). I kind of knew this already, but something about the process of getting over a scolding that really bruised my ego and made me think harder about what I did that lead to it, and harder about the authority we had agreed Anne would have, led me to face up to the fact that if I was getting only those punishments that I "wanted", then was I really giving up any of the control I said I wanted to give up and, at bottom, was it really disciplinary at all?
I'm not saying that a spanking has to be over-the-top hard to be disciplinary. But, I am saying that if all a husband is getting is what he wants, then maybe he should be questioning whether what he really wants is discipline, or is it something else?
FYI, I don't remember where she said this, but I do recall that somewhere on the DWC website or, more likely, in one of the DWC publications Aunt Kay said that one thing she liked about the group sessions was that some of the men wanted spankings that were much harder than her husband could take, and she enjoyed giving them. Her husband has admitted to me that he definitely wasn't "heroic" in his level of pain tolerance. On the other hand, I have always had an unusually high tolerance for physical pain.
Since I started this discussion I should describe my own experience. My wife’s spankings are similar in format but differ greatly in severity. She always starts with a brief scolding, then removes my pants and shorts. She does this herself, no doubt as a sign of her complete control. She then sits on the bed and orders me over her lap. Her manner is calm but very stern. She ordinarily uses a heavy old hairbrush, but occasionally a short strap or wooden ruler. She does not want to leave bruises, so in a long spanking she will put down the brush and use her hand. She is athletic and strong, and her hand is hard for a woman. It is quite painful on an already sore target.
DeleteFor a minor offense, like sarcasm directed against one of her friends, the spanking and scolding may be over in a few minutes. I am then allowed to apologize and get up and get dressed.
For more serious things, like deliberate defiance of her directions, prolonged grouchiness, etc. the scolding and spanking will be longer and more severe.
I may remain over her lap for twenty minutes, though most of that time will be scolding with me expected to explain my actions and apologize for them.
The hairbrush may be in use for just five minutes or so, her hand a few minutes more.
When it’s over it’s over. She gives me a hug and reminds me of it only when she thinks it necessary. I consider myself fortunate that way.
She does not have a set method of administering discipline except to do it immediately after the infraction if at all possible. If she learns about it later, I get spanked as soon as she learns about it. Various implements are used and I am always stripped when spanked. If we are away from home, I still get it on the bare and most often get another spanking when we return home. She has no set time or number of strokes, but rather spanks until she feels it is sufficient for the offense. At times she has told me to remain in position and she returns in a short time for more spanking. For very serious offenses, I get a spanking for several consecutive days.
ReplyDeleteMy wife has slapped my face a few times, during scolding she felt I wasn’t really listening? The slap got my attention big time. When I blurted out a four letter word she left the room and returned with a bar of soap , washed my mouth and really blistered my behind. Haven’t cursed since.
DeleteSeveral writers have somewhat alluded to this question, but maybe an explicit rephrasing might make a subject for future discussion:
ReplyDeleteThrashings can be administered for: (1) Punishment towards behavior modification (including overt expressions of mood/general attitude); (2) Inducing and getting expressions of subjugation, submission and respect for wife's authority; or (3) Combinations of both.
Do members get all of these kinds of thrashings? More some than others? How does your wife accomplish the "subjugation to surrentder" thrashings, and how well do they work, for both husband and wife?