“There are moments when
one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely-or
dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its
hypocrisy demands.” – Oscar Wilde
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend a specific invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.
I hope you all had a good week. Ours has been pretty painful, literally and figuratively. This was the week that a lot of the medical stuff I referred to a few posts ago really came to a head, at least with respect to Anne's issues. So far, so good for the most part, but I expect the next several weeks to be pretty bumpy, so I’m going to be playing blog posting by ear.
The one clear impact of the medical drama is that, coming on top of what had already been a substantial lull, this period likely will go down as our longest hiatus from domestic discipline since we started almost 20 years ago.
On the one hand, that is an obvious downer. On the other hand, maybe it gives us an opportunity to break out of the old patterns and lift ourselves out of the established ruts, possibly allowing us to set up a deeper, broader dynamic once recovery schedules allow.
In the short term, it does mean I may need to recycle some content on the blog; more so than I generally like doing. As I was pondering that, it occurred to me that we do have several new regular participants including, for the first time in a while, multiple Disciplinary Wives.
While we old-timers all know each other’s “origin” stories, i.e. how we found ourselves in these unconventional relationships, some of the newer folks haven’t shared theirs.
So, let’s do that. Although many have probably pieced together
mine, or read it all in an older post, it has been a few years since I did a full post on origins. So, I’ll kick it off, relying mostly on some
previous posts but adding or changing where I’ve gotten new or deeper
insights. I hope some of the old-timers will join me in telling their stories, even if they've done so before.
I grew up in the heart of the Bible Belt, which also seems to have been the heart of the “spanking belt.” However, despite the fact that corporal punishment was pervasive both at school and in most homes, I don’t recall getting it a lot myself. It probably happened more than I have specific memories of, though that goes to show that while it was all around me growing up, it wasn't something that got a lot of conscious mind share.
My mother had a forceful personality, but as I got older she became increasingly erratic when it came to parenting. My stepfather was a hyper-masculine force of nature but also very anti-authoritarian. When I was in high school, he told me that his basic approach to rules was that he wasn’t going to lay down any as long as whatever trouble I got myself into was something I got myself out of.
The result of their parenting styles—hers erratic and his almost entirely “hands-off”—is that I grew up with few real boundaries and none that were really enforced.
At the time, I thought that was a teenager’s wet dream. I’ve now come to appreciate, however, how much pressure it imposed, being given carte blanche to get myself into trouble but knowing I had to get myself out of it. (I’ve come to believe that teenagers, especially high energy ones with a proclivity for risk taking, need enforced boundaries.)
And, on basic good behavior things around the home, there was certainly nothing like this going on:
While I can speculate about why my not-very-rigorous disciplinary background developed into a fascination with the idea of imposed boundaries and power dynamics later in life, it really is just speculation.
All I know for sure is that, unlike most of the husbands who come to this blog, I did not have any early interest in spanking, let alone any fetish-like fascination with it.
In fact, from at least high school through the first decade of marriage, I don’t recall thinking about it at all.
Yet, it's also true that I always had a thing for older women. With the benefit of hindsight, I now think it probably was strong female authority I was gravitating to, rather than a pure age thing. Though that wasn't something I understood at the time, had any of the older women (teachers, principals, friend's mothers) I crushed on tried to impose their authority on me in more forceful ways, been into it, I don't have much doubt that I would have given into it.
But alas, such an early introduction to female authority expressed in a disciplinary fashion never happened.
Anne was not older than me and didn't have that air of maternal authority when we met.
While we were never what I would consider repressed, our first decade of married life was pretty conventional. Overall, we had a good relationship, but it was not particularly well-balanced. I had always been more than a little, shall we say, “Type A,” with an intense personality. I also was prone to doing everything—both positive things and negative things—to excess.
When my wife and I first met, she probably found that brashness attractive. But, I doubt she envisioned that, ten years later, very little would have changed.
Anne was less brash and bold than I was, and probably more emotionally well-balanced, but I think it's fair to say she had trouble asserting herself. She was raised in a very
traditional, male dominated family. Her
dad worked, her mom raised the family, and there was little overlap between
those roles. When they argued, which was fairly frequently, she pouted and gave him
the silent treatment, and he slept on the couch for a few nights. Anne admits that she brought some of those
same dispute resolution mechanisms to our marriage.
My intensity and her lack of self-assurance did not create a good balance. And, while we weren't unhappy, neither of us was living up to our potential either. Thanks to my temperament and anti-authoritarian tendencies, I had a tendency to "step on my own dick." And, as much as I may have thought I liked having no rules growing up, I was now in my late thirties and still feeling out of control and sometimes overwhelmed with the responsibility of making too many decisions.
My wife, on the other hand, was not developing into all she could be. Despite accumulating degrees and professional accomplishments, she still had a hard time taking charge. She also had her mom’s tendency to pout and flounce instead of taking me head on when my excesses became, well, excessive.
Then, seemingly out of the blue, something happened to shake up that thoroughly conventional, yet thoroughly dysfunctional, dynamic.
Although I didn’t have wide-ranging experience, I had always been pretty erotically-oriented and open to learning about various kinks. I had become a fan of an HBO series called “Real Sex,” which explored all sorts of kinky lifestyles. They devoted one segment to adult erotic spanking, featuring a couple spanking each other with leather paddles and a riding crop. It turned me on; not extraordinarily so but enough that I had Anne watch it.
She had zero interest in being spanked but was happy to try it on me. So, a few days later I bought one of those flimsy leather paddles sold in adult “novelty” shops.
Although our experiments with erotic spanking were fun, it never went beyond a sort of “BDSM Lite” foreplay. There were role play aspects, in which she would "punish" me for various real misdeeds. After a few modest swats with the flimsy leather paddle, we would have sex.
The problem was, while the spankings were fake, the bad behavior was real. Since the spankings merely stung a little, and it all ended in a nice orgasm, I essentially was being rewarded for bad behavior.
She became concerned (rightly) that she was inadvertently reinforcing bad behavior and soon put an end to the whole thing. That phase lasted for two or three months at most.
It didn't bother me that she
had ended our spanking experiments. It hadn't been that big a thing for either
of us. But, I remained interested enough
in it that I would read spanking stories when I found them in publications like
Penthouse Variations, and I assume I was interested enough to look for Female-male spanking materials on-line.
I don’t recall exactly how I found it, but at some point I came across a link to the Disciplinary Wives Club. Although I can’t remember exactly how I found it, I certainly do remember the effect it had on me.
It hit me like a sledgehammer.
It was like no erotic reading experience I’ve had before or since, even though it was not, in fact, overtly sexual. Sex was barely even mentioned.
Instead, the DWC advocated for real spankings, used in the context of real punishment, to correct real misbehavior. There also were sections offering tips and advice to aspiring disciplinary wives. Then and now, I think the advice from Aunt Kay to disciplinary wives that really hit me in the gut was:
A spanking should be an event to remember. Don't worry about how red his bottom gets. The more color you put into it, the better you are doing. Don't pay any attention to his cries and pleas and promises. He will tell you anything to get you to stop. Allow him to squirm within limits. If it gets out of hand, give him a smack or two on the back of his thighs. If you give a spanking the way it should be given, the results should still show a week later. He should wince every time he tries to sit for days after.
That advice served to emphasize how different DWC-style spankings were from the erotic foreplay we had been doing. Moreover, it served as notice that a DWC-style spanking would only be both physically and psychologically painful, causing severe pain to both the bottom and the male ego.
Something about that affected me in ways I find hard to describe. Looking back, I’m not sure it was the spanking per se that really got to me. Rather, it was the prospect of giving up control—being forced to give up control--in a way I had not done in my entire life.
The prospect of losing control to the point of sobbing over my wife's knee was disturbing on a level I can't really describe. Yet, I found myself desperately wanting to tell Anne all about it.
I couldn’t get it out of my mind. After two or three days of thinking of little else,
I could not imagine NOT raising it. The
lure was just too strong, even if it made my male ego tremble.
So, less than a week after discovering the DWC website, I initiated a discussion with Anne. We were in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. At least she was getting ready for sleep. I hadn’t slept well in three days.
The lights were off, which was good because I was so embarrassed that I don’t think I could have faced her with them on. I began with something like, "I found this interesting website. . ." and explained the basic premise: Women taking control of their marriages, using real corporal punishment on their misbehaving husbands.
She started to restate her position that our spanking games had reinforced my bad behavior, but I quickly stammered out that this was different. These spankings were . . . real.
She didn’t say much as I stuttered my way through a description of the DWC philosophy, emphasizing the reality-based, severe spankings that empowered wives to take more control. I told her honestly how I felt that our relationship wasn’t balanced, and that maybe we needed something that would empower her to hold me more accountable and, frankly, take me down a peg or two.
When I was done, there was short pause, then she asked whether I was suggesting this as something I actually wanted to try. It was much like the wife’s reaction in the DWC fiction story Even More, which I later learned was authored by our long-time blog commenter “al.” Like the character David in that story, I almost lost my nerve but finally told her the truth: the idea scared the hell out of me, had left me with butterflies in my stomach and little sleep in three days but, yes, I did want to try it.
She listened quietly but intently, but
that night she was noncommittal, saying only that she would take a look at the
DWC website. She's told me later that she did think it was more than a little weird. I honestly thought she would just drop the whole thing and never follow up on checking out the DWC site.
Instead, she called me at the office the next day. After a few pleasantries, there was a pause and then, “Well . . . I visited that website.”
Gulp.
"And, . . .?" I asked, tentatively.
Another pause, then just two words. "Very interesting.”
"Interesting? . . . What . . . what does that mean exactly?" Words to that effect. I was really on pins and needles and don't remember the exact words, only that they came out in an embarrassed, halting fashion.
"Well, I guess it means you need to buy me a nice, heavy wooden hairbrush on your way home from work tonight."
I don’t remember exactly what I said in response to that first DWC instruction.
What I do recall is walking around a mall for an hour, trying to find a good quality hairbrush. They aren’t easy to find these days. I also recall the butterflies in my stomach, though that hardly describes it. Since all I really had to go on in imagining the spanking that was to come were the stories on the DWC website--the ones in which the husband always seemed to end up bawling--I was in a state of very high anxiety. Yet, I also remember that over the course of the hour or more I spent going from shop to shop, I had a raging erection.
It was the strangest, most peculiar, most paradoxical mix of extreme arousal and equally extreme anxiety.
When I got home, we sat at the kitchen table and talked through a set of rules.
First and foremost, she would
control why, when, and how hard I was spanked. While she would listen to my views, she would make the decisions.
Second, she remained concerned that “play” spankings could reinforce bad behavior, so her spankings would be long, hard and, in short, "real" each and every time.
Despite all that, unlike the woman in the above captioned pic, I don't think either of us really understood just how profoundly the relationship might change if we really implemented this.
I mean, we kind of got it. But, we didn't really get it. Honestly, I think it's taken us twenty years of spankings and discussing spankings to get to where we both accept that I really do want a very substantial power shift.
Instead, I think that when she said she found it "interesting," what she really meant was she found it intriguing as hell, particularly the prospect for being able to inflict some well-deserved payback for bad behavior. But, she also didn't quite believe I was serious or wouldn't back out.
It's odd that while I recall virtually everything leading up to that first spanking, I don't remember a lot about the main event. I suspect that is because we followed a prescription that was iconic but resulted in a less-than-memorable spanking: over-the-knee position with a hairbrush.
We graduated quickly to
wooden paddles and leather straps, and she became a surprisingly
determined spanker virtually right out of the gate. I was shocked at how few reservations she had about really roasting my butt, almost from the very beginning.
Over the years of doing this blog, I've heard variations on that story many times. We husbands are so concerned about how to broach the topic of Domestic Discipline but once we do, the wives take up the paddle or strap with surprisingly little diffidence or reluctance and are soon spanking like pros.
Over the years we have been doing Domestic Discipline, my wife has grown into a much stronger, confident woman with a voice all her own, and the relationship has gone beyond merely discipline. Instead of just enforcing rules, she imposes them. She sets boundaries for me and expects me to respect them.
Twenty years after that first spanking, she’s still determined and intent on making her spankings hurt and hurt badly, every single time.
So, how about you? For the husbands who initiated DD:
- When/how did your interest first arise?
- Howexactly did you approach your wife/partner?
- What did you say?
- How did you work up the courage? How long did it take you?
- What was her initial reaction? Did it change?
- How long until your first spanking? Was it all you expected it to be?
For wives whose husbands
asked them to consider a DD relationship:
- How did your husband approach you?
- What was your initial reaction? Did it change?
- How did you decide to spank him?
- What was that first spanking like? How did you feel?
And, if you are one of those rare wives who initiated the DD relationship, please tell us all about it!
These “origin” posts always work better when the discussion is more than surface level, so please give as many details as you’re comfortable sharing.
Have a great week.
I guess I’ll start us off this week. First, I think it’s great that we have some wives adding input to the forum. My wife would probably not ever feel comfortable enough to post. Like Dan, I grew up in the Bible Belt. Spankings were the norm at home, school, and church. There was not a week that went by where I didn’t receive, over hear, or witness. My last spanking growing up was 13 and I was paddled for
ReplyDeleteStealing. I also discovered the DWC website a long time ago. My girlfriend at the time was very vanilla. She has zero desire to spank for foreplay, never mind try punishment. As I grew into adulthood, I still longed for that accountability factor. I met my now wife. She is significantly older than I am. I’ve always been drawn to older more mature women. I like most boys had a crush on a middle school teacher. My interest arose very early on. I can certify myself as a “spanko” on some level. I have watched video tapes and with the rise of the internet, it made access to like minded individuals easier.
My wife and I dabbled in spanking foreplay. Similarly, it was the DWC website that got my heart pumping. It was easier to approach my wife due to our play already. She had to get out of the sexual mindset of the spanking aspect of it. I would quote her lines from the DWC playbook and slowly she came around to seeing an adjustment in my attitude. The first few spankings were not as memorable. Then one day she was upset at me for something and I apologized. She said the apology wouldn’t suffice
and I needed a thrashing. I submitted immediately and went upstairs. She strapped the hell out of me and told me to get out of her sight. Like most couples, our DD goes up and down. Injuries over the last few months have put a damper on DD. I was due a thrashing a few weeks ago and my wife had to have a procedure done. So DD is now on hold until she heals. Prior to that, I sustained an injury that prevented any form of discipline for a few weeks. The only thing about our DD is I wish it was more consistent and she was a big stricter with me. I also understand that our wives didn’t sign up for this. My wife likes me to lead and be the head of household. I appreciate her willingness to hold me accountable and thrash me when need be. I have noticed since starting DD, our relationship has grown closer. We have a tighter bond and our relationship hasn’t suffered like some of our fiends have. I think it’s an equalizer at times.
T
"She had to get out of the sexual mindset of the spanking aspect of it." In the post, I talked about how I emphasized to my wife that the DWC spankings were real, but this is another good way to put it. I don't deny that I had a very strong erotic reaction to the DWC, but I think the reason it worked for my wife was the content itself was not sexual at all, nor were the spankings even if the concept topped into something very erotic. It's kind of odd the more I think about it, how much a website with virtually no sexual content triggered such strong sexual reactions.
DeleteI didn't buy the DWC publications, like the handbook, when we first started, and it wasn't long after that most of the commercial functionality on the website stopped working. It was only a couple of years ago that I finally got them indirectly through Aunt Kay's husband. There was some good stuff in them, particularly some inspirational quotes that weren't on the website.
Sorry about the injuries, and I hope your wife is recovering. Sounds like we've been living somewhat parallel lives where medical interferences with DD are concerned.
Growing up in the era where parental and school spankings were accepted and quite common, I like many were spanked during childhood. They tapered off about 12 or so, not because my folks felt I was too old, but I had learned to behave and avoided being spanked. Then at 16, my Aunt gave me a bare hand bare ass spanking I remember to this day. In fact, I look back at that spanking to be the catalyst of my renewed interest in spanking. Fast forward about 30 years later my first marriage (vanilla) was beginning to dissolve. Travelling for work often, I began to look for an alternative which did not involve sexual cheating. I discovered the world of adult spanking. I visited many pros in NYC over the final few years of our marriage. After the divorce I met and eventually married a Pro Domme from The City. Right from the start she informed me our home life would be like a session that never ends. She knew I was an alpha male in my first marriage and during my career and set about converting me to a submissive. I was literally spanked into a submissive during the first few years of our marriage. After a few more years of living in a strict DD environment, the marriage ended, nothing to do with the FLR or DD part of our lives. A short time after that I met my now current life partner. Neither of us wanted to remarry but wanted to be together. She was aware of my prior life and I told her an FLR with DD was the kind of life I wanted. She had no experience in being the HoH, but was a German born schoolteacher so there was some dominance in her make up and she was willing to give it a try. She asked me to move in with her but before doing so we drafted our agreement, house and behavior rules, and a list of infractions for which I was to be spanked. The move in day came and after carrying in the last box of my stuff, she came to me saying... "if we are going to do this, we are going to do it right. Take off all your clothes, you are going to be spanked right now to start things off". I stripped and took position and she spanked and paddled me raw, scoped up my clothing and I have been kept nude whenever in the house ever since as our FLR was officially started. Been over 15 years now and our agreement is still in force. A few tweaks occurred over the years and we instituted a maintenance program a few years later. I am a full time submissive and get spanked for discipline and maintenance. So happy now my Aunt spanked me back then and think of that spanking often as I enjoy living in our 24/7 FLR with DD household.
ReplyDeleteSixteen would definitely be pretty old for a bare butt, bare hand spanking. I'm not surprised it had an impact (No pun intended. Well, sort of not intended.).
DeleteWhen you were seeing pros, were you ever concerned about your wife seeing marks from the spankings?
"She knew I was an alpha male in my first marriage and during my career and set about converting me to a submissive. I was literally spanked into a submissive during the first few years of our marriage." I wonder sometimes whether a super consistent approach might do the same for me. Even after 20 years, I'm still pretty Alpha, and I definitely am not submissive.
Cowboy wrote: “I began to look for an alternative which did not involve sexual cheating.”
DeleteThis deserves emphasis There must be huge numbers of men who have cheated while desperately seeking what they urgently need and are not getting in an otherwise happy and fulfilling marriage. And probably equal numbers who push on restively, staying in a relationship that is making neither partner really happy. The take a way for me is: make sure to talk to her early and openly about your needs and expectations. The needs won’t go away, they are part of you, and denying them only will make them more persistent.
For women confronted with your partners spanning needs in an already established relationship: Try to understand your partner and what is basically a healthy, albeit kinky ,need he has and will always have—a need that can enhance and enrich your relationship while taking you on a journey of discovery . I doubt that many women who decide to give him what he needs ever comes to regret that decision.
Alan
Agreed, Alan. For us, that conversation was going to happen mid-marriage no matter what, because I didn't bring a long-standing DD interest or spanking fetish into the relationship. But, I had always made it known, even when we were first dating, that I was very open-minded and non-judgmental about sexual matters, so she knew she wasn't marrying someone who had conservative, traditional views. And, I am very glad that once I did find out about DD and instantaneously developed a very strong interest, I brought it to her within days.
DeleteDan, I was quite careful about tell-tale marks from my visits to the pros. Having them alter some sessions or use different implements helps. I also travelled for 2-3 days at a time and tried to see the pro at the beginning of my time away and most of our intimate time together had been gone by this stage in our marriage. To my knowledge, she never saw any marks or suspected anything.
DeleteBeing spanked into a submissive was quite the experience. It was during the same time she was training me and teaching me my household chores and duties. To be spanked several times a day was not uncommon for different reasons and always a bedtime spanking. Not sure if it would work for you or others of if it would require more or less time, but it sure worked for me. I have no alpha traits left anymore.
MC here to comment. In the beginning…that was a long time ago…we have been married for 33 years and together for 35ish. Tom and I met through Scandinavian Folk dancing and were immediately attracted to each other. We found it easy to talk to each other though he says I was the quietest person he ever met. After a few dates and getting to know each other he brought up his interest and need for spankings. It was a topic new to me. I was interested in him as a person and what made him tick and shape him. Tom is a strong A type personality and I am a natural traditional wired woman. I come from a “Nordic” midwestern background but dated international guys of other cultural and religions prior to meeting Tom. I did not witness spanking in my childhood. Tom and I had a lot in common but are also opposite in some ways. As we dated we played around with his suggestions and before we got married we went to couple therapy to help us talk about what this ment for our relationship going forward. My biggest concerns were in my head as to what was expected out of me. Seeing pictures in magazines and online I naturally compared myself to the fantasy and fabricated women who were portrayed as dominate. I was very concerned I would be replaced as I did not feel comfortable being dressed as was being portrayed in the advertisements. We went to professional places so I could learn techniques and met professional DOMs. I learned from the professional ladies the ways to speak and use various equipment. I could be myself, dress in a way I felt strong and comfortable. All the ladies assured me that he truly loved me as I am. I grew in my confidence in my skills and attitude. Through the stages of having and raising our children into adulthood passed and we road many waves of challenges in our life together, we are now reaping the benefits of sticking together and growing through all the bounding experiences. Looking back, I live in gratitude for our growth together. We were both young adults willing to open up and share our very personal selves with each other. We were both willing to say “yes, let’s try” with each other. We have been also open to reach out to others for help through the years. Those early origin days are more far more vanilla in my mind. I sure Tom has similar but different perspective.
ReplyDeleteMC
"[B]efore we got married we went to couple therapy to help us talk about what this ment for our relationship going forward." When we got married, the Catholic church was requiring pre-marital counseling, but with older lay couples doing the counseling, prior to marrying in the church. (Anne is Catholic. I'm not.) I still have to chuckle at the memory of this nice but seemingly very vanilla older couple trying to run a converation with us about sexual compatibility. Their task was complicated by the fact that we had to do a questionnaire in advance, with multiple choice questions, many of which asked us to identify whether we agreed with each other, disagreed with each other, or didn't know whether we agreed with each other. Whenever Anne didn't know whether we agreed, she just assumed we did and answered accordingly, while I did the opposite. You could tell the older couple gave us about 6 months. :-)
DeleteI do think it's great that you were open to exploring Tom's desires early on. There was a commenter on here named Danielle who said she initially rejected her husband's submissive kinks, causing them to stay vanilla. Many years later, he tried again and this time she agreed to give it a try. They ended up in a quite kinky relationship, and she found she really enjoyed the Top role. She said that one of her biggest regrets was the feeling that she had "wasted" several years of mutual growth and fulfillment by shying away from something simply because it was "kinky" or "weird."
Dan, we too got married in the Catholic Church and did the pre-marital retreats, meetings etc. Your experience made me laugh. Parts of the experience definitely had their awkward points
DeleteI loved reading your story MC, thank you for sharing. It is inspiring that you both were so open right off the bat and have lived a successful marriage with DD throughout all of life’s stages. I too was worried initially that I would have to dress a certain way to be perceived as dominant so it was refreshing to realize that flr and dd relationships were real in the sense that you didnt have to wear leather to command someone.
DeleteMiss E, it really was an odd experience. I felt more sympathy for the counseling couple than for us.
DeleteThanks MC for sharing our story from your perspective. As you know, you married a lifelong spanko. I was fascinated by spanking and the strong emotions that accompanied them from as early as I can remember. I had a teacher in the 5th grade on whom I had a crush and she sent me to the principal for the paddle. I replayed that incident in my mind at least a thousand times for many years afterwards. I don't know if this "caused" my sexual connection to spanking or if it was just an inevitable trigger that was bound to be tripped when I reached puberty, but in any case, that was when I knew I was deeply interested in something I assumed other people wouldn't understand and I was very self-conscious about it while at the same time trying to learn as much as I could about it and what it meant for me. This was the pre-internet era and the only place to find anything was in adult magazines which were often crude and ill-informed to boot.
DeleteI was really very lucky that my first girlfriend was very open minded and non-judgmental. While it didn't do anything for her, she was happy to indulge my fantasies and was far less embarrassed about it then I was. That relationship lasted through college, but then we went in different directions.
When I met MC not long afterwards, I had had enough time and research to know that this was something that would always to part of me and that it would be unfair to start a relationship with someone without letting them in my interest in discipline and spanking. Again I was lucky to find MC, who was also unfamiliar with kink, but willing to explore it with me as part of a committed relationship. It hasn't always been smooth sailing as I have learned more about myself and how to treat someone who loves you but doesn't always understand why you want certain things. And as MC noted, she was concerned that someday I would find someone who shared my proclivities, and that would be that, so I learned to always be reassuring of my commitment to her as we explored the dark forest that is DD.
We have been helped along the way by members of the community (including pros) that have shared their experiences and advice and empathy, and that extends to this community too.
"I had a teacher in the 5th grade on whom I had a crush and she sent me to the principal for the paddle." That's what I love about these origin stories -- some always trigger a strong reaction in me even if I didn't have a similar experience. I can definitely see how being sent for a paddling by a teacher you had a crush on could be a very strong formative experience.
Delete"I learned to always be reassuring of my commitment to her as we explored the dark forest that is DD." That's great advice for any male who wants a DD relationshp but is married to someone without any experience in it. I'm not sure they can ever really understand why we are wired this way, but that makes it an even greater gift that they do this for us. And, hopefully over time they come to get big benefits from it themselves.
I can relate as well. I had a crush on an elementary school teacher as well. Miss B. She had long flowing reddish hair. She always wore long flowing dresses. She scolded me severely one day about causing a disturbance in the classroom and told me if I didn’t tone it down, I would be paddled. This in a classroom that another teacher, also Miss B. brought her own daughter into a large closet with a yardstick. I over heard the spanking after class one day. She brought that yard stick down many a times on her daughter. I always thought about those two incidents years down the road. The paddle was used religiously in our school.
DeleteT
ReplyDeleteAs you said, I’ve shared our origin story before but am happy to repeat it, and it’s really quite different from most others. I was having spanking fantasies as a teenager, which is curious as I grew up at a time and place where there was no spanking, this was on the other side of the Pond in the fifties and sixties and it just wasn’t a thing. So it somehow came from inside me without any external knowledge. Like apparently many on this blog, I married someone who was completely vanilla (and tbh barely even that.). That marriage struggled through about twenty years before finally collapsing. After that I was able to indulge my fantasies for the first time, when conveniently, the Internet was just getting started. I met my - now - wife through an early spanking website in 1999, then met in person in early 2000 and married a year later. I was spending much of my time in the US by then and have lived here ever since. As with others in this blog, this started off as a sexual thing. Initially Mf, then we started switching (I had always been switch) and within a year, she had become totally Domme and had no further interest in being on the receiving end. At some point a few months after we had been together, she came across the DWC website which we both spent time on. Unfortunately, as with Dan, it was past its peak by then and we were too late to join any of their weekend get-togethers, which we certainly would have done. So, fast forward a few months and I grumbled about something in a way and at a time that really upset her - and of course regretted it as soon as I’d said it. Definitely not my normal, but pretty typical behavior by her previous husband. As I said, we were both aware of the DWC at this time but had never tried DD ourselves. I don’t remember who suggested it - I think she did but I’m not sure - but we agreed that this was the way to deal with the issue. It dealt with her anger and my guilt - and firmly established that I was not the same as her first husband. And we’ve never gone back but have lived an F/m DD lifestyle ever since. So I guess we’re a little unusual in that the move to DD was not driven just by me, although in keeping with many here, I wish she was stricter and more consistent.
Hoping your medical issues are resolved quickly and as painlessly as possible. TG
You're right, the fact that your wife played any role in initiating does seem outside the norm here, by a lot.
DeleteFrom the time I can remember, as a small child, I have always felt something watching men submit or be punished. Growing up in a conservative community where everyone spanked, I often would see or hear my male friends get disciplined by their moms.
ReplyDeleteAs I got older, I often fantasized about having someone to train, punish, and show tough love to. Someone I could care for in my way.
Ive always been attracted to the psychological side of flr and dd so I knew in order for me to have a successful relationship I would need something real. Real 24/7. Real dynamic between us. Real punishments.
My husband and I have been married for about three years and practicing our dynamic for over 4. From the beginning I was honest about what I was looking for. Before we began dating I explained punishments and how I would expect immediate obedience from him. Initially, the first months were spent just explaining everything to him and talking about it. He was completely unaware of this lifestyle and had previously always been the more dominant one in a relationship.
After a few months, the perfect opportunity presented to initiate our dynamic.
One of the first few times he met my parents he lied to them about a part of his past. That night I told him it was unacceptable to lie and he would not only have to apologize to them and tell the truth, but he would also receive a spanking. Honestly, the anticipation, nerves, and excitement leading up to the actual spanking was palpable and fed a deep hunger for me. The actual spanking was not too intense as it was his first time and he had a work emergency he had to leave for.
But from that time forward, we have never looked back. Since then we have continued to have many conversations, research new ideas, and happily participate in the ‘dance of discipline’. As someone once said, “the femdom two step”.
Through the years we have had periods where we were more active than others but even in our less active times, he still naturally obeys, respects, and bends over when I tell him. Perhaps the biggest downside to being the initiator has always been trusting him when he says he wants it too, but this year I have finally reached a point where I fully believe him. The biggest difference came from watching him ‘initiate’ or push for our dynamic to be more active during the periods where there was a lull.
"As I got older, I often fantasized about having someone to train, punish, and show tough love to. Someone I could care for in my way."
DeleteIt's great to hear someone articulate that they had fantasies that were the converse of what so many men here experienced.
I'm curious, how did your husband (then boyfriend) react when you told him what you were looking for? As I said in this post, had any of the older women I had crushes on had your interests, I don't really doubt they could have taken me along in that direction even if I did not, at that time, have any knowledge of this kind of lifestyle. Though, the power dynamic would have been different (I think), as they were much older than me, as I was in high school and college when most of those crushes occurred.
Wow,
DeleteMiss E provides a totally different aspect of DD/FLR. Men on the blog generally approach our wives about DD. It’s refreshing to see the opposite. I also can appreciate how you were up front and honest from the get go. You also provided a slow and easy transition into the relationship. I like the fact that he is now fully onboard in the relationship and looks forward to the stability that you provide. A great insightful look into the mind of a female disciplinarian.
T
My husband too is younger than me and had always been attracted to older women, so when I first told him about everything I think he was initially intrigued and thought it was sexy. As we went deeper with learning and me explaining everything he told me afterwards that he was nervous. Most recently when we discussed it, he told me he loves dd because it provides a structure that holds him accountable to remain respectful to me and others.
DeleteHi. Dev here. JR first approached me early on about his fetish. That was 34 yrs ago. I was open to the idea even tho he stills feels embarrassment. The first time I spanked him he was was very nervous but also “ exited “. I used my hand and was very mild. As time passed and the frequency increased he became more relaxed. One time he had an accident across my lap. As time passed I realized his need and is now used for mostly disciplinary reason. He’s no longer excited to go over my knee. I take things seriously and deal with situations appropriately. Over the years he’s had multiple serious spankings. Be that as it may his behavior has vastly improved! I don’t tolerate poor language and he has been spanked numerous times for that ! Overall he takes good care of me and is good in so many ways but when needed he knows my paddle is always code by. DR.
ReplyDeleteHi Dev. Thanks for joining in the conversation.
DeleteIn 20 years in this lifestyle, believe it or not, I've never had a hand spanking. Perhaps I should ask Anne to remedy that, but unfortunately I think she's come to enjoy her bath brush a little too much to take it easy on me!
Although you may have started off easy, your husband has shared with us some of his trips to the "woodshed." So, we know how serious you can be!
Thanks again for joining in, and I hope you'll do so whenever you have time and interest.
My interest in spanking started at a very early age, I think I was about 6-7 years old. I don't remember exactly what started it all, but I remember being excited when I saw some of my friends getting spanked by their parents. I grew up during the Soviet era in one of the former Soviet republics, where parental discipline in the form of spanking was in almost every home. I have also been punished by my parents a few times in my life, but I didn't like it, or at least as far as I know, it didn't have any effect on growing up as a spanko. At some point, when the iron curtain fell and the internet became available to everyone, I realized that I am not some kind of weirdo and that there are other people in the world who are interested in this kind of thing. Still, it was a total taboo and my little secret that I fiercely kept to myself.
ReplyDeleteAs I became an adult, I found like-minded people and also had my first experiences, but I was very far from the idea that this could be part of a relationship. For me, it was always related to the fact that it should be someone other than my life partner and a woman older than me. I also used paid providers a few times, but it was never what I needed. I don't think I knew what I needed for a very long time. At some point I got married and accepted that it would remain my secret. I would have liked to talk to my wife about it, but I didn't dare. I thought she didn't respect me anymore. By nature, I am an Alpha male and she is rather quiet, calm and modest. I once tried to make spanking a topic of conversation, but her reaction was such (at least it seemed to me) that I realized that nothing would come of it. She knew I had some kind of secret fantasy that I didn't share with her and she even got sad about it, but that was about it. About 2 years ago, when our relationship was in crisis and we were starting over, I finally decided to open my mouth and be honest. We have been married for over 10 years by then. I thought it was now or never. And my surprise was big when she didn't push me away and said let's try. That if it is something that will help me be happier, she is ready to offer it to me if she can. Of course, this was something completely new to her, and she didn't even know such a thing existed. We got to the first spanking maybe about a month later, because only then were the children with their grandparents. The first times were more like experiments and feedback, but each time something came up and pretty soon they became quite painful. It has nothing to do with sexuality for her, so we keep the two things completely separate.
Around the same time, I also discovered this blog and soon realized that a DD relationship was what I really needed. Overnight, my vanilla wife became my queen and I couldn't imagine anyone else being the one to punish me. Today, we have been exploring this journey for a little over two years, my wife has become much more confident in the process, and I have a feeling that she is slowly starting to understand what I need and what it gives her. Someone here already wrote that his modest wife quickly turned into a very professional disciplinarian. Same here. If at first my wife felt insecure and she was a little uncomfortable to offer it to me, today she doesn't have a particular problem to make my ass really sore and establish some rules at home that I have to follow. So far everything has worked out well and I can say that we have never been in a better relationship than we are now. DD has become a part of our relationship, it means it works in the background of our real relationship, and does not dominate it.
As we still have school-aged children at home, it does impose some limitations, but luckily we have a large private household with various sidebuildings, and once I've earned a spanking, there's generally no escape. It will come sooner or later.
That's such a great story! It's such a perfect example of the point Alan made about the importance of raising this need with your spouse even if you think they won't be open to it. Do you think your wife truly would not have agreed to it that first time you sort of tried to raise it with her? Or, do you think you misjudged the extent of her resistance?
Delete"[I]t means it works in the background of our real relationship, and does not dominate it." That's really where we are, where we've always been, and where I want it to be.
I rather misjudged her potential reluctance and didn't realize it was about her never wanting to experience it herself. For her, even a small slap on the butt during sex was something she didn't like. Fortunately, I didn't have this habit, but when she told me about it, after that, talking about my fetish felt like suicide. We have later discussed whether this could have changed our marriage for the better earlier and came to the conclusion that maybe. At the same time, everything comes into our lives at the right time or a little later. Maybe we wouldn't have been ready for this back then because of our youth. You never know.
DeleteMy wife too is adamant that she has zero interest in being on the receiving end.
DeleteI agree that it's fairly pointless to engage in "what ifs" when it comes to timing. I do wish that DD would have come into my life earlier, as I think it might have saved me some self-inflicted drama and trouble but, as you say, I don't know whether I would have been ready for it any earlier in life. Moreover, there is no doubt in my mind that Anne wouldn't have been really able to embrace the role and do a good job with it a decade earlier. Even she says she had her own maturity issues when we met, and I think she likely didn't have enough confidence to even her dip her toes in being the "top" in a DD relationship back then.
My one last regret isn't so much about timing but about being so concerned about confidentiality that I missed some opportunities to engage with others, like any opportunity to actually meet "Aunt Kay." Her husband and I both talk about what things might have been like had we got to meet in person back then. But, given my profession and Anne's, some of the concerns were legitimate. But, I do think that probably is a needle we could have threaded successfully.
“Would have, should have, could have” this pertains to almost everything in life. Ive noticed, certain people are placed in your life at certain times for a reason. I look back at all of my relationships, both personally and professionally. They have resonated with me throughout the years. Looking back, the obstacles, joyous, and painful times made me the strong, caring family man today. Ive learned from my first marriage that didn't work due in part to our immaturity. I’ve stated in the past, that a full FLR would have been perfect for me in my mid twenties. Being reared in a strict religious household, caused me to go a bit wild in my twenties with freedom. I eventually married a women older than me, who immediately put me in my place with some comments made. My only wish is that I would have met her earlier in life. A strong domineering women who would have punished me daily if need be, would have tamed some of the wildness. Structure at that time would have been significantly beneficial. When I approached my wife about DD, she was skeptical as well. Although she can put me in my place, she always wanted a strong alpha man to lead. I still do that, but she realizes how DD has given her a voice and allowed her to express her disappointment in my actions. I told her I would never refuse to bend over for her. I love the idea about getting punished for my actions, until the actually thrashing starts. Reality kicks in quickly. We have a wonderful marriage and much stronger than before this journey started down its prim rose path.
DeleteT
"Ive noticed, certain people are placed in your life at certain times for a reason."
DeleteI'm a big believer in that, too. I'm also pretty adverse to doing the "what if" thing on any aspects of my life. I was a pretty unhappy kid because of the circumstances I was in at times, yet against the odds I've become a pretty satisfied adult, with a great family life and having retired from a very lucrative, fairly prestigious career. I've absorbed the lessons of It's a Wonderful Life, acknowledging that if I could go back and change one thing I didn't like, all sorts of other things would change, leading me on some path very different than the one I took that led me to here. (For an even better statement of this, check out the movie Charlie Wilson's War and the story of the Zen master and the little boy, told near the end of the movie by Phillip Seymour Hoffman's character.
In that vein, while I do wonder whether I would have benefitted from DD at an earlier point than it actually came along, I don't know that to be a fact. While my intensity, temper and anti-authority tendencies undoubtedly put a ceiling on my career, those tendencies also probably were part of what helped me to move up as quickly as I did.
I grew up in a strict home. However, I don't really remember being spanked. I'm fairly sure I was as a young child. I have older brothers and I do remember Dad taking his belt to them in the teenage years. I distinctly rember being told on one occasion that if I didn't stop doing something that I would get paddled. Then there was the one occasion when I was paddled at school. My mother worked at the school so I'm sure she knew but never said a word about it.
ReplyDeleteMy fantasy as a teen always involved me spanking one of my female classmates. I did see and hear one teenage girl being taken out of church by her father and you could hear the spanking in the distance. I guess I have always been a spanko. At the end of my junior year of college. I was reunited with a girl from my church that I really had never thought about before. I started to date her and wrote to her a few times my senior year. After graduation things got serious and my fantasy of putting a girl over my knees for a spanking was full filled. After we got married I determined that she would be spanked for disobedience and carelessness. One time we drove several hours away to some attractions. When we got home she informed me that she must have left her purse somewhere. I put her over my knee and and spanked her, even though I spanked hard she barely reacted. I never spanked her again. After two children she started stepping out on me and the marriage eventually ended. I remarried a year later. The sex couldn't be better but she made it clear that she was not into me spanking her. It wasn't long and we started to fight mostly over the kids but the fighting continued even after the kids were out of the house. I knew that most of the fights were my fault and after one of the fights she told me I was acting like a child. I agreed and suggested that she spank me . She was reluctant but did spank me with her hairbrush. I searched the web to see if other wives spanked their husband's and found DWC. I had her read the it and she thought that it might be helpful. At first it was awkward and she was reluctant but she would spank me for constantly arguing with her. When we hit the road full time I asked her to take over I wanted a WLM. I have received many spanking since and lately she has really upped her game.
Another great story of taking a meandering road to this lifestyle. It does seem like a lot of the couples involved at this have switched at some point, though I'm not sure how prevalent it is. I wonder how many of the men start the way you did, fantasizing about being the spanker, but then something changes.
DeleteUr
DeleteStories such as yours Ward have always intrigued me and in fact inspired me this past week. I’ve been spending time lately going through old blog posts getting ideas and I noticed that multiple couples had tried both sides of the paddle. As I’ve mentioned previously, my husband and I have been in a bit of a lull dynamic wise and had a talk about being more active again. In fact he was the one to say he wanted this. So Ive bought a beautiful new wooden hairbrush that comes in today! And I’m taking him to dinner to discuss rules etc later this week.
DeleteSeeing that I want to push him more, demand more from him, and grow our dynamic, I decided I wanted to experience a spanking before I asked more of him. I’ve never experienced a dd spanking (barring childhood discipline) and I felt I wanted to earn him in a way. So I told him he could do it when he liked, as hard as he wanted, as long as he wanted, I only asked that he use every implement which I use on him. You guys are always so eloquent about the emotions, feelings, and physical pain of a spanking, and I must say, it definitely lived up to it. The spanking itself went well, I learned some new techniques I plan on using on him, and overall took about 300 hits, 100 of which were canes alone. I have a new appreciation for how much I can push him. Afterwards however, while it was a great experience, I know which side of the paddle I love and I asked him if he still wanted to be a disciplined husband to which he said yes and confided why it meant so much to him.
My husband and I have been reading your site for a number of months. We had a few interactions by phone and email with Aunt Kay, My husband brought the DWC site to my attention hoping that if I saw a “ community” of people practicing Domestic Discipline, I wouldn’t feel his desires to be disciplined so strange.My husband is a Type A and a successful executive, Fairly early in our relationship he mentioned a spanking he got at 9 or 10 from the woman who lived next door.. His parents didn't spank and he felt he was unsupervised. He had deceived the neighbor and thought he had tricked het to collect a reward. The reward was a bare bottom hair brush spanking. When he described this spanking decades later it was a genuine relief to tell me about it.,He felt his life long obsession with anything even mentioning spanking was an embarrassing characteristic.. I was raised in a large family 9 siblings and my mother never hesitated to spank us always bare bottom. Spanking for me was certainly not erotic. After many discussions we agreed that certain behavior would warrant a spanking. .My first attempts at being a Disciplinary Wife were awkward.. It took time and practice to find the right implements and position After many years there are times when I get real satisfaction and stress relief from blistering his butt. After a number of genuine punishment spankings there have been days when he couldn’t sit comfortably. He had a tendency to yell expletives during spankings but i have washed his mouth with ivory soap and there is always a fresh bar in sight during spanking sessions. This arrangement works pretty well and the spanking do hsve a positive effect on his behavior and our marriage
ReplyDeleteMiss C.
DeleteI can remember being spanked by Moms best friend. She would
Watch us throughout the summer and swung a mean wooden spoon. I like you had a strict upbringing. Mom used the spoon or belt on our bare bottom religiously. We knew to tow the line. My wife was similar to you in that the first few times were a bit awkward. She found her groove overtime. I’m just happy I never waited so long to tell her how I felt, must of been difficult for your husband. My wife does say it provides a stress relieve and a reset for her.
Miss C., welcome and thanks for joining in. Your husband's status as Type A and successful describes me pre-retirement, though at the time we found the DWC I would have described myself as moderately successful but with potential. I wonder sometimes how much of the later success was attributable to DD giving me just a little more discipline and focus.
DeleteIt's interesting that your husband knew by 9 or 10 that he felt "unsupervised." Growing up, I knew I had fewer rules than many kids, but at the time I saw that as an unmitigated good thing. I really didn't perceive myself as being stressed by that experience until much later, with the benefit of hindsight, and I don't think understood how much it likely played into my future DWC interest until years into this blog and after many discussions here.
It's great that you got to talk to Aunt Kay in person. I exchanged emails with her but, unfortunately did not get to meet her before she passed. I do now have a pretty close relationship with her husband.
Miss C, I just saw Aunt Kay's website for the first time and wish I could have been in touch with her as you were. She must have been an admirable lady. I think what she recommends may be a bit too severe, and I'm wondering how you interpreted it, My wife can be severe at times, but not as much as Aunt Kay seems to prescribe.
DeleteWhile I may have been willing to explore both sides of the paddle, that was a hard no for MC and not a problem for me.
ReplyDeletePicking up on Miss E’s comments, we did a few retreats that were led by a professional dom. She was obviously very comfortable being “in charge” at all times and only sessioned as a dominant, however in her personal life she was attracted to very powerful men (think military types) and she confided the occasionally she would build up too much “red energy” that could only be reset with a heavy session on the other side of the paddle. I’m struck by the similarity in both stories.
Always prior it was a hard no for me, but I decided I should at least experience both sides so as to better lead moving forward. I wanted complete confidence that I knew exactly what I was asking of him and putting him through in discipline. One of my biggest issues previously was feeling I didn’t have a right to ask certain things of him if I was not willing to at least experience it myself. Granted I don’t think one has to do this for a successful dd but for myself personally it made a difference. Almost as if it allowed me to “earn” my husband and now move forward more confidently.
DeleteMy wife has not been on the other side of the strap. I’ve mentioned in the past she despised being paddled growing up. She and Mom had a love hate relationship. She was the goody tushu of the bunch. I have playfully spanked her for foreplay but would be uncomfortable giving her the kind of thrashing she administers on me. I actually thought she wouldn’t be onboard initially due to her upbringing, but she quickly delved into her inner dominant side.
DeleteT
My wife has also made it plain that she has absolutely no interest in being on the other side of the paddle. The closest I get to spanking her is the occasional flirtatious swat on her backside and a few occasional smacks to her bare behind during sex. --al
DeleteI noted with some interest the inclusion of a picture of Sophie Marceau, since she is a famous Femme Fatale from "The World Is Not Enough"; not quite as far as Famke Janssen in "Goldeneye"! I have no idea how many men got their jollies from seeing these women!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, onto the questions! I think I first started to think about adult spanking sometime in adolescence: I can't remember what sparked it off though.
I spoke with my now-wife about it during one of many discussions about our future married life when we were engaged. We talked about all sorts of things. Off the top of my head, I probably sold F/M DD spankings as being an orderly way of dealing with things she wasn't happy with regarding me, rather than letting things build up until other problems arise. I think it took me several attempts to pluck up the courage to discuss the subject during a pre-marital discussion, but I kept bottling it. Eventually, I resolved firmly to do it during the next discussion with her. Her reaction was one of mild surprise, but she was willing to hear me out and listen to what I had to say regarding why I thought it would be a good idea. We didn't talk about it a huge amount after that, but she clearly became more enthused by the idea as the wedding approached. We made sure implements were included in the honeymoon packing.
The spanking happened on the wedding night as planned. We arrived at the bridal suite and unpacked for the night. When we were ready, I embraced her and assured her all was well and I was keen to go through with things, before turning round and pulling my suit trousers and underwear down at the back. I then put my hands against a wall while she gave me a blistering till I could not take any more. I then undressed to my underwear where the same thing happened. She seemed a bit taken aback by the end, so I embraced her and reassured her some more. I then took off my underpants and we consummated our marriage. It was strange to feel a hot feeling while doing so, and although it was extremely painful at the time, I was glad I went through with it. On balance, it was in line with expectations, though I didn't have too many preconceived ideas about what it would be like.
J.
My obsession with F/M spanking began when I was in 1st grade. My parents put me in a private, fundamentalist, Christian school, and I was spanked by a teacher. It was actually child abuse, but I learned to sexualize it, although I was much to young to actually understand that. After 3 years, they kicked me out for asking questions, and I went to a public school, but my interest in F/M spanking never left. My parents didn't spank me, and when it became obvious to them that I wasn't going to turn out the way they wanted me to be, they pretty much left me alone, and I had few boundaries. I had an adolescence much like Dan's, and at the time, it seemed ideal. I left home after my 3rd year in high school and got my own place, working and going to school in another city. Fast forward, I got drafted, sent to Vietnam, and had a pretty unstable life for the next 40 years, unaware that I had PTSD, still didn't have many boundaries, and was limited in my ability to be truly intimate. I took a lots of risks, did a lot of dumb things, and it's a wonder I didn't wind up dead or in prison. Around my 40s, I discovered the DWC, and it really shocked me. I wanted to be a relationship like that, but it seemed all the women I was with were simply not into it. I married a woman who seemed to be interested, but got tired of it, and eventually, she suggested I go to a pro to get the spankings I wanted. The pros I went to were good, and initially very exciting, but ultimately, I realized what I wanted was a real DWC lifestyle. I ended up getting together with a woman who seemed open and adventurous. I took her to witness a session with a dom, as I knew I needed to be completely honest about my sexuality. It was amazing to me that she seemed to be interested, and she quickly learned how to give me a real spanking. After a year or 2, it slowly dawned on me that what I was really craving were real boundaries, accountability, and consequences. Reading this blog has been extremely helpful in normalizing what a true DD lifestyle is about, which we now have. An unexpected bonus of this new lifestyle is my discovery that spanking has largely reduced my PTSD. DD has helped me become more sensitive, less macho, less selfish, and better behaved. It has helped her become more confident and assertive in the real world, as well as in our relationship.
ReplyDeleteAnd we have lived happily ever after.
It doesn't really surprise me that DD might help with PTSD. It seems like many kinds of intense experiences can rewire your brain. If psychedelics can help with PTSD, I can see how DD could, too.
DeleteIt really is amazing how many people discovered this lifestyle through the DWC.
Great topic, Dan – even though many of us (myself included) have shared our stories here before, it is quite interesting reading through the various origin stories.
ReplyDeleteI believe that my interest in F/M DD was triggered at the age of ten when an attractive aunt gave a sound otk hairbrushing. Due to family issues, I was staying with her family for a few weeks one summer. Like others here, I was raised in the Bible Belt where spanking was simply a fact of life. I had been spanked probably an “average amount” up to the time I was about eight, but had not been spanked in a couple of years when my aunt decided that if I were going to be staying with her family for the summer, that I needed to learn quickly that I needed to do as I was told with no backtalk. She was a believer in spanking and spanked her boys regularly – usually bare bottom otk with a brush. I had overheard her spanking her boys a few times over the years – and they were always lengthy spankings that had her boys crying in short order. Presumably since I was not her child, she left my underwear on, but pulled them up into my crack and then gave me what seemed like a good 50 or so whacks, and I was very shortly crying my eyes out just as her boys always did.
At the moment, my only thought was that I wanted nothing more of that hairbrush – and so I stayed on my very best behavior for the rest of my visit. But – when puberty struck a couple of years later, that experience somehow morphed into a sexual fantasy that resulted in an ongoing fascination with F/M DD. That interest, however, remained a very secret fantasy through my teen years – until at the age of 19, I briefly “dated” a kinky woman in her late twenties who was into spanking. She was primarily a bottom and, at her request, I spanked her a few times. She did, however, spank me once “to show me how it was done” – which, while not a true “DWC level” spanking – did sting quite a bit and left me with a nicely reddened bottom. That relationship was short lived, however, and that remained my only adult spanking for the next 20+ years – but it did reinforce my interest in experiencing more F/M DD – although I don’t think I imagined it as an ongoing lifestyle.
Over the years after that, F/M DD remained in the back of my mind, and I would occasionally read a spanking story in an adult magazine (but most of them were M/F). However, as with others who have shared, it was the advent of the public Internet in the early 90’s – and the spanking stories that appeared on the Usenet – that really made the idea of adult spanking much more real. And then came my discovery of the new DWC website that really “put it all together” with its concept of an ongoing “disciplinary wife” marriage where the wife spanked her husband regularly. I was completely taken with this concept – but regrettably felt that I had to relegate it to fantasy as I was quite sure that my wife would think I was a perverted weirdo if I even mentioned it. So, for a few years I continued to read F/M stories on the DWC site, Usenet, and elsewhere – and even wrote a couple.
So, it was one of the Great Surprises of my life when, during a rare moment of candid conversation over too much wine one evening in which we had swapped sexual fantasies - and I had confessed to a "mild interest in being spanked" - that my wife told me, "You know....I would love to paddle your ass!" This proclamation was immediately followed by instructions to stay put - that she would be right back. She came back a minute later with a ping pong paddle - and the next minute I was lying over her lap getting my bare bottom paddled. And while it was an admittedly mild spanking - especially by her standards today, it was more than what I would have guessed - about thirty whacks that all had some definite sting to them with a few real zingers towards the end - offering a hint of what was to come in the days that followed.
(Continued due to length) --al
Your aunt's attitude sounds very similar to the attitude of most of the mothers in the community where I was born. And, I had some pretty hot aunts. Unfortunately, I moved from there in the third grade, and I don't think I ever actually was spanked by any of them. I say I don't think so, because I did have one aunt in whose home I spent lots of time, and it could have happened when I was very young and I just don't remember it.
Delete(Continued from last post) --al
ReplyDeleteThe events of the following morning continued to leave me somewhat shell shocked - as I really cannot overstate how amazed I was by this turn of events. After we awoke the next morning, took our turns in the bathroom, my wife picked up the ping pong paddle and tapping it on her hand, said, "We need to discuss you leaving the toilet seat up" (yes, I know that is cliché, but it really is the way it unfolded) - and shortly thereafter I was again lying across her lap getting yet another paddling applied to my bare behind. This one was probably closer to fifty whacks, and the whacks were decidedly a bit more intense than those of the previous evening. This episode was definitely more like a real spanking than the first one. And although it was still mild enough that it did not cause any major discomfort, she did warm my bottom quite well that morning, leaving me with the sense that I had indeed been given a spanking that Saturday morning.
A bit later, as we were having breakfast, my wife - now in an unusually good mood - started teasing me with the idea that maybe this was just what our marriage needed - that whenever I got out of line, she could just put me over her lap for a good paddling - and that she could probably get used to that idea. Again, I must say that I was truly astonished that my plain vanilla wife of all these years had paddled my bare rear twice in the past twelve hours, seemed to be enjoying it immensely, and was now teasing me about paddling me regularly to keep me in line.
Since I had fantasized about having a disciplinary wife for years, I immediately encouraged her in this conversation by joking back with her that for the good of our marriage, I would drop my drawers and take it like a man whenever she thought I needed it. And then I went on to tell her, just a bit more seriously, that there were some good web sites for the "disciplinary wife" - and told her about Aunt Kay's Disciplinary Wives Club and another web site that had some good stories about wives that spanked their husbands. Shortly thereafter, she was on the Net reading all about wives that spank - and stayed there for the next three or four hours it seemed. In the meantime, I attended to some various chores and such. When she finally took a break from her research, we went out for a late lunch and had yet another conversation. She had been impressed with what she had read on the DWC site and believed that it would be a good idea for us to try to the Disciplinary Wife lifestyle. She also felt sure that I must feel the same way or that I would not have told her about the DWC site - and that clearly I was ok with the idea of accepting a disciplinary spanking - although she had some concern that I would feel the same way about taking such a paddling once I started getting the kind of "real
spankings" as described on the DWC web site. But she did hope that I would be able to accept true disciplinary spankings because she honestly felt that was just what was needed to help our marriage. The way she saw it was that most of our marital bickering came from the fact that I was an arrogant, cocky smartass (and that was at least mostly true) and that having my bare butt well paddled on a regular basis would be just the thing to help me learn some humility. I, of course, agreed to this trial - still completely overwhelmed that this was even happening - as I would never have believed it if you had told me. We talked some more, agreed to some basic rules, and that sort of thing. After lunch, she had me take her to purchase a true wooden hairbrush as she had already figured out from her research that this was an indispensable tool of the trade, and that the ping pong paddle was simply not heavy enough or durable enough to get the job done.
(continued - again) --al
(continued from above) --al
ReplyDeleteThat afternoon I received my first true DWC spanking – as my wife told me that I needed to know what it was really like to make sure that I really wanted to adopt this lifestyle – (and because, she admitted later, she really wanted to spank me). That spanking was nothing like my fantasies – it was much more genuinely painful than I could have imagined and it took everything I had to take it without jumping up. But – when it was done, there was a sense of genuine satisfaction (for both of us). And thus began our DWC lifestyle. --al
(Sorry for the length - I got carried away - and then copied and pasted parts of the story from my accounting in the User Stories section of this blog).
Like all on here, the DWC fascinated me in my early youth. I enjoyed reading the user stories and real people section.
DeleteI wish I would have had the opportunity to meet Aunt Kay. I know Dan is still in contact with her husband and it’s too bad he doesn’t contribute here anymore. He had some great insight into someone who pioneered DD for husbands and significant others.
T
My wife and I were members of the DWC back when Aunt Kay was in her prime and the club was actually an "active online club". To become a member of the club, the applying couple had to email a phone number (and a home phone number at that - as this was before the days when everyone has a cell phone) - and she would then call from a "private number" at a time prearranged by email. So, it took a bit of "trust" in Aunt Kay's reputation to reveal your home phone number which could usually be easily tracked back to your real name. But we did "take the risk" and provided our number for that initial conversation - within a month of my first spanking. And, of course, it all worked out and we enjoyed being able to connect with other "verified" couples - even if anonymously.
DeleteWhile we were invited, we did not have the opportunity to travel to meet Aunt Kay in person, but did have several phone calls with her. For a while I assisted her with the DWC Yahoo Group so we had a good bit of communication by phone and email during that period. --al
Al, certainly don't apologize for the length. I really enjoyed this longer, more detailed version of what you've shared in the past.
Delete"A bit later, as we were having breakfast, my wife - now in an unusually good mood - started teasing me with the idea that maybe this was just what our marriage needed - that whenever I got out of line, she could just put me over her lap for a good paddling - and that she could probably get used to that idea. Again, I must say that I was truly astonished that my plain vanilla wife of all these years had paddled my bare rear twice in the past twelve hours, seemed to be enjoying it immensely, and was now teasing me about paddling me regularly to keep me in line."
I've always said that Anne got comfortable giving hard spankings amazingly quickly, but I think it's fair to say your wife embraced the whole idea from the start more than Anne did. She told me later that at first she did think it was more than a little weird. I would characterize her early participation as more about accommodating me than really embracing it. On the other hand, I do think she agreed so readily to giving it a try--and said she found the DWC stories "interesting"--that I wonder whether she did actually gravitate toward it harder than she let on. I do think that, like your wife, she was pretty concerned about whether I really knew what I was asking for. In hindsight, maybe it was a good thing that the first couple of spankings were with a fairly flimsy brush or leather paddle and were OTK, before she learned to spank hard in that position.
Yeah - Even though it did take me to first admit I had "some mild interest" in being spanked, Susan later admitted that as soon as I mentioned it, she was immediately excited by the idea - and even more so after the sense of power that she experienced during that first "play spanking" with the ping pong paddle.
DeleteWhile Susan says she never fantasized about spanking me (or anyone) before that first spanking, and never would have even thought about it if I hadn't mentioned it, that she quickly realized that she loved the sense of power that she experienced even during that first play spanking - the sound of the paddle on my behind, watching me squirm, the sight of a well reddened bottom. She quickly realized that she loved to spank just for the joy of spanking - as well as the benefit of having a disciplined and mostly better behaved husband.
To this day - it is undoubtedly the biggest surprise of my life - that my wife, who seemed so completely plain vanilla - would become such an enthusiastic disciplinary wife. --al
I think for a long time Anne had a problem admitting, even to herself, that she got off on that power. Though, even now she draws a distinction between the spanking itself and some of the ritual around it. She says she enjoys the power of order me to take one, telling me to get ready for one, and telling me to get in position. She says the spanking itself doesn't get her excited in that same way, though she does like the sound of the brush or paddle on my behind. But, honestly, I think she still isn't being totally honest about her enjoyment of it, and I guess I get that. We're so egalitarian these days, it probably is easier to admit you enjoy being subject to someone's power than to admit you like exercising power, especially corporal discipline power.
DeleteIm really sad that I didn't get any of aunt Kay's work. Does anyone have copy or file to share?
ReplyDeleteW...
I'm not supposed to be here, so commenting without any identification.
DeleteThe last, valid snapshot of the "second incarnation" of Aunt Kay's website is available in the Internet Archive:
web.archive.org/web/2019/auntkaysdwc.com/
That url does not work for me. Would certainly like to read Aunt Kay
DeleteI have heard that she advocated real severity. Is that true and did wives take the advvice?
DeleteMay be an issue with your browser. That one worked for me. But, here is the one I typically use:
Deletehttps://web.archive.org/web/20191219065242/http://auntkaysdwc.com/
Also, this WordPress blog has most of the textual content. https://disciplinarywivesclub.wordpress.com/
Now that the original site is kaput, other than on the Wayback Machine, I might put this one in my links list, but I've avoided linking to it in the past because: (a) it wasn't authorized by Kay or her husband; (b) it isn't quite a faithful reproduction, as it's missing at least one story (maybe more -- I haven't tried to match 1:1); and (c) doesn't have anything like the same look and feel, though I guess that is in some ways better since the same look and feel might suggest, wrongly, that it is an authorized copy. I do suspect this was done by some fan without ill intent who just wanted to make sure the content was preserved; it doesn't seem to have been done with nefarious intent.
"Mr. Anonymous," again.
DeleteThat first, abbreviated link to the Internet Archive should work for most browsers, PROVIDE YOU DO NOT HAVE "LINK FORWARDING" [TURNED-OFF].
Otherwise, this is a direct link:
http://web.archive.org/web/20191219070354/http://www.auntkaysdwc.com/
("Snapshot" from about one hour later than snapshot Dan linked to, above.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan:
Why not put a direct link to the Internet Archive's copy of Aunt Kay's website. It is a true reproduction, unlike the WordPress version.
-- The Scotsman
I probably will. I need to clean up several links there and in the blogroll. I was convinced for a while that I might be switching soon to Wordpress, given Google's intermittent threats to shut down all adult blogs. But, Wordpress has its own issues, and I don't know that platform well. I've been double posting here on Blogger and on Wordpress, using Wordpress as a kind of backup. But, I don't really have a good knowledge yet of the features. And, I've heard that Wordpress also randomly kills adult blogs, even though their official policy allows them.
DeleteThanks. I got it to work. A really impressive website. Much work went into those surveys. As for Aunt Kay's advice, it is basically very sound in my opinion, but I do think what she recommends might be too severe if a wife takes it to extremes. My wife can be pretty severe on occasion, but not so there are marks a week later.
Delete"I am worried about the power exchange", words from Mrs Good Life, about 10 years ago, which changed everything. I have gone to extensive details previously on this site on how a undulating M/F became a M/F-F/M then became a F/M quite quickly. It isn't perfect by any means, nor at times consistent but I wouldn't change my answer to that comment one dot. Cheers GLM.
ReplyDeleteWhen Beth and I were engaged, she had a conversation with my mother that turned out to be the impetus for further discussions about spankings. We lived some distance from mom and in our courtship, they really hadn't spent that much time together. They made up for lost time on an extended visit to mom's house and got along very well. It was then that my mother felt the need to share stories from my childhood, including ones that ended in a spanking. My fiance had grown up in family that didn't believe in corporal punishment and was surprised and maybe a little intrigued by mom's use of the hairbrush on my siblings and me. I wasn't there to hear all of it, but apparently no details were left out.
ReplyDeleteIt was after we got home that Beth asked even more about this aspect of my upbringing and I gave her my perspective. I told her that these were painful memories, but that I deserved the ones I got and probably more. She joked about sending me back to my mom for discipline and I surprised myself by suggesting that she could do it herself. I remember being embarrassed that I had said it, but was encouraged by her reaction. So we talked further. We had been dealing with pre-wedding jitters that included some conflict. I described my mom's hairbrush to her and suggested that she find one like it. It wasn't too long before she brought home a very nice hairbrush and left it on our dresser without comment.
Any doubts I had on whether she would use it were put to rest a few days later. She might have been tentative at first, but quickly got past that. That first one was an attention getter and the next few were progressively longer and harder. She was concerned the first time there was some bruising, but I assured her that she was doing just fine.
I can't say why she took to this role so easily. But I had given her plenty of reasons to want to take out her frustration with me and I still do. I also think she just enjoyed asserting herself this way.
There was an immediate improvement in our relationship and issues were far less likely to remain unresolved. It was obvious to many that I wasn't mature enough for marriage at that age and this gave Beth the tool she needed to deal with that. On more than a few occasions, she has said that my mother was right about what what works with me. My wife would never discuss our arrangement with her, so mom has no idea what she started.
Kevin
Kevin - Ever wonder if your Mom may have been discreetly offering Beth a subtle suggestion for a happy marriage? Or, at least - "planting the seed", so to speak. --al
Delete"It wasn't too long before she brought home a very nice hairbrush and left it on our dresser without comment."
DeleteIf our initial discussions had played out that way, I am very sure my heart would have jumped into my throat had I walked into the bedroom and seen that brush for the first time. As I've said, a year or so ago, Anne started leaving her two primary tools (ebony hairbrush and her wicked long-handled bath brush) out on our bathroom counter. There are times I walk into the bathroom and *still* have an emotional reaction to seeing them, even though they are now basically permanent fixtures in a room I see every day.
A former G.F. often referred to her brush, which was actually a sauna brush, as "the symbol of my authority" It was not unusual to find it sitting on the coffee table when she wanted to get my attention or make sure I understood her expectations. Interestingly I don't remember her bringing it out like that when she actually intended to spank me. For that the command was "get the brush" or she would lead me to where she was going to do it with the brush already there
DeleteAlan
-al said:
Delete“Ever wonder if your Mom may have been discreetly offering Beth a subtle suggestion for a happy marriage? Or, at least - "planting the seed," so to speak. –al”
This is something I have often wondered about. It seems to be a staple of some stories. But I don’t believe anyone has ever actually reported it happening to them or had knowledge of it happening.
Alan
Al, I can understand why that might be a possibility but I doubt it. My mom is very proud of her parenting skills and is happy to share those views when there is someone willing to listen. Spanking may not be as politically correct as it was when she was growing up, but that has never stop her from advocating it. When I was growing up, she never minded acknowledging to others that I had been spanked. So for her to bring the topic up with my fiancee is totally in character.
ReplyDelete"Caged Lion" passed away in the hospital early this morning from multiple organ failure. When the extend of his condition was clear, his wife had the doctors remove all artificial life support, and he passed peacefully, without any pain.
ReplyDelete