“Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” - Tom Stoppard
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to our female readers to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
I hope you all had a good week. Ours was . . . well . . . honestly, kind of shitty. And, the nature of the shittiness portends a difficult second half of the year and the strong possibility of getting WAY off track with respect to the DD and FLR aspects of our relationship.
A couple of weeks ago, I alluded to the fact that I was having trouble recovering from a recent motorcycle adventure and that Anne was also struggling with an injury.
Without going into detail, I banged myself up pretty good while on one of my recent motorcycle adventures. A month later, it’s still a problem. I saw an orthopedist, and it was pretty clear he thinks I’ve torn something. I have a definitive imaging test scheduled for next week. If it does turn out I need surgery to repair the damage, I’ve had the same kind of surgery before and, frankly, it pretty much sucked.
It's really irritating and demoralizing. I’ve talked about how last year I felt like I let myself get really stagnant and slipped on all sorts of measures around fitness, activity levels, and adventuring in early retirement. I’ve been feeling like I was making up a lot of ground this year.
Now, instead, of living retirement like the above meme, I’m likely going to be limping into the new year, with some substantial restrictions on physical activities lasting well into next year.
Meanwhile, Anne’s situation is even worse and entails a really crappy year-end for both of us, particularly for her. We knew there was a substantial chance that her injury could require surgery, but we thought it likely would be minor. Nope. Turns out her problem is way worse than mine and likely will require a very serious surgery with an equally serious recovery period. So, instead of engaging in some joint adventuring in the RV over the rest of the summer and into the fall, we’re likely to both be convalescing, in her case with some very serious mobility restrictions that will ensure I’m acting as chauffeur and maid for months.
With all that venting off my chest, it seemed like a natural segue into a topic Norton suggested a few weeks ago, namely:
“Another topic that we could explore is how to get things back on track after taking a break from spanking. We are dealing with that now, and in some ways, it feels like we are starting over.”
Anne and I had already been experiencing a bit of a lull ourselves, and I had been mulling over how to get us back on track. So, the topic is timely for me and I am interested in what others have done after experiencing a significant break or hiatus.
I’m also curious about how, for those of you who aren’t getting any younger, the aging process has affected your Domestic Discipline and FLR relationships.
For the most part, I feel like aging has been a good thing for us on all sorts of levels, including but not limited to DD.
In some ways, the older demographic we are in is more consistent with the thing I’ve had for older women, going back to at least high school. Anne looks a lot younger than any of the “older spanker” pics I have collected and posted here, but I continue to experience a certain vibe from older, authoritative women that I just don’t experience from younger ones.
I also feel like Anne’s confidence and openness about her role have grown by leaps and bounds as we moved into the post-kids, post-retirement phase of our relationship.
She hasn’t reached KOJ’s wife’s level of openness (see previous posts describing commenter KOJ’s wife spanking him at a party within earshot of guests), but she has started being very cavalier about spanking me in broad daylight, with the shades open, where neighbors could at least theoretically see in. That would not have happened when she was younger and much more concerned with reputational ramifications at work and among our social set. If I bought her a cup like this today, I'm not sure that she wouldn't be pretty comfortable using it openly (though she doesn't drink coffee):
It's also almost certainly the case that she spanks as hard or harder than she did when 20 years younger. I think it’s also true that she isn’t nearly as concerned about my reaction to punishments as she might have been in her younger days. She’s far more comfortable exercising her authority without letting concerns about my reaction paralyzing her or causing her very much angst or self-doubt. She carries herself differently than she did 20 years ago when she's in disciplinarian mode, and that's a good look on her:
Yet, it’s also true that we seem to have become more injury-prone as we’ve gotten into our 50s. If I do need surgery for this current injury, I will have only one limb that doesn’t have some artificial parts. And, looking back at past posts, it was only about a year and a half ago that I posted a topic about “surrogates” in connection with another injury Anne had suffered that might result in a lengthy hiatus from her DD role. It has me thinking about that issue, and how much more consistent and flexible things might be if we had something like the real DWC, in which men could be and were sent to other women in the group for discipline when needed.
It could even be in Anne's presence. When I look at my vast collection of "witness"-tagged spanking art (it's probably the biggest category I have, demonstrating how prevalent that fantasy must be), it's easy to imagine some of them as involving one wife giving another a helping hand (pun intended).
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One thing that is different this time around is Anne’s injury is not to her hand or arm. So, it’s theoretically possible that after a recovery period of a few weeks, we can get back on track, though I’m guessing the OTK position may be out for a while. Our recent discussions about furniture and implements turned out to be timely, as I’m guessing it may be time for her to explore the cane, and the strap and large paddle might be seeing more use, with me draped over the bed or bent over a chair.
How about you? Have you experienced long breaks in the DD
part of your relationship, whether from injury, illness, or just the various
impediments “real life” tends to present?
Or, maybe you just fell out of the habit. If so, how did you get back on
track?
Has aging played a part in any of those breaks? What other aspects of your DD relationship has the aging process played in your DD, for better or worse?
Have a great week.
ReplyDeleteYes, life just gets in the way sometimes. She says she sometimes feels like it’s just one more chore to add to her list. We seem to be constantly trying to get back on track, although we do seem to have been doing better recently, measured by the frequency of my bruising. We did have a situation such as you describe, just before Covid. She had had rotator cuff surgery and called a friend in to assist and do what she could not. Admittedly this was a friend we knew through the lifestyle community rather than someone from outside it, but I ended up getting a very thorough spanking from my wife by proxy, while she watched and directed. TG
That definitely illustrates an advantage of having friends in the lifestyle.
DeleteOnly a few years into our DWC lifestyle, my wife's sister inadvertently overheard me being spanked (we didn't realize she was in our home) which led to her asking my wife about it (over a few margaritas) shortly thereafter - turns out that she had some spanking fantasies of her own, and was very intrigued. My wife told her the whole story and soon after she witnessed me being spanked (on a good number of occasions). And - after witnessing a few - she joined in one evening as my wife and her both administered a birthday spanking for fun. After that, she did give me a few proxy spankings for my wife before she moved a few hours away. --al
DeleteI keep wondering whether at some point one of Anne's friends will notice something about our dynamic and ask about it. So far, as far as I know, no one has really picked up on it. I also think it is pretty likely that at some point one of our kids will figure it out, or Anne will tell them. Though, that obviously wouldn't lead to anything like a proxy or surrogate.
DeleteBest wishes for a speedy recovery for the both of you, a strong bound can mean a lot when facing health issues, but it still sucks.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting topic for me as we did get "off track" in a way. We had a fun, but informal DD relationship when we were first married 30+ years ago, however I didn't think of it that way at the time, I thought TH just liked to be spanked. When we had our kids, I wasn't comfortable with that type of play, and we went "off track". Skipping 12 years of details, TH lost his job and we sat down to discuss what we were going to do in the next chapter of our lives. TH opened up about his 'need" for wifely discipline and he found an offer from two woman promoting a new book on FRL that offered couples counseling. They interviewed us, both individually and together, and gave us questionnaires to fill out. That got us started, but I was still nervous, so we did a few in-person sessions with one of the women who was a pro-dom with a DD specialty. That launched us into a lifestyle that has continued to grow for the last 20 years. The woman we did the sessions with is still a friend and she is a surrogate on occasion, including last Saturday (I was present, but we both love her style and attitude). We know her husband too, and it's about the only other FLDD couple we know.
To keep the fire burning, we do a daily affirmation where I remind him of my authority and rules, and he agrees to honor me & obey :).
Regarding the aging/health part. I use DD to keep him active (yoga 3X per week), limit his drinking and maintain his healthy weight, not to mention helping me around the house.
There are days when I'm not feeling it and he gets moody as a result, but he snaps out of it when I give him correction or assign him a new task. Basically, I need to keep him busy to keep him happy, spanking him is only the tip of the iceberg.
The health issues that come with even normal aging do suck. But, it's also a consequence of the fact that we are both pretty active. If you're doing strenuous stuff, it can have an impact on your body. But, at the end of the day, the choice is to wear our or rust out, and I'll take the former every time.
Delete"TH lost his job and we sat down to discuss what we were going to do in the next chapter of our lives." I'm guess that similar stressors and life transitions play a big role in men initiating DD or couples consciously deciding to take it to a different level. Anne and I had similar "sit down" discussion a few months ago, after I got frustrated that I had become very stagnant three years into early retirement. It wasn't what I would call a mid-life crisis exactly, but it was a recognition that early retirement can either be a chance to try new things and take on some new adventures, or it can be a bunch of reading books and bingeing Netflix, and I needed some imposed motivation to make sure mine was the more of the former and less of the latter. When we first initiated DD, I was at a somewhat similarly stagnant point. I hadn't lost a job but I was pretty unsatisfied with the rut mine was in. As if by magic, the DWC suddenly presented itself. And, it's amazing what couples can do if they sit down for a real discussion about how things are going, what's working and what isn't, keeping an open mind and not getting defensive about anything.
MC:
DeleteMy wife and I have been collecting a variety of FLR-themed books over the past 10-12 years.
(Our experience: There are almost no books that deal directly, with any quality, about DD itself. Many of the FLR books seem like there were written by women who have little or no direct, first-hand experience in such FLR or DD relationships.)
So, just curious: Do you remember the name of the book your two "counselors" were "promoting?" Alternatively, might you remember the "nom de plume" of the author(s) of that FLR book?
Any help is greatly appreciated.
I’d also be interested to know that. T G
DeleteIt is titled, How to be a Dominant Diva, available on Amazon. It is lighthearted advice on introducing FemDom to couples. Not strictly DD, but got us going.
DeleteYes, last night I read several of the sixty-nine (69) different "scenes" outlined in the book. Some are better than others. There is certainly some good advice on the most initial/basic elements of "erotic spanking", both as stand-alone advice near beginning, and later incorporated into some of the playful scenes.
DeleteMy perspective is (1) too much emphasis on costumes and props, and (2) not enough advice on women getting into the "head space" needed for possible progression to more serious activities.
However, I can certainly see how it can serve as an excellent introduction to women "taking the lead" in the bedroom by "selecting and orchestrating" "spice" therein.
Google's "Artificial Imbecility" strikes again: Another of my comments ==> Straight to Google' SPAM Heap!
DeleteMC, "Brett" reached out to me by email and said he is having some kind of technical problem posting. He wants to know, if you're willing to share, the pro domme you used that included couples' counseling. If you don't feel comfortable posting it here, feel free to send me an email, if you're willing, and I can send it along to Brett.
DeleteGeorgia Payne, she is very good at DD and is based in LA.
DeleteJust thought I would through in a "shout-out" for Ms. Payne:
DeleteYes, she is here in Los Angeles, and has worked here for approximately the past twenty years. Yes, she is extremely experienced, and from my conversations with some of her customers, very good at what she does.
I have met her on two occasions at "LA Doms and subs" (LADs) meetings, and she is a very nice, personable woman in everyday life.
I was going to ask if the author was the same Georgia Payne as the dominatrix in LA. When I read the couple of paragraphs on 'takedown spankings' on her website, it was clear that she got this whole fetish at its core, and either shared in it herself or was an exceptional listener and really dedicated to meeting her clients' needs.
DeleteThanks, MC. I'm familiar with her website.
DeleteThe longest we have been ‘off’ DD in 12 years has been about 4 weeks and that was one of the occasional periods where we just didn’t seem to be ‘in tune’. Early on in the DD phase of our relationship she seemed to just go through the motions of delivering a punishment- almost as if it were a duty or worse, merely satisfying a need of mine. We have talked this through and now she will only initiate a session when she feels it is deserved & necessary. There will always be a scolding, a clear explanation of why she feels it is needed. That has helped keep it real which is what we both want. There have been some physical restrictions at times which have limited her power of delivery but she just goes on for longer … TB
ReplyDeleteThat's great that 4 weeks is the longest gap you've had.
DeleteDan, sorry to hear about your injuries. My wife and I have had our share of them. It definitely affects the mood of DD because you’re obviously focused on healing. Like you, I have a serious attraction to older women. My wife is older than I am. If I see an older well dressed women in a beautiful dress, i have to take multiple looks. I’m turned off by young spankers. We too have gotten off track at times. Lately, it seems it’s been easier to reminder her how beneficial DD has been for both of us, For example, last week I was severely punished for going out and over indulging w a friend. The same group went out to a stag this week. My wife gave me that look and said, I hope we don’t have a repeat of last week or else, it will be worse than before. The days after the last thrashing hurt and I was uncomfortable sitting. I could feel it and although I enjoyed myself at the stag, I toed the line. A buddy had to stay over, but my wife and I had a conversation when we came home. She knew I wasn’t drunk and I got up the next morning to prepare for friends we were having for dinner. She told me she was proud of me and I said, I thought about the beating I was given. It made me check myself on those extra drinks and to avoid the shots.
ReplyDeleteT
That's the second time in a few weeks your buddy has stayed over, right? Seems like HE needs a DD wife! :-)
DeleteDan, you are correct in that be could use a DD wife. Unfortunately, he is divorcing and believe it or not, she is to blame and not him. Although, it takes two to tango. Without giving up ages specificallty, it seems to me that I’m the youngest in our group. I wish there were more younger couples active in our thing. I think it would be beneficial to a lot of marriages in today’s society. I do like the way my wife has been much more assertive lately.
DeleteT
T,
DeleteI was thinking the same thing: I don't know why DD seems to be something that apparently appeals mainly to older couples. I and my wife are among the younger people involved in such lifestyles.
I personally think DD can be particularly useful for young married couples, given the increased tendencies of younger men to do silly things through immaturity. I think that pretty much the best thing young men can do is find a good wife early on and have her use DD from the beginning!
J
J,
DeleteI’m right with you on the way you feel. When I met my wife, we dabbled in spanking as fore play. She already knew of my fetish , but it was only after a long period of time before I suggested DD. I felt the need to be held accountable for my actions. This was the way my wife and I could be on even keel so to speak. She is also a bit older than I am. After she finally willing to try it, she instantly could see the difference in my attitude and tone. Now when I raise my voice or get animated, she will say lower your voice or I’m gonna give you a thrashing. She now gives a spanking that you don’t want to have repeated. One of our friends wives said to me, wow you guys are still so “in love” after all these years, how is that possible. I kind of chuckled.
Of course we won’t ever tell them why.
T
T,
DeleteGlad you found DD spanking, albeit later on. It is beneficial whenever it is introduced, but the maximum benefit is when it is introduced from the beginning.
Just like people notice what you are like after all those years, people notice what we have been like from the beginning. People have commented to my wife on my early maturity.
A visible sign of this maturity was in my lifestyle. Some acquaintances still had childish pastimes and avoided adult responsibilities even after marriage, but I went straight for them. The wedding night spankings gave me such confidence that I was able to live an adult lifestyle that I was trying for a little one straight after the spanking. Over the next nine months, she reformed my character further.
I think this is how young men should do things: actively look for a wife who will give DD spankings and dive straight into adult life, rather than trying to constantly stay in earlier stages of life due to immaturity.
J.
I'm not sure what the actual age demographics are on DD interest and participation. The DWC website included a couple of surveys, and those results showed a very pronounced bell curve, with few respondents in their 20s, a few more but still very low in their 30s, then a very pronounced jump from the 40s through 60s, with a peak in the 50s.
DeleteOn the female side, Al has mentioned a few times the theory that kinky women are vanilla in their 20s, submissive in their 30s, and dominant in their 40s. I don't have enough experience to have any real opinion on that, though it sound plausible.
For me, the explanation that resonates the most is that 90% of the time it is the men who initiate these relationships, and in their 20s and 30s many men are simply too immature to realize they need it, so they don't ask. It's a shame, but it seems to be the case that the "men" you could profit from it the most are those in their 20s and 30s, who these days are barely men at all and pretty likely to be acting about like they did as little boys, yet the fact that they *are* so immature and locked in "bro* mode makes it very unlikely they will discover DD and even less likely that they will ask for it.
As for the women, they tend to gravitate toward older guys until they reach a certain age, so they aren't hanging out with the "bros" anyway, at least not at a point in time where they have the maturity and the confidence to initiate a DD or FLR arrangement.
In short, there aren't that many young couples in DD because the men have too much confidence and lack the maturity to ask for it, while the women may be mature enough to recognize he needs it but they don't have the confidence yet to actually do anything about it.
Dan,
DeleteMe neither. I don't have statistics personally, but I am sure that the proportion of young men who could benefit from F/M DD is far more than are actually in such a marriage. As you say, it is a shame.
I think the best thing young men can do to set themselves on the growth trajectory is get economically set up for marriage ASAP, find a woman willing to do F/M DD, have lots of children very quickly and give her a free rein to spank whenever she wants: in these circumstances, she will be very willing to do so! This very quickly gets him outside "bro mode".
I remember I was quite a "bro" before I got married! I knew it wasn't where I wanted to be though, so before we got married, we agreed that she would use F/M DD and we would try for children straight away: I can't tell you how different I felt the morning after the wedding and by the end of the honeymoon! My buttocks looked very different and we were expecting our first child, which I was very pleased with.
I was the one who proposed the lifestyle and she had some reluctance, but she was keen to help me become the man I wanted to be, so she was happy to go in at the deep end on our wedding night.
Out of curiosity, how would you go about persuading a "bro" approaching marriage in his 20s about the merits of F/M DD?
J.
My wife somewhat followed that pattern. She was early / mid thirties and submissive when we met and transitioned to dominant within a year or so of meeting, so certainly before forties, but followed the progression. T G
DeleteJ., I agree those would all be good steps to get out of "bro" mode, though I personally got dragged kicking and screaming into having kids as early as we did and still think it was a very mixed bag at the time. And, it definitely had a negative impact on our ability to fully explore and embrace DD once we discovered it. (Though, while I wanted to have a few more years as a couple before becoming parents, I admit it is admit to be in our 50s and our kids are both out of not only college but grad school, while we have friends with kids who are still in high school.)
DeleteI don't know how much I would try to persuade a "bro" to try DD in his 20s. I'm not sure many are mature enough at that age to appreciate the benefits. The few who might probably have a strong internal sense that they aren't on the right path and are spinning their wheels. For those few, I'd probably have them read something like the DWC and see if it appealed.
What I don't really know is whether I would have been attracted to DD had I known about it in my 20s. As I've said, I had a thing for strong, older women back then. Had I found one that was into DD, I don't have much doubt she could have bent me to her will. But, I really don't know how I would have reacted had I discovered something like the DWC back then.
TG, I don't think Anne was ever "submissive," but for us those categories just didn't have much application before DD. We weren't into any "power exchange" kind of kink, so we weren't thinking in terms of "dominant" or "submissive' before DD or in any of our prior relationships.
DeleteDan,
DeleteAgreed, it will take a lot and possibly be impossible to persuade a 20s bro to get his life on track if he is determined to stay off the rails.
Even so, the best thing a man can do is get married to a F/M DD woman and let her do whatever she wants. It was such a great feeling, getting to the end of my honeymoon and have a sore backside and knowing there was a baby on the way.
I find that as long as one plans for spanking, it is possible to find ways to continue the lifestyle, even after the arrival of children.
J.
>Dan wrote: "In short, there aren't that many young couples in DD because the men have too much confidence and lack the maturity to ask for it, while the women may be mature enough to recognize he needs it but they don't have the confidence yet to actually do anything about it."<
DeleteI think this nails if for most couples - where one or both of the partners may have an unspoken interest in F/M DD (most likely the man). I know that I had at least a "fantasy interest" in it in my twenties - but would never have "risked" revealing that or asking for the lifestyle at that age - due to risk of appearing unmasculine or "perverted". It was when the public access to the Internet went on line in 1993 (in my thirties) and I began to read spanking stories on the Usenet groups that I began to consider it as even a remote possibility.
As Dan noted above (with one minor correction), we were told by a lady friend into bdsm/kink that women who have a thing for kink are very often subs in their twenties, switches in their thirties, and tops in their forties - which does correspond to the age range in which many DWC wives first try the lifestyle.
Our friend, one of my wife's old college friends, revealed her lifestyle one evening a few years back as we were all having a bit too much to drink one evening - and she said that had been her experience. And now - our age - she almost always topped when playing. (And she has spanked me, and witnessed me being spanked since then). --al
Al, it would be interesting to know whether changes in male-female dynamics among the Millennials and Gen Z are switching things up at all in terms of when women get interested in switching or being the "top." Over the last few years, women have made a huge amount of progress in terms of the roles they are taking on in society, while 20 and 30 year old men seem very intent on staying little boys as long as possible. I wonder whether we'll see women interested in stepping up at younger ages, but the men in their lives being more resistant to it because they lack the maturity to recognize they need it.
DeleteAl,
DeleteUnderstood. It is a shame that this viewpoint is so widespread among young men.
I can't say I am perfect in this regard. I originally thought what many young men think: F/M DD is not masculine. However, I later realised that a man taking that sort of pain for the good of his marriage is very masculine! Also, it is extremely masculine to have the strength of conviction to ignore social pressure and do what is right, gives the ultimately better outcome, or whatever!
It took a huge amount of fortitude on my part, firstly to admit to myself that F/M DD is very useful for developing young men such as myself (and keeping them on the rails), and secondly for bringing myself to ask my wife for it before we were even married (given the possibility of scaring her away). No matter how sound my viewpoint on F/M is, if she had subscribed to the same viewpoint as I originally did, things would have gone nowhere!
However, with some things in life, one needs to bite the bullet and go over the early hurdles. F/M DD is among the most natural things in the world now, but that took time and going over the early hurdles!
J
Dan,
DeleteI find that young men are going to both extremes. Some men remain as man-children, but some have monk-like commitments to self-improvement. I assume F/M DD will appeal to many such men.
J.
We are kinda off track right now because of being with family for several weeks. However, she has made it clear that once we are free of family she intends to spank me till I can't sit down for my attitude. The closest she has ever come to outing us in front of family was this week while we're around my mom and sister in law. I was giving her attitude and being a brat. She suddenly declared in front of every body that I needed an attitude adjustment. No one responded but it made me wonder if they picked up on the idea that she does just that. I can commiserate with Dan It's been 9 months since I injured my shoulder and still not 100%. Pain is strange it can be annoying and depressing at our age but it can also keep us from doing something more dangerous like pissing off our wives.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the thing that is really bumming me out about the injury isn't the pain itself (though it's screwing up my sleep, leaving me tired and irritated), but that the surgery will definitely but a big crimp in my plans to make this a very active summer and fall. Oh well . . . best laid plans . . .
DeleteAnne hasn't gone a long way toward outing us in front of family, but our (adult) kids have definitely picked up that she seems to be making more decisions these days, as we've been a bit further down the FLR path. There also was Christmas morning a couple of years ago, when she asked me to do something in the kitchen and I made some smart ass quip. She responded with, "Or, I could just spank you." I don't *think* anyone actually heard it, but there were family members within earshot.
Since I wrote my post we have gotten back on track in a big way. We had to move our RV and our's is huge. Due to her having an injury that makes it hard for her to stand she does the backup parking and I give her directions. It has often been the cause of arguments and thus punishments for me. Usually she is so angry with me that she will wait a day or two to spank me and sometimes she just let's it go. This time I really screwed up and completely lost my mind. I cursed at her under my breath but somehow she heard it. She said did you just say what I think you did. I had to admit that I did. She was angry but held her tongue and simply told me I had a spanking coming. I thought she would be too angry to deal with it for days and after I appoligized I thought she would forget it all together. That night before bed she reminded me that I was due a severe spanking and for the first time she followed thru spanking me harder than she ever has. The next morning I apologized again and told her how proud I was of her for giving me the spanking I deserved in a timely manner and that I loved her and appreciated her taking her role seriously. She has really stepped up the strictness since. She thank goodness I have not earned another trip over her knee but she has used corner time for thing she usually would just let slide.
DeleteWhile I'm sure you earned it through your comment, I also have to laugh at envisioning the trouble I would make for myself in a similar situation with Anne trying to park our (quite small) RV.
DeleteGood topics that we can certainly relate to, as we are both closer to 80 than 70. It has been a pleasant surprise that spanking continues this late in life, much more often than sex. Dan, as I mentioned before, I gave up motorcycles in my mid 70s, because I knew she was worried every time I got on the bike. I missed it for a while, but enjoy hiking every day. It seemed like if she was willing to give me the discipline I needed, the most important thing I could do for her was to not make her worry. That was a good photo you included in this weeks post of "mature women spank harder" That has been absolutely true in my experience, and I seem to need hard spankings to prevent me from doing impulsive things. Usually just the threat of a disciplinary spanking is enough to make me think twice. Lately, she has become more strict, which seems to work well for me. For us, getting older has been pretty good, although we have many friends who are struggling with health issues. There is no doubt that DD has helped me lived longer and better. We don't bicker, and I appreciate her efforts to keep me on track. She has had a few setbacks, so we have occassionally needed take a break from DD until she was back on her feet. The key for us has been communication, and we try to be clear with each other about what is going on and what we need. As far as her getting another woman to spank me if she wasn't up to it, we simply don't know anybody to fill that role. However, it is an appealing thought to be spanked with her directing and watching. I liked MC's idea of a daily affirmation to reinforce their DD, and would like to hear more specifically how that ritual goes. For us, maintenance spanking seem to continue to insure that spanking is an ongoing ritual for us, and if I have earned any discipline, it will happen then. Because it happens twice a week, I often have a sore bottom, and will constantly be aware that it will not be long until my next spanking.
ReplyDeleteGiving up motorcycles isn't something I would be willing to do at this stage, DD and FLR or no DD and FLR. I got my first motorcycle when I was 11, and it's one of those hobbies that is very close to an identity issue for me. It was a big issue early in our marriage. I had taken a break from motorcycles during college and graduate school, because I didn't have the money for one or any place to store it. When I told her I wanted to get another one, she hated the idea. We got into a huge fight, and I basically just held my ground and said I'd always wear a helmet and, as far as the other risks are concerned, that's what life and medical insurance are for. She wasn't happy about it, but she's outgrown her concerns, to the point that she doesn't blink an eye at me taking long mult-day, multi-state motorcycle camping trips. I do, however, do what I can to meet her concerns, like carrying an emergency satellite communicator that has text capability and that she can use to track my location.
DeleteLike you, I'm in better shape than some off my friends and, yeah, some of them probably could use DD.
My guess is you are at least 10 years younger than me, and I rode until a few years ago. I loved them, and was a good rider, but you sound more dedicated and do more long distance trips than I ever did. Also, we had a close friend that had somebody cut in front of him, resulting in permanent brain injury. Lastly, when I get on a bike, I can't seem to resist pushing it hard, especially on nice windy roads. It isn't uncommon to reach a stage where you can't get on without wondering, is this the day? You'll know when you reach that stage. But as long as you love it, go for it.
DeleteNorton, the daily affirmation is 2 pages inside a leather restaurant menu cover, and it only takes a couple of minutes. I give it to Tom each morning with him sitting on a low stool and me on a chair looking down at him. It starts by reciting his need for my loving authority in his life, and that to "help" me I have recruited my alter ego: MC. MC is strict and demanding and is able to do things that I, as his loving wife, would find difficult. We then go through rules such as speaking to me in a respectful tone, being honest in his answers, not losing his temper and obeying my directions. Next is a short list of things he agrees to do (he answers, "will do, Ma'am" and a short list of things he won't do (to which he answers "won't do Ma'am"). I end by agreeing to help him with my guidance and discipline. That's it. We like it because it reminds us of both daily of our dynamic and our need to honor it.
DeleteThank you, ma’am!
DeleteNorton,
DeleteVery useful thoughts there.
Definitely don't think I will live longer as a result of our setup ;-), but even though life will be a lot shorter, it will be vastly better! An old age beset by injuries does not appeal.
I subscribe to the idea of quality over quantity and DD spanking is definitely useful in this respect: it enables a man to achieve a lot more in a short stretch of time and it is useful for a man in a hurry to achieve things! There are too many man-children out there, hence why I think men should get married early to a woman who will use DD on him!
Agreed on maintenance spanking: if nothing else, it enables habits to be maintained. If people aren't diligent about maintaining habits, they can easily fall away.
J
>enables habits to be maintained<.
DeleteWe came across this bit of advice in the old DWC forum, and made weekly maintenance spankings a part of our DWC lifestyle - for the purpose of maintaining the "spanking habit" and "disciplinary mentality" in our marriage.
In following forums such as this for decades, I have observed that it is not uncommon for the spanking habit to simply fade away due to the business and pressure of career and family life - unless there is a conscious effort to maintain it.
--al
I've always resisted the idea of maintenance spankings, and Anne has never been interested in them either. But, now that we seem to be in another lull, I wonder whether I do need to seriously reevaluate. I do think that if we could get more diligent about it, the weekly check-ins we were doing for a while would be a better vehicle for us, because they would keep the dynamic going but spankings would still be tied to misbehavior or lack of progress on goals, chores, etc.
DeleteI think it is good to persist, whatever the underlying motivation at any time, even if this means that sometimes, it will be solely a sexual motivation. A disciplinary motivation will return eventually.
DeleteJ.
Recently I had some heart issues and all spankings were put on hold for about 6 weeks. The first spanking was sort of a 'token' or 'let's try this' for now. The second spanking was all bare hand, no implements. The next is for tomorrow and as I improve, I feel she will get back to near normal spanking routines. I'm not sure she is spanking harder as she ages, but she sure is not spanking with any less force. Also as some have mentioned, she seems to be a bit less concerned if anyone hears, sees or finds out about our FLR. Almost to the point of 'it's your ass, cowboy, if somebody sees or hears you being spanked, it is your problem'.
ReplyDeleteWe all age and our physical state has been affected a bit. We are trying hard not to allow it to alter our FLR and necessary spankings. We still have our maintenance program in force and still like attending spanking parties and dungeon visits.
Sorry to hear about the heart issues. I hope you're OK and recover quickly.
DeleteKen Mo has a pretty new song out on youtube called "Put a Woman in Charge", which is probably a sentiment you all can relate to. Certainly hope that happens in November.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the typo / spell correct. That should have been Keb Mo.
ReplyDeleteDan, doesn't sound fun. I hope the recovery is a lot faster than expected for both of you.
ReplyDeletePhysical injuries haven't been a problem but the children entering new stages derail us. We've also set discipline aside while we are thinking about it. I want to say the longest stretch was a few years. I'm sure we'll perfect our approach just in time to start breaking hips and having nosy neighbors.
Thanks, MW. It's very true that having kids isn't binary in terms of its impact on DD. They do go through stages, and those stage vary a lot in terms of how much they are around and how much they are paying attention. And, I'm sure there is a lot of individual variation. When I was in high school, I was rarely at home at all. In contrast, our kids were constantly hanging out at home. Probably the most frustrating time for us in terms of DD consistency was the teenage years, because even after they could drive they were still always around, and they stayed up way later than us, so our former routine of waiting until kids were in bed no longer worked.
DeleteDan,
DeleteDid you try quieter instruments? The Loopy Johnny seems to be a good option.
J.
We did try the Loopy Johnny. But, it had a nasty habit of looping back to strike her hand.
DeleteCan anything be done about that? Say wearing gloves?
DeleteJ.
There are really only two solutions to Loopy Johnny's (LJ) tendency to "slap-back" onto the disciplinarians hand:
Delete(1) Choose, or make, an LJ that has a "stiff" enough loop that it can't bend back that far. (Alternatively, sometimes a shorter piece of thicker rubber/shrink-wrap tubing can be slipped over the LJ's loop, closest to the handle, to stiffen the loop where it attaches to that hand and thus minimize "bend-back."); or
(2) Choose, or make, an LJ that has a handle that is five to seven inches (5-7") longer than the length of the loop. Long enough so that any "slap-back" lands only on the handle, and can never reach far enough back to impact the hand.
The main thing that has caused interruptions to our DD routine is childbirth. With all the disruption that comes with a new baby, it is natural that DD spanking will fall by the wayside for a time.
ReplyDeletePart of the reason for this is that DD has some connection to sexual desire (however much we might deny it), which naturally falls by the wayside after childbirth for a period. When her postpartum sexual desires return, her desire to spank me tend to return. Not to say DD spanking never ever happens in this immediate postpartum period, but it has an enormous influence.
Sometimes, when DD returns, we tend to make a mini-ceremony of it, almost like we did on our wedding night. I am always relieved when things revert to normal after the lull, for a variety of reasons!
J
We didn't discover DD until sometime after both our kids were born, so I didn't go through that particular lull.
DeleteThis was true for us also. On the other hand, being spanked by a tired woman several months pregnant, whose life was made a little harder that day by her husband, is really special. "I have to spank this guy, and we're not even to the part where I really need help."
DeleteMW,
DeleteAgreed. Things like that go a long way to maintaining habits.
J.
Yes. I told her I need it once a week or so. When goes without being done a long while I feel all out of sorts. JR
ReplyDeleteWe've never gotten a weekly level of consistency, though I do think that's probably about the right schedule to keep me fully in-line.
DeleteWe are still in our 30s and other than a sprained wrist, my wife hasn't really experienced injury that prevented her from disciplining me. Since we don't have kids, privacy has rarely been an issue for us. We have postponed it a few times when company is here or one of us is under the weather, but it's not something that she forgets about.
ReplyDeletePretty humdrum, but what's noticeable is how consistent my spankings have been over the years. I don't think it's by design, but I can almost count on somewhere around a half dozen per year. Maybe one or two less than that in a given year (especially the last couple), but hardly ever more. My wife is a patient woman and I tend to push my luck with her. The result is a pent up need for discipline that she is more than willing to address.
Kevin
That was probably about our average for a long time. Maybe a few more - like 8 a year. For a while there, it was ramping up substantially, but then we got off track again thanks to travel and other commitments.
DeleteKevin, do you both get squirrelly when it's been several weeks? That's pretty cool. Most of the pressure comes from me when it's been too long.
DeleteMW, I get that feeling when it's been a couple of months since my last one. It's probably true for Beth too, although she's never said so. It's not hard to tell when a spanking is imminent at our house, even a couple days in advance. Yours too?
ReplyDeleteKevin
I'd say you can tell by me missing the mark more than the atmosphere days in advance. She is cautious about committing to one and minimizes its effect on the house. I usually have to admit and gently prompt her, and it has to seem to her like I'm in the middle range where I've tried, moderately failed, and need the boost back on track.
DeleteFor example, in the morning, she might say, "hey, you've missed XYZ twice since last Sunday. Can you do it today?" and raise an eyebrow at me with a little smirk. If I don't pull it together, the conversation while prepping dinner might sound like this:
Her: "How did XYZ go today?"
Me: "Uh, the day went a little better, but I still wasn't quite able to."
Her: "Like, you tried and something came up that meant it was impossible? Or you didn't really try?"
Me: "Well, it was busy, but I didn't try as hard as I should've."
Her: "Okay...hmm."
Me: "I mean, it should probably..."
Her, nodding: "Yes, we can do it tonight."
That locks in the spanking. The most atmospheric anticipation is in the hour or so when it's now possible to be spanked, but she wants to wait until she's finished with something else. She knows she has all the power to dictate when and to what extent this thing happens or whether it's called off. I am on good behavior those evenings.
There's more I could write but that gives an idea.
Although it's cooled off a little, there was a period a few months ago where I got the distinct impression that Anne would get antsy if she didn't have a good reason to spank every week or two. That was a new development. It didn't last long, but hopefully we can get that and everything else back on track after we're done with all this medical stuff.
DeleteDan I hope you and Anne both heal quickly!
ReplyDeleteHere is one of favorite quotes:
Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!
Hunter S. Thompson
I can agree with that sentiment. Like I said, we're all going to go one way or another. The choice is to wear out or rust out.
DeleteIt should also be remembered that Hunter S Thompson died of suicide at 67. You can have a good quality of life by doing what you can, while letting go of things that could easily shorten your life or lead to a diminished quality of life. Continued heavy drinking can hasten many problems, including dementia. For me, in my later 70s, the most important thing is to be able to keep hiking, and hope to be doing that until I die. Yes, I am slowing down, as I think it's wise to try to attain a balance. I also happen to believe this is your one and only life, and want to be able to enjoy it as long as possible.
DeleteAntonio, I would go even further than Hunter S. Thompson: I will definitely go out with a bang long before all the wearing out he mentioned! The Wikipedia article about him mentions his difficulty dealing with things associated with aging and I have no intention of lingering till the sort of things he mentioned happen!
DeleteNorton, heavy drinking can cause problems even at early stages of life. I believe it is good to approach life with a mentality of time being short and therefore wanting to achieve things, and heavy drinking can be a bad distraction at the key times of life.
J.
J. Many problems that others have with aging may never happen to you. As Mark Twain said, "Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many"
DeleteGlad you are enjoying your life.
Norton,
DeleteHappy they won't be happening to me.
J.
Norton, agreed, aging kind of sucks, but not compared to the only other known alternative.
DeleteDan - best wishes on a quick and full recovery! I've had a very busy few weeks - and still have a few more coming - so I've been a bit out of the loop here on the forum.
ReplyDeleteAs I'm now getting into my mid-sixties and still being spanked regularly (for over 20 years now), I have begun to wonder if there is an age where I will feel that I am simply too old for spanking - 70? 80? Right now - as my wife and I are both healthy and active, I am guessing the spanking will continue until there is a real "health/physical reason" not to.
--al
Thanks, al!
DeleteI wonder about that too. Then, I look at Aunt Kay's Jerry, who I know is still interested in the lifestyle even if he doesn't have an outlet for it, and he's 80