“The longer and harder you spank, the more he will love you for it.” – Aunt Kay
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
I hope you all had a great week. Mine was okay, though we had relatives visiting for part of it and Anne had a major social event to plan for and carry out. By mid-week, we both were pretty worn out and just looking forward to life getting back to normal. It seems like 2024 is off to a hectic start, though not necessarily in a bad way.
I also spent a little too much time on some local political stuff that included a little too much of what passes for “discussion” in on-line community groups. Last year, I put myself on a “news diet” after I got a little too obsessed with the Ukraine war and media political coverage. I started noticing the negative impact it was having on my emotional health. It may be that 2024 needs to be the year of the social media diet.
So, here’s my little tribute to his story, which was entitled Even More and appeared in the “Fiction” section of the DWC website.
I’m reprinting the full story here with his permission, intermixed with some spanking visuals. Then I’ll talk a little about why it resonated for me. I won’t include specific topic questions, so just jump in with any comments you may have. Again, I don’t plan to take this lazy approach very often.
***
All things considered, Susan had been quite patient. For a good ten minutes, she had listened to David’s rantings flow through the telephone in a seemingly incessant stream. She was not altogether unsympathetic to his frustration. Nevertheless, he was just being plain grumpy and irritable. And the solution was all too obvious. “David, stop. This discussion has ended and you are in for a long hard spanking tonight. Maybe that will give you something else to think about for a while,” Susan pronounced.
Immediately a bolt of terror flashed through the pit of David’s gut. A trip over Susan’s knee was not the stuff of fun and fantasy. He did not want a dose of Susan’s hairbrush. And he especially did not want one tonight. Already depressed and upset over their argument, he was definitely “not in the mood” for the thorough bottom blistering that he knew Susan would deliver.
The immediate change in David’s tone and attitude was nothing short of remarkable, “Oh, please, Susan, not that, not tonight. I am really, really sorry. I just got carried away, that’s all. You know how much I love you. I never meant to upset you. I promise — not another word about it.” Susan replied softly but unyieldingly, “I know you love me, David, and you’ll love me even more after I finish spanking you tonight. I know you don’t think so now, but you will. I love you, too, David, and you’ll just have to trust me — you need a good sound spanking. It really is for the best. But I have to get back to work now. So I’ll see you when I get home, and we’ll take care of it right then and there, and get it out of the way. Bye now.”
David briefly pondered the idea that maybe this was the time to give up their disciplinary relationship. Susan had told him that he could opt out of the arrangement at any time if he had truly decided it was not for him after all. But she would not go back and forth with it, playing games. He either wanted to be a disciplined husband, or he didn’t. She would not leave him over his decision to cancel their contract, but neither would she remain in a relationship with constant bickering and arguing. If he did not choose to have her impose discipline on him, he would have to find a way to become self-disciplined.
And, he had asked for the relationship, he reflected, as his thoughts drifted back over the past couple of years.
It had started as play, with David introducing spanking into their sexual explorations. While spanking had been a lifelong fantasy for David, Susan had thought it somewhat kinky at first, but had gradually warmed to the idea. Although they had switched some at first, it soon became evident that David’s passion was to bottom, and Susan surprised herself by discovering how much she enjoyed the sense of power and domination she experienced when playing the top role.
The spankings had remained light and playful for a time, with Susan giving David relatively brief hand spankings, and maybe a few swats with a padded ping pong paddle, prior to their making love. David had experienced little actual pain, mostly a mild sting, with an occasional zinger thrown in for good measure.
However, David’s real desire, so he believed, was a real disciplinary spanking, the kind he had read of so many times in the stories that appeared on the Net. Countless times he had fantasized about being taken over a woman’s knee, and his bare bottom subjected to a long and hard paddling with the hairbrush, the kind that would leave his rear red and blistered, and tears in his eyes.
But David just couldn’t bring himself to express these secret desires to Susan. He was already struggling with the idea that he was somehow diminishing his masculinity by taking the bottom role, even in the mild spanking play they had enjoyed thus far. To ask her to deliver the kind of disciplinary spanking he so often fantasized about, and to explain what that entailed, was simply too much for him.
The fateful event that was to change all that was so simple it was almost anticlimactic. David found a website. He was just surfing when he stumbled on “The Disciplinary Wives Club”. Here he marveled as “Aunt Kay” encouraged wives to take matters “in hand” with their bad boy husbands, and even included detailed instructions on how to properly spank their errant spouses. And they were exactly the kind of spankings he so often fantasized about, perhaps even more so.
He had read with almost morbid fascination Aunt Kay’s section on techniques, in which she advocated bare bottom, over the knee spankings, delivered long and hard with the legendary hairbrush. When hubby was finally let up, she had postulated, his eyes should be wet with tears, his knees quivering, and his bottom very well blistered. Her concluding remark had been, “The longer and harder you spank, the more he will love you for it.”
That final remark haunted him, touched something deep and dark far down in his soul, as he read the pages in the site over and over. This was it, he finally admitted to himself, the realization of his fantasies, to be the disciplined husband of a disciplinary wife.
Sometime later, Susan returned from her shopping trip. And David, in a great leap of faith and courage, managed to smile and say, as casually and light-heartedly as he could possibly manage, “Susan, come take a look at this website. It looks like it’s right up your alley.”
Susan glanced over David’s shoulder to see what he had found, and immediately said, “Wow! What’s this about?”
She spent an hour or so seemingly engrossed in the information emanating from the screen, as David nervously scurried about, putting groceries away, making Susan a cup of coffee, and generally doing anything he could think of stay busy, trying not to drive himself insane wondering what she must be thinking.
Finally, Susan turned away from the screen. She remained silent for a moment, seeming to gather her thoughts, and then said simply, “Dave, is this what you want?”
Soon he replied, softly, seriously, “Yes, Susan, I think it is. At least I think I would like to experience it.”
Susan surprised him with a smile and a giggle, “Oh good! I was hoping you would say that. Are you ever in for it the next time you leave the toilet seat up!”
They laughed together, and with the ice broken, talked for hours about their desires, and the details of their arrangement. David was able to confess his most secret fantasies, and Susan was able to admit that their spanking play had sparked something she didn’t know was in her, a passion for disciplinary dominance.
By dinnertime, they had typed up a preliminary contract outlining their rules for a disciplinary relationship and had gone out to their favorite steak house to celebrate their new arrangement. They had even stopped at the mall on the way home to find Susan a real wooden hairbrush.
They had no sooner arrived home than Susan followed David into the bathroom to discover that he had left the toilet seat up. “Damn it, David,” Susan exclaimed, “we just talked about you not leaving the seat up this afternoon. You know that was one of the things we agreed you would be spanked for.”
David stammered, “Sorry, I just forgot. You know it takes a while to break old habits. But I promise I won’t forget again.” David really had forgotten to lower the seat, lost in thought about all that had transpired through the day. And he was nervous. In spite of all his fantasies, the reality of the contract and the purchase of the hairbrush was beginning to sink in. He began to wonder if he had made a very big mistake.
.jpeg)
David gulped, “Don’t you think I should get one warning, Susan? Don’t you think that would be more fair?”
“David, you just signed a contract this afternoon agreeing to no arguments about your discipline, and now you’re already arguing. You asked for this arrangement, and you’re going to live up to it. Now, do as I said.” And with that, Susan had turned and walked away.
David removed his pants and underwear and followed Susan into the living room, finding her sitting in the middle of the sofa, hairbrush in hand.
Susan said nothing, but tapped the brush against her thigh, the signal they had agreed on for him to lie across her legs.
Remembering that the contract called for extra punishment for anything other than immediate compliance to this signal, he quickly laid him across her legs, the sofa supporting his body. As was suggested in “Aunt Kay’s” spanking tips, she wrapped her right leg over his two legs to help hold him in place once the spanking began.
David’s mind briefly wandered to remember the one time a few weeks later when he had argued about crossing her knee on command. That had been a serious error. Susan had jumped up and beat him mercilessly across his bottom and thighs. Grabbing his arm, she had chased him around in a circle, furiously swinging the paddle against his bare bottom and thighs, re-enacting that age-old spanking dance. He had finally managed to drop to the floor and beg for mercy. But Susan had been hardly merciful. He had still received his longest spanking to date over Susan’s knee, and after corner time, had been soundly switched for his disobedience. He had been reduced to sobbing by the time the nasty switch had worked its painful black magic on him. He would never make that mistake again.
Susan had begun that first spanking with, “David, I simply will not tolerate you leaving the toilet seat up. It is thoughtless and inconsiderate. We have already discussed that you will get a spanking for this, and that is exactly what is going to happen. And you can believe that you will be remembering this spanking every time you sit down for a few days to come, and maybe that will help you remember that I have to sit down on the toilet. Do you understand?”
Susan swung her hairbrush for the first time. WHACK!! It was only a moderately hard swat, but it was far different from the mild swats that he had received by hand and occasionally the padded ping pong paddle. It stung and burned and hurt. The very real pain of the hairbrush was a shock; David really had no idea of the reality of what he had so often fantasized about, but with first crack of the hairbrush, reality became all too clear.
He gasped, “Yes ma’am, I understand. I promise it will never happen again.” “I hope not, David, because the very next time you do, you will find yourself right back over my knee again, and I will have to spank you much harder and longer. Do you understand that also?”
WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! Susan alternated cheek to cheek, striking a bit harder this time, finding that she enjoyed the sense of power she felt. David yelped. The hairbrush stung him badly. He had no idea that it would really hurt so much. “Yes ma’am, I promise I understand. I promise I will never ever forget again.”
“Well, we’ll see. I’m sure you will try to remember after the I get through giving your bottom a good long blistering.” WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! Susan delivered two to each cheek in rapid succession. She noted with satisfaction the pink glow that already beginning to form on David’s rear.
David groaned and buried his face in the sofa cushion. It hurt so bad. He could never have imagined.
“You really should be ashamed, David, having to have your bottom spanked like this. You would think a grown man could remember a simple little thing like leaving the toilet seat down.”
WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! Susan increased both the tempo and force of the swats, quickly administering four sharp swats to each cheek. His bottom began to turn a deeper shake of pink. David gasped, yelled, and swore into the pillow as the paddle burned and tormented his exposed back side. His rear was stinging badly now and he felt moisture beginning to form in the corners of his eyes.
WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! WHACK!! Susan moved lower this time, catching the underside of his buns with four brisk strokes each. She wanted to make sure she painted his entire bottom a bright red by the time she finished with him. If David really wanted to be a disciplined husband, she was going to make very sure that he knew what he was in for.Tears were forming in David’s eyes now, while he gasped and moaned as the merciless hairbrush set his ass on fire. He hoped he wouldn’t cry, but the pain was so overwhelming.
Susan paused for a moment. She had followed Aunt Kay’s advice to begin with sets of four and then eight before proceeding to the main spanking, a warm up to make sure the shock didn’t overwhelm him. David did appear to be over the initial shock. His head was buried in the pillow and his breathing was heavy. He seemed to have accepted his fate and given in to the ordeal to come.
So Susan got down to business, peppering David’s quickly reddening bare bottom with a nonstop rain of wooden terror. She made certain no spot went unpunished, painting his entire rear and upper thighs a colorful collage of pink, red, and purple.
David braced himself when the swats resumed, hoping he could endure the next set without totally losing his composure. But the terrible hairbrush kept coming, viciously attacking his tortured bottom. The stinging pain was overpowering, nothing like he had ever imagined. Somewhere around the twelfth swat of the latest barrage, he finally gave in and pleaded, “Susan, please stop! I’ve learned my lesson. I swear!”
Susan only replied, “Stop!? Hon, I’ve only just begun. I’m going to make damn sure you know what you have coming to you when you don’t listen to me! And I’m going to make sure you keep on remembering every time you sit down for the next week.” At Susan’s pronouncement of an extended sentence, David completely lost his composure, kicking, begging, pleading, and screaming as the paddle continued its relentless and savage assault on his battered buttocks.
Susan was not at all sympathetic to David’s plight. She briefly considered that she must have a natural inclination for this sort of disciplinary dominance. She was definitely experiencing a sense of satisfaction from the damage she was inflicting upon David’s now red bottom, as well as his dramatic repentance.
The paddling continued unabated. Susan worked the hairbrush repeatedly over every square inch of David’s glowing backside. She alternated cheek to cheek, thigh to thigh, top to bottom, then delivered several swats to a chosen sweet spot, before moving to the next.
David was lost to all but the searing, burning pain of the wood against his skin. He had tried to be strong and resist it, but it was too much. Finally, he gave into it. Tears turned to sobs as the paddle continued its seemingly unending dance across his severely tormented bottom.
And as David began to sob, Susan decided he had learned what a real spanking was all about. She knew this had been his fantasy, and she also knew that he was surely shocked by the reality of what he had asked for. His bottom was a solid red, spotted with purple bruises. He had kicked and screamed, begged for her to stop, and now was sobbing openly. Certainly, he must have had no idea of the truth behind his fantasy.
She completed David’s ordeal with a dozen swats, the hardest yet, all to the exact center of his bottom. David’s sobs became gut wrenching, but it was finally over. Slowly he had recovered, as Susan gently rubbed his bottom, and then taken him into her arms.
He found himself reflecting warmly on that first spanking, in spite of the awful pain to his backside. He vividly recalled the soreness he had experienced when sitting for the next several days. David’s reverie was suddenly interrupted by the clammer of the telephone. It was Susan calling on her cell phone to let him know that she would be home shortly and that he should assume the waiting position, meaning that when she walked through the door he would have to be standing naked in the corner. It was one of a number of traditions that had been established during his last two years as a disciplined husband.
David wasted no time stripping and heading for the corner. She would be home in no time, and he certainly did not want to earn a switching by not complying to the disciplinary rules Susan had set. A switching, in addition to whatever spanking he had coming anyway, had become the expected punishment for failing to follow the rules of discipline. David hated the switch the worst of all, and Susan knew it. So, she had reserved it for what she deemed the most serious of offenses, failure to immediately comply with her disciplinary instructions. If she allowed any slack with this, she knew he would soon become unmanageable. And she did not allow any slack at all. She showed absolutely no mercy when she had to use the switch on him, and David tried his best to make sure she did not have to use it often.
Momentarily Susan came in the front door and was immediately all business. She removed the hairbrush from her purse before setting it down.
Susan began, “David, how many time have you been spanked for ranting, bitching, and whining — five or six times? Well, obviously you are not getting the message. And I’ve really had enough of it. So, I’m going to try extra hard to make sure you get the message today. Just so you know what to expect — you’ll be getting the hairbrush and the strap. We’ll see if that will get through to you.”
Susan sat on the couch and said, “Come here, David.” David walked to stand on her right side, knowing the drill all too well. Susan looked somewhat irritated and asked, “And what do you say David?” David gulped and realized he should have asked for his punishment without prompting. It was another of the rules that Susan had implemented over time.
He quickly stammered, “Susan, I am so very sorry for ranting today. I know very well that I should have controlled myself. Would you please spank me, as long as hard as you think necessary, to help me learn to behave properly in the future?”
Susan answered simply, “Very well,” and tapped the brush against her leg. David quickly laid himself over her knee. Susan promptly repositioned him, wrapping one leg around him. And Susan immediately went to work, drowning his bare bottom in a veritable deluge of hard, stinging whacks. Lecturing him the whole time, she paddled his quickly reddening backside nonstop. As David had asked in the ritual request for his punishment, she did indeed spank him long and hard, administering perhaps two hundred cracks of the brush before finally finishing in a fierce volley that left David heaving and sobbing.
Still sniffling, try to regain his composure, Susan had led David to the corner. There Susan had ordered him to stand, hands at his side, and not to dare even think of rubbing his well blistered bottom.
His reprieve was short-lived, however, as Susan shortly returned with strap in hand. It was an old-fashioned razor strap, one that she had found rummaging in through an old chest in her parents’ attic. It was now kept well-oiled and ready for use. David had felt its bite a good dozen times before, but never immediately after a paddling. His bottom was still stinging and burning as Susan ordered him to assume the position.
David could barely stand the thought that he would be whipped again so soon after the very thorough paddling he had just received, but he did not hesitate, not daring to risk a switching also. So, he bent over the back of the spanking chair, grasping the seat firmly with both hands.
But Susan showed no sympathy. Again and again the strap sliced through the air and cut into David’s already well-spanked bottom. By the time the twentieth stroke landed on his scourged rear, David was almost incoherent with pain and sobbing vociferously. His bottom was a jumble of red, black, blue, and purple. Bruises and strap marks intermingled.
Susan paused there, briefly wondering if she had perhaps gone too far. But remembering the advice given to her online by another disciplinary wife — better to err on the side of severity if you really want to make your point, she told David, “There will be five more. I want you to remember with each one what this punishment is for. I expect you to take control of yourself. I do not expect to hear any more of your ranting, bitching, and whining ever again. If I have to spank you again for this, God help you. Do you understand?”
David managed, between sobs, to reply, “Yes ma’am, I understand.” And then Susan delivered her final five cracks of the strap, each one finding its way across the middle of his very well-spanked bottom. And when it was over, it was over. The debt was paid, penance was done. Susan helped David up and held him, gently rubbing his burning rear. David sobbed, both from pain and emotional release. “That’s ok,” she whispered, “it’s all done now. I’m sure you’ve learned you lesson well this time.”
EPILOGUE
After David had recovered somewhat, they had gone out to their favorite restaurant. And despite some not inconsiderable discomfort sitting, David found himself in quite a good mood. The food, drinks, and service were excellent as always at the small steak house. However, it was so much more than that.
He sipped on his drink, reflecting. He had just received perhaps the most severe spanking that Susan had ever given him. Yet, he was content and satisfied. The air was clear. There had been no arguments or anger. He had misbehaved and Susan had lovingly disciplined him for it. He had taken his punishment and all was forgiven. It was over and done with.
He glanced across the table at Susan with warmth in his heart and a twinkle in his eye, realizing how much he loved this woman. She was not just his wife, but his lover, best friend, and soul mate. She did so much for him, took such good care of him, made him laugh when no one else could. Yet she would not hesitate to turn him over her knee and blister his bare bottom until he cried like a well-spanked schoolboy, if she felt his behavior merited it. And suddenly he realized, just as Susan had predicted, he did love her even more.
***
Here are some thoughts on why, in my opinion, this story exemplifies some common themes in these relationships.
It reflects the reality of how many of these relationships begin.
Many of the DWC fiction stories began with a fed-up wife imposing the disciplinary relationship on a reluctant husband. Others reflected a fully-baked DWC relationship, in which the wife’s authority was already fully established.
Even More was one of the few stories depicting a husband finding the DWC website, or discovering a need to take an erotic spanking relationship in a discipline or FLR direction, followed by the embarrassing and painful aftermath of that discovery. While the DWC stories in which the wife imposed the relationship on a reluctant husband were very emotionally powerful to me, the scenario in which the husband requests the disciplinary was under-represented yet much more true-to-life.
In the story, David has a pre-existing interest in erotic spanking, but until he discovers the DWC, it’s just a garden-variety kink. The disciplinary aspect is something different. It’s darker. Deeper. More disturbing yet also has a morbid attraction that the purely erotic spankings don’t.
That final remark haunted him, touched something deep and dark far down in his soul . . .”
That is exactly how that quote from the DWC hit me. It was “haunting.”
The embarrassment, and vulnerability, are palpable.
The prospect of tears and a blistered bottom truly did scare the hell out of me. I couldn’t imagine experiencing such a thing, yet I couldn’t stop imagining it.
David discovers the DWC, becomes obsessed, feels compelled to bring it to his wife’s attention — and is embarrassed to his core the whole time. He presents a light-hearted front, but inside he’s a bundle of embarrassed nerves.
Even when a husband and wife have played with erotic spankings, there is something very different, something much more ego-threatening, about asking for real disciplinary spankings.
It’s not the difference in severity. It’s the prospect of a transformation in the very power structure of the relationship. David knows deep down inside that he’s suggesting something that, if made real, will result in his wife having a new level of control and authority over him, if only when it comes to discipline.
David learns important truths about himself, and the couple’s overall marital communications go from good to great.
We who are into these lifestyles know that it’s very rare that there is a “natural” disciplinary wife who imposes or even raises the issue. More often, it is the man who has these deep-seated desires. He brings it up, and the wife goes along with it as an accommodation. Or, maybe she’s into the kink but taking on the role of a real disciplinarian isn’t something she’s ever even considered. It’s probably also very often the case that the couple starts with erotic spanking, but it becomes something more.
David and Susan start experimenting with erotic spanking, switching at first but then she quickly gravitates to the top role.
David then discovers the DWC. He’s already feeling a little emasculated by taking the “bottom” role in their erotic spanking adventures. But, he feels a compulsion to bring it to her.
She embraces it immediately with an enthusiasm that goes beyond what I personally experienced when I first brought the DWC to Anne. She didn’t comment very much when I first told her about it, in bed, with the lights off, so she couldn’t see how flushed I was with embarrassment. She took a look at the website the next day and, while she did agree to try it, I did get the sense she thought the whole thing was kind of weird. And, although she started delivering very hard paddlings and strappings very soon after our initial session, it took a lot for her to start really getting into the superior role in the way Susan immediately takes to in the story.
“They laughed together, and with the ice broken, talked for hours about their desires, and the details of their arrangement. David was able to confess his most secret fantasies, and Susan was able to admit that their spanking play had sparked something she didn’t know was in her, a passion for disciplinary dominance.”
“Be careful what you wish for. You might get it.”
David works up the courage to ask for what he thinks he wants. He gets it. For his relationship, it’s great. For his butt? Not so much.
The first spanking sucks, and it gets worse from there. Yet, no matter how bad they are in the moment, he knows he won’t give them up.
“But he would not end it and they both knew it. Despite his genuine dread of the excruciatingly painful paddlings he received bare bottom over Susan’s knee, he did not really want to give them up.”
That’s been my experience. I never, ever want real spankings, but I have a deep need for them.
That need is both emotional and practical. Something in David wants the dark, scary aspects of being subject to his wife’s authority. I feel his emotionally-rooted need.
For me, the need also exists in the practical sense. There are times, usually when I’ve gone through an unusually long stretch of uninterrupted good behavior, that I wonder if I’ve finally “outgrown” it.
Right around the time I have that thought, I inevitably crash right through the guardrails and end up over Anne’s knee. I hate it at the time but, the spanking ends just like the story — with me loving my wife even more.
Thanks for bearing with me and I hope you enjoy the Even More story if you haven’t read it before.
I hope you have a great week.
Loved the story, and the topic. I used to believe Aunt Kay's often quoted line about "the harder and more often you spank him, the more he will love you for it" was a bit over the top. However, I have come to accept the truth of it. Things are infinitely better for me, and my behavior is much improved, now that submitting to her authority has become part of everyday life. My butt seems to be permanently wrinkled, but I am not complaining. It is a small price to pay for the joy and love I experience from a woman who understands me, and who is strong enough to punish me when I need it, which seems to be quite often. My story was a bit like yours and Davids, as I would mainly fantasize about being spanked. It took years to realize how much deeper a relationship could be, submitting to a woman you trusted enough to give her the authority to spank you for any reason, at any time. Dan, like you, I often think I have done so well, I may have outgrown my need for it. Then inevitably, I do something that earns me a hard paddling. And I'll be so grateful to her for giving me the discipline I need.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Norton. To be clear, I actually wasn't like David with respect to fantasizing about spankings before real DD came along. Until my late '30s, I'd never given spanking a second thought. There was then a very brief period (maybe three months?), in which we played around with erotic spankings. That period interested me enough that I did some internet searching, which led to finding the DWC, and within four or five days of finding it, we gave it a try. There wasn't any period where I was fantasizing about spanking but not getting it.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteDan, in that case, you were a very lucky guy. I was fantasizing about spanking from my
ReplyDelete30s to my mid 50s before getting any real spankings. I didn't know about F/M DD until 15 years after that. My life would have been so much better if I had been with a woman who would have been supportive in that way, but the woman I was with didn't want a submissive man, and didn't really love me as was. She wanted the bad boy rebel, which I was most of my life, but I got tired of that role. It's a wonder I am still alive. Oh well - better late than never.
Norton, I find it interesting that you were “fantasizing about spanking from your 30’s to your mid 50’s before getting any real spankings.” What made you start to fantasize about it in your 30’s? I ask because I have fantasized about it since I was a kid. But strangely I didn’t have a desire for DD or FLR early in my marriage. Though the thought of being spanked turned me on, I think I would have found it demeaning to be spanked or otherwise dominated by my wife when we were in our 20’s and early 30’s. At the very least, I wanted to be equal to my wife, and she says that before FLR I was more of a male chauvinist than I thought. It was the Internet that introduced me to the ideas of FLR and adult DD after I had been married for about 10 years. (The DWC was one such site). That triggered a desire, maybe even a need, for FLR and DD which then fused with spanking fantasies going all the way back to childhood. So I am curious, when you started fantasizing about spanking in your 30’s, was that a totally new thing, or was it an activation of childhood fantasies? (Hope my curiosity isn’t too off topic).
DeleteGH
I’ve always thought this was a good story, well written and very close to the ‘ideal’ DD relationship that many of us envision. For me however, it is spoilt by the trivial nature of his first ‘crime’, leaving the toilet seat up. Do ladies really spank for such a silly habit? TB
ReplyDeleteLove the story too, but the disagree on thinking that the toilet seat violation was trivial. If they wrote it down in the contract just a few hours earlier…it clearly was an issue..
Delete3pops
I wouldn't say that element spoils it for me, but it's not my favorite aspect of it for sure. Though, we've also talked here a lot about sometimes it's easiest to start with "small" things when starting with DD.
DeleteThough, I'm one of those guys who sees the whole "you left the toilet seat up" issue as kind of ridiculous and have a hard time understanding why any woman is incapable of just putting the damn thing down herself. I also recently found a great meme about it that I'll try to remember to post next week. (Another thing I dislike about Blogger -- then inability to put a picture in a comment.)
I think that toilets are a key difference between men and women. They really care about them. My wife truly finds toilet seats left up as a cardinal sin... and absolutely unacceptable when committed by her husband. Picking things to punish for, leaving the toilet seat up would be near the top of the list for my wife - not something that I flirt with!
DeleteMy wife had several friends who claimed to have fallen into the toilet because the seat was up when they sat down. That would infuriate any woman. Not a small issue.
DeleteKOJ
I still don't really get it. We men sit down on toilets to and somehow manage to check whether the seat is down before we do so.
DeleteMark - yes, same here, not that I can ever imagine it happening. It’s been so ingrained in me for so many years that it would be out of the question. TG
DeleteWomen don't ever lift seats, so they expect them to be down. Men know that other men forget. My mama thought this was a spanking offense, and so did my wife. You'all need to get wit da program!
DeleteKOJ
Ingrained in me now too TG. In fact I have almost been spanked when a visitor left it up, and I do find myself putting it down if I'm in the bathroom for something else and a visiting male has left it up. Serious business!
DeleteSecretly though... I leave it up in the unisex toilet at work...
I have never been spanked for leaving the toilet seat up. My wife has never even complained about that. She has, however, spanked me for not cleaning the bathroom as regularly as she deems appropriate. However, I think I usually put the toilet seat down anyway, but not out of fear of punishment. I once read an article saying that you should always put the lid down when you flush a toilet because flushing puts micro particles of water into the air. I don’t know whether that’s true, but I put the seat and lid down whenever I flush, just in case.
DeleteGH
"Secretly though... I leave it up in the unisex toilet at work..."
DeleteHahaha! Gotta love those small acts of rebellion.
I know that sudden realization that the commitment is real because DD is treasured so much that I simply won't revoke my participation. In my case, I wasn't tested with unexpectedly severe spankings so much as the tedium of having to care about things I, deep down, simply did not want to start doing.
ReplyDeleteGreat observation, MW. For me, that's kind of the mark between pure DD and something more like an FLR -- that point when she starts making me do things that I don't want to do or don't want to do right then. It's happened on and off throughout our DD relationship, but the last couple of years it really picked up steam.
DeleteI certainly recognize some parallels to myself in the story. Like many on this blog, I discovered the DWC website twenty plus years ago, but as I remember, I never really spent any time in the fiction section, so I haven’t read this before. It does however get me thinking about one of my perennial conundrums. A real disciplinary spanking is a very painful experience and couldn’t be described as “fun” or “play.” Yet the emotional or physiological need for it far outweighs the unpleasantness of actually receiving it. Yes, I know, it lets us move on with the air cleared and so on, but I’ve never really been able to understand my own need for this which I know goes far beyond just wanting to clear the air and move on. My impression is that others may have a similar lack of self-understanding. This could almost be a discussion subject in itself, if you could find a coherent way to launch it. TG
ReplyDeleteTG, I agree it's a perplexing question. It's not all that easy to understand why we want this even when we don't know what we're in for, and even harder to understand it once we do. And, it's not just the men. My wife has told me that she thinks that one reason she went years without fully embracing it was she just couldn't understand why any man would want this and, therefore, she always had a nagging suspicion that at some point I would put an end to it.
DeleteWe've hit this "why" question a lot, whether as a formal topic or just as part over various conversations. But, I'm happy to give it a try again. I think one thing that makes it a little hard is that there are quite a few of our regular commenters who seem to admit that their spankings really aren't all that hard. So, for them your premise doesn't quite hold, because they aren't coming back over and despite something that is *very* unpleasant. But, maybe we can stitch a coherent topic together. I'm happy to take any suggestions on how to approach it.
TG said the emotional and psychological need for it ((a real disciplinary spanking) far outweighs the unpleasantness of actually recieving it. So true, and that describes a fundamental paradox about why we crave DD. Many of us have reported in this blog how we want our wives to be more strict and hold us accountable. Most of us probably prefer the spanking goes on well after we wish it would end. While I do receive maintenance spankings, a real disciplinary spanking will always have more of an emotional impact, especially if I am surprised by her ordering it. It demonstrates her authority and power in the relationship, and in that way, feels maternal, as I have absolutely no influence in it. Dan, you said many of the regular commentators admit their spankings aren't that hard, and my guess is that many of them wish the spankings were harder and longer. A coherent topic could be "are you one of those guys?" Have you requested more serious discipline from her? If so, how did it work out?
DeleteGood question. For me it’s not the severity but the frequency. I have many times requested that she discipline more frequently, and sometimes even for a specific thing that I think needs attention but which she chooses not to. When she does spank though, it’s plenty hard. TG
DeletePersonally, I am obsessed with the question “why?” That’s one of the reasons I am undergoing psychotherapy, to try to understand why I am the way I am. Dan, I am one of those guys who doesn’t get spanked as hard as the guy in the story, but I think the premise of the question is still relevant to me. If my wife began to spank me that severely, I would undoubtedly fear her more, but I am certain I would submit to it the way you other guys do. If she decided to shame me publicly by outing our DD or involving witnesses, I would be terribly embarrassed, but I am sure I would submit. There is something within me that gives my wife a power over me that isn’t entirely consensual. Thus, she could push DD and FLR farther if she wanted to. I’m not sure whether she understands that, though I have tried to articulate that. Or maybe she does understand but doesn’t go farther because she is doing things exactly the way she likes, however much I suggest that she could be stricter and harsher.
DeleteThe story is good, in the sense that it gives an account of DD that seems psychologically plausible. I think you said it was in the Fiction section at DWC. To me it reads like a real life story. But as spanking fiction it is almost too consensual for my taste. As harsh as the spanking is, it is clear to both the husband and wife that she is giving him something that he has asked for because he wants it. In my own fantasies, the wife uses her power to do what she wants, overriding any objections the husband might have.
GH
"But as spanking fiction it is almost too consensual for my taste." Although it is still my favorite story on the DWC website, as a general rule I do resonate more with stories where the wife simply imposes the DD lifestyle, or aspects of it. There is a series of non-fiction stories on it entitled "When Duty Calls" that we talked about here last year, involving a wife who goes off to a military deployment and has her mother take over discipline while she is gone. What I've always liked about the story is that the wife simply imposes the arrangement on her husband, knowing he won't like the spankings or the arrangement in general.
DeleteGH writes about being obsessed with the ‘why’ - I gave up on this a long time ago and just accept that it ‘is’ the way I am. I believe that most if not all people have some sort of so called ‘kink’. Some embrace it & put it to positive use ( as many on the site do). Others repress with often damaging consequences. Others are afflicted with socially unacceptable ‘kinks’. What we do is consensual and my ‘vanilla’ wife has accepted & embraced my spanking interest to positively impact our relationship.
DeleteHelping her to get there has been a process over c.15 years from a very conventional but good intimate relationship through to a relationship with DD boundaries & consequences. I get very painful strappings when I break our agreed rules. As like many of us I am very happy to be in a DD relationship but get no enjoyment from the punishments at the time.
Initially the ‘punishments’ were quite light but I found it easier to write a journal often containing feedback on severity, how I was feeling & suggestions. A typical ‘session’ will last between 3 - 6 minutes (she uses a large old fashioned egg timer!) so I’m guessing that could be over 200 strokes or more.
I still journal & my wife insists that I do as she says it gives her a much needed insight into me. TB
TB, I totally get giving up on trying to figure out why we have this kink. When I started to frequent spanking websites and chat rooms in the 90’s, I noticed that spankos fell into two groups: those obsessed with the why like me, and those who thought it was pointless to spend time on that question. I think some people are uninterested in the why because no definitive answer is possible. Others don’t like the idea of pathologizing a kink they enjoy by considering some childhood trauma as a possible explanation.
DeleteGH
TB, I wouldn't say I've given up the why question, but I don't obsess about it and I don't think answering it would have any real impact on me regardless of the answer. It's more of an academic interest. I don't know why it suddenly became "a thing" for me in my late 30s. I don't know why I continued to want/need it even after getting very hard punishment spankings. I'm also fascinated by the fact that we all come to this lifestyle from such different backgrounds, including some who were subject to strict discipline as kids and some who weren't. Some had strong, disciplinary mothers or fathers. Many didn't. Honestly, the sheer variety of our experiences and the lack of any strong correlation between a particular parental dynamic and an interest in DD has convinced me that I'm not going to find "the" reason, so why spend a lot of time thinking about it?
DeleteOur history and approaches seem to be very similar, though my wife moved from "too light" spankings to very hard ones very quickly. I too have used journal entries for a long time to give feedback (including encouraging greater strictness), and my wife has said she likes the journaling because it helps her get greater visibility into what is going on in my head. It also sounds like our sessions are very similar in length and severity.
My spankings aren't severe but they're delivered in a straightforward way that temporarily stamps out erotic feelings. That's enough to experience the "I want it before and after, not during" dynamic.
DeleteThank you, Dan, for your kind thoughts on "Even More", a story that I wrote in March of 2000 (damn near a quarter century ago) - and two years before I actually became a DWC husband. The story was largely based on my own fantasies, which were in turn fueled by the dozens of F/M stories that I had consumed on the old Usenet group alt.sex.spanking (note that the abbreviation is "ass" - leading to the group being affectionately known as "assville").
ReplyDeleteHowever, I had received two memorable spankings in my life prior to writing the story that did give me some real life context - an otk hairbrushing from my attractive aunt when I was 10 (in my underwear), and an otk barebottom paddling from a kinky older lady that I had a fling with when I was 19 (she was really more of a bottom, but decided I needed a demonstration - which gave me an idea of what a real adult spanking was like - but still far short of a real DWC spanking).
The story actually became somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy. A couple of years after writing the story (and years of fantasizing - especially so after the public Internet/Usenet came online and stories were readily available) - in a story that I've told a few times on this forum - my wife and I had the house to ourself one Friday evening, and over too much wine, swapped sexual fantasy stories - and I confessed to having a "mild curiosity" about being spanked (not wanting to seem too obsessed). Then - in one of the great surprises of my life, my wife promptly retrieved a ping pong paddle and did just that (probably 25 whacks, and not painful - just a little sting) - and then insisted on an encore the next morning before we were even out of bed - which was probably 50 whacks and some definite sting. Over breakfast, she told me later that she loved the feeling of power that she experienced during that first spanking - and suggested that regular spankings might be just the thing to "spice up our marriage". At this point, I introduced her to the DWC site - pointing out the "tips and methods" section especially, but also the "real life" stories, and specifically my own story "Even More" in the fiction section (without telling her that I wrote it, of course - until quite sometime later). She spent a good couple of hours on the DWC site that morning and later that day I received my first "real DWC spanking" and became a real life DWC husband - and have been ever since - countless spankings later.
And just a comment on using the "toilet seat prop" for Dave's first DWC spanking - I realized even when I wrote the story that "a spanking for leaving the toilet seat up" was somewhat cliche - having seen it used in many spanking stories. Nevertheless, I had a fascination with the idea - probably because I knew it was a "hot button" for my wife in real life, and when I saw the pic on the DWC site about that very thing ("you know what happens when you leave the seat up'" - which coincidentally Dan has featured on this week's blog) it fueled all kinds of fantasies about my wife doing the same thing. And, indeed, I did receive a number of spankings early on for that very offense. However, I soon got the message and now haven't left the seat up in many years.
--al
As often as you and I have exchanged thoughts on this stuff, including our personal histories, I never really got until now that you wrote Even More *before* you were actually in a DWC relationship. Kudos to you for having the imagination to nail a lot of what one is like even though you hadn't really experienced one yet.
DeleteThanks for the kind kudos - I will credit that "imaginative insight" to that otk hairbrushing that my Aunt gave me when I was 10. All these years later, I can still recall that spanking - she just kept spanking and spanking - despite my wails, pleas for mercy, and promises of good behavior. It seemed it would never end. I still believe there must have been 50 or so whacks - and that brush hurt so much.
DeleteMany years later, reading the spanking stories on the Net, I found it easy to imagine the harsh F/M spankings described in the story - as I thought back to the agony I experienced over my Aunt's lap. And when I wrote a couple of stories, borrowing from the stories I had read, I used that maternal spanking that my Aunt had so effectively administered as a basis for describing how a well spanked husband might feel - then made it even more so, assuming an adult spanking would be much longer and harder (an assumption proven true every time my wife has applied the paddle).
I will add - as I've stated here before - that I believe that spanking was very likely the basis of my fascination with maternal spankings, and ultimately becoming a spanked husband. At the time, all I knew was that I most definitely did not want to be put over my Aunt's lap ever again - and certainly stayed on my best behavior when staying at my Aunt's house - and absolutely did not sass her again (the immediate cause of that spanking).
However, a couple of years later, with the arrival of puberty, the fearful memory of that spanking morphed into an ongoing fantasy of her spanking me again. I even went so far as to intentionally, if playfully, sass her again during my middle and late teens. Obviously she knew that it would not be inappropriate to spank me at that point - but she would occasionally give me a smile and tell me that I was still not too big to spank (more fuel for the fantasies!).
I suspect that she might have had a bit of spanko in her and suspected that I had "fond memories" of that spanking. She did spank her son (close to my age - and one reason I was at their house often) with otk hairbrushings as well - bare bottom at that - until he was well into puberty. And I would not be surprised at all if she spanked her husband as well - as she was definitely the disciplinarian of the house. And, in retrospect, he was unusually respectful and deferential to her.
--al
Growing up, I had some pretty not aunts. I really did. I never got a spanking from any of them, and I never picked up a spanking vibe from any of them. But, back then I wasn't wired to think of spanking as anything other than something one would want to avoid. So, I don't think I would have picked up on it even if they had put out such a spanking vibe. I did have a grandmother who gave me at least one spanking, and my other grandmother was certainly capable of it. But, neither was even remotely attractive, so being spanked by them might have nipped any interest I had in the bud long before it blossomed in my late 30s.
DeleteRegarding severity, I'm sure when we first started, 50 would have seemed like it just went on and on. Now, I think Anne's average is probably somewhere between 200 and 300. I also have a very distinct memory of the first time the system we had in place early on, involving assigning a minimum number of swats per offense, added up to 65 with the frat paddle. I thought there was no way I could take that many but somehow did. Though, even today that many with a large paddle would still seem like a lot.
Hi Dev. I wanted to thank you for writing that wonderful essay titled "Why Women should consider a F/M spanking relationship" It was very thourough, and I read the entire essay to my lady friend. I appreciate your other writing, as well as JR's contributions describing your relationship. Personally, I don't think I could handle the belt spankings you give JR, or the "up to 65 with the frat paddle" that Dan sometimes gets. Those guys must have an extremely high pain tolerance. Each couple needs to find what works for them, and there is a huge amount of variety described on this site. Anyway, it's nice to see a woman contributing again. Hope you can visit more often.
DeleteDan wrote: >"Regarding severity<
DeleteYeah - now I can hardly imagine getting "only 50". In those early days when we were working things out, we agreed that 100 would be "the minimum" - in order to ensure that the spankings were truly effective. I never actually counted. She did in the beginning but has done it enough now that there is never a concern about being under a hundred. Most of mine are probably in the 150-200 range - occasionally over 200.
However, that 50 from my Aunt seemed to last an eternity - in part because the spankings that my Mom had given me when I was younger were only 10 or 12 strokes I would guess. I cried, screamed, begged, and promised so loudly from the very first strike, that she probably felt sorry for me - and she wasn't really a disciplinarian at heart anyway. She quit spanking me when I was 6 or 7 I would guess. Although - she always spanked with a switch - so even light strokes really did hurt like the dickens - which gave me some insight into the switching element in the story.
So, when my Aunt spanked me, I hadn't been spanked in at least 2 years - and never with a paddle/brush on my behind (my underwear was on but I do remember her pulling them into my crack to expose my butt). But - what was the most different is that - unlike my Mom - my wails, pleas, and promises were to absolutely no avail. She just kept on spanking - with those remarks like "I'm sure you are sorry now" and "Yes, I bet you will be good next time" - and kept on spanking. So, at the time, I most certainly felt like that I had been given a really bad spanking. :)
--al
I find it almost impossible to count swats/strikes during even an average spanking. I may start out counting in my head, but I almost never make it to the end.
DeleteI can imagine that it was quite the shock when your Aunt ignored your pleas and promises, after you'd gotten away with it with your mother. I'm pretty stoic during spankings. There are plenty of groans, and ouch! and other exclamations, but no real words let alone sentences. I've told Anne that I'd like to explore being more vocal, as I think me doing so and her showing no mercy would push me into a deeper surrender, and maybe closer to real tears.
Yeah, I get it - (as a grown man getting a long and hard DWC spanking) I'm not verbalizing either - other than some swear words uttered while my ass is being set on fire, but indeed lots of groans and exclamations, and sobs on occasion. She does scold me during many of my spankings and will occasionally ask me something like "and why are you being spanked?" - and perhaps pause a second as if waiting for a reply - but it is really a rhetorical question, because after just a second or so, she just keeps on paddling whether I answer or not. At best, I'm usually only able to mumble something that may not even be coherent. --al
DeleteFor most of our DD relationship, Anne didn't vocalize much during the spanking itself. But, that's changed a lot in the last couple of years. She now pauses fairly frequently to lecture and ask those rhetorical questions you reference.
DeleteAl, thank you for sharing the background on your story!
DeleteI can somewhat relate to the bit about the aunt. I was spanked by an older female relative around the same age. I had become self-conscious since the last time I got in serious trouble, so it was completely embarrassing. I did want to be spanked hard by a girl but NOT by a relative. Eventually she got me through it after what felt like an hour of pleading to punish another way. To this day there is zero maternal or aunt-like aspect to my spanking interest.
Hello Dan. Dev here ( JRs wife ). He showed me your page. What kind of questions do you have ? Dev
ReplyDeleteHi Dev. Thanks for joining! This week is probably a little harder than others to hit you with a specific question, given that I basically just posted a story from the old Disciplinary Wives Club and asked for reactions. If you have time to read it, I'd be curious about your general reactions to it and to the thoughts I had about it as described in the post.
DeleteOne specific one I'd lob out there that may apply more specifically to you is, the spankings in the story are pretty hard. I know from JR's descriptions of your woodshed sessions, yours can also be very severe. Did you gravitate fairly easily to being strict and to delivering very hard punishments, or was that a longer process? If you're willing to share, can you tell us more about how you became comfortable in your role doling out discipline and punishment and how you fell about it today?
And, we would of course love to have you join us whenever you have time. I've been trying to direct more of the weekly topic questions directly to any female readers, so far without much success drawing them in. But, always feel free to address the topics and questions from the perspective of the person on your end of the brush, paddle or strap.
Welcome, Dev! I saw mention of an essay you wrote: "Why Women should consider a F/M spanking relationship". Where might I find this essay? Is there a link? (Or di did I miss it on this blog?) Thanks! --al
Delete"Why Women should consider a F/M spanking relationship" . . .
Deletehttps://domesticdiscipline.info/why-women-should-consider-a-f-m-spanking-relationship/
Thank you! --al
DeleteExcellent article, Dev! As a husband whose wife has spanked him regularly for the last 20 years, my take is that you really nailed this lifestyle in your essay - both the many positive benefits, as well as the harsh realities. I would definitely recommend this article for any husbands and wives who are considering the disciplinary wife lifestyle. -al
DeleteAwesome site. Loving the writing and really loving the memes. Keep up the good work. I, myself am in a burgeoning FLR relationship with my current girlfriend. She's a mother and is receptive to my needs. We are both middle aged and divorced so it's not like I am all that attractive anymore, if I ever was. As I sit writing this note I'm due for a maintenance spanking that promises to be quite an experience. I also have a list of chores that will be inspected over the weekend with diabolical consequences. She knows this is about love and support and I only hope I can return the kindness with any sort of respectable effort. I'll be around so keep it coming.
ReplyDeleteHi Michael. Thanks! And thanks for joining in. I'm glad you found us. Get on those chores! We look forward to having your around here.
DeleteThis story on DWC was one of the first thing I had my wife read after discovering DWC and realizing that DD could help me be a better husband.
ReplyDeleteWard
Ward, I am honored that you found the story helpful. --al
DeleteAs I have related, I never had the spanking kink or the belief that I needed to be spanked. What I did have, but did not realize, was a deep-seated need for maternal authority -- to be held strictly accountable by an authoritative female. I had this with my mother, then did not in college, young adulthood, and the first decade or more of my marriage. I knew something was missing, but I didn't know what.
ReplyDeleteDD was triggered for us because our marriage was in bad shape. We argued almost constantly. I did not know how to disagree without getting loud, rude, and sarcastic. My wife was at her wits' end. One night, beyond exasperation, she asked me what my mother would have done if I had treated her so disrespectfully. I blurted out the truthful answer: "She would have tanned my bare ass with her hairbrush."
She said nothing. A week later I told her that if she wanted to employ Momma's techniques, I would not object. I git my first spanking in about a week.
That first conversation changed our marriage for the better immeasurably.
More to come!
KOJ
KOJ, like you, I also seem to have a need for a maternal authority, and want to be held strictly accountable. Unlike you, I did have the spanking kink, which I got from being spanked in elementary school, OTK, in front of the class. It was pretty late in life before I experienced a real adult spanking from a pro. It was later still before I realized I wanted to be held accountable and needed maternal authority. My parents ignored me when I was growing up, and so I had few boundaries, and became quite a rebel. Now I realize I need firm boundaries, as well as frequent spankings. My life is much better, and so is hers, because of my drastically reduced drinking. We have several check ins a week, which helps keep me on the straight and narrow. Another bennifit is that I have become much more honest. Dan, it might be interesting to find out if others become more honest after beginning a F/M DD relationship, as it would seem likely.
ReplyDeleteI will add this comment before the week comes to an end. I wrote the story, in large part, as a tribute to Aunt Kay and her Disciplinary Wive's Club. And I wrote the story before I actually received my first DWC spanking - and before Susan and I became official members of the DWC (back when it was an actual active club - with a private Yahoo Group, with members vetted personally by phone call with Aunt Kay). However, even before becoming a "real life" spanked husband, I found her site to be so incredibly helpful in coming to understand the fantasies that I had entertained for years. The story was primarily a tribute to the education I received on her website.
ReplyDeleteMention was made earlier of stories based on the wife imposing corporal discipline upon the husband (on threat of divorce, no more sex, etc) - and how intriguing they can be. I will just add that I completely agree (I did write a story based on that approach as well all those years ago) - even though this story - "Even More" - does not employ that motif
The "involuntary discipline" is indeed a very hot scenario - and I wonder if that may be because of just how unlikely that it is to actually happen in real life. As we know, it is the husband who almost always asks for a DWC lifestyle - or at least mentions it. Some wives agree to try it with hesitation (although most of those who do soon become quite enthusiastic about spanking their husbands) - others like the idea from the very start (my wife was in this camp) - and, of course, some will reject the idea outright.
I have seen some men on the forums over the years claim that their wives initiated the DWC lifestyle - but in all those cases, I suspected that the claims were just fantasy. However, there was one couple in the DWC - from Australia, iirc - that Aunt Kay had personally vetted, where the wife was the initiator of the lifestyle and the one who posted. The husband did not like the idea of a DWC marriage but the wife was insistent that it was the only way she could see to make things work - and he acquiesced and absolutely hated the spankings.
--al
I agree that the wife imposing the DD lifestyle does happen, even if it's rare. Though, it seems to be the case that even in those rare cases, there is some pre-existing indication that the husband might be into it, such that it's kind of imposed but kind of something she has reason to suspect won't be fought. I have a friend I made through this blog who is the "top" in a DD-FLR relationship. Hers officially began when she got very pissed off about some unhelpful contact between her husband and his ex-wife. She blew her top over it and started imposing limits and rules regarding his texts with the ex, and also started giving him disciplinary spankings. But, she has told me that they had explored some D/s stuff, so she had reason to suspect that he was going to be into it. There also was a woman named Holly who used to comment here. Her comments had a couple of red flags: (1) she said that her mother was the disciplinarian in her house, had regularly spanked her father, and had pushed her to spank her immature husband; and (2) she resisted her mother's advice but finally took the strap to her husband after called her a bitch. Despite those (growing up in F/m DD family, and the wife imposing the DD relationship upon mother/mother-in-laws advice) being common elements of a lot of DD fantasies, her comments had the ring of truth to me. I really don't have any doubt that she was on the up and up. She did clarify at one point that, while she did impose the DD relationship on her husband, she did have reason to suspect that he kind of wanted it. She had told him that her mother spanked her father, and she said it was clear that he got turned on by it.
DeleteEven Kay and Jerry's start was kind of mixed. I don't want to go into details of what he's told me, but the short form is that he had a pre-existing spanking interest that she explored with him. But, it was erotic at first. Then, he was planning to do something that she saw as very irresponsible and reckless. She told him not but he kept arguing. So, she gave him his first "real" spanking on the spot and, from that moment forward, he got real DD spankings regularly.
Though DD is requested by the husband in the vast majority of cases, I think many more men would be amenable to it if their wives imposed it. I think the man would have to have a latent desire for it, but I believe that latent desire may be fairly common. I have read that a fairly large percentage of men have fantasized about submitting to women, but many keep it secret because it goes against our culturally ingrained notions of masculinity and gender roles. For some of us, the “need” for DD eventually becomes so powerful, often after years of vanilla marriage, that we overcome our inhibition and ask our wives for it. I would bet that there are many marriages in which the husband doesn’t overcome that inhibition or may not even be fully conscious of his latent desire. Consequently, many wives could probably impose DD, and maybe full blown FLR, on their husbands if they had a deeper understanding of the male psyche. That was Aunt Kay’s message to women, wasn’t it? When I was first married, I had too much male pride to believe that my wife would eventually become the boss and would discipline me. But if she had decided to impose FLR and DD at an earlier point in our marriage, before I was aware that I wanted that, I am sure she would have been able to. The forces in my psyche that eventually led me to request DD must have already been there.
DeleteGH
GH wrote:” Though DD is requested by the husband in the vast majority of cases, I think many more men would be amenable to it if their wives imposed it. …many wives could probably impose DD, and maybe full blown FLR, on their husbands if they had a deeper understanding of the male psyche.”
DeleteThis is likely true, especially in committed, mature relationships where many women do seek ways to manage a husband’s behavior. But until recently (and the internet), that requisite knowledge of the male psyche was not readily available. Today, of course, it is -and there is reason to think that newer generations, particularly women (Think Gen Z and late millennials), are much more comfortable with female power as well as human sexuality.
Combine that with the apparently common latent male desire for female authority in relationships – and the stage is set for many more DD or FLR relationships going forward. To be clear, I am not suggesting that more women will unilaterally impose DD. I believe imposing DD is very rare. But once it becomes more widely understood that many males would welcome it, such relationships will increase.
Alan
"Today, of course, it is -and there is reason to think that newer generations, particularly women (Think Gen Z and late millennials), are much more comfortable with female power as well as human sexuality."
DeleteThat's true, though I wonder who has changed more, the women or the men with respect to comfort with female power? I think we have a society where both men and women are fairly uncomfortable with exercising power over others. But. some segment of men has become more comfortable with not being in control. I'm not sure there's been a big flip such that more men now want a woman in charge, but maybe with some men a little more comfortable not being in charge, and more women being at least open to exploring their own power, the distance between the two positions in the typical hierarchy aren't as far apart as they used to be, such that it takes less movement to flip things to something less conventional.
Yes, when the stars are in alignment within a relationship (in the instant case, a male who has fantasized female control and a female increasingly open to it), the actual catalyst could be not much more than a long conversation or two, inspired by a good bottle of wine.
DeleteWhat is changing are the views and attitudes about male roles and behavior. While I think biology, especially in childbearing years, still matters, fewer women want John Wayne, with or without the horse. At the same time, men are more and more socialized to the reality of female power.
This suggests the distance between the apparently common male fantasy and the lived female experience is steadily shrinking. In practical terms, this could mean that men who desire DD are going to bring it up more often and earlier—and women who are confronted with it are going to be less likely to reject the idea.
“This suggests the distance between the apparently common male fantasy and the lived female experience is steadily shrinking. In practical terms, this could mean that men who desire DD are going to bring it up more often and earlier—and women who are confronted with it are going to be less likely to reject the idea.”
DeleteThat sounds plausible to me. I often wonder how my life would be different if I had been born a couple of generations later. Maybe I would have come to a realization that I wanted FLR before I got married. GH
When I discovered DWC many years ago, it resonated with me because Aunt Kay’s description of a”real disciplinary spanking” could have been taken directly from my fantasies. She lists 3 aspects:
ReplyDelete- on the bare bottom
- over the knee
- long and hard enough to produce tears
The spankings my wife gives only have the first aspect: my bottom is always bared. I wish she would do it OTK, and she knows I wish that, but she does it the way she likes, standing up while I am bent over—usually over the end of the bed with pillows under my hips. I suppose she finds OTK less practical because I am bigger than her. She spanks long and hard enough to make me feel relieved when she stops, but not enough to make me cry or to dread the pain of future spankings. Again, she knows I would like her to be more severe, but she does what she wants, and she must feel that it serves HER purposes.
I am jealous of you guys whose wives spank exactly the way Aunt Kay recommended…as in Al’s story. On the other hand, I guess it is appropriate in a FLR for my wife to do it her way. I suppose the OTK position was of symbolic importance to Aunt Kay because, in my mind, it infantalizes the man. I always had the impression that the DWC was philosophically female supremacist because of that. There is a sense that no matter how tough and “manly” a husband may be, he will never completely grow up, so a wife needs to take up take up the hairbrush, symbolizing motherhood. Though my wife doesn’t use the infantalizing OTK position, she makes up for it by scolding me like a naughty child before and during spankings. And she only spanks for disciplinary reasons, not for erotic purposes.
Not sure where I’m going with this. Rambling here.
GH
I discovered the DWC website while I was in my early twenties. I was spanked severely at home by a sometimes overbearing Mother who took zero sass. Just like Al’s story , my Mother didn’t stop when we started to cry. She would respond, now you’re going to learn a lesson. She would blister our bare bottoms. We always heard school paddling’s in the hallway and thinking back, there are probably many more like us who have this kink. I feel conflicted. I do feel bad for those who go through life hiding their needs. I also wondered what it would be like to be more vanilla. I’m also happy my wife meets my needs. She has no problem tanning my hide. We go in and out of DD as life gets in the way. My wife actually bought a large leather paddle off the net recently. This shocked me as it isn’t her style. When it arrived, she said we had to have a talk about my attitude. I hadn’t been punished since the end of October. She ordered me bare over the bed and whipped me good. She didn’t stop and I started to sweat and whimper. I wasn’t crying, but I was begging her to stop. She went on for a while longer and a thorough lesson was learned. She told me my attitude sucked lately and the discipline will increase. She placed the paddle in sight next to the bed as a reminder to toe the line moving forward. I hated the spanking but loved her for giving it to me. She commented a week later how much better my attitude had been. I told her it was because of the whipping. She laughed and said, don’t worry you’ll screw up again soon enough.
DeleteThanks, Anonymous. Would you please give yourself a name when leaving comments? It helps everyone keep track of who they are talking to and what they've said about their DD relationships.
Delete