The Club -- Meeting 467 -- Fantasies and Things That Should Remain Only That

“Without this playing with fantasy, no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable.” - Carl Jung

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.

 

I'm posting a little early this week, as I'm going to be tied up much of this weekend. I may start shooting for more Friday postings, as our comments seem to wind down earlier in the week, and I seem to have fewer things going on Fridays. While I think posting on the same day every week did help build up the blog, I find that in retirement I'm just not very into keeping an inflexible schedule on any front.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  There’s not much to report here.  It was a pretty sedate week, with no major drama.  Although, there was one thing vaguely FLR-related worth mentioning. It was a minor thing in and of itself, but it’s another indication that Anne may be in the early stages of a transformation similar to what KOJ has described in which his wife became far more open in her displays of authority after she retired.

 

 

We were visiting my parents.  Anne was telling some story, and I interrupted her with a somewhat snarky comment.  Without missing a beat and without even turning to acknowledge me, she said very firmly and directly, “Excuse me. I’m speaking,” then went on with her story. Again, it sounds minor, but her demeanor was totally in command, in a way that I’m not sure she would have displayed even a couple of years ago.  And, the fact that she was that comfortable with a confident display of authority in front of my parents, plus two of my sisters, also seems to me to speak volumes about her increasingly in-charge mindset.

 

 

We had a pretty good discussion last week, on what I thought was a very narrow topic.  It’s notable that several of you didn’t accept the underlying premise that DD could be a deal-killer in a future relationship, preferring to take the positive view that it probably would not prove that hard to find a woman who was interested in it or to persuade a partner to try it. And, as Al pointed out, it’s almost certainly a case of “nothing ventured, nothing gained”:

 

“It often seems to be a truism in the F/M DD/DWC community that it is usually quite difficult to convince a wife to take a disciplinary role. However, it is probably even more true that most men are so concerned about the possibility of rejection and looking foolish (weird, unmanly, sick) that they never bring it up (it took me a few years to do so, and even then it was while we were both drunk and swapping sexual fantasies - when I confessed to a "mild interest" in being spanked). This is certainly a very understandable concern, and yet, what I have often seen in spanking forums such as this over the years is that once a wife was approached, they were quite often willing to give it a try to some degree, and many quickly came to enjoy their role as a disciplinary wife.

 

There were different, and somewhat opposing perspectives on the best timing for approaching a future partner about your disciplinary needs.  Mike represented the view that it may take some time to develop the kind of relationship in which one would feel comfortable admitting to that kind of need:

 

I guess it always depends on the person I would be dating. If she had a strong “take charge” mentality and I sensed an authoritative vibe coming from her, maybe I might open up. But it took me 10 years of marriage and being in a very emotionally vulnerable place to finally open up to my wife about my spanking need. I don’t know if I would have that level of trust and vulnerability at the beginning of a relationship.

 

Alan took a different view regarding timing, and I really liked his spin on DD as a “deal-maker” rather than a “deal-breaker”:

 

DD is definitely not a deal breaker at the beginning of a serious relationship, but it can be a “deal maker” and has been for me in my two DD relationships. The depth and intimacy that DD offers make it impossible for other women to compete with a woman who adopts loving female-led discipline. In earlier relationships, I always found myself searching for something missing. What was missing, of course, was discipline and spanking. With it, I am emotionally fulfilled.

 

However, I think waiting is not the best strategy. One reason is simply it is unfair not to tell her of needs that are so deep that might later sabotage your relationship. But a better reason is that early in a relationship is the interval when she may be more open to exploring unfamiliar (to her) aspects of sexuality—and it is also the time she is going to be motivated to show that she wants to meet your needs. What I am suggesting probably actually happens rarely. But in today's world –with the increasing honesty about sexuality (especially for emerging generations), it could work.

 

There was also an unexpected diversion into the topic of pre-spanking erections.  Maybe I’ll do a full topic on that in the future, though we covered it pretty thoroughly in the comments.

 

As the week was winding down, I got this topic suggestion from Glenmore, along with two of his drawings:

 

 

Just another potential suggestion for your blog.  I have attached a couple of scenarios that are likely fantasies for many of us, but my question is how many of us would actually do this, and how would we react if this really happened?

 

·      Would it be worse if you did or didn't know the other men and women?

·      How would you feel about being spanked by the other women, and would you have a problem with your wife spanking the other men?

·      Do you like it but would prefer it just remained a fantasy?

 

Just a few thoughts and I'm sure you could add a few more.

 

Glen’s illustrations centered on multiple spankers and spankees coming together for a disciplinary session.  I’ll answer his questions on that specific scenario, but I’ll also broaden his question a bit to include: “Are there DD or FLR-related scenarios you fantasize about but probably would not actually do if given the opportunity?”

 

My answer to Glen’s specific questions are:

 

“Would it be worse if you did or didn't know the other men and women?” I don’t have a real opinion on which would be “worse.”  But, I do think whether I knew the other men might have a big impact on whether I would ever fantasize about, or be attracted to, such a scenario in the first place.

 

For me, “authenticity” is a big driver of my DD interest.  If there isn’t some element of real accountability/punishment in it, I don’t have much attraction to it.  If a session involved only men and women I didn’t know, I think it would feel like a game or party.  I wouldn’t say I have zero interest in ever attending a spanking party, but whatever level of interest I have is quite low.  So, while I think the scenario is very unlikely to ever happen, any fantasy I would have about it would probably be limited to it happening with someone I actually know.

 

“How would you feel about being spanked by the other women, and would you have a problem with your wife spanking the other men?”

 

Being spanked by another woman isn’t a huge fantasy for me, but I admit to being more than a little intrigued by stories Aunt Kay’s husband has shared about being sent to another woman for a session. There are also stories on the DWC website—like “Military Duty Calls” in which a female soldier going on deployment sends her husband to her mother for a spanking—that I am attracted to, as long as there is a strong, real disciplinary component.

 

As for whether I would have a problem with Anne spanking the other men in Glen’s joint scenario, the simple answer is no.  While it’s hard to know for sure, I honestly don’t think I would have any problem with Anne spanking any man in any real disciplinary scenario. I’m not sure whether I would want to see it happening, but I don’t think I would have any problem at all with her doing it.  In fact, although I think the chance of it happening is virtually nil, I would have tell her to go for it if the situation ever presented itself.

 

“Do you like it but would prefer it just remained a fantasy?” Glen’s specific scenario doesn’t really rise to the “fantasy” level for me. But, I could see it being something I would be open to exploring under the right scenario. I think it probably would have to be limited to one other couple. I would need to have some kind of personal connection to the other husband, though that could include someone I’ve known only electronically through this blog.  Even though I see other men naked in the gym almost daily, I suspect the full nudity would be at least as embarrassing as the spankings.  Would I do it if Anne ordered such a thing?  Undoubtedly yes.  Is it a scenario I would actively pursue in real life? Probably not.

 

As for my own question as to whether there are DD or FLR-related scenarios you fantasize about but probably would not actually do if given the opportunity?”

 

It may seem odd for someone who spends as much time writing about DD as I do, but I don’t have that many fantasies about it. And, I suspect the ones I do have are not the least bit appealing to most of you.

 

I’ve often commented on how envious I am of JR’s woodshed stories, and I do have a thing for both woodsheds and barns and would very much like to experience a real disciplinary spanking in one.  There’s nothing controversial or even all that interesting about that fantasy, of course. 

 

 

However, many of the stories I’ve read that include those elements involved male spankers. There are no shortage of stories out there about being taken to the woodshed by a father or uncle.  Although the woodshed/barn scenario is appealing to me by itself, the M/m aspect of many of those stories also appeals to something deep within me. 

 

In fact, the photo immediately above is one I came across a long time ago as part of a spanking story that involved a dominant male who was in a D/s sort of relationship with a couple.  The husband had done something the dominant male and the wife agreed should be punished, but the wife kept blowing off phone calls to schedule it. So, the dominant male interrupts a dinner party the couple was hosting and lets the husband know he will make a scene if he does not accompany him to a horse barn on the couple’s party.  Once there, he whips him to tears before letting him go back to the party. That story is one of the first in the spanking genre that I recall having a very strong reaction to.  A big part of my DD need is rooted in wanting to have my will overcome such that I am held to account even when I don't want to go along with it.

 

I’ve also recounted that, while I seldom dream about spanking, a particularly vivid one I did have involved being taken from a party at work to be spanked by a male office manager, with everyone in the party (including Anne, my mother and my dad) knowing it was going to happen. 

 

Are these M/m stories and dreams something I might fantasize about but would never do in real life?  I don’t know.  I think that much of my DD attraction is rooted in power dynamics and parental authority, including both maternal and paternal authority.  My morbid desire to have discipline imposed is less gender-specific than it probably is for most of you.  And, in the very unlikely event that Anne was to order such a thing, would I go along with it?  Almost certainly yes.

 

 

There is a sense in which Anne's recent assertiveness, and the "goal achievement" and procrastination check-ins we recently implemented, has been a long-term fantasy, and one I could come to regret.  Just like the M/m and woodshed spanking scenarios appeal to me because they involve being literally and psychologically taken to a place outside my "control zone," a lot of what Anne and I are exploring involves her increasingly setting the rules, enforcing them when and how she sees fit, and generally empowering her in ways that I may have less and less control over as she explores these more aggressive and assertive parts of her personality.

 

 

Most of my other DD-related fantasies are pretty pedestrian and involve being spanked in unconventional or risky places, like the backseat of a car or in the woods.  I definitely would go along with anything like that if Anne wanted to.

 

 

How about you? How do you feel about Glen’s scenario and his questions about it?  Is it something you are attracted to?  Is it an attraction you would be game to pursue in real life, or is it one of those things that is better as a fantasy? Are there other fantasies that fall into that category?

 

I hope you have a good week.