“I think on some level, you do your best things when you're a little off-balance, a little scared. You've got to work from mystery, from wonder, from not knowing.” - Willem Dafoe
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.
I hope you all had a great week. Mine was pretty sedate, which was actually very nice. Sometimes it’s great just having time at home without much to do.
As a preliminary matter, I wanted to specifically invite any Disciplinary Wives, or women who are interested in this topic even if they haven’t crossed the actual DD threshold yet, to join in on our conversation here. A few weeks ago, someone suggested that I make the questions less male-centered, and also less centered on people who are actually in the lifestyle versus those who may be very interested in it, but that interest is largely aspirational at this point. I will try to be more open in the way topics are described, though it is, in fact, kind of awkward structuring questions for women to answer when we have no women participating at the moment. It’s a real “chicken and the egg” problem. Anyway, there have been times in the blog’s history when we had several female commenters, and I hope that no female readers have felt excluded. You are, in fact, very welcome. (Though, if you’re a man pretending to be a woman, I promise you will be sniffed out at some point. It always happens. . . .)
I get the sense some of our regulars are distracted with the usual end-of-summer stuff, but we did have several people weigh in on the subject of “warnings.” It doesn’t seem like any clear pattern emerged. Some of the wives seem to be very into warnings and some go right to the spanking. Though, it does seem to be one of those “verbal strictness” things that so many of us seem to crave.
[Speaking of wives who are very verbal, Aunt Kay’s husband sent me this video recently. The wife’s continuing lecture throughout a six-minute spanking was quite impressive. It certainly would have kept my attention.]
Of all the comments, the one that resonated the most with me was this one from T:
My wife’s great line is “You’re cruising for a bruising.” That way it’s just us that knows what she means. Anytime we are around others, they think it’s a joke. We were at a dinner party and I said something that I perceived was funny. My wife did not find it funny and gave me that look. The next morning when we were leaving, she said in my ear, that when we get home, “I’m beating your ass but good.” She followed through and gave me a serious thrashing. I won’t be sitting comfortably for a few days. We are empty nesters now, so warnings are not necessary. It’s usually, go upstairs and bend over. I’m gonna thrash the hell out of that bottom. I usually just get the look or the line above. I love the maternal aspect and scolding while delivering the thrashing. She usually scolds how immature I am when delivering the spanking and that I need to grow up. I also knew I was in for it, as she was very quiet in the car ride home.
I love that “cruising for a bruising” line, because it is so literal when used on a disciplined husband, yet so seemingly innocent and innocuous when spoken in front of others. A few times over the years, I’ve also experienced things like her announcement that “I’m beating your ass but good.” It hasn’t been all that common, but it has happened, and that time between the pronouncement and when we get home, with my anticipation running at fever pitch, is unbelievably uncomfortable. I also totally get what T. means by, “I also knew I was in for it, as she was very quiet in the car ride home.”
This week’s topic is pretty closely related to warnings, to the point that I almost combined the two last week. Yet, it’s so damn hard to come up with new topics regularly, it’s really against my own self-interest to combine two.
So, this week’s topic comes from a suggestion Norton made a few weeks ago:
Dan, another topic for later might be "when do you know you are in for a spanking and does she always let you know immediately?" Many of you seem pretty clear about that, but I often get "the look" or a vague word of disapproval and wonder if I crossed the line. The need for clarity probably stems from a chaotic childhood where I never knew what to expect.
While somewhat similar to warnings, I think Norton’s suggestion is, in fact, a distinct topic. To me, a warning implies that, if it is heeded, punishment may be avoided. Norton’s topic, on the other hand, seems to entail situations in which she has already made the decision that a spanking is going to happen. It’s just a matter of when and how she lets you know about it.
Does Anne always let me know immediately that I am in for a spanking? No. But, it’s pretty seldom that there is a substantial delay or that it comes as a big surprise.
In fact, if anything, I’m surprised when I’ve done something that I think probably merits a spanking, but she doesn’t bring it up. That happens fairly regularly, and I’m never quite sure whether she didn’t think it was a big enough deal to merit a spanking or just got busy and forgot about it.
There have been a few times—very few—when she announced a spanking and I really had not seen it coming. Those tended to be things like failing to do some bit of housework repeatedly or for a long time and, at some point, she clearly lost patience or had simply had enough.
The fact that there have been so few surprises—and so many instances in which we both know one has been fully earned—probably is a testament to her innate fairness.
When uncertainty about whether I will be punished for something does creep in, it tends to be situations in which she has already pronounced a spanking but, because she’s not always consistent in carrying through, I have good reason to doubt whether it actually will happen. In that case, I may spend a day or more in the state of uncertainty Norton describes though, in my case, I know that a line was crossed; I’m just not sure whether there will be an actual consequence for that line-crossing.
In terms of how she communicates a spanking is coming, it’s often verbal. But, she also tends to text her unhappiness with something I’ve done, and the text usually includes a very direct statement that I will be spanked for it.
Back when I was working, after announcing that a punishment was going to happen that night, she often would do some kind of follow-up communication by text or telephone, teasing that she hoped I was enjoying sitting, because I wouldn’t be able to after I got home.
When I see pictures of an instrument displayed in such a way that it is clearly meant to send a message, it gets an immediate reaction. But, as I said, it’s not something Anne has actually done. It’s probably a holdover from when we had kids around. As I’ve related here a few times, these days she does leave a bath brush and heavy hairbrush on prominent display in our bathroom, but because they are always on display they don’t serve as a communication that a spanking is coming; more like an ongoing reminder of the disciplinary relationship itself.
How about you? For the disciplinarians, do you let him know immediately that he is in for a spanking, or do you sometimes sit on it for awhile then take him by surprise?
For the disciplined husbands, do you usually know immediately that you are in for one, and how is that communicated? Are you satisfied with the way the communications take place or, like Norton, would you crave more clarity? Has she ever taken you completely by surprise?
I hope you have a great week.
To get us going I'll contribute the dullest signs/warnings going. Firstly Mrs GL indicates she is in the mood by partaking of a few of her favourite beers and indicating to me she wishes to stay up late and use that time to watch her favourite detective series(s). Then just before bedtime she will confirm intent (previously I will know that some part of the weekend it will happen but specifically when not) and then the final indication is, after I am left alone in our room awaiting for about 20 minutes, is she gets into position (after her usual nighttime routine) and summons me with the words "come on then". Told you it was dull. Cheers GLM.
ReplyDeleteHow I'd like it is reflected in my present avi, spontaneous, anytime, treated like a 10yo LOL Cheers GLM.
DeleteThere's nothing wrong with predictability!
DeleteI love this! We wind ourselves up for a later night, too. Sometimes we both know and sometimes one of knows the other is going to say something.
DeleteThis is an interesting topic Dan, and I would agree that it is distinct from the discussion on warnings. In our marriage, it's safe to say that neither one of us is a natural communicator. We don't generally like conflict and would therefore tend to avoid being so direct with each other. As a result, disagreements can go a long time without being addressed and resolved. This created problems, especially in the early days of our relationship. The introduction of spanking has helped both of us resolve unexpressed conflict.
ReplyDeleteIt's a relief for us when Beth decides that a spanking is due. I can't remember a time when she has ever backtracked once she has made that decision, and there is no ambiguity on her part. Assuming we are alone, she always uses the word spanking to describe what's coming next. There are no euphemisms and it is very clear that it will be a full punishment spanking- not the swats that I've described in some other posts.
Part of being direct with me means that once a spanking is promised, it will be delivered without delay. This eliminates doubt about whether she will follow through and avoids our old practice of allowing problems to fester. I prefer it this way, as I hate having to wait and Beth (who is more of a procrastinator) has come around to this approach. This was after I had to say "Could we please do it now?" earlier in our relationship.
I've almost never come out and requested a spanking from my wife, even though there are times when I know it's needed. In the past, I've asked her if she was going to spank, which amounts to almost the same thing. That question rarely gets asked now, as her confidence has grown and I feel like we are on the same page. There are very few surprises between us now and our married life has benefited from that.
Kevin
"Assuming we are alone, she always uses the word spanking to describe what's coming next. There are no euphemisms and it is very clear that it will be a full punishment spanking- not the swats that I've described in some other posts."
DeleteAnne also almost always uses the word "spanking," though also sometimes uses the word "disciplining." When we first started, I probably used "discipline" or "punishment" more than spanking, but that's changed over time. I feel like it gets to the core point of what is going on.
This was after I had to say "Could we please do it now?" earlier in our relationship.
"I've almost never come out and requested a spanking from my wife, even though there are times when I know it's needed." Same here, athough some communications, including certain aspects of journaling, kind of amount to the same thing. I can think of maybe one or two times when I've come to her and asked something like "can we please do it now?" It really does take a lot of resolve and self-discipline to actively ask for a spanking, and when faced with the real propsect I usually chicken out. I'm actually wrestling with it this morning, because I know I should write a journal entry that would almost certainly get me spanked.
Beth has come a long way as a spanker. I mention her use of the "S" word because it used to embarrass her to the point that she would use other terms that sound less juvenile, like "smacking my butt". As her confidence grew, she became rather fond of the word.
DeleteKevin
I think I shied away from the word at first, for much the same reason -- it has a somewhat juvenile connotation. Today, I'm more comfortable with the plain fact that what we are doing does have a very hierarchical, maternal element, and the word that best seems to fit that dynamic is "spanking." The word "paddling" also resonates pretty strongly with me, probably because that's the term that tended to be used at school.
DeleteWe do mostly maintenance spankings here, which are scheduled. On the occasion a punishment spanking is needed (her determination), I get no advance warning or notice. Most times it is for something I don't realize and she comes with implement in hard telling me to bend over. Sometimes she tells me before the first strike what infraction I have committed other times not. On those occasions it is like... SWAT, I have told you SWAT many times not to do that SWAT haven't I SWAT.. Yes ma'am. SWAT and you did it again SWAT. Now maybe you will learn SWAT SWAT.. with many more... There are also times when I know I have done something and actually rat on myself. On those occasions, I go to her with implement in hand and confess.
ReplyDelete"Sometimes she tells me before the first strike what infraction I have committed other times not."
DeleteI've never even thought about the prospect of getting a serious spanking and not know at the outset why. I think I would find that really disturbing as it was happening, though it might be very role-enforcing in retrospect.
Upon occasion, Dev will text me “ we need to have a discussion later “ This only means one thing and the lecture and discussion begin when I’m over her knee. A couple times she was sitting in the “ spanking chair “ holding her paddle waiting. Seeing that coming up the stairs makes me weak in the knees. JR
ReplyDeleteI really hate those texts. I'm curious - you've talked in the past about how your woodshed is reserved for very serious punishments. Does she have any specific way of letting you know when one of those sessions is going to happen?
DeleteIt varies. If we’re going back and forth she will say “ do we need to discuss this out in the woodshed ?” That usually shuts me up. On serious matters she says “ WE’RE GOING OUT TO THE WOODSHED!” Now I’m doomed. It’s very infrequent. A few years ago she made that announcement and I pleaded/begged to stay in the house. There was no way out of it. I remember seeing our neighbor out doing yard work. I was terrified she would hear. I tried my best to remain quiet but it was impossible. She used a tire brush. Similar to a bath brush with a long handle only the diameter of the head is 8 inches round. Positively brutal ! There was serious bruising for several days. Sitting and moving was painful. The ONLY upside to this is that the problem instantly goes away.
DeleteI don't really know why your woodshed stories are so powerful for me--or woodshed stories in general--but I think it has something to do with this extra layer of anticipation and imposed control. I feel a bit of the same thing with Fred's recounting how he has to go find his wife and tell her he's ready for his spanking. With the woodshed, it's not really the setting itself. It's being taken out to it. The anticipation and inevitability of that walk out to that separate place.
DeleteOh yes. That LONG walk ! One time she took my hand holding her paddle in the other to lead the way. Thankfully nobody was around to see or hear.
DeleteYeah, your particular woodshed checks a lot of very iconic boxes. The woodshed itself, which does resonate with many people who are into this. Being sent or lead there. That anticipation. The increased severity involved in saving that place for only the hardest punishments. And, in your case, having neighbors close by who could easily overhear.
DeleteWhen she discovers something, like socks left in the family room, she will text me “Too bad someone left his socks downstairs!” Like others, she used to use euphemisms like “deal with it,” or “your treatment “ until recently.
ReplyDeleteThe other day, as we arrived home, she said, “Let’s get one of your spankings done! Go in and get ready. I’ll wait for you to come and get me. “ she has gotten very comfortable with the word spanking. It makes it more maternal and increases my anxiety until it’s over.
Once mine tells me to get ready, I usually have to wait some period of time for her to come to the bedroom, then she often putters around in the bathroom before getting started. While I don't like the wait, it probably would increase my nervousness if I had to come get her and tell her I'm ready.
DeleteI have to find her, tell her I’m ready, and ask her to please spank me!
DeleteThat is a very humbling ritual!
DeleteSo, tonight, unexpectedly but also 100% due to my own snarky mouth, she told me I'd be getting spanked sometime after dinner. As I was sitting in my office trying and failing not to think about it, I wondered what would be worse -- waiting for her like that, or having to go find her and tell her I was ready to get it over with. Not an easy decision!
DeleteOur situation has some similarities to Spanked Cowboy's. We have "scheduled maintenance" sessions every evening, meaning that I get a bit of maintenance spanking and then disciplinary spankings before sex. As a result, I know a spanking is coming, but I don't always know how much of it is disciplinary and how much is maintenance. My wife tends to note things down during the day using an app on her phone, so that she remembers come the evening. Before the spanking, she goes through the list and tells me what I will receive a punishment spanking for. When the spanking is complete, she (almost symbolically) deletes all the notes she has accumulated that day, indicating that it is the end of the matter. I suppose I can therefore sometimes know I am due a punishment spanking when I see her typing something on her phone at the same time as getting the sense that I have annoyed her!
ReplyDeleteI liked the meme about waking up to surprise sex. When this happens, she rolls me onto my front and gives me a brief spanking (there is normally something like a hairbrush by the bed for this purpose) before it happens. I suppose this is good because although it is not normal for infractions to accumulate overnight, it is a reminder not to take her for granted.
J
I found that meme several weeks ago and burst out laughing. I've been looking for some way to work into a post.
DeleteGlad you found a way!
DeleteJ
I think this fits in both with this week’s topic and also picks up the side theme from last week concerning whether some of us could go into a non-DD relationship after being DD. A couple of weeks ago I incurred a late fee. This wasn’t a credit card one, for some reason I hadn’t received the usual reminder that my annual car registration was due and I hadn’t spotted it myself. When I noticed it, the registration was three months out of date. I dealt with it immediately but there was a $50 late fee. We have a very clear rule on late fees, established twenty years ago. We have a piece of furniture that was originally developed for a more D/s lifestyle but now is there for serious DD. The spankee is spread-eagled and strapped down and the cane is used at a rate of one stroke per dollar. It’s been some years since this was used but clearly it was needed now. I reported this of course but there was really no reaction or clear intention to deal with it. Additionally, there have been a couple of mood-related occasions in the last year where I felt that I clearly deserved to be disciplined - OTK with the paddle or something of a similar level of severity, where she had ignored it. I found - rather to my surprise - that knowing I deserved something and not getting it was rather unnerving. I guess there are two elements to this: firstly, the spanking washes away the guilt but secondly, not knowing whether it’s coming or not is really unnerving in itself. This is where this ties in to last week’s side discussion. I kinda reached a break point. Instead of trying to have a conversation, I decided to get my thoughts down on paper and what it amounted to was: “We established the rules, I committed to accept real punishment when warranted but you also made the commitment to deliver that punishment. We either need to follow those rules (preferred) or leave DD behind (definitely not preferred). I need to know where I stand and know that if I deserve a real spanking, I’m going to get one.” Her response was that she understood where I was coming from. I took the 50 strokes yesterday - it was really rough but I was grateful to get it done and I’m certainly going to be watching those registration expiration dates in future and not just rely on the reminder postcards. I think I’m going to be wearing the stripes for quite a few days. Hopefully it will be a very long time before I deserve that again, but more to the point, hopefully she will be quicker to apply a less severe - but still necessarily painful - discipline when necessary. So, 1. I don’t know what I would have done if she had said she wanted to leave DD behind, I certainly wouldn’t have gone out and found professional help without her knowledge, but I can imagine I might have done so after telling her - glad it didn’t come to that. 2. Yes, I think this is necessary in my life. 3. To try and address this weeks topic, I know when I deserve to be spanked, hopefully that will align in future with when I’m actually spanked TG
ReplyDeleteAlthough it's been awhile, I've initiated a few conversations kind of like that. It tended to be earlier on, when I sometimes felt like even though we both agreed to try this, I was taking it was more seriously than she was. I don't think I ever took it as far as saying we should stop if she didn't agree to be more consistent, but I did make it clear that a one-sided commitment wasn't working.
DeleteI get what you mean about needing the sense that the guilt has been washed away. For me, it's also something to do with vulnerability. When, as a man, you ask your partner for this kind of lifestyle, you're really putting yourself out there, leaving your ego very exposed. For me, when the consistency really drops, it makes me feel like I committed to something very embarrassing and painful, but there doesn't seem to me much return commitment to justify leaving myself that vulnerable.
Anyway, I get why that situation was a big deal to you, and it sounds like the way you approached ultimately worked out.
Time will tell, but hopefully. Like - I think - you, we’re empty nesters, and I’ve found that one of the effects of aging is a gradual reduction in embarrassability - at least in certain situations. I’ve never had a problem being vulnerable to her, although I’m still pretty much alpha outside the home. You used the words consistency and commitment, I think those are the two keys that I need from her and it sounds like you’re somewhat on the same page. TG
DeleteConsistency is still an issue for us, though given how often I try to delay or avoid, we're both at fault. As for commitment, I do think in the early years, mine exceeded hers. I suspect that's the case in many DD relationships, since it's almost always the husband who initiates them. But, she's also told me that for a long time she just didn't get how any man could really want this. She said she kept thinking that at some point I would change my mind and, essentially, take back the power I'd turned over to her when I asked her for this kind of relationship. She thought the rug could be pulled out from under her, which led to a lack of commitment. I actually do think that these days her commitment is probably close to as great as mine, even if it isn't quite the compulsion that it is for me.
DeleteI agree with you regarding aging and embarrassability. I'm not sure whether it's a function of aging itself, or more about no longer having a career or job or work-related reputation to protect. As for empty-nesting, Anne was always more concerned about the kids knowing than I was. And, when they finally moved out, not a lot changed, so I do think my diminishing concern about others finding out is more about leaving the job than about the nest being empty. Anne has said that she experienced a sense of freedom about all this shortly after she retired. Not coincidentally, that's when she started doing things like spanking with the window shades open.
From my point of view, definitely a function of aging. You’ve mentioned the job aspect in the past but that’s not a consideration for me. I’ve worked remote for some years so the gradual change in attitude that I’ve felt has not been impacted by moving out of an office. Although I definitely like the additional freedom that comes from an empty nest. TG
DeleteFor us, it wasn't really the office environment that was limiting. For me, it was being a member of a profession that is both competitive and very prone to "dick waving," and also remarkably small in some ways. to an extent that I knew there would be some serious blowback if certain private activities were made known. It wasn't really conjecture. I had seen it happen to others. My wife was a member of about the only profession where "moral turpitude" is still a firing offense and gets interpreted in all sorts of ways. I think for her there was a pervasive low-grade fear of someone finding out.
DeleteThough, it's funny how things change. If you've ever watched the series Billions, it begins with a BDSM scene with a US Attorney in a very submissive position with this Domme psychologist wife, and he later comes out as being a BDSM submissive. Showtime and HBO don't always reflect real life, but they often drive changes in it.
Yes, I can understand that would add further pressures. I’ve seen bits of Billions occasionally as my wife watches it. She understands the language of the world of finance which is way outside my techie wheelhouse. We used to go to a couple of local groups and one of the prime movers had a side hustle guest-lecturing in a local, large university on aspects of psychology related to BDSM and so on. I remember her saying two things: firstly that one in three adults is involved in some aspects of BDSM / DD / spanking, and secondly that she once delivered the lecture knowing that at least one of the kids in the room’s parents were members of one of her groups. So I don’t know if these TV series are driving or reflecting, but I’m sure that behind closed doors, interest in these various lifestyle choices is much more widespread than most people would believe. TG
DeleteYeah, I have tried to condition myself not to draw conclusions about others' sex lives based on my everyday impressions of them. I'm sure few of our friends would suspect anything like our DD relationship.
DeleteDan,
DeleteI note what you said about dick-waving with some interest. As far as you are aware, drawing on all the people you know involved with DD, do you think men with a propensity towards dick-waving have an increased likelihood of entering F/M DD setups? I am used to that sort of person, being in the armed forces and I couldn't truthfully say I am free of such tendencies myself! My now-deceased military colleague in an F/M DD marriage was a quintessential dick-waving personality. When I first realised what was going on (i.e. he was in an F/M DD setup), he was a little bit sheepish with me, but once he was confident I would not be disclosing his situation to other colleagues, he returned to his normal self. In fact, he became prone to telling what I believe were a few tall stories regarding things he was able to take from his wife without wincing.
Probably F/M is attractive to dick-waving men when they know they need some more guardrails? What do you think?
J
J, I honestly don't know. The problem with "drawing on all the people you know involved with DD," is that I "know" most of those people only through electronic communications, often only through this blog and maybe email. It's hard to get a real sense of someone without engaging with them face-to-face. I suspect that people who have those personalities, or who just find themselves in "dick-waving" culture are prone to excess and maybe anxiety, because of those cultures they gravitated to or find themselves in. For that reason, they may need more guardrails. But, being self-aware enough to know they need guardrails may be a very different thing. That is pretty funny that as soon as your buddy knew you could be trusted, he started using DD experiences to get bragging rights.
DeleteI suppose it will be a good situation when it confers bragging rights, because it will result in more men giving this lifestyle some serious consideration, as well as ensuring that they are less likely to resist and inspiring them to go for the more painful options, rather than the easy ones. Do you think you might feel tempted to start bragging if you found yourself in a situation where F/M DD was normal?
DeleteJ
Honestly, no. One of the reasons I'm attracted to DD is that I already have plenty of ego and arrogance issues, and I seek out DD to help rein me in where those things are concerned. Turning it into bragging rights would be counterproductive for me.
DeleteAnother group of men I could foresee bragging about being on the receiving end of F/M DD are what I call the "self-help gurus", the sort of people who brag about how they get up at 3AM each morning, do the ice bucket challenge every day or whatever. They would probably talk down to married men not in F/M DD situations and chastise them for taking the easy route, rather than the no-pain-no-gain route to character improvement. But I don't foresee that happening before F/M DD becomes more common.
DeleteJ
There was definitely a strong aspect of that in the NXIVM self-improvement group I've posted about here before. There were things about their program--particularly the emphasis on consequences and coming up with sufficient leverage to break bad habits, follow through on commitments, etc.--that I admit I found appealing. But, then in typical guru fashion, all the control-freakery was revealed at trial.
DeleteI suppose I was picturing something more autonomous, i.e. people taking charge of their own development, rather than an overarching organisation from above like NXIVM. In other words, a "self-help guru" would be independently and relentlessly seeking to develop his character, whatever it took, and would therefore have an F/M DD setup in his marriage completely on his own initiative (along with the 3AM starts and the daily ice bucket challenges). Do you foresee F/M DD appealing to many people like this?
DeleteAs I understand things, NXIVM wasn't about atomic individuals, but an abusive power structure, meaning all the things we later found out about started developing.
J
"Do you foresee F/M DD appealing to many people like this?"
DeleteI'm not sure it really works that way. I'm not sure how much conscious action goes into anyone's decisions to pursue this lifestyle. You could have two people who are wired very similarly toward achievement and self--improvement and, if exposed to F/m DD, one of them might be all over it and the other might have no interest or even be repelled by it.
I think the NXIVM story is very complicated. At the top, there certainly was a guy who was all about his own power, and there were several women around him in a splinter group that were into serving him while maximizing their own power. At the base of the organization and quite a ways up, however, there seem to have been a lot of people who were genuinely trying to empower and improve themselves and others. At the end of the day, the lines between a club, a religion, a cult, etc. can be pretty damn indistinct.
Dan,
ReplyDeleteMy wife loves the word “thrashing”.
She will say, go get ready for your thrashing. I’m like TG, I need that guilt wiped away. We have talked about my ability to not ask for a spanking. I still can’t bring myself to ask for one when I need it. Although, my wife has been much better at delivering a thrashing when needed. I felt very beet red in the face when she said I was getting a beating when we got home. No one overheard us, but I felt like a child getting scolded. My response was but why? She said for your immature comment last night and you won’t be sitting properly at work the next day. Her face and silence in the car ride home were priceless. The thrashing was severe for her and drove the point home. Hopefully, her consistency will continue to improve. I definitely was quite sore at work the next day. I do wish more Women would comment here. My wife would not due to her privacy issues, but for some of the
Men who have been in full FLR here, it would be great to hear a female’s perspectives on discipline.
T
It's been a while now since I had that sensation of sitting on a sore butt at work, but I definitely remember it. It was almost embarrassing in and of itself, like part of my ego was worried that people could somehow tell.
DeleteThe words 'You need a reset' usually precede a discipline session in our house. Or she will often tell me not to leave the bedroom in the morning as she feels that 'we need a chat'. Incidentally she has a strong preference for discipline first thing in the morning as she does not like to do it when she is angry and she says it sets her up for a day (at least) of feeling in control. We usually get busy during the day and even if a session has been pronounced or is due it will only rarely happen later in the day. The preference of hers has almost completely cured me on a tendency to be a bit moody in the morning as I could easily tip her into discipline mode!!! TB
ReplyDeleteThe range of preferences in these relationships is so interesting. Your views on how DD in the morning leads to a better day overall and more consistency make perfect sense. Yet, we almost never do it then.
DeleteI've had a couple of memorable spankings in the morning. Both times, I had overindulged the night before and said and done some regrettable things. My wife, who barely drinks, was wise enough to wait until I had a clear head before dealing with my behavior. I remember her asking if I was feeling better, followed by "Good. Then you're ready for your spanking."
DeleteKevin
I have very rarely imposed any qualifier on our "any time, any place, any reason" rule, but I've always insisted that spankings while either of us have been drinking are 100% off limits. It caused one semi-serious disagreement one time, when she wanted to give one after she'd had a few drinks but I refused. IMO, there's just too much risk of injury involved.
DeleteWhen she plans the spanking, but not in that moment, she likes to say that we need to go to the basement later because she needs to show me something...
ReplyDeleteAll of ours used to occur in the basement, but once we became empty nesters, things switched to the bedroom
DeleteWe don't do it anymore , but when we first started DD I had to give her a long foot massage before a spanking.
ReplyDeleteShe lay back on the sofa while I sat on the end massaging while she told me why I was getting spanked.
There were times when she would demand a foot massage after a spanking but I would be kneeling at her feet and she had a nice view of my red butt and her handiwork.
These days she is more businesslike and gets right down to it
Not sure which I prefer.
I'm not sure which I'd hate more, the foot massage or the spanking.
DeleteHow about both for me !
DeleteHaving to give her a foot message before a spanking certainly placed me in a submissive mood.
It's uncanny how often issues brought up in this blog resonate with our DD. There were several incidents this week where it was unclear if I was going to get a spanking, and if I did, how severe it would be. One minor transgression was leaving the toilet seat up, which she told me the next day, she was going to give me a pass on that one. Also, when she directly asked if there were any other transgressions, I told her I went over my beer limit. She simply replied "Tsk tsk". I would rather her tell me I was definitely in for a spanking, but I don't want to sound demanding. She usually follows through, and she did give me a spanking the next day. Almost all our spankings are done in the morning, when we both have energy. Getting a spanking in the morning is a wonderful way to start the day. Sometimes, they lead to sex, which also is more likely to happen int the morning. The weekly maintenance spankings are slow, hard, and delivered in a very deliberate manner for 5 minutes. I always feel more relaxed after, and the whole intimate ritual is something I look forward to. What we practice is the opposite of a spanking like the one Dan has a link to in this post. In that one, it didn't seem like anybody was acting. The wife is really angry with her husband, and he did seem to act like a sneaky brat. Glad I am not in a relationship like that.
ReplyDeleteOne has to suspect acting was involved in that clip simply by virtue of the fact they filmed it, yet it doesn't come off that way. She really does seem pissed off, and he really does seem to be continuously trying to justify himself.
DeleteI have seen a couple of tapes from this couple before. It could, of course, be role-playing by an especially talented pair of amateurs. But I think not.
DeleteWhat we see here instead is a couple in some sort of DD relationship involving spanking who have set up taping equipment in advance of offensive behavior, agreeing to film the real thing when it comes along. This scene and two or three f others produced by them resonate too deeply with my experiences to not be genuine.
One other point, for those who have not recorded discipline, is the surreal effect that is produced by watching yourself get a real spanking. My wife has no interest in recording, but my former girlfriend was interested in it, and we did a few pretty crude tapes.
Crude they were, but watching her in action and my response (both verbal and physical) was like the equivalent of having an out-of-body experience. I became the “third person” in the room, seeing it as if I was watching someone else get spanked rather than me. I suspect that the “ third person” effect wears off if a couple does a lot of taping, but I don’t know for sure.
I have talked to my wife about using the very advanced taping systems today and making me watch it either as discipline or an incentive to behave. I think perhaps watching a preventative spanking from last season perhaps might obviate the need for a repeat. But she has shown no interest.
Alan
Those are really interesting comments about filming a session, Alan. I've thought recently about asking Anne to do that. Several years ago, she would have been very resistant to it, as she was even more paranoid than I was about something like that leaking. But, I'm not sure she would feel that way now, and I do think it would be very mind-opening to see how I really react versus how I think I react. I also would like to see the look on her face, her body movement, etc.
DeleteI used a Go-Pro to record a session some years ago as I was curious about what it looked like from a third person perspective. I did it without permission (which I would not have received!) and I agree with Alan that it is fascinating to watch & listen to after. I have never done it since as we have moved and I can find nowhere to hide the camera but I must admit that I am keen to do a repeat. I have often wondered how that session would have gone had she noticed the Go-Pro recording… I still get a twinge of guilt & nerves when I recall setting it up to record!!! TB
DeleteAt one point, Anne got testy with me when she saw I had set the stopwatch on my iPhone near the beginning of a spanking. I did it because I wanted some actual data on how long one usually takes, since my ability to estimate it is really bad when over her knee. If she reacted badly to that, I can only imagine how she would have felt about a hidden camera! That said, I don't know that she would be that against it today, and I suspect she actually wouldn't.
DeleteThe look on her face intrigues me also , but getting to see it on video would be unlikely for us too, although a friend of ours gave usvonebof those 'spy' cameras they had used at their Mother's retirement home and I have been tempted to use it.
DeleteDepending where I could place it , it may not capture her face but it could record the sounds.
However , if she happened to spot it there would be hell to pay I suspect !
Re filming a session: It might be interesting if Dan selected a spanking video like the one noted in the introduction (i.e., plausibly real) -and then offered commentators a chance to comment on how much it resembled their typical spanking, in what way, how it did, how it didn’t, etc.
ReplyDeleteAlternately, a series of similarly plausible spankings could be linked, and commentators invited to choose their favorite or most typical one or the one coming closer to their typical experience and why and how.
In this way, folks might learn a lot both about what is “normal” for others and what is ideal. What made me think about this is that talking some this week about the spanking Tomy cited made me realize I don’t really have a good sense of what others experience, and I have some pretty strong ideas as to what constitutes a “ real and effective” spanking for me. We all could learn from that.
Alan
Alan, it's an interesting idea, though I think it probably would require people to send me representative clips. My own collection is pretty skimpy, and I honestly don't spend a lot of time looking at spanking videos, because so few of them DO seem plausible. I have a few to draw from, but not many.
DeleteWhy not issue a general call for examples of plausibly real F/M discipline from commentators. For me, probably more than 98 percent of published material is either hopelessly clueless or professionally acted and produced. But some versions of the real thing do exist. Using them to analyze, critique, contrast, or even compare real experiences among your commentators would be invaluable in bringing out the intricacies of TTWD.
DeleteAlan
I agree with Alan. I think a "general call" for members to submit examples of CP videos members believe are either (1) instructive, or (2) representative (of their own experiences) could be productive.
DeleteI do, however, think there is a third category (between "clueless" and "acted") that should be considered. There are some very good videos of couples (who appear to have a relationship) who are NOT "acting out" DD scenarios, but rather demonstrating very serious CP employing "exemplary techniques" by the women with various implements. Women who actually know how to stand, position feet, bend knees/waist, "wind-up", follow-through, brake/arrest the forward hand/arm movement at the correct part of the swing for maximum energy transfer, etc. fpr each type of implement. (So many current videos are obviously using "theatrical" (e.g., "hollow canes") or simply engaged in some form of "patty cake."
Of course, such videos, demonstrations of "maximum implementation," may be a prime example of "be careful what you wish for." A husband could be well-advised to be cautious before sharing some of these with a DD-wife!
A curated site for realistic, non-ridiculous discipline videos could be useful. I'm sure there's a couple's video out there that represents us well, but I will never wade through to find it.
Delete