Hello all. I hope you had a good week.
Well, the good news is, I've more or less recovered from Covid. This variant hammered me hard initially but then tapered off pretty quickly.
The bad new is that around time I was feeling close to normal, I got blindsided by a family issue that is going to keep me distracted, and probably off-line, for much of next week.
But, feel free to discuss anything DD-related among yourselves, whether it's questions you may have or recent personal experiences you'd like to relate. I'll jump in if/when I'm available. Sorry for the lack of consistency with posting, but sometimes "real life" happens.
Have a good week.
I have discussed starting this lifestyle with my wife, but she made clear that once we start there is no going back and that she would be strict with the discipline. She made it clear that this is non-negotiable. I am torn as to what to do.
ReplyDeleteMay I ask? Why torn? From my perspective that is exactly the response you should be hoping for. Far better to have your wife embrace the change with the "no going back" approach than to have the lingering doubt in the back of your mind they are just indulging you (trust me on this, that doubt eats at you). Others milage on this question may differ. Good luck making a decision. Cheers GLM.
DeleteI agree with GLM, though to me the most rational starting point is she gives you what you say you want *once*, and you get to decide based on that experience whether you want to move forward.
DeleteTo a big extent, for most F/m dynamics, the "no going back" is kind of an empty threat, since he can always just refuse. But, it's also totally legitimate for a wife to be concerned--and to refuse to participate--in a dynamic in which the man asserts he wants this lifestyle but then attempts to renege whenever it becomes real. Several years ago there was a participant on here who was constantly pestering his wife to take the reins, then every time she did he would retreat because it hurt too much. At that time, we had multiple female commenters, and I admit I was a little surprised at how much the excoriated him for whipsawing his wife like that, but now I definitely get it.
I think Dan makes a good suggestion with the idea to ask her to let you "try it once" to see if you can actually tolerate a real disciplinary spanking (a few dozen whacks with a bath brush on your bare ass). The reality of a true disciplinary spanking is far different than the fantasy. The idea of a disciplinary spanking can be a really hot idea before a spanking - and even after a spanking, but usually not so much during the spanking.
DeleteYou might also consider hiring a professional to demonstrate a real disciplinary spanking to help you determine if you can tolerate an actual spanking - in the event you are hesitant to ask your wife for a "demonstration".
But, she does indeed have the right attitude for a disciplinary wife! --al
I think you need to talk more. How does she envision "no going back"? What would a typical punishment be like? Is she envisioning domestic discipline (DD) or a full female-led relationship (FLR)? What would she take control of? Just your behavior toward her? Or chores, finances, orgasms, etc.
DeleteIn addition, evrryone is entitled to "hard limits," the things that cannot occur in your DD. In our marriage, for instance, punishment was only on the bottom and upper thighs. No face-slapping, whipping the back, down the legs, etc.
If you and your wife are not ready to have this frank conversation, then you are likely not ready for DD.
KOJ
Maybe I'm too much of a skeptic, but I find it very hard to believe that any woman would make that kind of threat. That story smells more like a fantasy scenario, not real life. My wife made one threat I absolutely believe. She said that if I want to quit, we will stop, but she will never start again at another time. Fair and scary enough to make me think more than twice when I get cranky about being spanked.
DeleteI think that what we see from comments in other discussions on this blog is that the DD FLR often is initiated and largely driven by us, the guys. So it seems pretty clear that for those of us in these relationships, this is something we need / want / crave, although not always for the same reasons. It might be a desire to give power, to assuage guilt over something, to improve one’s behavior or whatever. You apparently have a choice to make and little if any opportunity to change your mind afterwards. I think you have to make the decision from your own point of view - is this something you need or not ? Then base your decision on that. Hope this helps. TG
ReplyDeleteWhy did you broach the subject? If it was mere curiosity, run away, and save yourself from hot, bruised bottoms. If you sensed your own need for discipline and accountability, then make a date with her. When she arrives present her with a couple of instruments, pull down your pants and underwear, and say, “would you please spank me. “ Then take whatever she dishes out and thank her.
ReplyDeleteDears, I would like to ask you about including chastity play into the scope of discipline tools. We have started it in very small scale, few times a year for 1-2 days. However, now she has become more confident and can really push my limits keping me for even a month. I must say it really keeps me in very submissive state of mind. However, I'm slightly afraid of it becoming a norm, not an additional tool for occasions when I have a really bad record. Has any of you have such experience? Am I right of being afraid she will like to unlimate possesions of my orgasms and erections too much?
ReplyDeleteIt's definitely not my thing, so I don't have much of anything useful to say about your issue.
DeleteLike Dan, it's not something that has ever interested my wife or I - and I never really understood the appeal. But there are many men to whom it does appeal - and after all, not everyone understands the need to have their wife blister their bare behind regularly either. As they say in the kink community, "your kink is not my kink - but your kink is ok".
DeleteI would imagine the topic gets more discussion in some of the BDSM forums and hotwife forums. --al
We started with male chastity, though it was never used for punishment. This is another classic fantasy, being locked for a period of time for misbehavior. Since I'm nearly ten years into my wife having absolute control over when I get to orgasm, male chastity is a sexual game played exclusively for the benefit of the man. In real life it has no real value to the woman other than keeping her man aroused and happy. DD is another story. The two just don't fit together.
DeleteI would love for my wife to have stated this to me. I would have immediately agreed to this no nonsense approach. I love his wife’s forward approach. What could you be afraid of? The spankings are suppose to hurt and affect change. When I’m getting a thrashing, I have asked myself why I am doing this, but I then look back at how I feel afterwards and it makes it more worth the while. I also agree that you can’t initiate this and then pull back the reins to appease your self interest. You end up looking the fool. I’ve always told my wife, “ I will never refuse to bend over for you.” I’ve never broke this promise even when I haven’t agreed with her. I personally don’t think anonymous is ready for this lifestyle. I’ve stated many times before, I would love for my wife to take the reins more than she does. She just isn’t built like that. I am proud of her for giving me what I need and deserve, even if it’s on a limited basis. We do go through lulls. Dan on a separate note, I was amongst a group of fellow males. We had been drinking after a golf outing. One of the guys referenced DD. I almost spit my beer out. He stated how he used DD on his wife, prior to the children. This was obviously mutually agreed upon. He stated it worked for awhile, but that it got tiring. They had agreed upon rules and regulations and when she broke them, he paddled her. They are having issues now and one of the guys stated, “ Maybe you should bring that paddle back out”. Everyone chuckled and laughed. I was blown away. This is the first outright DD story of someone I know. I thought about it after. Do our wives feel like he did at times? Do they get tired of correcting our actions? As far as chastity, my wife nor I have any desire to use this. I could be wrong, but for me I think of chastity as full fledged FLR to the tenth degree. Like I’ve stated before, I could have used this in my early to mid twenties. I feel if I could go back, I would look for this type of relationship to get me through those twenties stage. I believe at the time, full FLR would of kept me on the right course in life. It took me a bit longer to get where I am now.
ReplyDeleteT
T, it's amazing your buddy was that open about it. You don't have that kind of group conversation everyday. I don't think DD gets tiring for my wife, but she's told me that sometimes the logistics of thinking through how and when to work it into busy lives was on her mind a lot. And, while I can see how it could get tiring if there were no rewards for doing it, it's clear that she does get big benefits from being able to voice her displeasure about things in such a concrete and definitive way. While I think both of us could live without it, at this point I do think she gets as much or more out of it than I do and wouldn't want to see it go anymore than I would.
DeleteJust a quick comment: This incentivizing of DD for both partners is critical to it becoming and remaining an ongoing part of the relationship ( even with the lags that are inevitable in living) Both partners must ultimately be "pulled" to it rather than " "pushed" to it although the forces pulling are usually very different for males and females.
DeleteAlan
Dan, I was floored. He is a mutual friend of a friend, who I don’t see all the time. It was quite incredible to hear. I wanted to ask follow up questions, but thought the better. I didn’t want to take any chance outing myself. As far as age goes, I can’t see us stopping. Im in my mid forties and I am in agreement with Alan. As long as no health issues arise, I can see getting spanked for quite sometime to come. It’s quite amazing when you think about how long you have been getting spanked. It’s probably been 40 years of getting spanked, from child to teen. Then from the early twenties to now. I’ve been on spanking tube and noticed
Deleteplenty of men who appear to be in their fifties and sixties. I think your correct in as long as your libido works. I was thinking about Tomy and how he must feel. To lose someone who led such a wonderful life and brought DD to the forefront, it must be tremendously difficult for him. I remember my first visit to the DWC like it was yesterday. I hope he’s doing well.
T
Alan, I mostly agree, though I suspect a lot of wives aren't "pulled" to it at first and maybe even feel pushed, or at least a little "nudged."
DeleteAlan, I sort of agree. At first, I think wives do it because they know we want/need it. My wife never enjoys spanking me. I think she's learned that DD gives her a voice she didn't have before. However, as Dan has said in the past, it's difficult for her to punish me for interrupting her or annoying her. Subjective offenses are very uncomfortable for her to enforce.
DeleteOur wives have to get something out of it if they continue year after year. I'm not sure my wife has ever articulated what it is that keeps her in the game, but she remains absolutely consistent enforcing my rules.
To clarify, I don't think mine finds punishing for things like disrespecting her or doing things she finds annoying difficult or that she finds spanking for subjecting things in general difficult. For some reason, she just doesn't think about doing it in the moment. I think the whole dynamic just isn't "top of mind" for her in the way it is for me. She has told that for some reason, she just doesn't think about spanking things for me like rolling my eyes or having a snotty tone, even though she's totally on board that things like that are punishable.
DeleteDan writes: “For some reason, she just doesn't think about doing it in the moment.”
DeleteMaybe this is common because we have encountered it, No spanking “ in the moment” when it ( seems to me) would do the most good for both of us, but then later punishment or maybe the behavior incorporated into a cluster of issues she addresses. I have often asked her why she didn’t spank me in the moment since she obviously felt it was punishable. Her answer, repeated over the years has been, “ I just didn’t think about it ( spanking) at the time “ or “It didn’t occur to me”
I have tried to imagine myself as the disciplinarian and ponder what I would do in similar circumstances, and the instinct to punish in the moment would be intuitive, especially if behavior modification were the objective. But that is not the way she thinks about it.
Alan
"in the moment"... I have an embarassing episode to relate. Many years ago a group of friends strung together as a chant/taut all of the words that the females of the group said that they hated - yep very childish we were/are. n n n, c c c, panties panties panties, moist moist moist. My wife's was the n word. Anyway move on 30 years and about a month ago I trotted this very childish taut out at the dinner table in jest. Never again! She stood up and said "downstairs now and get the paddle". I was very firmly beaten with her still angry.
DeleteTime over her knee getting a very sore bottom certainly caused me to gain an understanding on her position that she really hates the word and that this chant is truly offensive to her. Anyway, her position now understood and behaviour permanently modified.
I'm sure the immediacy of that lesson sunk in. I admit I don't quite understand the common hatred of "moist," but it's clearly a thing.
DeleteAlan, “It didn’t occur to me” pretty much sums up Anne's observation on it, too.
DeleteDan, the same is true with my wife. She considers interrupting, eye rolling, etc. as punishable, but like Anne, she admits it isn't top of mind when I do it. That's one of the reasons for "Just Because" spankings. Once in a while she'll remember my offense during a "Just Because" spanking and will extend it five minutes to punish me.
DeleteIt would be very easy to describe a DD relationship with my buddies if I was the one doing the paddling. I would never think of outing myself to my buddies being the one getting spanked. M/F spanking and male dominance in general is a long standing norm in this country, as well as most others. What we are doing completely goes against that norm, which makes it so much more exciting, and embarrassing. R.e. the discussion about "no going back", that just sounds unrealistic. In beginning DD, it takes small steps to arrive at a place which works for both parties. It's impossible to know at the beginning how it will go. A more reasonable approach is the wife could ask for agreement around certain issues, and what would happen if those agreements were broken. A demonstration of a real disciplinary spanking before he said yes would probably be a good idea. All or nothing agreements aren't usually healthy for relationships.
DeleteI don't mean to be obtuse, but I don't understand what the abbreviations "n n n" stand for.
DeleteDoes that "n" stand for the racially offensive word that begins with "n" and ends with "gir," similar the to Republic of Niger in Central Africa?
Or, is it something else entirely that I missed in my "sheltered youth?"
"Nad(ds)"? "Nipple(s)"? . . .?
DeleteNorton wrote: “It would be very easy to describe a DD relationship with my buddies if I was the one doing the paddling.”
DeleteI don’t know if it would be that easy for me in a group of that imputed size. But I do know that women discuss these relationships ( probably more than men do). But they are more likely to make the discussion one on one or, at the most maybe two close friends or relatives. I can’t imagine a disciplinary wife announcing to her bridge club that she “ just spanked her husband last night,” and boy, did he need it
Maybe some day …
Alan
"What we are doing completely goes against that norm, which makes it so much more exciting, and embarrassing."
DeleteNorm, I agree with you on this most of the time. As I've said here many times, I don't have a big desire for M/f DD to "catch on" more than to whatever extent it already has, because I don't think it would be as compelling to me if it were not transgressive and out of the ordinary.
Alan, I suspect you're right that when women share it is 1:1 or, if in a bigger group, only hinted at. A friend of mine who had one of the only F/m FLR blogs out there told me that it was pretty clear that most of those in her close group of four or five friends "wore the pants" in their relationships, but she said she wasn't clear on whether that extended to physical discipline.
Has anyone considered the impact of aging in regard to the Disciplinary Wife lifestyle? Is there an age anyone has in mind when they might simply feel they are getting too old to be receiving serious disciplinary spankings? Or is just a matter of the state of one's health? My wife and I have passed 60 now, having been a DWC couple for the last 20 years or so, and the thought has occasionally crossed my mind - although, as of now, I don't see "retirement" from the DWC anywhere on the horizon. I don't think my wife gives it any thought at all. --al
ReplyDeleteGreat "topic" al! I'm still on the "good" side of 60, but it's not that far down the road. One big irony to me is that just as we are entering a period in which we have more time for DD and less concerns about ever being "outed" in the lifestyle, I probably don't have as much objective "need" for discipline now as I did when I was younger. Much (though not all, by a long shot) of my behavior excesses were driven by work -- work socializing, work demands and performance needs, work-related stress and bad behavior associated with mitigating that stress, etc. Now that I'm not working, I just don't fuck up as often or as badly.
DeleteYet, it never really stops either. Travel seems to bring out the worst in me, and when we were on vacation a couple of weeks ago there were several instances of behavior and attitude that undoubtedly would have been dealt with as soon as we got back home had we not both ended up with Covid. And, I talked about incidents last year in which she got pissed off at what she saw as overbearing behavior.
That's the other thing about getting older and having more time on our hands -- while my behavior is better than it was a few years ago, she's also more strict and less tolerant of the bad behavior that still happens. My behavior may have improved, but that has been offset by her setting the bar higher.
There have been periods in which I thought maybe I had "outgrown" the need for DD, but it tended to happen in two contexts, neither of which has proven to be lasting. First, every once in a while, through meditation or other "spiritual" (for lack of a better word) practices, I would feel more balanced, with less need to have balance imposed on me. But, like I said, it didn't last. Second, from time to time I decide that maybe I just don't like the idea of imposed discipline, and wouldn't it just be more fun and fulfilling to "let it all hang out" as I age, becoming one of those cantankerous, unfiltered old guys. But, every time I start drifting in that direction, I engage in some particular bit of excessive behavior that demonstrates to her and to me that I really do *need* boundaries.
--al write: “The impact of aging in regard to the Disciplinary Wife lifestyle”
DeleteHere are a couple of thoughts I have had. One and maybe foremost to me is the accelerant effect of DD on my libido. It can supercharge me far beyond what I detect are the sexual drives of some of my contemporaries ( this, interestingly, I have mostly picked up from wives of males apparently not burning up the bed-sheets while their wives complain a bit)
The second thing is regarding age itself. I think that must depend on couples’ general health and fitness as they age, which varies enormously. But I have come across several remarks by men claiming to be octogenarians still interested in spankings. I think that if you are a spanko, some interest in spanking will survive as long as your libido does
Alan
Dan,
DeleteMy wife also kept raising the bar higher and higher. When I complained about this "receding horizon," she replied that my "training" was just merely "progressing." When I snorted at that, she gave me a quick demonstration!
The conversation over her knee went something like this:
"Do you think you are a nearly perfect husband, father, and citizen?" she asked as my nose faced the carpet and my bottom got reddened.
"Of course not!" I replied.
"And are you sometimes a misbehaving husband, father, and citizen?"
"Yes, Ma'am!"
"Then your training will continue. And I don't want to hear any more complaining. Capice?"
KOJ
Alan, I get what you're saying about DD supercharging your libido. I do think DD keeps my erotic energy going, though I really don't have much perspective on how my libido compares to others my age.
DeleteHi KOJ. Glad to see you're back. Hadn't heard from you in a while.
DeleteMy libido is also fueled by our DD. That's one reason for our "Just Because" spankings. They help recharge my battery. Recently, I've been suffering from ED that Cialis and Viagra (generic versions of both) don't fix. It hasn't changed the equation in terms of my interest in sex, just my ability to perform. I'm consulting a urologist this week. I bring that up only because age and the ability to have sex doesn't seem to be the controlling force in my interest in DD.
Delete60 is the new 40 (if I say it enough I'll believe it). Cheers GLM.
DeleteGLM, honestly, I think there is some truth in it. At least there is if you try to stay in shape in the early part of your middle-age years.
DeleteSeveral posts have addressed or alluded to “chastity” in DD relationships. In fact, this has been a regularly reoccurring topic on the blog, stretching back a while.
ReplyDeleteTo me, “chastity “is a term that is hard to pin down without explicit context. Its meanings for different posters seem to range from 24/7 cock locked for months or longer to some degree of orgasm control or monitoring of masturbation. I make no effort to define the term because it does mean widely different experiences to individual couples. Clearly, there is no one way to incorporate “chastity.”. But arguably, there is a need for context when discussing chastity.
In fact, my sense is that there isn’t heavy use of chastity in many DD relationships, perhaps beyond some masturbation control. We have not been heavy users of any form of chastity --- if using it means prolonged denial of orgasm. Nor do I personally think it a great idea. A shared orgasm is a joyful part of any relationship.
But I have also discovered (with two different women) that some women do enjoy having the power to control orgasms, i. e. when and how they happen, even though both women I am referencing had no real interest in denial for denial’s sake.
I think this interest is apart from whatever interest they have in spanking. It’s a power rush of a kind but also gives a woman more control in bed if she wants it.
I know my wife would not give up the control she has, and I am equally sure my former GF would not have given it up. She, in fact, brought it up first when she told me that one day, in addition to controlling my ass, she wanted to “ control your cock too”. And she did eventually and I never really regretted it
Alan
"But I have also discovered (with two different women) that some women do enjoy having the power to control orgasms, i. e. when and how they happen, even though both women I am referencing had no real interest in denial for denial’s sake.
DeleteI think this interest is apart from whatever interest they have in spanking."
I said above that chastity, or orgasm control, isn't my thing. I'm not sure Anne is quite as much against it as I am, however. One of the links on this blog is to a defunct blog called Better Spouses that advocates orgasm control. During one of her visits here, Anne apparently surfed to it. She brought it up and told me she thought it was "interesting." Which, interestingly, is the same one-word response she gave me when I first directed her to the DWC website.
She hasn't followed up and, as I said, I have zero interest in it. But, it does seem like some women are attracted to the power involved in it. I suspect it's a similar power vibe to the one some of them get out of DD.
On this question I am both like Dan just not interested in any way and also lucky that the reality of menopause means there is no need for forced chastity! Mrs GL I suspect is not much different from lots of women her age so whilst I would love things to be different in terms of intimacyI accept that part of my life is over. Probably also explains my I push too much on FLDD. Cheers GLM.
DeleteMenopause definitely hasn't slowed us down much!
DeleteSame for us. We are still active most nights, probably with an average of 5 times per week (though not in some weeks due to travel unfortunately). Even the nights we don't, I think it is more because of excessive work making us tired more than lack of interest. Overall, I wouldn't say that my wife's sex drive has changed much if any from her hitting menopause. But menopause affects different women in different ways.
Delete-ZM
It's the same with us. I haven't noticed any change at all in Anne's sex drive.
DeleteOrgasm denial has never been a thing for my wife. It’s never really been brought up regarding our DD. Speaking of DD, we are out of our lull quite unexpectedly. I volunteered my wife for a family obligation without consulting her prior. I didn’t think she would mind and apparently, unbeknownst to me, she does not want to do it. She now feels obligated to do it. I then copped an attitude about the situation. I didn’t think much of it yesterday. She was still upset a bit today as I left for work. She sent me a text and told me to expect a thrashing once I arrived home. I was a bit taken back, as there have been times when I should have been spanked for my attitude; and I slid under the radar. Well not today, I arrived home and was summoned to the bedroom. My wife has a wicked strap that was lying on the bed. I was told to take my clothes off. I complied and was not ready for the thrashing she was about to give. I’m sitting very tenderly now. This was definitely a disciplinary spanking. There was no warm up and she didn’t stop till she was tired. She scolded throughout and told me to lose the tude and don’t volunteer her again. She has plans with her girlfriend for dinner tomorrow and stated, “I’m leaving the strap out for when I get home tomorrow.” I’m giving you another thrashing tomorrow.” I’m not sure I can handle another one like todays. She was definitely pissed and took it out on my bottom.
ReplyDeleteT
Do you think it was the attitude that got you spanked, or would she have done it solely for signing her up for the family obligation anyway?
DeleteDan, it was the signing her up for a family obligation without consulting her. My wife is easy going when it comes to family obligations or me actually making plans. She took exception this time. We had a discussion about the obligation weeks ago. She was on the fence with it at the time. So it’s definitely my fault. After last nights thrashing, I won’t make that mistake again. I’m dreading tonight. She made a subtle reminder before I left for work. If she follows through, it will probably be for the attitude tonight. I certainly won’t be reminding her.
DeleteT
Aging and DD are very relevant topics for me. Being over 75,I am probably the oldest guy on the blog. Orgasm limiting has never been an issue for me with any of the women I've been with. My life long obsession with spanking and DD is the fundamental cornerstone of my sexuality, and my G/F understands this. Like some others, my G/F is more strict and spanks harder and longer than she has before, which is exactly what I have asked for. We don't live together, so most of my spankings have resulted from me self reporting. My job is to be completely honest with her. Her job is to provide discipline whenever she decides I need it. I have received 4 spankings in the last 3 weeks, and will be receiving another disciplinary spanking Friday. The problem with being old and getting frequent spankings is my butt being quite wrinkled most of the time. I wonder if it will ever return to its normal shape, or if my butt cheeks are permanently damaged. I have to be pretty discreet at the gym or when I go to clothing optional places. But when you get old, nobody looks at you or cares, so it probably doesn't matter. My mental health is far more important than how my butt looks.
DeleteNorton, honestly, if I were 75 and had obvious markings on my butt, I'd probably be walking around the gym acting as if I was blissfully unaware of them or about people noticing them. The one big advantage I see to getting old is people forgive you not having a filter and would also likely be very intrigued by an older guy walking around with obvious spanking markings.
DeleteT, I'll keep my fingers crossed that she doesn't carry through.
DeleteIn a thread that got lost above, Mark wrote, describing his wife's reaction to willful disrespect: “She stood up and said, "downstairs now and get the paddle."
ReplyDeleteThere was only a single comment on this, but it is a great description of the ideal way for a disciplinarian to handle the no-ambiguity misbehavior of a less-than-ground-shaking seriousness.
Yes, she was angry and probably felt she had a right to be -and he knew he was getting himself in trouble but did it anyway. But her swift and decisive action was masterly and probably solved that issue for a long time, if not forever.
I realize most women who discipline don’t react that way, but if quick effectiveness is the goal, this is the way to do it.
Alan
Alan, totally agree. That was a very nice illustration of how to handle that kind of situation.
DeleteAlan, the thing was that I did not expect to be in trouble. Until now I had not understood the level of offence... to me it is just a word (sound?) until used in context. This taut has been around for so long and occasionally used by several of us over the years. Furthermore, we are happily married for coming up 30 years; she has spanked me for many years but only because I want/need it. Only recently has the level of DD increased and it is certainly not natural for her. Finally, we hadn't had any discussion about DD for more than a week, and at the time we were laughing and joking at the dinner table.
ReplyDeleteSuddenly I was downstairs over one of her knees with an arm pinned behind my back and her leg capturing one of mine receiving 40 hard and fast with our Muskoka paddle replica. Absolutely the hardest she has ever punished.
The whole incident conveyed to me exactly how she feels about the word and it will never pass my lips again even in jest.
"Only recently has the level of DD increased and it is certainly not natural for her. Finally, we hadn't had any discussion about DD for more than a week, and at the time we were laughing and joking at the dinner table."
DeleteIt's interesting to me how some wives can go for a long time at some fairly minimal level of interest in DD, to the point that it seems like they are merely accommodating our need, but then something suddenly clicks.
It was certainly a surprise to me... the change from accomodation to using DD to sort something that she had obviously felt strongly about for years. The n word was racial - viewing with benefit of wife's direction I now clearly understand that the word is strongly offensive to some even just in its uttering.
DeleteWhat I don't know at this point is whether something has clicked and I can expect to see more of her agenda. Either way, at a time a couple of days after she beat me I thanked her and explained how I appreciated (not in the moment though) what she had done and let her know that it was a welcomed approach. So I've done all I can!
Some women seem sensitive to certain words or phrases, especially if they have been used earlier in any kind of deprecatory manner or sometimes - in my experience- if they are simply words she considers guttural or obscene. I have had some of that experience.
ReplyDeleteBut she should have warned you she felt that strongly if you didn't know that she did. I will bet you if you ask her about it she will say that you " should have known"
Alan
Nope, hadn't penetrated my thick head Alan. With hindsight - should have known. I'm often guilty of two communication offences. I don't listen well enough, and I don't use my words (transitioning from normal to angry without communicating why I'm moving in that direction). Wife is working on both of these as the key punishables (apart from missed chores).
DeleteThe last spanking I got before Anne's hand injury was for that second offense -- not using my words to express what is going on before blowing up. We got into an argument that related to something I had been getting increasingly annoyed about and finally blew up verbally. The next day, she told me very calmly that I needed to learn to use my words and express myself calmly if something was bothering me, then told me I would be getting a spanking for it. Her very calm and matter-of-fact delivery actually made a more lasting impression on me than the spanking itself.
DeleteAll of my spankings for not using my words have been "next day". This paddling for the n word is the first time that it has been immediate. When not using my words I'm usually cross, and maybe she is not confident that I will submit to a spanking there and then or maybe it occurs to her later. I'm not sure.
DeleteMy wife banned certain words from our lexicon. I learned the hard way that she meant it!
ReplyDeleteKOJ
There is one word that my wife takes offense at, though she has never spanked me for it. It is a word that I still see as being a perfectly good insult as long as it's directed at someone who actually does not have that particular characteristic. But, she doesn't see it that way
DeleteWell, as I am writing this my rear end is sore and swollen. My wife followed through on her promise to beat my already sore butt. I was hoping she would forget or not follow through. She had a wonderful dinner with her friend and then immediately ordered me upstairs. It’s the first time I’ve ever been spanked two days in a row. It was not pleasant by any means. She scolded and made me promise to never volunteer her again. I learned my lesson and will never ever do that again. When done, she said “ you’ll remember that poor attitude every time you sit for the next few days.” I would say I have to agree with her assessment. Why do we need this again? Dan, I agree with your statement above, my wife seemed to have forgotten about DD, until the volunteering of her for a task. Then boom talk about flipping a switch.
DeleteT
Two in two days is some flicked switch T!
DeleteMy wife didn't like me speaking for her either. The more she got into DD, the more independent and assertive she became, and the less I could speak on her behalf -- and the more she could speak on my behalf! In our last 10 years I got volunteered for all sorts of things!
DeleteKOJ
"Well, as I am writing this my rear end is sore and swollen."
DeleteSorry to hear that, though it sounds like the lesson was well learned.
Tipping Point:
ReplyDeleteMark wrote: “ It was certainly a surprise to me... the change from accommodation to using DD to sort something that she had obviously felt strongly about for years”
I surmise what is going on when a wife seems to react suddenly and perhaps severely to a relatively minor offense has to do with both the consistency we often wish for and the well-known concept of the “ tipping point” In the real world, often bad behavior, attitudes, and irritating habits grow up cumulatively, maybe a wife doesn’t think any one of them deserves a spanking, but cumulatively she feels it and reaches a tipping point where she decides to spank. This tipping point calculus some women sometimes use clashes with our idea of consistency, but it is her way of delivering discipline. So when Mark was taken downstairs for an offensive taunt, it was probably part of a string of behavior and attitudes rather than just that single taunt.
I am definitely not saying that single acts of disobedience or behavior cannot earn a serious spanking because I know they do. But that cumulative “tipping point” is also a big part of day-to-day DD.
Alan
Alan, I too have experienced those tipping points. I think there are really two types, "little picture" and "big picture." The small picture variety is what you describe -- some small series of offenses that build up until she suddenly gets fed up enough to do something about. The big picture variety happens when a wife has been doing DD but it hasn't really become a part of her mental tool set yet. Then, something clicks and she suddenly gets a stronger sense of her own power and authority and starts acting accordingly.
DeleteSomething clicked a month ago for us. We were getting ready to go to an event, and I was annoyed she was not prepared and was taking so long to get ready. After a few attempts to move her along, she asked if I needed a spanking right then, or would I want to wait until later. That pretty much stopped me in my tracks. Of course I opted for later, but in hindsight, it might have been even more effective if she had delivered a spanking right then. I was distracted during the whole event, knowing I was in for a hard spanking. Soon after, she gave me a very enthuiastic paddling with plenty of scolding. That was a tipping point, which we never really talked about. Usually, I am disciplined for things I self report to her. This time, it was because I was tense and annoyed her, which doesn't happen much. Since then, she has been spanking harder and more often. It seems she has grown stronger, and less willing to put up with nonsense from anybody, including me.
Delete"I was distracted during the whole event, knowing I was in for a hard spanking." I've had that happen more than once.
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