Tuesday, June 21, 2022

The Club - Meeting 403 - Anticipation

Of all the hardships a person had to face, none was more punishing than the simple act of waiting.” -- Khaled Hosseini, A Thousand Splendid Suns

 

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  Mine was pretty good.  Nothing major on the disciplinary or “real life” front.  I do feel like I may have at least started to turn a corner on a period of some disappointing behavior.  As usual, it seems like I have to make serious effort on every front in order to stay in line on any front.  After drifting on several fronts, last week I seemed to finally get dedicated to getting my shit together on several things at once, including alcohol, exercise and diet.  I had let the diet really slip, but I feel like I’m finally getting back on track where health and fitness are concerned.  That’s good, because at my age things can go downhill fast.

 

 

We had a good discussion last week, I think.  It was all about the participation level, not the number of viewers.  Participation was up, even though the number of daily views has stayed static or fallen.  I’m very OK with that.  It’s the number of participants that determines the quality of the conversation, not the number of viewers.

 

A hearty welcome back to both Alan and al.  One of al’s comments was the source of inspiration for this week’s post.  He discussed an incident in which his wife took her mom shopping but came back to take care of some business:

 

“Before she left I had done something to earn a spanking but the kids were still there, so she told me that would be back later after they left to take care of that. Well, a couple of hours later, I saw her car pull up, and her Mom in the car with her. I watched as she got out of the car, leaving the car running and her Mom in the car. She walked in the front door, ordered me to the bedroom and paddled me as her Mom waited in the car. My wife usually spanks briskly so she delivered the usual hundred in short order, and left me sniffling on the bed as she rejoined her Mom and left again. Later, she told me that she had told her Mom she had to stop by to go over a few things with me before I left for the afternoon - and that she would only be a couple of minutes.

 

Even though Mom apparently never left the car, I think I would have found it terrifying to get spanked knowing that my wife’s mother, or mine, was sitting in the car outside and could come wandering in at any time.

 

 

It also raised the issue of “anticipation” in two different respects. First, there was the anticipation following his wife’s declaration that he had earned a spanking and his wife would be back later to take care of it.  Second was the anticipation when she arrived back at the house unexpectedly to take care of it.

 

We’ve covered this topic several times before, but al’s comment put me in the mood to hit it again.

 

I go back and forth about the ideal role of anticipation.  On one hand, I do believe that immediate consequences are best when it comes to modifying behavior. 

 

Yet, I also believe there is value in giving us time to think about what we’ve done and really mull over the upcoming consequence.

 

I’m struck by the way the two time periods in al’s comment are somewhat similar to those in one of my favorite stories on the DWC website, Even More, which I understand al. wrote.  In that story, a husband rants to his wife on the phone about something, she gets fed up and tells him he is going to get spanked when she gets home from work that day.  Later that afternoon, she calls to tell him she is on the way and he needs to be ready for his spanking when she gets home.

 

For me, those two pronouncements reflect just the right amount of anticipation.  She orders a spanking that will happen that same day, reinforces it with a call shortly before it is to take place, and in between the two announcements are several hours for him to worry about what is going to happen to his behind when she arrives home.

 

The trade-off with anticipation is, of course, the immediacy of correcting something right after it happens. Yet, even then there is a short and probably intense period of anticipation, which I assume al. experienced when his wife pulled into the driveway unexpectedly and announced he was going to get it.

 


 

The anticipation of school spankings was also brief but intense.  While it wasn’t long, there was usually some substantial number of minutes between sentence and execution; plenty of time to worry about what was to come.

 


 

While I can think of dozens of instances of feeling butterflies in my stomach about an anticipated spanking, one that always comes to mind is when, early on in our DD experimentation, my wife ordered me to drive home for a spanking.  I swear, that was the longest 20-minute drive of my entire life.  I think I would have a similar reaction if she were to text or call to say she would be home in a few minutes to deliver a promised spanking. I can’t think of an example of that actually happening, and I think I would remember it.  Though, I’m prone to more “senior moments” these days, so perhaps it did happen once or twice that I don’t recall.

 


There also are a couple of forms of anticipation that do not work for me but might for others.  First, if a spanking is ordered but doesn’t happen for several days, by the time it actually does occur, it has lost most of its emotional force.  Accountability and penance are big parts of the driver of my need for discipline, and after a few days the connection between the crime and the punishment has weakened to the point that it loses most of its emotional and corrective force.

 

 

Second, there have been a few times when she has sent me up to the room to await a spanking then she’s taken a very long time to come up and take care of it.  For some reason, that form of anticipation has no positive impact.  Kind of the reverse. I get annoyed, which is basically the opposite of being humbled into submission. Somewhat similarly, corner time does nothing for me, before or after a spanking.  I’ve meditated for many years, and as soon as I go into the corner, my mind slips right into a meditative state and I feel more or less nothing.

 


 What is the ideal amount of anticipation for you? Does something like al’s example or the Even More story, in which there is a few hours of steady anticipation then a shorter period in which you’ve been told it is about to happen, change the emotional impact?

 

One thing I’m not sure we’ve ever really discussed is the effect of anticipation on the wives.  How long is their ideal?  If they were irritated or angered by the offense that earned the spanking, does that diminish or build as the duration of the anticipation increases?  

 


It would be great if people share their own best example of anticipation, whether when it really worked to amplify the experience, or when it didn't. How long did it last?  What did it do to you mentally and emotionally?  What state did it put you in?  Scared? Exited?  Contrite?  Annoyed? Do you have any particularly strong memories of anticipating a particular punishment?

 

I would also love to hear from the Disciplinary Wives on this one. What state does anticipating giving a spanking put you in?  Powerful?  Annoyed?  Turned on? All of the above?

 

Have a great week.

67 comments:

  1. Anticipation is not something there is a lot of here, but I would like to comment. Both of us agree, punishment as soon after the infraction is the best method for us. Both retired and alone most of the time, this is fairly easy. I do believe, Dan, in what you mentioned about giving us time to think about what we have done. We do that here, but it is after the spanking. She leaves me alone after a spanking to reflect on my behavior, and the punishment I received for it. After that period, all is over and life proceeds. There are other times I feel the pain of anticipation. If we are out, I get spanked, but perhaps not as much as she feels is due. Then I hear 'more will follow when we get home' and we usually do not go home instantly. We finish the reason we are out and then go home at the time we had planned to. So all of that time, I am pondering my behavior and what awaits me at home. Another anticipation period is when I am punished for multiple offenses or the offense was a major one and she feels multiple spanking sessions are needed to fully punish. I get spanked for the first offense or get the first segment of a long punishment and she leaves saying 'stay there, I'll be back'. I may be in position for up to half an hour thinking, worrying, anticipating the next portion of punishment. She comes back and administers the next segment and if a third is necessary, I am left again to 'anticipate' the continuation or conclusion of my punishment. My final thought is I prefer quick punishment with no time for anticipation.

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    1. Hi SC. It sounds like anticipation actually plays a fairly big role for you, even if it all happens within a window of a few hours.

      I admit, I am more than a little fascinated by one aspect of how open you are: "If we are out, I get spanked, but perhaps not as much as she feels is due."

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    2. We may be a bit more open about our lifestyle, but do not broadcast it or infringe on others our discipline spankings. Yes, I am spanked away from home, but she is discrete about it. If possible, I am brought to a remote area, stripped and spanked. Other times a quick bare bottom spanking is delivered. With the 'spankers' I am wearing, this is easily accomplished. If we are indoors I am brought to an adjacent room and spanked, like the time at a friends home. A story I have related here before. I am not always spanked again at home, but there have been times.

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    3. Excluding hotel rooms and the occasional back seat of a parked car my impression is that not many spankings are administered away from home. It has happened to me a couple of times but not many. My former G.F. took me to her parent’s apartment once to make a point and my wife spanked me several times early in our marriage at her mother’s house. But being spanked away from home has been rare. I remember an almost panicky feeling when it happened, afraid that someone would come in unexpectedly or hear it. I was very much out of my comfort zone when they happened. But in all candor being taken somewhere out of the house to be spanked is pretty effective in sending a message,
      Alan

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    4. Alan, I assume the spanking at her mother's house was without the mother there?

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    5. I admit, it is not a common practice here, but I have been spanked away from home fairly often. Hotel rooms of course, but I have been taken out of restaurants, spanked and returned to join our group. At a friend's home with several others in attendance. A few times while out with others at venues. As I stated, as discrete as possible, but within earshot.

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    6. Dan wrote: “Alan, I assume the spanking at her mother's house was without the mother there?”
      I believe her mother was in the house when they happened, but not in the room when I was spanked. Actually her mother had been specifically told about our relationship before marriage mostly to assure her that my wife was not entering an abusive relationship. Her mother had been the disciplinarian in my wife’s family, so she was probably pretty comfortable with it. I never talked to her directly about it but have always suspected those early spankings at her house were for her benefit as much as mine
      Alan

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    7. Thanks, Alan. I'm sure that would have left me mortified.

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  2. Being told that I will be spanked as soon as we get home - and knowing it will happen - always hits me in the gut. So that the rest of the time we're out, I can barely focus on anything else - except the anxiety and apprehension, especially if we are in a social situation and I have to at least try to be engaged. --al

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    1. It has rarely happened for as, al. One reason probably is that when we are out together socially, there very often is drinking involved, and we've never done spankings when either of us weren't sober. Also, we're generally tired when we get home.

      But, if it did happen more often, I'm sure it would hit me in the gut too.

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    2. Hi Al, my wife has not done much of the telling me when we are out that I am going to be spanked when we get home, but I kind of have a feeling more of that will happen, since that concept seems to resonate with her.

      "So that the rest of the time we're out, I can barely focus on anything else - except the anxiety and apprehension, especially if we are in a social situation and I have to at least try to be engaged." I expect it would be pretty much that way for me as well. I have only the one time that I recounted below that I actually knew while we were out that I was going to be spanked when we got home, and I do recall it was pretty heavily on my mind.

      As I think of last weeks topic, I am imagining just how much more this would be true if she told me in front of the person or people we were with that I was going to be spanked when we get home. Then I would have to try to remain engaged and try to act as normal as possible even as I am dealing with the embarrassment and knowing that me being spanked as soon as I get home is probably on everyone else's mind as well.

      -ZM

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    3. "As I think of last weeks topic, I am imagining just how much more this would be true if she told me in front of the person or people we were with that I was going to be spanked when we get home."

      That definitely would crank up the level of emotion for me!

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    4. Hi al,
      Very nice to see you posting again.
      I haven’t been spanked very often after social events but plenty of times before family gatherings or parties where I had a history of “misbehavior” (according to my disciplinarian) I have written earlier about these “preventives” as have several other posters who use them or have experienced them. They really are effective. In fact it has been several years since my wife has found it necessary to administer one. I believe Daniele referred to it as behavior management and it did become that for my wife
      Preventives are for sure one of the reasons I haven’t been spanked often after events. But also both women who have disciplined me have been good at issuing warnings during social events. My former G.F. could be pretty blunt about it telling me I was “getting close” (usually in private) or mentioning her hairbrush-- like had I seen it lately, or she was afraid she had lost it etc. – threats that probably went over every one’s head at that time –but were crystal clear to me even though as far as I know she never carried her brush with her to a party.
      My wife in these situations is more nonverbal and fairly permissive. It is a social gathering after all. She is more likely to use eye contact or other body language to warn me I am headed for trouble. For me I think the warnings and preventives have worked synergistically. But of the two the preventives are probably the most effective – because you probably still have a warm bottom –and the promise of a harder spanking if you don’t behave well at the social event. Maybe I am mellowing out with age because these sorts of spankings are far and few between lately while my wife if anything seems more interested in spanking. The last party we were at earlier this year one of our friends actually asked me to have a word with her husband who was having too much of a good time. If she only knew.
      Alan

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    5. It definitely would be a change for me if someone asked me to tell someone else they were having too much of a good time.

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  3. I find anticipation to be very worthwhile and sometimes exciting! Graham

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  4. I am similar to you Dan. Excessive time between the misbehavour and the punishment is just annoying and rapidly loses it's edge. Most effective is a short period of delay when I know exactly what is coming (very like a caning at school).
    My most memorable was one where I knew that I had really annoyed her and she ordered me downstairs, to get naked and face down on the bed, and she would be down to deal with me. She was probably down within 10 minutes, but I was seriously shaking by the time she got there.
    Conversely similar offences with days between sentence and execution (for whatever reason) do not have that effect.

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    1. "Most effective is a short period of delay when I know exactly what is coming (very like a caning at school)." Same here, Mark, though in my schools the implement was always a paddle.

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    2. Your mention of school spankings reminded me that I was going to comment on something Dan said in the original post: "The anticipation of school spankings was also brief but intense. While it wasn’t long, there was usually some substantial number of minutes between sentence and execution; plenty of time to worry about what was to come." - As I have said numerous times, I never experienced this. However, I am expecting that those who actually did might very well find that they more vividly remember the feelings they felt walking to the office before and walking back into the classroom afterwards than they do the actual paddling (or caning or whatever, depending on in which country it happened). Probably in both directions they were wishing the hallway was a whole lot longer.

      -ZM

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    3. ZM, I suspect you are right about that.

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    4. Not sure that the walk was the memorable bit. I was at a boarding school and really did my best to avoid being caned. However on the ocassions when it happened you walked into the housemaster's small back yard and he had a couple of white feet painted on the ground to indicate the spot to bend over (the only spot with enough room to swing). With the passing of time I have no recollection of the time between the offence being discovered and seeing the white feet - only the feeeling/worry/anticipation. However I do have a vivid picture of the white feet.

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    5. White feet -- that is definitely a new one for me.

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  5. I suppose many wives might view spanking their Husband as just another household task and they prioritize it accordingly , so it may not be top of their list in terms of urgency..
    I recall one occasion when an announced spanking was deferred by a couple of days so I decided to see if I could expedite it just to get it over with.
    We were going out shopping and she was dressed and ready while I came out of the shower , so I suggested we might as well get the spanking over with before I dressed.
    Almost nonchalantly , she agreed and told me to bring her the hairbrush.
    Then she sat on the edge of the bed , beckoned me over her lap, and without saying a word , no scolding or mention of my offence , she gave me a thorough spanking and then told me to hurry up and get ready.
    Her matter of fact manner gave me the impression it was just another task for her.
    There were other times when I suggested we get my spanking over with and she declined.

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    1. I suspect at least some wives do see it as just another household task, though it's hard for me to know how prevalent that attitude is.

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    2. I definitely prefer to avoid a spanking straight after

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    3. I definitely prefer to avoid a spanking straight after a shower. TG

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    4. I think when we are doing the weekly check-ins - right now we are near the end of a hiatus from those which lasted about 2 months - it feels a bit more like that to my wife, because it is just part of our routine. Even with these, I think she still gets some thrill out of exercising her authority, but since the timing is predetermined, it naturally becomes a little more like a task or chore.

      -ZM

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    5. My wife has a bit of the chore mindset. DD doesn't get proactively done like many other chores would. Rather, when I ask about it when the house is settled, she might say she'd like to finish up some mundane project like photo organizing first, and will suggest reconvening in 20 minutes or so. Because I strongly anticipate spankings, 20 minutes is enough time to send me on a short walk in a vain attempt to calm down, which just gets my heart racing faster. Exciting stuff for me, and an annoyance for her, which makes it yet more exciting for me. Funny dynamic.

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  6. Hi Dan,
    Anticipation doesn’t normally play a large role in our punishments, with a few notable exceptions. Long delays don’t really cause anticipation, because more often than not if a punishment is delayed very long, it almost never ends up happening. And even if it does happen, the emotional force is largely blunted. As you said in your post: “accountability and penance are big parts of the driver of my need for discipline, and after a few days the connection between the crime and the punishment has weakened to the point that it loses most of its emotional and corrective force.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Like you, I don’t normally get all that much of a feeling of anticipation from corner time or waiting for a spanking to start, mostly because I have too short of an attention span and just become bored. The one tiny bit of anticipation I do get from this is if she happens to wear heels, as she occasionally does while spanking me. Then, when I hear hear her heels approaching in the hallway, I get a momentary surge of anticipation or anxiety.

    However, while normally anticipation is not that much a part of the experience, there have been at least 3 times that I can think of where the anticipation was pretty huge.

    The first time was actually the first time she gave me a punishment spanking. It was before we were married, and we had been going out for about 4-5 months. She had known about the desire for genuine DD for about 3 months at that time and we had talked about it extensively, but it had not yet happened. One Sunday, I made her quite irritated by putting a lot of pressure on her to come and see me because we hadn’t seen each other that weekend; normally we were together on Saturdays and she devoted Sundays to spending quality time with her kids. She caved to my pressure and ended up coming and we went out for coffee or lunch. When we were out (or possibly before we went), she told me that she was angry at me for not considering her need to be with her kids, and that she planned to punish me when we got back to the house. Needless to say, I thought of little else during the time we were out.

    The second time, she called me at work. I was in a meeting, and she was clearly quite upset at me, which basically never happens so it was quite a shock. I had no idea what she was even angry about, but she told me when I got home to expect to get it. Once again, I could think of nothing else until I got home, and she was pretty much waiting for me.

    The most recent time was a couple of months ago the day her friend called her and she told the friend that yes the friend could come over and yes she would be home, because she was planning to punish me. The friend did come after about an hour, and as I have recounted here before, several times my wife texted me to be blindfolded and positioned with my bottom in the air, and “one of them would be in soon.” I remember with vivid clarity how my heart pounded and I could hardly breathe, waiting for the door to open and not knowing who was coming in. Sure, I knew that probably it was my wife, but I wasn’t sure, and in fact still have no way to be sure who did enter the room or spank me except for what my wife told me. In this case, the feeling of anticipation was much larger than the punishment itself.

    One thing I notice that all three have one thing in common, which makes me think that it is a large element of those times that anticipation actually works for me. That is the element of uncertainty. The first time was the first punishment spanking ever, so I had no idea what to expect. The second time, I knew she was really mad, but I had no idea why whe was angry. And the last time, while I did expect that probably it woud be my wife entering the room and spanking me, I was far from certain, especially since this friend is quite interested in the whole thing.

    -ZM

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    1. You and I definitely are a lot alike. I totally identify with the "short attention span" problem, and I too get bored if I have to sit and wait. Or irritated. Or both.

      "Long delays don’t really cause anticipation, because more often than not if a punishment is delayed very long, it almost never ends up happening." That's my experience, too.

      I need to think about the uncertainty angle. I haven't considered that before.

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  7. In my opinion and experience, the sort of anticipation created by the situation Dan recounts (being called home for a spanking over lunch) is about perfect if the purpose is maximum disciplinary impact with possibly some accompanying strong erotic overtones
    .It is humbling, and gives you time to think about what you did and what the consequences might be, but not so long that the feelings abate or lose their focus.
    I have experienced this situation several times with my former G.F. who, usually after an argument on the phone or “something I hear in your voice” ordered me to report to her home immediately or at a certain time. She sometimes timed the interval it took me to arrive, so that order to report put me quickly into a submissive mode and the drive over was a frenzy of self-reproach for getting in trouble with her and anticipation of the punishment I knew she would administer.
    On a few occasions instead of ordering me over, she would call and tell me she was “coming over” to spank me and I was to go to the den (where I was spanked) and wait for her. The waiting then was pure hell because I wasn’t driving or doing anything to distract my mind.
    I guess I still believe the most effective behavior modification is an immediate spanking or one very close to the offense. But even today years later I remember most of those “report spankings” and why I got them –which is pretty amazing to me
    Alan

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    1. Alan, fyi, for some reason Blogger hates whatever connection you're using. Keeps sending your comments to spam. It hates yours even worse than ZM's. It sends about 1 in 3 of his to spam.

      I agree with you that the most effective behavior modification probably is immediate. We rarely do it, which could explain a lot about problems that never seem to get resolved. I do think some delay is probably OK and still serves as an effective deterrent, but I think that still-effective delay is measured in hours, not days.

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    2. I suspect blogger spams me out because I use an alternative browser since my internet provider is one of the biggest in the world.. If Google is hitting posts from alternative browsers that is an anti trust violation
      Alan

      I will try down the road a google browser and if that changes things thinks, hmm!

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  8. Anticipation does not play a massive role with us either. We are empty nesters and a punishment can be given immediately. The only time I can remember was one time at a party, I can vividly remember getting way to inebriated and was given multiple looks about it being time to go. Of course, I promptly ignored these and continued to party with friends. As we were one of the last couples to leave, my wife turned to me and said my behavior was disgraceful and I would be punished first thing in the morning. I responded whatever. I obviously was not in the mood to listen to what she had to say. I went to bed and of course was moving very slowly in the morning. After coffee, she told me to go upstairs and get ready for a severe thrashing. I of course, hungover did not want that spanking and tried to wiggle out of it. My wife was hearing none of it. I was thrashed w a hangover. She told me next time, I would remember to behave properly at our friends home. I remembered that trashing for quite a few days. Like others that post, the threat of a spanking later on in the week, always ends up being forgotten about due to other factors such as life. It’s unfortunate, because as a child, a spanking was never forgotten about by Mom. We could be out all day shopping, and when we came home it was go to your room. I’m going to get the spoon or paddle. You were hoping she forgot about your misbehaving and the impending spanking.
    T

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    1. It's interesting that while drinking too much has been the thing that has gotten me spanked most often, it's pretty rare that I've been spanked with a hangover. I'm not sure whether that's good or bad. When hungover, I'm not sure how much the spanking would add to the misery. I think not much, and one might cancel out the other.

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  9. J distinguishes between "discipline/correction" and "punishment", the latter being much more serious and rare in our relationship. She generally disciplines me as soon as it's practical and convenient. If that's not going to be immediate (like if we're out and about or have pressing obligations) she lets me know that I should expect it. So while there's usually no extended period of anticipation for me to stew, occasionally I have to wait hours or a day or so. I think that's definitely somewhat worse, but it has a practical cost. If the discipline is delayed, it's because one or both of us has to be doing something else, and my anxiety over what's coming is distracting. She disciplines me to clean the slate quickly and efficiently. Making me wait would be counter to that goal.

    Punishment, on the other hand, is usually more deliberate and severe. I'm only punished (with a capital P) if I've done something that violates the parameters of our relationship or betrays a major obligation. It's happened less than twice a year (though most recently about a month ago). She takes time to consider an appropriate punishment and calm down if she's angry, which takes a day or two. That time is hell for me (as is the punishment itself, which has always been very severe). So there I guess the anticipation is a "bonus" part of the penalty. Usually punishment involves both a serious caning and some other sanction that might extend for a period of time. Needless to say, I try hard not to give her any reason to punish me like this, and fortunately, she rarely has to.

    K

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    1. We also distinguish between discipline and punishment. With the latter generally planned ahead, more severe and probably involving being properly restrained over our modified bench. Discipline, while certainly very real, is less severe, in the moment when she decides to do it and typically either OTK with a paddle or bent over something with the cane. TH

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    2. Sorry - TG, not TH

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    3. TG and K, can you quantify in some way (duration, severity, etc.) the difference between discipline and punishment in your DD? We don't distinguish between the two.

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    4. Dan, for us, discipline is when she corrects me for some screwup, disrespectful behavior, failure to follow some rule, or something similar. It's definitely not "funishment", and I definitely want to avoid it. She disciplines me maybe once a month or so, maybe less, usually with a long and hard paddling or caning, beyond my pain threshold, sometimes after having me climax first (which as you may know makes it much worse). It's never done as part of sex (though we do use spankings when we play, which is different).

      Punishments are much more serious and severe, and only happen if i've done something J feels defies the agreed upon parameters of our relationship. I guess it's kind of a last resort, where the alternative would be either ending or re-defining the relationship. So it's a very rare thing for us.

      An example would be when she last punished me, a bit over a month ago. (The time before that was well before the pandemic). One of our bedrock rules is that I don't masturbate or climax without her permission. (We're not into "male chastity" or anything like that, but she wants me horny and available and putting her first, an issue at my age). A few months ago, she had been recovering from a medical procedure and kind of lost energy and interest in sex for a while. After a several weeks, I started to get antsy. I could have asked her for permission to take care of myself, but I didn't want to "bother" her (and I guess I was embarrassed). So I took matters, shall we say, into my own hands.

      I'm not sure how she figured it out, but she asked me point blank. And I hesitated and almost lied. She felt badly hurt, not so much because of what I did but, because I didn't ask her first as I knew I should have. It was, to her, as if I had unilaterally decided she wasn't in charge just because I wasn't getting sex. And I absolutely see her point. So I got punished, which was really the only way to "reset" things. It involved a very long and hard session with a rubber strap that hurts like NOTHING else, followed by a very long month during which I wasn't permitted climax. Not something I ever care to repeat, but most importantly, she made clear that I had crossed a line that endangered our relationship. So while the punishment was awful, I'm glad (now) that she did it.

      K

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    5. K, thanks for providing those details.

      I definitely agree with your assessment of the rubber strap. We used to have one but got rid of it because it was just too much and did too much damage. I agree there's nothing like it

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    6. Interesting that K’s response is quite similar to my own. Discipline as I said is pretty much ad hoc and either OTK with the paddle or bent over with the cane. It always pushes me beyond my comfort limit but doesn’t take very long. Sometimes naked and sometimes just pants down. It is typically after I’ve been in a snappy mood or something like that. I got an unexpected one a couple of weeks ago as I’d forgotten to put an appointment in the calendar that she needed to know about - an ongoing problem that has recently been raised to disciplinary level. I was just told to bring the cane down to the office and then told why when i I got there. I haven’t forgotten any calendar entries since. A punishment is another thing entirely, and very rare - also less than one per year. We have a modified bench that comes out for the occasion and has restraints for wrists, ankles and across the back. It’s always taken naked, starts with a forced climax to remove any possibility of enjoyment, is given with the cane and sometimes other implements as well. Needless to say it is severe right from the start and not quick. It would be triggered by a speeding ticket or a late fee or overdraft fee on an account. Although there was one occasion a few years ago when I requested it. I like fast cars and pushed things a bit too far on one occasion, cut someone off on an on ramp but cut it so close there was nearly an accident. She wasn’t with me at the time but I felt so bad about it that I told her what I’d done and what I felt I needed. I still drive a fast car but have never repeated that maneuver. And yes, we also sometimes indulge in fun spanking at a non-DD level below discipline. TG

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    7. Several years ago, I was driving with one of my daughters who was maybe 10 or 11 at the time. I was speeding. Not by a lot; probably 55 in a 45. Anyway, I came over a hill, a cop was there, and I got a ticket. My daughter asked me if I was going to tell mom. I told her "Sure, why not?" There was a long pause, and she then told me that Mom had gotten a ticket a couple of weeks before and told her not to tell me. She said she'd been feeling totally guilty about agreeing to keep it secret, and now that she knew I would tell the truth, she couldn't continue to "lie" to me by maintaining mom's secret. It was pretty damn funny.

      It would really suck if I got spanked for tickets. I haven't gotten one in a while, but a few years ago my luck ran out and I had a streak with four tickets and one minor accident.

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    8. Hi K
      K wrote: “One of our bedrock rules is that I don't masturbate or climax without her permission. (We're not into "male chastity" or anything like that, but she wants me horny and available and putting her first, an issue at my age).”
      I totally get this and we have very similar rules and I would have been severely punished if I did what you did. But a long spanking with a rubber strap after climaxing first – all I can say is wow!
      She is strict with you –and you must love and trust her deeply to submit to such a punishment. I think I understand why she felt it necessary to be so severe since to her your behavior was relationship threatening. And you are truly lucky to be with a woman who will do whatever is necessary to protect your relationship. But I will bet when you were experiencing that rubber strap you didn’t feel so lucky
      One question if you are inclined: did she become stricter with you as your DD evolved or was it that way from the beginning. I guess I am just curious whether she was naturally strict from the beginning or just discovered through experience that being strict with you worked best
      Alan

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    9. Alan,
      It was definitely difficult to take - well beyond my normal pain tolerance and definitely something I would never want to repeat. So, in that sense, an effective punishment, deterrent, and expression of her disapproval. But I knew that she wouldn't harm me permanently, which helped me endure it. It left me uncomfortably sore for days and with some deep bruises that have only recently faded away.

      I wouldn't say J''s gotten stricter as time has gone on, not in the sense of imposing more restrictive rules or being less forgiving of misdeeds. But she's definitely become more comfortable and unapologetic as the boss, like its just the natural order of things for us. She doesn't lord it over me or expect me to act like her slave or anything. She just expects my obedience when she requires it and for me to accept her word as the last word on things.
      K

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    10. "But she's definitely become more comfortable and unapologetic as the boss, like its just the natural order of things for us."

      This!

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    11. By the way Dan, I meant to say earlier, thanks so much for this blog. I know it's a lot of (largely thankless) work, and you never hear from most of the people it touches. It has helped J and I feel less alone in our FLR and DD journey. Other communities out there are much less focused on the day-to-day realities of this very niche lifestyle. So thanks!

      K

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    12. Regarding spanking after climax, my wife has done that exactly once, mostly because she was curious how it would change the experience. I would have to go back and find what I wrote here, because I really don't remember all that many take aways from it. It definitely felt different. I don't think that it actually hurt more, but the erotic element of it was gone, so that did make it harder in a way. I guess quite a few of us have experienced this, with K and TG saying it happens for punishment spankings, and Alan and I have both had it happen before. Still I would say it is not all that common in DD, and quite frankly, I think it would be potentially dangerous to the relationship to use it very often, since with the erotic element entirely gone, I think it could start to feel abusive and lead to resentment.

      Unlike most wives on here, my wife has no problem with masturbation. She just views it as something that basically everyone does now and then. Interestingly, when we have talked about it, she has made it clear that she does NOT want to know if it happens. Also, on a potentially (though not necessarily) related topic, she doesn't have any problem with spanking porn - the only one that matters since I find regular porn quite a turn off and mostly repulsive, or at the very least not stimulating at all. She knows that I look at things, and every month or two I show her the more interesting things I have found, and we talk about them, etc.

      As for getting spanked for tickets, for most of my life had this happened, I would have seldom sat down. However, in recent years I have not had nearly so many driving infractions, not because I have slowed down at all, but I guess just because I have been lucky.

      -ZM

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    13. ZM,

      J always has me climax before (rare) punishments and sometimes, but not always, before (more common) discipline/correction spankings (depending on how severe she wants to make the experience).

      I absolutely hate it; It takes me completely out of the frame of mind where it's exciting and sexy, and the contrast between the "afterglow" feeling and the pain of the spanking is very stark. It's, I must admit, a very effective for her to make the spanking a real disciplinary event that I would NOT sign up for voluntarily.

      But, interestingly, my MEMORY of those spankings are much more complex. I remember that my wife spanked me in a no-nonsense, definitely punitive way, and I find that to be a very erotic thing. So while it's not sexual in the moment at all, it reinforces something I find very erotic and and exciting.

      I'm not RECOMMENDING it, but it does work for us in a way that's hard to explain.

      Does that make sense?

      K

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    14. I should also add: J isn't trying to make me miserable, quite the contrary, we want to make each other happy. But she feels that if she's going to discipline/punish me for something, it needs to be "real" and not something that I get pleasure or mixed signals from. And I have to agree, even if I hate it when she carries it out.

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    15. K WRITES: “But she feels that if she's going to discipline/punish me for something, it needs to be "real" and not something that I get pleasure or mixed signals from.”

      It is hard to disagree with her feeling about the “realness” of punishment. Making a man “cum” before punishment leaves no doubt that it is real. But I look at post orgasm spankings as the “nuclear option” to be used when all else fails, but not every time. I have experienced post orgasm punishment a handful of times and I do know how powerful they can be.

      But for us, my wife can make a punishment spanking very real without making me cum before while holding the post orgasm out as an implicit threat if she feels it is needed,

      I am not criticizing your wife or any other couples who use post orgasm spankings routinely. And apparently some couples do use them regularly. Every couple has to learn what works for them, and I have head the argument that spanking a male after orgasm often produces a shorter spanking and leaves less damage to the bum despite the pain. So is actually more “merciful”

      Those argument may well be correct and I have been convinced that administering post orgasm must be in a disciplinary wife’s arsenal. But I do think it’s better to use it sparingly because removing the erotic charge (for us anyway) reduces that strong emotional bonding post spanking can that makes DD so powerful
      BTW, the last time I addressed this topic a female commenter said I was ‘nuts” if I thought I should be immune to spanking if I had cum. I am not saying that at all. I am just saying that a very real spanking can be administered to a guy without making him cum before. And doing that keeps the threat of a post orgasm spanking a line he doesn’t want to cross
      Alan

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    16. A post-orgasm spanking isn't something we've tried and, frankly, I hope she never wants to.

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    17. Hi Dan,
      I agree with your sentiments with the caveat that if wife or girlfriend determines she wants it available, then it becomes a problem to make it a hard limit and still maintain a full D\D or FLR relationship. I don't believe it is necessary but both women I have had a disciplinary relationship have bristled at the notion their authority was limited as far as using it. I think you have been fortunate that Anne hasn't used it and frankly I think I have been lucky that both women in my life used it very infrequently and mainly to make a point. However as K and several others report it MAY not be uncommon in female led DD relationships. Personally I would like to see a fuller discussion of the practice: how many use it, how often, with what results, for what issues etc. As far as I can remember the blog has never focused on the topic itself
      Alan. .

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    18. Alan, I agree it should be one of her options, and I would cooperate if she decided to do it.

      We did do a topic on it, but it has been several years. I can do it again next week.

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  10. Anticipation is a vitally important part of the experience for me. If punishment happens immediately, those powerful feelings are missing. Growing up, there was usually some span of time between knowing I was in trouble and it coming to fruition. An example was the old "wait til your father comes home," announcement and period of time or, at school, waiting in the office to be called in to see the VP. These were uniquely anxious minutes to hours of dread and humility. There were no erotic feelings, but I think that would be different if the disciplinarian was my wife.

    I never had to wait more than several hours at the most. I've read about paddling in school that can be delayed for parental approval, which could lengthen the wait considerably. Parental approval wasn't required where I went to school. Like others here, I prefer punishment that is not too far separated in time from the offense. However, there should be some time to stew in place before the spanking happens.

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    1. I'm sure that "wait til your father comes home" happened in some households when I was growing up, though it was so prevalent, no one thought twice about taking on the role of disciplinarian in the moment. Pretty much any adult felt free to spanking anyone else's kid if they were misbehaving. Parental approval definitely wasn't required for a school spanking. Moreover, the school usually called a parent to let them know a spanking had been given a school, knowing full well that it probably would result in a second one at home that night.

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  11. I said "less than twice a year" above for some reason. I mean less than once a year (usually much less).

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    1. Likewise, punishment is very rare. Discipline less so. TG

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  12. Dan, the spanking the day after with a hangover was horrible. Not only did my head hurt, but my bottom was now throbbing, swollen and sore. I remember being sent to take a nap which was actually much needed. To Brett’s point, the anticipation of a school paddling was horrendous. I remember the knots in my stomach sitting outside the principals office awaiting a paddling. I remember the secretary looking at you saying, someone’s been naughty and needs his backside paddled. I always saw a smirk on her face when she witnessed a paddling. Mom provided a permission slip at the beginning of each year authorizing CP. Mom would always say a punishment at school earns a spanking at home. We would be required to hand the note to Mom once home. She would sign the note and we would return the CP note the next day. Once we arrived home the day after, Mom delivered a bare bottom strapping on an already sore bottom. We did our best to avoid school paddlings. I could manage the paddling but the next day the punishment on an already sore backside was too much. I would be a blubbering mess less than a minute in. She felt embarrassed that you were punished at school and she made sure the lesson was driven home. Anticipation on those two fronts were unbearable.
    T

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    1. I think the school procedures where I grew up were similar to what you describe, though I don't recall any kind of permission slip.

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  13. I have to answer "all of the above" to Dan's question to us Disciplinary Wives. Both of us bave busy schedules, so Discipline has to be scheduled.

    Powerful? Absolutely. As I said last week, my inner bitch comes out. I enjoy it. When I announce to husband he's under Discipline, the reminders to him and me of My Authority come out: the signs on the wall, how he has to address me, ask my pemission to leave my presence, pretty nighties when he goes to bed (it used to be he had to get dressed when he came home, but now baby is a little older, so husband can't walk around the house in heels and a slip anymore).

    Annoyed? Of course. Why does he think I've scheduled him for Discipline?

    Turned on? Uh, yes. There is that element to this, too. I'm not going to deny it. In fact, lots of times I have to be strong and not call him out of the corner too soon after a Disciplinary Session to "service my needs." When I finally do, I don't last long. (This assumes there aren't any guests invited to witness. I've always been able to control myself until they leave. After they leave, my self control doesn't last too long).

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    1. When my big beautiful wife spanks me I have to put on my emerald green, striped,
      satin, pyjamas. She bought them for me, they're much to big and make me look like a
      little boy! She knows I hate wearing them and being seen in them by her girlfriends.
      She said I can change them for little frilly nighties or some very pretty lace trimmed
      babby-doll pyjamas if like?8

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  14. "Powerful? Absolutely. As I said last week, my inner bitch comes out. I enjoy it." Thanks, Celia. I always love your honesty.

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  15. Omg. Anticipation creates such anxiety in me and think that’s the worst part of the experience. Dev will text me “ you’re getting a spanking when you get home “. Now the butterflies are raging. When I arrive home she may not say anything but her paddle is in plain site. She tells me to go to our room and wait and she’ll be in later to “ discuss “ things. When the door finally opens I’m at my peak. The paddling is given and hurts like hell. When it’s over I obviously feel better physically and so relieved emotionally. JR

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  16. Anticipation is both exciting and occassionally problematic. If I know that that I'll be going over to my lady friends house the following day for discipline, it will be hard to sleep. That isn't the case with maintence spanking, which happens every week. There is a little anticipation if it is a preventative spanking before a stressful event. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night and realized I drank over my limit, I'll text her and won't sleep well after that. It is always a relief to see her response to my text, assuring me that I'll get a spanking soon. Like many others have said, the sooner unwanted behavior is addressed, the better. Discipline usually includes some corner time before the spanking, which puts me in a more submissive frame of mind, and ramps up the anticipation.

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  17. The anticipation phase for me is absolutely terrifying, she knows this and that's exactly the way she likes it to be. I'll be told to go to the bedroom, set my spanking chair in place, which also means the wood hairbrush gets set to the right of it on the floor with bristles facing up. Then stand in my corner...and wait until she gets there. Lord help me if I don't place the hairbrush. It's when I hear the clacking of her high heel shoes on the hardwood floor, that I get the feeling of doom, and start nervously shaking. I keep my nose well into that corner, before she enters, and if I hear the closet door open, I know it's bad, as she is also getting the belt. Then I'm usually taken from the corner by my ear, and stood before her as she sits down. It's now that Angela will start lecturing me as she takes her time removing my clothes, and throws them to the side. All of this buildup alone has made me start crying on occasion. Then our real purpose for being there begins. For me, the anticipation can be a very powerful tool of correction by itself.

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