The Club - Meeting 400 - Conversations

Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it. -- Maya Angelou

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships. I hope you had a good week.

 

 Our has been a little cloistered, thanks to the weather.  While areas around us are burning down, here it’s been cold and wet. Which kind of sucks.  I’d really like to get out on the motorcycle, but I’m kind of a fair weather rider.  Hopefully things will warm up soon.

 

 

Anne and I went out to dinner last night, and something related to Domestic Discipline sort of came up.  I say “sort of” because it didn’t get a chance to get off the ground.  We went to a relatively fancy restaurant to celebrate an event.  After a glass of wine, Anne told me she had planned to talk about something related to . . . then she pantomimed the movement of a hand delivering swats.  She left it at that, because we were seated uncomfortably close to another couple who had kids at their table.  We were both quite sure they would have been able to overhear anything we said, because we could hear pretty much every word of their conversation.  So, she dropped it and we didn’t take up the topic again after we left.  

 

It seems a little odd, but we do seem to have our most open and exhaustive talks about discipline and spanking when we are out to dinner.  Or, in bed.  But, the bedtime conversations are always a part of foreplay, and that colors the conversation.  When the talk is about DD’s role in the relationship and it is a genuine conversation, it almost always seems to happen over dinner.  I honestly don’t know why, given that we now have an empty house and plenty of time together to discuss such things.

 

It got me thinking about conversations around DD and their ability to get things started or take things in a different direction.

 

I’ve talked multiple times about how Anne and I got started in DD, but for the benefit of any newcomers, it began with a very candid conversation.  We had played a little bit with erotic spankings, but she put the brakes on after she decided that giving me “play” spankings for real offenses was rewarding bad behavior. 

 

A few months later, I found the Disciplinary Wives Club website and became more than a little obsessed with it.  I kept the obsession to myself for two or three days, but I literally couldn’t get the whole thing out of my head.  I finally felt like I had no choice but to raise the prospect with Anne, even though I had no idea how she would react.

 

Once I finally got my nerve up, I broached the subject when we were in bed, with the lights out, on the verge of going to sleep.  That setting was no accident. I was so nervous, I didn’t want her to be able to see my face, which I’m sure was a deep shade of red. I think I began with some very innocuous lead in, like, “So, I found this interesting website a couple of days ago.  . . ."   But, I moved very quickly into a high level overview of what the DWC was about. Given her concerns that our erotic spanking activity had reinforced bad behavior, I emphasized that what distinguished DD from erotic spankings was, in essence, that the DD spankings were “for real.”  There was no playacting. According to the stories, the spankings often ended with real tears. 

 

I think I emphasized several times that the spankings depicted on the DWC website left the husbands chastened, reddened, very sore and possibly in tears.  The goal was to make the paddling bad enough that I would really, really want to avoid another at all costs.  I also told her that I recognized that my behavior was often hurtful or inconsiderate but, because of the way we were both raised, she did not feel she could do very much about it other than pout and engage in other passive-aggressive behaviors.  The conversation was very much about us consciously deciding to empower her and dis-empower me, in order to bring a sense of balance to the relationship.  

 

At some point, she asked me whether I was suggesting this as something we should actually do. I think I gulped a little, then after a long pause admitted that I felt like it was something I’d like us to try. I told her I felt like I was drifting and really did want some help behaving better, and I also reiterated that I thought it would be good for both of if she had more control and I had less. Or, at least it was worth giving the power exchange a try.

She didn’t say much. In fact, it was a very one-sided conversation and, as I said, the whole thing took place in bed, in a darkened room, which meant I could not see her face or otherwise judge her reaction.  The conversation ended with her rolling over to go to sleep, after telling me to send her the website and she’d try to take a look at it.

 

I did so, leaving a note on the counter in the bathroom with the url for the Disciplinary Wives Club website.  Honestly, I didn’t think she would even look at it.  Mentally, I predicted—with perhaps more than a little hope and wishful thinking—that she would just forget about the whole thing or reject it out of hand as being too close to the erotic spankings that she’d already banned.  I was still in that frame of mind when she called me at work later that day and said she had looked at the website.  My heart jumped up into my throat, as I nervously asked what she thought.  She said very simply, “Well, if you want to try this, I guess you better go buy me a heavier hair brush.”

 

Here we are, close to 20 years later, and that conversation is still burned into my brain in a way that eclipses any other discussion we’ve had about DD.

 

What are the most impactful or memorable conversations you’ve had about spanking and domestic discipline?  Perhaps it is an origin story, similar to mine.  Or, perhaps it was a time you suggested spanking to someone and they didn’t take you up on it.  Or, maybe it was one of those rare situations in which the other party initiated things.  Maybe someone suggested you needed to be spanked but it wasn’t in the context of an actual relationship.

 

As you can see, I’m trying to leave this more open-ended than some of our previous discussions along these lines, which almost always centered on origin stories.  Instead, lets open it up to any conversation you’ve had about domestic discipline that was especially meaningful or consequential.

 

Note: We seem to be getting more anonymous commenters than usual, without any name used.  Even if posting anonymously, please add a name to your comment so we all can keep track of who we are responding to.

 

I hope you have a great week.