Saturday, May 14, 2022

The Club - Meeting 399 - Retirement and Empty-Nesting

You can do anything in this world if you are prepared to take the consequences. - W. Somerset Maugham

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships. I hope you had a good week.


Mine was tough a little disheartening.  I got results back from my annual physical, and some of those age-sensitive numbers are creeping in the wrong direction.  I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to do about it.  Honestly, I feel like I’ve given up about everything in life that I’m willing to give up at this point. 


The situation had me thinking more about aging, which is sort of the topic of today’s post.  However, before I get to that, I wanted to call out for special attention a comment that BW left on a previous thread in response to a comment by ZM:


As for me there was never an issue with my wife taking the reins. My wife was the one to take the reins, authority and whatever else she needed to rein me in. She's taught (or maybe trained me) that I'm better off not resisting her. If she's using corporal punishment she's not playing around and I dread it. My wife's strength or authority that she exhibits is exciting but at the same time I tend to feel very childish when I'm going to be spanked or if she warns me to stop something or I'm going to get a spanking. That's due to the severity of a spanking from her which I don't get that often. If she tells me stop or else I'm getting a spanking will stop whatever I was doing. When she spanks I'm usually using a pillow or cushioned chairs for at least a couple of days. So in the end my wife has the reins and is not letting go at this point.


Doesn’t that more or less perfectly sum up what so many of us are looking for in these relationships?


Now, on to this week’s topic.  It’s one we’ve covered before, and I realize it won’t appeal to everyone, but like I said, issues around aging and life transitions have been on my mind.


For the first several years of our DD relationship, I had a lot of excuses for why stayed intermittent and inconsistent. The primary ones were “the kids are always around” and “real life, especially our jobs, always get in the way.” 


The thing is, we’ve been empty nesters for a few years now, and I launched my early retirement experiment a year ago.  Yet, in terms of frequency of spankings or the intensity of the FLR aspects of our relationship, not that much has changed.  If anything, the frequency of spankings has gone down. 


Now, part of the reason for that is early in the retirement experiment, my behavior improved a lot once the workplace socializing temptations were no longer as much of an issue.  I say “as much of an issue,” because the workplace socializing didn’t stop entirely. My former crew still invite me to happy-hour gatherings, and it still seems to lead to trouble more often than it should.


The other reason that frequency may not have increased is that initially she did not join me in this retirement experiment.  So, while my life may have gotten more flexible, hers did not. But, that is about to change, and I’m curious to find out whether this time, with no kids around and with both of us having infinitely flexible schedules, will things on the DD and FLR front actually ramp up?



It seems perfectly logical that having kids in the house would put some hard limits on fully exploring DD and FLR lifestyles.  And, for us, they did.  Like almost all couples who get into this lifestyle with kids in the house, we had to work around their little ears and eyes, which made things like instantaneous discipline difficult to pull off.  Lots of bad behavior went unpunished entirely.  When issues were addressed, sometimes it was so many days after the bad act that much of the emotional connection between the crime and the punishment was lost.  


Logistically, the two things that changed the most over time were location and timing.  When we first began the kids were pretty young, and we could often get away with spanking sessions in the basement after they had gone to bed.  Though, who knows whether one or more of them overheard, or observed, something despite our best efforts?

As they became teenagers, late evening spankings were less of an option, because the kids started staying up later than we did!  So, spanking tended to happen on weekends when they were out of the house, which alleviated some of the constraints on where spankings happened.  


Even after the kids moved out, for a long time they lived close by and visited regularly, particularly on the weekends.  So, there were many times that even Saturdays and Sundays proved difficult to find “alone time” for Anne to take care of business. Theoretically, weekdays were more flexible once empty-nester status came along, but we both got up absurdly early for work, and I was traveling constantly, so we never really took advantage of having the house to ourselves because we were either tired or not together much of the week.


As far as the FLR goes, I do find the prospect of more open shows of authority morbidly attractive in the same way DD itself is morbidly attractive. Yet, we’ve never really explored being more open about her authority, even though things I formerly saw as big impediments—like my professional reputation—really aren’t issues anymore.  Being more open would probably mean our adult kids figuring things out, but I don’t know for a fact that they haven’t already figured things out. They are pretty smart cookies.


So, what accounts for this lack of progress despite our empty-nester and partial retirement status? 


I suspect a lot of it is just inertia.  Also, despite the fact we’ve been together for over a quarter of a century—and perhaps because we have—I think we both get embarrassed about moving into new roles.  Neither of us have been into role playing, and that’s kind of increasing the level of power exchange feels like.


ZM offered what I thought was a very interesting spin on this last week:


Oh how true about timing and frequency. For us, the frequency definitely went down. Ironically, I am pretty sure because we are now so flexible on timing that if there is even the slightest reason to delay it (and believe me, I can ALWAYS find some reason to delay it), it gets pushed out to the next day. Before, when we had kids around, she was much more likely to take advantage of rare opportunities.


So, for those of you who have crossed over into retirement and/or those who are empty-nesters, what has changed?  What did not? If things did change substantially, did it happen all at once, or was it more incremental and gradual?


I hope you all have a great weekend.  I’ll leave you with this picture.  Anne and I are quite a bit younger than the couple in this picture, but the picture seems to fit this week’s topic, and for whatever reason I really like it and have been looking for a reason to use it.




  1. Love that last photo Dan! Is it me or do I see some fading cane stripes on his butt?

  2. In simple terms, a lot of the stress has gone from my life since retiring from full-time work a couple of years ago. I have taken on other responsibilities but I have less of the 'separate life' that work always gave me with the pressures and socializing that comes as part of that package. More of my day to day life is completely transparent - when I over indulge (happens much less now), she is usually there and if not complicit, at least it is not a surprise! Equally, offspring can be the source of, and cause marital tension. Now they are remote, there is less of that as a trigger.

    I am undoubtedly better behaved in a compliant husband sort of way. We have gone weeks without the need (her words) for any physical discipline. We have been discussing that during the past week and she is of a mind to discipline me 'just because' and as a reminder. that the option is always there and that she is happy to use it. I agree in principle - I think it would be a challenge if she let a long time go without taking that action - but in practice I am using my usual procrastinate and postpone tactics to avoid. But then the side of me that finds the whole DD thing erotic, positive and constructive is creating the usual conundrum in that I want and don't want to submit to a spanking. I suspect the same scenario plays out in many 'empty nest' - TB

    1. Thanks, STB. I could swap a lot of your comment into a description of my own experience. One line that hit me is going from work-related over-indulging to over-indulging with your wife as a co-conspirator. We've gone through more of that recently. It used to be pretty rare for Anne and I to have more than a drink or two together over dinner. Lately, those dinners have been more prone to stretching into multi-hour affairs over several rounds of margaritas, either just the two of us or with friends at a similar stage of life.

      Where I do still need to be reined in is after those evenings, she goes to bed while I have a bad habit of staying up watching movies and having a couple more "nightcaps." She is not complicit in that part, and it's an area I hope she starts cracking the whip on more strictly

  3. With us, it was the other way around. We started the DD thing long before children came along, which was good, as it allowed us to build things up.

    1. Got it. It probably does change the dynamic a lot if DD starts before the kids, instead of the other way around.

    2. What sort of things were you thinking of regarding different dynamics?

  4. I am guessing a possible reason for the lack of responses to this topic is that many of the regular viewers are younger than might have previously been believed, i.e. they have not been through a retirement or empty nest situation. That certainly is the case with us! In terms of the general theme of changes though, the children are still very young, so their bedtimes are still early enough for discipline in the evenings to be reasonably easy.

    1. That's definitely possible, though it would be a change from a few years ago when the viewership here definitely trended toward the older end of the spectrum.

      Enjoy that phase while you can. I was surprised at just how much kids getting older limited our flexibility around spanking sessions. It got very difficult for a few years.

    2. Out of curiosity, we decided to check whether the ensuite bathroom attached to the master bedroom lets much sound out much sound. We found it takes very loud sounds to penetrate both the door of our bathroom and the bedroom, so hopefully, no problems will emerge.

  5. We enjoy periods of empty-nesting, though it may still be a year or two for a more full time change.
    The most immediately difference in the house is that the husband (me) can be found naked waaaay more often. I love getting up early and starting coffee, etc, in the nude, and having that extend to morning chores. This also results in spontaneous smacks to my bottom, and more formal 'just because' paddlings in the kitchen. While mostly just for fun, they also keep the disciplinary relationship active.
    One more serious change that we've begun exploring is the matter of food and exercise. With a child in the house, we need to 'have dinner', for instance. Alone, we'd both be more inclined to go the 'just a salad' route. Ideally, snacking and treats (and extra wine) would then become disciplinable infractions. We've discussed it, but haven't gotten to the level of strictness I'm hoping for.

    1. I hadn't thought about increased nudity being a byproduct of an empty nest, but I now see how that could happen. It's unlikely to go that for us. We live in one of those neighborhoods where houses are squished uncomfortably close together, and our house has lots of very big windows. I'm pretty sure my neighbors would appreciate if I did NOT increase my level of nudity, particularly as I keep getting older!

      Increased discipline regarding extra wine (or, in my case, beer) probably would be a good byproduct of empty nesting and retirement.

  6. Empty nesters

    My wife and I are empty nesters and spankings have increased during the last few years. She disciplines me for transgressions as she calls them she has utilized Alexa to assist her. She keeps a list on Alexa called Dan's transgressions. When she decides it is time for a discipline session she will ask Alexa for the list and she will decide which ones I will be spanked for, after the discipline session is over she will tell Alex which ones to take off the list. I have never cleared the list lol. As part of us being empty nesters she has instituted motivational Monday mornings before I go to work on Mondays she gives me at least 20 with either her bathbrush or paddle, to make sure I focus during the week, she doesn't call them maintenance.

    1. That's a very interesting use for Alexa. I personally hate the damn thing and can't shake the feeling it's spying on me. But, my wife likes it.

  7. Where did the picture of the father/husband being spanked with his daughter (I assume) watching come from?


This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed.