Sunday, January 30, 2022

The Club - Meeting 393 - Stopping

 

“What cannot be altered must be borne, not blamed.”- Thomas Fuller.

 

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our (more or less) weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

 

Remember how I said in my last post that one of my resolutions/aspirations was to make sure I didn’t backslide on some of the behavioral gains I made last year?  Well, it didn’t take me long to blow that resolution.  Though, technically I was probably a little behind schedule, since the second Friday of January is officially national “Quitters Day,” the day on which most New Years resolution makers are most likely to give up.  https://nationaltoday.com/ditch-new-years-resolution-day/  In this case, it probably earned me a spanking; the first of the new year.

 

 

My other resolutions are also off to a bad start, though getting off to a good start on those wasn’t entirely within my control.  I had hoped to back into the gym and into some new athletic endeavors and get the new year off to a strong start on at least that front.  I also wanted to start some volunteer work.  Unfortunately, it ended up taking me almost one full month to shake the Covid symptoms.  Fingers crossed, I think I’m finally ready to really get started on 2022, a full month late.

 

One thing that did seem to get off to a good start for the new year was the discussion here at the Disciplinary Couples Club.  We covered a lot of ground – resolutions; differences in “alpha” and “beta” (though I’m not wild about that term) male approaches to Female/male discipline; “hotwifing” categories; M/m spankings; how to accommodate DD with kids still at home . . . Good stuff. 

 

However, one thing we didn’t get a lot of was suggestions for future topics.  If you have thoughts about things that might be good for a group discussion, please let me know, either in a comment to this post or by email.

 

Glenmore did have a suggestion for a topic:

 

 

When a spanking should stop sounds like an interesting topic and linked to a subtopic of what is the objective of the spanking? To cause immediate pain, or to be feeling the effects for days after, or both. Very often if a spanking stops too soon the effects disappear very quickly, which is a source of frustration for her as she feels she did not do a good enough job.

 

We’ve talked in the past (multiple times) about how long spankings take, or “should” take.  Though, it never seemed to get much response.  But, Glenmore’s angle on it is slightly different; not so much about duration per se but about what exactly does, or should, bring one to an end. 

 


So, that is this week’s topic.  Is there something that usually brings a spanking to an end in your disciplinary routine, and does it depend on the objective the spanking?  I can think of many possibilities.  Perhaps she has a particular number of swats in mind? Or, maybe she uses a timer?

Maybe she’s going for a spanking that is long enough to make him sore for several days and knows from experience how long that takes?  Maybe he cries and that is the signal that the spanking should end, or that it should go on a bit longer but not too long?  Or, maybe her arm just gets tired?

 

For us, it seems to be the condition of my butt that most frequently brings a spanking to an end.  While I need to lose some bodyfat in other areas, I don’t have much on my ass, and I do a lot of leg and glute work in the gym. I think the skin, stretched tightly over my buns with little fat to absorb and distribute the force of the swats, contributes to small breaks in the skin, resulting in minor “spotting.”  Although it truly is minor, it often leads Anne to stop a spanking that I think she otherwise might have continued.

 

 

I also used to believe there wasn’t much point in continuing a spanking after my butt got numb, which it almost inevitably did with heavier wooden paddles.  I’ve started rethinking that lately, however.  A few weeks ago someone pointed out that even once the butt goes on, a longer spanking may result in that “you aren’t going to be sitting comfortably for a week” deep soreness.

 

I’m genuinely not sure what would happen if Anne were to decree that a spanking would not end until I was crying real tears.  As I’ve said, it has never happened so far.  But, then, she has never given the “this spanking won’t stop until you are crying” approach a try.  I do think that because of the numbness issue, in probably would require multiple sessions with minutes of downtime to let the feeling return.

 

 

How about you? What typically brings your spankings to an end?  Does it depend on the objective of the spanking (punishment vs. maintenance vs. preventative, etc.)?  And, for the husbands, do you think the spankings stop too soon, not soon enough, or just right?  I'm not sure the answer to that one is all that obvious.  For example, some of us are perversely attracted to the idea of crying, and even if you really, really want a spanking to stop when it is in process, I don't think it is all that uncommon to feel some disappointment if it ends before tears or while he is still comfortably within the limits of what he can take without breaking down and really submitting or surrendering fully to her.

 

  

I hope you all have a good week.

62 comments:

  1. Is the "have I been messing up all these spankings" woman Alexandra Daddario? She looks familiar. Michelle Monaghan should've spanked Woody Harrelson for cheating in True Detective.

    My wife seems to stop out of decorum, which I honestly think may be calibrated by the length of movie scenes. We haven't had a breakthrough in that area. I'm appreciative but I wish I could just tell her to go until her arm is too tired or I tap out, and trust her expectations of length to subconsciously adjust over time. Has anyone struggled with this and methods or rituals to help her achieve a "flow state" administering spanking?

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    1. I don't think that's her, but I could be wrong. Until very recently, I wouldn't have understood your reference, but one of my kids got me to watch True Detective a few weeks ago. Loved the first season! Woody Harrelson was great and Matthew McConaughey was brilliant. I didn't watch Season 2 because it was panned so hard by pretty much everyone. I liked Season 3, though the plot was a little muddled.

      I'm not sure about flow states and administering spankings, but I do think that if you feel the spankings are not long enough, an hour glass is a nice decorative addition that can help establish a minimum time. Our early system setting a minimum number of swats for particular offenses worked well, at least when the implement used was a paddle like those used for school spankings.

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    2. "Have I been messing up" is Jenna Coleman, from Dr. Who and Victoria. She or Alexandra Daddario would both make excellent disciplinarians!

      In answer to the question, my wife generally has a number in mind when we begin - from a 20 swat reminder to approaching three figures. Though once, when I couldn't remember the second of two reasons I was being spanked, we went to at least 120. She did eventually give me a few hints!

      CrimsonKing

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    3. Very kind of her to give you the hints. :-)

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    4. "Have I been messing up" looks 14 years old

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  2. My wife stops only when I finally stop squirming, and my bottom is a nice shade of red.

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  3. Hi Dan,
    This is a great topic this week!

    The paradox you described is the reason the topic of what ends a spanking is so compelling: “…even if you really, really want a spanking to stop when it is in process, I don't think it is all that uncommon to feel some disappointment if it ends before tears or while he is still comfortably within the limits of what he can take without breaking down and really submitting or surrendering fully to her.” - This exactly describes how I so often feel right after a punishment spanking ends; only moments before I was dying for it to end, and now I am disappointed that it ended too soon!

    I will start by answering your questions about how my wife currently does it in this post, and then in a separate post I will write some thoughts about the topic in general and what factors can or should cause a spanking to end.

    “What typically brings your spankings to an end? Does it depend on the objective of the spanking (punishment vs. maintenance vs. preventative, etc.)? ” - It absolutely depends on the circumstances. Reminder spankings, like for missing a few goals on a weekly check-in, are always quite short, because she doesn’t really intend for it to be very much of a spanking. Then there are things that are slightly bigger issues, like for attitude or grumpiness, where she wants to change the attitude or behavior. She usually doesn’t have all that much emotion about the issue, but she wants it to be a punishment nonetheless, so it is much harder and longer, and almost always ends because she thinks my bottom looks pretty damaged, either bruising or a few drops of blood. Finally, there are those times that she is angry or hurt, which last happened quite a ways back when she wasn’t nearly as comfortable spanking as long and hard as she does now. Even then when she was a bit angry or frustrated and really wanted to punish me, when she would see bruises forming or some droplets of blood she responded by telling me to put my underwear on so she wouldn’t have to see it as she continued spanking. Recently, we have speculated many times about how a severe punishment might look now that she is used to giving much harder spankings.

    You asked: “for the husbands, do you think the spankings stop too soon, not soon enough, or just right?” - as I said above, I’m not sure how a severe punishment would be, but for other spankings, usually I am relieved when they stop, but to be honest they always stop somewhere between too soon and just right, and never too late.

    - to be continued -

    -ZM

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    1. T"his exactly describes how I so often feel right after a punishment spanking ends; only moments before I was dying for it to end, and now I am disappointed that it ended too soon!" I've experienced this many times, and it is indeed amazing how quickly your mindset changes.

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    2. Indeed! I've experienced this contradiction many times as well. --al

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    3. The contradiction that fascinates me are the times she insists on a spanking I either feel is unfair or I am just not in the mood -and minutes later -like magic - ( when it is over) I realize it was fair or I did need it and all the resentment is gone that I might have felt before she spanked me. She knows this happens and it has given her confidence to push back against my resistance, I love her even more for exerting her authority this way when I am defiant but the Jekyll /Hyde transformation is --after some time still a little shocking.

      Alan

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    4. Alan, I've experienced that same Jekyll/Hyde transformation, and it really is an interesting phenomenon. It also happens in reverse when I sometimes successfully manage to delay or get out of a spanking entirely. I really want to avoid it in the moment, but as soon as it looks like I got my wish and avoided it, I feel stirrings of disappointment.

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    5. I can relate very well to both of those feelings, and they are both just about equally surprising when they happen.

      -ZM

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  4. I think there are 3 criteria that should determine when a punishment spanking ends: whether surrender was reached, whether all emotions were vented, and whether enough damage was inflicted to ensure that the punishment will be felt for enough time to facilitate reflection.

    Surrender:
    The spanking ending in “surrender” is key for both parties. This surrender and momentary loss of control is what I crave (and admittedly fear at the same time) and is a huge part of the attraction of spanking and DD. I am defining surrender as the point where the one being spanked completely gives up fighting it, their body noticeably relaxes, and they quit tensing up or clenching. Sometimes when this happens to me, I find I even raise my bottom somewhat, almost like I am welcoming the spanks because deep down I know that I deserve the spanking and that it is for my own good. Whenever my wife sees this surrender take place, she can know for sure that the message was received and she can expect to see changes happen.

    Every punishment spanking - and most disciplinary spankings - really need to continue past the point of surrender, because only then is the one being spanked not in control. As long as I “really, really want a spanking to stop,” I have NOT surrendered, so ironically the spanking “really, really needs to keep going…”

    Tears are merely one of several manifestations of surrender and are not necessarily needed or maybe even possible depending on the person and circumstance. I can say that the one time that she unquestionably spanked me to tears (as opposed to several other times that were sort of to tears) she told me beforehand that she was going to continue until I cried, so probably that played at least some role in me reaching that point.

    Venting
    One of the best things about spanking is how it clears the slate, both for the spanker and the spankee. If she is spanking me out of feelings of hurt or anger, she should continue at least until those feelings been fully vented, at which point she will probably transition from feeling angry at me to feeling sorry for me. At the same time, if I reach the point of surrender, it will provide an emotional catharsis and purging of feelings of guilt for me as well. So, the spanking should end with a clean slate.

    Damage
    This is was what triggered this topic for this week. My wife, Dan’s wife, and probably many of the others typically end the spanking based on the visible damage they see. This is a normal response, especially when you are the one inflicting damage on the one you love. However, while the damage is difficult to look at (and to be the cause of), it should be seen as a necessary and in fact desirable element in an effective punishment. Maximizing short term pain and TEMPORARY damage should be the goal, not something to avoid.

    - continued below -

    -ZM

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    1. It's a great point that venting applies to *both* the spanker and the spankee.

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  5. So what does all this mean in practical terms?

    In my mind, a reminder spanking (or maintenance or preventative) will take me close to my limit, but not past. The purpose of it is just to keep fresh in my mind that spankings hurt, so it should take me almost to where it becomes unbearable and then end.

    A disciplinary spanking ideally would take me past the point of surrender, but then would be over soon after that. So perhaps the point of surrender would be at the 90% mark of the spanking.

    However, a real punishment spanking should only end when all three conditions are met: I surrendered completely, the slate is completely clear, and I am going to have some problem sitting comfortably for a while. For a severe punishment, surrender might mark like the 2/3 point of the spanking, so once I surrender, she spanks about another half as much as what led to that point.

    And what about damage? If she is really angry, she might be encouraged by seeing damage… ;-) However, assuming she doesn’t want to see the damage, she can always have me pull my underwear up and only look at my bottom occasionally. Also, she can spread the spanks (or cane strokes or whatever) over a larger area. If my upper bottom has a few spots of blood, then spank more in the sit spot or even on the thighs. That is what she did last time. I thought she was trying to focus on the sit spot, but she later told me she was trying to avoid the area that had a blood spot. All I can say for sure is I felt it while sitting for longer than usual!

    Probably every spanker here tends to spank shorter than idea, because it is really to be expected especially in a loving relationship. I am sure I would spank my wife way too short if the tables were turned. One idea I just had to help with this - so we have never tried - is to let fate or chance have the final word (since I love chance). So, my wife would spank until she thinks the spanking is over, which by default is probably shorter than ideal. Then, she could have like a few cards to draw from that would say how much remained after that point, with things like “all done” or “1 minute of rapid fire hairbrush spanking on sit spots” or “6 cane stripes on the thighs” and so on. I still need to think more about that idea.

    -ZM

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    1. ZM wrote: “Sometimes when this happens to me, I find I even raise my bottom somewhat, almost like I am welcoming the spanks because deep down I know that I deserve the spanking and that it is for my own good”

      This exact thing happens to us and my wife has commented on it. The rhythm of raising bum to paddle or strap is kind of a transcendent experience I have referred to as the “dance of discipline” It isn’t the euphoric experience some have described but is a feeling of oneness with the disciplinarian and with her discipline.

      It is definitely the point where I give up any resistance to her authority or to the discipline and just go with it. It can be a moment of sublime freedom as I give up both the emotional and physical struggle .The act of raising bum to strap or paddle is a symbolic surrender and both my wife and my former G.F. recognized that. In fact it was my former G.F. who once told me “Alan, the paddle will set you free ( if you let it do its work)”. She was right although I didn’t understand it for a long time.
      Alan

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    2. Alan, the paddle will set you free ( if you let it do its work)”.

      There is something about this quote that I cannot quite put my finger on. Disturbing, haunting, eerily insightful. But, perhaps only so to a true spanko. --al

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    3. I've had that same reaction when Alan has brought up that quote.

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    4. That quote seems a bit disturbing to me at first glance as well. However, I think there is a lot of truth in it.

      I mentioned above that often right after a spanking I feel disappointed that it ended so soon, forgetting that only moments before I couldn't wait for it to end. As I am thinking about it, I realize that this phenomena strangely seems to happen more on longer spankings and only rarely on short ones where she just gives me a few whacks with a paddle, which seems opposite of what one might expect.

      It just occurred to me that if a spanking ends before the "complete surrender" point, then the emotional catharsis and purging of feelings of guilt may not occur, or may be incomplete. Also, if the point of surrender is not reached during a spanking, then I never experience the temporary (though nearly total) loss of control, which as I also said above, is what I crave and is perhaps one of the biggest attractions of spanking/DD/FLR to me. I am thinking that maybe this combination of not losing control and having an incomplete emotional catharsis and release of feelings of guilt is the trigger for the disappointment. If so, it makes sense that I tend to feel the disappointment more after a big spanking, because usually those are the ones that are for something that I feel guilty about.

      If this is true, then indeed "the paddle will set you free (if you let it do its work)," but I would add "and if she doesn't stop too soon."

      -ZM

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    5. "I am thinking that maybe this combination of not losing control and having an incomplete emotional catharsis and release of feelings of guilt is the trigger for the disappointment." I hadn't thought about it like this before, but it makes a lot of sense.

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    6. ZM, you said: "A disciplinary spanking ideally would take me past the point of surrender, but then would be over soon after that. So perhaps the point of surrender would be at the 90% mark of the spanking. However, a real punishment spanking should only end when all three conditions are met: I surrendered completely, the slate is completely clear, and I am going to have some problem sitting comfortably for a while. For a severe punishment, surrender might mark like the 2/3 point of the spanking, so once I surrender, she spanks about another half as much as what led to that point."

      It's interesting that you break out serious spankings into disciplinary and punishment, and that even the milder of the two is still passed the point of submission and is 80% of what you would consider punishment. I've always thought of the categories as more binary, split between "disciplinary" or "punishment" (which I use more or less interchangeably) on the one hand, and everything less than those on the other. I do like your tripartite division, though it's not the way I typically think about it.

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    7. Hi Dan,
      Regarding the link between not losing control and feeling disappointed that a spanking ended too soon, I hadn't thought of it before either, only as I was typing.

      The same is also true for breaking serious spankings into disciplinary and punishment. I was just trying to describe what the "ideal" (i.e. most effective) spankings would be in the different situations in which I was spanked.

      Minor spankings aren't meant to be punishments. They simply remind me that spankings hurt and that I am subject to my wife's authority and can spank me whenever she wishes. Because we do weekly check-ins and I have quite a few categories on which I am scored, I often get reminder spankings, usually when I come up short on one or two categories. It isn't a huge miss, but rather shows that I need to be a little more serious. That was the case this Monday; I had not only lost weight, but also gained about half a pound, didn't walk much, and was a little lax on diet. I got a couple of cane stripes and a short spanking with the strap.

      However, my wife has been increasingly disappointed with my weight loss lately and me missing goals week after week. I am losing, but the holiday weight is not coming off quickly enough, putting me at risk of not being where I want to be by summertime. My wife told me that if I don’t hit my target this week then I will get a hard spanking next week. If this were to happen, I would classify it as the “serious disciplinary” type (not “punishment) because she would not have any real emotions to vent, nor would I have deep feelings of guilt or shame. A little disappointment for both of us and a little guilt for me, perhaps, but weight loss is hard and I am trying. Nor is the purpose retribution; rather, it is intended merely to teach me a lesson and to persuade me to to take weight loss more seriously. In the end, it is for my own good.

      If I were to do something that offended or hurt my wife or made her really angry, she would have some serious emotion to vent, and I would undoubtedly have a heavy load of guilt and shame. Because of the depth of emotion involved, I would consider this as punishment. She might very well feel like getting a bit of retribution, I might need to be able to release some feelings of guilt, and the slate would really need to be cleaned. While this type of spanking would certainly teach me a lesson, it is not just for my own good, but also for my the good of my wife and for our relationship.

      Now for severity. If I end up getting a big spanking because of weight loss, will she take me past the point of surrender? Most likely not, because she seldom does. But if she did, I think that breaking through emotional barriers would cause me to reflect a lot more on the experience. Weight loss would be part of my conscious thought for days, and subconscious thought a lot longer than that. But she would struggle with spanking me so much for something that didn’t affect her all that much so wouldn’t go much beyond surrender, so that’s why I said it mark the 90% point.

      However, if I were to really wrong her, she is angry, and I am feeling really guilty, I could easily see her going well past the point of surrender. She might actually take some satisfaction in me being in a broken state, rather than hating to see it. In this case, she might continue until she gets it completely out of her system and sees that I have come to terms with my guilt as well. So the point of surrender not mark the end of the spanking, but rather just a milepost part way down a long path.

      -ZM

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    8. I hope the weight loss is going better this week! It's such a hard thing sometimes.

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  6. “Is there something that usually brings a spanking to an end in your disciplinary routine, and does it depend on the objective the spanking?”
    We have talked about this and she usually looks for body language that shows I have accepted the spanking or at least stopped any kind of physical or verbal resistance. That’s probably about the time my bum becomes numb although it seems like she goes on a minute or so after I “calm down”.
    But there are times she has gone well beyond that –sometimes interrupted by corner time- to the point of serious bruising lasting well into the second week. (But no bleeding). Occasionally she will decide, before starting, on the number of smacks she will administer. These are usually for quick, on the spot spankings for minor offenses and meant to be reminders rather than serious punishment.

    I am not sure if I know or she does, why she stops at the numbing stage for most spankings but keeps going for some. She spanks intuitively by which I mean she stops when she thinks she has achieved her objective. For me, not knowing when she will stop makes a spanking very real and a little scary sometimes. When a spanking goes on a “long time “there can be a panicky feeling that it will never end. This of course is a complete illusion but it seems real enough when it is happening.
    The one thing I know for sure is that, once it starts, the sooner I show her I am surrendering to her, the sooner it will be over. That’s one reason a scolding works so well because it moves me away from the rebellious or hostile attitude that got me into trouble in the first place
    Alan

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    1. Alan, my wife too spanks "intuitively," an I like that terminology. I do think it would be hard for my wife to accurately determine any kind of emotional "surrender," because as you note the point at which I'm giving signs of surrender (I stop vocalizing with each swat, stop tensing, etc.) may be not because I reached some point of emotional surrender to the spanking and/or to her her authority but, rather, because that was the point at which my bum went numb.

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    2. Dan,
      There have been some accounts written by women describing why they stop and when. Some have been on this blog from time to time.
      From reading them I take that there is no single method used. Some women do apparently use visual evidence such as a bruising bottom but many seem to look for signs of remorse, contrition and humility.

      Hardly any account I have read consider tears to be necessary (although apparently a few do). Probably the decision to stop is as much emotional as it is cerebral. But I suspect most spankings end soon after the point the spankee is no longer fighting it verbally or physically. That has been my normal experience. But there are plenty of accounts (or advice) suggesting it should be extended some time beyond that for maximum effect.
      Alan

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    3. "Some women do apparently use visual evidence such as a bruising bottom" - I don't think my wife necessarily plans to spank me until I am bruised or spotting. I think rather that she normally intends to spank until she thinks it has been enough, something resembling the "remorse, contrition, and humility" you refer to. But, I think what often/usually happens is that the bruised bottom or spots of blood convince her to stop before she would otherwise do so.

      I agree that probably normally tears are not considered necessary, particularly since many men have a hard time or find it completely impossible to get to that point of surrender. I am mostly in that camp... What I would guess, but don't know for sure yet, is that each time you are spanked to tears, tears are a little easier to get to, since the emotional barriers even when rebuilt aren't maybe quite as strong as they originally were. I think since the one time I was spanked to tears, a few other times I have been sort of in tears, and probably I would not have been even that close to outright crying had I not been taken there before. Anyway, where I was going with that is that in those DD relationships where tears happen at least from time to time, I could easily see the wife deciding that a certain spanking would not stop until tears were flowing.

      As for a spanking going well past the point of surrender, I haven't experienced that, but I too have read quite a few times that this the time where the most profound and longest lasting learning takes place.

      -ZM

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  7. Dan, like you, my buns have no fat. "Spotting" has been a problem since my wife started serious spankings. For a while, the blood stopped her. It doesn't anymore. She wipes it away with a wet washcloth and continues. She's found that leather paddle or strap delays the blood.

    She's adopted the DWC timed-spanking. She uses Alexa to set a ten-minute timer for my spanking. She continues until the timer goes off. Usually, she continues a few minutes longer. If I've committed more than one offense, she adds five minutes for each additional one. That's very painful.

    We've found that by using the timer, my spankings are consistently painful. Rarely, she will end one early. That happened the other day. I hadn't been spanked in 30 days and was yelping loudly. She took mercy on me and stopped after about six minutes. Normally, she disregards my reactions and continues so that I get full measure.

    She's been using the timed spanking method for a few months now. I have to admit that it is absolutely effective. Aside from the obvious damage she does, the knowledge that I have to endure until the timer goes off adds an additional dimension of helplessness. She straps me to our spanking bench as an additional assurance that punishment is completely out of my control.

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    1. Lion wrote: “she’s been using the timed spanking method for a few months now. I have to admit that it is absolutely effective”

      This is a classic case of “different strokes for different folks” We tried the timer a few times but it didn’t work for either of us. She likes to go with the flow and I go into endurance mode similar to squeezing out that last mile on the tread mill (I CAN do this!)

      For me, it’s not knowing how long it will go on that plays a huge emotional role. That helps me to let go and not fight what is happening. But if I do know I will try to grit my way through it, in the process destroying the benefit of her discipline. She could use a timer herself without me knowing she was using it or how long it was set for. But it’s not her thing either.

      If you wanted to make a very bad pun, you could say we had no time for a timer.
      Alan

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    2. Alan, I can see how using a timer might lead to going into "endurance mode," though I also suspect I'd have a hard time anticipating how close we are getting to the timer going off. I find that I really lose my ability to track time when in the middle of a spanking. I even have a very hard time tracking the number of swats. I've tried, but I almost always end up losing count and giving up at some point.

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    3. Caged said: "Dan, like you, my buns have no fat." - I unfortunately can't say the same. In fact, a good share (most) of my disciplinary spankings are due to missing weight loss goals. And most of my spankings stop because of spotting and bruising, so I guess you could say that the condition of my bottom is both the cause of most of my spankings and also that which causes most spankings to end!

      -ZM

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    4. ZM, I guess that disproves my theory that is my lack of fat that is causing the spotting.

      Good luck on those weight loss goals.

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    5. I think my spotting is 99% due to my heavy wooden paddle with holes. I have told her that if she doesn't want to stop early due to spotting, maybe better to save that one for closer to the end. Holes make a paddle more scary looking and may or may not cause harder impact (kind of hard to say), but they definitely cause a lot more surface damage.

      -ZM

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    6. If the holes in the paddle aren't beveled, the sharp edges of the holes can cut the skin and cause some bleeding. The same paddle without holes is just as severe (it's a myth that holes stop wind resistance)reduce spotting.

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  8. For us a spanking is over once she feels she has made her point , which can take a while.
    Sometimes I may be over her lap for a good half hour or so , but of course that is not all spanking , she does a lot of scolding, lecturing and reminding me of why I am over her lap.
    Because she pauses s lot , there is no numbing but my butt is very red and burning by the time she is done.
    She does not like marking so stops well before that is visible to her.
    Mainly she uses the hairbrush , but switches to a paddle which always tskes me by surprise as it has a completely different effect and is much louder.
    She gets a lot more ouches and ows from me with that.
    Just having to lie over her lap for that length of time while being lectured and scolded is humiliating and effective.
    She will also ask me questions as she spanks like "Are you going to interrupt me again?"
    "No Ma'am!"
    She can tell by the shakiness in my voice that she is making her point.
    I Start off pretty cocky but my tone is a lot different 20 minutes or so into it.

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    1. 20 to 30 minutes is definitely a lot longer than we'd normally go. As I said to Alan, above, I have a very hard time tracking the passage of time while being spanked, but I do think most of ours are in the 5 to 7 minute range.

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    2. She takes her time and sort of delivers it in phases as it is usually multiple offences. I would say it's about 60% verbal and 40% spanking.
      What would your % split be?

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    3. She's pretty much all business, other than a minute or two at the beginning. To the extent there is any split, it's probably 2% verbal, 98% spanking.

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    4. I can relate, much the same in our home. Scolding is done as she spanks. Any questions are largely rhetorical, as she keeps on spanking without giving me a chance to answer. --al

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    5. I would prefer to get down to business and get it over with like you but she obviously has other ideas.
      Of course I may change my mind after getting spanked for 7 minutes non stop!

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    6. For my wife, scolding seems to go in waves. In the beginning, she did almost none. Then, she went through a period where she really embraced scolding, both before (to the point that I was dying for the spanking to just begin to end the scolding/talking) and during (which is particularly effective). Now, interestingly enough, she has pulled back from scolding as much. It may just be because recently I haven't gotten any true punishment spankings where she has some emotion to vent.

      -ZM

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    7. Scolding has gone in waves for us too, and it's one of those things where the reality didn't match the expectation. I once thought that scolding before would put me in a more compliant mood. But, it doesn't really work like that for me. Like you, I find myself "dying for the spanking to just begin" but not because the scolding is especially effective. There have been one or two times when it has gotten to me emotionally in a way that was effective at humbling me and emphasizing why I was being spanked, but it has tended to be at times when I was already feeling very contrite and embarrassed about something I'd done.

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    8. I agree about the reality vs expectation for scolding. At least the pre-spanking scolding doesn't do all that much for me if it goes on too long. I don't know how to describe it, but I think it is a lot like teenagers feel when their parents go on and on about something. And the fact that I know a spanking is coming makes me just want to get on with it to get the whole ordeal over with and done. Lecturing during spanking can be highly effective, but she hasn't done much of that for a long time.

      "There have been one or two times when it has gotten to me emotionally in a way that was effective at humbling me and emphasizing why I was being spanked, but it has tended to be at times when I was already feeling very contrite and embarrassed about something I'd done." - I think that my feelings of guilt - or lack thereof - plays a huge role for me. Probably the reason both that she hasn't scolded all that much recently and also the reason that whatever scolding she has done hasn't had that much impact when she has scolded is because I just haven't done (or been punished for) all that many things in the past year or two that I felt all that bad about or that she was really all that upset about. So the scolding seems pretty fake in a way.

      -ZM

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    9. When your wives starting mixing in scolding, did you have to encourage them in any way? Or were the results they were achieving speaking for themselves?

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    10. MW, I don't have a clear recollection about it, but I think I did encourage her to try scolding more.

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  9. This issue of length of the spanking is interesting. Most of mine have probably been in that 5 -7 minute range but some have been longer and a few shorter. On that basis I would probably argue that shorter spankings are more about punishment and longer more about discipline.

    Depending upon the woman and the instrument used, a disciplinarian can deliver up to 300 smacks in 5 minutes or so. That for us would be a very severe and rare spanking and I would guess that 75 to 100 (with brush or leather strap) is close to average. Thus my wife could (and has) given me a serious spanking in 2 -3 minutes.

    So if a spanking goes on 10, 15 or even 30 or more minutes, what is happening in addition to the spanking is a lot of scolding , lecturing and teaching , and that is why I think of them as more disciplinary then punitive. It not that you don’t have a very warm bottom after one of these but that you have the warm bottom plus an emotional/psychological experience that’s likely to stay with you and effect your behavior long after the marks or bruises from the spanking are gone.

    I don’t know if I read it or it came from one of our friends back in the day, but something a woman said about this has stayed with me. Paraphrasing her, she said that she could make any man cry with nothing more than her hand if she kept him OTK for 45 minutes or so.

    I don’t know if that is true and we haven’t done it but imagine the psychological impact of being over her lap that long assuming it was disciplinary. Add to that scene the reality that most of us are punished with one tool or another, probably paddle or strap or even a cane – and it’s not hard to imagine the emotional impact of a half hour or more of that

    It sounds like I am saying that the longer spankings are always more effective but I am not. It all depends on the objective of the spanking and the style of the disciplinarian. The reality probably is that the purpose of most spanking is really punishment. She is not really trying to teach you for the 23rd time how much she hates it when you throw a tantrum or disobey an order. She is simply punishing you and she knows how to get that done pretty fast if she needs to. But when she is really trying to teach or a new attitude is badly needed, then the longer drawn out session might work better.
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan,
      Great points and I agree that when she is really trying to send a message, such as a chronically repeating offence the amount of time I spend over her lap increases.
      I must say it is effective and I find myself being more 'motivated not to repeat that offence.
      The way she scolds and lectures is very effective also as she will prompt me with questions I am compelled to answer and confess my guilt.
      Having to strip and lie over her lap for 30 minutes or more really puts her in the control position and like you I am soon wishing the verbalizinb would stop and get the spanking over with.
      I'm pretty sure she is quite enjoying herself also and is happy to stretch out the event.

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    2. Glenmore wrote:“The way she scolds and lectures is very effective also as she will prompt me with questions I am compelled to answer and confess my guilt.”

      Nothing makes me a truth teller like being interrogated about my behavior while in this position. It’s not that otherwise I would tell her a direct lie but I might omit something if she didn’t ask. But over her lap when she asks “is there anything else you want to tell me”, I just become a bubbling brook.

      I have even outed myself after she had spanked me already and asked if there was anything else. There was and I knew it would bring a second spanking but out it comes anyway. I was brought up catholic (now recovering) and it is a lot like going to confession – you just want to get it all out.

      These long sessions overlap are not usual for us, so if they were maybe I would become a little more discreet but there is something about being interrogated in that position that just opens the flood gates for me
      Alan

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    3. My wife is all business. She doesn't pause other than to change implements or position. She never scolds me. Sometimes she asks me why I'm being punished and I have to tell her. Once she starts the timer, it's all painful swats.

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    4. CL, our is similar with respect to asking me why I'm being punished and requiring me to respond with some specificity. If fact, she did that three nights ago when I got the first spanking of 2022.

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    5. Dan my wife will ask me before the spanking , during the spanking and at the end of the spanking. " Tell why you are getting this" I found out early on that "because you want to " wasn't a smart answer. BTW what earned you a spanking 3 night ago.
      LJ

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    6. Congrats to Anne for setting the tone for 2022....I hope it was a doozie!
      I agree with LJ that you have to resist the urge for a 'smartass' (pardon the pun) response to her questions!

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  10. Hi Alan,
    I expect that you are right about any spankings more than about 5-7 minutes probably consists of a lot of lecturing. And I wouldn't be surprised if what you paraphrased is true: "...she said that she could make any man cry with nothing more than her hand if she kept him OTK for 45 minutes or so." I am more and more convinced that the key to reaching a point of emotional surrender - whether accompanied by tears or not - is first and foremost time. I just think that many people, especially guys, cannot move that fast emotionally and it takes time to break down emotional barriers. This is more the job of 50 minutes than 5 minutes.

    I also agree that the length of a spanking depends on the objective of the spanking and the style of the disciplinarian, and in and of itself, duration is not the only predictor of effectiveness. Where I vary from you and maybe from the norm is that most of my spankings are disciplinary, rather than punishment. I am not necessarily convinced that scolding is less common in disciplinary spankings. In the scenario you said "She is not really trying to teach you for the 23rd time how much she hates it when you throw a tantrum or disobey an order," I agree that she might not be trying to teach how she feels, but she might be very inclined to scold on and on because of the frustration of having to discipline or punish me so many times for the same basic thing.

    Anyway, love your insightful comments as always!

    -ZM

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    1. I wonder if the length of the spanking is related to just how much is she enjoying it?
      The sense of power must be intoxicating for her and I notice her tone is not one of anger but almost amusement sometimes.
      Another potential topic? How much is she enjoying the spanking , andbisvit so much that the doesn't want it to end? Is she disappointed at having to stop s spanking because our butt is marking up? Or is she proud of a job well done in making sure we won't sit comfortably for days afterwards?

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    2. Hi Glen,
      I agree absolutely. And I like the topic idea as well. I can say that for my wife, she likes to spank, and generally she is at least somewhat disappointed at having to stop because of the condition of my bottom, especially if she feels the message wasn't fully delivered. And then after she is done, she is pleased to see some bruising and redness, and often asks later to see the results. However, she is usually very disappointed to see just how quickly my bottom almost miraculously heals. It will be interesting to see what happens the next time that she is really mad, since I think she will be encouraged rather than deterred by the damage, and then I might really find sitting to be uncomfortable for some days.

      -ZM

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  11. Hi ZM,

    Thanks for the extended comment. I have not really done a lot of thinking about time as a key variable in the DD relationship and so it opens a whole new dimension. I think I might ask my wife if she wants to try the "45 minute" version some time. She tends to take her time now while always making sure she gets the job done. But the extended time OTK might not be her cup of tea. I do agree with you very much about the emotional barriers and the time it takes. And the very best Dd experiences we have had is when she has stripped away some of those.
    Alan

    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan,
      The stripping away of emotional barriers might well be one of the subconscious desires that drives so much of my fascination with spankings and DD. I think deep down, I realize I need those barriers to be reduced, but on a conscious level, it is more than a little scary when I feel it happening. But whenever any of those barriers are broken down, even momentarily, we share intimacy that is unlike any other I have ever felt.

      -ZM

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    2. ZM wrote “I need those barriers to be reduced, but on a conscious level, it is more than a little scary when I feel it happening.”
      It is very scary but opening that door put you in touch with a deep part of yourself that really seems spiritual to me and as important creates an intimacy of two souls (I should explain I am not religious in any establishment sense. I think organized religion “on balance: has historically been much more a force for repression and intolerance.

      But home sapiens have spiritual impulses which are real albeit too often hi jacked by divisive establishment religious doctrines and beliefs. Spankings and discipline can drill down to these human levels, open. Them up and provide a transcendent physical and emotional experience for a couple experiencing them. The trick is peeling away all those defenses and I have come to belie that is much more emotional and mental than physical.

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  12. For us it’s a process. When Dev says “ you’re getting a spanking” this starts a series of four A’s. The first A is the Announcement. I know I’m in for a “ discussion “. The second A is the Anticipation. For me it’s extremely difficult. It may occur in a few minutes or a few hours. She’ll tell me to wait in our room and she’ll be in later to address the issue. The waiting kills me. When she finally enters, she sits down and calls me over. She always asks “ do you know why you’re getting this spanking “. It’s humiliating but after I answer I get into position and the Application is given. They usually last in the seven minute range but a few “ discussions “ lasted longer depending on the issue at hand. The final A is the After effects. The burning , stinging , throbbing. All vary depending on a hairbrush or paddle that was used. She’s careful not to cause too much damage but bruising has occurred on many occasions. It goes with the territory. JR.

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  13. "The second A is the Anticipation. For me it’s extremely difficult. It may occur in a few minutes or a few hours." That happens with us, too. Though without the waiting in the room. I think it actually makes it harder that she doesn't tell me to go somewhere and wait for her, because it means that I can spend most of a day wondering, each and every time she enters a room I'm in, whether she is coming in to announce that it is time for the spanking.

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  14. My punishments are measured by a large egg timer that is supposed to be three minutes but I measured at nearly a minute more than that as I was awaiting her appearance one day. How long depends on the offence and how long it has been since the last session. She usually starts with the strap and then sets the timer after the first few strokes - I have no idea why - and often forgets to set it until it feels like we are some way into the punishment. It then gets turned over for a second go at which point she will often swap the strap for the black cane which is very dense and really hurts after the strap. So I guess about 6 - 7 minutes before she starts to feel her work is done. About half the time I get away with a single run of the timer.

    More important however, is the stroke speed and how hard each one is. Again this will depend on the cause and length of time since last session. She never starts easy and the first minute or so I find almost unbearable, and then I almost settle into it, still highly painful but more bearable. When she is really focussed or cross she will get into a metronomic rhythm that seems interminable - Like Dan, I have tried to count the strokes but lose concentration whilst trying to hold it together. During a long session I welcome the increasing semi-numbness that occurs although that always means that sitting will be uncomfortable for a couple of days.

    The timer sits prominently on my bedside table and has prompted questions in the past. TB

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    1. "She never starts easy and the first minute or so I find almost unbearable, and then I almost settle into it, still highly painful but more bearable." Same here.

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