Monday, May 17, 2021

The Club - Meeting 375 - Instruments

"For those who are given to excess, abstinence is easier than moderation." - John Drybred

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships, mainly of the Female/male variety.  I hope you had a good week.

 

Well, I think last week will go down in history as the week the pandemic ended in the U.S.  Not “ended” ended, of course.  But, the week it ceased to be the defining fact around which so much of our life revolved.  The CDC announced that fully vaccinated people no longer need to wear a mask.  While many of the businesses I’ve been into this week still have signs requiring them, my gym—which has been very conservative and responsible throughout the pandemic—ended its mandate and took down the temperature screener it had installed at the front desk. 

 

Like so many big, complex, nuanced events, this one brought out the best and the worst in so many people.  I’d say this meme pretty much sums up whatever wisdom I take away from a year of lockdowns.

 

 

I admit I’m a little nonplussed at how little life changed in some ways and that a year of lockdown didn’t result in some profound change in the way I feel about, well, life in general.   

 

 

Though, at a practical level a few things did change, mostly for the better.  I seem to be one of the few people who can say that I actually lost weight over the pandemic, so thankfully I never experienced this:

 

Unlike so many, I managed to shed a couple of pant sizes over the last year, and so far I am keeping it off.  Also, and perhaps relatedly, while alcohol consumption soared across the nation during the lockdown, mine actually dropped pretty substantially. Though, there have been some troubling relapses lately.  (More on that below.)

I can’t say I will mess all the electronic team building and happy hours, though going back to the office will be a drag for many and may require some readjustment.

 

 

It would not bother me one bit to never, ever participate in another Zoom team meeting.  My inner introvert never liked meetings anyway, and Zoom meetings were even worse.  At least physical meetings during the pandemic were kept short, small and distanced.  Though, I had to laugh at this cartoon that I came across shortly after reading Liz’s latest story about Art’s arrogant behavior at work.  Maybe liberal mask wearing in meetings might literally have saved his ass? 

 


 

And, was mask wearing really all that bad?  It was almost like a fun fashion trend.

 



Thank god I was too old and committed to have to deal with dating, and its consequences, during a pandemic.

 

 

So, life is getting back to normal.  Unfortunately, so is some of my bad behavior.  I talked last time about the fact that after many weeks of relative temperance I kind of fell of the wagon.  It happened again last week.  To some extent, that’s happening because I’ve been in the process of transitioning away from work, and that has created its own surge in socializing.  But, I definitely do not want my new normal to look like my old normal. And, honestly, I really can’t let it.  For years I’ve had to deal periodically with some nagging health issues, basically a constellation of “chronic fatigue” or fibromyalgia-like symptoms, with period bouts of fatigue, joint pain, digestive problems, etc.  The irritating thing is, lately even when I am relatively good on average, if I have one slip up on diet or drinking or exercise, everything seems to go to shit.  It’s like I have to live like a Buddhist monk just to have a shot at feeling somewhat healthy.  It really is irritating as all fuck, though I suspect I have myself to blame by virtue of burning the candle at both ends for so many years.  Even back in high school I was living like I was on borrowed time.  I suspect when you spend 40 years digging an energetic hole, it takes more than a few months of relatively healthy behavior to pull yourself back out again.   

 

 

For those reasons, ZM and Something Random’s discussion about DD and maintaining health resonated with me, especially this from ZM:

 

“DD for health-related things is a very good idea. While it might seem a bit extreme to give a spanking for missing a pill or two, often these small patterns are what ultimately lead to poor health. An extra piece of cake or two here, not getting enough exercise this week because life got busy, not taking medicine when needed, etc. Since the marriage long term kind of requires both partners to be alive, I think it is a totally valid use of DD to help ensure that your spouse will be around for many happy and healthy years to come.”

 

Agreed 100%. However, I didn’t really feel like building a hole topic around that this week.  (Feel free to comment, however, on whether you have used DD to address health issues or behavior that has a bearing on health.)  Instead, I was feeling kind of lazy and uninspired, so I thought I would default to a very concrete topic that will probably bore the hell out of some of our long-term commenters but might give some insight to folks who are new to DD or thinking about trying it.  Last week, we had several comments about spanking implements.  When we first started DD, I had no idea how effective any particular element might be (or not be), and I had no idea where to find quality instruments or even what a quality instrument might look like.  I do remember the flimsiness of the first brush I bought for her.  It was laughably ineffective, and it sounds like Tomy had a similar experience.  It was only with a lot of experimentation over the coming months and years that I developed some strong views on what works and what either doesn’t work or, in some cases, works a little too well.  Yet, as my thoughts about the session with the hairbrush indicate, even today I can be forced to reevaluate some of those opinions.  Prior to that session, I was very skeptical about whether a hairbrush, no matter how heavy and solid, could deliver a spanking that I would truly be desperate to end.  Now I know it can, and she wasn’t even trying that hard.

 

So, tell us about your preferences around instruments.  Do you have one “go-to” instrument, or do you incorporate several into your disciplinary activities?  Do you use more than one per session?  Are there instruments you have found to work especially well?  Are there others you have tried that were either ineffective or, conversely, just too much?

 

To kick things off, I often think we have too many instruments at this point and too many are used in a given session.  It seems like sometimes just when it is building up to something that is genuinely pushing my limits, she will stop and switch to something else. Often something not as effective.  I’ve thought about suggesting that she just pick one per session and really use it to full effect. Though, I don’t think that would really work with the vast majority of our wooden paddles, as they all seem to result in a high degree of numbness after maybe 20 – 30 swats.  After that point is reached, they really aren’t accomplishing very much.

 

I’ve become a big believer in leather straps over the years. They seem to me to be the perfect combination of severe, but not too severe, and no many how many times she brings one down on my ass, there is very little numbness.  While I’ve bought a few over the years, her go-to looks a lot like this:

 

 

It's from the London Tanners, which is a great source for leather implements. It wasn't cheap, but the quality is great and it will last forever.   

 

A couple of years ago, Tomy was kind enough to share with me another strap from the DWC collection that looks deceptively mild.  It is pretty short – almost more of a leather paddle than a strap.  It isn’t long enough to really strike both cheeks at once, and that is exactly what makes it some ungodly painful.  The end of the strap always seems to find its way right between the cheeks, which is really excruciating.

 

We also have tried rubber straps, but they fit into a category that I was once not sure existed, i.e. they are too severe.  I’m not sure why they are so much worse than leather, but they are.  In addition to inflicting really unreasonably sharp pain, they were very prone to cutting and tearing the skin.  After trying several, I finally threw them all way. Way too many spankings came to an abrupt end after a rubber strap cut into the skin, which is counterproductive to teaching a real lesson. So, Anne fully agreed with the decision to get rid of them.

 

Then there is the bath brush.  Anne doesn’t use it every session, but it definitely is use in a lot of them.  Belle forward me this picture. It’s not the same brand that we have, but the size and shape are pretty similar.

 

 

If a couple had to choose only one instrument, the bath brush should be high up on the list of contenders.  It is very painful – far more than most hairbrushes.  The combination of a wide—but not too wide—head and longer handle can deliver a truly memorable spanking. I also don’t tend to get numb nearly as fast with the bath brush than with a larger paddle.

 

Those are my initial thoughts on instruments.  Please share some of yours.

 

Have a great week.

 

PS: Received these from Tomy in relation to his comment below regarding a recent gift from his daughter:

 




75 comments:

  1. Bath Brush, my wife firmly believes it brings the best results, and the after last longer.

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  2. We do not have a bath brush...thank goodness. It seems here the leather belt gets used most often. Various wood paddles get their fair share of usage. She is very good at varying the toys used and most are used often. About 2 years ago, a fellow sub actually dared me to try rubber implements saying that take spanking to a whole other level. Being adventuresome or a fool, I ordered a matching set of rubber strap and paddle from Cane-iak. At first she was hesitant on using them, but now I am paddled and strapped with the rubber implements rather often.

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    1. My wife doesn't tend to use belts very much, and that's too bad because they can be very effective and are right up there with the hair brush in terms of being such a classic DD instrument, and one that can be left in plain sight.

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    2. I can't figure out the belt. You double it over and it's awkward. Leave it long and it's too long. And I don't have a really wide one.

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    3. Yeah, ultimately, while iconic it's probably not nearly as easy to use as a strap.

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    4. My wife too has never really enjoyed using a belt, which is quite interesting because where we live (and where she was raised) a belt is the usual go-to tool for spanking. But as Belle says, belts are just awkward and hard to swing effectively.

      We have never had a proper spanking strap, but would like to get one since they seem to be a pretty great instrument for administering long, painful spankings.

      -ZM

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    5. I think the reason I personally have such a strong reaction to the belt and think of it as among the truly iconic instruments is, as with your wife, it was the go-to tool for spanking where I was raised. Paddles were really a school thing, and as far as I know hair brushes were not a thing at all. For anything other than hand spankings, it was really always a belt.

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    6. Husbands/Dads probably know how to use the belt because they got it so often. Wives/Moms not so much (if at all).
      Belle

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  3. Aunt Kay usually switched up implements during a session. I never asked, but I believe it was for her enjoyment to have variety.

    I won't even begin to discuss which was which regarding her super-extensive implement collection. It's way too complex. But that damned bath brush - so much leverage for her and so much OUCH for me.

    I've told this before. Since I kept the bathroom clean and in order, I always made a point to NOT have one of those in the shower. Instead I kept a supply of clean loofah sponges. Which did me zero good, since she was so damn smart and missed nothing and that one of her bath brushed appeared much too often for spanking me.

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    1. We seem to have complete agreement that the bath brush is something wives seem to love and we recipients mostly hate.

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    2. What's not to love? Get your pants down, 30-60 seconds of rapid whacks with the bath brush, and you're good for a week! You can't beat that effectiveness!

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    3. Definitely a hard to beat mix of effectiveness and easy of use, and you can leave it displayed in plain sight.

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    4. I pretty much hate the bathbrush, but I sure agree about it's effectiveness. The one we bought is super heavy. I am not sure of the brand, but something European.

      -ZM

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    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. Her 'go to' right now is a ping pong paddle with the rubber backing removed to expose the wood.
    She has had it for a while but rarely used it ,preferring the hairbrush , but a few spankings ago she used it during an otk session and really liked it.
    In fact when she heard the loud crack it made and my reaction she exclaimed , "Oh! That was good !"
    I wonder if the sound a particular implement makes when connecting , and the reaction it produces has something to do with her preference? I would say yes.
    This paddle gives her the reaction she seeks vs the hairbrush.

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    1. Sounds definitely do vary a lot. We've never used a ping pong paddle.

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    2. Glenmore, I would bet that your wife's preference for the ping pong paddle is based on the sound it makes because I am the same way, as I have explained in a separate post.
      Danielle

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    3. It does have a nice crisp sound and it stings worse than a hairbrush , I think she likes the reaction she gets from me when she uses it. She usually surprises me with it by starting with the brush and then the paddle.

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    4. My wife loves the sounds that paddles make. Unfortunately (at least for her) they have been pretty much off the table for the past year or so because of our living arrangements and because the whole world just seemed to go quiet when COVID hit, so the noise made, while satisfying to her, pretty much prevented her from using them, at least to full effect.

      -ZM

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    5. The noise level around us did not change that much during Covid, but a couple of the very urban environments I've been in at the height of the pandemic were eerily quiet.

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  5. The one husband fears most is the Brown Spanking Paddle. It's nothing special. The paddle part is just under 18 inches or so, the handle's just under 6 inches or so. It's got a brown stain, so that's where the name comes from. It has a special place for me because it's the first implement that brought tears and sobs. Now any implement brings tears but the Brown Spanking Paddle broke him. When I give husband the order to bring it, it gets the most begging out of him. I used to use it all the time, but, now I use it only when he's earned a severe Disciplinary Session.

    I use several implements in a session and usually each one has a "purpose". The "main" implement is usually a hair brush or a bath brush. I have one of those older, larger and heavier hairbrushes that I found in an antique store. I also use a tawse and a leather paddle. I will substitute a belt or different paddles from time to time. A couple of Professional Dominatrixes who did regular outcalls at the hotel advised me to vary the implements from time to time so he wouldn't get used to one or another.

    If on the spot discipline is necessary or I don't have time for a proper session, I'll use a cane or riding crop. I've gotten up to 18 strokes of the cane, so it can't last long. I can't do either cane or crop a lot, since it takes longer for his rear end to recover.

    The Brown Spanking Paddle also helps to humble him, so I'll use it a lot when there's a witness. Even if there's witness, he'll beg me just as much as if it was just the 2 of us. I let the begging go on a little more than usual just to humble him. I encourage the witness to comment on his begging when I finally silence him and remind him I said to bring me the Brown Spanking Paddle. I also encourage the witness to comment on him sobbing.

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    1. I didn't mention belts, but there is another truly iconic instrument.

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    2. "Even if there's witness, he'll beg me just as much as if it was just the 2 of us. I let the begging go on a little more than usual just to humble him. I encourage the witness to comment on his begging when I finally silence him and remind him I said to bring me the Brown Spanking Paddle. I also encourage the witness to comment on him sobbing." I am just jealous. That is the part of the witness experience I want to experience.

      -ZM

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    3. The most frequent witness is my best friend. She and husband never liked each other, but that's what a lady's best friend is for. I've had to discipline husband a couple of times for being rude to her. I admit she can be a __________ some times, but that makes it even more humbling for husband. I don't have to tell her anymore to comment. She loves commenting on his pretty dresses and lingerie, his red bottom his sobbing and begging.

      Husband's second Disciplinary Session after our holiday hiatus was for being rude to her. She really enjoyed witnessing it and was full of comments.

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  6. A wooden bath/clothes/hairbrush is definitely the most dreaded implement I have experienced when over the knee, and I'd say even rivals a cane overall!

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    1. I would agree the bath brush is worse than the cane, though for whatever reason my wife has always struggled to make the cane very effective.

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    2. I had to learn how to use the cane. Husband has a hard limit against blood. I was afraid of breaking the skin. I asked one of the Pro Dommes who came to the hotel frequently and she was happy to help. She taught me how to use the cane effectively and had me practice on oranges. She also told me to work my way up. Start with 6 and when I was confident with 6, go to 12, but go up 6 at a time.

      The bath brush is very good at letting your husband know you're displeased with his conduct and also discouraging bad conduct in the future. It's also versatile. I can move up on the handle and use it when he's across my lap. I can require him to bend over or assume the diapering position, move out on the handle and deliver an impactful message to his bare bottom. While I think a belt, strap or tawse is more effective if I make him stand up straight with his hands at his sides, I can use the bath brush and get tears. I can also use it for his end of session promises to be good. The long handle means I don't have to lean over to give full impact, since he's usually on all 4s or his knees and bent over.

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    3. I haven't figured out how to ccmfortably move up on the handle to use the bath brush OTK. It keeps slipping. I'd like something almost as thick as a bath brush but with a shorter handle. Maybe that's an old-fashioned hairbrush, but I wish the head was as big as the bath brush. Who wants to make me a short-handled bath brush?

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    4. It doesn't slip out of my hand when I move up on the handle. I asked husband about it and he said it does happen to some people. He said to suggest wrapping some electrical tape or duck tape around the part of the handle you want to grab for across the lap use

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  7. Devs go to implement is her Spenser paddle that she used a few weeks ago. Sunday she used a hairbrush. Since I’m out of shape it was pretty effective. We also have a long handled bath brush but hasn’t been used in a while. The last time was memorable tho. JR

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    1. There seems to be a consensus developing regarding the efficacy of the bath brush

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  8. We have a huge collection of instruments we've acquired over the years. Mrs. Lion has found a couple that she prefers. One is the spanking spoon made by Sporkwood. His stuff is available on Etsy. We have at least six of his implements. All are heavy and seriously painful. The spoon leaves bruises I feel for days. We have some inexpensive rubber (conveyor belt material) straps that are seriously painful. She likes to use them too.

    I bought some really nice paddles from John Hanson. One of them, the Ferrule is a long-handled paddle with a 3-inch round face. Ours is made of bloodwood. It used to be the most painful tool. However, the Sporkwood spanking spoon has replaced it as the device that makes me howl loudest.

    I bleed during every spanking. We can't figure out why, but I do. Mrs. Lion keeps a wet washcloth handy to remove the blood. She's learned that blood isn't a reason to end my lesson early. There are no visible cuts and the blood stops immediately with no scabs. We don't know why I react this way.

    Dan, can you tell me more about the short DWC strap? One area Mrs. Lion wants to reach is inside my crack. She knows how much that hurts.

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    1. It's about 14 inches in total length, with the business end about 4.5" x 6", with 12 holes, made of very thick leather. The manufacturers name (M. Campbell) is stamped on it. I googled it and found this picture. https://picclick.co.uk/A-Leather-Paddle-Made-By-M-Campbell-Of-391999926021.html

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  9. Here are our tools sorted by the purchase location:

    Bed, Bath and Beyond
    Two identical blue plastic hairbrushes. They're light but they pack a sting, and are an OTK favorite of my wife.

    Home Goods
    A long wooden spatula, the king of the kitchen implements. Generally used when I'm bent over the counter, it's as close to a bath brush as I'd like to get.

    Michaels Crafts
    An even longer wooden, almost fraternity-style paddle that my wife has painted and adorned with my name. Her masterpiece, though it's gets more use for it's visual impact - honestly I'm a little freaked out about that much wood near my spine.

    Leatherthorn Etsy Store
    A beautiful blue M1 strap, useful in any position - as you described, Dan, a 'just right' tool.

    Joann Crafts
    A long purple silicon spatula. Fast, painful and safe in all positions. I suggested we name it after the store, which just happens to be an old girlfriend's name. That suggestion resulted in its extensive use on me!

    As you can see, shopping is always a source of inspiration, along with exciting and painful memories.
    CrimsonKing

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    1. CK, I'm sorry to laugh at your misfortune. But I'm imagining you getting blindsided due to your humor being in "bad taste". Been there too many times myself.

      "Bring me the Joann Craft." Ha Ha

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    2. Not exactly blindsided - I knew it was a risky joke, but wow!
      CrimsonKjng

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    3. Leatherthorn definitely makes some nice looking pieces.

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  10. Danielle here:

    My spanking instruments are as follows:

    Hairbrushes are my favorite. They seem so traditional. They can be openly displayed because presumably they are just hairbrushes. They are perfect for OTK but work well in other positions. They are handy and can be carried in a purse in case discipline is needed on the road. Unfortunately, our dog chewed the handle off my favorite hairbrush a while ago.

    I have a decorative cutting board with a handle that works well. It is effectively a spanking paddle because that’s the only thing we use it for, but we can display it in the kitchen. I think Wayne likes the cutting board paddle better than the hairbrushes because the larger surface area gives it less of a bite. Glenmore mentioned that his wife likes using a ping pong paddle because of the satisfying sound it makes. This cutting board paddle makes a similarly loud sound, which I like. If I wanted a spanking to be overheard by someone, I would use the cutting board.

    The implement my husband likes the least is the heavy leather strap he made himself. I like the irony of that. In the past I used the strap sparingly, saving it for serious punishment. Ever since my husband confessed that he went to a professional disciplinarian to experience the kind of spanking that would instill fear, however, I have been following routine spankings with a dose of the strap. At least that way he can’t complain that I didn’t hurt him enough. A standard spanking now begins with a brief hand spanking, then progresses to cutting board, hairbrush, then strap. The first three parts are done OTK on the ottoman in the living room. For the finale with the strap, I have him bend forward with his arm resting on the mantle over the fireplace. When I follow a spanking with the strap, I use a pair of dice to determine the number of strokes. Doubles get doubled, as in backgammon, so the possible numbers range from 3 to 24. I like the suspense of neither of us knowing how many strokes of the strap he is going to get on his already well-spanked bottom. He doesn't see me role the dice, so he doesn't know how many strokes he is getting until I've finished.

    I have some other implements my husband has given me over the years. One is a sort of flogger with a bunch of leather lashes attached to a wooden handle. I think it’s called a martinet. I also have a fake riding crop he got in a sex shop. I rarely use those things because to me they seem more like sex toys than tools for DD, and they make me feel like a dominatrix rather than a wife.

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    1. A cutting board paddle is an interesting idea! We don't have one with a handle, but I'm going to look. Anybody know what stores carry the handle ones? I'd actually like to hold it rather than ordering it online.

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    2. I get what Wayne means about less surface area yielding more bite, but it doesn't always work that way. After several years of this, I still really can't figure out the physics of paddles and brushes. The bath brush has a larger surface area than a hair brush, but it usually hurts more because the longer handle seems to allow for a more aggressive swing, or it translates more of the swing to the target. We have some paddles that hurt way more than the bath brush, but it is a "thuddier," deeper pain. Yet, some paddles of the same size are not nearly as painful. It seems like narrower paddles (less than about 4.5 inches) hurt more, and so do thinner paddles (maybe they are easier to swing hard??) We have one fraternity style paddle that, for wooden instruments, seems to me to be in the sweet spot. It's about 5 inches wide, 18 inches long, thick, without holes. It hurts a lot, but not so over the top that I'm just instantly going into "take it like a man" resistance mode.

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    3. Danielle here:

      Dan, I agree that the effect of different paddles and brushes may involve some complicated physics. The distribution of energy over a larger surface area is one element, but I guess the weight and thickness and consistency of the material are also factors. My husband has an idea that natural materials like wood and leather are good, and synthetic materials like plastic or synthetic leather are bad. You mention that some paddles are "thuddier" than others. That's a good point. I am nervous about using anything that makes a sound that is more like a "thud" than a "whack". Wayne already has one artificial hip, and I worry that anything heavy enough to land with a "thud" might do deep damage. The crisp whacking sound of my cutting board feels safe to me. We have a bath brush that I have never used for spanking because it has a fairly small and thick head, so the ratio of weight to surface area seems dangerous to me. I feel safe using the strap because it is flexible, so I can dish out a lot of pain with little risk of injury.

      Belle, I think most stores that carry kitchenware have paddle shaped cutting boards with handles, but some cutting boards are probably too thick and heavy. I think you are right to want to see how it feels in your hand before buying it. I think I have previously said my decorative cutting board paddle was a souvenir. That wasn't entirely accurate. (I have sometimes fudged little details out of fear of being recognized). The truth is more interesting. When I was young, I briefly did decorative painting on wood as a hobby. I bought the unfinished cutting board and a set of unfinished wooden coasters at a crafts shop. Then I painted and varnished them myself and gave them as a gift to my husband before we were married. I had no idea that my gift to him would someday be repurposed as a spanking paddle, but it now has a special place in my disciplinary toolbox because of that sentimental history.

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    4. I’m no expert, but with wooden implements, the pain (and quality of sensation) seems to rely a lot on the density of the wood. More dense, more sting. With heavy woods, a paddle can be made small, even quite thin, yet can cause a lot of sorrow if you’re not very masochistic. The advantage seems to be that the paddle doesn’t need to be big - the hardness of the wood compensates for less weight and thickness, and the impact of a more compact implement will be more highly focused.

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    5. It also occurs to me that, the lighter and smaller the implement, the speed of impact can be higher, and spanks administered at a faster pace than when swinging a big, heavy paddle. I think of the use of a small paddle as a spanking more than a paddling, and when the small paddle is dense and hard, but relatively small and light, it’s serious punishment. Growing up, I found a paddling at school was far preferable to one at home, and a major difference was the smaller paddle.

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    6. Danielle, I totally get changing some biographical details to help ensure anonymity in your real life.

      Brett, I do think the density of the wood plays a big role. Big, heavy paddles definitely can be deceptive in terms of presumed impact. They often look intimidating but aren't as painful as something smaller and lighter.

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  11. We use a cane, a hairbrush or a belt when my husband is to be disciplined. I know the cane hurts but I use it gently with some harder strokes for weekly discipline. It's often foreplay but I've caned my hubby's bottom good a few times for serious offenses, with his hands bound. I have given my husband a quick spanking with a wooden hairbrush and take it with us when we travel. I've strapped his bottom from time to time, and the last time I used it in a hard way was when he lied to me. I'm not always comfortable hitting for punishment. My husband has also been punished by being grounded so he could not do something with friends. I have added household chores to his duties as punishment. My husband does a lot for me, including most of the chores and cooking on the weekend. I don't overload him and he actually loves chores. Part of weekly discipline is to review his behavior and housework.
    Carol H.

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    1. I haven't ever grounded Jimmy. I know he would absolutely hate that and object to it, and I'm not ready for that battle.
      Additional chores is an idea. But I'm just getting him to go along with the chores he has recently agreed to do (but often gets spanked for not doing them, or at least not on my schedule). So more chores as punishment would likely lead to more spanking.

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    2. Belle,
      Grounding began in our home when my husband began procrastinating on two home projects. I'm very liberal with my husband on his hobbies and collectibles but I was NOT going to continue tolerating unfinished projects he made commitments to do. He does excellent work and I don't expect him to tackle jobs that are dangerous or beyond his abilities. But he was slipping up on a couple of messy projects and grounding him until the work was done was effective. He missed a chance to hike with his buddies one of the weekends I put my foot down and I never heard a peep from him. I give him time to camp with his buddies once or twice throughout the year. He doesn't want Mean Carol to end those outings, so he behaves. If he were married to my sister camping wouldn't even be an option for him. My husband is submissive and encouraged a FLR. It's how he's wired and he's wrapped around my finger. Your husband might just be a different personality type. As far as housework and extra chores, my husband is very agreeable though we discuss his chores at weekly discipline sessions.
      Carol H.

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    3. Carol and Belle, as I have said before, I like using non-spanking punishments like grounding, loss of privileges, early bedtimes, extra chores, etc., either on their own or in addition to spankings. I find it empowering to be able to discipline my husband in ways he didn’t ask for. I used to think of spanking as kinky punishment and other consequences as non-kinky punishment. But I now think that, for my husband, every form of punishment is kinky. He may not like it, but he submits because submission is his kink. Carol, your husband seems to be wired the same way as mine.
      Danielle

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    4. Submission is definitely not my husband's kink, and from the beginning of DD I have been concerned about messing with his swag, so I think we will just stick with spanking. I had no idea he had a spanking kink, and he didn't either. But erections don't lie. Likewise, I had no idea I would be turned on by the power exchange. But I don't want full power over him. I still need to know he is my big strong protector. The way it is now is perfect for us, and Dan's blog has been a big help. I wish more wives read it.

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    5. Danielle,
      I meant to answer sooner but we were on the road. Yes, it sounds like my husband is wired similarly. I spanked him lightly few times for foreplay when we were first married and created a monster. He seemed to grow a little more kinky as the years passed. When he was serious about a FLR-style marriage I figured, why not? He does the housework and I'm the boss. And he's happy.
      Carol H.

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  12. I started with the bath brush, which I guess is one of the most severe, so anything else I have tried seems like more of a toy than the real thing. I love the bath brush and Jimmy hates it, and I can understand why on both counts. For me, it gets his attention with the first swat. I don't have to give many swats or swing super hard (though I sometimes do) and the lesson is learned very quickly, which I like. Jimmy hates it, of course, because of the pain and the marks and bruises. By the third or 4th swat he is grunting and by about 10 he is apologizing and promising me everything under the sun, which is quite cute.

    As I told Dan, that picture of the girl holding the bath brush could just about be me except my boobs are way smaller. But the caption is what I believe.

    The thing is, I would like to have some kind of implement that is a little less severe but still makes a serious impression. I was thinking about a strap. But I also could use something that works OTK. Maybe that ebony hairbrush. I have tried to skinny flatback ones that you get in stores and they don't do anything. So I may need two more implements.

    We have not bought any implements. I have just tried things available around the house. Wooden spoon, beach slipper, belt. They just don't hurt enough, and the belt was hard to use. So I am open to suggestions, please! If it's an actual implement you buy, I think I'll make Jimmy do it. That will further enhance my authority.
    Belle

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    1. Oh. So that was NOT a photo of Belle. Phew. I had to resist mightily about making a comment that they sure looked store-bought :)

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    2. Tomy, my B cup is all natural!

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    3. Even having being married and all that it still gets me a little embarrassed. She got such a kick out of my being that way. (I had to look it up what a "B" actually means).

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    4. Well, Tomy, bra sizing can get really complicated but the baseline is a 34" rib cage (measured under the breasts), which I happen to be.Then you measure across the breasts, and the difference between that measurement and the rib cage is described by the letter, ranging from AA to H. A B-cup is bigger than AA and A but smaller than C-H, so I am on the small side though my husband likes them just fine.

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  13. I use a belt, actually his belt, most of the time. When we first graduated from hand spanking, he said he was really afraid of being hurt by hard implements. I don't want to hold back when I spank him so the belt was the compromise.

    Once I put him over a pillow, I swing as freely as I want. He of course has a safeword but he has never used it.

    I do other punishments as well. Grounding is an excellent way to remind him of his status as well as to get chores done. He does not have to tell his friends why he can't hang out with them but I love to listen to him call and back out of golfing or going to a ball game.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. I do think that one reason belts and straps can be just as painful if not more so than wooden instruments is the wife may be less reluctant to really cut loose with the leather instruments.

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    2. Oh, so I'm not supposed to cut loose with the bath brush? I'm sure Jimmy wishes someone told me sooner, haha.
      Belle

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  14. What a coincidence. Our current topic is implements and just yesterday my adult daughter came over for a visit and said "Here, I have a hairbrush for you." She has zero idea about Aunt Kay and my practices. It was simply a new brush for my hair.

    But as you will see from the photo (which I have sent separately for Dan to post)It's a VERY suitable design for OUR PURPOSES.

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  15. This is Liz. We use just one implement, a paddle that Art made for me to use on his behind. It is a school-style paddle. I respect him and am proud of him for making the implement that causes him so much pain. He even shaped the handle to fit my smaller hand. I have no reason to use or even try any other implement. We're both happy with the results of our DD!
    Liz

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    1. Definitely no reason to mess with something that seems to be working for you both.

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  16. We use the heavier, darker wood bath brush from Bed Bath & Beyond. In addition to being painful, the heavier brush doesn't make as much noise, while still stinging in addition to hitting deep. In the past we tried hairbrushes, but they were too light. We don't want to keep around anything that's unmistakably for spanking.

    It's a miracle that BB&Y sells that brush. Do they know they are the best spanko supply depot in town?

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    1. I can't speak to what BB&Y knows, but when I bought one from the Body Shop on-line, some of the comments were very clear about it's intended spanko use.

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  17. Hi Dan, Tommy Tucker here.

    For us it is the traditional school type rattan cane about 2.5 feet long and about 4mm in diameter with a purple leather bound handle. It is well waxed, quite dense, and very flexible. My wife Caroline is a keen tennis player and in her hands this cane is really something to be endured. She likes wearing a sleeveless tops or shirt from day to day, and especially when she plays tennis and so this is how she is usually dressed when it is time for me to face the music as she likes to say. She feels that the freedom this gives her right arm to swing the tennis racket or to swipe the cane through the air is a factor in her achieving a good hard clean stroke. She has often told me that what she likes about the cane is the dramatic swish and smack as it lands on my bared bottom. Although quite shocked by them at first, over time she has come to appreciate rather than to fear the swollen purple welts and weals that are a sign of a job well done. What Caroline likes most of all of course is the immediate change in my attitude which caning brings. It has an electrifying effect on me there and then and a salutary effect that lasts for several days afterwards - which come to think of it probably lasts for about as long as the stripes on my bottom. It can be up to three weeks before the stripes have faded which gives you some idea of how hard she will lay it on. We live in England and as we all know the English have a long tradition of using caning for corporal punishment. My wife and I both attended the same school in the 1970's when caning was still in use and so I think its fair to say that culturally, the cane has always been sort of there in our consciousness. I remember once seeing a boy caned in assembly in front of the whole year group. My wife Caroline didn't see that but remembers witnessing a number of spankings with the slipper in her school days.
    Bath brushes seem too thick and wooden and the one at BB&Y that is mentioned by MW almost seems like a club. A bath brush would lack the drama of that swish through the air. So it's always been the cane for us and always will be I think. Best wishes to all and thanks always to you Dan for keeping this fine blog going. I only comment once in a blue moon but my wife and I always read it and one day perhaps I will persuade Caroline to contribute.

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    1. It does seem like the cane is hard to beat when it comes to leaving long-lasting marks. There are times I wish my wife would experiment with them until she gets it right. They seem to have many advantages, including: (a) relatively silent, which would solve the problem ZM raises, above; (b) relatively easy to hide from prying eyes; and (c) leaves long-lasting marks.

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  18. Great (funny) pics this week! :)
    We started with the bath brush but my wife complained that it sent painful vibrations up her arm (!) - not nearly as painful as my end! I was 'advised' to find some more comfortable (for her) implements and so I bought a round headed black paddle and a leather strap from a fancy adult shop. The strap was useless - far too light and was clearly meant for fun rather than disciple, whereas that paddle was a beast - just light enough for her to use but it has a fearsome sting! She was very sad when it finally split into two (over use, I muttered under my relieved breath). So I procured a beautiful leather paddle from London Tanners - quite effective but is more an OTK type implement and she prefers me over the bed. I then, with some (justified) trepidation procured a London Tanner Irish strap which made all previous disciplinary experiences seem like playtime. And that has been the weapon of choice for a number of years much to my chagrin. But to be fair the threat of a session is (normally) enough to snap me to attention.

    More recently for reasons of noise reduction, she has started to use a rattan cane and a very painful delrin type cane. I'm OK with the former but the black synthetic material of the delrin cane somehow delivers all pain and discomfort and none of those warm after effects that leather imparts.

    As you have pointed out though, Dan, the advantages are lower sound, very effective and definitely leaves marks. The synthetic version appears to be much easier to use for some reason. TB

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    1. Hi TB. My experiences with tools from "adult shops" is similar to yours -- the quality is terrible and they are good for, at most, very mild "funishment" scenes.

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  19. 'disciple' should read 'discipline'!

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  20. London Tanners is out because we are not paying hundreds of dollars for a spanking implement. But otherwise, do you spanked husbands have a recommendation for a strap that is approximately equivalent to the bath brush?
    Belle

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    1. Belle, I hear you on the expense, but I do believe this is an area where you get what you pay for. The DD Strap from London Tanners is about $130 (the prices on the website are in Euros), and it is a great looking tool that will last forever. When I've ordered cheaper tools from popular vendors (cane-iac as an example), they are noticeably cheaper quality and just kind of ugly.

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  21. Hi Dan,
    Finally getting around to writing something about implements, just about in time for a new topic to come out!

    Paddles - My original interest in spanking revolved pretty much entirely around paddles. Consequently, we have Just about every conceivable paddle, all handcrafted by me by virtue of where we live, since shipping things here is just about impossible, and bringing them on an airplane during our infrequent trips to the USA wastes valuable luggage weight. Most of ours tend towards the thicker side, with varying lengths and widths. As I mentioned above, my wife loves the sound the paddle makes and the feel of swinging it. However, the noise precludes frequent use of a paddle, numbness sets in pretty quickly, and also they tend to make spankings shorter since paddles often cause breaking skin, especially those with holes.

    Canes - While my wife likes the paddles pretty well, still her "go to" instruments are the canes, especially the Delrin and Lexan ones. I think she likes that they are just brutally effective. For me, the feelings from a cane are probably the most unpleasant, since it is so concentrated. However, the cane tends to leave longer lasting marks and residual soreness, which whether I like it or not, I can say is effective.

    Bathbrush - We have a heavy one, as I mentioned above. It works really well, my wife likes to use it, I hate to receive it. I guess I am just glad she doesn't reach for it more often.

    Hairbrushes/small paddles - We have an assortment, but don't really use them. They haven't been very effective because my wife has used them the same as paddles, with slower paced strokes. I think hairbrushes excel when used for a long volley of hard, fast strokes.

    Belts - too awkward to swing, so my wife doesn't like them

    Straps - don't have a proper one. Trying to figure out how to get one making sure it is delivered exactly at the right time when I am visiting the USA. I think it could turn out to be the best if I could get a proper one.

    Whippy things - we have a few, like dressage whip, riding crop, and loopy johny, but don't really ever use them.

    Unconventional things - primarily nettles. They don't have an impact, but they sure make one for at least 6 hours or so...


    So basically we have lots of things, of which few are ever used.

    - ZM

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  22. And now a question for anyone who might still be reading this thread:

    If your wife uses multiple implements during a punishment, which order works best, and why? I have tried to search for answers on this online, and have never really found much guidance.

    The goal is to give a long, super painful spanking that will be felt for days but not leave any lasting damage. I think the long part is pretty critical, since if it is cut short, it may not have the immediate impact wished for, and it is also less likely to be felt for days, which I think is a pretty key ingredient in making a punishment effective.

    -ZM

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    1. Indeed, you snuck in your responses right before I was getting a new one ready. :-)

      I'm not sure what the ideal ordering is, but I know one that *doesn't* work well, which is starting with a wooden paddle. Or, using one pretty much at any point other than near the end. If the goal is, as you say, a long super painful spanking, the wooden paddles almost always cause my butt to go numb fairly quickly. Every other instrument after that is pretty much wasted effort. Also, the paddles are more likely to cause some minor "spotting" of blood, which often leads her to bring a spanking to a premature end.

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    2. Hi ZM,

      In response to ..."multiple implements during a punishment, which order works best, and why?"

      I'm a woman with disciplinary fantasies, but most of my actual experiences have been play with fellow enthusiasts. I have tried sensual spankings (patty cake spankings) and they have their place, but I like best long, hard spankings that leave a fellow sore for a day or two, but don't cause any significant damage. Cane welts that linger for a couple of days can be nice. Soreness is good, but I'm not fond of visible bruising. Blood and broken skin happen and need not be tragic, but I dislike it.

      In my opinion, the single best way to protect skin and extend a session is with a thorough warm-up. I prefer hand-spanking OTK, but anything used lightly enough can theoretically get the blood flowing to the area without stressing the area. (I really like to end a spanking with hard hand-spanking OTK on a tender bottom. By that point, I don't need an implement to make an impression and enjoy the mix of intimacy and intensity.) The disadvantage of a warm-up is that it also gets the endorphins flowing, which makes a spanking easier to take or even possibly enjoyable. However, making a spanking easier to take means that a spanking can be longer and even more painful, so I'm not sure it's really a disadvantage. In reality, I think the disadvantage is that the sophistry of a warm-up doesn't align with most people's disciplinary aesthetic.

      With the goal of a long, painful session, I like a mix of stingy and thuddy implements. Sting and thud hurt differently, I think stimulate different nerves, and perhaps most importantly, alternating gives the spankee a "rest" so that he can continue longer. After the warm-up, I move through my chosen implements in order of severity (which depends in some large part on how I use them) with wood paddles usually being used rather lightly until I'm nearly ready to end the spanking because wooden implements have been the ones that have resulted in accidental bleeding most often (and I usually stop when I draw blood). While I always prefer to spank a bare bottom, I often use a towel or pull underwear and trousers back up to increase the thud of an implement. (The risk here is of hitting the wrong area, so it's a good idea to touch and make sure I know where the tailbone is.)

      Separating sting and thud is a good strategy for avoiding numbness. Slowing down is another way to keep the local nerves (and the whole psyche) from becoming overwhelmed. Most people can take a lot more pain if they're given enough time to process it. Rubbing and squeezing, or scolding (or just counting to five in my head) can make a huge difference in how hard and how many swats he can take.

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