Sunday, May 9, 2021

The Club - Meeting 375 - Readers Talk About Recent Spankings

When you don't respond to bad behavior, you get more of it. - Carly Fiorina

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships, mainly of the Female/male variety.  I hope you had a good week.

 

Mine was pretty uneventful.  Downright boring, in fact.  Part of that was due to weather.  This seems to be an uncharacteristically cold and wet May where we live.  It was gray, rainy and cold almost the entire week.  So, I didn’t get much accomplished beyond some minor yard work and reading a few books.  Although it is easy to blame the weather coupled with the fact that work was a non-factor, I still feel like I should have set a more ambitious agenda for the week. Seems like being slothful like this could become a real habit in the absence of some concrete goals. Before this laziness gets any worse, I may need to think about coming up with some ambitious non-work goals that would require a little effort, perhaps by looking back at our discussion a few weeks ago about DD and goal setting.

 

 

Last week’s conversation took some interesting turns.  Couples’ respective views on goals covered a lot of territory, and some of the dividing line seemed to be around the inverse relationship between the clarity of the rules and the perceived need for warnings, with those who had the most concrete rules seeing little or no need for warnings. I also thought the discussion around captioned photos was productive, even if I didn’t agree with a lot of the points.  It’s nice when you can have people with diametrically opposing views manage to hold a civil conversation.

 

 

As for this week’s topic, thanks to Liz for providing one, since I had nothing in mind.  Liz stated: “Dan, you mentioned you got spanked last week for the first time in a long time. Maybe the whys and wherefores of that incident could be extrapolated into a topic. Maybe something specific, or maybe just the most recent punishment received by or given by each reader, and what they learned/gained from it or what surprised them about it.”  So, let’s keep it simple this week and just talk about the most recent punishment we each received or gave, why it happened, any details you are willing to share, anything you learned/gained from it, and whether there was anything surprising about it.

 

I can kick things off and respond to Liz’s question.  I did, indeed, get spanked a couple of weeks ago, and it was the first time in several months.  The reasons for the delay are complex and not particularly interesting in and of themselves. In a nutshell, I’ve made reference a few times to a medical procedure I had last year. The recovery time was fairly long, and I was more or less homebound for a lot of it.  That resulted in three inter-related factors that eliminated DD spankings in our house for several months.  First, for much of that time, I simply could not have handled one physically. There was a fair amount of pain for several weeks, and the tensing involved in being spanked is something I really could not have withstood during that period. Also, it would have been very difficult to get into and hold our usual position.  Second, because I was home and away from most temptations, my behavior was much improved to the point that I really didn’t do anything meriting a real spanking for many weeks in a row.  Third, as a result of the restricted mobility and several weeks of healthier eating, I had dropped quite a bit of weight over the holidays and during the first several weeks of 2021, to the point that Anne said my butt lost so much mass that she actually got a little squeamish about spanking me given the visible loss of “padding” back there.

 

Well, all good things must come to an end, and a couple of weeks ago my streak of better-than-usual behavior reached its limits. It was a Friday, and I went to lunch with a work colleague. It turned into a celebration of sorts. After a few glasses of wine, we walked back to the office and I ended up having a few more beers with a couple of other colleagues who had nothing better to do.   

 

 

While it never got really out of hand, it was excessive by any reasonable definition.  Though, honestly, when she decided to spank for it, I think it had more to do with us both recognizing that it was time to get back on track than with any genuine concern about the volume of alcohol.

 

This spanking was different both in terms of how long it had been since the last one and with respect to the instrument she used.  A few months ago, I had given her a real, high quality antique ebony hairbrush.  It was the absolute epitome of an iconic hairbrush used for spanking, and I bought this one used so it really may have been used on someone else’s bottom in the past. It looks very similar to this:

 

   

Even though we have been doing this for many years, we have never had a really good quality wooden hairbrush.  As I’ve related before, when we first decided to try Domestic Discipline, her first instruction to me was to buy a hairbrush for her on my way home from work. Unfortunately, I came to learn just how hard it is to find wooden hairbrushes with any real heft.  I bought the best I could find at the time, but it wasn’t much in terms of quality or weight.  She tried it out that night, and it really didn’t have much impact, physically or psychologically. We soon moved on to more “serious” implements, like paddles, straps and bath brushes.  We never really went back to hairbrushes, and I came to think of them as generally ineffective tools thanks to their generally light weight and short handles.  But, remember what I said about Anne’s squeamishness about spanking my newly slimmed down butt?  It seemed to me that a session with her new hairbrush might be something that would ease us both back into things.  So, that’s what we did.

 

To answer Liz’s question as to what I gained from it, the answer is a surprisingly sore butt. Which also answers her question about whether anything was surprising. From virtually the first “whack” on, I was shocked at how much it stung. I don’t know whether it was simply that it had been several months since my last spanking or whether the weight loss really did lead to some heightened sensitivity, but it was very, very painful.  She was pretty measured in delivering each swat, never working up to a really serious volley of whacks with it, yet it really hurt a lot and I very much wanted it to end well before it did.  She said afterward that she regretted that she didn’t spank me harder and that she felt like the short handle did decrease her ability to really swing, but all I can say in response is that it not only hurt like hell but I was pretty sore for a couple of days.

 

 

So, that was our most recent spanking, and I suspect there will be more coming now that our long dry spell was broken. I look forward to hearing your own stories of recent punishments.

 

Have a great week, and happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in our group!

 


 

58 comments:

  1. Coincidentally, I had an almost identical experience with the first hairbrush I bought for Aunt Kay (who was not yet officially "Aunt Kay").

    In retrospect, I had no idea what I was doing. Now when I look at it (yes I still have it), it's practically a mustache brush.

    And as far as being super-desperate for a spanking to end. Well, that could be the title of my DWC experience. Ha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think I have the first one I bought for Anne but, same here -- it too was about as threatening as a mustache brush

      Delete
  2. It has been quite some time since my last punishment spanking as my behavior has been quite good. What did I take away from it... outside of a good cry and very sore butt, a lesson learned. I have not been discipline spanked since for any reason, let alone a repeat of that offense. Can't say the same for maintenance spankings. They go on, as scheduled randomly by our dice roll method. Right on queue, it was last night and with one of our wood backed hairbrushes....yup, still sore.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You said punishment so my last two which were roleplay fun I will skip over.

    So one area of accountability is me taking a supplement that keeps my adrenaline and cortisol better balanced (keeps my attitude better). Well if I miss it is usually obvious but sometimes not. If I miss it I am to let her know if she does not pick up on it and ask. Normally, it is not a spanking unless it becomes a pattern of missing. But that week there were some other stressful factors on the table and she said zero tolerance that week. So before bed that night she walked me to the laundry room (breezeway area where the kids cannot over hear) had be drop pants, bent over with my hands on my knees and I got 15 to 20 with the bath brush.

    I am sorry to say I was half way through the next day before remebering to take it that day. But I did. So I might not have absorbed the full impact of that lesson...but it left a sore bottom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Halfway is better than no way. So even if it was only "half way through the next day the bath brush was not employed in vain.

      Delete
    2. Agreed. It sounds like she took care of you, it two different senses.

      Delete
    3. Helping a husband maintain his health seems like a good use of DD.
      Liz

      Delete
    4. Something random,
      Just curious, can you use roleplay for real punishment? Like if you don't take your supplements, could your wife roleplay your doctor and give you a real punishment spanking for real misbehavior but in the context of a roleplay? And maybe have it be even more effective because it's coming from your "doctor"? Or does that turn the whole thing into a joke? Just wondering. We haven't really done roleplay.
      Berlle

      Delete
    5. Belle
      It depends. For this scenario no. Would be to silly. However, we do roleplay some "little boy" situations for me to work through some psychological processes. For a couple offenses that a child would do we role played within the punishment a couple times. It was more effective but we are still experimenting. It is not often it comes up as I dont misbehave on those items often.

      With roleplay it takes time we have found to find "character" for my wife. It is a little easier for me. I would start with sometime interesting or fun then work towards a punishment. Just my 2 cents.

      Delete
    6. For me the thought of roleplay is normally more interesting than the actual roleplay is. I can see how it might be used in this scenario (health-related) if people really wanted to fit role-play in.

      DD for health-related things is a very good idea. While it might seem a bit extreme to give a spanking for missing a pill or two, often these small patterns are what ultimately lead to poor health. An extra piece or cake or two here, not getting enough exercise this week because life got busy, not taking medicine when needed, etc. Since the marriage long term kind of requires both partners to be alive, I think it is a totally valid use of DD to help ensure that your spouse will be around for many happy and healthy years to come.

      -ZM

      Delete
  4. No punishment in quite a while, but funishment is FINALLY picking up after a long dry spell.

    ReplyDelete
  5. By the way Dan, that ebony brush is quite an aesthetic item and I am sure the "exterior decorator" takes some visual pleasure when the item is employed for it's "proper" purpose. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, it really is a very aesthetically pleasing item. It wasn't cheap, but there is something about a really quality instrument. And, as I said, it does turn me on to think that it was very possibly used on other bottoms before making its way to me.

      Delete
    2. I find it special that Art made the paddle I use on him. I can't imagine what he must have been thinking as he handcrafted it. When he brings it to me and hands it over and bends over the desk without a word, there is an exchange of intimacy in addition to the exchange of power.
      Liz

      Delete
    3. Speaking of items used on other bottoms. I see pictures with implements from the DWC on the web all the time. And I know that once upon a time, I wrapped and shipped that implement to it's destination. I also know the history of each design (she was very particular about that) and think about the many "vendors" she dealt with. I put "vendors" in quotes becuase every one of the implements she sold were made by someone she had personal contact with, refining designs etc. Mom and Pop shops (where pop got spanked too.)

      Delete
    4. That's so cool, Tomy, to see again the implements that you shipped out. It seems like you and Kay helped a whole lot of people, and you are to be complimented for that. I recently went and checked out Aunt Kay's old site (auntkaysdwc.com), and was especially interested to read the real-life letters that Dan sometimes refers to.

      My question, Tomy, is, Do you not have access to update that site in some way? The home page still talks about the shopping mall and being able to write to Aunt Kay, etc. I think the site should stay up forever, but with some updates. If you know how to access it but don't want to make the changes yourself, maybe some computer geek DD husband (OR his disciplinarian wife) could do it on your behalf?
      Take care, Tomy,
      Belle

      Delete
    5. Hi Tomy,
      This begs a question. I was always intrigued by one of Aunt Kay's paddles, I am pretty sure it was the "holey terror." My question is, was it really all that bad, and if so what made it so, since as I recall it didn't seem all that big or intimidating.

      -ZM

      Delete
    6. As I remember that paddle it spoke with some authority but nothing like that short hairbrush style OTK paddle which I think was called “old reliable” on the DWC web site . Maybe there are not that many of them in circulation because I don’t recall any comments about them, but boy they were effective, and used as a hairbrush they were wicked. They were made from hardwood, maybe oak and thicker than any hairbrush I ever saw. They were my former girlfriends go to instrument for OTK along with an almost equally lethal sauna brush she had acquired. Inexplicably, “old reliable” has been lost somehow, so my wife has never had occasion to use one.
      Alan

      Delete
  6. This is Liz,
    I waited until today to comment, since Monday is our punishment day. We began with our standard ritual: Art brings me the paddle and bends over the desk, dressed and ready to go to work. I give him a number of whacks, and then I begin some scolding or asking him questions.
    This week there was a surprise, as it was the first session since I had engaged a co-worker of Art's to report on his behavior.
    "Did you know I spoke to Sally Friday?" I asked between whacks.
    Art said he did not know that.
    "What do you think she said to me about your behavior at work last week?" I asked.
    Art hesitated. The paddling continued. Eventually he said he had no idea what she might have said.
    "Well, Art," I said, "Do you think there were any incidents of arrogance last week that she might have reported to me?"
    He was grunting and trying to think while the paddle was swatting him. I knew this was sort of unfair to make him think hard while getting spanked, but honestly I was somewhat enjoying his predicament. Eventually he said he couldn't recall anything that he though worthy of being reported.
    "Hmmm," I said. "Well, she did report something. Maybe you should try harder to think of it!"
    I was swatting him slowly, but hard. I maintained my rhythm.
    Eventually he said that he was sorry, but really nothing was coming to mind.
    "Maybe the word coffee will jog your memory," I said. Several more swats landed.
    Then he did remember, and told the story. The tradition at his work (like many workplaces) is that the person who empties the coffee pot makes a new pot. But there are a couple of people who typically don't. One of them is one of the other salesmen who Art does not care for. On this day in question last week, Art found an empty coffee pot and made a loud and sarcastic comment about this other salesman never making a new pot. Sally, who was in the coffee room with several others, was quite certain that the comment got back to the other salesman, if he didn't hear it directly from the next room. The problem is that Art had absolutely no evidence that the salesman was the culprit on this particular occasion.
    "So was it appropriate to make a comment when you had no evidence it was accurate?" I asked him.
    Art replied that it probably was the other salesman. I increased the intensity of the swats. He then agreed that his comment was inappropriate.
    "Do you think that comment did anything positive regarding the differences you have with this guy?" I asked.
    He agreed it did not.
    I then gave him a little lecture (while swatting him). I told him that he is better than that, that he is a better employee and man than that, and that I was disappointed to hear him making an unfounded accusation. I also told him it was immature and childish to make a loud and sarcastic comment. If he had a problem with the guy's poor coffee habits, he should confront him directly rather than making obnoxious comments from afar.
    Art agreed that I was right and his behavior had not been acceptable. I then told Art I expected him to talk to the guy that day about the coffee situation, presenting his concerns properly and apologizing for his rudeness last week.
    Art expressed some hesitancy about apologizing, and I commented that we could stay in our current positions and continue our current activity until he was agreeable.
    At which point he did agree and I told him to straighten up. He kissed me and went off to work (as is our tradition), and last night he dutifully reported that he had the conversation with the guy and apologized and at least that part of their relationship was resolved. He also said that he had been quite sore all day. I replied that the soreness clearly served its purpose. Then I served him (and the children) a very nice dinner and we had a quiet evening.
    Domestic Discipline works.
    Liz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder which hurt more, the spanking or the apology?

      Delete
    2. Probably the apology. But he started the conversation by asking the guy to make a new pot when the coffee was gone and the guy agreed, so it wasn't just an apology. I think that made it easier.
      Liz

      Delete
    3. I told Jimmy that the next time he makes a bunch of sexist comments in front of a group of women, I am going to make him apologize to that group of women. He did not like that idea at all. He told me I need to see the difference between jokes and being rude. I told him sometimes that is a fine line, and I (with the help of my bath brush) am going to be the one to define that line for both of us. He didn't much care for that either. But that is how it is going to be.
      Belle

      Delete
    4. Liz, it sounds like he handled it well, finding a way to apologize while also making his point.

      Belle, I get his comment about a fine line between jokes and something else. I stand by the meme above that people kind of need to get over (a) taking offense and anything and everything, (b) thinking that being offended makes them right; and (c) believing there is some right to go through life never being offended at anything. But, all that said, there are lines.

      Delete
    5. Early on in our DD journey one of her first rules was sexist comments/jokes and any jokes at here expense were done. If I did it she would state publically she did not appreaciate the comment but leave it to me to apologize or not. But consequences would reflect accordingly.

      Happended 2 times and broke the habit. One time I apologized. The other she did not say anything because of the setting but I could tell by the way she walked away from the conversation. After that no more problems.

      Delete
  7. Danielle here:

    >>>So, let’s keep it simple this week and just talk about the most recent punishment we each received or gave, why it happened, any details you are willing to share, anything you learned/gained from it, and whether there was anything surprising about it.<<<


    The reason for the most recent spanking I gave my husband was that I stepped in dog poop. Lol. Here’s how it happened. Wayne was working in the kitchen, and he asked me if I would mind going out to the herb garden to get some chives. I went to get the chives, and on the way back, I stepped in dog poop. It was especially disgusting because I was wearing flip-flops and some of it got on my foot! I don't usually swear, but I swore a blue streak, which brought Wayne outside to see what was wrong. He sealed his fate by laughing.

    Cleaning up after the dog is my husband’s job, so I immediately blamed my mishap on him, and my anger was increased by my feeling of disgust and his apparent amusement. I tore a strip off him and reminded him that he is supposed to do poop patrol in the backyard “every f**king day.” I think he knew he was in deep trouble when I dropped the f-bomb. He claimed at first to have done poop patrol the day before, but when pressed he admitted that he hadn't done it for two days.

    I rinsed off my foot with the hose. Then I went inside and scrubbed my feet in the bathtub. Then I got the strap from the bedroom and went to the kitchen. I wanted to give Wayne a fast, harsh punishment on the spot where he was working. I chose the strap because it hurts a lot, so it only takes a couple of minutes to make him good and sorry. I ordered Him to take down his pants and bend over the counter. He reminded me that the kitchen window was open, worried that the neighbours might hear. I told him I didn't care if the neighbors heard, and I really didn't. I'm not sure how times I struck him with the strap. I didn't count. I just hit him till I had let off steam and his vocalizations showed I had made my point.

    My friend Barb had sent me a text that morning asking how things were going. I was still feeling annoyed and disgusted when I answered her text and told her what had happened. She immediately phoned, asking for details because she thought the situation was hilarious. I was annoyed at first that she found it funny, but by the end of the phone call we were both laughing. That got me to thinking that I had perhaps overreacted and punished Wayne more harshly than he deserved. On the other hand, he had neglected an important job. When I talked to Wayne's sister Liz on the phone a few days later, I couldn't resist turning the incident into an amusing anecdote. Liz found it funny, but she figured Wayne got what he deserved. She sent her brother a text, teasing him about it in a lighthearted way. I thought that was a nice touch.

    What did I learn or gain from it? Well, I do think I overreacted to some extent because disgust is such a strong emotion. I had been angry that Wayne laughed, but talking to Barb and then Liz made me see the humor in the situation. Wayne wasn't resentful about my harshness. He says he deserved what he got, so I guess no harm was done. But if I had talked to Barb before punishing Wayne, I might not have used the strap. The incident also made me grateful that I am now able to talk about DD and FLR with Barb and Liz.

    Something new I did was to administer aftercare. I had hit him hard enough that he still had welts on his bottom that evening, so I had him lie across my lap on the bed to apply some lotion to his bottom. Did he ever like that! I have never done that before, but I will probably do it again in the future because it felt so intimate to have him over my knee for care rather than punishment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Danielle,
      If I stepped in dog poop in my own back yard when my husband had agreed to pick it up, and he then lied about the most recent time he did so, I would tear his ass up.

      Delete
    2. Hi Danielle,
      I think this was a perfect example of something that was an ideal spankable offense. He didn't do something that he should have done, and then initially lied about it, and you ended up having something disgusting happen as a direct result. And it was something that caused immediate and real emotions in you (amplified by him laughing at you), so you could vent on his poor backside. But even though there were real emotions and it was a real failing on his part, it was also not something all that serious. I think DD is just perfect for these types of situations.

      And as Dan said below, it is great that you have two different people to share your DD/FLR experiences with. Every time I have thought about witnesses or someone knowing, I have always thought about it from my perspective as the spankee, but I really hadn't thought about how nice it would be for the disciplinarian to be able to talk about this with others. I wish my wife had that, since I think it would not only provide an interesting bond/shared secret with that person, but also because then she could talk openly about it, which might help her to process any emotions she might have around the whole things. Not sure exactly where I am trying to go with this, other than I think it sounds really nice for the person doing the spanking to have others to talk to about it.

      -ZM

      Delete
    3. ZM, I agree on the possible value of witnesses, and I'm often envious of that aspect of what Tomy and Kay had with the DWC.

      Delete
    4. I don't think I would ever have a witness, but I do have a girlfriend who I have talked to quite a bit about my DD with Jimmy. It's nice to have someone to talk to about it. She likes it immensely that I paddle him. Jimmy knows I have told her, and he lately has been especially well behaved around her, while she has teased him quite a bit about everything BUT DD. But she gives him these looks and nods and winks so he knows she is thinking about him being punished and enjoying the thought. Nobody else in our group is on to it. I told her when I confided about our DD that she could not embarrass him in public. The subtle things she is doing are rather entertaining to me, though not to my husband. He had a fling with her while we were separated, so I figure he deserves everything he's getting from her. She has a bit of a crush on him, so she loves dishing it out.

      Delete
  8. If not picking up dog poop in a timely manner was a spankable offense in our house, I would be in big trouble. Thankfully, Anne rarely goes into the backyard.

    It does sound like Wayne agreed that he deserved it. I am envious on behalf of Anne that you have not just one but two people to share your DD and FLR experiences with

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maintenance this morning - which I had requested the other day. My wife, followed me back in our bedroom to tell me it was happening. She sat on our bed, dressed in her work clothes. I was already naked, so I climbed across her lap. She had chosen our short leather strap as the implement - potent, but not the worst. I got about 40 fast swats, mostly affecting my right cheek due to the positioning. Then told to stand up, turn around so she could check if my redness was adequate (it was), a kiss, and on with our day. Endorphins and gratitude for me.
    CrimsonKing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, CK. I do sometimes feel our short leather strap is kind of our "Goldilocks" instrument -- painful but not over the top.

      Delete
  10. Jimmy got a light spanking Saturday night, but what happened before it is interesting. We went out to a club with friends for the first time since the pandemic. Our state opened bars about a month ago and is at 50% capacity. It is going to 100% on Memorial Day, so we look forward to that.
    I warned Jimmy ahead of time to behave himself and be respectful, but he just grinned. He likes to be the life of the party (and I like that too) and I knew he needed to blow off some steam. So I didn't say or do anything when he got himself buzzed and began telling his jokes and stories, which usually are hysterically funny. I laughed with everyone else.
    Then he got to talking about his favorite subject: women and their shortcomings. He told a really funny story about how women merge onto the highway so hesitantly, complete with acting it out. Fair enough. Then he went into how long it takes women to get ready to go anywhere, and that was funny too. I can take some sexist ribbing. But when he got onto how women have no idea what their asses look like or they would dress differently, I got a bit uncomfortable, and when he started to get graphic I pulled on his belt from behind. Hr ignored me, so I yanked him hard by his belt and he went sprawling back onto the bench seat next to me and everyone got a really good laugh about that and we moved on to other topics.
    On the way home he expressed his surprise at the belt maneuver and I said he probably preferred it to being threatened with a spanking in front of everyone and he said he definitely did and it was fine because everybody laughed and I got his attention. I replied that even though it worked it didn't get him out of a spanking. I said that more to enforce my authority than because I thought he really deserved it. So when we got home and were ready for bed I had him strip and go over my knee, which we have been trying lately, and I used a beach sandal on his bare butt, not very hard or long and it doesn't hurt that much. He didn't get aroused afterwards, I am pretty sure because of the alcohol, but we had some fun the next morning.
    What did I learn or gain? That yanking his belt is an effective warning technique. That he wasn't embarrassed by it. What surprised me? I had sort of forgotten how much I love his extrovert personality in public and how really funny he is, even when he is being a sexist dog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I had sort of forgotten how much I love his extrovert personality in public and how really funny he is, even when he is being a sexist dog." I get this. The reality for us has always been that my personality can create a bunch of problems for myself and others, but I think it also is undeniable that the "bad boy" aspect of that personality is largely responsible for my wife's initial interest in me.

      Delete
  11. Maintenance spankings are weekly but it has been about six weeks since a punishment session. Punishment spankings are usually applied with the cane these days. Last one was for not removing the coffee filter from the coffee maker (one of my daily chores). She gave me a couple of warnings first...then came the cane on strike three (18 strokes...all very, very memorable). Needless to say, I have not neglected my coffee filter duty since.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Much like my spankings for failing to empty our rice cooker

      Delete
  12. That is a wonderful hairbrush Dan ,but so hard to find as ours needs an 'upgrade' also.
    Does Anne have you Otk when using the hairbrush ?
    After a period where she had me bend over a chair, she has gone back to otk when using the hairbrush.
    She feels more in charge that way , the position is a bit more 'comfortable for me as and I find the spankings last longer this way.
    The last one was a couple of months ago , and I also noticed that she paused , scolded nd lectured a lot more and took her time also.
    I have another one coming up but , like you, it has been delayed for various reasons .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glen, we really haven't used OTK much since the very beginning, but I may suggest we give it another try.

      Delete
    2. I am not sure about OTK either. For one thing, I can't really use the bath brush because the handle is too long to hit his left cheek properly. For another, it makes me think of him as a little boy and I am his mother, and I don't much care for that dynamic. For a third, he is so much bigger than me that he has a hard time staying across my thighs and his weight is a bit uncomfortable for me. I really like him over the arm of the couch.

      Delete
    3. I am not sure about OTK either. For one thing, I can't really use the bath brush because the handle is too long to hit his left cheek properly. For another, it makes me think of him as a little boy and I am his mother, and I don't much care for that dynamic. For a third, he is so much bigger than me that he has a hard time staying across my thighs and his weight is a bit uncomfortable for me. I really like him over the arm of the couch.

      Delete
    4. For OTK she sits on the bed and let's it support my full weight and this makes it easier to make sure I stay in position. You are correct That a bathbrush handle is too long for OTK but a short handled hairbrush works well and she is able to'snap' it to good effect.
      we tried chairs for OTK but they proved to be unstable and not comfortable once she got going.

      Delete
    5. Belle, I used to not like OTK for all of the reasons you give, but I have come to like it now. It definitely has a mother-spanking-a-little-boy vibe, and I can see why that might put you off. Then again, when my husband needs to be spanked, he is like a naughty boy in my eyes, so spanking him OTK is appropriately humbling for him. Glenmore’s idea of having your husband across your lap on the bed so the bed supports his weight works well. Lately, I have been using an ottoman in the living room for OTK spankings. The ottoman works because it is wide enough that my thighs are completely supported from knees to bottom when he goes across my lap. It is better than a chair that way. Also our ottoman is low enough that when my husband is draped over my lap, his forearms and his feet are on the floor, so his weight is partially supported that way. What I like about the ottoman versus the bed is that my husband has his nose to the floor while I spank him, so it is a more humbling position. I have also come to prefer spanking him in the living room as opposed to the bedroom because, even when we are alone, it feels somewhat public to spank him in the living room. I use a hairbrush or a decorative cutting board that makes a nice paddle when I spank him OTK. When I use the strap, I have him standing up, but bent forward.
      Danielle

      Delete
  13. Several of the husbands here have mentioned that their last spanking was a maintenance spanking. I think I understand the concept, but I don't know if Jimmy and I will ever get there. I don't foresee the day when he will be so well trained that I really have nothing to punish him for so I give him a scheduled spanking just to remind him that I have the authority to punish him. I know some of you also get maintenance spankings to fulfill your kink. Are there other reasons for maintenance spankings besides those two?

    When I spank Jimmy, I am always fired up about something he has done or not done. That energy (I wouldn't exactly call it anger) helps me carry out the punishment. If that didn't exist, and I was spanking him just as a reminder, I'm not sure I would be able to do it with the same enthusiasm. I know the power exchange is still there, and I definitely like the power exchange, but I don't know if I would be able to get into it when there really is no reason for it. Thoughts?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We don't use maintenance spankings, so I don't have much to offer on this one.

      Delete
    2. Belle,
      I think that DD produces the most results and the fastest following the approach you have taken - focused on specific behavior and punishing consistently and close in time to the problem behavior. However there does come a time in most relationships when the most problematic behavior is extinguished or a couple realizes some behavior is under control but will still be a problem from time to time. When that happens probably varies a lot from relationship to relationship -- but when it does the frequency of discipline is likely to decline. At that point some couples do consider “maintenance spanking” both to feed the kink that makes it all happen ,and to reinforce the behavior gains produced by DD. We have tried it but have not been very good at keeping it going. Our approach instead which has actually been hers is to use preventive spankings in some situations and deal with any actual disobedience or recidivism with consequences I want to avoid. For us this works because it feels real and not contrived. But maintenance spanking apparently works for some couples so it might be worth exploring someday.
      Alan

      Delete
    3. I have heard couples doing regular scheduled maintenance spankings as a compromise. Usually the wife does not want to be constanly looking for or on the hook for finding behavior nor wants it to be all the time. The compromise is jist one day a week and it will either be a punishment or just a spanking (maintenance). This way it happends but the wife gets to relax. This seems to work well for more vanilla yet supportive wives.

      Delete
    4. We do weekly spankings whether or not there have been any teansgressions, but we don't call them maintenance. We consider them motivational: Art gets paddled every Monday morning to remind him to keep his arrogance to a minimum. I do believe in DD that is proactive in addition to reactive. Maybe that's what some couples mean by maintenance, but I don't care for the term. It sounds weird to me. I'm not his maintenance department. But yes, I like restricting DD to one day a week so it is not a dominating thing in our lives.
      Liz

      Delete
    5. Liz wrote: “I do believe in DD that is proactive in addition to reactive.”
      In one sentence Liz, you have captured the essence of ideal DD for me and I suspect many others. DD can be very effective as both a way to modify behavior and a relationship tool if it is just reactive. Many men and I include myself will thrive with DD that is just reactive. But if a women takes a proactive position together with the energy it generates, DD reaches a new plateau. That’s one reason I believe that preventive spanking work so well-- because she is proactively managing behavior rather than waiting for misbehavior to happen and reacting to that. I don’t think I can express it better than that but it is both thrilling and intensely motivating when a wife acts proactively to establish or maintain discipline
      Alan

      Delete
    6. This is Art. I also have come to believe in preventive DD. Liz paddles me every Monday morning as a reminder to curb my arrogance. She spanks hard enough that sitting is uncomfortable for 2-3 days and I can even feel it as I walk. And with the discomfort is the sense of being humbled by the corporal punishment. That discomfort serves as a constant reminder to be humble and keep my mouth shut when I want to make sarcastic comments. As the discomfort fades, so does my humility. All of my recent incidents of arrogance have come toward the end of the week. I obviously have not yet internalized the message. I continue to need that proactive external reminder and maybe I always will. For a few weeks I got a second paddling on Thursday mornings but Liz feels that should not be necessary and of course she is right. I must develop the self-discipline to keep my mouth in check for at least a full week. I am grateful to my wife for the externally applied discipline that has helped me improve my behavior.

      Delete
    7. We have not really used maintenance per se, though we were pretty close to it at one point. When we first started doing the check-ins (a couple of years ago, not this time around), my wife would always spank me a little bit, and if I hadn't made the progress she expected then it turned into a punishment. The reason I don't classify it exactly as maintenance is because it her intention was not to remind me she was in charge, but to remind me of the consequences of not achieving my goals. In that way, it seemed more preventative.

      Also, I know that we are a bit atypical in our ordinary use of DD since I am rarely spanked for misbehavior and only occasionally for attitude. Instead, mostly I am punished for failing to meet my own goals I have set and we have agreed upon.

      -ZM

      Delete
    8. While the line isn't totally clear, I do see preventative maintenance spankings as different things. What Liz and Art do seems to me to be classic preventative. He has a pattern of doing a certain thing they agree is a problem, and she spanks in advance as a reminder to him not to do that thing. I used to have my doubts about preventative spankings. It felt more than a little unfair to be punished or held accountable for something you hadn't even done yet. Though, while I haven't gotten many of them, I do now believe they can be highly effective, though mine have been administered much closer to a kind of event that has, in the past led to consistent problems, like drinking too much at a party.

      I'm never quite sure what purpose maintenance is supposed to serve, and I assume it varies by couple. It seems to me to be more on the FLR end of the spectrum than DD, serving to emphasize her authority or that he is not in charge.

      Delete
  14. Hi Dan,
    I wasn't able to contribute last week (on warnings) but didn't really have much to say on it anyway. My wife didn't really understand the power of warnings and verbal strictness until more recently, and she has been using them a little bit more, mostly about using my phone too much when we are with friends and family. And the warnings definitely work! They make me stop what I am doing immediately, plus the provide an immediate feeling of being chastised for me, and I think they give her a bit of a rush of power too.

    Regarding recent spankings, there really haven't been any for a while now. And now my wife is traveling for the next month or so, and then I will be too, so probably there won't even be any opportunities until mid summer. This is a scary though because I am afraid that by then my bottom will have returned to its previous sensitive state, and at the same time my wife has become a MUCH more effective spanker, plus who knows what irritations might have built up by then, so whenever the next spanking does come, I am pretty certain that I won't like it!

    The last spanking wasn't even disciplinary. She just felt like spanking me because she hadn't in a long time and wanted to exercise her power. She likes those quite a bit more than I do. For me, I really need there to be a reason. However, the fact that she spanks me - and hard at that - and does all kinds of other kinky things to fulfill my crazy desires means that I have nothing to complain about. Like all things in a relationship, there must always be give and take, so if she wants to give me a spanking just because she wants to, considering she does all these things because of me, I had better just take the spanking without complaining!

    -ZM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like you, I think I generally need a reason. But, on the other hand, she's never actually ordered one just because she wanted to deliver one. I don't really know how I would react if it actually happened.

      Delete
  15. That's a healthy and positive attitude ZM. And besides if she thinks you need a spanking or just feels like she wants to (becuase on some level she knows you need it) she's always right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your trust in your wife, that she was always right, is amazing, Tomy. You must have been quite the couple.

      Delete
  16. Thanks Belle

    That trust was earned over the years in a great many ways. But one is that I realized she was literally right about almost everything we had different opinions about early on in the relationship. I figured it was absurd for me to try to force my ego-driven desire to have my way when hers was the better choice for the "team".

    ReplyDelete

This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed.