Sunday, September 27, 2020

The Club - Meeting 356 - Interrogation, Reporting and Asking

If we are not ashamed to think it, we should not be ashamed to say it. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline Relationships. I hope you had a good week.

 

Where we live, summer seems to be winding down.  Not that it was much of a summer anyway.

 

  

Fall is definitely in the air here, which would usually have me thinking about leaves turning, college football tailgating, pumpkins being gathered and carved and, of course, Halloween. But, here we are with dodging forest fires and choking on smoke and haze instead of tree-gazing, fan-free sporting events with tail-gating banned, and it looks like Halloween will be be more or less canceled this year. Not only will most kids not be trick-or-treating," but even adult parties will be out of the question thanks to social-distancing.

 


That’s really a drag.  I’ve always loved that holiday, and I’ve groused many times that work travel has made me miss way too many Halloweens over the years. Ironically, and perfectly in line with everything else in 2020, this year I likely will be here for the holiday, but the holiday is unlikely to be here for me.  Oh well, I guess we will soldier on, and since it is outdoors maybe a trip to the pumpkin patch remains a socially-distanced possibility.

 

   

As I reported, last week was a tough one for us.  The one and only good thing about it was it brought home to me just how far my behavior has drifted over the last few months and gave me some real commitment to trying to fix it. It has me genuinely refocused on getting my shit together on multiple fronts. In response to one of my cryptic comments about my behavior, Alan offered this sage advice:

 

Regarding moving forward on the behavior front: I sense your frustration and offer what has worked for us. First following Aunt Kay’s original advice, we developed a list of behaviors that were problems for one or both of us. Very important at that point was that we both agreed that the behavior needed to change. In short we both needed to buy into it as a goal whether it was relatively trivial or later when the behaviors were serious issues. That buy in by both of us was crucial. I think the original list numbered around a dozen and it ranged from annoyances like my (then) chronic habit of being 10 or 15 minutes late for dates to smoking. Next ,also following Aunt Kay, we prioritized the list to 2 or 3 things to emphasize, picking middle range things rather than the most challenging behaviors, eventually working up to the most serious issues. We actually started with a cliché, leaving the commode seat up and one other. But even these “easy” ones established the habit of compliance and the reality of consequences. We dealt with the accountability issue by her committing to ask me as often as every day whether I was “disobedient” (i.e. violated one of her rules) – and me committing to never lie to her about that. She also committed to being consistent which meant if I confessed to disobedience I would be punished,, no exceptions This made it unnecessary for her to monitor my behavior (beyond the regular interrogations) and it turned out to be the feature about our system we both liked most. She doesn’t like to monitor and while I find it hard to ask for a spanking or “out” myself, I find it’s very easy to be truthful with her when she interrogates me even when I know I am in trouble. Looking back on this the two thing that seem most important to it working are first our commitment as a couple to modifying the behavior – and second her follow up including regularly interrogating me.

 

ZM responded to Alan’s comment with this:

 

Hi Alan.  I think the interrogation thing is pretty much what we are doing with the weekly check-ins. She has previously said that she doesn't want me to self-report, but in fact that is exactly what I am doing on most items, except that it is at her prompting/interrogating.

 

  To which Alan responded:

 

ZM, I can understand how your wife would discourage self-reporting because while the motive for doing so might be as pure as the driven snow- it can easily come off as topping from below, making her fell pressure to "perform" rather than to be in charge. Interrogation switches that dynamic putting her completely in control and allowing her to determine if an issue is timely to address or not. Interrogation puts responsibility on a wife but she gets to decide when and how to discharge that responsibility. I know I don't need to remind you of this, but committing to never be untruthful with her makes it all work once she has committed to regular interrogation. – Alan

 

Capping off this exchange and responding to my comment that I’m not good at self-reporting nor is my wife good at interrogating, ZM observed:

   

Hi Dan and Alan. Dan, I totally get what you said about the two sides of the same coin. I am fortunate because my wife is very, very good at keeping things on schedule, and there is no chance that she will just let it slip by the wayside. When we were doing this before, it stopped only because suddenly we had a house full of teenagers (returns from college plus our high-schooler), and it just simply became impossible to get ANY time alone at all for a while. So eventually we just kind of gave up on it. This time, we have much more freedom, so I think it will last, especially since she has started to notice and comment on the positive results it is generating.  And Alan, I think we are exactly on the same wavelength about the difference between self-initiated self-reporting and self-reporting in response to interrogation. With interrogation the power structure is reinforced, whereas (as you pointed out) self-initiated self-reporting can easily upset or weaken or undermine the power structure. By her making the decision to interrogate, she has also - at least implicitly if not explicitly - made the decision to act upon the information that she gets.  I am fortunate that my wife really takes to the keeping things on schedule and so she totally owns the process. And since this seems to strengthen the power structure, hopefully it will become a virtuous cycle where she feels more and more comfortable with interrogating me and exercising her authority (though she is already pretty comfortable with it).

 

I know we’ve talked a lot about reporting, but this whole issue of how to build some rigor and regularity into our DD relationship—which has been off track all year despite having a house to ourselves—has really been on my mind lately, largely because I’m trying to face up to the fact that I really do need to get on top of some problematic behaviors that just don’t seem to get better.  So, for the next couple of weeks, I may explore some things we’ve talked about before, in an effort to get more input and advice from the group.

 

 

So, like I said, we’ve talked in the past about self-reporting, asking for it when you know you deserve it, etc., and the tension that Alan alludes to between those husband-initiated means of helping ensure bad behavior gets addressed and the possibility that they might cause the wife to feel pressured or disempowered.  It sounds like for both Alan and ZM, the tension has been resolved by their wives interrogating them pretty actively about their behavior, though ZM’s new regimen has a pretty rigorous reporting mechanism built into it.

 

Interrogation hasn’t really been a part of our dynamic, and perhaps that has been part of our enforcement problem.  Though, that kind of begs the question – if it is not a part of our dynamic, and if the dynamic might improve if it were, how can I bring that improvement about without taking control by once again trying some kind of reporting regimen to kick it off and hope it becomes part of her personal arsenal for addressing bad behavior and keeping things on track?

 

 

Mulling this over this morning as I was thinking about a topic for today reinforced to me just how dependent DD is on the husband either proactively self-reporting or being honest in response to questioning from his wife, because so much of our limiting behaviors may happen outside her presence and be more or less undetectable without an actual confession.

 

   

Now, for some wives, that’s probably just fine.  She may have little or no concerns about behavior that isn’t readily apparent and doesn’t impact her directly.  But, then there are couples at the almost opposite extreme, like Liz and Art.  Art recognizes the problems that arrogance and attitude have caused him at work.  But, because the problematic behavior happens outside Liz’s presence, it could go completely undetected if he didn’t take the initiative to report it.  Their way around the problem is interesting in that it doesn’t really rely on either interrogation or self-reporting but, rather, on “prophylactic” or “preventative” spankings that attempt to address bad behavior by ensuring it doesn’t happen in the first place.

 

For our Disciplinary Wives, how do you feel bad behavior should best be detected so it can be addressed?  Do you currently do something like Alan describes, actively interrogating your husband about whether he has behaved as agreed or disobeyed one of the rules?  How do you feel about him reporting bad behavior?  Is it something you expect, or would you feel that undermines or pressures you?  What about not just reporting bad behavior but him actually asking for a spanking when he knows he deserves one?  That last one has been on my mind a lot this week.  I very seldom come right out and ask to be spanked or punished, yet there are times that I know she is stewing over something I did, and I know I believe I really deserve one.  In an ideal world, she would take command and just order one, but what if she doesn’t?

 

For the men, does your wife interrogate you to ferret out bad behavior?  If so, how do you feel about that? If not, would you like that to be a part of your dynamic?  If not, how do you address behavior you know you should be punished for—and perhaps even want to be punished for—that she may not be aware of or may not punish even when she does know about it?

 

Have a great week.

36 comments:

  1. I crave honest questions about how I'm "really doing" from anyone, because they feel so freeing and cleansing after the initial confession, and I end up feeling a quite positive emotion of gratitude towards them for their concern for both me and for the work, cause or thing I am supposed to be caring for. I think that desire may be a major part of my interest in the discipline side of spanking, along with my desire for self-improvement.

    While only my wife's interest has the weight of potential corporal punishment behind it, I feel something analogous in my stomach when a boss, a close friend, or a religious leader(!) starts asking hard personal questions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi MW. I tend to have the opposite reaction of what you seem to be describing, though my dataset is limited. For whatever really, I don't have a lot of personal contacts who ask me hard personal questions. On the work front, when I get questioned on much of anything I tend to get defensive or evasive, unless it is someone I am genuinely friends with who is expressing a genuine interest.

      Delete
    2. MW,
      You wrote re questions: “they feel so freeing and cleansing after the initial confession”
      Like Dan, I can’t say I have had a lot of experience with people asking me probing questions (other than my wife and former girlfriend) but it has happened a few times and I know what you mean about that initial confession. There is something about it just flooding out after I start and I am telling her things that I would never have volunteered. The confessional nature of it is definitely triggered by probing questions, something I have attributed to growing up Catholic (now recovering). But it might go deeper than that and be part of the human need to confess when we feel (conscious or unconscious) guilt. I know that confessing misbehavior to her in response to a focused question is almost going on automatic pilot and at least 10 times easier than self-reporting
      Alan

      Delete
  2. For me, a wife asking or questioning is normal ,but interrogation sounds overly agressive , one sided and suggests she already assumes guilt without any basis for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In my case, the basis for assuming guilt would be about 30 years of shared history. ;-)

      Delete
    2. Glen
      I use the term in the more neutral sense of verbally asking questions and seeking information, not implying excessive aggressiveness. I can see why you might interpret it differently given the proliferation of police procedurals that flood our airways. And there is certainly some aggressiveness to it which makes it work for me –but when she interrogates me about behavior we have talked about before – I don’t feel I am in a small dark room under a glaring light.
      Alan

      Delete
    3. Interrogation suggests to me him strapped to a chair in a damp basement with her shining a light in his face and telling him , " I have vays of making you talk."
      Perhaps I'm watching too many spy movies these days!

      Delete
    4. Yeah, but the light keeps burning out and then there is the cost of running the dehumidifier. It's just not very cost effective
      Alan

      Delete
    5. As a writer, I have to agree with Glenmore vis a vis the word "interrogation." It does sound over-the-top for domestic life.

      But being eyeball to eyeball with your woman when she asks difficult questions, that's part of the deal.

      Delete
    6. You wrote: “… being eyeball to eyeball with your woman when she asks difficult questions” Add to that picture a firm feminine hand holding your chin making sure you keep eye contact – or an equally firm pair of feminine hands tugging at your belt preparing to take your pants down – then tell me that doesn’t sound like interrogation
      Alan

      Delete
    7. I can see why the term "interrogation" might seem a little strong for a husband questioning her husband, in the age of Guantanamo Bay and so on. At the same time, I do think that it is still a pretty appropriate word, since at least when my wife questions me weekly, it is very clear that she has the authority, and she doesn't just ask a quick question, wait for me to say it was good, and then go on. Instead, she tends to dig a bit deeper. So for example, she won't just ask how my diet went, to which I would say "it was fine" (and I would sincerely mean that). But instead, she would follow up with "how many cheat days did you have?" and "what about snacks at night?" During these further probing questions, I often realize that there is something that I didn't even think about. BTW, diet probably isn't the best example for interrogation, since generally she knows what I eat except for during the day at work.

      -ZM

      Delete
    8. "A firm feminine hand holding your chin . . ." Definitely a compelling image!

      Delete
  3. My wife doesn't interrogate me but I do have a confessional day. The day of my maintenance spanking is when I must confess anything I might have done that will require punishment. I learned the hard way to be honest about it. Once she found out about something that I didn't confess and the punishment was very severe for not confessing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dan,
      If you are comfortable can you give us some detail on a typical confessional day? Do you keep a journal or have a list that you reference or does she prompt you in any way. Are you expected to confess only on that particular day or does she expect self-reporting after any misbehavior? Also does your confession take place where you are also punished or are you punished in a separate room? Sorry for all the questions and ignore any you don’t want to discuss. But we tried several versions of what she called ‘behavior reviews” but none was a long term success. The closest we came was a system in which the behavior review happened (usually) on a Friday night while we were having weekend cocktails with the understanding there would be no discipline that day no matter what I had done. But she could punish me later in the weekend and often did if she felt my behavior warranted it. I think the alcohol and knowing there was no imminent punishment made me more comfortable with volunteering information but even that was not a complete success
      Alan

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    3. Hi Alan,
      My wife has never said I needed to confess something when ever I do something wrong but she started the confessional several years ago after reading about in on some website. Every Friday after she gets home from work is my maintenance spanking. I'm expected to be naked and standing in the corner when she gets home. When she gets home she might make a cup of coffee before she enters the living room while I'm still waiting in the corner. When she enters the room she sits in her spanking chair and calls me to her. I go over her lap and she proceeds to give me my maintenance spanking which usually consists of around 75 whacks with her paddle. After that's over she then asks me if there is anything I needed to confess. I learned the hard way to be honest because one time I didn't confess something and she knew about it and when she confronted me about it I had no choice but to admit it and I was really severally punished. When I confess something she will lecture me then pronounce sentence for my misdeed. It could be anywhere from 25 to 50 extra whacks with her paddle and maybe some added chores.

      If my wife wanted me to confess when I do something wrong I would and I have a couple of times but she seems content to do that once a week. I get spanked enough during the week without adding to it but I will do what ever she wants.
      Dan

      Delete
    4. Dan
      Thanks for your post. You wrote: “After that's over (around 75 whacks with her paddle) she then asks me if there is anything I needed to confess”. This is very interesting and it seems to support Liz’s earlier point about it being hard to withhold bad behavior when you have already been spanked or are in the middle of a spanking. I have experienced something like this when she is addressing multiple issues and has already begun the punishment. And the success you are describing with it seems to solve problems with self-reporting. Our obstacle to all this is the maintenance notion. She does administer preventive spankings and we both believe in them. But she finds it very hard to punish me without disobedience or violating her rules. We have tried it (several times) but it never lasts. I see the advantages of scheduled discipline and you have actually just added another. But her basic idea of “fairness” makes it unworkable for us. From earlier comments on the blog I believe we are not alone, but apparently many others like you have made it work
      Alan

      Delete
    5. Hi Alan,
      My wife likes the maintenance spanking because it's a reminder to me of who is in charge. The maintenance spanking is not as hard as a disciplinary spanking but it does sting. She likes to do it oh a Friday after work because we usually go out to dinner after and she seems to like to see me squirm a little sitting in a restaurant chair.

      Delete
    6. "I think the alcohol and knowing there was no imminent punishment made me more comfortable with volunteering information but even that was not a complete success." Alan, I think combining alcohol and self-reporting is pretty ingenious.

      Delete
  4. This is Liz,
    It seems to be a huge advantage that we do weekly paddlings. Since he is going to get spanked anyway, Art may as well confess whatever he has done wrong and get paddled for something he actually did rather than get paddled for something he hasn't done yet!

    That may be a little bit simplistic, and we definitely believe in preventative paddlings. Art has never had a problem telling me about his arrogance at work because he wants it to stop and he knows it isn't going to stop without my assistance. But I do understand not wanting to confess because you want to avoid the actual spanking - even if you are drawn to the idea of being punished by your wife. That's where our weekly sessions come in. He isn't going to avoid it, even when he has done nothing wrong!

    Now it is true that if the paddling is just preventative, it is lighter than if he has confessed something. Very often he confesses the week before and I keep track and give him extra swats the next Monday morning. But I don't think it is so severe that he wants to avoid the extra rather than get the benefit of removing his guilt through punishment.

    If he hasn't said anything about the previous week, I do ask him some questions. I don't assume that there has been no arrogance. But when he says there is nothing to confess, I mostly believe him, because he is so good about coming home from work and telling me about incidences of arrogance, and he has virtually never lied to me.

    Sometimes, though, he doesn't recognize his arrogance. He isn't lying; he has a blind spot. So I ask him questions to help uncover any possible incidents. I will ask him about what happened in sales meetings, and in particular if he had any exchanges with a couple of people who he tends to treat sarcastically. I wouldn't call what I do interrogation, but it is somewhat firm and authoritarian. Tough love, I guess.

    As the husbands here know, it seems almost impossible to lie to your wife when you are in the middle of getting spanked. Once you are bent over, the truth just comes pouring out.

    I would suggest that others consider regular sessions - weekly, monthly, whatever. As a wife I do not consider it burdensome (with rare exception). In a way it's freeing because I know I don't have to take up the paddle at any other time. I also think it's really good for my husband. He knows the time, the place, and the method of the next punishment. He doesn't have the wondering and the anticipation and the disappointment that so many of you express.
    Liz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While my wife does spank me regularly, but never for disciplinary reasons, I find the approach Liz describes here as reasonable, indeed appealing, not to correct arrogance, but to correct some of MY bad habits. Once a week "preventive spankings" from my wife would be fine with me, and I would also welcome being interrogated by her when she is spanking me, even if it resulted in a longer spanking.
      Doug

      Delete
    2. Liz, Dan
      "I would suggest that others consider regular sessions - weekly, monthly, whatever. He knows the time, the place, and the method of the next punishment."
      I agree with this. My husband seems to look forward to a session, well, most times. He knows what's expected of him, which is something he wants, and there's no mystery to it. He's in a very submissive mood for the whole day leading up to a session (usually Saturdays). All hubby waits for is me to give him any special requests in the afternoon. For instance, I might remind him to make sure he is showered, shaved (head too), and ready at 8:45. This is standard and he doesn't need to be told if I forget. I might tell him to wear panties of a certain color. He goes to the basement apartment and I'm usually there, holding one of the canes. I don't make my husband self-report, but if I'm annoyed about something put him through a question and answer session during his punishment. I like to make my husband pleasure me after he's been spanked unless I'm really upset about something. This reinforces his submissive feelings. If there's other punishment due, like forbidding him to do something or financially restricting him, I tell him at a session. He's been so good recently he's been getting only a few taps of the cane.
      CarolH.

      Delete
    3. "But I do understand not wanting to confess because you want to avoid the actual spanking - even if you are drawn to the idea of being punished by your wife." Liz, it's interesting, but I've found recently that avoiding a spanking is not really what is getting in the way of self-reporting. It's been more about feeling embarrassed by the underlying behavior.

      Delete
    4. Art also feels embarrassed about some of his behaviors. He has asked me more than once, "Why did I say that? I'm not usually a rude person!"

      And that is true. When we go out for instance, he us unfailingly polite, opening car doors and restaurant doors for me, asking me if I am too hot or too cold, finding the waiter when I want something, etc.

      I think a big part of his rudeness is impatience. He does not like to stand in lines or get caught in traffic, he does not like long meetings, and he does not suffer fools well at all. He also is quite spontaneous, so he has a tendency to say what he is thinking when he should be filtering that out and keeping his mouth shut. We have had this conversation many times while he is bent over the desk, but he still needs to do a better job of biting his tongue.

      He does sometimes feel and act embarrassed while he is confessing something to me. But he also feels better after he has confessed and had the guilt removed by being punished for his actions. He has told me on more than one occasion, "I would rather take my medicine and have it be over than stew over what I said or did."

      I also think my lecturing during punishment helps him. "Should you have said that?" I will ask as the paddle is falling. "No, Ma'am!" he will reply.
      "Are you sorry for having said it?" "Yes, Ma'am!"
      "Are you going to think before you run your mouth next time?" "Yes, Ma'am!"
      While he doesn't always stick to that promise, he says that the Q&A simplifies the situation for him. He did something wrong, he is paying the price for it, he is promising to do better in the future.

      Yes, there is embarrassment with confession. All four of his cheeks may be red. But it's worth it.
      Liz

      Delete
    5. Art and I seem to be A LOT alike. I share his issues with impatience and not tolerating fools, and I find the two kind of go together. Fools tend to talk a long time without saying anything, and it is a long time filled with stupid stuff, which makes it doubly hard to sit there quietly.

      "All four of his cheeks may be red." - Nice!

      Delete
    6. Hi Dan,
      I often find your responses provocative in the sense they provoke me to reexamine my own view of things. Case in point: “… but I've found recently that avoiding a spanking is not really what is getting in the way of self-reporting. It's been more about feeling embarrassed”. On this one I don’t share your experience. I can’t say it’s the embarrassment since that to me is inherent in being subject to a childish punishment (spanking). For me it’s the spanking itself I am trying to avoid even knowing that afterward 99 % of the time I will agree I deserved it after it’s over. Also I have little motivation to self-report because she doesn’t particularly want me to (except in a couple of special situations) Her preference ( which has changed over the years) is to initiate any discussions about discipline or my behavior. This works for me also
      Alan

      Delete
    7. Hi Alan. It is interesting that we all end up at the same place, but through such different routes. I honestly don't feel a lot of embarrassment by virtue of being subjected to a childish form of punishment. In fact, I've always been more open to the prospect of others (our kids) knowing than she has, because it doesn't really embarrass me that much. Now, specific situations would -- like work acquaintances knowing or having it done in front of a live witness. But, not in the abstract and not between her and me.

      Delete
  5. Most of what I punish Jimmy for happens right in front of me. But I do interrogate him sometimes. I want to make sure he is treating ALL women with respect, not just me. He works with guys all day long and doesn't have much contact with women other than waitresses at lunch time and that sort of thing. But I will ask him, "Did you use the word c*nt today?" He knows I have banned that word from his vocabulary but he hears it every day from coworkers and sometimes uses it himself. Or I will ask him, "Where did you go for lunch today? Did you treat the waitress respectfully? How much of a tip did you leave?" Some of his coworkers like to flirt with and tease waitresses. And Jimmy tends to be a bit tight with our money.

    I do believe that he answers me truthfully, even though he knows it could earn him a trip over the arm of the couch. But I don't have much way to tell other than that I am good at detecting lies. We haven't gotten to the point where he would actively confess a transgression or ask to be punished. I think that would be really hard on his male ego. Maybe we will get there someday.

    We haven't gone out much because of COVID but I am really looking forward to our social group getting back together regularly. I think my girlfriends are going to notice a big change in his behavior, and I hope they ask me about it. I will tell them "he's in training" and I am sure they are going to want to know more (one already does). I don't know how much I'll tell them, but I sure have learned the effectiveness of our regimen of "Punish, yes. Pussy, no."
    Belle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "We haven't gotten to the point where he would actively confess a transgression or ask to be punished. I think that would be really hard on his male ego." Belle, trust me, it is.

      Delete
  6. "I do believe that he answers me truthfully, even though he knows it could earn him a trip over the arm of the couch."

    Thanks for that, Belle. It's the same with husband. He'll tell the truth even though he knows it means a Disciplinary Session, even in front of witnesses.

    I do interrogating, but I also see things or learn things. Sometimes, I'll interrogate him about something I could find out just by checking. Say if I wanted to find out if he's looked at pornography, which I don't allow. All I really have to is look at his computer history, since he doesn't erase it. Still, I like to ask him. Every time he's said he hasn't, it checks out. Every time he says he has, it's checked out. If he admits to pornography, I'll ask what kind, sometimes. He's always been truthful about it. Twice, he's admitted to looking at a magazine, once when I asked him about something related and once when I asked him specifically about the computer. He said he hadn't done it on his computer but he did have a magazine. I probably wouldn't have known about it except he was honest about it. Of course, he got a Disciplinary Session every time.

    Often, I just investigate or hear something. Once I learn something, sometimes I just confront him with it. Sometimes, I ask. He's always been truthful.

    I don't require self-reporting. From early on, he told me he didn't consider not volunteering information dishonest. But he did consider lying when asked dishonest. So he told me he might not tell me something but, if I asked, and I could ask him anything, he'd tell me the truth. He always has.

    There's only been a couple of times where he did anything like self-reporting. One was something so unusual he felt I had to know and if I approved of what he did. While what he did at first was OK, I was displeased at him letting himself get into what happened and not getting out of it sooner. Because of his failure, I gave him a very severe Disciplinary Session. I asked him later about it and he said he wasn't necessarily surprised he got spanked, but he was surprised about how severe it was.

    There was another time before that and it was unusual, too. I was displeased not as much with what he did, but what was the result, so I spanked him for that, too.

    There have some cases where he self-reported because I think he knew I was going to find out, anyhow, so maybe he thought he wouldn't get disciplined so severely. He was wrong, in the cases where I did discipline him. I actually let him off once or twice because I decided he really didn't do anything I prohibited.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Dan,
    I probably don't have anything to add to what I said before, but just for completeness sake... Yes, my wife interrogates me every check-in time. This is the primary way that we use self-reporting. While other methods of self-reporting might work well for others - and maybe they would for us as well - the interrogation method seems perfect for us, since it continually reinforces the power structure. I can see that she is becoming more and more confident in her role and authority, and I think that interrogation plays a significant role in her increasing level of comfort. She knows that she can ask me anything, and in every case I will answer honestly.

    -ZM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I can see that she is becoming more and more confident in her role and authority, and I think that interrogation plays a significant role in her increasing level of comfort." ZM, that makes perfect sense to me.

      Delete
  8. "She knows that she can ask me anything, and in every case I will answer honestly."

    Good for you ZM. It's a beautiful soul connection and worth the discomfort many times over.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi, I've written before but will post anonymously since I wouldn't want my husband to find out my secrets. He reads and contributes from time to time as well.
    So as far as interrogating if it's something I know or suspect I will question until I'm satisfied. I have questioned my husband when I've known the answer fully just to see how truthful he'd be with me.
    Sometimes I spank at times for no particular reason. This way I maintain authority, keep him on his toes, remind him to "be my good boy", steer him back if It's been a while and I think he's starting to regress or go off track to far and sometimes any of those reasons may arise because frankly I'm just in the mood to dish out a good spanking!

    But I have spanked because of "something" but without telling my husband why fully expecting him to be able to tell me why he thinks he's being spanked. It may sound unfair but you'd be surprised what a wife can find out when her hubby is getting it soundly and he wants to get the right answer in order to get her to stop. WINK WINK In my head I'm usually thinking WOW You really did deserve this spanking didn't you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My wife spanks for "cause" only and it is a hard limit for her. But my former girlfriend who introduced me to DD did administer "because I said so" spankings and Anonymous is correct. It was very disorienting to not know why it was happening and tended to make me babble probably disclosing things of which she was unaware.It's probably a good technique for uncovering guilty behavior ( and a guilty conscience), but long term it could undermine the trust necessary in successful DD.
      Alan

      Delete

This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed.