Sunday, September 20, 2020

The Club - Meeting 355 - Before and After Thoughts

“Wishes are brutal, unforgiving things. They burn your tongue the moment they're spoken and you can never take them back.” - Alice Hoffman

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplined Husbands Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women participating or interested in Domestic Discipline Relationships. I hope you had a good week.

 

Ours was really rough.  Every time I think this year just can’t possibly get any worse, somehow it does.  It wasn’t a great week for the country either.  Or at least for half of it.

 

 

I’m also sitting here on a pleasant Sunday feeling particularly bad about my own personal behavior.  Early in the week, I was really trying to turn a corner on getting some nagging health and behavior issues under control, yet with another weekend came another big fail.  It has me thinking again about “zero tolerance” policies, stern and strict discipline, etc.  But, the challenge is, of course, finding the right enforcement or incentive structure – something that has eluded me for years now.  I was thinking about some of this earlier in the week when watching the HBO series The Vow, which is about the Nxivm “personal empowerment” that billed itself as an “Executive Success Program,” that also had earmarks of a pyramid scheme, and had within it a small group of women that took personal power in a very Domestic Discipline direction.  As some of you may recall, I got intrigued this several months ago and about the philosophy of self-improvement described in this New York Time article. 

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/30/magazine/sex-cult-empowerment-nxivm-keith-raniere.html.  What really intrigued me was the whole thing sounded so . . . disciplinary.  It was all about finding sufficient leverage to overcome those self-limiting habits or establish better ones.  Apparently, I was right in intuiting a very DD-like connection.  In the most recent episode, a woman talked about the communications between her and the woman above her in the hierarchy and the kind of structure and discipline that was imposed.  The producers displayed a series of texts between them.  It isn’t clear from the exchange what the underlying behavior was.

 

 

But, it becomes VERY clear what the consequences of not complying with the rules would be.

 

 


So, I exit this week and enter a new one pondering whether there is some system or set of procedures I can put in place to finally get enough leverage over myself to put an end to some of the behaviors that have chronically caused problems for myself and others.  I’m mulling some options, though the linchpin has to really be execution and follow-up.  I’ll keep mulling and think and, hopefully, report back where we end up.

 

In the meantime, the events of this week left me pretty empty of when it came to topic ideas.  Thankfully, one of our commenters provided me with one.  A couple of weeks ago, Belle suggested the following:

 

I want to suggest a possible topic because I am curious about this and believe it is probably much more intense for other couples than it currently is for us: What are the thoughts and feelings that both husband and wife think and feel immediately before and immediately after punishment? Describe them in exquisite detail. Before punishment means from the time a spanking is announced until the first spank lands, so including getting implements, lecture, removal of clothing, positioning of the husband, etc. After punishment means from the moment the last spank lands until the couple is back to normal, including cornertime or any meditation time, putting clothing back on, talk about the punishment, cuddling, sex triggered by the punishment, etc.

 

 


For me, the most consistent aspect of my thought process is really the gap between what I am thinking immediately before a spanking is announced and what I am thinking right after the announcement.  Particularly when I am in a remorseful mood or angry at myself for some behavior failure, I’m often actively thinking about how I really deserve one, hoping she will order one, etc. Then, after she announces one is coming, all that just vanishes completely and I become laser focused on how much I do not want to be spanked.  Even when I know an announcement is likely coming, my stomach still jumps to my throat when it actually comes.

 


 

I suspect that for some husbands, there is a desire to just face the music and get it over with soon. That virtually never happens with me. From the moment one is announced, I switch into avoidance mode and begin hoping that something will happen that interferes with execution of the sentence.  It’s pretty rare that she tells me in advance exactly what time it will be carried out, so I often have an hour or to stew and think about what is coming, then at some point she will either come downstairs and announce it is time for me to come upstairs and get ready or she will send a text to that effect.  Regardless of the form of that communication, in that moment I go from a kind of low level dread to a kind of resigned “I really don’t want this, but here we go.  . . .” Our routine is so ritualized, from that point I’m kind of on auto-pilot.  Without being ordered to, I retrieve the suitcase in which we keep the implements, put it on the bed and open it.  I then pull a large ottoman into the center of the room and put a large cushion on top of it.  I then undress and wait for her to come out.  During that process, I’m usually thinking about nothing other than how much this is going to suck, though I sometimes try to make myself think about what I did to get myself into this situation.  It really stays that way until the first spank lands.

 

 

Belle also asked about the thought process from the last swat onward until things are back to normal.  When she tells me it’s over, my first thought is usually just plain old relief, though every once in a while I feel disappointed if I feel like the behavior really deserved a longer spanking.  Since most of our spankings happen shortly before our usual bed time, and since we often but not always do have sex, I will often ask for her direction on whether we are having sex.  If so, I usually don’t undress.  I put away her tools, put the ottoman back in place at the foot of the bed, etc.  During that process, I’m generally not thinking about what just happened.  It really is like the slate has been cleaned.  When we get back in bed, however, we often do talk about the spanking she just delivered.  I’m usually feeling very loving and attracted to her in that moment.  There is something so very attractive about her willingness to exercise her power like that.  That period right after a spanking is probably the closest I ever get to feeling “submissive,” though the better word probably is “humbled.”  It’s like a lot of the male ego, stress, anxiety, etc. just vanishes.

 

How about you?  What are you gentlemen thinking about during that after a spanking has been announced but before it has been delivered?  What about immediately after?  

 

How about our Disciplinary Wives? What are you thinking about during the lead up to announcing a spanking?   What about when you are actually communicating your decision to give one?

 

 

Has it changed over time?  Have you gone from tentative to confident?

 

 

How about when you are ready to deliver?

 

How do you feel after you’ve taken care of business?  


  

I hope you all have a great week. 

28 comments:

  1. This is a good question. Depending on the time, location and the means in which the notification is delivered. I usually get the, "oh no, not again", thought followed by tingles of excitement and dread mixed in that funny way that you can't quite explain. There is now location and means in which the message is delivered. In private with my wife telling me what's coming is normal and nothing, but in public, I go beet red in the face and look around for who may have heard.

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    1. Hi Pizza Paddle,
      Until now, I have not really experienced having my wife tell me what is coming in any sort of public situation, or at least not where there was any possibility of anyone hearing her say anything, but I can only imagine how intense that might be. Only in the last year or two have I realized just how intense the thought of somebody knowing or finding out is.

      So far, at least, nobody knows, and maybe it will stay that way. However, I have sort of teased around the subject with our mutual friend (the one my wife was referring to a couple of months ago when she out of nowhere said "wow, imagine if this happened in front of ________!").

      I will relate the happenings here, even though it long rambling story without much actually happening. It does seem to have piqued our friend's interest, even though I don't know that she necessarily has put all the pieces together to know that my wife actually spanks me.

      A few weeks ago, my wife was in her hometown for a couple of days. Our mutual friend and I were having coffee, and I told her that I had to get going because I had a bunch of things to do before my wife got back, so she jokingly asked if she had left me a list, and I told her that in fact she had. I told her that I had many things that simply weren't being attended to properly, so I had asked my wife to hold me accountable, and that my wife gives me tasks and then checks in to make sure that I am making adequate progress. She asked how my wife is, and I said that she is very fair and understanding, but also very firm, so she is perfect to keep me on track. She was impressed that I would ask my wife to hold me accountable, since many people try to avoid being accountable. She said, "and if it isn't done?" and I responded jokingly "that's when the spankings happen" and then we both laughed some, and then I moved on to a new topic.

      A couple of days later she wrote and asked if my wife had came back and asked "were you ready? Is the list done?" so I said that she arrived that morning, and at least part of the list was done, but that it would take months to complete everything. I jokingly wrote that maybe my wife would be merciful, and she (jokingly) wrote that she would pray for me, and that I am lucky that it wasn't her I had asked, since I would never ask her again as she loves to tell people what to do, so I sent a funny lady with a whip GIF and she said "exactly."

      Then two weeks ago, we went out with her one evening, and I did something that made my wife upset (which I was later punished for as part of the weekly check-in that we have). At the time, I didn't even notice that my wife was mad.

      We went out together again last week for my birthday, and she said "this time I see that you aren't doing like last time" (the thing that made my wife mad, so obviously she had noticed), and then she commented that maybe I wouldn't get in too much trouble for anything since it is my birthday, and my wife responded that I had been a pretty good boy all week. And that is the end of everything that has transpired.

      So, in short, she knows that my wife holds me accountable but she doesn't know that my wife spanks me, though I kind of think that at least she suspects that.

      -ZM



      -ZM

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    2. ZM, it sounds like she does more than "suspect"!

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    3. Hi Dan,
      She certainly knows about the accountability thing, but I have no idea if she really thinks I get spanked. Though it was referenced a couple of times, it was in a very lighthearted, joking manner. I guess time will tell, since she is someone with no filters whatsoever, so if she is curious, she will just ask at some point.

      -ZM

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  2. Hi Dan,
    Regarding moving forward on the behavior front: I sense your frustration and offer what has worked for us. First following Aunt Kay’s original advice, we developed a list of behaviors that were problems for one or both of us. Very important at that point was that we both agreed that the behavior needed to change. In short we both needed to buy into it as a goal whether it was relatively trivial or later when the behaviors were serious issues. That buy in by both of us was crucial. I think the original list numbered around a dozen and it ranged from annoyances like my (then) chronic habit of being 10 or 15 minutes late for dates to smoking. Next ,also following Aunt Kay, we prioritized the list to 2 or 3 things to emphasize, picking middle range things rather than the most challenging behaviors, eventually working up to the most serious issues. We actually started with a cliché, leaving the commode seat up and one other. But even these “easy” ones established the habit of compliance and the reality of consequences. We dealt with the accountability issue by her committing to ask me as often as every day whether I was “disobedient” (i.e. violated one of her rules) – and me committing to never lie to her about that. She also committed to being consistent which meant if I confessed to disobedience I would be punished,, no exceptions This made it unnecessary for her to monitor my behavior ( beyond the regular interrogations) and it turned out to be the feature about our system we both liked most. She doesn’t like to monitor and while I find it hard to ask for a spanking or “out” myself, I find it’s very easy to be truthful with her when she interrogates me even when I know I am in trouble. Looking back on this the two thing that seem most important to it working are first our commitment as a couple to modifying the behavior – and second her follow up including regularly interrogating me. I don’t want to leave the impression we have dealt with all my problem behaviors this way. There are some she is very comfortable dealing with on a recurring basis knowing when she spanks me for one of them, it will be a long time before she has to do it again. My reoccurring bad behavior around holidays is a good example and so is my occasional temper tantrum (which once were not so occasional). But she has also eradicated several other behaviors including smoking, excessive flirting and any hint of untruthfulness. I hope some of this is useful.
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan,
      I think the interrogation thing is pretty much what we are doing with the weekly check-ins. She has previously said that she doesn't want me to self-report, but in fact that is exactly what I am doing on most items, except that it is at her prompting/interrogating.

      We have some things that we have truly fixed with spanking which now generally are no longer a problem, or if so, at much, much less frequency than before. However, we also have items that we are working on (like procrastination) that are so ingrained and such a part of my normal habits that almost every week we talk about them, and probably it will take a long time to completely change them.

      -ZM

      -ZM

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    2. I think our failure when it comes to execution is really joint, and two sides of the same coin. For me, it is a failure to report. For her, it is a failure to interrogate.

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    3. ZM,
      I can understand how your wife would discourage self-reporting because while the motive for doing so might be as pure as the driven snow- it can easily come off as topping from below, making her fell pressure to "perform" rather than to be in charge. Interrogation switches that dynamic putting her completely in control and allowing her to determine if an issue is timely to address or not. Interrogation puts responsibility on a wife but she gets to decide when and how to discharge that responsibility. I know I don't need to remind you of this, but committing to never be untruthful with her makes it all work once she has committed to regular interrogation
      Alan

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    4. Hi Dan and Alan,
      Dan, I totally get what you said about the two sides of the same coin. I am fortunate because my wife is very, very good at keeping things on schedule, and there is no chance that she will just let it slip by the wayside. When we were doing this before, it stopped only because suddenly we had a house full of teenagers (returns from college plus our high-schooler), and it just simply became impossible to get ANY time alone at all for a while. So eventually we just kind of gave up on it. This time, we have much more freedom, so I think it will last, especially since she has started to notice and comment on the positive results it is generating.

      And Alan, I think we are exactly on the same wavelength about the difference between self-initiated self-reporting and self-reporting in response to interrogation. With interrogation the power structure is reinforced, whereas (as you pointed out) self-initiated self-reporting can easily upset or weaken or undermine the power structure. By her making the decision to interrogate, she has also - at least implicitly if not explicitly - made the decision to act upon the information that she gets.

      I am fortunate that my wife really takes to the keeping things on schedule and so she totally owns the process. And since this seems to strengthen the power structure, hopefully it will become a virtuous cycle where she feels more and more comfortable with interrogating me and exercising her authority (though she is already pretty comfortable with it).

      -ZM

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  3. This is Belle. Since I came up with this topic, I better reply!

    How about our Disciplinary Wives? What are you thinking about during the lead up to announcing a spanking?
    I used to be very nervous during the lead-up. I would carefully go over my words. I was constantly afraid that Jimmy would laugh at me and just refuse to be punished. We spent so many years together where he was the dominant one and often was rude about it, laughing off my suggestions. I didn't fully believe that he would obey me after years of him not doing so.


    What about when you are actually communicating your decision to give one?
    I was tentative. I would ask questions: "Do you agree that you have earned a paddling?" Like trying to let him talk his way out of it. But to his credit, he never did? He would say, "I'll go get the bath brush," or more often he would just go get it without saying anything and hand it to me and bend over the arm of the couch. His obedience was astonishing, really. It built my confidence immensely.

    Has it changed over time? Have you gone from tentative to confident?
    Yes, very much so. Now, I am bossy about it. "You're going to get it when we get home" when he has been misbehaving in public. "Bring me the brush and assume the position." I've got the lingo down and the attitude to go with it.

    How about when you are ready to deliver?
    I feel strong, powerful. I feel he needs a lesson, and I am the one to give it to him. I can't swing lightly. I bring the brush or belt down with force! I like to see his bottom jump, his head fly up, and hear his moans and groans. Eventually he starts apologizing and promising to be good and never say that word again (or whatever). To have such power over him is incredibly empowering for a wife, particularly a formerly submissive wife. It's also a big-time aphrodisiac.

    How do you feel after you’ve taken care of business?
    That has changed too. At first I used to toss down the implement and stalk out of the room. I felt jittery, high, and needed a way to come down. I didn't want to interact with him.
    But he did want to interact with me, and slowly I let that happen. He wants to hug and snuggle and say he is sorry. He treats me so sweetly. I know he wants to get in my pants after punishment, but I am not allowing that (yet, even though I want it too). But I do crave the sweetness. It's probably the sweetest he is in our entire relationship. I let that linger as long as I can. Sometimes we have snuggled for an hour! He's rock hard for most of it but he doesn't try anything, which is sweet in and of itself. He tells me how much he loves me and how wonderful I am and how much he wants to be a better husband and man. And I think if he could be like this more of the time, instead of running his disrespectful mouth, how great that would be. But I don't want him to lose his swag, either. I love going out with him and have him be the best-looking, most confident man in our entire group. Why can't he be that without the rude comments about women? Do they have to go hand in hand? That's what I am trying to do: Beat the rudeness out of him without him losing his swag. I think I can do it.

    I'll ask him about this post, but he really doesn't like to talk about it much. He find it embarrassing to talk about him being punished. He blushes and averts his eyes. Which is interesting because he doesn't seem embarrassed while it is actually happening, and certainly not afterwards.
    Belle



    How about when you are ready to deliver?

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    1. Hi Belle,
      I totally understand the embarrassment about talking about spanking (other than here, or course). I used to get VERY shy when talking to my wife about it, to the point I could hardly even talk. And even now, when she knows everything about it and we have done everything again and again, still I sometimes find myself feeling shy about it with her.

      -ZM

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    2. It sounds like you have made great progress!

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  4. That is an awesome response Belle....Thanks!

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  5. Interesting topic. Thank you.

    Spankings aren't so much announced to me as agreed upon, either at my gentle prompting that I didn't accomplish something or by an email from an automation we set up. Usually we are not in the same location when this happens, so the communication is over text or email. When it becomes certain that the spanking will happen, I feel satisfied that it's going to be happening, excited and a bit nervous in the pit of my stomach, and guilty that I'll be creating a logistics challenge, as we have children old enough that good spanking opportunities are rare.

    When a convenient time comes, my wife and I wil give each other a little look or nod. She'll say something like, "okay, you ready?" with a bit of a stressed out smile. Or perhaps I'll say, "does now work?" Either way, we'll turn and go downstairs to the room where we do this, usually with me in front as my legs just find themselves walking. At this point, I am feeling quite nervous in my stomach, more because of doubts about what we are doing than the spanking itself. Is this the one that's going to ruin our marriage? Does she hate me? Will she suddenly go into action and spank harder than I can handle? Am I going to have to cajole her into doing it enough?

    We hide the implement, a brush, in this room. I hand it to her, half wondering if we should introduce an implement she can wield better. I love the way she looks holding it, regardless of what she's wearing, and I wish I could just look at her for a bit before turning around, but I'm afraid to show that I like any part of this. I pull down my pants and underwear and lean over a small table we use. If I'm wearing a longer shirt, I am embarrassed that I'm pulling it up to expose myself, and if I am wearing a t-shirt, I feel dressed like a child. I think about completely undressing sometimes. She starts spanking as soon as I'm positioned, no words at all. At this point, I'm just focused on taking the spanking well, and not turning myself away from her, as it does hurt.

    When she's finished, everything is back to normal very quickly with the clothes back up, and perhaps a hug at my initaition as I feel about 5% ready to cry before we go back to our normal lives. I feel some relief that it's over and disappointment that it wasn't thorough enough. I also do feel chastised, or perhaps subdued, as though the chaotic part of me that causes problems is in remission and I can sit down and apply myself. I feel some fear that she wil challenge my request to be spanked by asking me to do a chore that isn't at all part of the fantasy to demonstrate that I actually want improved behavior.

    We occasionally have a conversation about the spanking a few days after but it's awkward. She is very intent on this having no connection to sex, so while I am aware of the post-spanking feeling during whatever sex occurs later that night or the next day, I am mostly concerned not to betray that different feeling to her.

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    1. "I love the way she looks holding it, regardless of what she's wearing, and I wish I could just look at her for a bit before turning around, but I'm afraid to show that I like any part of this." I get this, though it's not a part of our experience. In our case, she almost always picks out implements AFTER I'm already in position. So, it's actually very rare that I see her holding the instrument she intends to use to blister my ass.

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    2. Yes, I like how you describe that part of your experience. I like the idea of having to go ahead and wait in position and I am sure I would have a flood of thoughts about it. However, we're usually putting toddlers in pajamas and looking for school books up until the last minute. :)

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  6. “What are you gentlemen thinking about during that after a spanking has been announced but before it has been delivered?  What about immediately after?” 

    This depends on the circumstances. It has been a while since we had a normal punishment spanking, and pretty much anytime before when a spanking was announced, quite frankly my primary thoughts were about whether it would really happen or not; we were rarely in a position to do the punishment immediately, and it has been my experience that the more time that passes after it is announced, the less likely it is to actually happen.

    Now that we are empty nesters, and since we are doing the “boot camp” with weekly check-ins, that has changed. Now I often know that I have a spanking coming and that it will happen on Monday or latest Tuesday, depending on what else is going on at the time.

    Regardless, in any case, in the time leading up to a spanking it is kind of a nervous anticipation, that is almost exciting in a way. This continues until it starts to get close, at which point everything changes quickly and I find myself VERY much not wanting it to happen. So my thoughts at that point are typically about “why do I even seek this anyway?”, how long and hard she will spank me, and also a certain fear that I will not take it well.

    During a spanking, I mostly just want it to be over and I of course also think about the reason for the punishment. This is where the reason matters the most, since if it is something that I did that hurt her feelings, I would tend to think about that a lot during the actual spanking, and the feelings of guilt and remorse can be even stronger than the feelings of pain. The time that tears happened was in this situation, and I expect that it is only in cases like this that tears may happen again.

    Immediately after the spanking I feel relief that it is over and a huge amount of intimacy with her. I want to hold her, and I so appreciate her.

    And then, about 3-5 minutes later, I generally find myself thinking that it wasn’t really as much as was deserved, no matter how hard and long it was…
     
    As for her, I will ask her about what her thoughts are and if she has anything insightful, I will post it here.

    -ZM

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  7. We don't usually have a lot of "lead-up" to announcing a spanking. If there is any, it's usually because I've noticed he's disobeyed me but he's not home. If that happens, I get this excited feeling and can't wait till he gets home so I can announce to him he's under discipline or I can put him in chastity until it's time for the Disciplinary Session. I get a special thrill of hearing the lock click on his device when I put it on him. It lets me know I'm in Authority. He has to follow protocols when he's under discipline or in chastity and I get a special smile on my face every time he says "Ma'am" or "Miss Cecilia".

    When it's actually time for the Disciplinary Session, the excitement and feeling of Authority builds even more as he goes through the rituals I've decreed. When he's finally across my lap, I raise the implement and take one look at everything, the implement with his lipstick print on it. Then I look at his panties pulled down to the end of his garter straps/top of his stockings, then up to his bare bottom nicely framed by the garter belt and garter straps and finally to his arm I have pinned behind his back right at the band of his bra. I make him layer his scent, so I take in the fragrance of his Chanel #5 (I don't wear it, so I can tell his scent from mine). Right then, I get a rush as I feel my power and Authority and my hand comes down to administer the first of many strokes.

    By the time I have in the corner, I'm feeling the afterglow of teaching him a lesson he needed to learn. The more sniffling I hear, the more I know he's gotten the message I wanted to communicate to him. I'm also very wet, but, you have to be strong, Miss Cecilia and make him spend at least 30 min. in that corner thinking about how he's disobeyed and what were the consequences of his disobedience. Yes, this is all about me, but, the important thing is for him to learn his lesson and learn obedience. After 30 min or an hour, I can have him come out and take care of my needs before I send him back upstairs to fix his makeup and change his lingerie. If he has perspired too much, I will dictate a quick shower and refreshment of his scent.

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  8. This is Liz,
    Because most of our sessions are preventative and regularly scheduled, there isn't a lot of prior communication or surface emotion for either of us. I don't "announce" a spanking or communicate the reasons for giving one. We just meet at the desk that he bends over every Monday morning.

    I can't say I was tentative at the beginning, because I knew that Art needed it to be real. But I have gained in confidence over several years of this. I feel more in charge during these sessions, rather than just providing him what he needs. I don't necessarily swing the paddle harder, but I do it with more authority, if that makes sense. I also have gone from somewhat polite lectures about his arrogance to more of what I would call scolding. I care less about his feelings and more about the change in his behavior.

    I think that at first our sessions were pretty clinical, with little emotion from either of us. Now I express more of my frustration while I am paddling him, and more of a feeling of love and intimacy afterwards. From the very beginning he would thank me for correcting him and give me a peck on the cheek as he headed out the door to work. But I have taken to corralling him in a hug when he gives me that kiss. I want the moment to last a little longer. I am proud of him showing his vulnerability and of delegating to me this authority over him. My hug is a way of showing that.

    What do I do after taking care of business? He usually leaves for work right away, so I am holding the paddle as he exits. I walk slowly through the house to return it to its place hanging in a bedroom closet. Sometimes I twirl the paddle on its leather lanyard. I feel an affinity for tools that work.
    Liz

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    1. Hi Liz. From my perspective, lots of great stuff here:

      "I don't necessarily swing the paddle harder, but I do it with more authority, if that makes sense." It makes perfect sense to me.

      "I also have gone from somewhat polite lectures about his arrogance to more of what I would call scolding. I care less about his feelings and more about the change in his behavior." I think this has a big impact on me really hearing her message.

      "Sometimes I twirl the paddle on its leather lanyard. I feel an affinity for tools that work." I totally get this, in both the everyday sense and where DD is concerned. There are things I've bought over the years that just do the job, and I really have an affinity for those. A pair of hiking boots I've had for over 20 years. A leather bomber jacket that is the warmest coat I own. A particular Camelbak I use for skiing and hiking that is just the right size and has just the right pockets for various gadgets. Likewise, with DD, I know which implements are effective and which are either "too much" or "not enough." Frankly, if I've made one mistake over the years with spanking tools, it's probably buying and keeping way too many of them. I really should get it down to two or three that really do the job.

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  9. Arthur here. Even though it happens every Monday morning (when the kids are in school) I still get a nervous feeling in my stomach when I get the paddle from our bedroom and head for the desk where I know Liz will be waiting. I am wondering, "How many swats will I get today? What will she lecture me about? Have I been arrogant at home this weekend? Is it going to hurt really bad? Will I be wiggling in my seat at work all day?" And a million other questions I can't think of right now. My mind is definitely racing.

    Liz is usually waiting, holding her coffee cup. She is often dressed as a housewife getting ready to do chores, but she looks beautiful to me. She puts down the coffee cup and holds out her hand for the paddle. I think I always gulp as I hand it to her. Then I turn and bend over the desk. My mind is still racing. But after the first few swats, I calm down, though I am grunting and groaning. I can hear her lecture and answer her questions, but I also feel like I am in some kind of dream. The swats definitely hurt, but I know I am getting just what I deserve and it is my job to take it. However many she decides it should be.

    I can answer her questions calmly. I don't have the urge to jump up and rub my bottom. I want to stay in position for her. This is my way of saying I am sorry, not just for my recent behavior but going all the way back to when she took the kids and left for a few days. I still feel guilt about that, and I am paying penance to her through the paddle.

    As others have said, I feel incredibly close to her afterwards. I feel grateful and I thank her. I kiss her goodbye. We hug as she has mentioned. Then I go off to work thinking about not being arrogant.
    Arthur

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    1. It's funny how memorable the sensation is of your work chair against a well-swatted butt. One of my most memorable spankings was very early on. Out of the blue, she called me at work and told me I was to come home at noon to be spanked. I drove there in a fog of worried anticipation. She then gave me a very hard strapping and sent me back to work. I still remember the sensation of sitting there in my office, my butt on fire, with only me knowing I was sitting gingerly.

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  10. A lot depends on what the spanking is for and what my own personal frame of mind is. However, I would say that if there are no underlying issues, I will usually go into a 'get myself mentally prepared' mode in the time before it happens. I find this helps me accept the spanking more productively.

    Afterwards, I am usually what I call "mushy". I feel loved, compliant, and submissive......and most of all forgiven and reconnected. I can also feel a bit of pride in my Honey for being confident enough to use her authority to solve a problem.

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    1. This is really close to my feelings, especially your "afterwards" feelings

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    2. Hi KD,
      I totally get the whole "mushy" thing. I feel pretty much exactly the same way, and combined with the incredible intimacy of her correcting me and the clearing of the slate, it is a pretty emotion-filled time and really strengthens the bond between us.

      -ZM

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  11. On a side note, my brain is very sure that the woman carrying the washbasin is the same woman kneeling on the bed. Two spankers in her life, apparently.

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