Sunday, June 21, 2020

The Club - Meeting 344 - Most and Least

All, sorry for the delay, but as reported on Sunday, Father's Day weekend found me busier than I expected.  Then Monday found me distracted by other things, and it's kind of the same thing today. I was planning to just say "no post this week," but then Belle suggested a topic, below.

"I have noticed that I actually enjoy lording it over my husband with the bath brush. So I thought that might be a topic for both the guys and the women: what do you like most about your DD relationship? And what do you like least? What has surprised you the most? If only one of the couple participates here, you could suggest that person ask their partner so we get as many responses as possible."

Since I have nothing else for the week, let's go with that one.

 

56 comments:

  1. I have noticed that I actually enjoy lording it over my husband with the bath brush. So I thought that might be a topic for both the guys and the women: what do you like most about your DD relationship? And what do you like least? What has surprised you the most? If only one of the couple participates here, you could suggest that person ask their partner so we get as many responses as possible.
    Belle

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  2. Dev says she doesn’t enjoy giving a spanking but won’t hesitate to give one when needed. She has a Spenser paddle she uses often but has many other implements as well. Since reading this site she now carries a wooden hairbrush in her purse. JR

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  3. Dan, Belle,
    "What do you like most about your DD relationship?"
    I love that my husband wants to be submissive and says he needs DD. It is voluntary, not forced. We're in our early 50s and he can get supercharged when it comes to intimacy. He likes doing chores and treating me like royalty. When I dress provocatively and apply some DD he's mush. We've both explored DD and some kinks, and he loves those, naturally. My sister, whom I will visit this weekend, thinks I'm too permissive with my husband (if she knew I call the shots). She doesn't believe it’s a smart idea to let him go overnight on things like camping trips. I trust him. He needs a change from time to time. Its healthy. He always comes home to me. He absolutely knows he wouldn't sit down for a long time or go on any future outings if he broke my rules and had issues. "The cane hurts" says my husband.

    And what do you like least?
    Basically, there's not too much I dislike. I'd love to share information about my marriage and our happiness with my sister, but I can't. She and her husband aren't open minded. I've also asked for some discipline for me in the past so that I could share in the fun. He won't.

    What has surprised you the most?"
    We can slip into and out of our D/s roles to discuss major issues and fall back into them easily. To date, according to my husband, I've don't a good job at avoiding where I get too cruel or nasty. I don't need to be that way and I care too much for him. My husband was reading this answer, just now, and said "he agrees". I’ll encourage him to answer.

    CarolH.

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    1. "He likes doing chores and treating me like royalty." That would have appeared on my list of *least* favorite things!

      Delete
    2. Dan,
      I got a chuckle...
      ""He likes doing chores and treating me like royalty." That would have appeared on my list of *least* favorite things!"
      I have a strong personality and I would not want to be submissive so I know exactly what you mean. My husband is submissive by nature and is driven by a need or fetish to feel more submissive. Believe me when I tell you I am not complaining, even if it ends up being a little more responsibility to keep him happy, motivated and disciplined when he needs it. He heard there's going to be another management bonus because goals were exceeded in a prior quarter, though the payment will be smaller. Dominant wife Carol already told him he's not to touch the bonus in case he has any ideas. Ironically, when I told him part of the payment will be used to get a new dishwasher for him (he uses it) he smiled. I'm taking the rest and reminded him about what I consider a lavish anniversary gift I bought him. I'll pitch in and help with chores if there's a real need, but I tell him he's now entered the submissive zone. I also work in the same field as my husband, but with the extra free time I have I almost feel wealthy.
      CarolH.

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  4. My wife has told me her very favorite part of the spanking itself is me becoming like a “little boy”, about to be paddled, nervous, very subdued, embarrassed, somewhat incoherent and very obedient. This is more likely to happen in a drawn out punishment with lots of scolding, probing interrogations and other “humbling exercises”. My voice becomes very low and my whole demeanor seems altered. the other things she has mentioned many times is that she relishes the sounds of a spanking, the crack of the strap, thud of the wooden paddle and especially swish of the cane. This latter reveal has been a surprise to me because it’s not particularly a part of spanking that I fantasize about or remember. But it seems to act in some ways as an aphrodisiac on her. My favorite part of spanking is probably when it is over if I have taken it well as well as the feeling of safety that being a disciplined husband provides. As long as she disciplines my behavior I know I will never go too far off the rails or do things destructive to our relationship. That has given me a confidence I never had prior to her discipline (I should acknowledge I did benefit greatly from my former girlfriend’s discipline (I have recently discovered that she probably reads this blog, so I need to be transparent here)
    Alan

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    1. My wife has said something similar to your first sentence.

      Interesting that your former girlfriend may be a reader here.

      Delete
    2. "Interesting that your former girlfriend may be a reader here" My sense is that quite a few women either in F/M relationships or interested in them are tracking your blog. I hope even more comment. I have learned a lot from those who have shared their views and experiences
      Alan

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    3. If you're right, I do hope more of them will stop by and engage.

      Delete
  5. On an extremely simplistic basis I could just say: I like it best when it solves problems and least when it leads to them. And I suppose I could add that I really really like it when it not only solves problems, but resolves feelings while also bringing us closer and maybe even acts to "scratch an itch" at the same time. That's DD at its finest.

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  6. This is Belle, and I got answers from Jimmy that follow,
    What do you like most about your DD relationship?
    I like so many things. I like actually being able to change his behavior. I like the sense of power and authority. I like being able to stop arguments immediately by ordering a spanking. I like the increased level of respect I am getting from him. I like seeing his cute butt facing me. I like the sound of the bath brush as it smacks him. I like being able to make him apologize and promise to be good and beg me to stop. I like how subdued and respectful and affectionate he is after being punished.

    And what do you like least?
    There is very little I don't like. I guess maybe feeling like his mom when I am punishing him. I find that a bit confusing. But I try not to dwell on it.

    What has surprised you the most?
    I think what has surprised me the most is his reaction after being punished. He wants to hug and kiss me. Sometimes he thanks me! When the pain subsides a bit, he gets aroused and wants to have sex. That gets me aroused as well, and I look forward to us being completely back together so that can happen.

    Jimmy's answers (he wrote this out and I corrected his grammar):
    What do you like most about your DD relationship?
    I think it's really hot when Belle takes charge. She's this tiny little thing, 5-foot-2 and 105 pounds, and it's really sexy when she starts bossing me around and threatening to punish me when I know I could stop her any time I want. I can't really explain it. There's something about her confidence, where she believes she really is in charge, that makes me want to let her be in charge. And it's really sexy.

    And what do you like least?
    Definitely that damn bath brush. It is really painful. Much worse than I imagined. She doesn't tap lightly with it either. She swings it really hard. I played football in high school and thought I was a tough guy, but she can make me beg her to stop. I wish she didn't spank quite so hard. I think I would still get the message.

    What has surprised you the most?
    One, how she took to it. I was really nervous when I brought it up to her, but she just went for it.
    Two, it really has helped our relationship. For one thing, I am more respectful. But I think more important is that she has this sense of authority that she never had before. I guess I never let her have it before. I want us back together all the way, and she is the one making us wait. But I understand that she has to be confident that things will be different. Her ability to punish me is what makes our relationship different, and I think she sees that. It's just taking a little time.

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    1. Yeah, the bath brush pretty much sucks.

      Delete
    2. Belle,
      You may be the first woman to train her guy before having sex with him, or I guess more precisely while currently refusing sex with him.( at least on this blog but I suspect it's quite rare anywhere). That is quite an accomplishment if you pull it off.
      Alan

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    3. I think denial and the bath brush work in tandem. One enhances the other to build my authority. It drives him absolutely nuts with frustration because he takes his punishment and does whatever I say and still doesn't get any pussy. He will eventually, of course. On my terms! And the fact he know how good we are bed makes it even harder for him. So change, Jimmy!
      Belle

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    4. Since I always kept the bathrooms and showers clean and stocked I made a point on never having bath brushes in there. Each time I put in a new loofa sponge I felt like I was getting away with something. Which was just my private illusion since she had several bath brushes in her implement collection anyway. And I'd wager 10 - 1 that she knew exactly what was going on.

      Delete
    5. Loofa versus bath brush -- good call on your part to keep as few of the latter around as possible.

      Delete
    6. I had Jimmy hang the bath brush right outside the shower in the bathroom so that each time either of us goes in there we are reminded of its dual usage. I've tapped myself on the behind with it in the shower to get a bit of a feel what it might be like. Yikes!
      Belle

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  7. Arthur here. What I like most about DD is that it is helping me to be a better husband, father, employee and person. It holds in check my natural inclination toward arrogance and sarcasm.
    What I like least about it is that my wife's mother knows. Even though she doesn't bring it up, I feel embarrassed around her. Especially since she suggested it. Sometimes she gives me a certain look and I believe she is enjoying knowing that her daughter spanks me.
    What surprises me the most is how naturally my wife accepted my request. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised because she was brought up in a spanking household. But I only half expected her to go forward with DD. There have been a few moments of being sorry that I got what I asked for.
    Arthur

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    Replies
    1. I can't imagine my in-laws, or my own parents, knowing.

      Delete
    2. Dan,
      When you said, "I can't imagine my in-laws, or my own parents, knowing," it made me think that even if my older sister was more approachable and open minded when it came to DD and FLR, I'm not so sure I would want her to know erotic details, especially the ones that are on the FLR side. Some people are very open about it and I believe that's great. Unless others are into practicing DD or a FLR, I'd prefer not to share too much. When I visit my sister this weekend, my husband will be home (he was welcome to come but has to work a few hours on Saturday). Once his system work is complete, he will be working to repair a shelf and organize two closets I use. He must also answer Facetime calls without delay. This is discipline because he promised and promised to fix the shelf and never did. And now he has to straighten out the contents of the closets (I've already gotten rid of old clothes). If he wants to go on his camping trip he knows he MUST do this. Probably a turn on for him at some level, but some things could never be comfortably shared with relatives.
      CarolH.

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    3. For me, the aversion is really centered on parents. I have siblings, and while I probably would never go out of my way to share anything like this with them, I also wouldn't care that much if they knew. And, my aversion to some relatives knowing doesn't extend to some friends. The first (and only live, non-blogging related) person I told about DD was a mutual female friend. She is pretty vanilla (as far as I know) but also totally open-minded. The spanking and DD kink isn't for her, but she has a very "whatever turns your crank" attitude toward most things.

      Delete
    4. Dan,
      "For me, the aversion is really centered on parents. I have siblings, and while I probably would never go out of my way to share anything like this with them, I also wouldn't care that much if they knew."
      Yes, it wouldn't be the end of the world if my sister or brothers knew my DD/FLR secret. My husband does so much for me that they might think I've done pretty good being the baby of the family. There's a part of me that would just enjoy telling my sister as we sit in her backyard drinking wine that my husband is home organizing and cleaning my closets. And, he won't be wearing much more that a red satin panties as he does it, which is why I'm going to be talking to him a few times on Facetime. He'd be so upset if they knew, but I won't do that and I'll call him discretely.
      CarolH.

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    5. Arthur mentioned being a "better employee". And it brought to mind the story a couple from the old DWC days. The man married a woman who had a teenage son. She was an unapologetic spanking disciplinarian and if the kid messed up, had a bad report card, etc. she took him in the bedroom and spanked the daylights out of him.

      Hubby did a lot of his work out of the home - maybe accounting - I don't recall. I think there as some element of it that she helped him with.

      It was a small house and hubby, who didn't even know he had a spanking interest, clearly heard everything, and found himself basically turned on by it. He wrote to Aunt Kay and she encouraged him to talk to his wife about it which he did. She agreed on the condition that there could absolutely be no changing his mind.

      What resulted in the long run was that their business improved dramatically to the point of their upgrading their home and lifestyle. "Better employee"

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  8. This is Liz.
    What I like most about our DD is how effective it is. I have only had to paddle Art a couple of times for his behavior toward the kids. I think my leaving him temporarily was a huge wake up call and he would have been better even without the paddle. But since I began paddling him right after we reunited, it's hard to separate the two.
    It has been less effective with his attitudes at work, but they still are much better than before, at least according to him.
    What do I like least about our DD? Sometimes it feels like a chore. I may not be in the mood, but we do it every Monday morning anyway when the kids are in school. I don't feel like I can say no.
    What has surprised me the most about it?
    I have been surprised by the enjoyment I feel in having power over my husband. Since he is the head of the household, I did not think I would want or enjoy this power. But it has been good.
    I also was surprised that I didn't think of using DD myself before my husband suggested it. Since it was in use by my parents, you would think that I would have thought of it. But I had a blind spot, trying to be the best modern-day version of the 50s wife I could be. But some of them spanked their husbands, too, my mom being one example.
    Liz

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    1. Regarding your reference to 50s wives who spanked, I used to assume that DD was a modern thing, then I found this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w51LsY9zN-Y.
      Not quite the 50s, but still over 50 years ago.

      Delete
    2. Liz's change of opinion on spanking reminds me of Holly who used to comment. It's interesting that both of them adopted spanking after first rejecting it even though both had mothers who spanked. Common sense suggests that if your parents used spanking in their marriage, you would be more likely to do so or at least more open to trying it. That may not be so
      Alan

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    3. Alan, agreed. It does seem like exposure to adult discipline would make the adult children more likely to try it, but based on our very limited data set. It doesn't seem so. And, as I recall, Holly actually consciously decided she did NOT want to use spanking in her own marriage because she originally had issues with her mother's approach to it. But, she came around after nothing was working with her husband.

      Delete
    4. Dan, that Mama Spanks song is really cute. Does not seem like 1967 at all!
      My mom was my role model of course, and she did the 50s wife thing even though it was the 70s and 80s and 90s. So I got all of that: mom raises the kids, keeps the house neat, looks attractive for her husband. The stereotype of the 50s wife sometimes includes the wife being spanked by her husband, but certainly not her turning the tables. So I got the stereotype but not my parents' special twist. Why not? I don't know. Maybe because I like to be spanked erotically and be in that submissive posture - literally - so i didn't think I could dominate my husband in any way. Maybe because my parents kept it a secret. Nobody would have believed my dad got spanked, and they never discussed it with the kids. It just didn't seem like a possible tool to me. I did not think about it and reject it, as you describe Holly. Rather, i did not think about it. Weird, but true. Caught in the wife stereotype, I guess. Took my mom and Art to get out of it.
      Liz

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    5. Liz, I kind of get how that could happen. My wife and I have been doing this for almost 15 years. Yet, even when she's really irritated or pissed off at me, it often doesn't occur to her to spank for it. So, I get how your mind just might not go there, particularly if it wasn't something your parents were all that open about. Also, as the Holly example shows, I think familial influence swings both ways -- sometimes we imitate what we see; other times we reject it, block it, or ignore it. Looking back, I think I did unconsciously emulate certain things about my parents, but really broad ones. I got my love of books from my mom. Way more than I ever would have predicted, I got an anti-authoritarian bent and unwillingness to bend from my father. But, I can't say that my approach to personal relationships is remotely similar to either of them.

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    6. What an absolutely delightful song.

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    7. Isn't it? And according to the Youtube page, it was #5 in the country at one point. Yet, I'd never heard of it until a couple of years ago when I did a topic on spanking in song lyrics and pop culture.

      Delete
    8. Speaking of songs. I don't recall much if any discussion about the use of music during a spanking session. Aunt Kay loved music and occasionally put on a song she wanted to listen to accompanying a session.

      Let me be clear. The music component only came in when it was not an especially serious session. All I can say is when I heard Ricky Martin's "Living the Vida Loca", I knew there were going to be a whole lot of fast paced swats. I'm sure she was smiling a lot at those times. But my viewpoint was too limited to verify.

      Delete
  9. Danielle here:

    What do you like most, what do you like least about FLR is a discussion Wayne and I have had many times over the years. He has always been the initiator of that discussion. I think that’s because he feels a little insecure about FLR, since he’s the one who asked for it and I was reluctant. It’s a variant on the classic question, “Was that as good for you as it was for me?” ;-)

    What do I like about DD/FLR? I like the feeling of empowerment. I like the perks of power, especially the redistribution of domestic labor in my favor. I like that I can curb my husband’s proud, argumentative nature with a good paddling. I like that there are things I can do to make my husband horny because that makes me feel sexy. I like having foot massages whenever I want. Who wouldn’t? ;-)

    What don’t I like? Nothing in particular. But it isn’t a relationship cure-all. Sometimes it is hard to stay in a FLR groove, especially when there are health issues, and then you can feel as though things should be going differently, and worrying about that can add an additional layer of stress. I think KD’s answer was alluding to that.

    What has surprised me the most? I was surprised that it actually worked to save my marriage. I was surprised to discover that some of my husband’s femdom kinks could turn me on too. I’ll leave it at that.

    I put the questions to Wayne anew, and his answers weren’t much of a surprise. I’ll paraphrase them.

    What do you like most about FLR? The sexual excitement. The way it reinvigorated our sex life. The way even boring things like housework have been eroticized. The fact that we no longer have long drawn out arguments or stand-offs because we are both too proud to back down. The eroticism of spanking makes it easier for him to back down and say he’s sorry.

    What do you like least? Though the unfair distribution of housework is sexually exciting on one level, it still feels unfair sometimes, and boring work is still boring. Having to drop things he is doing sometimes because I want him to do something else when I say so. Turning of the TV or the computer and going to bed when I say so. Sometimes there are long periods with no particular D/s dynamic and he may feel frustrated because he feels that he has less control over that than I do. He would prefer just being spanked to some of the non-spanking disciplinary measures I use.

    What has surprised him the most? We have done things way kinkier than he ever expected.

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    1. Danielle, Dan
      Danielle said, "What has surprised him the most? We have done things way kinkier than he ever expected."
      My husband has expressed that to me a few times. Without pressing the envelope on the blog, I will say that trying something different can work and can bring new excitement into a relationship. My husband and I are very close. We can discuss anything, even something intimate that might have once been awkward.

      Danielle said about what she likes about FLR, "The way it reinvigorated our sex life. The way even boring things like housework have been eroticized. The eroticism of spanking makes it easier for him to back down and say he’s sorry."
      I agree completely. Our intimacy began to trail off for a time. Of course, my husband and I have different opinions. We discuss issues being civil to each other. We don't have many arguments. If we do in the end I have the final say and he agreed to this. I certainly try never to be close minded to what my husband suggests. Not hearing his input or concern on something would make him more unhappy than overruling him does. The only thing that gets him in trouble is yelling or being disrespectful.
      Regards,
      CarolH

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    2. >>>>>I think KD’s answer was alluding to that.<<<<<< Actually, my friend, it wasn't. When I said the worst was when DD leads to problems, I meant precisely that.....times when DD is brought up for volatile issues where the use of DD seems unfair or inappropriate. Resentment is never a good thing for a relationship regardless of what causes it, DD is no exception, because DD CAN cause resentment instead of resolution.

      Delete
    3. "I think that’s because he feels a little insecure about FLR, since he’s the one who asked for it and I was reluctant. It’s a variant on the classic question, “Was that as good for you as it was for me?” ;-)"

      That was a big concern of mine in the beginning. I probably over-communicated about DD because I wanted to make sure she was actually OK with it and not just reluctantly accommodating me.

      Delete
  10. What do I like the most?

    It showed me I didn't have to be mousey in a relationship. I could keep a guy and still have my wishes respected. I love my job and one reason for it is I'm pretty much in charge there which means I get to be bossy. I'm a very demanding customer, too. Of course, it's not like I expect Ruth's Chris from McDonald's, but, I expect to get what I pay for and if I'm not, somebody knows about it. I'm not a Karen about it, I'm always polite but assertive. I do like being bossy, though.

    I never could be that way in a relationship because I was always afraid I'd lose the guy. My husband showed me I can have my way and still keep a guy.

    What do I like the least?

    His makeup runs when I spank him. It ran even when spankings didn't bring tears, since spankings make him sweat. Now that spankings bring tears, his makeup runs even more. Since it's usually a Disciplinary Session at our house rather than just a spanking and it's over, I have to send him upstairs to his vanity a couple of times during a Session to fix his makeup. I try to even look on the bright side of that, though, since I require him to sit at the vanity. He tried fixing his makeup in the bathroom once. I caught him the first time he tried it. It was the last time he tried it.

    What surprised me the most? This is one of the things a commenter said a couple of weeks ago might be better not said. He mentioned if you think it shouldn't be said on this blog, maybe it shouldn't. What surprised me is one of those things. It's funny, some of the stuff I read and pro Dominatrixes I asked about it said it might happen, but, I really didn't think it would, until it did. While I stress I'm a Disciplinarian not a Dominatrix, I did ask some of the pros who regularly see clients at my hotel for some tips and I asked them some questions, too before spanking husband (who was boyfriend, then) the first time. I still ask them questions from time to time.

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    1. "I'm not a Karen about it, I'm always polite but assertive. I do like being bossy, though." I wonder if there is a hidden correlation between DD and Karen-like behavior? :-)

      Delete
    2. Miss Cecilia,
      I may have missed this if you discussed it earlier, but why do you feminize your husband as part of his discipline. Is it something he needs or does it make discipline more effective or did you impose it for other reasons? I understand panties which my wife uses occasionally to tame my ego or reinforce a spanking. So I sort of get the dynamics of it. But your uses of it seems to go well beyond making him wear panties. If you can, would you elaborate upon why you feminize him as part of his discipline and the origin of it in your relationship. As you describe in your post, it seems to interfere with the discipline itself, (“I have to send him upstairs to his vanity a couple of times during a Session to fix his makeup”.). So I am curious about why you use it considering the problems it seems to cause. Thanks for anything you care to share
      Alan

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  11. (For context, we are still working through our off-and-on-again DD, and not sailing smoothly with it.)

    I like that I get spanked the most. Maybe that's too simple, but it's quite amazing to have such a deep need fulfilled.

    The constant planning required is the worst part. It's like other hobbies in that you have less free time each week if you are having regular sessions. It also takes up some electronic communication time and energy.

    Surprising was how banal it can be to get spanked by your wife. It can feel like a chore if the spanking is enforcing an unsurprising system of rules. When energy is low you only stick with it so it'll be there when you really want it. I did not expect that at all, considering how much I need and want this.

    Another small surprise was how hard it can be to keep my legs straight and not twist away from the strikes. It embarrasses my masculinity when I do that, which is unpleasant but probably good for me.

    For her, the worst is conflict between wanting something that helps me and wanting me to be a certain way. She would be really happy if my interest in receiving DD disappeared overnight. I honestly don't think there is anything she likes other than that I am finding the courage to ask for what I really want, and some of the objective benefits I've told her about. Needless to say, I am very thankful for whatever she is willing to provide.

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    1. It's too bad she isn't getting more out of it.

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    2. Dan, it really is. I can't help but feel guilty about the asymmetry there. I suspect it's better for our marriage to have my preference out in the open though.

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    3. MW.....I can completely relate.....would be great to talk to someone going through the same relationship dynamic as it relates to this.

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  12. After much soul searching I have come to the conclusion that I like ever aspect of my wife's discipline. Originally it started as stress release form my work. She just knew when I needed it as was more than happy to oblige. How lucky is that! It has taken a while for her to get the courage to really thrash me when required and the pain is very real, but I would never stop any sort of spanking or caning. Being her 'naughty boy' and stood in the corner is all part of it. Suddenly my mind clears and I can just focus on what it to happen. This is not to say she is totally in control of me in all ways. We are very much 50/50 in all things, except when she orders me to the bedroom for the bath brush or cane. Sorry if I have digressed a bit from the main points!
    Martin

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    1. Thanks, Martin. Sounds like it's working out well for you both.

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  13. This is Mary.
    I showed Tom your website and let him know that I have been posting as Mary. (I installed Net Nanny on the computer three years ago to cut off porn habit so he has not had access.) I told him he should answer the questions and I will review his answers. I promised that he would not be punished if he was honest.
    From Tom
    Likes. I love how she took charge. I love the order she has brought to my life. She has helped me become the things I always wanted to be. I love the sex. A good spanking, some time between her legs, then she mounts me or gives me a wonderful hand job. My married friends only have sex a week at most. As long as I do what I am told, I get a lot.
    Dislikes. I hate non spanking punishments particularly being grounded. Making up excuse for canceling plans is no fun. When she gives me a 9 o’clock bedtime, I have to be under the covers by 9. That means I cannot see the end of a TV show I may have been watching. I really miss getting a blow job. She was so good at it but she says that it is not appropriate.
    Surprises. The biggest surprise is how easily we both got into our roles. She is so comfortable as the Head of Household and so am I as a submissive spouse.
    Mary again. Well, I think he may have laid it on a little heavy in claiming to love my authority but I won’t spank him for that. I will just make him live up to it. I did feel sorry for him with his yearning for a blowjob. So I have promised him, if he is real good, his penis can have some kisses for his birthday this August.

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  14. Hi Alan,
    “ My sense is that quite a few women either in F/M relationships or interested in them are tracking your blog.”

    While that is a compelling thought and would be nice, my gut feel is that it is unlikely. One observation that I would make - which we have also discussed before here as well - is that in these types of relationships (whether F/M or M/F) it is almost but not completely without exception the one who feels the need to be spanked or disciplined who initiates the DD relationship and who is much more “into” the whole thing. In fact, this forum is the only place I have seen that seems to attract many women who almost seem to be more passionate about DD than their husbands, which flies in the face of everything I have ever seen before.

    Anyway, all that is to say that I really kind of doubt that there are many Females who are interested in F/M relationships lurking here, because the “tops” are usually not nearly as obsessive as the “bottoms” (borrowing some BDSM terminology much as I prefer not to).

    -ZM

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    1. What you say, ZM, about wives not being as keen about F/M relationships as their husbands describes my wife. But a couple of evenings ago, as she was beginning to paddle me (to please me), she used the occasion to scold me for something I did that morning, and she soon had me apologizing. I like to think that this was a bit of unofficial DD. I would welcome more of it.

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    2. Make sure you go out of your way to share that w HER as u thank her!!!!

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  15. Hi anonymous,
    It is a pretty great thing when your wife gets into it a bit! My wife took to it amazingly well, considering she had never even heard of the concept before. She now brings up the subject about as much as I do, though she still often forgets it is an option so often doesn’t go to it in the moment. Having said that, even though she really gets into it, I could not see her seeking out the blog on her own, reading it, and certainly not commenting on it.

    I was not trying to say that wives may not really get into their role or even get off on the exercise of power, since I know that at least mine does. However, it seems that the recipient, whether male or female, usually is the one who has a deep seated need for it and craves it much more, often to the point of obsession. Their partner might be very accommodating and may even love doing it, but still they usually lack the “drive” that compels them to seek out blogs, etc.

    Disclaimer: as you move more to the BDSM side of the spectrum, I think some tops are also more passionate about it, but that seems less true on the DD side.

    -ZM

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    1. My husband found this blog and showed it to me. I decided to comment because there is an intelligent exchange of ideas and as I understand it there are few blogs on this topic that are not about titillation. And because Dan specifically asked the wives to participate. Dan has done a great job of keeping this blog as a discussion forum of important DD issues, not as a way for guys to get their jollies.
      Liz

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    2. Hi Liz,
      Very true that Dan does an excellent job of keeping this blog on topic and doesn’t allow it to turn into more of a fending site. And it is great that we get lots of input from several of the wives. It is a welcome addition.

      My point was merely that I don’t expect that there are multitudes of disciplinary wives sitting silently on the sidelines anxiously waiting to jump in and comment!

      I too showed my wife this blog and we regularly talk about it. I think that is often the way it works in DD relationships where the partner craving discipline has had many years of thinking about it - and perhaps researching - and then they tell their partners about it and lead them to resources.

      -ZM

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    3. That was supposed to be “more of a femdom* site!”

      I am posting from my phone, so I probably won’t even try to respond to the main topic until I z as m in front of my laptop, do it may posted in next week’s topic

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    4. Hi-ZM,
      You should not infer from my post above that I was suggesting more women are initiating F/M relationships. There are probably a few and in this era of increasing female empowerment, more women are freed to act on their needs and there is a population of women (size unknown) that do enjoy spanking men). However it seems clear the lion’s share of F/M relationships are still initiated by the male and so I agree with you on that. But my point in the post was more that women probably already in relationships or considering one are reading and commenting Dan's blog because it has established itself as a friendly, supportive and intelligent forum for exchanging views. On the basis of the comments made overall, I suspect more wives and girlfriends are realizing the benefits of an F/M DD relationship but that I will label a clear speculation. I will say this though, any women on the fence about a DD with her husband or boyfriend has to be encouraged by the many incisive comments made by women in the last several months.
      Alan

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  16. Hi Alan,
    No worries! I wasn't thinking that you were suggesting that more women than men were initiating F/M DD, though I too expect that there are a few. I agree absolutely about the increasing female empowerment, though I think it may take some years before it really manifests as a tangible increase in women spanking men for two reasons. First, while younger women definitely feel much more empowered and free, for many it will still take some age and maturity before they gain the confidence necessary to latch onto this role. And older women are also feeling much more empowered, but based on comments here, in many cases there still seems to be a certain caution in going too far out of traditional gender roles; quite a few of our female contributors over the years have made it very clear that he is still head of household.

    Of course, one of the primary challenges in knowing just what is going on with demographics is the secrecy surrounding it and of course the anonymity offered by the online format. I only know the true identities of a couple of people here, so everyone else can be anyone they wish to be (age, gender, etc.)!

    And yes, Dan's blog seems to have really succeeded at welcoming disciplinary wives, so that is a great thing! Over the past few years that I have been participating, I don't think there has been a time that we didn't have at least 1 or 2 active female contributors.

    Finally, I couldn't agree more about the wives and girlfriends realizing the benefits of an F/M DD relationship. You are exactly right. Any woman who reads this blog for very long will see the many significant benefits of DD.

    -ZM

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