Sunday, June 28, 2020

The Club - Meeting 345 - DD and Parenting


“Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.” - Carl Jung

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships. 

I hope you all had a good week.  The same can’t really be said for the country, unfortunately, with the Coronavirus surging again in 31 states.  So much for it dying on its own accord over the summer.


I want to thank everyone for keeping the conversation going so well last week after I lazily adopted Belle’s comment suggestion and added very little to it in the process.  In the process, some good stuff came out.  A comment by Alan, led to some discussion our audience.  He observed:

“I should acknowledge I did benefit greatly from my former girlfriend’s discipline. (I have recently discovered that she probably reads this blog, so I need to be transparent here.)  My sense is that quite a few women either in F/M relationships or interested in them are tracking your blog. I hope even more comment. I have learned a lot from those who have shared their views and experiences.”

I share ZM’s skepticism of whether it is really the case that quite a few women in F/m relationships for interested them are monitoring the blog, though I hope Alan is right.  It’s always a little disappointing to me that after seven years of blogging on this topic, the total number of simultaneous female commenters seems to stay about the same.  Seems like it’s always kind of gain-one-lose-one.  It would be nice to build up a roster of longer-term female commenters.  Assuming there are some substantial number who encounter the blog in one way or another, Liz laid out a partial prescription for keeping them around:

“My husband found this blog and showed it to me. I decided to comment because there is an intelligent exchange of ideas and as I understand it there are few blogs on this topic that are not about titillation. And because Dan specifically asked the wives to participate.”

I think (hope) I’ve been doing a better job of inviting wives to participate than I did for the first two years of the blog.  I never had any intention to exclude them and, in fact, always hoped they would participate.  I always just kind of assumed that if I phrased topic questions with a husband-centric way, a wife who wanted to respond would just flip things around and comment from the female perspective.  I think that assumption was a mistake, and I’ve tried to be more inclusive in the way I phrase topics.

As for Liz’s kind description of the blog as a place for an intelligent exchange of ideas that don’t center on titillation, that one is harder to pull off and also not always in line with my own inclinations.  I do try to keep the blog focused on exchanges of ideas, views and experiences about Domestic Discipline, but I’m not a prude.  I obviously find a lot of the content I post and others’ stories titillating. And, I’m not a prude by any means.  When Danielle or Carol or other wives allude to kinky activities that are distinct from, but wrapped up in, their DD activities, it definitely perks up my interest.  Recently, I found myself tempted to ask them to expand on those allusions. But, inevitably some guy who reads the blog and is into Femdom would use that as an excuse to post a bunch of nonSexuiturs, and I’d have a very hard time explaining why it’s OK in one instance but not in another.  I hate Potter Stuart-like “I know it when I see it” exercises in line drawing; but sometimes that’s what I’m left with.  Anyway . . . thanks to all of you for the kind thoughts on the blog and its direction.

This week’s topic is one I was thinking of last weekend before I ran out of time to do much with it that week.  It was Father’s Day weekend, and my thoughts were inevitably drawn to my relationship with my kids.  We’ve talked a lot on this blog about the maternal aspects of discipline.



But I think I’ve only once did a full post (Meeting 276 in December of 2018) about the role our interactions with our fathers might have on our openness to Domestic Discipline as an adult.   https://disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com/2018/12/dcc-meeting-276-fathers-sons.html. At that time I was thinking mainly of whether being disciplined by a father might have influenced our commenters openness to DD as adults.

Liz gave us a different angle on this last week.  Growing up, she was aware that her mom disciplined her dad.  In her case, it didn’t seem to have much influence on her own marriage until her husband actually asked for it.  As she said:

“I also was surprised that I didn't think of using DD myself before my husband suggested it. Since it was in use by my parents, you would think that I would have thought of it. But I had a blind spot, trying to be the best modern-day version of the 50s wife I could be. But some of them spanked their husbands, too, my mom being one example.”

This wasn’t the first time she mentioned her early exposure to the idea of F/m adult spanking and discipline. A few weeks ago, she discussed it in the context of how easily she took to spanking once Art requested it:

“I do think I slipped into my disciplinarian role quite easily, but I assumed that was because spanking was so prevalent in my family that it was not considered a big deal. So it is interesting to hear that other women without my background also have been able to adopt the role easily. Maybe it is not that hard to act parental towards men who act childish!”


 Compare that to “Holly,” a commenter from a few years ago who, like Liz, was aware her dad was spanked.  And, her mother appears to be have been even more open about it:

"There wasn’t any time I wasn’t aware of domestic discipline. Mom spanked our dad, never in front of us, but when she took him into the bedroom there was no doubt what was going on and anyone in the house could hear it. I didn’t think much of it except that mom was definitely in charge, which everyone knew anyway."


But, in her case it originally led to an aversion to being a spanking wife. She got over that, however, and as in Liz’s case it was her mother’s insistence that the husband deserved a thrashing that served as the impetus for eventually taking up the paddle

“The amusing thing is that growing up I thought my mother was a bitch for spanking too often and too severely. Now I find although I probably do not spank as often as she did, I certainly spank harder. . . .  Calling me a bitch was what led to my husband’s first appointment with the strap. He had done it before, but my mom heard it for the first time and told me I was a fool for allowing it. There were other things going on at the time, including his general brattiness and temper tantrums when he was frustrated. It was a big change for me, because I had been determined to manage my own marriage differently than my mom had done. But over a period of time, about three years, I saw the same behavior in my husband that had gotten dad in trouble with mom.

Let’s talk a little bit about how DD influences multiple generations and the chains of cause and effect involved.  What was your parent’s attitude toward spanking and discipline and how did it affect, if at all, your own openness to DD as an adult whether you are now spanker or spankee?  Further, how has being a Disciplined Husband or Disciplinary Wife affected you as a parent?  


If you are a husband who is spanked by your wife, does that affect your relationship with your kids in any way?  Does it make you a better father? More attentive and less immature, perhaps?  Does being subject to spanking and being lectured or chastised affect how you interact with your kids?

For the moms, how did your own exposure or lack thereof to spanking as a kid affect your own openness to adult corporal punishment?  Today, has taking a disciplinary role over your husband changed your approach to being a parent in any way?   

Have a good weekend.

25 comments:

  1. That's a hard one for me. Our kids are gone now so I get spanked whenever and where ever my wife sees fit. When the kids were home my wife used to take me to the bedroom and spank me. The kids knew I was getting spanked because the crack of the paddle and me making noises of pain tipped them off. I didn't change how I interacted with the kids. I always felt I was a good father and always did things with the kids. Spankings sure change my attitude when it got out of line. Mt step daughter heard me being spanked most of the time and must have approved because a couple years after she moved into her own home she bought my wife a paddle for a gift which my wife still uses.

    Spankings do work for stress relief attitude adjustment and misbehavior.

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  2. Aunt Kay was always extremely cautious about the kids finding out. So I can hardly imagine what it would have been like if they knew and it was an "accepted part of our lives".

    But when I think about it, every family has their own private side and the openness seems like a good thing. But everything is situational.

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    1. It's amazing, given your experiences leading a pretty robust "club" of men and women who were into this, including making videos, selling pamphlets and products, etc., that your kids didn't know.

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    2. I have always wondered if they knew but said nothing.

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    3. Also, my kids only lived with us half time due to stipulations of a divorce.

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  4. I am a father AND a stepfather, and different degrees of DD were part of both relationships, though a smaller part of my first marriage. We also did whatever we could to keep spankings.....most of which were BDSM-oriented, with only a few being true discipline.....a secret. As such, I can't say it made much of a difference if any in my parenting. Also my ex is a much different mother than Rosa. In my first marriage, I feel my ex was a better candidate for the disciplinary paddle as a mother than I was as a father. I was almost always the "voice of reason" whereas her parenting style was that of a very emotional and inconsistent roller-coaster.

    Fast-forward to being a stepdad in a situation where there was an obvious adjustment period with three kids who I did not raise from birth, and Rosa who is a much more reasonable person than my ex, AND.......the most important difference......DD being a much larger and more frequent part of our household and not a secret. As such, there were far more situations where my direct interactions with my "steps" were flawed and my fault. Not often or frequent.....hell I still think I'm a very reasonable parent......but there were certainly several bad calls on my part.

    Now, in the past with my bio's LOL, I think I just knew them better and made fewer of these blunders, and given the situation, none would lead to anything DD. But, with three kids, from another country, thrust into a new culture and strange house with this older, somewhat hyper "white guy", they were naturally apprehensive. Part of making our DD open was Rosa's desire to empower not only herself, but her kids, who she felt would feel more reassured if they knew that while I was to be respected....I need not be feared.

    As a result, "listening to her" became something they knew applied across the board, not just to them, but me as well. The only difference being the punishment that might follow misbehavior. In the beginning, Rosa made it a point not to hide consequences for bad behavior or bad calls. It was not uncommon for her to openly address some remark from me to her that she didn't like, with a decisive command for me to accompany her to the bedroom...... which is merely yards... and one closed door.... away from just about anywhere they might be. If an action of mine directly affected one of them, she would have no problem directly soliciting quantity recommendations from the offended party, again right in front of whomever was there, and then again taking me by the hand and pulling me to the the bedroom. In either instance, there was no way they could not hear my punishment, and personally I always felt embarrassed emerging from the room to rejoin the household afterwards.....even though no one ever tried to tease me about what happened.....probably knowing Rosa would not take that kindly and perhaps also knowing that they too were just as susceptible to different types of punishment if they messed up.

    So in this situation, I did find myself trying to alter my behavior with each of them and be more sensitive and patient, and not jump to conclusions or accusations that might be inaccurate.

    And, as time went by, as many of you who read my blog know, one kid, Ana (who is definitely no longer a kid LOL) proved herself to be worthy of becoming something of a second-in-command in a pretty real way. But, as anyone who has gotten to know her through my posts knows, she is certainly not your "average person" in terms of maturity, intelligence, and judgement.

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    1. I'm curious, how did it come about that in your first marriage you kept the spanking a secret, but in the second you were open about it from the start?

      "So in this situation, I did find myself trying to alter my behavior with each of them and be more sensitive and patient, and not jump to conclusions or accusations that might be inaccurate." That kind of reflects the few times that I have been spanked for child-rearing issues. It was usually more the result of either teasing that crossed the line into something unintentionally hurtful or impatience. Overall, I think I'm a pretty reasonable parent, and getting there was kind of a miracle if we tend to follow our parent's example. My dad growing up was basically a kid himself and a force of nature to boot, while my mother had a lot in common with your description of your first wife. They were both good people and eventually became surprisingly good grandparents, but what I learned about good parenting definitely was not be following their example.

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    2. In my first marriage our lifestyle was predominantly Femdom and BDSM with very occasional, but real-when-they-happened paddlings for real offences. As such my ex and I both looked at what we were doing as more sexplay than serious DD, and consequently kept it hidden....as would most things of that nature.

      With Rosa, it was her idea......and her kids. I actually had to be convinced by her that it was a good idea, but her arguments for being open made more sense under the circumstances and I went along with it....though not without a bit of trepidation. (I was not retired at that time.) She felt that being open from the start would empower her as someone technically "living with me in MY house" and empower her kids not to be afraid of the tall white Gringo. LOL, And she added it would also allow us to not have plan around them and also teach them that anything consensual adults do in their home is their own choice and there need not be some standard of normality always adhered to. And she was right!

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  5. Dan,
    "When Danielle or Carol or other wives allude to kinky activities that are distinct from, but wrapped up in, their DD activities, it definitely perks up my interest."

    My husband loves these kinky activities. Many enhance his submissive personality and craving. Many are intimate, but not all are physical or sexual. When my husband told me had to work Saturday morning, I decided to travel to visit my sister alone. It isn't far and I stayed over. I know my husband actually enjoyed that I mandated that because he could not go with me, he was to remain at home, clean my closets and do a shelf repair I mentioned in a prior comment. The punishment part was that he cleaned my closets, not just fixed the shelf. I had been asking him to repair it for months. Had he done the repair when I asked, rather than give me excuses, I would have cleaned and straightened them myself. I'm considering making maintenance of my closets his permanent job. I spoke to my husband several times on Facetime to check his work, verbally tease him, and make suggestions. He really did an excellent job and will be rewarded. I know these things turn him on. It is good to be boss.

    "For the moms, how did your own exposure or lack thereof to spanking as a kid affect your own openness to adult corporal punishment? Today, has taking a disciplinary role over your husband changed your approach to being a parent in any way?"

    My siblings and I were not spanked. I was swatted a few times and my brothers were both slapped hard once or twice on their rear ends for staying out way too late, but our parents didn't spank. My sister was grounded several times when she lost shouting matches with mother. I think applying some DD kept my husband very well behaved and he was a caring but fun dad to the kids. I usually applied the discipline to the kids, but they were usually grounded or restricted and never spanked. They didn't get punished often because they were fairly well behaved kids.
    Have a nice week,
    CarolH.

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  6. Dan-

    Hope you've been well (or well as we all can expect these days) I've been a little MIA of late. "Coming back" to last weeks discussion was AWESOME. It was so great sorta going back to basics and hearing all the individual; likes, dislikes, surprises that we experience around DD. Even hearing from someone (MW) who is dealing w the ebb and flow of interest from his wife. (if we could only figure out how we could reach out to individuals here).

    Totally get the challenge you have opening door while not letting it be pushed flying open from some people who are here for the wrong reasons......but have to admit, I'm right there w/ you that when some of the wives allude to the additional/ancillary kinky activities they introduce. After all we all acknowledge there is an erotic underlying component to this. So it leaves me dying to hear more details as well.

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  7. Danielle here:

    Dan wrote: >>> It’s always a little disappointing to me that after seven years of blogging on this topic, the total number of simultaneous female commenters seems to stay about the same. Seems like it’s always kind of gain-one-lose-one. It would be nice to build up a roster of longer-term female commenters.<<<

    Dan, I don’t think you should see a constantly changing roster of women commenters as any kind of failure. If you assume that most DD relationships are initiated by men, isn’t that what you would expect? Let me put it this way. If something happened to me and Wayne became single, he tells me he could never again be in a non-FLR relationship. That is not true for me. I like “wearing the pants” in my marriage, and I have even come to enjoy some of my husband’s femdom kinks, but at the end of the day they are his kinks, not mine. If that is true of most women, I think it is normal for women commenters on a DD blog to come and go while the men stick around.

    Now to your main question. I grew up in a conservative, patriarchal home. My father was the head of the household, but he worked very long hours, so my mother was the disciplinarian. I should add that my mother was actually my stepmother. I never knew my real mother because she died when I was a baby. My stepmother seemed to me like the wicked stepmother of fairy tales. She was much stricter with me than she was with my little brother, who was her own child. That was in part due to patriarchal expectations in our house that I should be my mother’s helper for “women’s work”, but it was also in my opinion due to favoritism. My husband tells me my family was unusual because I got spanked more often than my brother. He says it was the opposite in his family, and he thinks brothers usually get spanked more than sisters because boys are more unruly. In my case, not only did my mother spank me, she sometimes slapped me, pulled my hair, and said hurtful things. That’s one reason I found my husband’s request for DD so off-putting at first. I didn’t want to be like my stepmother in my own eyes.

    I also couldn’t imagine my father ever submitting to a spanking from my mother. He had too much gravitas for that. That isn’t to say that he never gave in to my mother. He often sacrificed his own wishes to placate her, but I think it was because my mother was neurotic, and he said we all had to “make allowances” for her. I only remember being spanked by my father once and that was because I did something dangerous. In general my father didn’t have to spank because I wanted to please him. As a parent, I spanked my boys on occasion, but my aim as a disciplinarian was to be more like my father than my mother. Well, maybe with my husband I channel some of my mother’s excessive strictness, but he likes it, so I think it’s okay.

    Based on my family experience, I was only able to see adult/adult spanking as a sexual kink when my husband asked for it. Why, I wondered, would anyone want that? I was right as concerns him. Looking back on my childhood now, I sometimes think my father should have spanked my mother. To be honest, I would have loved to see that! I hope that doesn’t make me sound too resentful. I feel as though I have forgiven my mother for her treatment of me, but maybe not completely.

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    1. Danielle again:

      Second part of your question. Did spousal DD affect my approach to parenting? No. When my husband first asked for DD, our sons were still under our parental authority, but I rejected my husband’s request. I remember thinking at the time that it would be undesirable for my husband to become like one of my sons to me. When I later agreed to try FLR, our sons were young men, so parental responsibility was less of an issue. At that time, I felt that we should keep our spousal DD secret from our sons because it seemed too sexually intimate to reveal. I also wondered whether it would be healthy for sons to know their father was submissive to their mother. I worried sons might not be able to respect a father who didn’t conform to traditional ideals of masculinity.

      As you know, Dan, one of our adult sons is now living with us, and hiding our FLR from him became too onerous, so I revealed everything to him. He has never seen me spank his father, but he has heard a couple of spankings, and he knows that I am the head of the house in other ways too. That’s embarrassing for Wayne, but he agrees that it’s easier than being secretive. One of the things that made it easier to come out to our son about FLR was that he had come out to us as gay, and he talks pretty openly about his sex life, which makes the kinkiness of FLR seem less kinky now.

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    2. Hi Danielle-

      I remember you mentioning your son coming out but also talking about some D/s aspects in his own life if i'm recalling correctly. Then didn't he either hear or was aware of Wayne getting spanked one time? It jumped out at me then that he hadn't removed himself from the situation either going out or at least upstairs.....which made wonder if he had the interest as well. Or at a minimum kinda enjoyed the idea of Wayne being spanked.

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    3. Danielle,
      "I like “wearing the pants” in my marriage, and I have even come to enjoy some of my husband’s femdom kinks, but at the end of the day they are his kinks, not mine."

      I enjoy wearing the pants too. Danielle really articulated how I feel, but, interestingly enough, I've come up with a few kinks of my own to tease and please my husband and myself. That being said, if I was ever in a non-FLR relationship I might find it difficult picking up the chores my husband does and not making final decisions. I hope that doesn't sound cruel because I never forced him to do housework. He started when we were first married because I was going to school. I used to kid him about being a perfect house husband. I was probably feeding his fetishes. A spanking from time to time reinforced his fetishes. He's doing tasks he wants and loves to serve me. I care about him, and that's why I made him stop for a few hours and take a walk, leave me alone (lol). That's why I don't mind if he makes some trips into the wilderness with his friends. As far as kinks, they aren't a must but some I enjoy.

      He did a beautiful job on my closets and even organized some of my drawers. I decided to get him another collectible he would like, but with the understanding that he'll be assigned to clean my closets again (lol).

      Dan, Danielle,
      "As you know, Dan, one of our adult sons is now living with us, and hiding our FLR from him became too onerous, so I revealed everything to him."

      We never revealed anything to the kids. I'm not being critical if anyone has. We just felt things should be kept private so we grabbed what little privacy we could. It was very little but we had some. I know the kids knew mom was boss, but not in a FLR or D/s capacity. Having a strong FLR was a recent desire for my husband. He says he's loving it and I do enjoy being the boss.

      CarolH.

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    4. Danielle,
      Sorry to hear you had a difficult childhood. I would think that anyone who had childhood issues with physical punishment, such as being slapped and hair pulled, would be hesitant to participate in physical punishment as an adult.
      While my mother spanked me hard with a wooden spoon, sometimes leaving bruises that lasted a few days, I never once thought she didn't love me. Part of that was her softspoken demeanor, even when giving a lecture before putting me over her knee!
      Liz

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  8. There wasn't much spanking in my family, and I don't have any kids, so the generational impact is minimal. The success spanking my husband does lead me to think I might spank my children, especially the boys, if and when we adopt any.

    I was quite surprised when my husband suggested I spank him, and this blog helped me decide to try it. So I am grateful to Dan for that. I wanted Jimmy to keep his swag, and he has, so it's all good so far.

    He was spanked some by his dad but did not describe it as a healthy experience. That is one reason I was surprised. But it is fairly prevalent as foreplay in our social circle, and sometimes as discipline. I don't have a problem with it. It does seem to be quite erotic for him, so any way to control his small head thinking is good for me. I am finding it erotic too.
    I see us reuniting all the way soon, and the bath brush is part of the reason. I need that power over him, and I likely will with kids as well. When you're just a wisp of a thing, as he describes me, you got to have sumthin'
    Belle

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  9. Belle- I'm available for adoption...LOL...LOL

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    1. You should show that comment to your SO. Hopefully she'll whip your ass for it!
      Belle

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  10. This is Arthur. There was very little spanking in my home growing up, even though it happened a lot among some of my friends and at school, though not me.
    The strong generation influence I experienced was through Liz's mom. Liz had told me that her parents were one of those rare couples who spanked each other, so that planted a seed. Then Liz asking me to spank her in the bedroom planted another seed. Plus I knew Liz was very familiar with punishment spankings growing up. She and her mom still joke about mom's large wooden spoon that she still has and does not use for cooking.
    When Liz and I broke up and her mother suggested directly to me that I needed to be "thrashed," the seed was brought alive. I knew she wasn't kidding, though I did go home and think about it. I wouldn't have ever asked Liz if I wasn't already spanking her or if her mom didn't spank her dad.
    Being paddled has made a big difference in how I treat the kids. That was the main purpose and it has worked. I am gentler with them, without the sarcasm that I used to use. I feel closer to them and they feel the same. They have said to Liz that I have changed and they sometimes tease me about my past behavior. I would say that the paddle helped save my marriage. I am much less arrogant at work too.
    Like our childhood experiences, Liz spanks the kids more than me. She has her own wooden spoon in the kitchen. But she says she never used it as much as her mom. As they have gotten older, it has been less and less. I am the one spanked most in our house now.
    When the kids were younger, her mother and father when visiting would occssionally see one of our kids misbehaving and make a comment like "Has he been spanked lately?" Both of them made those comments. Her mother even offered to do it herself a couple times. I always thought they were kidding but now I am not so sure.
    My wife says she doesn't know why her mother's influence didn't lead her to take up the paddle with me much sooner. I honestly wish she had so I could have become a better father and husband sooner. Some of the ways I treated her and the kids years ago was not good.
    I am a bit grateful to her mother for helping initiate all this, but also really embarrassed that she knows. Liz says it's no big deal because her mom is used to husbands being spanked, but I still feel embarrassed.
    Arthur

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  11. I grew up in a spanking household. My parents spanked instead of yelled. They were always calm about it, never spanking in anger. My mom mostly spanked me and my dad mostly spanked my brothers. They got paddled at school too, in much the same way I paddle Art, fully dressed and bent over a desk.
    By the time I was 8 or 9, I was used to the spankings from my mom and they really didn't scare me anymore, even though they still hurt. I loved my parents and I knew they loved me.
    My brothers and I also knew that my parents spanked each other. We never saw it but heard it many times. My mom would squeal and my dad would grunt. We thought it was funny and speculated on what it was for. But they never discussed it with us.
    When I started dating I was surprised that being spanked turned me on. A couple of boyfriends initiated it and after that I took the initiative, including with Art. It was always erotic, not punishment. I guess I wanted it to be different from my parents' spankings of me.
    When we had kids, I told Art I wanted us to spank but not yell, like I was raised. So the generational influence was strong. He agreed but he never spanked much. Instead he lectured with his sarcastic tone. It took me a long time to realize that was as bad as yelling. I tried to talk to him about it but he refused to stop. For whatever reason, it never occurred to me to spank him for it.
    As we have related, my mother suggested to him that he be punished, and he suggested it to me. I quickly agreed. It was not a big deal to me. And it has worked very well.
    I was curious about my parents, so I had a talk with my mom. I started by telling her about us and thanking her for the suggestion. She laughed. She did tell me some about her and dad, who is deceased. He spanked her even before they were married and all through their marriage. They came to a "what is good for the goose is good for the gander" moment when he had done something wrong, and he agreed. From then on, which was when I was about 6 or 7, it went both ways.
    I hardly ever spank my kids now, as they are getting older and are quite well behaved. Funny that as I spank them less I spank Art more.
    I am concerned that he is embarrassed for my mom to know. I want them to be close. I know it's no big deal to her. I wish it wasn't for him.
    Liz

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  12. Mary
    Neither Tom nor I were ever spanked. Tom‘s parents spoiled him and we think his spanking fetish came from his need for needing direction and an authority figure in general. My parents were disciplined and I learned by example. It is my intention that this is how we will handle discipline.
    We have wanted children since we got married but I have held back. I already felt like I had a child. So we have worked at turning Peter Pan from a bad little boy to a good big boy and finally to a responsible adult. I got him a puppy to take care of. I had to use the hairbrush more than once to help him understand that taking care meant accepting responsibility but he eventually learned. He actually might have been able to become a HOH but I have made it clear that the position is now filled.
    There are a lot of practical questions that I am hoping people here could help us with. Not so much about the logistics of spanking him. He generally gets it at night and we can certainly move living room activities to the bedroom. It will be a few years before our children will be old enough to understand what that racket is about.
    Do your kids respect their father even though he is not HOH? That is obvious and kids are perceptive. Did your kids, if they knew, ever discuss with friends the fact that their father was spanked? Is it harder for sons or daughters?
    We do have some of the details worked out. His state job has some wonderful benefits. He can almost automatically go to reduced hours. So he can go to 80% so he can go in after dropping the baby a day care and leave a little early to pick them up. He has personal time and sick time to take care of emergencies. The reduced hours is fairly common in his agency but it is relatively rare for a man. He is very eager although I am not sure he really understands what he is getting into.
    I don’t mean to imply that I am turning child raising over to him. I will be very involved but he will have much of the day to day responsibility.
    I know that some of you are basically older empty nesters. I also think that my generation has it easier than those of you did. Gender roles are much more fluid, jobs are more flexible and, through the internet, we have access to advice. So any help you could give would be greatly appreciated.

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  13. Dan,
    I think you are right to specifically ask wives to participate. We tend to be a little skittish participating in blogs about kinky things that are dominated by men. We want to know there is a moderator who will nip things in the bud when necessary. You seem to be that.
    I also agree that these conversations can get titillating, but that doesn't seem to be the main purpose, as it is so many other places.
    Liz

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  14. Dan, Liz...
    "I think you are right to specifically ask wives to participate. We tend to be a little skittish participating in blogs about kinky things that are dominated by men. We want to know there is a moderator who will nip things in the bud when necessary."

    I agree with Liz about nipping things in the bud. It might be fun to reveal some "titillating" facts in my own comments, but, in reality, they are personal and in all honesty not that wild if you can believe what you read on the internet. It's probably better to keep control of the situation. Once certain doors are open for allowable comments it becomes tough to close them. The blog would change.

    "I am concerned that he is embarrassed for my mom to know. I want them to be close. I know it's no big deal to her. I wish it wasn't for him."

    My parents are both living. They know nothing about DD/FLR but have known for a long time that I was HOH in the general sense. I'm sure my husband would be embarrassed if they knew DD details.

    We had our usual Saturday evening disciplinary session. My husband has been so good to me and in the way he's been acting that his discipline consisted of a few moderate strokes of the cane as reminders to him about who's in charge and as light punishment for not fixing my closet shelf (I wasn't going to let it go). He was formally given the task of cleaning and straightening my closets because of his procrastination as added punishment (don't feel sorry for him because the way he's wired he'd be sorry if I let him off the hook and, besides, closets don't get straightened out often in this home). But I think he'll get it through his head that Mean Wife Carol wants something done at a reasonable time after she asks, not seven months later.

    Have a great holiday weekend.
    CarolH.

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