Saturday, August 24, 2019

Club Meeting 309 - Confessing & Snitching


Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. - Helen Rowland

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship. 

I hope you had a great week.  Mine was up and down. We are slow at work again, but I also had a lot of work-related travel and socializing.  Bad combination.  I don’t do well when I’m not busy with concrete tasks and projects.  The week was also book-ended by work related socializing that left me depleted energetically.  But, at least there is the weekend . . .

We had a good discussion last week about our experiences with parental discipline.  Over the years of blogging and polling about “origins” and how we come to this lifestyle, the surprising pattern is the lack of any common pattern.  Some experienced lots of spankings as kids.  Some none at all.  Some of us grew up with consistent discipline and enforced boundaries. Some were left to basically raise ourselves.  After years of discussion this, I really don’t see any pattern at all, and I’m at a loss to explain what triggered my own attraction to being disciplined and to having power taken away from me.  I have this sneaky suspicion that if there is a common pattern, it has more to do with the parenting style of the fathers than mothers, though thanks to Freud we tend to see this stuff through an Oedipal lens.  

We also explored again the maternal aspects of discipline, with Danielle observing: “I guess my FLR is more maternal than many of the DD relationships people here have for a couple of reasons. First, my authority is not limited by some sort of agreement about “spanking infractions.” I decide when discipline is needed and what form it will take. Second, I don’t limit consequences to spanking, but add the kinds of consequences I used to discipline my sons when they were teens.”  I think that touches on some of my own needs for discipline with a maternal vibe.  ZM said he would like to explore the maternal issue in more depth, and I heartily agree but can’t quite figure out an appropriate topic formulation.  All thoughts and suggestions on that are welcome.

As for this week’s topic, I’m feeling kind of lazy, so I will once again take advantage of a topic suggestion from “A husband who knows.” He suggested:


“Possible topic: the Confession Challenge. Dan, above you reveal three work behaviors your disciplinarian does not know about. And you did so knowing that your wife reads your blog. Repeat that confession and challenge the rest of us to confess behaviors our disciplinarian does not know about for which we likely would be punished. Challenge Part 2: Challenge each of us to read our confession to our disciplinarian! Then report back here what happens!”

Tomy responded: “"Confessional Sessions" were the most popular of activities in Aunt Kay's Gathering events (group events). In those cases men submitted a written confession to Aunt Kay and she studied them and assigned them to one of the other wives who then took appropriate action. It was super-cool.”  Tomy, as an aside, I would love to hear more about this.  Your allusions to ways in which the DWC really was a live "club" always intrigue me.

The “confession” AHWK was referring to was this comment from me identifying behaviors at work that either hold me back or that I just feel like I should correct because it is the right thing to do:

(1) Temper and lack of patience with others, whether directed up or down. I try really, really hard not to "punch down," but it wasn't quite true when I said above that it "never" happens. It's rare, but it can happen, especially if I'm dealing with someone who is being kind of mindless rule follower and getting in the way of getting something done. But, if it someone a lot lower than me in the pecking order, losing my temper or being rude to someone in those circumstances is something I really wish someone would rat me out for.

(2) Failure to keep up on some required paperwork and reporting. There is one task that is fundamental to how we get paid, but that I just absolutely hate. I'm always behind and, while it doesn't impact the organization much, it means I spend a lot of evenings and weekends playing catch up. It would be great if someone told my wife, "BTW, he's a week behind again in turning in X report . . ."

(3) Getting snotty with bureaucracy from "on high." This is a variant of (1), but I really do have a problem dealing with entrenched foolishness and, while it's fine to bring it up, I tend to do it snarky, sarcastic ways.

As I told AHWK, my wife does know about these behaviors because I’ve talked to her about them before, but she doesn’t have any way to find out about specific instances of those behaviors unless I report it myself.  Which I often don’t.  Why not? Well, it’s not really about fear of punishment.  It’s more that I really am embarrassed that I engaged in the behavior, and I don’t want to tell her about it because I don’t want to look bad.  


It’s really that simple.  But, since the AHWK dropped the gauntlet, and since there is no mechanism in place for anyone at work to snitch on me, I will man up and confess to three specific examples of bad behavior, all of which are loosely work related:

(1) I did “punch down” a bit recently, expressing some dissatisfaction to someone in our IT department about a policy that has been driving me crazy.  I wasn’t mean exactly, but he doesn’t really have any power to change the thing that was making me mad, so it was more about me venting my spleen than about accomplishing anything. 

(2) Last week, I got frustrated for about the thousandth time with some communications coming from the “C-Suite” that I see as a distraction and an example of focusing on small things to the exclusion of more important issues.  I made that view very clear in an email that went to a dozen more people, some peers and some up the chain.  Again, it wasn’t that I was saying anything that was wrong, but saying it yet again in way that was a very direct challenge to the thinking and priorities of those at the top just didn’t really serve any purpose, so why do it.

(3) I had a fairly significant instance of losing my temper last week, when a fairly new colleague started criticizing some things the organization was doing, without having any real understanding of what he was talking about.  I took it for a while, then rebuked him pretty directly, in a large meeting, for mouthing off before he had sufficient background to really understand an issue.  I alluded to this incident in last week’s blog post.  There is not a question in my mind that he was out of line. But, the way I reacted is not how a leader should act.  And, ironically, I am sure that some of the leaders I directed the communication to in (2), above, feel like I was behaving exactly like the guy I went off on in my meeting.  


Also, since this topic originated with some comments relating to enlisting co-workers and others to “rat out” a DD husband for bad behavior at work, I would like to expand the topic a bit by asking have you ever gotten spanked for something because someone “told on you”?  Perhaps a work colleague let something slip at a party?  Maybe a friend referred to some shared adventure you hadn’t shared with your wife? For all the wives, do you have any kind of “intelligence network” in place that will tip you off to bad behavior?  Have you ever been shocked to find out through a third-party that your husband did something and failed to report it?  How did you deal with it? 

Content Note:  I'm adding this note, because several comments indicate an issue that is becoming a problem and that I want to nip in the bud.  I do not mind when regular commenters drift off into other territory sometimes after addressing a topic. But, the last couple of weeks have seen several people--mainly various iterations of "Anonymous" and a couple of new commenters--attempt to use this as a convenient place to strike up a discussion about their Femdom fantasies, BDSM scening, etc.  Enough.  The masthead at the top of the blog says what it is about -- and what it is not.  I'm going to just start deleting comments that don't have anything to do with the topic or that kind of pretend to for a sentence or two before launching off into whatever Femdom or BDSM fantasy the commenter feels like talking about at random.

Have a great week.

61 comments:

  1. Actually, very early in my marriage to Shilo, YOU "told" on him.

    Let that sink in...

    When I first found this blog, I noticed that Shilo had been commenting, and he confessed that he had started smoking again, but he had been denying it to me, so he got in trouble thanks to your blog.

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    1. That's great! That really is the danger of creating a blog where myself and others can speak freely, but nothing stops a curious wife from finding it and getting an electronic earful about her husband's misbehavior.

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    2. Considering that smoking (and occasional masturbation) was his only misbehavior, I count myself as being very fortunate.

      I can actually smell cigarette smoke on a person, but he kept denying it was him, and yes, "catching" him here was easy.

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    3. Me, too. I smoked for a while but stopped many years ago. I now can smell it on anyone. My kids had zero chance of smoking without me knowing.

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Let's get back on topic. This comment had nothing at all to do with this week's topic or about Domestic Discipline.

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  3. I had a chat with my wife about this and she more or less confirmed what I thought she would say.

    Firstly, she can understand the idea of schools communicating children's misbehaviour to parents, as children are not responsible adults. However, she takes the view that I need to be responsible for my own good standing with my employer.

    Secondly, though DD is not meant to be done for the sole purpose of bringing kinky pleasure to the recipient and is a very serious business intended to bring about self-improvement, spanking a husband is an intimate act in a way spanking one's son or daughter isn't.

    What this means is that while my wife will listen to someone who complains about me on their own accord, she will not actively seek out such people to complain regularly, as she feels that would create a situation where there are more than two of us in the marriage.

    Also, with DD, it is done with a certain amount of personal responsibility in mind. If the husband wants to improve his ways and maintain harmony with his wife (which is less likely to happen if she doesn't believe he is giving her a full and honest account), then DD just will not fulfil its full potential if he is downplaying, omitting, lying or whatever about bad behaviour. That is a choice a husband needs to make.

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. Agreed on the role of personal responsibility.

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  4. This one is easy for us. I confess anything she does not witness. This is one of our rules. Depending on the situation I have 24 to 48 hours to let her know. If I dont and confess it later then the punishment is much worse.

    Our variation of DD is based on trust. If I want to do this then I need to let her know when something happens she did not see.

    Since most of my issues are not at work then a work snitch would be pointless for us.

    Only time I can recall her finding out somthing before I told her was when I lost my temper and my oldest son say it and mentioned it when he saw her which was before I did. Not as a snitch but as informational.

    This works for us. If I break a known rule I have to confess. To my knowledge I have always confessed, when needed, since we started. Sometimes I wait but always get to it.

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    1. Thanks. While I agree in principle, confessing everything remains a very "aspirational" goal.

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  5. Sorry for breaking the topic thread. In response to topic, my wife and I have an open relationship when it comes to things. She has the right to my phone. Emails etc. She tells me what I can post and where. We are new to FLR lifestyle so we haven't really set rules to break or corporal punishment for breaking the rules. Generally, I displease her and I get verbally chastised.

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    1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    2. To say it once again, let's get on topic. I do not mind when regular commenters drift off into other territory sometimes after addressing a topic. But, the last couple of weeks have seen several people--mainly various iterations of Anonymous--who seem to think this is a convenient place to strike up a discussion about their sex lives, Femdom fantasies, etc. Enough. The masthead at the top of the blog says what it is about -- and what it is not. I'm going to just start deleting comments that don't have anything to do with the topic or that kind of pretend to for one sentence before launching off into whatever Femdom or BDSM fantasy the commenter feels like talking about at random.

      Delete
    3. I appreciate your monitoring the post for discussion. If you feel like it, could you do a post to help those of us who are struggling with the FLR lifestyle? I know what my relationship with my wife is, and I accept it, just would like some how to deal with the changes it brings. Haven't found anything like that on net.

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  7. Everyone has a somewhat different orientation to DD and its objective. But with both the women who have disciplined me the focus has been on my behavior withing the relationship, and basically on the effect the behavior has on the relationship. That doesn't mean I have a free pass in other areas of my life but the emphasis is strongly on how I interact and behave when she is present or anything to do with our life together. The big exception to this is health issues which she also considers to be disciplinary. Our agreement from the start has been that she has authority to discipline any time for any reason. The practical reason for that is if her authority was conditional we would end up in endless arguments about if I did or did not deserve to be punished. But rarely or never has she punished me for behavior outside our relationship although there have been a few times she was not thrilled by some of my actions and I have been scolded but not spanked for them
    Alan

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    1. Thanks, Alan. I think defining "outside the relationship" can itself be challenging. For example, I think my wife would say that acting up at work and excessive drinking even outside her presence both are indirectly "within the relationship" because either could lead to loss of job or some kind of career hit, thereby putting the household income at risk since I make the largest portion of that income. Interestingly, unlike your wife, she hasn't really tried to deal with any health issues, even those too could have a major impact on the family and its economy. Though, unlike you, I stopped smoking long before DD, and until recently I was way more attuned to diet and exercise than my wife was. I still am pretty health conscious, but I've had a string of annoying injuries and illnesses over the last couple of years that are taking a toll on my workout. But, so does drinking too much . . .

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  8. We have a confessional time for me to confess anything I did wrong that she doesn't know about. We do this once a week during my maintenance spanking. On Friday after she gets home from work I have everything ready for her and I am naked and standing in the corner waiting for her. When she's ready she comes in and calls me to go over her knee and proceeds to give me my maintenance spanking which is usually a set amount of swats with her paddle.

    After that she then asks me if there is anything I need to confess. I learned the hard way to confess something I did wrong. One time I was in Home Depot with a friend and we were swearing but what I didn't know was a friend of my wife's was in the next aisle and heard me and reported back to my wife. When my wife told me this all I could do was lower my head and admit it.

    Normally during a confession she will pass sentence of around 20 extra swats but because I didn't confess she increased my punishment to 60 swats and a mouth soaping.

    I learned it was just easier to confess.

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    1. Out of curiosity, what led her friend to report on you? In other words, how did she know it was an issue to report?

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    2. Hi Dan, Her friend knows of our relationship so when she heard me and my friend she felt she should report it to my wife. After my punishment I had to call her friend and apologize for the language she heard coming from me.

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  9. Dan, why did you remove my confession? It was totally on topic. Anton

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    1. My confession is masturbating in the shower, which my wife will have a problem with and apparently Dan does too, since he deleted my first confession.

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    2. Hello Anonymous!

      Don't answer this, just think about it:

      Why do you masturbate and hide it from your wife? Are you having marital problems? Besides discipline, which may or may not work, how do you think this problem can be solved?

      If you don't assess why you're doing this and the root cause, it's not going to get any better.

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    3. Also, @Dan: I apologize for hijacking this, but as a wife whose husband had issues with masturbation, I thought that maybe giving this reader things to consider, it might help him figure it out.

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  10. I have admitted to, (or'confessed') certain things that after a while of keeping to myself, I felt were important enough to mention to Rosa. Not so much as an actual confession of the transgression, but why I did it and what the point was in me being disobedient. The best example I can think of is when a long while back I stopped making the bed, which is one of our punishable offenses. However, at the time I was doing this (or not doing this I suppose is more accurate) it was not due to forgetfulness but a sort of test/spite-thing. Things had gotten very lax and I felt I was following certain, more difficult rules, which were not always easy, but that Rosa wasn't really holding up her side of the "DD" bargain. So I stopped making the bed for days on end to see what, if anything, would happen. After a while of nothing happening, I told Rosa about why I had stopped doing it and it led to a good discussion.

    However, as stated many times before, my real 'offenses' are generally obvious things. Like being hyper, or impatient and sarcastic. Often they are also more noticeable to Rosa than me. So "confession" doesn't really have much of a part in what we do. There simply isn't much to confess to.....unless I'm doing something with an ulterior motive.

    As for how I may act towards someone else? Again, it's a mixed bag that depends greatly on the person and the situation. As sarcastic as I can be, Rosa is actually the one with far less patience with people and she usually accuses me of being too nice. So if I go after someone she is usually not upset but happy that I addressed whatever it was that prompted my reaction.

    I also wonder if I did do something.....if I would ever confess it depending on the reason it happened? And to be honest? I really am not sure how much Rosa would want me to tell her anyway. I feel like she is quite content to just deal with what affects her (and possibly those she cares about) and not be bombarded with other stuff. However, since we don't really have any rules like that (besides the N0 unauthorized O or teasing) there's not much in our 'rules' that would necessitate confession.

    (And after reading the other comments and writing mine, I feel like the oddball here once again. Even though I can relate to a lot of the mechanics and dynamics shared here, when it comes to types of issues and stuff like what the DD goals are and all that, I feel like Rosa and I are not just on a different page, but in a different book altogether.)

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    1. I think sometimes my DD inclinations really take three forms: (a) things that get punished because they piss Anne off or cause friction in the relationship; (b) things that I do wrong where my own sense of accountability leads me to want to be punished; and (c) things that involve goals for self-improvement. It probably is on that last one that we've had the least consistency and progress over time, and it's probably because like your Rosa, my wife is fairly content to deal with things that affect her or that are "big ticket" issues that she cares about even if they don't impact her that directly.

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    2. I really can relate to those three distinctions. Put in those terms, I don't feel like what we are doing is as alien as it seemed in comparison with some of the other comments. Well, at least not in relation to you & Anne.

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  11. I have to confess that I've never been one to be quick to confess certain behaviors that I knew would get my bottom blistered if I did so. I do realize that confession would be the right and honorable thing to do, but really it's more about ego than fear of getting my ass paddled - simply hating to admit that I was wrong or screwed up, which ironically is the main reason that my wife embraced the DWC lifestyle so readily (i.e - to deal with my alpha arrogance and inflated ego). But there have been times I have been ratted out - usually innocently enough when the snitch may not have even realized it was of any real importance - much less that it would lead to me ending up with a sore, red rear. And, of course, there have been times when the punishment was considerably more severe because she believed that I should have confessed (and I probably should have in the spirit of a true DWC relationship).

    I missed posting last week due to business, but will just add (and I've think I've shared this here before) - that I honestly believe my inclination toward a DWC relationship started when my (relatively young and attractive) aunt soundly hairbrushed me in my underwear at the age of ten, when I was staying with her for a few weeks in the summer (there were family issues and I was never spanked by my father, and only occasionally switched by my mom when I was very young - so that spanking by my aunt was a real revelation!). --al

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    1. Hi Al. Ego and embarrassment at admitting some behavior is also a major part of my own reporting failures. Though, fear of getting paddled is certainly also part of of it.

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  12. From the "other side"; no longer susceptible to spanking since Beloved is gone, I want to share this awareness.

    Sometimes I actually feel relieved when there's no spanking when there would have been. But other times, like today and a couple of months ago when I screwed something up badly and caused pain to an innocent other, an unendurable spanking would be the optimal therapy. I know the difference between "thinking about spanking" and "enduring one." But it would be worth the healing.

    So when you are contemplating confessing for something, it might be useful to factor in what it would be like to not have that option.

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    1. Understood, Tomy. Really. There are times you "need one," but it's really wanting. And there are times you need it, because it's deserved and you know you deserve it.

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  13. I have delayed posting even though I suggested this topic because my wife reads this blog and I wanted to confess to her in person rather than have her read it. But I was concerned about the consequences. Tomy's post this morning about the worse situation of having no consequences available triggered me to proceed. So I confessed at lunch and now am writing this sitting on a very sore behind after an embarrassing punishment session that included a telephone "witness."
    As I have related, I have been successfully losing weight on a strict program imposed by my wife. This includes following an eating regimen set up with my sponsor from Overeaters Anonymous that includes not eating certain favorite foods which I would binge on. While I have been meeting my weight loss goals, I have been sneaking one of those foods (ice cream) and lying to my wife and my sponsor about it. I knew that the dishonesty would upset my wife the most, as she is very much against "lies of omission" as well as "lies of commission."

    While she has not been spanking me much during this weight loss because she doesn't want a sore backside to inhibit exercise, she was so upset by my confession that she immediately sent me for the hairbrush and strap. She had me lower my pants and stand in front of her and then lectured me extensively. She then pointed to her lap and I went over her knee for a serious dose of the hairbrush. I did quite a bit of apologizing but it was not enough as I then bent over the arm of the couch and got at least 50 with the strap. She then sent me to the corner while she thought what to do next. She then told me to get my phone, and when i started to pull up my pants she said to leave them down. She put me back over her knee and told me to call my sponsor and apologize for not telling the truth about my food intake. Then she started spanking me again with the hairbrush. I wanted to protest but knew better. Let me tell you, it is rather hard to make a phone call with your nose in the carpet and your bottom getting spanked. I prayed for voice mail and that prayer was answered, but I left a message of apology with painfully clear background sounds. My sponsor always calls back within 24 hours and that will be one embarrassing phone call, even if there is no mention of what was heard.

    Thank you to Tomy for inspiring my confession and to my wife for setting me straight.
    A husband who knows

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    1. My sponsor did call back and gave me a mini lecture about "rigorous honesty," one of the tenets of 12-Step. Then asked me, "Have you thanked your wife for holding you accountable?" Which was a way of saying he knew exactly what was going on during the phone call. I answered in the affirmative and he said another tenet: "It's a simple program but it's not easy." I wanted to add, "Sometimes it's painful," but I was too chicken to say it.
      A husband who knows

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    2. It will be interesting to see whether he makes any more explicit reference to what he overheard. Of course, would it matter, since it sounds like you and your wife are pretty "out" about the nature of the relationship anyway?

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  14. Hi Dan,
    I generally don’t comment earlier in the week primarily because I am busy, but also because I like to let the topic roll around in my head for a few da ys.

    This time that backfired, because I just realized that I not really read the topic all that carefully! I was THINKING that the challenge was to list unconfessed WORK-RELATED behaviors. Now, I see that the topic is significantly more open-ended than that, but still I will open with a few work-related ones, and then will expand to non work-related ones in a separate post to aid in reading.

    My work situation is unique in that I am both developing my own product as well as acting as de-facto CTO of another technology startup, but I work almost entirely independently out of my home. Since I need to be at peak performance to meet the significant challenges I face, I have asked my wife to help hold me accountable through DD, so she asks me specifically each night about the day and my productivity. Consequently, there isn’t much that she doesn’t already know about work-related behaviors. One possible exception is I don’t know if she really has any concept of just how seldom I am on time for meetings. And secondly, multiple times I have self-reported that days were quite a bit better than they were, which I know seems that it would defeat the purpose of self-reporting, but in fact I gain a lot out of her monitoring and asking and it really does help push us forward, even on those days that I was not quite as open or accurate at self-appraisal. In the end, I know how the day really went, and I push myself to do better.

    I can really relate to what Al said; the reason I might not accurately self-report is not so much because I don’t want punishment (also true), but more so because I hate to admit my failings. When I screw up, I am disappointed in myself, and my normally giant ego and excessive sense of self-worth is already suffering, and the last thing I want it to see disappointment on her face as well. And then of course if she does punish me, the physical pain is one thing, but the pain to my ego is even greater, though needed and beneficial.

    -ZM

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    1. That's an interesting concept -- the process of reporting may help the behavior even if the content of the report is not totally forthcoming.

      I used to have a big problem showing up late to meetings and calls. Something that helped was acknowledging to myself that others are just as busy as I am but manage to show up on time, so by not showing up on time I was basically showing I think my time is more valuable than their time. When I started thinking of it as displaying a lack of respect for others, I started doing better.

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  15. For non-work related behaviors, there aren’t many that I haven’t already talked about here before, and the first two wouldn’t result in punishment anyway.

    I look at spanking porn, probably too much, but I save interesting pictures and we look at them together every several weeks or so. At the same time, I am usually shy about telling her I was looking at things online. There is a difference between knowing I look some, and knowing I looked some today! The same is true with masturbation. My wife has said that she knows that most if not all guys masturbate some and she has no problem with it, but she really doesn’t want to know if and when it happens. She does however, expect me to be careful so that the kids would never catch me. She would probably be delighted to know that any time it happens, I am not thinking of anyone but her.

    For both the spanking porn and masturbation, even with her knowledge and approval, I still feel somewhat guilty about it, probably mostly because of upbringing, but also because my previous wife was very against both of those things.

    Things that maybe would and certainly SHOULD result in punishment are:
    - Checking out girls. As I have said before, I really like looking at girls too much. And it is not that I have fantasies of doing things with them, because I love my wife dearly. Also, it is not that I am so attracted to them, because my wife is very hot. But I still find myself noticing and looking way too much, perhaps due to force of habit. This is particularly clear to me this week, since we are at a beach.

    - Hand washing. She has made a big thing out of the importance of regular hand washing. I have really improved at it, but I can also say that still very often, if I am in a hurry I barely wash my hands at all. While on the topic of that, I tend to have other little gross personal hygiene habits that should have been eradicated when I was very young. I can only imagine what a harsh headmistress at a boarding school would have done with me.

    - Laziness, especially around the house. There is nothing too hidden about this, but a specific example is that our shower door has a broken part that I have left un-repaired for most of a year. I designed and 3D printed replacement parts probably 6 months ago, but never felt like installing it.

    I know all these things are pretty minor, except for maybe checking out girls, which is probably quite disrespectful, but overall my wife and I are very open with each other, and there really isn’t much that I wouldn’t freely tell her, so there is little to confess.

    Regarding the other questions, no, I have never been spanked due to something that she found out from someone else, though I am almost certain that will happen sometime. She also, as far as I know, doesn’t have any sort of “intelligence network” that would tip her off to bad behavior, but I don’t know that she needs one because SHE is very intelligent, and also we are very intimate and close, so I think she can always tell overall how I am doing and would know if I were hiding much at all.

    -ZM

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  16. Personally, I exercise significant self-discipline to not turn my head and look at women. I did it when I was with Aunt Kay and now I do it just to not be a creepy old man.

    But I'd be a lying toad if I didn't admit eye candy is delicious.

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    1. Yes. If the Lord didn't want me to look, he wouldn't have confronted me with such temptations.

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    2. Well, of course I TRY to not be too obvious or creepy about the whole thing, but overall I would like to control it better because I dearly love my wife. She is the love of my life and soulmate, and I would hate to hurt her feelings by paying too much attention to someone that I don't even know who is nothing to me.

      -ZM

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    3. Wouldn't you think the right attitude for our wives to take would be that with all these gorgeous temptations, we chose them? Isn't that an indirect testament to how gorgeous we think they are? Somehow, no woman I know sees it that way.

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    4. You can launch a new Blog-spot Mansplaining these things to women.

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    5. Hahaha Tomy!

      Thankfully my wife doesn't even use the term "mansplaining,l" alone punish me for it!

      That does raise an interesting question, though. "How does feminism play into or affect DD/FLR?

      My wife is very strong as a person, but probably partly because of her culture, she is far from being a modern feminist. If she were, how might that change things?

      -ZM

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    6. To the person above who confesses to looking at girls, I hope you mean women and not girls! Otherwise, you should really get help for that!

      It could be my polyamory talking, but I don't get offended or punish anyone for looking at another woman or man when they are with me. I look a lot, probably more than any man ever looks

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    7. Hahaha Merry. Don't worry, they are all women, though I must admit they generally are somewhat younger than me.

      Anyway, I try (sometimes more successfully than others) to keep it in check.

      -ZM

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    8. That's a good thing! Most of the people I find myself oogling are younger too. (Maybe because I'm 58?)

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  17. I also can't help looking but I try not to make it obvious.

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    Replies
    1. I was at a very sweet gathering last night. The eye candy was....... oh never mind.

      (still human)

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    2. Just like I look at spectacular sunsets when they are offered up to me . . .

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  18. I try to follow the "3 second rule," but it's amazing how much ogling I can get done in that amount of time.
    A husband who knows

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  19. Everything worth doing takes practice.

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  20. I have mentioned before that a number of people have been involved in reporting my behavior to my wife. Right now it is the most ever as part of my weight loss program. However, many of them don't know that physical punishment is part of the program, though some may suspect.
    However, all of our relatives and most of our friends do know that we are a DWC couple (nod to Aunt Kay and Tomy). For many of them, reporting is a natural part of our relationships. It's not uncommon, for instance, for a female relative at a holiday event to say to my wife in passing, "I believe your husband was just swearing at the TV during the football game." She knows my wife does not like foul language and she knows exactly what the consequences will be. (Male relatives are more sympathetic and less likely to report). My younger sister, who enjoys getting me in trouble and witnessing spankings, will take any opportunity to report, and in fact that has dramatically improved my behavior around her. She enjoys knowing that too!
    This weekend the extended family is getting together for Labor Day and I will need to be on my best behavior.
    A husband who knows

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    Replies
    1. This is an interesting cautionary tale when it comes to others knowing. We seem to assume that others would be shocked or offended. But, what if instead they become enthusiastic rats and leakers?

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  21. Possible topic: Cornertime. Have you ever been put in the corner as part of a spanking? If so, was it before, during, or after? What did your disciplinarian tell you to think about while in the corner (if anything)? What did you actually think about? Where were you told to keep your hands (if anywhere)? Were you allowed to rub your butt? Did you try to touch yourself? How long were you there? What happened when you were allowed out? Did anyone ever witness you in the corner?
    If you have never been put in a corner, have you fantasized about it? Do you wish she would put you there? If so, why? What is the fascination that so many have about cornertime as part of spanking? Why does it feel sexual and at the same time disciplinary? Even if you think it is stupid and juvenile, have you wondered about it?
    A husband who knows

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    Replies
    1. I get corner time after every spanking. When I'm put in the corner I am not allowed to rub or touch anything. My hands have to be on top of my head and I am told to think about my apologize and why I was spanked and what I will do to change my behavior going forward and it better be good or it's back over her knee.

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    2. I will do this again, probably soon. I just wasn't in the mood for it this week for whatever reason.

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  22. Great topic idea, and it would be interesting which of the many "sub-questions" people would actually end up answering! For me, I would maybe go with the topic but leave it more open-ended, like "what role does cornertime play in your DD/FLR relationship? How does she use it or how do you wish she would?"

    However, I like your long list of questions as they might inspire better answers than just "we don't use cornertime" or very general answers like that. If you are going to enumerate questions, one I would add is "what additional elements are used to enhance cornertime (for example holding penny with nose,soap in the mouth, etc.)"

    -ZM

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  23. As several have said on many occasions, men masturbate. While one can conceive of FLR relationships where the man never masturbates without permission, I’d hazard to bet that those are exceedingly rare if everyone is honest. These situations frequently occur when one or both parties travel for business and are gone for a period, but they also happen at home especially when conditions at the time limit intimate activity with one’s partner.

    So, for those of us who do sometimes masturbate without permission, the opportunity to “confess” can be quite helpful and can help build the couple’s bonding. Few people think it’s inherently “wrong” but most of us were raised with some level of guilt. Also, one can make the case that masturbating without permission is contrary to most people’s rules under FLR.

    If doing so helps the individual and the relationship, then it seems like a very practical solution.

    I would also note that most women masturbate at times. For those couples who are so inclined, which may be a minority on this site, establishing a two-way street for confession and punishment of masturbation could be quite rewarding. Just saying… 😊

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  24. My first husband and I for a time used the Spencer Soanking Plan in which we punished each other. Masturbation other than mutual masturbation was one of our offenses. We confessed to each other and suffered corporal punishment for it. I confessed more than he did.
    The Wife Who Knows

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