The wound is the place where
the Light enters you.” ― Rumi
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples
Club. Our weekly gathering of men and
women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships. I hope you had a good week.
It has been an interesting week for us in terms of couples communication. They say actions speak louder than words, and sometimes you have to see something to believe it. This week, my wife got a bit of a first-hand look at some of my business entertaining obligations. After a couple of nights of it, she awoke the next morning exhausted and said, "I don't know how you manage to do this all the time." The plain fact is, I don't really "manage" this pace. I just kind of hold on tight and try to get through it. And, I am starting to think that is really the best that can be done at this particular phase of my career and it is, in a twisted and dysfunctional way, a form of balance. Because the other options aren't really palatable. First, I could just stop the business entertaining, but that really is not an option in this job at this phase of my career. And, part of what my wife saw this week is that sometimes it really is not me instigating things or staying out late by choice. Rather, I'm doing what has to be done to court certain business contacts and capitulating to their desire to keep going. Second, I have thought from time to time that maybe I need to address this out-sized need I have for accountability not by changing the behavior but, rather, by just not feeling guilty or contrite about it. In other words, accept who I am and revel in it the way some of my friends do. I was once a big Mad Men fan, and the attitude of simply enjoying your excesses was epitomized by the Roger Sterling character. I loved one of his speeches to Don Draper, who also epitomized excesses but for him along with the excesses came self-loathing and guilt. With respect to alcohol, Sterling observed, "You don't know how to drink.
Your whole generation, you drink for the wrong reasons. My generation, we drink
because it's good, because it feels better than unbuttoning your collar,
because we deserve it. We drink because it's what men do." Now, the problem with that is, most people just can't do it over time without damaging their body, brains and spirits, though some hearty souls pull it off.
Believe it or not, that long lead in has something to do with this week's topic, which is an extension of one of the many strands of last week's discussion. Near the end of the week, we got off on a tangent about marking and bruising. I decided to make it this week's topic. We've done it before, but not since 2017. I went back and looked at the topic from that year, and it was a little depressing how little changes year-over-year, because coincidentally the trade-offs between accountability and guilt-free enjoyment of one's debauchery were something I was noodling about two years ago at the same time I was thinking about bruising and marking. Here is what I wrote then, edited only slightly for content and for updated artwork. It is something I could have easily written from scratch to describe the last couple of weeks here two years later. Conveniently, repeating it verbatim also relieves me of some of the time required to come up with something truly new:
Now, on to other things. DWC Fred posted a great comment last week,
describing his DD dynamic and how he is spanked. He noted that his spankings generally leave
his bottom marked for several days. That
is this week's topic. Do your
disciplinary spankings generally leave marks, welts or bruises that last more
than a few hours?
Is marking or
"blistering" an explicit goal?
When it is over, does your Disciplinarian inspect her handiwork? Does she take pride in the tangible evidence of a job well done?
When it is over, does your Disciplinarian inspect her handiwork? Does she take pride in the tangible evidence of a job well done?
(This one is one of our KD Pierre's pieces. I have a link to his website over to the
right.)
This is an area that has
changed for us over time, not as a result of any change in the intensity of her
spankings, but apparently due to a change in my physiology. When we first started Domestic Discipline,
any significant spanking would leave me very badly bruised. That doesn't happen nearly as much now. Even a really, really hard spanking may leave
me with only a few visible marks the next day.
Interestingly, my bottom does look in bad shape immediately after the
spanking, but the marks just don't last very long. It also seems like my bottom has developed
this non-bruising tolerance specifically to spanking. I took a nasty fall a few weeks ago, and it
left me literally black and blue across one cheek.
My wife's reaction to this is
also interesting. It really didn't take
her very long to get comfortable with giving a hard disciplinary spanking, and
the bruising or marking has never seemed to make her squeamish. She is very comfortable leaving visible
evidence of her spanking prowess. In fact, she will sometimes make me drop my
pants to show her the condition of my butt, and will express disappointment
when the marking is gone a day or two later."
That was what I wrote a couple of years ago, and it is the topic for this week. Are marking and bruising part of your spanking experience? Has the degree or duration of marking or bruising changed over time? Ladies, does concern about marking or bruising may you squeamish about giving a really hard, disciplinary spanking, or is that just part of him getting what he has coming? Is it even possibly part of the evidence you look for that you made your point? And, lastly, has anyone ever gotten an unintended peek at the after effects of a good, hard disciplinary session?
Have a great week.
Have a great week.
My wife spanks very hard and makes my butt very red but she will not go overboard. She feels too much marking, bruising or drawing blood is abuse. By the time she is done I am crying and making a lot of noise. Sometimes she make me pleasure her orally after a spanking. As far as anyone seeing the after affects her mother and sister have seen me standing in the corner after a spanking and commented on how red my butt was.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I are new to the DD scene and she’s given me only 4 or 5 spankings. One was hard and resulted in some dark bruising on one hip, and some deep red marks on the rest of my butt. The rest seemed hard at the time but left only redness and a little light bruising. This weekend I failed to miss my weight loss goal again so I asked for 60 hard swats with a wooden paddle and whip, in addition to what she will give me OTK with her hairbrush for my maintence. I hope it is nice and bruised and painful. I am so thankful she is willing to spank me hard and mark me. I really enjoy seeing the bruises. She, not so much. She’s afraid it hurts me too much. I have told her: yes, it does hurt at the time. And I do want it to stop at the time. But deep down I want to be punished severely but lovingly by my beautiful wife.
ReplyDeleteHi David. No one can predict for sure, but I would not be surprised if she stops being squeamish about the bruising over time.
DeleteShe spanked me last night at my request for failing to meet my weight-loss goals. At first she said I didn’t need a spanking because I lost 2 pounds for the week. But I had gained half a pound over the previous 3 days, so I asked for 60 swats to give me encouragement to stay on the diet this week. So she said ok
DeleteWhen the time came, I loved how she said: “I’m going to have my coffee. Then I want you to gather the implements.” I placed them downstairs at her direction. I was already nude in anticipation of the spanking. I hung out with her in bed while she drank her coffee. Finally she said: “It’s time. Go downstand get ready for your spanking.”
I did so. She sat on the sofa and asked for the wooden hairbrush. I gave it to her and got down on my knees and kissed her feet and thanked her for spanking me.
I got over her knee and she bagan spanking hard with that hairbrush. It really hurt. Then she said: “Hand me the green thing.” This is a dishwashing tool which she uses to whip me with the thick, rubber handle. It’s like a riding crop or rubber cane. I call it the kitchen whip.’
I get up. She hands me the hair brush, which I place on the chair, and hand her the kitchen whip. I again kiss her feet and get over her lap. She whips me about 5 times then tells me to lie down on the sofa so she can whip me harder. I prop my butt up with a pillow and she delivers about 10 good strikes. Then she asks for the big wooden paddle. Again I kiss her feet and thank her for whipping me.
I hand her the wooden paddle, lie down and she really swats my ass hard. Probably 10 or 12 times. My butt is really hurting and I want it to end. She said ok, it’s over.
I was happy it ended, and again knelt down and worshipped her feet and thanked her.
My butt was a nice red all over with a couple spots where there were raised welts from the kitchen whip, plus some nice bruising on a small part of my left butt. But it wasn’t the marking I was hoping for. She didn’t give me the 60 swats I requested.
But to avoid driving her away, I didn’t say anything about it. I don’t want to be complaining. I think today I will thank her again for such a hard punishment. I will then tell her I love it when she bruises me. And I would love to have an even longer punishment next time.
Note — when I said I wanted it to end, I didn’t actually verbalize that to her. I have never asked her to end a spanking. She has authority to spank me however Long, however hard, and for whatever reason she chooses
DeleteBy the way, I have never known why, but the photo of the guy bending over the hay bale has always really gotten to me. As long term readers know, I have a thing for woodsheds, barns, and this one of the most explicit photos I have with that theme.
ReplyDeleteDan, I have to agree with your assessment of that picture. To my feminine eye, that is the most alluring of the pictures you posted this week. But then, I’ve always had a thing for nice hard masculine bums, so I wouldn’t mind at all being the woman disciplining that young man in the barn. Do you suppose he’s being disciplined by his wife, or maybe he’s a farm hand being disciplined by an older woman who owns the ranch? Maybe a woman my age! ;-)
DeleteBy the way, my reaction to that picture may give you some idea why I insist on my husband working out 3 times a week. I do MY best to fight against the effects of aging on my own physique (I used to do competitive rowing and I still do recreational rowing for the exercise), so I expect my husband to make a similar effort for my benefit. I won’t pretend he matches that young man in the sexy hard bum department, but he tries (with some motivational help from me).
That reminds me of something Wayne frequently says to me. He jokes that he wishes his bum was as sexy as mine because if it was I wouldn’t be able to resist spanking him every day. LOL He’s a shameless flatterer, but I don’t mind. ;-)
This has given me a naughty idea. I’m going to set that picture as the desktop image on the old computer he uses in the basement. It will make him jealous to know that picture has given me lustful thoughts, and jealousy is an emotion that turns him on.
Danielle
Dan — I do love that photo, but it seems like those are cane marks, which to me are incongruous with a woodshed/barn discipline session. I’ve always viewed a barn as a place for a hard bare-butt paddling or belt-whipping. Kind of old-fashioned American corporal punishment, not the British caning thing. But that’s just me. Maybe I’m jealous because my butt doesn’t look as good as his lol.
DeleteDavid, I'm thinking riding crop, given the setting.
DeleteDanielle: You pondered about the context of that photo. I can't tell you anything about the origin of the picture, but I can tell you were I got it, and it's kind of interesting in light of your speculation and your possible openness to cuckolding. That picture accompanied a post on an on-line spanking blog I found some years ago. The author was a *male* dominant, and he told a story about a couple that he was involved with, in which he was dominating them both, but it was basically a cuckolding relationship with him fucking the wife and dominating the man. They were horse breeders, or something like that. In his story (he claimed it was true, but I doubt it), the husband had done something that everyone agreed he was going to be disciplined for. The dominant had called to set it up, but his calls had not been returned promptly. So, he showed up at their house unannounced, and found they were having dinner with another couple. He apologized for interrupting, but told them he had something to talk to the husband about down at the horse barn. The husband very reluctantly followed, because he knew it would be even worse if he didn't. They went to the barn together, where the Dominant proceeded to strap the husbands ass with a belt until he was sobbing, then let him return to the dinner party. I don't know why, but I found that story unbelievably stimulating.
DeleteDavid: See above. In the story that accompanied the photo it was, in fact, a belt.
Fascinating story, Dan. Probably a fantasy, but who knows? It is right up my husband's alley. LOL What aspect of the story gets to you, Dan?
DeleteDanielle
Hi Danielle. It's hard to describe, but part of the attraction to DD for me has always been the loss of control. The more it feels imposed and even non-consensual, the more I get "stimulated" thinking about it. I think for that reason, I have this perverse attraction to the thought of M/m discipline. Deep down inside, I know I could resist my wife physically even if I never have and never will. But, another man could actually win in such a contest. And, there is also just the underlying "edginess" that is often involved when two Alpha males are around each other. Male-male domination that crosses the line into being something that really is being imposed, and the associated loss of control, does do something for me. I think it is that aspect of the story that is appealing to me at a very visceral level. This very domineering, Alpha man shows up and is determined to give this other man the strapping he deserves, and he isn't going to let anything like social niceties get in the way. It is the inevitability, the "no way you are getting out of this one" in the whole encounter. I'm not sure whether the "humiliation" aspect is part of the driver for me, but I don't think that is a major part of it. I have some attraction to some humbling, but I don't really get off on humiliation the way some do. I also don't think the appeal is really "homo erotic," though I could be fooling myself. There wasn't any sex in the story, yet it turned me on, and I think it is about the power dynamic, not about male-on-male eroticism.
DeleteDan, I’m probably overly curious about your feelings about that fantasy because my husband has a strong erotic response to that kind of thing. You and he may be responding to different things, but I’m sure you’re right that it has nothing to do with male-on-male eroticism. My husband has no interest in M/m spanking images unless there is a woman in the picture as a witness to the humiliation. And sometimes when we play with his cuckold fantasies, I can really arouse him by teasing him that I could delegate his spankings to my lover who, being a strong manly type, would be able to give him the kind of harsh discipline he needs. Alternatively, he’s also turned on by the fantasy of me disciplining other men. I sent him that picture in an email and told him I would love to be the woman administering discipline to the hard, manly bum of that young man. I teased him that if a well made guy like that took his discipline well, he might even get lucky afterwards. ;-) That really got him going! LOL Anyway, I find it fascinating what people fantasize about….including myself, to be honest.
DeleteDanielle
It's fun talking to you about, and I share you interest in fantasies and dreams. So, don't hold back your curiosity. It's pretty hard to embarrass me and, frankly, my wife would probably say I tend to "over share," so I'm pretty likely to answer whatever question you ask, though as my answer above reflects, I often really don't have any idea why some things motivate and others don't.
DeleteIt sounds like Wayne's reaction to this kind of stuff may be a little more narrow than my own, because a woman in the picture is not a requirement for me. In fact, in the story I recounted the Dominant man take the husband down to the barn, while the wife stays in the house with the guests. Also, a few months ago I recounted a dream I had about being paddled by someone at a work function. While my wife (and many others) were there to witness me being taken from the room to be spanked, the spanking itself was by a man and took place away from everyone else. I also get turned on thinking about whether my wife would ever send me to a man to be spanked (very unlikely to ever happen).
On the other hand, I don't really have cuckold fantasies. I don't have any problem with them, but they don't do a lot for me, and I suspect I that if my wife ever did anything like that (very, very unlikely), the fantasy would melt and I would be left the typical jealous male. Now, I don't think I would have any problem with her spanking another man in a disciplinary context.
Danielle here:
DeleteDan, I believe that, if anything, your response to this M/m scenario is narrower than Wayne’s. I market tested the story on Wayne, and he found it very exciting indeed. (By the way, he has been chomping at the bit to jump into this discussion, but I haven’t allowed it. I’m enjoying doing the talking on my own for now, and I’ve been teasing Wayne that it’s good for him ‘to be seen but not heard’ for a change). When I say that he needs a woman in the picture to make the M/m fantasy exciting, I don’t mean that literally. The wife is very much “in the picture” when the “other man” takes the husband to the barn for a strapping because it is the three way relationship with the wife that gives the lover authority over the husband, isn’t it?
Your perception of the relationship between the two men is a bit different than my husband’s. You see it as one alpha male being disciplined by another. I think that probably reflects a difference between you and my husband. From what I have read of your work experience, you are more of a competitive alpha type than he his. He is independent minded, and can be ridiculously competitive in arguments, but he didn’t seem to have competitive feelings about the workplace at all. Anyway, he pointed out to me that, even if the husband in the story is normally an alpha male, he is not an alpha male relative to the lover because the wife has ordained that the lover is the alpha male relative to the husband. He also claimed that no man would submit to the humiliation of a bare assed spanking from another man without a fight unless that humiliation was part of a power exchange with a woman. He claims that, even if one man was clearly stronger than the other, most men would prefer taking a black eye in a fight to the humiliation of obeying a command to bend over and bare their butt for punishment by another man.
By the way, Dan, if memory serves me, your wife was also “in the picture” in that dream you recounted of the spanking from your male office manager. Didn’t you say that in the dream you appealed to your wife to save you from your fate, but she was content to let you get your comeuppance from the manager? Also, I believe you said that in your dream, you knew your spanking would be overheard by both your wife and your co-workers, including women co-workers presumably?
When Wayne and I embarked on a FLR, and we began to explore our erotic fantasies together, cuckolding was the kink that surprised me most and that seemed the most embarrassing one for him to acknowledge. But it seems that for him, the thought of me having a sexual freedom that is denied to him is very similar to other kinds of femdom power exchange like F/m spanking, domestic servitude, one-way oral sex, orgasm denial, etc. After I got over the initial shock, I found his cuckold fantasy liberating because it freed me to tell him that my own fantasies were not entirely centred on him. I don’t know for sure, but I imagine most women fantasize about extra-marital sex. I always have, but before FLR that was a guilty secret. It is now a source of erotic excitement for both of us.
When you say you would respond “like a typical jealous male” to being cuckolded, but you wouldn’t have any problem with your wife spanking other men, that may show that spanking in itself is less erotic for you than it is for Wayne. Both of those fantasies trigger feelings of jealousy for Wayne, but an aspect of his masochism is that jealousy is arousing to him.
Hi Danielle. Got it regarding the clarification of a woman "in the picture." I read that story so long ago, that I have forgotten many of the details. I can't quite recall whether the man was domm-ing both the wife and husband, or only the husband but was in a three-way sexual relationship of some sort. I believe it must have been the latter, because I do think the plot involve the woman asking the Dominant to help her discipline the husband. But, I don't think she was a Domme in her own right. More along the lines of she was banging the Domme and had cuckolded her husband, then told the Dom she was having troubles with the husband, and he kind of took it from there. And, you are right, my wife was part of that spanking dream, and other women (and men) were at the work gathering that I was taken out of.
DeleteI think Frank is right about the Alpha issue. My reference to Alphas was really more about my attraction to the male-on-male dynamic. I do think that in the story the husband was not an alpha, but not a full submissive either. My memory fails me, but I think Frank is clearly right that in context the husband was much weaker willed and susceptible to bossing around by the Dominant male. I am not sure he is right about a man requiring a woman to be in the picture in order to submit. I suspect it is true that most men would take the black eye, but more than a few might take domination over that kind of testing of wills and fighting prowess. Face it, there are a lot of people out there who on one level or another want to be led and gravitate toward a subservient position in the power structure.
Your reference to me as competitive at work is not quite right. I am not super competitive, and I tend to get along pretty well with peers and subordinates. My challenge is an overly developed anti-authoritarian streak, at least where other males are concerned. I just cannot take being told what to do by people above me. And, it is not all about other males. I once had a very domineering female boss. I think I was more accommodating of her bossiness that I would have been with another male in similar situations, but we eventually did butt heads.
It's possible that spanking is less erotic for me than for Wayne. It's hard to say. For whatever reason, I don't feel much jealousy at the thought of her spanking another guy, but if I thought it would result in sex before or after, that would definitely bring out my jealousy. I think I have some insecurity about being left, and for whatever reason her spanking someone doesn't resonate me as a situation that would lead to her leaving me for someone else but sex with that some person does. And, unlike Wayne, that jealousy is not arousing to me.
An "overly developed anti-authoritarian streak" is something you DO have in common with my husband. Strange that a man who generally takes an anti-authoritarian stance towards the world in general likes to be under his wife's thumb, don't you think?
DeleteI think insecurity about being left is a reasonable concern whenever a couple starts involving other people in their sex life, whether through cuckolding or open marriage or whatever. It is probably safer to keep some fantasies as fantasies, but a couple can have fun playing with fantasies without following through in real life, don't you think?
Danielle
Yes, it definitely is strange, and I have no real explanation for it. Maybe it is as simple as, needing and wanting someone strong enough to take you? Or, maybe it is about needing to balance out that very unbalanced anti-authoritarian state, and you can trust your spouse to "take you down a peg" without it being destructive in the long-run? And, while it is happening and she is bossing me around, I very much do NOT like it. I tend to like it retrospect, but not in the moment.
DeleteI do think some fantasies are better unfulfilled. I know there are some couples who manage open marriages and cuckolding in a healthy way. On the other hand, among my personal acquaintances (live ones, not the ones here) everyone who has gone down that road broke up over it. Of course, my data set is pretty limited.
Dan, I feel I need to comment on this:
Delete>>>I do think some fantasies are better unfulfilled. I know there are some couples who manage open marriages and cuckolding in a healthy way. On the other hand, among my personal acquaintances (live ones, not the ones here) everyone who has gone down that road broke up over it. Of course, my data set is pretty limited.<<<
Your comment has made me feel a bit guilty about being less than perfectly honest. I think that some people do manage open marriages and cuckolding “in a healthy way” without marital breakdown and nobody knows because they are secretive about it, fearing that they will be judged for it. So I have a confession to make: we have acted in real life on Wayne’s cuckolding kink. Everyone involved found it fun and even enriching, and my marriage to Wayne feels unshakable to me. That we aren’t so young and have been married a very long time may have made this more feasible than it might be for other couples. I don’t know. I won’t go into details because it’s not directly related to the DD theme of your blog, and I’m already worried that I will be ostracized here for revealing this. My point is that you may know other couples like us in real life without knowing about that aspect of their lives. None of our friends or family members know this about us, and I have no idea whether any of them might be doing similar things unknown to us.
Danielle
Hi Danielle. As I said, my data set is pretty limited, and I do think lots of couples can do that and it may work great for them. I just advise people who haven't done it yet to watch out, because they may be playing with fire. And I think you're right that it is more likely to work when a couple has been together a long time and know where the boundaries are. My first encounter with it was a guy at a job I had after college. He and his wife split up, and he told me it was because they had been swinging. He said that seeing his wife get fucked by another man had been a fantasy, but when he saw it in reality he couldn't handle it emotionally.
DeleteBut, I also had some "mature" friends who had been together a long time split up over a swinging relationship gone bad. This one was just a few years ago. Anne and I were friends with another couple. The primary relationship was between me and the husband, and he was a work colleague of mine. We had gone to dinner with them several times, attended parties at each others' houses, etc. He asked me to go out for a beer one afternoon and told me they were splitting up. After a couple of beers, he opened up that they had been very active swingers for a couple of years. It had been going great, then he happened to see some flirty texts between his wife and one of the men they had been "playing" with, which apparently broke some cardinal rule of swinging. Everything kind of degenerated from there. It actually was pretty funny in one respect. You could tell he was super concerned about me getting all judgey (sp?), and he tried to swear me to secrecy. I laughed my ass off, because his wife had asked me months earlier whether Anne and I were into the swinging scene and was quite clearly hoping I would say yes! Plus, they had been doing it with another couple from work who were not nearly as discreet about such things as my friend, so lots of us knew about their lifestyle choice. What is that line - "two can keep a secret if one of them is dead."
Thanks for telling us about it, though. And, feel free to share whatever details you like on this or other topics. When I censor things, it tends to be from anonymous commenters and trolls, or stuff that either is anti-DD or comes off as a personal attack on another commenter. I'm not not going to censor people for illustrating aspects of their sex lives.
Dev has never gone overboard ( but at times I disagree. ) She very thorough and says bruising is all part of the session. JR
ReplyDeleteThanks, JR. Thoroughness is good, even if it doesn't seem so at the time!
DeleteI think I already posted a while back about my wife English wife Caroline and her preference for the cane. She has told me often that one of the things she has found that she enjoys about administering corporal punishment is the stripes. Like your wife Dan, she will ask to inspect my bottom from time to time after she has caned me. 'Lets have look at that bottom then...' she will say with a grin and a raised eyebrow at bed time, and then I either turn my back to her or lie on the bed or her to have really good look and a feel. Then she will say something like 'golly, that is a really angry bottom' or some such. Caroline has always been a regular tennis player and her right arm is strong and sinuous. This means that she can really lay on the strokes and 10 of the best with me bend over the back of a chair with trousers and underpants taken down has become her usual punishment. Ten strokes is a very sound punishment and she is so well practiced with the cane now that each stroke leave a real purple welt that stands up and will feel quite thick to the touch for some hours later. These welts will have subsided and be less sore by the next day but the red stripe will remain and will usually last for three weeks or so. Sometimes a little longer.
ReplyDeleteSorry, Dan I pressed 'send' by mistake and there are some typo's in the message above. I intended to go on to say that there are occasions when if we are making love with me on top shortly after i have been caned, she will sometimes run her fingers or nails over the still sore and raised weals and will make remarks and comment on them in a teasing self satisfied sort of a way as the sex progresses. Naturally, we both enjoy this very much and to have my bottom striped in a way that lasts makes Caroline feel very much as if she has got her revenge and come out on top after whatever i have done to offend her. It also makes me feel very much as if the world has been put to rights. We both like it that the stripes last as long as they do. 'A remainder that lasts.' as my wife likes to say. There, thats my two pence worth on the subject of marks !
ReplyDeleteSomething that surprised me about our recent experiments with caning was the bruising. I fully expected the welts or "stripes." I was surprised at the very dark and painful bruising on my hip. I didn't have any objection to it, but it was surprising given the only light bruising I get from even very hard spankings.
DeleteWith me bruising is something you get when something has gone wrong and not a goal to aim for. Having a red glowing bottom or the marks of a good implement that lasts for days is something I would want as an aim for my domestic chastisement but proper bruising is a different kettle of fish. In the end I suppose I'd put it this way, if I was getting 3 deserved sound spankings in a week I think the last thing Mrs GL wants to see whilst administering the second or third is blue/black markings over her target. I have admitted on here before that I do occasional trips to disciplinarains, a couple of which advertise that if a purple/black bottom is your need they can supply. However the same professionals can respect my limits and send me home with 2-3 days of glow (whilst still making me know I have been properly spanked). Given you get that and the peace of mind that goes with relieving stress (plus other bonuses) I am content that even where a chastisement is to make a point Mrs GL has no need to leave me "black and blue", cheery red will be just fine. Cheers Good Life Mickey.
ReplyDeleteI can see where red and glowing would be a nice compromise state to aim for between over- and under-marked.
DeleteAunt Kay often inspected her handiwork the next day and sometimes for a few days afterwards.
ReplyDeleteI think she enjoyed it in the way she enjoyed reviewing a piece of her art work and if it was gone too soon she might be disappointed.
Nice analogy!
DeleteToday's topic reminds me of the scene in 'Story of O' "{O's lover) was the first to point out that the leather whip, the first they had used on her, left almost no marks (in contrast to the whip made of water-soaked cords, which marked almost upon
ReplyDeletecontact, and the riding crop, which raised immediate welts), and thus allowed them to prolong the agony and follow their fancies in starting and stopping. He asked them to use only the whip."
Kind of like David and Mickey, my wife is not looking to make welts or bruises, but just that "cheery red" overall color. She'll feel for the heat generated to see how things are progressing. She does like rechecking on the color later on, though it generally fades in a few hours.
CrimsonKing
Thanks, CK. I will to ask my wife whether when she puts her hand on my ass during a spanking, she is checking for heat. I really don't know.
DeleteHi
ReplyDeleteI have been following this blog for over a year and learned a lot from the comments and experiences. It’s nice to see more women participating I wanted to make a comment about how a wife knows when to wind up a spanking. I have been married for 8 years in August and spanking him (Jake) for almost 11 years. It has been discipline almost from the beginning after one of his former girlfriends confided he was into spanking women (She would be amazed today if she knew where that went) AS far as when I know to wind up a punishment spanking, the truth is I rely on my intuition and probably get it wrong sometimes. But the one thing I never do is ask him if he is “sorry” or has had enough. Of course he is going to say anything he needs to stop the spanking but that doesn’t mean it’s time for me to stop He’s sorry because he’s getting spanked or got caught but I want remorse for the attitude or behavior that got him in trouble. That takes longer to get to and usually requires a lot of sincere “yes ma’am’s” from him. I always wrap it up if he is crying because that is proof positive I have broken through and I also look for signs that he has mentally and physically accepted his punishment. Sometimes too you just want to make a point or send a message and so you decide how hard and how many and stop when you feel the message has been delivered Feedback from him too helps since he is very open after being spanked and will tell me if I went too far or stopped too early and I can adjust for the next time. But don’t expect him to help during a spanking because he can’t.
Greta
Hi Greta. Welcome! Thank you for contributing this first time, and I certainly hope it will not be the last. The nuances in your comments about his pleas and objections seem very realistic. "But the one thing I never do is ask him if he is “sorry” or has had enough. Of course he is going to say anything he needs to stop the spanking but that doesn’t mean it’s time for me to stop He’s sorry because he’s getting spanked or got caught but I want remorse for the attitude or behavior that got him in trouble." Very wise!
DeleteThanks again, and I look forward to hearing from you in the future.
Hi Greta,
DeleteMy wife is a lot like you. When she spanks me she first starts out by putting me over her knee and giving me 3 or 4 whacks then lectures me, then a few more whacks and lectures me more while I'm answering yes ma'am. This goes on for a while until she gets her point across. She can tell she's getting to me when she hears me sobbing and my voice cracking and apologizing. When she stops lecturing the real spanking begins. She will begin rapid firs whacks with her paddle which makes me scream and cry. I never ask her to stop but I am apologizing and promising to be a good boy but she just continues until she is satisfied I feel remorse for my wrong doing. Spankings really have made me a better husband.
Dan
Greta said " But don’t expect him to help during a spanking because he can’t." So true. I was always desperate for it to end very soon after it began. But what I hoped for and what happened were not related.
DeleteI do think slow but sure gets results that last. Effectively disciplining a husband is more a marathon than a sprint and I take my time knowing from experience that longer spankings get him mentally and emotionally where I want him to be. He has told me when they go on and on he just gives up and starts to feel ashamed for his behavior and I am convinced that is what brings real change. There is probably a physical memory involved too that doesn’t happen with shorter spankings. But a woman has to decide when the job is done. Your husband may be honest with you after a spanking but not during one. Earlier in our relationship I often stopped a spanking after thoroughly warming his ass and put him in the corner for a while and then brought him out for another one. That ALWAYS did the job. I rarely do that today preferring the longer and more leisurely approach that allows me to scold while holding a conversation with him. When I am finished he always understands why he was spanked and how to avoid another one.I know my husband is the sweet, successful attentive and OBEDIENT guy he is today because of spanking. Without it I doubt he would have got through college and today might be a bum (instead of presenting his bum to me when ordered) (bad pun I know). Off topic some I am curious how often (after the first year or so) spankings get handed out. I am still catching up on the archives so maybe this has been covered but it seems many women spank more often than I do. All my spankings are disciplinary so sex and spanking are strictly separated in this house. But if I need to deal with him more than once every month or two it is unusual.
DeleteGreta
For us, the frequency is similar to yours -- every month or two. Honestly, it probably should be more often given the amount of bad behavior, but "real life" often gets in the way.
DeleteHi Dan
Deletefirst, thanks for all the hard consistent work you have invested in this blog.It's becoming a place where a woman can feel safe and engage in intelligent discussion.Also thanks for reassuring me that my frequency disciplining Jake is at least not too different than others. I consider myself very strict ( with him)and take pride in being effective in anything I do( which includes spanking my sometimes naughty husband)I may not agree with you that spankings should sometimes be more frequent. I would be happy to spank him every week if he earned it and I probably did spank him that often early in our relationship and who knows I may need to again someday. But for now he is in that 1 to 2 month pattern where his screw ups are far apart.
Greta
Hi Greta. Thanks for the kind words, and your reference to a place where women exploring these relationships can feel "safe" is one reason that I haven't taken an "anything goes" approach and may sometimes be a little too heavy-handed in policing comments that, in my view, drift over into attacks or just aren't focused on this lifestyle. In any event, thank you.
DeleteOn frequency, every couple is different. And, it sounds like your husband may just be a hell of a lot more "teachable" than I have been. ;-)
The topic of long spankings makes me think of the weightlifting concept of time under tension, where the amount of time the muscle is under tension is a factor in muscular growth. With respect to discipline, time under the paddle seems to be even more important. There's something intensely humbling about wanting the spanking to come to an end and having it continue. It really gets across who is in charge and who isn't. And then there's the added exposure. There's no salvaging whatever is left of one's dignity like there may be in an equally painful but shorter spanking.
DeleteOn frequency, I suspect many men who are disciplined might prefer more frequent spankings no matter how well they are meeting their significant other's expectations. There was a blog, no longer updated, by a woman head of the household who wrote about spanking her husband daily. I doubt they were as hard as many woman would when punishing, but I didn't get the impression they were erotic either. I think that many men attracted to this lifestyle crave the intensity and intimacy of the act almost as much as they do the oversight.
Just saw that Greta's husband is also named Jake. Needless to say the author of this comment and the one directly above is not that Jake.
Delete"There's something intensely humbling about wanting the spanking to come to an end and having it continue." Agreed. During the one I got on Sunday, I was very close to begging her to stop, which I usually don't do, but reaching that point definitely emphasizes just who is in control and who is not.
DeleteHi, Greta, this is Elizabeth. I spank my husband Frank almost every Friday evening when he presents to me a list of misbehaviors during the previous week. Many of them are minor but we have agreed they need consequences. I have come to believe that he needs this weekly punishment, as much for the "intensity and the intimacy," as the other Jake says, as for the behavior modification.
DeleteI usually do take my time while punishing him, with pauses for scolding or just silence between swats and to let the pain sink in. But if I am particularly aggravated I go faster. I do find that he gets the deeper message when he has the time to let go and accept what is happening rather than focusing on his reaction to the pain. So yes, I agree that slower is better.
Elizabeth
Hi Greta, it’s nice to see another woman here who is into FLR. I like the description of your husband as “a sweet, attentive, successful, and obedient guy.” That’s the way I think of my husband. One difference is that I wouldn’t attribute my husband’s success to my discipline. His success was his own doing, and I don’t think he would really need my discipline to be a successful, self-regulating adult if he wasn’t married to me. But since he has asked for a FLR, discipline is an important part of keeping him in his place as a “sweet, attentive, obedient guy.”
DeleteAs for your question about the frequency of spankings, once every month or two for truly punitive spankings seems pretty normal to me. It seems to me that if a wife has to spank her husband constantly to deter bad behavior, the spankings must not be an effective deterrent.
Like you, I incorporate lots of scolding into my husband’s spanking. I believe that shame and embarrassment is as important as the physical pain when I spank him, so I like to see that his face becomes as red as his bum. Unlike you, I tend to take his word for it when he tells me he has learned his lesson and promises to behave better. Maybe I am naïve about that. Maybe I let him off too easy. But I figure the proof is in the pudding, and he really does behave better after a spanking.
Another difference is that I don’t keep spanking and sex strictly separated. Some spankings are purely disciplinary, but I also do erotic spankings, and I don’t mind blurring the boundaries between disciplinary spanking and erotic spanking. I think that spankings can serve different purposes. A wife can spank punitively to deter undesirable behavior. Alternatively, spanking can bring about erotic enthrallment, which is also an effective tool of behavioral control. Well, maybe not for all men, but it works for my husband.
Danielle
Jake, I am interested in your point about the value of long spankings:
Delete>>> With respect to discipline, time under the paddle seems to be even more important. There's something intensely humbling about wanting the spanking to come to an end and having it continue. It really gets across who is in charge and who isn't. And then there's the added exposure. There's no salvaging whatever is left of one's dignity like there may be in an equally painful but shorter spanking.<<<
I can see your point. It makes sense. But I think a short spanking can be humbling too. Consider this. My husband has a spanking fetish. He craves spankings, and he fantasizes about spankings that are long and hard. Don’t you think it must humble him when I show him how quickly I can get him to apologize and ask me to stop? He knows, and he knows that I know, that his ability to take a real spanking falls far short of his fantasies.
I’ve been thinking that I don’t like beating my husband until he’s bottom is bruised because I’m less sadistic than the masochist in him would like me to be. But maybe that isn’t entirely true. I think there is something vaguely emasculating about allowing my husband to escape of his own volition from the kind of long spanking he craves between spankings. And if I’m honest with myself, it turns me on a bit to shame him that way. So maybe I’m more rather than less sadistic than he would like, but in a psychological rather than a purely physical way
Danielle
Danielle,
DeleteMany spankees, not just men, have reported that they get more emotional when the length of their spankings increase. And my earlier post was speculation of why that might be the case. It's humiliating in a different way than what you describe, as its right in line with the core of the fantasy, the fear of and attraction towards being overwhelmed.
And that said I hear you, and I agree. Who could argue that someone quickly asking for mercy after a spanking began is undergoing a rather humbling experience? And yeah, I get how it's rather more than that. You're showing him up and playing off of that common fantasy.
I never ask Elizabeth to stop. I feel it is not my place and would somehow be violating our understanding that she is in charge of DD. I know she would stop if I asked/begged her to, but then I am in control of the spanking and it becomes my fetish fulfillment rather than true DD. At least that's how my brain sees it.
DeleteI know she loves me and is only giving me what I have earned. My job is to take it and learn from it and accept her punishment and thank her for it.
Frank
Jake, I agree with you completely. I think you are probably right that a spanking that goes on an on after the spankee wants it to stop would have different psychological effects than the kinds of short spankings I normally give my husband.
DeleteI suppose spanking a man until he completely loses his composure and starts to sob would be humbling—or even humiliating—in a more heavy handed way. Examining my own thoughts and feelings, I realize that I feel little inhibited as a spanker. I can understand why my husband is turned on by drawings of men crying as angry women spank them in a way that marks their bottoms. I find some of those drawings kind of arousing myself. But I am squeamish about photographs of heavily bruised or welted bottoms. I’m also turned off by videos I’ve seen online of men sobbing and begging for a harsh punishment to stop. I haven’t seen many videos like that because the ones I have seen turned me off, and I feel as though it would turn me off to break my husband down that way. I realize I am not very consistent in my feelings about humiliation. I enjoy the way my kind of spankings humiliate and shame my husband, and I’ve acquired a taste for other forms of humiliation play (like CFNM, SPH, or feminization). But for some reason, those videos I’ve seen of guys reduced to sobbing messes seem too viscerally humiliating…degrading even. I’m not saying harsh corporal punishment is necessarily degrading in any objective way. It’s just the way I feel about it. But now I’m second guessing my own intuition and wondering whether I’m depriving my husband of something of value to him.
Frank, thanks for your perspective on this too. I don’t think my husband is that different from you in the sense that he agrees it is my prerogative to spank him as I see fit. I get the sense that Elizabeth spanks you as SHE sees fit and doesn’t ask for your opinion as to how much is enough. But suppose she stopped and asked, “Have you learned your lesson, or do I need to spank you some more?” Answering that question with an honest yes would not violate your understanding that she is in charge, would it?
Danielle
Jake said, "It's humiliating in a different way than what you describe, as its right in line with the core of the fantasy, the fear of and attraction towards being overwhelmed." Yes! This! I totally agree, and I think this is the core of the reaction I had when I first stumbled on the Disciplinary Wives Club website. It was not the spanking per se that created the morbid fascination (and I emphasize MORBID). It was the fear and attraction of being overwhelmed. Of being taken completely out of your comfort zone. Of being taken to a point of tears not for their own sake, but because real tears would be such a clear and apparent surrendering of my own will to her will to spank me until I simply cannot voluntarily resist it emotionally any more. I don't know how to explain it better than that.
DeleteDan and Jake: I totally agree. I crave getting such a hard, brutal, non-stop paddling whipping that I totally lose control — crying, sobbing hysterically and completely surrendering. It would be even better if my wife had a girlfriend witness. The shame and humiliation, as well as the pain, would be so great that I would be taken to a place I’ve never been. It’s that fear of the worst of the worst — it’s extremely fascinating and arousing. I don’t know if my wife will ever do that for me... it will take a long time ... but I hope so.
DeleteDavid, I think to reach that point, it really must be the duration element that is missing for us. My wife has given me some VERY hard spankings, but only a couple of times have I even gotten close to crying. I know ZM said for him it was duration -- when he finally cried it was after a much longer spanking. While KD thinks I explore this topic too often, maybe I will just open it for our discussion around tears for next week, since we have many new commenters.
DeleteDanielle,
DeleteMy wife does ask, "Have you learned your lesson," though she does not add "or do you need to be spanked some more." If I don't answer "Yes Ma'am" quickly enough, she gives me more. But to me that is not at all the same as me asking her to stop.
We do have a system in place so I know approximately how many swats I am getting, assuming I take them well and give her no back talk. So that is a great advantage for me over some of the guys on here who have no idea how many or how long. I almost always get between 100 and 150 swats. Sometimes less or more, but I know from my list of transgressions what I am due (approximately). That's another difference between our DD, which includes specific punishments for specific behaviors, and the FLR-oriented punishment.
Frank
Danielle,
DeleteThe only comment I think it's appropriate for me to make here is that it's generous of you to reflect on your gut response. Well OK, I'll make another comment. Some of the videos are distasteful to me as well, especially when they're both physically harsh and there seems to be little connection between the two parties.
Here's an example of one that is on the long side, not disturbingly harsh (tastes may of course vary) and provokes an emotional response from the man (perhaps an exaggerated one at that): https://www.spankingtube.com/video/48848/wife-spanks-hand-paddle
Dan,
I had the same response to the DWC website. The accounts, stories and guestbook entries that got my attention were the ones where the man was taken to tears. What it represents to me is that someone unequivocally lost a battle of wills. It isn't about harshness but rather the woman being able to make him vulnerable to her. And it's the stories detailing this aspect, like crying beforehand or for a period of time afterwards well out of proportion to the pain given, that really get the hooks in.
I can relate to your connection with work...sounds like my life.
ReplyDeleteMy wife generally does not mark. Mostly becuase I don't mark easily. I never have had issues with bruising or recovery if I did. She can deliver one hard spanking and no evidence in 24 hours...sometimes by the next morning there is nothing.
One exception is for longer work travel that will be challenging for all your above listed reasons. She will purposefully try to leave a few as a reminder to behave and reflect on in the hotel mirror. This usually mean very hard concentrated swats in a few areas to leave them. The longest she ever accomplished was a 3 day mark...and it hurt to get there.
Fun way to live, isn't it? All that glamorous business travel?
DeleteYou have to wonder how much on-the-road infidelity would be headed off by wives sending them off on the road with bruised bottoms that would be on open display to anyone they dropped their pants for.
Dan, your idea of a wife sending hubby off on a business trip with a well marked bottom as a preventative for infidelity made me smile. Knowing my own husband the way I do, I think it would be better to send him away with a pale, unmarked bottom. If he ever cheated on me and dropped his pants for another woman, I’m pretty sure spanking would be involved. Seeing a professional dominatrix for a long, hard spanking would probably be his biggest temptation. So if his bum was lily white when he left, I could check to see whether any other woman had left her mark on him while he was away. ;-)
DeleteTo be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t be terribly upset if he did that, but I might reduce his allowance for a while if he was able to spend that kind of money for a professional spanking.
Danielle
Danielle, that is pretty damn funny. I never would have thought of that.
DeleteI suspect you are rare in not being terribly upset if your husband sought out such professional assistance. Somehow, I doubt mine would be that forgiving. Not that I have asked . . .
Something like that actually happened to me in my bachelor days. I was seeing two different women and spanking was involved with both without either knowing (I thought). One evening I was visited by girlfriend A for a surprise visit late at night. Before she left she blistered me pretty well. The following morning girlfriend B turned up (both had keys) with sex on her mind. She had spanked me before but not regularly and when she saw the clear signs of a recent spanking ( previous night) she freaked out and ended up telling me I “belonged to someone else” and she didn’t want to see me again ( and she was a beauty). I learned that day to avoid ever exposing my bottom if I had been recently spanked. Since then I have often wonder if some women don’t instinctively “mark” their guy to warn off other women. I eventually married girlfriend A (who it turns out did know about B) and we had nine wonderful years together before parting. But I sometimes think about girlfriend B and how things went for her. She was actually the most natural spanker I ever knew but she sure didn’t want to share
DeleteBOBB
Very interesting. My wife is not into sharing either.
DeleteDan, I wouldn't say I would accept "sharing" my husband, but I wouldn't see him being spanked by a professional as sharing exactly. Beyond that, I guess I do have a much more relaxed attitude about the IDEA of extramarital sexual activity than I did when I was young. When we were first married, I told Wayne that if he ever cheated on me, I would divorce him, and I meant it. And if I had been Bob’s girlfriend, I would have dumped Bob the way she did. While not condoning cheating, I no longer feel as strongly about it. It’s a bit hard to explain. It may be purely an effect of aging, but I no longer feel as though my husband having a dalliance with another woman would be an existential threat to my marriage. It may also be an effect of becoming open to kinkiness as a result of FLR. Once we went down that road, we both began to share our sexual fantasies. I think I have mentioned that one of my husband’s femdom kinks is cuckolding. We have played with that fantasy as fantasy, and it wasn’t that difficult because, let’s just say, once I was able to communicate my own fantasies freely, it turned out I was not as straight-laced as I had previously let on to my husband…or admitted to myself. That has been sexually liberating, and it has changed my feelings about the IDEA of extramarital sex. I will leave it at that, since general kinkiness is not the subject of your blog.
DeleteDanielle
I'm just fine with you over-sharing about personal kinkiness. ;-)
DeleteI do get what you are saying. We have been pretty vanilla when it comes to our approach to DD, and even to FLR. We have though talked about the need to make the latter more kinky and erotic. Things like witnesses or participants in spanking sessions would probably be a hard line for her, however. Though, I've learned you never know how your attitudes may change over time. There are also times that I've thought the prospect of being spanked by someone else might be a powerful incentive to behave better. I know Alan has said that once the fantasy of witnesses is over, it is actually a very humbling experience.
Although I've browsed this excellent site for quite awhile, it was mainly casual. Just recently I made a brief post because of how impressed I had been with the intelligence & value of the contributions. In a sense, I guess I'm saying what I already said that first time, but that first post from Greta encouraged me to repeat it. As much as I appreciate the thoughts of the males (& I DO!), it is GREAT to have women participating. I hope more choose to do, for several reasons. First, I think, as a rule, males are inclined to stay more civil when women are present. And the atmosphere here is impressively intelligent & adult.
ReplyDeleteMore important is that, I think, most males hunger to know exactly what women think. Especially about a subject as sensitive as this. You already have several excellent contributors of the fairer sex. I hope they continue to contribute. I just hope others will contribute as well. Hopefully, their male partners that already post can persuade their ladies to contribute. Over the past couple weeks I've gone back several weeks to especially enjoy the insights of the female contributors. And the variety of approaches and female opinions is itself a wonderful education for me...even this late in life.
Good job all!
Hi Chuck. I share your hopes, though so far I have a fairly bad record when it comes to female contributors sticking around. If you go back to to prior years, you'll see there have been some really interesting female contributors. Marisa and Holly are two that contributed some great stuff, then just vanished. It always makes you wonder whether they were offended by something or someone, got bored, left the lifestyle, or just aren't with us anymore.
DeleteI am sitting on a red bottom as I comment due to not meeting my required chores this past week.
ReplyDeleteDoes my wife leave marks and is it a concern?
Well, we have made an agreement (one that has produced much harmony and bliss in our over 30 years of marriage) that permits her to spank as hard and long as she see fit...for my actions, or my lack of actions. Sometimes, that means a session severe enough to leave bruising and marking for a few days. At the end of the day, our relationship is real. Real punishment sometimes needs to leave an impression felt a few days later. I consider myself a very lucky man to have a wife who loves me enough to leave her mark on my behind. It has made me stronger and us closer.
Agreed on all counts.
DeleteOnce my wife gets more into spanking regularly, I will try to get her to look at this blog and participate. She is quite willing to spank me at my request, but is not at the point where she initiates it.
ReplyDeleteHopefully she'll get there over time.
DeleteThe "markings" (and bruising) depend on which "tools" I am using -and, of course, on the length and severity of the punishment- The rattan cane and the crop leave welts that may last for some two or three days. The martinet (depending on how hard, and how long, I use it) also leaves lasting marks on L's derrière - and so do the maple switches I keep soaking in water and vinegar. The hairbrush, the kitchen spoons and paddles make for a very red (and sore!) bottom, but leave no long-lasting marks.
ReplyDeleteJ
Paddles used to leave me very bruised, but not anymore.
DeleteI bruise much less than I used to. After more than 2500 spankings, my butt is used to it, I guess!
ReplyDeleteI used to get bruises that were sometimes there a week later. Elizabeth refused to spank an already bruised bottom, so I would sometimes miss my Friday session, which displeased me. I began using Arnica gel, which was developed for burns, and it definitely accelerated the healing. For those interested, make sure to get the gel, not the cream.
Now I get spanked just as hard but the bruises, if any, are typically gone in a day or two. Elizabeth likes to punish a "smooth white bottom," so I try to give her that!
Frank
This is Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteOnce I started paddling hard, which was several months after we began DD, Frank did bruise quite a bit. A hundred swats would leave him marked for days, and sometimes even to the next Friday. I did not like that; it made me feel cruel, and I refused to spank an already bruised bottom.
Over the years, though, his butt has toughened considerably. Now he will have virtually no marks the day after a hundred swats. However, if we get into the 150-200 range, then he will bear marks, but usually not for more than a few days.
I like his bottom bright red, but not bruised. If I know it is going to bruise, then during "aftercare" I will often rub Arnica gel on his behind. If he does that 2-3 times a day for the next several days, the bruises are usually gone. He likes when I do it for him, of course. He finds it quite arousing.
We don't go to the gym -- we both get plenty of exercise around our place -- so he doesn't have the problem of a bruised bottom being spotted, We did have one incident where we forgot about a Monday doctor's appointment. And he was due for a prostate exam! He had bruises and was very nervous about it, but he just told his doctor he would rather wait until the next visit for that check (which many men find embarrassing anyway), and his Doc didn't press it. But I had one very nervous husband that day, and I was nervous for him, too, as we do keep our DD very private.
Frank recently has been talking to me about the cane, and "laddering." I guess that is when a caner can leave marks that can be seen and counted individually, one right above the other like rungs of a ladder. Frank would like to try that. I have done very little caning and am not sure I want to try to master a new implement. This is obviously part of his spanko fetish rather than just DD. So to date I have been resistant. What do people know about cane marks?
I cut and pasted Frank's entry from last week about bruising.
Elizabeth
The can has never worked well for us. My wife had trouble handling it, and it just didn’t hurt very much. Then,
Deleteon ZM’s recommendation I bought some synthetic canes. The pain was much worse, and I think they were easier for her to handle. But, after some progress she seems to have given up on them again
Elizabeth,
DeleteMy wife is a Canemistress, meaning she has some expertise and has taken a couple of workshops in caning techniques. She (and i) have also given demonstrations at parties and events!
There definitely is a technique to caning, especially if you are trying to "ladder." It takes quite a bit of practice, but it sounds like you have a willing "model."
My wife has become quite good at laddering. She started with "six of the best" until she could raise those welts in parallel lines. Then she began practicing 12.
Of course one factor is the size of the "canvas." i have quite a large bum, but even so the bottom two stripes are across my upper thighs - and thus the most painful of all. Sometimes she can get all 12 parallel but sometimes there is overlapping. i always know when she overlaps because it burns like crazy.
i appreciate that my wife had taken such an interest in caning artistry!
A husband who knows
A quote from Proverbs 20:30 similar to how this discussion starts:
ReplyDelete"Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts."
Elizabeth
I was not familiar with that one. Very appropriate.
DeleteI've been reading your blog for some time. In fact, I just added the link to yours from mine. I never marked very much. Also, even after a very strong spanking, I rarely have any sore spots for more than an hour or two when she's done. If anything, over the years, my butt has become even more resistant.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion, our punishment has changed a bit. Now, to be sure I remember what happens if I break a rule, I receive at least three spankings on consecutive days for any offense. Each spanking is very intense. I've discovered that I dread each succeeding day's punishment more than the day before.
These serial spankings are in lieu of lasting marks and sore spots. My wife has also let me know that if I repeat an offense the number of daily spankings I receive will go up dramatically.
This is all pretty new. She's only given me one series of three spankings so far. However, I'm due for more now. I forgot to remind her of something for the second week in a row. She's written that I've earned extended retribution.
I think that this approach is going to be much more effective for me then a single spanking. As far as I know, this is an unusual approach to punishment.
I think the most I have gotten has been two spankings on consecutive days. I suspect three would be much harder to endure.
DeleteWe have toyed with the punishments on consecutive days. Interestingly enough, that does entirely change the whole "marking" thing for us, which is why we tend to not do it. It more painful the second day (which is of course the point), but somehow it also seems to result in the really bad bruising that lasts for multiple days or a week. She is a little disappointed when the marks aren't visible for a while, but she also doesn't like to see extensive bruising that lasts for 10 days...
Delete-ZM
That sounds like an excellent way to punish without leaving excessive marks, if that is the goal. My marks from yesterday’s spanking have almost totally faded. But if I had to go over her knee again today and again tomorrow I think it would make an impact on me.
ReplyDeleteThis is a little off topic but I wanted to see if any of you could help with a question Lola and I have. We went to the vendor fair of a spanking convention for the first time this weekend to see if we could find a few new implements. We were both nervous but it turned out to be a great experience and we bought 3 new implements. Because it was a spanking convention and not an FLR convention, it seemed that it was mostly structured around the women getting spanked. We were more interested in a true FLR convention for education and socialization. Do any of you know if there are any of these and how to find them? I have not had any luck online finding any.
ReplyDeleteDrew
I am not aware of any, but perhaps others can help.
DeleteDrew, we (wife and I ) could give you some options. We are part of a wonderful DWC group.
DeleteI am interested in this conversation. Be nice to find a larger group that is more focused on our approach.
DeleteDrew, from what I have seen online, FLR means many different things to different people, so I’m not sure how useful a convention would be. I think that some people, maybe the majority, come to FLR through BDSM. It’s like they agree to extend the D/s power exchange from kinky sex play to a 24/7 lifestyle. I’ve seen other websites, and a book that I forget the name of, that push a version of FLR that is supposed to be totally non-kinky. Those people say that if a husband is sincere about accepting his wife as the head of the household, spanking or other kinky forms of domination shouldn’t even be necessary. I think that’s silly. My disciplinary practices may not live up to my husband’s fantasies, but I don’t think it’s realistic to expect him to submit to me without involving his kinks at all.
DeleteDanielle
Hi Danielle,
DeleteVery wise comment. The fantasies and kinks are the source of most of the power, uniqueness, and effectiveness of DD and FLR! Who would want to purposely exclude them. It would be like eating pancakes without syrup!
-ZM
Tears and crying while I'm spakning him and just after, tell me I'm doing my job as Disciplinarian. Marks tell me I did my job. If I've decreed the sheer panties, I can leave them pulled up and still admire my handiwork while he's in the corner, since I can see the red on his bottom through them. If I have a guest over to watch him get one, I can show off my handiwork to her, too. If I've decreed panties that aren't sheer, once he's in the corner, I pull down his panties so my guest and I can admire and comment on my handiwork.
ReplyDeleteHis bottom still bruises, so as part of his punishment, we have an inspection 2 days after a Disciplinary Session. If it's just me inspecting, he bends over and holds up his skirt and petticoats. I pull down his panties and inspect my work and make comments while I rub an implement, usually a ruler or riding crop, over his behind. If I had a guest, I invite her to come over for the inspection. I have him bend over, she lifts up his skirt and petticoats, I pull down his panties (I'm the only one allowed to pull up or down his panties, even he's not allowed to do that, except when he's getting dressed for discipline), then we inspect and comment on his bruised bottom.
He has to conclude by repeating how sorry he is for disobeying me and promise to do better. It ends with a swat from whatever implement I have, I pull up his panties and let down his skirt and petticoats.
The cane leaves marks. I don't give him more than 12 strokes, since I'm afraid of drawing blood, which is a hard limit for him. (besides that blood stains are hard to get out of his panties). I practiced for a long time before I ever used the cane on him. We do the inspection 2 days after a caning, too, since the marks are still on him.
We have rituals associated with discipline, this is just one of them.
In case I didn't make it clear, I don't use the cane on husband a lot, usually I use an assortment of paddles, straps or the hair brush, which leave different marks. The marks from the straps don't last as long as the ones from the paddles. The ones from the wood paddles last the l ongest.
DeleteJoe2 here,
ReplyDeleteBruises and marks are part and parcel of my spanking experience. In a perverse way, I want to see marks and bruises. At a basic level, I want to see evidence that the pain level is validated by the damage, e.g. I’m not overly sensitive to pain. Interestingly enough, the actual pain disappears in a very short while. Regardless of the marks, I rarely feel any pain the next day and can sit on a hard chair within an hour after the spanking. Only very rarely can I feel any evidence the next day and even then it is very minor.
The degree or duration of marking or bruising hasn’t really changed over time. If I get spanked twice or more in two weeks, my spank spot starts getting rough. My wife calls it alligator bum. If spankings continue, the roughness goes away, but the skin hardens up, so that it feels like thick leather. After a spanking, my sit spot gets a purply haze (like a bruise but deep under the skin). This purply haze is the longest lasting and can take weeks and weeks to go away. Around the sit spot, regular purple bruising occurs. Cane stripes off the sit spot bruise at the side of the impact point, but are more red than purple (but last almost as long). Many times, I get blood weeping pin pricks, kind of like the nick you get when shaving. The weeping is usually not evident until after the spanking. My wife thinks the weeping is a mixture of hitting an ingrown hair or crossing cane strikes. The only unusual marks are on my thighs. If my bum is too marked up, my wife will work on the upper thighs. The marks themselves are not usual. But when the marks on my thighs start healing, they go from purple to yellow.
No one other than my wife has seen my marks, but it does require planning, e.g. no trip to the pool if marked.
It's interesting, but your physical experience and mine are almost completely opposite. I now rarely mark, but the pain can last for several days. I got a very, very hard spanking on Sunday. Yesterday (Monday), it was very painful to sit. Today, a lot of the pain is gone, but it is definitely still there. Yet, I have some very minimal bruising on one "sit spot," and that's it.
DeleteJoe2 here,
DeleteHow many years did it take before your body stopped showing the effects of a spanking?
My wife tends to favour objects that sting at the time, but which rapidly cease to sting afterwards. The reason for this is she thinks the punishment should hurt there and then, but afterwards, that should be the end of things until the next spanking. Therefore, she doesn't favour implements that do deep damage and leave long-lasting marks. However, she doesn't mind using implements that leave marks that last for say a day. As for whether or not people can see them, I am not bothered if they do. I go to the gym regularly (failure to look after my figure can trigger a spanking), so I suppose it is possible, but as we aren't doing anything wrong, I don't see why it would be a problem if someone saw and I don't see why I should be reluctant to answer if asked.
ReplyDeleteAn enlightened attitude toward openness, though I admit I am not there (yet?).
DeleteDanielle here:
ReplyDeleteThanks for covering this topic, Dan. I don’t have much to contribute to the discussion, but I am interested in other people’s experiences. I rarely spank severely enough to leave more than a quickly fading rosy glow. I like seeing my husband’s bum turn from pale white to pink to red, but I wouldn’t want to bruise him in a way that gives him an excuse not to go to the gym, or to skip showering after a work out at the gym.
On one occasion I gave Wayne a strapping that left marks for a couple of days. I only struck him 5 or 6 times, but I was angry, so I really hit hard. That left some nasty looking welts. I don’t use that strap often because I rarely get truly angry.
Now that I think of it, the place of anger in a FLR or DD relationship is of interest to me. A couple of the images you posted in this weeks blog are what my husband calls “angry wife memes.” My husband is turned on by images like that. His femdom memory stick contains a whole file labelled “Angry Women” with images like that, and I suppose that means he would like me to angrier sometimes. The trouble is, that would feel phony to me. I consider myself to be strict, but I rarely get truly angry because Wayne responds well to my strictness.
Given my husband’s “angry wife” fantasies, I sometime marvel that he is so well behaved. As I’ve explained before, if I tell him to do something under threat of a harsh spanking, he always does what he is told, as though he is afraid to provoke my anger. I’m not complaining, mind you. I appreciate his obedience. But it does seem strange that he never intentionally provokes me to the kind of anger that turns him on as a fantasy. I suppose the reason is that intentionally provoking me would seem phony to him, like we were doing “an angry wife scene” rather than living a true FLR. It would also feel phony to me to pretend to be angry when I am merely annoyed, or to spank him with a harshness that felt out of proportion to the situation.
I like the drawing you included from KD Pierre of the woman who looks amused as she touches the reddened bum of the guy she has just spanked. I can identify with that.
I usually discipline husband more to administer correction for doing something that displeases me than me being angry at him. He's getting the consequences of doing things he knows he's not allowed to do.
DeleteHe's done things that made me angry, and has been punished for them, but, I try to delay administering punishment for those so I don't let my anger get the best of me and I do something I'll regret. At the same time, while I do want to administer a proper correction, I don't want to go so far he'll safeword out. When he has made me actually angry, I let him know and either inform him he's under discipline or just put him in chastity for a couple of days, to give me some time to calm down.
I actually liked the drawing of the wife in her bra with the leather strap. I got from the expression on her face more she's just given her husband what he's had coming to him more than she was angry. Maybe I identified with it, too, because I usually wear a bra and panty girdle when I discipline husband
Hi Danielle. I would do a topic on spanking in anger, but I think we have done that one pretty recently. I will say, while I don't know that I would call it a fantasy, I do think my wife should express anger and irritation more openly when she does feel them. Though, as you note, if it isn't real anger, then it would just be some role-playing scene.
DeleteHi Cecilia. Jay Em does have a way with portraying well-satisfied disciplinary women.
DeleteSorry, Dan, I didn’t mean to go off-topic by introducing the topic of spanking in anger, but it seemed to me to be related to the topic of marking and bruising. I guess my thinking was that bruising and marking is the result of harsh spankings, and harsh spankings seem to me to be an expression of anger. But Miss Celia’s point about not spanking in anger makes me think that I was wrong to assume that harshness necessarily expresses anger. I guess harshness could be based on a dispassionate judgment of what one's husband needs.
DeleteDanielle
Danielle, no problem at all.
DeleteI do agree that harsh spankings aren't necessarily tied to anger, or some expression of it. My own wife is pretty dispassionate when doling out even very hard spankings.
Anthony,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reply. My wife and I are interested to know how your DWC group communicates. Do you meet somewhere in person, do you blog , e-mail or what? How big is the group, what part of the country, etc. can you give more details please? Thanks,
Drew
Drew. Group is currently about 5-8 committed DWC couples who meet, sometimes as a group and sometimes just with a few couples. We have developed some truly amazing friendships.Our biggest challenge has been finding authentic couples. If you are on FB, you can message me from there.We have people on both sides of country and some in the north.
ReplyDeleteSorry Drew...just realized there are about 17 zillion Anthony Paynes on Facebook. After lurking for a long time, this is the first time I (wife and I) have commented on a thread here and do not want to hijack it with this conversation. Perhaps Dan will post something regarding groups in the future or he might suggest an anonymous and discreet way for you and I to converse off the tread. Discretion is our group's other main priority as we are all professionals and community members.
ReplyDeleteAnthony I dont want to hijack this thread but I would be interested in a private/discrete conversation. If you are interested I have an email somthingrandomdd at gmail I can also be found on spankingneeds.com as somthingrandom and PM me there.
DeleteIn have looked a few times for discreet ways to put together groups of real couples, but never found a really great solution. Facebook makes it almost impossible to set up an account in a way that is really anonymous. I did look at one alternative that was billing itself as a really private alternative to Facebook. I opened an account and was surprised to see that it really didn't do things like asking for a phone number or verified personal information. I can go back and look at that and think on whether there is a way to start an actual interactive exchange. In the meantime, let me think about whether I could act as a "clearing house" of sorts for those who trust each other to communicate directly, basically helping exchange email addresses with those who reach out to mine, so you don't have to post your own here on the blog.
DeleteSomethingrandom...Your email address does not seem to work for me. You,or anyone else interested in our group, can reach me at anthonypayne2019@mail.com
DeleteI often want to comment as I am reading the blog and comments but more often than not I run out of time to comment and then by the time I get back we are on to the next week.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I have made it to comment this week. We have played at a WLM for 9 years but just a few months ago we made it official with our own little ceremony. We have also played at DD during that time but have found myself over the bed or over my wife's lap more over the past months. Depending on what my Wife uses, how long she spanks, or how hard she spanks depends on whether or not I bruise and have marks later. Long story short I was spanked three times this weekend. Each time my wife added more bruising, not really bruise on top of bruise though I am sure there are some but added color in other areas. I don't believe this was her intention but just how it happened. Today, I still have bruises, some have disappeared and some have faded while others just seemed to change colors. I bruise rather easy in general, I can think about falling and get a bruise.
Luvinhub
Anthony,
ReplyDeletePlease e-mail me at drew021565@gmail.com. Privacy and confidentiality are very important to my wife and I also because I am also an executive in the company I work for and we live in a small community. I would like to communicate some to see if we are all comfortable with each other. Thanks,
Drew
So glad to see some of you working out ways to meet up. I hope you enjoy it as much as Aunt Kay and I did.
DeleteNothing is perfect or guaranteed. But for us it was very positive 99% of the time.
Tommy Nash,
DeleteAunt Kay helped us out greatly in our early days. My wife, I am very pleased to say, has tried to emulate Aunt Kay's willingness to help out her ladies in past years. We have had very few bad experiences meeting other couples!
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteIt has been a busy week so I haven't had time to comment or even read much, but anyway, here are my answers:
"Are marking and bruising part of your spanking experience?" - Yes, definitely so. She would have preferred no bruising, especially in the beginning, but it seems that anything that was hard enough to be truly punishment also left marks, especially in the beginning.
"Has the degree or duration of marking or bruising changed over time?" - Again yes, and in two divergent ways. First off, as I indicated last week, I bruise much, much less easily than before, and the marks tend to go away super fast. At the same time, in the beginning she was very squeamish about marking and bruising, and would sometimes even have me put underwear on so she wouldn't have to see it. Now, she is less so, and has even continued a few times after spots of blood have appeared, nonchalantly wiping my bottom and saying "there was a drop of blood" and continuing as if nothing had happened. Still, it is rare for me to have marks that last for over a day or so, except for the occasional cane wrapping marks that Dan has mentioned, which for some reason tend to last forever...
"Ladies, does concern about marking or bruising may you squeamish about giving a really hard, disciplinary spanking, or is that just part of him getting what he has coming?" - I will answer this for her. Yes, it still does make me squeamish sometimes, but a lot less than it used to. He (I) should be very afraid! :)
"Is it even possibly part of the evidence you look for that you made your point?" - Again, I am answering for her. Yes, this is part of the ultimate irony, that I both often stop spankings early because of too much marking, and yet am disappointed when there are no marks the last day. I guess that is just part of being mysterious. Hahaha. I don't think she might have worded it exactly that way, but it all happens to be true.
"And, lastly, has anyone ever gotten an unintended peek at the after effects of a good, hard disciplinary session?" - No, not as far as I know.
-ZM
Cane wrapping, also known as the wraparound, causes lasting marks because the cane is hitting the hip bone rather than the fleshy bottom. This can cause serious injury and must be corrected. The wraparound is a mistake of the caner, who is extending the cane too far. When lining the cane up before the strike, make sure that the tip will land in the fleshy bottom and not wrap around to the side.
ReplyDeleteAll spanking should be on the bottom and fleshy upper thighs, never on the hip which is covered by a thin layer of skin. You never want to strike bone with a cane!
A husband who knows
You have to avoid "curling" with the tawse, too.
DeleteI'm the Assistant Manager at a large hotel in a major east coast city. We see all kinds of people passing through the lobby, including Professional Dominatrixes on outcall. We know who they are and why they're there. We usually don't bother them, as long as there aren't any problems.
I asked one or two in my novice days about using a cane or a tawse. They were very happy to explain it to me and one even was willing to come to an out of service room and demonstrate the cane on a pillow. She told me to practice caning on a pillow and then an orange. She was at the hotel at least 3 times a week, so she actually asked me about my progress and even looked at a couple of the oranges. Once she pronounced me "ready" she advised taking it slow and give only 6 strokes the first couple of times and work my way up as I got better.
She also told me something like that about the tawse, and I should keep it to 10 or 15 strokes at first with then-boyfriend (now husband) in different positions, so I wouldn't curl it around him.
I'd tell people do your practicing on something first, then take it slow so you don't do any permanent or long lasting damage.
My wife struck my left hip with a large wooden paddle and yes, it left deep bruising and it hurt like crazy. Fortunately no lasting damage. I do tell her to aim for the middle and lower part of the bottom, but sometimes she misses. I still appreciate her efforts.
ReplyDeleteRegardless of the implement, it helps to tap the target 1-3 times before swinging. This is especially true for new disciplinary wives. Take your time with each strike. About five seconds: tap-tap-tap WHAM! pause ... tap-tap-tap WHAM! pause ...
ReplyDeletePlus, you don't have to vary the location much, especially with a larger implement. Mostly aim so that the bottom of the implement lands just above the crease of the thighs. That will focus on the lower half of the buttocks, where the flesh is thickest. Occasionally overlap the crease of the thighs, especially when you want to impart special emphasis, as it is more sensitive on that "sit spot."
Avoid the top half of the buttocks, where there is pelvic bone. I am sure Dan can find a good picture of the target area. (I am not allowed to surf the internet and am only allowed on a few blogs, including this one.)
A husband who knows
Hello "A husband who knows" and Miss Cecelia,
ReplyDeleteMy wife has now become quite proficient with the cane (and every other implement for that matter). Your tips are spot on. Unfortunately, the first time she used the cane she didn't realize those things (especially the lining up the tip with the center of the opposite cheek), and then another time that it happened she just kind of forgot. That time I told her quite early on, so only had a couple of miss-aimed strokes. Now she is very careful.
It was a learning process for her, and she has done very well. Especially in the beginning she tended to spank too high and I had to keep reminding her that it was dangerous to get that close to the tailbone.
-ZM
I don't know if Dan has a policy about posting links to spanking pirn videos on here, but my husband (and I) will not be able to participate if that continues, since he is a sex addict and that is just too much temptation. I know this does not apply to most of you but it is our situation.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
I may have gotten lost in the comments, but where is there a link to spanking porn videos? I do agree that I don't want them, particularly to commercial sites.
DeleteDan, I believe Jake posted the url to a spanking video in response to my comment above that I don't like what I've seen in videos of harsh spankings. The url is given, but it doesn't appear in the post as a hyperlink.
DeleteDanielle
Got it. I would like people to generally not point to commercial porn, though SpankingTube is a little different and isn't commercial per se. I do want to discourage porn content, but it is not an entirely clear line. Many of the drawings I post probably qualify in as "spanking porn" in my people's minds, and they probably are right.
DeleteFor many sex addicts, including me, drawings do not have the impact of videos. Dan, we would ask you to disallow links to porn videos (whether hyperlinks or not). This is the first one we have seen in our months of participation, and hopefully the last. If not, we will have to regretfully withdraw from this excellent blog.
ReplyDeleteFrank
Porn is more than a little in the eye of the beholder. For example, if there was a great video someone found on how to use a cane properly, I probably would not have a problem allowing someone to post that link and might even do so myself. So, while I will continue to police the blog the way I always have, I won't agree in advance to some blanket policy.
DeleteExactly so.I was about to point out that Spanking Tube has in the subcategory "Women spanking Men" some excellent videos we have learned much from watching( especially some of the caning videos)Not everything sexual is pornographic and not everything pornographic is sexual. My wife for example considers some of the everyday diet of violence on TV to be porn. And I agree with her
DeleteAlan
Hello Dan, which links or which publications you set here, is probably only your thing. Although I often agree with many of the reviews by pornographic critics, the upholder of moral standards should stay out of what you publish. They do not need to click on the link! For me, these are people who only consider their own morals and views to be right. I thank you also for your excellent blog, which represents the most diverse opinions! Greetings from Germany strictpunishedhubby
ReplyDeleteWe aren't imposing morals on anyone, and to say we are is as rude as it is untrue. My husband is a sex addict who cannot be exposed to porn videos. That has nothing to do with a moral stance. We wish the blog well. Another female contributor lost.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Elizabeth, that is clearly up to you. You've acknowledged that you haven't seen anything that you believe qualifies as porn on this blog. I've told you that I intend to police the blog as I always have and will deal with issues on a case-by-case basis. So, if that is not sufficient, you need to do whatever you feel you need to do.
DeleteElizabeth, I would be sorry to see you go. It is interesting to compare notes with another disciplinary wife with a different philosophy to DD/FLR. But I'm not sure why you think that url that Jake posted presents any special kind of temptation to a porn addict. It isn't a hyperlink, so to view that video one would have to cut and paste the url into an address field. Why does that add to the omnipresent and more direct temptation of a simple search for "F/M spanking videos"? For anyone with access to the Internet, femdom porn is always only seconds away.
DeleteDanielle
People who can't control their own behavior shouldn't try to control the behavior of others or try to impose their personal values on others. It is perfectly OK for Elizabeth to impose standards and behavioral expectations on Frank but not OK to insist they be imposed on everyone else.
DeleteGreta
Well, I really hope Elizabeth and Frank return. Their contributions were terrific and would be missed by us all.
ReplyDelete