The dreamers of the day are
dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it
possible.” ― T.E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom: A Triumph
Instead, she looked up from her conversation, and directed me very dismissively to run along and get it over with. My father was sitting at a nearby table, and he too seemed fully on board with my forthcoming punishment. He told me this one would be of a “totally different order” than anything I had experienced before. I was sullen and angry, though my concern seemed to be not so much the spanking itself but, rather, that everyone would know it was happening and might be able to overhear it. Our manager took me out of the room, and in the odd manner of dreams I didn’t really experience the spanking from a first-person perspective, but I could hear myself getting spanked hard and crying.
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples
Club. Our weekly gathering of men and
women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships. I hope you had a good week. In what is becoming a broken record, mine started
strong on the behavior front, then ended in a big fail coupled with disobedience.
Well, last week’s topic sure .
. . drifted. We began with how sex has
changed since DD and ended with whether religion frowns on dildo
collections. Seems like we all had a lot
of time on our hands last week.
This week’s topic is only
slightly less ethereal than our religious speculations. I predict it won’t be nearly as lively a discussion,
but it was the best I could come up with.
The topic is dreams related to spanking and domestic discipline. For someone who spends as much time as I do
thinking about domestic discipline and corporal punishment, I don’t tend to
dream about such things very often. Perhaps it’s
because I am actually in a DD relationship, so I don’t need to dream about
being in one? Though, while I don’t have
DD dreams very often, I do have them from time to time, and perhaps they reveal
a bit about what drives me to do this thing we do.
I had an interesting one a couple
of weeks ago. I had gotten into trouble for something; I’m not sure what but I
think it was some kind of low-level mischief.
In my dream, I was riding in a car with my mother. In the dream, she
was younger than she is today; probably mid- to late 40s. She had
picked me up from whatever trouble I had gotten into and was driving me home. There was deep snow along the road. She kept trying to pull off the road, but the
car couldn’t make it far in the snow, so she would pull back onto the road, drive a
little further, then try to pull over again.
I asked her what she was doing,
and she said something like, “I don’t think you understand the kind of trouble
you could have gotten into back there, or how much you are in now. So, I am going to take care of that.” It
became very clear that she had been trying to pull off the road so she could
spank me spank me in the car.
Fortunately or unfortunately depending on your perspective, I woke up
before she could carry out that sentence.
A couple of months ago, I had
a dream that probably speaks volumes about what I find really threatening. I dreamed I was at a large gathering of
business colleagues. It may have been a
holiday party or something like that.
But, unlike a normal work party, I also had family members in attendance,
including both my wife and my father.
While the details are sketchy, someone had ordered me to be spanked for
some office misbehavior. It was to be
done by our office manager, who is a man. As he was attempting to take me to an adjacent
room to spank me, I turned to my wife, who was sitting at a table with some
other people from work. I asked her to
intercede. I seemed to think there was
something very unfair about the spanking, and I was very agitated and intent on
pleading my case.
Instead, she looked up from her conversation, and directed me very dismissively to run along and get it over with. My father was sitting at a nearby table, and he too seemed fully on board with my forthcoming punishment. He told me this one would be of a “totally different order” than anything I had experienced before. I was sullen and angry, though my concern seemed to be not so much the spanking itself but, rather, that everyone would know it was happening and might be able to overhear it. Our manager took me out of the room, and in the odd manner of dreams I didn’t really experience the spanking from a first-person perspective, but I could hear myself getting spanked hard and crying.
Lots of interesting things going on there, and they all seem to speak to what I find very intimidating. The office environment, where I definitely have been known to cause problems, and everyone there knowing what was about to happen to me. My wife's casual and dismissive attitude, bordering on contemptuous. The embarrassment of knowing others would hear me getting spanked. And, being spanked by a man.
So, how about you? Do you dream about spanking or discipline, whether giving or receiving? If so, care to share a few dreams you have had, particularly anything that might be revealing about what drives you to be in this lifestyle?
So, how about you? Do you dream about spanking or discipline, whether giving or receiving? If so, care to share a few dreams you have had, particularly anything that might be revealing about what drives you to be in this lifestyle?
Have a great week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbU3zdAgiX8
ReplyDeleteJoe2 here,
ReplyDeleteI only have one dream that occurs from time to time, usually when stress is starting to build up, but not quite to the point where I need to be spanked. The fact that it keeps repeating (with some variations), points to a real concern that I have.
The basic dream is that I am being spanked to relieve stress and either 1) The spanking is long and hard, but I cannot get into subspace, so my wife just stops and tells me just to deal with it. or 2) My wife is spanking me, but not hard. I am pleading for her to spank harder, but she just tells me that she decides how hard I am going to be spanked.
My fear is that the spankings will stop being effective and I won't have an adequate way of dealing with stress.
Very interesting. I am pretty sure I would never ask her to spank harder, whether in my dreams or in real life!
DeleteI don’t have any dreams of my own to share this week, but I find your dreams fascinating, Dan. I think Freud would have a field day with your dream about the office spanking. Getting spanked by a male office manager, overheard by all your colleagues, with the approval of your father and of your wife who is “dismissive” of your pleas that she rescue you from that humiliation. Wow! Out of curiosity, was that dream nightmarish or arousing or both?
ReplyDeleteMy husband has told me some FLR related dreams. When he was growing up he used to have vivid dreams about suddenly finding himself naked in public places and being laughed at by fully clothed girls and women that he knew from school or church. I figure those dream revealed his innate sexual submissiveness, since the fully clothed women and girls were in a position of power over him. He still has a major CFNM kink.
He also told me a dream he once had after we were well into our FLR. In that dream I was giving him a noisy spanking in our bedroom and he suddenly became aware that we had a houseful of guests, including family members and friends and acquaintances from various periods of his life. He didn’t know how he would be able to face all those people after that, but he didn’t have to because he woke up.
He says he has also had a dream about me going on a date with a guy I used to date in high school. He had met the guy at a school reunion, and I had told him quite a bit about the guy when we shared stories about our teenage “crushes”. In real life I never “went all the way” with that guy, but Wayne knew I kind of regretted that. That was the source of the raw material for the dream. In the dream Wayne feared that the guy would have sex with me and brag about it, but that he would also be outed as a spanked husband because I would tell the guy why I had so much power over my husband. That dream became the basis of a cuckold fantasy that we like to play with.
Danielle
Like my initial interest in DD itself, it was both dreadful and arousing. It obviously is a dream that had a lot of power for me, since it happened a few months ago and yet I still remember it clearly. There are two elements that stick out. First, the fear of the humiliation to come; not from being spanked but from everyone knowing. I recall being intensely concerned that everyone was going to hear me getting spanked. Second, my wife essentially dismissing me with a cold glance, telling me to go take my punishment. I can't quite articulate it, other than "dismissive." There wasn't the slightest concern or hesitation. I deserved to spanked, it was going to happen, and she didn't have the slightest interest in hearing my explanations or excuses.
DeleteAnother thing that was sort of interesting is that it was our office manager who was to spank me. In real life, he is a very non-threatening guy. I have no idea why my psyche would pick him as the enforcer.
DeleteDan, I figure dream interpretation always needs to be taken with a grain of salt, but it can be fun, so I’m going to take a stab at it. You appealed to your wife to save you from punishment because being spanked by another man and at work for all to hear is so much more embarrassing than the spousal DD you signed on for. Her dismissive attitude seems to show extraordinary strictness. She doesn’t care how embarrassing the circumstances of this spanking are; she figures that if you deserve a spanking, you should get it, even if you will have a red face at work for a month. I don’t know whether your psyche is telling you she really is that strict or that deep down you wish she would be that strict. As to why your psyche would select your non-threatening office manager as the spanker, maybe that’s because he is the most humbling choice for you. He’s not the kind of alpha male you would expect to best you in a power struggle, but here he is paddling your bottom for all your colleagues and your wife to hear. I know my husband has fantasies about being spanked by another man in front of me. That fantasy seems to be far more erotically shaming for him than being spanked by me. Is that perhaps part of the dream’s dynamic?
DeleteDanielle
Hi Danielle. I totally agree that dream interpretation is a tough business. Sometimes they are just totally irrational and, probably, meaningless; just neurons randomly firing. But, thank you for giving it a shot!
Delete"I don’t know whether your psyche is telling you she really is that strict or that deep down you wish she would be that strict." I think it is really the latter. She is not that strict yet, and particularly where public displays of authority or letting others into our DD lifestyle is concerned, I probably am more open to that than she is right now. But, I think that my psyche wants (or thinks it wants) her to move more firmly in the direction of both strictness and open shows of authority.
I'll have to think more about your interpretation on the office manager. Something along those lines had occurred to me, but it doesn't "feel" right for some reason. I've also wondered whether it might be tied up in the fact that he and I get along well (not exactly friends, but good acquaintances), so him delivering the spanking brings a certain "nothing personal, just business" efficiency to the whole thing, and sometimes I do feel an attraction to "normalizing" corporal punishment in that ways, so it's more casual and just business. But, that doesn't sound quite right either. From a humbling perspective, there definitely are one or two others in the office who I think I would find way more humbling to get paddled by.
Dan, my mother was really into dreams and dream interpretation. I always kind of resisted her tendency to read too much into dreams. That's why I said dream interpretations need to be taken with a grain of salt. And yet here I find myself suggesting interpretations to other people's dreams, yours and Elizabeth's. Maybe I'm more like my mother than I thought. Much of the stuff in our dreams could be "just neurons firing randomly." Incidentally, that sounds exactly like something my husband would say on this topic. :-)
DeleteDanielle
I have heard several theories on dreams and the one I think makes the most sense is that during the dream phase of sleep, neurons begin randomly firing impulses through our synapses.....like a disorganized hodgepodge geared towards a sort of flushing out of the system. But, since our brains hate anything random, a portion of our consciousness attempts to take this mess and string it into something somewhat cohesive using fresh memories, current thoughts, old patterns, and essentially anything in our noggins that is readily available. (Especially since this all has to happen in milliseconds.) The weird result is a dream.
DeletePut simply: it's our brain taking out the garbage at the end of the day so it can start fresh. (Evidence to support this is the result of sleep deprivation: we don't just get tired.....we go crazy.)
So trying to take this mess and attempt to derive meaning from it is like reading tea leaves: fun......but ultimately absurd.
Danielle: (Off-topic, but.......thank you for your comment on last week's post about my stuff. To answer your question, just click my name/avatar and you should get links to the blog and website. You'd be a welcome addition to the mix. Dan and Merry post there regularly. Nice to hear that your husband has some of my stuff already saved, Maybe a trip to the website will provide him with a lot more to enjoy?)
DeleteDanielle, mine mother was kind of into dreams too, but hers had an eerie way coming true. She sometimes seems to have an odd little "psychic twinkle." Your husband and I do seem to share a few tendencies. No doubt why our asses are often red!
DeleteKD: I've heard that one too. Certainly some of mine are much more random than others. I've come to think it's a mistake to think in binary terms like "awake" and "dreaming." There seem to me to be a lot of shades of unconsciousness, so why should we be surprised that memories, thoughts and patterns end up extending from our consciousness to our dream state? And, I do find a lot of patterns in mine, and I do think that some dreams take the shape of symbols and metaphors. For instance, there is a car I had as a kid that makes repeated appearances in my dreams, and I've noticed that it always appears when I am stressed to the gills. I think in my subconscious, that car that was my escape vehicle in high school serves the same purpose in my dreams. Weirdly a few years ago my mother told me she has dreams about that same car. Weird how this topic of dreams keeps circling back to mothers!
A few months ago, after reading a book on lucid dreaming, I started keeping a dream log. I used to say that I didn't dream that often about people I know, but after a few months of keeping the log, I found that I was totally wrong about that. The same people kept popping up over and over, and they were all people who at some point I had been close to, but always in a complicated way with a lot of nuance and a fair degree of negativity associated with aspects of the relationship. It's a little depressing. One would think that 40 years after problematic events or relationships your mind would be able to just get the fuck over it!
Dan:Perhaps I should clarify. When I am saying there is no "meaning" to dreams, I suppose I should say no "prophetic meaning"......hence the tea leaves analogy. If you take "meaning" to say there's a connection between our dreams and sometimes relevant personal issues, then I would agree.....and that would be consistent with our minds pulling such issues into the otherwise random mess of impulses. I can certainly agree with a statement like: "you probably dreamed of your mother last night because you were looking for her old tea set all day." Or, "that accountability issue has been on your mind so no wonder you had a dream about it."
DeleteOk, Dan, this is Elizabeth and I will try my amateur dream interpretation. I think your subconscious is giving you "permission" to cry during a spanking, which you have never been able to do.
DeleteNote that you DO cry in your dream spanking from the office manager. And that two primary authority figures, your wife and your father, think this punishment is totally appropriate. In fact, your Dad says it will take you to the next level - and that is a good thing.
In addition, you do not fear the spanker, the nonthreatening office manager. He is not MAKING you cry. Instead, you are allowing yourself to cry, maybe by fully feeling the embarrassment you imagine if the whole office were to hear you.
Frank has cried, and it endears him to me. How can I stay irritated with the tearful boy begging my forgiveness?
Try it sometime.
Elizabeth
Hi Elizabeth. Believe me, I have tried. So far, no luck. Just can't get over that emotional barrier. Note that while I do cry in the dream, my observation of that is removed entirely from the scene. I hear it, but don't experience or even see it.
DeleteI’m curious about the issue of crying as discussed by Dan and Elizabeth. Dan, when you say you don’t cry, do you mean you take all your spankings with dry eyes, gritted teeth, and Stoic silence?
DeleteElizabeth, when you say you make Frank cry, do you mean cry in the sense of tears and sniffles, or cry in the sense of breaking down and sobbing?
For my part, I wouldn’t want my husband to be Stoic about the spankings I give him. I would see that as a manifestation of stubborn male pride that was preventing him from surrendering completely to my authority. I like that the “Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!” elicited by the paddle or hairbrush. I like that his pain is revealed by his body language. And at the end of the spanking, I figure he should be teary-eyed, shamefaced, and apologetic.
On the other hand, I never reduce him to sobs with a spanking. That’s not because I find crying unmanly. It’s because I have a sense that the punishment should fit the crime, and I don’t see the types of things I spank Wayne for as requiring the kind of extreme punishment that would make him break down to the point of sobbing.
Danielle
Frank has a tendency to feel sad while I am comforting him after a spanking. He apologizes for disappointing me, and sometimes will shed tears, usually silently. I believe he is expressing vulnerability revealed by the paddle. I forgive him and tell him he took his punishment well, and sometimes that elicits MORE tears. Of relief and of intimacy, I venture. I feel that, too, and sometimes cry as well. We both feel incredibly close to each other.
DeleteElizabeth
Dry eyes - yes. Gritted teeth - yes. Stoic silence - no. I will generally yelp with each hard swat. But so far no tears.
DeleteThis is Elizabeth's Frank. Before we started DD, I had a recurring dream in which I was being spanked by virtually every woman I knew - my mother and grandmother, every woman I ever dated, female teachers and school administrators, nurses, and of course my wife. They were having a party taking turns putting me over their knees, laughing and making fun of me. I was extremely embarrassed but also incredibly aroused, and would awaken with an erection and a tingling in my behind as if I really had been spanked. Sometimes I would masturbate before the dream faded.
ReplyDeleteIt was basically the same dream each time, though I would get it from different women in the group. I had this dream many times, sometimes monthly.
After we started real DD, the dream stopped recurring. I almost miss it, but of course the real thing is so much better.
Hi Frank. I used to think it was odd that I don't dream more about being spanked when it is such a big part of my life, but I think the pattern you depict probably reflects something about the nature of dreams -- we tend to dream about things that are desires, frustrations or fears, and NOT so much about things in our lives that are working well.
DeleteThis is Elizabeth. It's very early in the morning right now, and I just woke from a vivid dream involving DD, so how appropriate!
ReplyDeleteI never used to have erotic dreams before DD, but my sexual assertiveness has increased them.
Thanks to Dan's link, we recently received a new paddle from Carved Wooden Spoons. It is very well made, solid wood and 3/4 inch thick, and it packs quite a wallop, as Frank learned Friday night.
I had the very nice carver from Maine drill a hole in the handle, and he added a leather loop for hanging. He also engraves for free, so I had him label it the "Cheese Board" in quote marks, for those who understand double entendres.
Saturday morning, with a few bruises quite evident, Frank added a hook inside one of our kitchen cabinets, and that is where the Cheese Board now resides. When we have company we often wind up in our large kitchen, with friends who often help out, so we both know that the Cheese Board will be seen and remarked upon.
This is really our first foray into even hinting at our DD to anyone. Maybe we are emboldened by this blog and our recent conversation with my sister and her husband. Or at least maybe I am.
So tonight I dreamt that my long-gone mother was still alive and we were cooking in my kitchen. She opened the cupboard and remarked, "Oh, what's this?" I did not reply. She took it out and hefted it - like a paddle, not a cheese board. She turned it over and ran her fingers along the writing. "A cheese board," she said. "I didn't know you and Frank even liked cheese that much." "We don't," I replied. Then we both laughed merrily. And suddenly I was much younger and she was using the Cheese Board on me! I was over her knee, being spanked in the kitchen much as actually happened a few times in my childhood, and I was wriggling around but she wasn't hitting me hard. It was more playful. And she was reciting the nursery rhyme: "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children she didn't know what to do, she gave them some broth without any bread, and spanked them all soundly and put them to bed." Then we both laughed merrily again ... and I wasn't over her knee any more. We were back in my kitchen and she said to me seriously, "Frank is a good boy." And then she laughed and said, "Cheese board, cheese board, cheese board!" And I woke up! So I guess my mom gets it. I miss her so!
That's great, Elizabeth! It sounds like the dream was very positive for you. I hope so and am glad if this blog helped bring it about!
DeleteJoe2 here,
DeleteMy "cheese board" arrived this week as well. I chose the walnut one. It is extremely well made: nicely crafted with no sharp edges and the finish enhances the wood grain. It has a nice heft to it and is of good size. The only enhancement made is to wrap the handle in elastic athletic tape; thus, making it more comfortable to be held. The tape is applied immediately before use and removed right after.
The paddle was used on me this Thursday and it speaks with authority. It is resting on top of the refrigerator.
Thank you.
Elizabeth- I love that you spoke/communicated w the carver in Maine about your "Cheese Board"....did he ever make a joke or comment that gave you the impression he knew what you were actually going to be using it for? Wonder if he has a secret Spanko side as well....after all, come on, look at some of those "spatulas"
DeleteI included a message with my order, to which he did not reply. I thought he might when I said that I wanted the hole in the handle so I could hang it in the kitchen for easy access and use. But he probably gets a lot of orders that are even more blatant. I can't imagine he sells many of those paddles to actually cut cheese.
DeleteElizabeth
LOL...exactly.....and I doubt the sole impetus behind introducing the french Crepe Spatula, under the "new items" section was to keep up with the crepe craze that's sweeping the country....hmmmm let's see what else might this description work for????..."...This French crepe style spatula has been handcrafted for your cooking enjoyment. The spatula measures 13-1/2 inches in long with 1/2 thick round handle, and a 1-1/2 inch wide blade. Handcrafted from domestic hardwood...."
DeleteWhat a wonderfully affirming dream, Elizabeth! What stronger sign that you are on the right track could you get than the approval of your long deceased mother in a dream? The playful spanking from her and the shared laughter of the two of you as women understanding that even a "good boy" like Frank needs loving discipline. That is so lovely. It seems that your dream is also working on a question that I have been thinking about consciously lately: how public do I want to make the disciplinary relationship with my husband? Is it something MY mother would have approved of?
ReplyDeleteDanielle
Another thought about your dream occurs to me, Elizabeth. In your dream you were both your mother’s little girl, having the “Cheese Board” used on your own bottom, and an adult speaking to your mother woman to woman. I noticed in some of your previous posts that you don’t like to feel “maternal” in your dealings with Frank. I think you mentioned you don’t like to spank him over your knee for that reason, or to deal out non-spanking “punishments” that would make you feel like you were Frank’s mother. Is it possible that your dream was giving you permission to be a bit “maternal” with Frank? Notice that your mother called Frank a “good boy”. Personally, I think that we wives who spank our husbands are all, on some level, dealing with the boy inside the man. Also, did you notice that in Frank’s dream, all the different women, including his mother, who spanked him took him over their knees as they would a naughty little boy? Maybe the dream is telling you that it wouldn’t be so bad to take Frank over your knee once in a while. I don’t usually spank my husband that way, but every once in a while I like to do it. Something to think about.
DeleteDanielle
While only Elizabeth can say if that resonates with her, it seems like a really compelling interpretation.
DeleteThanks, Danielle, for the fascinating interpretation.
DeleteI generally don't put much stock in dreams, at least to the point where one would change my thinking about a primary aspect of my marriage. But I will do some thinking on this and ask Frank what he thinks about our DD being more maternal. I do know that he would like to be over my knee more and the couch less. But is that just to lessen the "impact"? Lol
Elizabeth
Elizabeth, I think Frank’s desire to experience an OTK spanking from you is much deeper than a wish to lessen the impact. According to his own testimony, the spankings he always dreamed about were OTK spankings, so there is some deep psychological symbolism in that position for him. My preferred position for spanking Wayne if I want to light a fire in his bum is bent over the end of the bed, but sometimes OTK feels right to me. Why not have different options for different moods. If I am spanking Wayne for some behavior that seems childish, I like to give him a good scolding while he is over my knee. I can see how the mother/child vibe might turn you off, but I find there is something deeply intimate about my husband allowing himself to be vulnerable like that. But beyond that, sometimes it just feels wonderfully sensual to spank my guy with that physical flesh to flesh contact. You can actually feel how his body responds to the spanking, and sometimes it is nice to keep in that position for a few minutes afterwards and caress his bum with my hand.
DeleteDanielle
I just think our dynamics are somewhat different. We are a bit more punishment oriented. I don't want to feel affection or arousal while punishing my husband, though I admit that sometimes happens afterwards. But not during! And I like to scold to his face, not his bum!
DeleteTo me, my dream was more about my relationship with my mom than any change in our DD.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth, I hope my amateur foray into dream interpretation didn't seem too meddlesome. I apologize if it did. You are the most qualified person to interpret your own dreams, and you know best what is right for your relationship. It is true that you and I have somewhat different ideas about spanking and DD. For me, punishment is not the only purpose of spanking, and spanking is not the only possible punishment. But I fully understand your desire not to blur the line between erotic pleasure and punishment in your use of spanking.
DeleteDanielle
No issues, Danielle. I think that's what this forum is for, to exchange ideas about DD where the wife wields the paddle. You and I are very similar in some ways and very different in others, and that's all good. It's nice to have a few wives on here, rather than it all being husbands! Paddle on, ladies!
DeleteElizabeth
I can’t stop looking at that picture of a mother spanking her son in the back seat of a car. I was once spanked just like that in the car by my mother. It was an unpleasant experience at the time, not only because it hurt the way spankings always did, but because it was in the car in a public place where I feared people might see. I recognize the expression on the boy’s face. He is looking in fear towards the window. He's worried that someone might pass by and look in. Why does a picture of something I hated back then turn me on so much now? It is a scene that has been repeated in dreams ever since.
ReplyDeleteA Lurker
Hi Lurker. It had not occurred to me that he is looking out the window and afraid of someone looking, but you are probably right. I don't think my own mother ever spanked me like that, outside of my recent dream.
DeleteI don't find myself dreaming about DD/spanking partly because I rarely have vivid dreams these days and partly because my imagination on possibilities is extensive and that I think works for me. Mrs GL in real life has very little idea what Mrs GL in my head should be doing although to be fair that is because I don't push too hard on developing our situation (mainly for fear of it stalling).
ReplyDeleteI have had my imagination drift into dreamy areas that have disturbed me a bit. It involves going back in time to when I was 12 and her and me attended a child behaviour clinic. I change history in my head by saying to her " forget all that crap they said, the most loving thing you can do is spank me regularly (she was not a spanker) from here on in for as long as I need it". My imagination then took off and I saw myself getting spanked etc for about 30 year on from that, those spankings helping me make better teenage and adult life decisions. It was also weird that it was our secret only. I started to really worry myself when I staring thinking of my mum passing over the chastisement mantle to Mrs GL!!!
If I analyse too much I think what that "retrospective dream" is doing might be an attempt to come to terms with the 30+ years as an adult I now wish I was spanked during by wishing I had been by the one consistent in my life.
Apologies if this has gone off tangent or got a little strange. Cheers Good Life Mickey.
Sorry insert mum in the second paragraph where her is. My brain and thumbs operate at different speeds LOL
DeleteThat fantasy makes sense to me. At the time, I thought it was OK being raised like a wildling with very few rules. But, I think it set me up for problems down the line, leaving me kind of chronically stressed out and with less of an ability to impose boundaries on myself even when I should. I get wishing/fantasizing that discipline had come 30 years earlier.
DeleteMickey, if you don't mind me asking, why do you find that fantasy disturbing?
DeleteWhen my husband and I agreed to try FLR, we also decided to become more open about sharing our sexual fantasies, mine as well as his, so I find fantasies interesting.
Danielle
I think any retrospective imagination involving your mum is going to skate close to the wind and cause questioning. Cheers Good Life Mickey
Delete"Skate close to the wind"? Interesting expression. I haven't heard it before.
DeleteMickey, considering the abundance of images of naughty boys having their bottoms smacked by strict mothers, I would say your fantasies about getting spanked by your mom are pretty common among men with spanking kinks. My husband is fascinated with such images too. I don't think that fascination means that men are thinking about their mothers in incestuous ways. I believe mother/son spanking images reveal an eroticization of an authoritarian, maternal ideal of the feminine.
Danielle
WOW....the conversation started out pretty hot last week! Danielle, you had me wanting to ask how much bigger the "new friend" was that needed to be well lubed given size and brought you to your first orgasm that way!!!! SO awesome. Seeing where you 2 have gotten in your relationship is so amazing.
ReplyDeleteIn my (recent) dream it starts w me in the kitchen w wife and a couple which is one of our oldest , closest friends so it was normal they'd be in our kitchen. I end up making a bad joke/comment at wife's expense. In real life my wife doesn't get stern or "angry" she's a very calm person....so it really catches me off guard when she just bursts out "GET UP STAIRS .....NOW!!!!" pointing to the door. I'm blown away but also confused and conflicted. All I can think is what the hell is she doing saying something like that in front of them??!!! what are they going to think.... and then the second phase of my thought process was....and how can i obey a COMMAND from her like that in front of them...what will they think about me and what goes on in our relationship then.... but she continues arm outstretched and pointing..."did you hear me? you get up to your room ...this minute!!! GO"....her tone overroad any attempt of my mind to process what was happening in the moment so reflexively i did as she instructed and turned and walked to our room...even in the dream it wasn't lost on me the way she said "your room" like you would a child. I'm then sitting on our bed but i can hear the muffled conversation going on below me in the kitchen.....what struck me was that they were all just having a conversation.....there was no laughing or surprise or conversation about what they had just witnessed.....i heard her saying to them "his behavior is just getting WORSE...i'm at my whit's end....i don't even know what to do w him".....but then our 2 friends just casually both answer her and have a conversation telling her of course she knows what she needs to do....." it is shocking me my buddy is part of this conversation talking about this so naturally....then it jumps out at me that the wife makes a comment along the lines of "well it's not completely his fault if you allow him to keep acting like that when you both know it's not ok" .....then i can hear the conversation moving from the kitchen to the front hall where the staircase is up to our room .....and then .....I woke up......
Your friends' overheard conversation with your wife seems to be very similar in tone to the work party from my dream. It was like everyone knew what was going to happen, and why it should, and it was just very casual and businesslike.
DeleteI am quite businesslike on Friday nights - as businesslike as I can be in front of a naked man with an erection! He kneels in front of me; I am standing with the paddle in hand. He reads an infraction from his journal. I ask him to clarify the number of swats. I may do a bit of scolding for repeat offenses, and impose additional. We agree. I write the number down in my log. We go to the next infraction, from his diary or my log. When we are done I check the total and tell him so he can prepare himself emotionally, though they will be given in separate sets for each infraction. Then I tell him to assume the position, and he bends over the couch. I do give encouragement and cajole while administering the punishment, in much the same way a teacher or boss would inspire the completion of a difficult task. But I show little emotion, even if I might be feeling it.
DeleteI feel I must maintain this distance, both for his benefit and mine. This is tough love and I am administering pain that can be quite severe, and for me it must be somewhat clinical or I would not be able to carry it out.
Afterwards we sit on the couch and emotion may emerge from both of us. Businesslike gives way to intimacy. We both have cried on occasion. We touch. Sometimes I put salve on his bottom. He apologizes softly. I forgive him softly. Then on many occasions he dresses and takes me to our favorite restaurant. Often we both are famished! Often when we get home I sit on the very same couch he was bent over and he services me, thanking me as he does so. The process feels complete to us both. Then we go to bed and snuggle.
I know this isn't about a dream, but the word businesslike set me off.
Elizabeth
Elizabeth- That's PERFECT. He's a very very lucky man.
DeleteThank you, Darren. Yes, I think Wayne and I are doing well, and I like that we have been able to give a positive spin to a medical issue that is harmful to the sex lives of some couples of our age.
DeleteAs to your question, naughty boy, let’s just say the “new friend” was big, especially in girth. To be honest, I would not have picked it myself. Wayne picked it because of his SPH kink, and he wanted one that would make his fairly average sized penis look small. The quick orgasm that first time was probably due in part to the naughty feeling of being penetrated by a cock (even though fake) that felt so different from my husband’s.
My favorite dildo now isn’t terribly big. It is made of glass, and it is stylized, so it looks more like an art object than an actual penis. I find it much prettier than realistic looking ones. I also like the smooth feeling of glass compared to the rubbery material of most dildos. It is perfectly round, but it has little protruding studs around the shaft, and it feels wonderful when my husband combines a gentle thrusting motion with a rotation that massages me with the studs. (Sometimes art can improve on nature).
Darren, I really like your dream. I’ve been inching closer and closer to some such public display of my authority over my husband. I read your dream to my husband last night, and he found it hot too. But that would probably be too embarrassing for him in real life. Also, there would be an ethical problem of involving other people in your kink, right? You couldn’t do that in front of just anyone. In your case, I wonder whether your dream of being shamed that way in front of your closest friends represents a fear or a desire?
Danielle
Wow, Elizabeth, you really ARE “businesslike” in your method of meeting out punishment. I guess I am much more spontaneous. I’m impressed by the formality and the almost bureaucratic organization of your Friday sessions.
DeleteI don’t spank at any fixed intervals, and I don’t require Wayne to report infractions to me. I can see how a man might like your system. He knows in advance when he’s going to get it, so he can prepare himself, and he knows that he is going to get some sort of spanking every week. I guess there must be some weeks when he hasn’t been especially naughty, but it sounds like you punish small infractions much more harshly than I would.
I spank Wayne whenever I feel I need to, but it less frequent than weekly. The reason for a spanking could be that he has done something to annoy me, he has been lax in his chores, he has been showing some “attitude” (e.g. being argumentative), or simply that I want to remind him who is the boss. Sometimes I do it purely for the sake of erotic intimacy.
Given the harshness of the paddlings you give Frank, I can see why you might want to be “clinical” about it, to detach yourself from your natural empathy for your husband. Empathy probably enters into my decisions about how much is enough. I read my husband’s body language and take into account his verbal expressions of regret and promises to try to do better.
Danielle
The system Elizabeth describes is similar to something we did when we first started DD. Because it was new to both of us, I thought she might be tentative about giving me something that was really effective punishment, so we came up with a system of designating certain offenses, and assigning a number of swats to each offense. At that point time, spankings were almost always with a fraternity-style paddle. We would tally them up each week, and she could choose to give more but not less. For the first few weeks, the number was usually fairly tolerable, sometimes as low as 6 and seldom more than 20. Thus, I still remember when I had a very bad week, and the sinking feeling in my stomach when the tally was 65! I still recall voicing to her that I wasn't sure I could take that many, and with no hesitation she told me that I *would* be taking that many, and that if I wanted to get fewer swats then I should behave better. That was one of those "turning point" moments when I knew she really was taking to DD and it wasn't just something she was doing to accommodate me. And today, 65 would be a nice warm up.
Delete65 whacks would just be a warm up!? You must have a really tough hide.
DeleteI guess I would probably be too much of a softie for guys like you or Frank.
Danielle
OK....I'm not sure what to thank you for first, the fantastic answer about your toys.....or for calling me "naughty boy"....LOL
DeleteWell that's the beauty of "dream state".... in the dream the conversation they started having in kitchen flowed so naturally so everyone was clearly like minded about it......and huh, guess that then is implying that they too as a couple then are very comfortable w the husband being spanked??? So there was no concern over "how will they react"..... we'd never (well never say never right) have it be "public" but i have to say i've come to notice spanking actually does come up more in real life than you'd think. so while i wouldn't impose or pop it on friends but if somehow it was ever figured out that everyone is good w it (how do you do that?) hell YES having real life friends who also share this would be amazing!!!!!!!
Wait a sec...sorry.....lol.....I wasn't reading your comment correctly at first (damn the blog has my attention this week (in a couple ways lol)...i keep checking back lol)..... you were saying going public in terms of you doing something like that in front of them....to that i have to say...YES, do it! you're clearly a normal, sane, self aware person....lol....so it's not like you'd go over the top.....and you'd also have a good sense of what couples it would be better than others to do it in front of... so w/ that said...YES go for it. i bet in reality most couples might notice it but at the end of the day maybe talk about it on the way home and that's the extent of them caring
DeleteDreams? Let's get in the mood first:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clZNwja8M3A
Ok now that everyone is properly uncomfortable, let me just say that for e I could only wish for the kinds of dreams you folks described. Mine are more like:(skip/fast forward to 4:30 for the pertinent part)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59zwvnghu-g
I wake Rosa frequently with my nightmare screams. I wish I had sexy spanking dreams, but mine are often way more disturbing. The only sexy dreams I do sometimes have are random seduction dreams that always end with the first kiss.
Like Dan, I would 'think' spanking would play a bigger part in my dreams, but nope. I would love to invite you all into my head for one of my screamers though! LOL
Have you ever considered that perhaps you have nightmares because you watch too much Adams Family? ;-)
DeleteSeriously, I too have a lot of night terrors, usually involving dreams of being in a confined place or being in a dark room and not being able to find my way out. Also, when I was younger many involving snakes. Wouldn't Freud love that?
Nah. I tend to think of myself as a member of that family, so it can't be that. ;-)
DeleteAnd nightmares about snakes?! What's nightmarish about snakes? I love my "girls". Nothing scary about them.....and they're far less trouble than dogs, much quieter, eat less, don't slobber, shed in one neat inverted tube of skin, and don't have that disgusting 'dog smell'. You furry pet people just don't fully appreciate scales. ;-)
Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Absolutely hate snakes, whether when dreaming or fully awake.
DeleteHi Dan,
ReplyDeleteI have no spanking or DD dreams to report erotic or otherwise. Since I have my share of dreams, many erotic this absence makes me wonder if spanking to me represents mostly non erotic impulses such as the desire for accountability, the need to submit to a higher power or just plain guilt. Of course it could also be that the omnipresence of spanking and threats of spanking in everyday life may diminish any tendency to express it in dreams. I would like however to give a shout out to Danielle for her apparent skill at interpreting and inferring dream meanings. In my misspent youth I spent enough time studying dream analysis to become dangerous and she has a talent for conjuring up very plausible dream interpretations. The field is subjective and squishy and lacks anything close to consensus even on the meaning of common dream symbols. But she offers some solid insights and if I ever have a spanking dream, erotic or otherwise I hope she is around to interpret it.
Alan
That makes sense to me. My own experience is a little different, as I don't have many erotic dreams either, whether spanking or something else.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteDeleted comment for mistakenly posting it to the wrong thread. I re-posted it above.
DeleteI think that all the dreams spoken about here today say the same thing. When we know we have stepped over the line either at work or at home, we deep down want to be able to erase the bad feelings our behavior has caused and like when we were children, when we did wrong we were spanked, given corner time or some form of time out. After our parent or teacher would then invite us back and we vow then to do better.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that as an adult being spanked has an erotic aspect, to my mind makes it easier for me to say "Sorry I will try harder to not disappoint."
It 's ok!!!!
Anna's peter
Peter, that's possible, though in my dream of being spanked at the office, I definitely was not in the mood to pay a price for my misdeeds or erase bad feelings. I clearly thought the whole thing was terribly unfair. But, that may have just been the surface of the dream.
DeleteAt least that is what you might say but at the same time you are aroused by the choice being taken from you. Just a thought!
Deletewith love
anna
That is probably true. Having choices taken away is definitely a perverse attraction to me.
DeleteDanielle here:
ReplyDeleteI had a dream the night before last. It’s kind of off the topic of dreams about DD, but it is a dream relating the FLR I have with my husband. I also think it demonstrates something about some dreams. I have noticed that when I am thinking about something, the thought process sometimes carries through into dreams. This dream is like that.
In writing about my relationship with Wayne last week, I mentioned that a kink we sometimes incorporate into our “playtime” is SPH (small penis humiliation, or in Wayne’s case perhaps “soft PH”). I was worried about sharing that here for two reasons. First, I thought I might look like an incredible bitch to admit that SPH amuses and kind of turns me on. Also, it is a really embarrassing kink for Wayne because it is so emasculating, and I don’t want people to think of Wayne as “unmanly” because to me he is still manly in important ways. So I’ve been a bit preoccupied about that, and last night SPH entered my dreams. It was a sort of lucid dream in that I was somewhat aware that I was dreaming during the dream.
In the dream I was a judge in a penis size competition that Wayne was competing in. The dream took place in an inside court in a shopping mall. There must have been 20 men in the competition, and they all had wives or girlfriends who were standing around watching, and other women gathered around as the competition proceeded. My job was to go from contestant to contestant, and each would pull down his pants so I could measure the length and girth of his erection with a tailor’s tape measure. In real life I would have found this up close contact with the penises of random men very off-putting, but because I was aware I was dreaming, I found it hilarious. The women watching all found the proceedings funny too, so there was lots of giggling and commenting and exaggerated oooh’s and aaaah’s. Some of the men with smallish penises were visibly embarrassed, and sometimes I had to use my fingers to coax them to full erection to get measurements. Women would be giggling and cracking jokes of the type, “Maybe he’s good with his tongue” or “He might have lots of money.” I sensed that these guys had been forced into the competition by wives or girlfriends who wanted to see them humbled. Other guys were proud as peacocks, and as their large erections sprung out of their pants women would cheer and do mock wolf-whistles like men at a wet t-shirt contest.
Strangely, Wayne was in this competition even though I had not forced him to be. Even stranger, I sensed that he wasn’t in it for the humiliation but because he really hoped to win. He was one of the guys whose penis evoked giggles and jokes from the women watching, and he came close to last place. What made his humiliation even worse was that he argued with me about his poor standing, complaining that I had done the measurement wrong. He seemed seriously upset, but I found his reaction funny and couldn’t stop laughing about it, which made him more argumentative. I provoked even more laughter among the other women by scolding him for being a poor sport and pointing out that no tape measure was needed to see that he was not a winner in this competition. At that point I woke up, amused and looking forward to telling this dream to Wayne.
I apologize if this is too off-topic in a DD blog or not as amusing to others as it is to me.
Danielle, I don't think I have your gift for dream interpretation, so I will just say it is great that your dominant nature seems to come to the fore in your dreams as well, and that in your dreams you surround yourself by other confident, perhaps even aggressive, women. It is intriguing that in real life Wayne seems to want to highlight his perceived inadequacy on the penis size front (though I doubt there are many men out there who are satisfied with the size of their own equipment), but in the dream he is apparently quite proud of his equipment to the point of defending it against the objective evidence supplied by the tape measure.
DeleteBTW, has he tried any supplements for the ED problem? I don't think any of the natural supplements are a real substitute for Viagra and other prescriptions, but supplementing with L-Arginine can definitely help. Another supplement that definitely helps is Yohimbine, but it can have side effects for some men. Of course, so does Viagra.
Danielle- I think you sharing those intimate details is so AWESOME. It’s so cool that you have taken something that can be a painful episode in a long term marriage even though it’s perfectly natural, (let's face it at a certain age it's natural and common at least at times, otherwise Viagra wouldn't be a multi billion dollar drug) and turned it into a very hot new dynamic between the 2 of you.
DeleteElements of your sexual dynamic is a great illustration of the same fundamental principles at play just in the sexual aspect of our lives. In a DD/FLR relationship the bottom line is we need and appreciate her being in charge to make sure we do or behave the way we both know and agree we should . Sexually, guys are guys, we’re wired to think about our own sexual gratification. But as good husbands we should be thinking about providing her sexual gratification, getting HER off. So her calling that to our attention and then MAKING us do just that is frankly hot for both. My opinion is don’t do anything to mess with his ED…it’s working great for both of you….Wayne is having as much fun (if not more) being made to service you orally as well as help out w the new friends of yours. LOL... we all know guys are more focused on “size” than woman, so it was pretty hot hearing you found out that size actually can matter. Granted I was feeling a bit naughty when I asked how much bigger did it take for you to experience that new pleasure the extra size provided????
Oh and you no doubt are already aware…..Wayne isn’t alone getting turned on by the degrading, or humiliating talk of his “inadequateness” , it’s apparently a “thing”….lol….a fetish that’s thriving in it’s own right.
Dan, I agree that the “aggressive” women are a curious feature of my dream. It isn’t realistic, is it? I think maybe I feel a bit guilty that it turns me on to humiliate my husband by mocking his manhood instead of nurturing his ego, even in play. I suspect that many other women would judge me harshly for it, unlike the women in my dream who joined unanimously in the slightly sadistic merriment. Maybe a dream world in which it’s okay for women to behave like that has an element of wish fulfillment? Not sure.
DeleteWayne has tried the various pharmaceutical treatments for ED. I don’t think he has much faith in supplements. But Darren has put his finger on the way I have come to feel about it. Maybe I would feel a need to find a solution for Wayne’s “problem” if I we were younger, but I like the kind of sex with have now. It feels empowering to marginalize my husband’s penis in our sex play. And, to be honest, I think it’s a relief to him to. He didn’t go from having rock hard erections one day to ED the next. It was a gradual process, and with the aid of Viagra or Cialis he was able to get somewhat functional erections for while. But eventually it would take so much penile stimulation to make him hard enough for penetration that he would be on the verge of cumming before he even got it in. And then he would be embarrassed and apologetic, and I would feel that I had to tell him that it was good for me so as to shore up his ego. I don’t think he had very good orgasms from loose, squishy intercourse either. I can see that he has far better orgasms when I give him a hand job after building his arousal with SPH and allowing him to pleasure me. Maybe I should coin a new expression. Instead of saying, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” I could say, “If it works better broke, don’t fix it.” ;-)
Danielle
Yeah, some things do kind of work better when broken.
Delete>>>>>>>"Yeah, some things do kind of work better when broken."<<<<<<
DeleteEggs for one. And I suppose broken records indicate improved performance as well.
Or, perhaps the will of an obstinate husband like myself.
DeleteYour dream of a workplace spanking makes me think of a dream I have had several times now. My boss at work is a woman. I don’t find her sexually attractive at all. She is about 10 years older than me and significantly overweight. I don’t mean to criticize her weight, but she’s just not my type. In real life my relationship with her is friendly and professional. The job reviews she has given me have always been positive.
ReplyDeleteIn this dream, however, I have been summoned to her office and I have to sit down and wait for her to finish a meeting with someone else. I have a feeling that I am in trouble, and I already feel embarrassed because I have to wait in the presence of the secretary, and I sense that she knows I am in trouble. When I am shown into my boss’s office, she looks displeased and very stern. She tells me off for some error I have made that is costly for the company. What the error was is vague, but I feel ashamed and frightened because I know she is right. She then says that she has no choice but to spank me. I am shocked and embarrassed, but also relieved that is going to spank me instead of firing me. When she unfastens and pulls down my pants and underwear, I am embarrassed to have an erection, but she seems not even to notice. She then pulls me over her lap. Because of her weight, I feel quite small as I dangle across her thighs. She spanks me with her bare hand, which feels very large on my buttocks. I realize that she has left her office door ajar when I hear the phone on the secretary’s desk ring. The secretary must be hearing everything, and if she just rolled her chair back from her desk she would be able to look in. That’s as far as the dream ever goes.
When I wake up I am extremely aroused. That’s weird since I am not attracted to my boss, but I have an overwhelming need to masturbate. I am divorced, so I’m in bed alone and masturbation isn’t a problem.
Gord
Hello Gord. That is definitely interesting, and I wonder whether our minds gravitate toward people like your boss and my office manager who we are not attracted to, or threatened by, because there is something business-like and non-sexual about it. It seems more like real discipline if sexual attraction is taken out of it.
DeleteIt is true that it is more businesslike if sexual attraction is taken out of it. In my dream my boss seems very businesslike in some ways. She seems not even to notice that I have an erection when she takes my pants down. But spanking me over her knee with her bare hand isn't very businesslike. And its strange that I was aroused both in the dream and when I woke up.
DeleteGord
My bosses are husband and wife, and a reality for me is that the lady boss has occasionally sent a text to my wife to spank me for something I did at work. The two women have also talked about it together on the phone, so that cat is out of the bag.
DeleteI'm not attracted to my lady boss at all, but I've had fantasies about my wife spanking me while my boss listens on the phone, or is visiting in person.
Danielle,
ReplyDelete“I’ve been inching closer and closer to some such public display of my authority over my husband.” Your comment quoted above seems to express a common desire that develops among women who take up the paddle –and a fantasy among many males who become intimately acquainted with that paddle. But real public displays beyond symbolic or innocuous ones are not practical yet and may be dangerous. But spanking or disciplining him privately in front of a trusted friend (sisters seem best) does work. Both of my disciplinary relationships have include the experience and it was intoxicating especially for my wife. The actual experience actually deflated the fantasy for me quite a bit but as discipline it was and still is very powerful. It’s not something that has to be done often to make an impression (once a year or less) She only needs to threaten spanking me with her sister present and I straighten up fast. It sounds like you have Wayne under pretty tight control so you might not need this option. But if a public display is your objective this seems to do it and safely as long as the friend is trusted
Alan
Thanks for the advice, Alan. I think you are probably right. Unfortunately, I don’t have a sister. My best friend is the only person who knows I spank my husband. I have considered involving her, but the suggestion would have to come from her rather than me. Wayne has a sister with whom I get along quite well, and for some reason the idea of outing Wayne to his sister appeals to me. But I will proceed carefully. Maybe someday she will ask, “What’s with all the hairbrushes in this house?” And then I will say, “Do you really want to know?” And she will say, “Yes.” And I will say, “Well,…” LOL
DeleteDanielle
And that might work. Just be careful with the family intra-dynamics on his side of the family. At least one popular female blogger has recounted a unexpected outcome when his sister was involved ( It turned out his sister had spanked him earlier and her husband had some very conflicted emotions about it all.) I know my wife's side of the family knowing she is boss and a couple knowing corporal punishment is administered is something I can deal with. But not sure I want my own family involved. I realize as a disciplined husband such things are her decision ( and yours with Wayne) but the emotional consequences are important to consider.
DeleteAlan
"I’ve been inching closer and closer to some such public display of my authority over my husband. But that would probably be too embarrassing for him in real life. Also, there would be an ethical problem of involving other people in your kink, right?" I do think there are issues with subjecting other people to your kink, but maybe there are things that you can do that are somewhat innocuous yet send a message? Order for him at dinner. You pay the check. Tell him to refill your drink at a party, and do it in a way that is an order, not a request.
DeleteWe have not gone very far down that road, as of yet. And, I recognize it could be one of those "be careful what you wish for" things.
Within the family, there have been a couple of occasions when my wife has made a cryptic reference to spanking me. One Christmas morning, we had extended family over and I made some semi-snotty comment in response to something she asked me to do. She replied, "Well, you can do it or I can just spank you." Some family members were definitely within earshot. If they overheard, I *think* they would think it was a joke, but you never know . . . Our kids definitely get something has changed in the last few years and that she makes more decisions. As far as I know, they don't know about the corporal punishment aspect of the relationship, though there is no way to know for sure. I will not be surprised if, at some point, my wife tells one or more of the kids.
Dan,
DeleteAs I have commented earlier , a reveal n this direction can be a slippery slope. However I don't see any ethical issue if the "witness" indicated an interest and or intent to know more or observe. This may be a future topic but I have been surprised across both my relationships the number of women who have expressed an interest in knowing more and or seeing more. This doesn't necessarily indicate a desire to become a disciplinarian or even more than curiosity, although my sister in law d finitely would like to persuade her reluctant husband to try a DD relationship ( while having zero interest in spanking me)
Alan
Alan, I agree on the ethical point, but I think what Danielle was referring to was involuntary witnesses. Like being spanked in a store or outdoors where people might see. It is a common fantasy, but you do have to ask whether it is right to expose others to your kinky activities just because you want to.
DeleteYou are correct, Dan. I was referring to involuntary witnesses. I would include as involuntary witnesses not only strangers who might see if people acted on their fantasies of spankings in public places, but also friends or family members who might be embarrassed by getting "too much information". I'm attracted to the idea of outing the DD aspect of our FLR, but it would have to be done carefully. Alan, I don't agree entirely that outing our DD would simply be up to me, with no say for my husband. I would want Wayne's consent for a big step like that.
DeleteSpanking my husband in front of witnesses, even if the witnesses simply overheard it from another part of the house, would require the witnesses' consent, in my opinion. However, I am undecided whether simply revealing the extent of my disciplinary authority over my husband to family and friends would be problematic.
Danielle
Tomy will confirm that the Disciplinary Wives Club used to sell window stickers that said "DWC Spoken Here." For by the front door. Then when people ask what it means, you could tell the truth or say it was a secret, I guess. Not something I would do, but ...
DeleteFrank
Dear All, anyone who wants to experience a "public" spanking could certainly consider attending a spanking party or just visiting a local professional. Both of those offer a very safe and confidential environment, and the spanking can be "real" or just fantasy. Graham
ReplyDeleteGood point, though I have a hard time envisioning my wife ever agreeing to that.
DeletePossible future poll: In an ideal world, which disciplinarian would you prefer, Mrs. Elizabeth or Mrs. Danielle?
ReplyDeleteAlthough I must admit that for me, at the moment, it's a tough call.
Ben
OMG PLEASE DON'T PUT ME IN THAT POSITION.... to have to choose I mean hehe!!!! LOL...LOL.... E & D I know I don't speak for myself being grateful that you have joined us here and for all your great sharing and input. You're such a fantastic addition to the group!!!!
DeleteI meant to include ALL the wives (Anna et all too!!!!) All of us looooong term husband participants and lurkers.....(wow this week certainly pulled me off the sidelines for better or worse) have been glad seeing the wives start to contribute. Having comment from "the other side of the paddle" makes the conversation far more interesting and relevant.
DeletePerfect poll idea! However, if it was a forum topic it would likely degenerate into yet another discussion about which way is "right" or "best." But it is so very interesting hearing how different wives here (current and former contributors) approach the whole thing, so it would actually be a really great topic if we could somehow all restrain ourselves a bit and avoid attacking each other.
Delete-ZM
I doubt Dan would go for a poll setting Danielle against me, and I am sure Danielle wouldn't appreciate it either. You boys are naughty!
DeleteWhat might be interesting is: what percent of your primary relationship is DD (Elizabeth) and what percent is FLR (Danielle), with examples.
For instance, when Frank and I began, I would say we were 99% DD: he decided what he would be spanked for, he decided when to report his transgressions, he even suggested the number of swats and the implement!
Now I would say we are about 75-25 DD/FLR. I have the final authority on all of the above items, and I get oral sex a hundred times to his one. Thursday night he came home and I greeted him like a 50s wife (kiss on the cheek, nicely dressed, beer in hand, clean house), and he said he was going to change out of his work clothes and I said, "Why don't you not put anything on and do a little naked vacuuming for me? I did everything else but saved the living room for you." And he replied "Yes, Ma'am," and a bulge started to grow in his pants.
So FLR has definitely grown in our relationship, and maybe will continue to!
It isn't one or the other. For many of us it's a mix. That to me is an interesting topic.
Elizabeth
I agree 100% with Elizabeth! We may do things a bit differently, but on this we see eye to eye. You are very naughty boys!
DeleteThe discussion of DD/FLR as a mix would be interesting.
Danielle
It would be a choice between DD and FLR. That's a clear choice to me.
ReplyDeleteFrank
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteFor the last few weeks, I have ran out of week without even getting around to commenting, though I did find the religion discussion last week quite interesting. ;-)
I am going to chime in on last weeks topic too, since I missed out. Hopefully that is ok. As I have indicated before, our sex life is pretty amazing as far as “regular” things go. I don’t know what is normal, because I never talk to anyone about it, but I am in my early 50’s and she is in her 40’s, and seldom does a day pass that we don’t make love, except when she is on her period. Also, generally oral (for both of us) happens almost every time as well.
Since spanking has been part of our relationship almost from the beginning, I can’t say with any degree of certainty exactly how our sex life has changed from it, but I can sure speculate! I don’t think it is necessarily particular to spanking, but the fact that I openly shared such a huge fantasy of mine early on in the relationship has fostered an openness and freedom like I have never known before. Several people commented on porn last week, and while I have never been a fan of regular porn, spanking porn has always been a turn-on to me. However, now instead of hiding it, like I did in my previous marriage, when I see an interesting picture, I save it. From time to time, she asks me if I have any new pictures and she looks at them with me and we talk about them. What a HUGE difference. I can also say that because of this, I have much less of a problem with wasting time looking at porn than before. I still look some, but now it isn’t something hidden, and the desire is at least somewhat manageable. In the end, she has engaged me on my deepest level and speaks to my deepest fantasies, making us so very strong as a couple!
Regarding dreams, I have little insight to offer, because I almost never have anything involving spanking or domination in my dreams. I thought that was strange, but then I also very seldom have the most important people in my life in my dreams, so I am not sure why that is or how dreams work. What I can say is that in my first marriage, I wanted this DD badly and it was all I could think about, but it almost never appeared in any dreams. In my current marriage, I am totally fulfilled with regards to DD, but I still think about it a lot, and still it doesn’t show up in my dreams.
Interestingly enough, I had been meaning to write all week, and just last night I had a dream where I was told by my wife that I was going to be punished, because I had somehow managed to let our toddler wander off in a dangerous place. We don’t have a toddler (the thought of going through that again qualifies as a nightmare!), and I didn’t recognize the place, so I don’t think it really had anything to do with anything. But maybe just thinking about why I don’t have spanking dreams somehow triggered a very rare dream?
-ZM
ZM, you wrote:
Delete>>>>Several people commented on porn last week, and while I have never been a fan of regular porn, spanking porn has always been a turn-on to me. However, now instead of hiding it, like I did in my previous marriage, when I see an interesting picture, I save it. From time to time, she asks me if I have any new pictures and she looks at them with me and we talk about them.<<<<<
I think that is a very good strategy to manage porn use as a couple. I like to talk to my husband about the images and stories he finds erotic, and I share some of my fantasies with him.
Danielle
Dream interpretation holds that people in our dreams who we don't recognize are usually aspects of ourselves. So the toddler is your inner child who you are neglecting and your wife is warning you to take care of him or suffer the consequences!
ReplyDeleteA husband
Joe2 here,
ReplyDeleteI think dreams are the way our brains catalog things (feelings, knowledge, experience, etc...). So like KD said there is a lot of "taking out the trash," but more. They have done a plethora of studies and found that it is better to study, sleep and review before a test than sleep, study and review. There have been periods for me where sleep was not an option and I found that my short term memory went into the toilet. There was one time where I had to stay up for over 70 hours. By hour 50, I could pull up my files, recite what I knew, but I could not keep my train of thought. By hour 70, my sentences had to be kept short. I got about four hours sleep and while I was not back up to speed, I was no longer incompetent. Oh yes, some studies have shown that you can train yourself to stay awake longer, but the time for sleep also has to increase.
One good development of this week's topic, is that it caused me to really think about my dreams and address them. As I stated earlier (2d post on this thread), my dreams caused me to think that I was concerned that spankings would not be effective, but in the alternative it was a concern that my wife would someday stop spanking me or not spank me hard enough to be effective. As stated in earlier threads, my wife would be very happy to stop spanking me. So this week I talked to my wife about my dreams and we discussed both possible reasons for my dreams. My wife reaffirmed that she would be happy to stop, but the spankings are very effective and the positive were many times over the negative. When I asked for particulars (to ensure that I understood from her perspective), she started listing not only the direct (reduction of stress, so more effective at work and at home) but also the secondary and tertiary effects (higher level of communication, more patient, better listener, and more tolerant of the children's foibles.). What I thought would be a 10-15 minute conversation, turned into about an hour of real learning and exploring.
So thank you for this week's topic.
Joe2 here again,
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention a key point. My wife also has learned to be more tolerant. She is a "bright lines" person, but because of my needs she has realized that sometimes lines need to be erased and redrawn and sometimes there is no instruction manual.
Unrelated to the topic - but pix#2 is a perfect illustration of the way N and L deal(t) with my - occasional ! - reckless driving... Sometimes on a side road (and once on an isolated hilltop), but often enough along a road where we may be observed!
ReplyDeleteL.
I consciously work at trying to neutralize my judgements regarding women's body types. In fact I have for many years developed myself to see mainly the inner quality of people rather than staying focused on their appearance. But I'd be a lying rat if I said eye candy doesn't still attract me.
ReplyDeleteHaving said all that, I'll come to the point regarding your dream with the "significantly overweight" boss. My build is more on the slight side and I have been spanked across the lap of large women. I find it quite appealing and at least in my experience that had plenty of strength to restrain me in place so I really felt that naughty little boy experience.