The Club - Meeting 293 - Implements & Methods

“We shape our tools and afterwards our tools shape us.” - Marshall McLuhan

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships.  I hope you had a good week. 

Mine was kind of a wild ride.  Lots of travel.  Lots of downtime on planes, yet a lot of work accomplished, too.  I went into it with some pretty lofty behavioral goals and, unfortunately, I can’t say I met them.  Though, for once, things seemed to get better by the end of the week, with some real progress on some of the possible causes of the physical ailment I was dealing with. 

We had a pretty good discussion last week.  Thanks to Elizabeth and Frank for sharing the story of their disciplinary discussion with their brother-in-law and Elizabeth’s sister.  It sounds like it was not as embarrassing or demoralizing as Frank feared.  Perhaps a lesson for all of us in the possibility that our fears of the consequences of being more open are overblown?   

Also, a welcome to Danielle, another disciplinary wife, who left some comments near week-end, including some illuminating ones on the freedom inherent in “bitchiness.”

Now, on to this week’s topic.  Elizabeth suggested that I ask, “Which implement is most effective for you at changing behavior? Is it because it is the most painful, or are there other reasons? On the other hand, which implement is the least effective and why? And is there an implement you find particularly erotic?”

Tools are important. No doubt about that.  And, you certainly have to choose the right tool for the job.  I do believe that some of tools can be very effective, while some of those we associate most closely with Domestic Discipline are -- less so. 

I also believe, however, that the best spanking tool may fail to bring about real change if it isn't used diligently and consistently.  And, a "weak" tool can be effective if applied with enough effort and will. 

So, we will use Elizabeth's topic, though I want to expand it a little to include not just implements, but other DD practices and tools.  If the goal is to really change behavior, which implement or DD practice do you find most effective, and why?  Is it a particular implement, or some non-spanking tool such as lecturing, corner time, loss of privileges, etc.?

I will kick things off.  On the tool front, I really don’t know whether there is one that is more effective in bringing about actual change.  In fact, I don’t think there is, because I have  become convinced over time that changing behavior is, for me at least, more about consistency and duration.  I need the punishment for bad behavior to be certain and unavoidable, and the effectiveness of the spanking is more about how long it lasts than about the implement used.   

But, in terms of effectiveness, some tools will fool you.  We recently acquired an actual used DWC leather strap with holes, so short that it is almost like a paddle.  I used to think that leather paddles were too light to be effective, but something about this one really, really hurts.  It also tends to curl over my cheek and into the crack, which is excruciatingly painful.  

 Conversely, some tools we have dropped entirely because they are too extreme and actually defeated the disciplinary purpose. They either did too much damage or would cause me to go into “take it like a man mode,” because the pain was just too much to give in to.  Top of that category are heavy rubber straps.  

As for the most effective?  As I said above, I think duration is at least as important as the level of pain induced.  While a wooden paddle or bath brush can be incredibly painful, they also tend to numb my bottom fairly quickly.  Therefore, if I were forced to choose which tool has the most effective combination of severity and ability to go for a long time without damage or numbing, it is a heavy leather strap.

Least effective?  Ironically, it is probably the one I also find the most erotic – the hairbrush. But, one other tool that scores very high on eroticism but can also be quite effective is the  leather belt.  Of course, not all belts are created equal.  An effective one needs to be heavy, like leather “gun belts” for sportsmen and hunters. They are designed to bear the weight of sidearm.  I bought one about a year ago, and it can be very painful.  It also is one of the few tools that can be packed in a suitcase without risking unwanted snickers from TSA agents.  Belts are very erotic for me, though I also tend to think of them in terms of M/m spanking, probably because they were the implement of choice for most father's when I was growing up. Though, they were certainly wielded by some of the strict mothers as well.

But, if the issue is effectiveness in bringing about real behavioral change, I have come to conclude it isn’t a physical implement at all.  It is a combination of stern attitude and consistency.  The sternness and strictness can manifest in a lot of ways that do not have anything to do with spanking.  If she issues a blunt reprimand, that is effective.  Even more so was the time she made me apologize for bad workplace behavior to someone I really didn’t like.  Embarrassing me and humbling me in such ways—taking command, verbal strictness, using punishments that fit the crime—those seem to be much more effective at bringing about real behavioral change than the hardest spanking.

Alan also gave us a great example last week; one that includes both spanking and non-spanking elements.  Namely, a witness seeing him get spanked.  According to Alan, the prospect of being spanked in front of a witness, such as his wife's sister, is one the biggest deterrents to bad behavior.  Of course, it sounds like in his case a witnessed spanking is usually also a post-orgasm spanking, so one can understand the overall deterrent effect!

Similarly, Elizabeth requiring a conversation with Frank and his in-laws probably was a powerful tool for voicing her displeasure at the way he had been addressing her sister.

So, while behavior modification is only one goal of Domestic Discipline, which do you find most effective, least effective and most or least erotic?

Have a great week.