A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares. ~ Elbert Hubbard
Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum - Disciplined Husbands and Disciplinary Wives. Our weekly gathering of men and women participating in, or interested in participating in, Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.
I hope you all had a good week. Mine was pretty damn unproductive. I find this happens almost every time after I've had a really intense period at work. Ideally, I would be able to bring things back to a happy medium. But, it never seems to work that way. Instead, the pendulum always swings in the opposite direction, and I end up just basically screwing around and getting little accomplished. Which is really the worst of all possible worlds, because I am getting little to nothing accomplished, yet still going in to work every day instead of taking time off. I also had one of those dinners with a few male friends that degenerated into several more drinks than intended, leaving me mentally and physically exhausted by the end of the week. That could and, honestly, should result in one or more very painful spankings this weekend.
That was an interesting exchange last week. As I said in response to one of the comments, I was surprised at the number of women, and some of the men, who saw a pre-spanking erection as a sign of disrespect. As Sunny so colorfully put it, "I am getting ready to give this guy the spanking of his life and he gets a hard on." I can definitely understand that perspective and want to let the idea percolate a bit before deciding what if anything to try to do about it, since I don't think of that reaction indicating lack of respect when it happens to me, but I do understand why some would see it that way.
In terms of what might be done about it, Marisa and Peter and others alluded to the husband being required to "take care of" the erection before the spanking starts, also heard referred to as "milking." In short, imposing a pre-spanking orgasm to remove that erotic or sexual edge prior to the disciplinary event.
He relieves himself, then she gets down to business.
Or perhaps she lends a hand, particularly if a pre-spanking erection didn't go away after the first few swats.
This is one of those topics for which I am going to have to rely on all of you heavily, because this is an activity we have not engaged in (yet), and for the moment I am pretty glad about that. Though I do recognize that this might be one of those things where the rubber really meets the road in terms of showing just how much I am up to walking my talk about making a disciplinary punishment "real." Because I have no doubt that being completely relieved of the erotic or sexual tension and energy that may be bound up in the desire for DD leaves only pure punishment. Also, it's just the nature of an orgasm to leave you feeling lazy and content -- about the last thing you would want after that is a long, hard spanking. And, of course, that is kind of the whole point of doing it that way. I also do wonder whether removing all that energy would make it easier for me to get to real tears, which is something that I do have this morbid obsession with achieving but have just never been able to get there. For those reasons, I have thought about asking her to consider requiring it for super-serious offenses, but I haven't quite been able to bring myself to do it.
What do you all think about this? Is it something you have done? Is it, in fact, much more effective? For those of you who have not, is it something you think should happen to make the discipline more "real"?
I would also like to use this post to request something of any Wives who might be interested. The topical format of this blog really does get constraining at times, and I would love to work in a little more variety. I also think it is very important for wives who are either considering entering into a disciplinary relationship or just dipping their toes in one to have role models. It would be great to be able to post some content from the wives telling your own stories in your own words about how you came to be a Disciplinary Wife, what it has done for your marriage and/or for you and your husband's growth and development, any areas where you would like to see it further develop, etc. Basically an open microphone for you tell everyone more about you and your relationship. I tried this a while back and got submissions from Anna and Merry, but that was about it. Our circle of Disciplinary Wives has expanded a bit since then, so maybe this is a good time to give it another shot. If you are interested, there are a couple of options. First, you can just enter it as a comment here and I will re-post it later as a stand-alone posting. If it gets too long, just break it up into multiple comments. Alternatively, my Profile link includes an email address. Just send it to me by email and I will post it to the blog.
Finally, if you are new to our Forum, please take a minute to stop by the Guestbook (tab above) and tell us a little about yourself and your DD or FLR relationship.
Dan
For us the answer is no and I have not done that. Dev says that when she gives a disciplinary spanking that is punishment enough , but after reading this she may consider it someday. ?
ReplyDeleteGiven the intensity that I suspect comes along with it, hopefully not for your sake!
DeleteI've never worried about giving a pre-spanking orgasm to anyone, whether or not there was an erection involved. It's not something that I'm interested in dealing with. It was briefly discussed in the past, but I'm a bit lazy when it comes to that. As for me, as long as I get my post-spanking orgasm (tribute) I'm happy.
ReplyDeleteI would also be interested in reading more from the other women here.
Thanks, Merry. Definitely hope to hear from more of the wives too. At this point, I'm not even sure how many women we have as visitors. My guess is, not nearly enough
DeleteSome spankos are a little submissive some are deep into submission. Knowing she is going to spank you brings out that submission and that can cause an erection. My wife sees my erection as a sign of my submission to her and after a few good spanks it's gone. She has never told me to masturbate prior to spanking and I hope she doesn't.
ReplyDeletearchedone
Good point that it might indicate the presence of respect, not it's lack.
DeleteMy wife has given me a surprise spanking right after we had sex.
ReplyDeleteFrank
Hi Frank. Wow. Now, there is a nasty surprise!
DeleteDan
ReplyDeleteI think I agree with Marisa's take on the whole thing of erections. Either way Peter will be spanked. It makes no difference to me. To stand naked, erect or not, and accept the punishment I mete out is to me
is an act of submission. Perhaps it is easier for a man to think of it as an erotic moment rather than his
cry for attention. More and more I see it as the cry of a little boy, longing for the time and place when deeds were punished and after a Mother would embrace and forgive.
Anna
Hi Anna. I hope you and Peter are doing great. I don't think the forgiveness thing is a big driver for me personally, but I think the accountability and rules that are sometimes associated with that little boy phase of life are. Now, I want them not because I miss or think back on them fondly, but because I didn't really have them. I've wondered how many men who crave discipline started out in chaotic environments and, as a result, now feel a need for an environment in which rules are imposed and there are actual consequences for bad behavior.
DeleteI've stayed away from that "little boy" imagery in my talks with my wife about DD, because I could see it being a turn-off for some, but she recently alluded to it herself, and in a positive way. So, where you and she are concerned I guess great minds really do think alike!
Dan
DeleteYou are right about little boy label. I recall my older brother being called the man of the house when my dad who drank a lot left us.He was 7 when dad left. Aunts and uncles would tell him to take care of my sister s and i as well as my mom. Later he told me how impotent it made him feel. We had no rules and I know it is why i so insist on rules at our home for our boys.
It's easy for me to see that connection, through I know it seems counter-intuitive. Teenagers especially think it would be really cool growing up without rules or consequences. But, it doesn't really work that way. The absence of rules and imposed consequences means you always have more than enough rope to hang yourself, and there is never anything other than your own willpower to rein you in. The result is a background level of stress and anxiety that is a lot for someone that age to handle. At least that's the way it was for me, You feel like you are in charge of everything but in control of nothing, It has take me a long time to figure out that one reason I react so powerfully to DD, but not to spanking in general, is that DD is about boundaries and accountability and consequences, while spanking may or may not involve those things.
DeleteSpanking and sexual feelings are inextricably linked for me ( and I assume most men with this interest). I get aroused reading spanking stories or viewing spanking videos ( of reasonable & believable quality). I get aroused thinking about my own punishments either before or after. My wife understands and uses this interest to control and improve me. I need to be sexually charged ( ie no recent release) for the magic of pain/pleasure to work. I would have no interest in a lifestyle that required me to submit to a spanking immediately after release. That would just be pain with no magic. Equally I am not allowed to masturbate - ever - and on the rare occasions that I do I have to confess at our next session. I really do not want or understand the concept of release then punishment. TB
ReplyDeleteThanks, TB. For most men, that's probably true. Last time I did a poll on this, a large majority reported an interest in spanking at a very young age. For me, the energy -- erotic or otherwise -- is really linked to the disciplinary aspect, not the spanking per se. Erotic spankings don't hold much interest for me.
DeleteI have always thought erotic spanking as a sort of foreplay, which never happens in our house ( and to be fair neither of us ever wanted). I am nervous but excited when I see the signs that she has had enough of whatever behaviour we have agreed to control. Because I think it is difficult to remember how very painful the heavy strap or bath rush are. It is erotic being ordered to strip, to be scolded, to be so submissive. But once the beating starts it's all about trying to control the pain, trying to retain some dignity and trying to get through the first couple of minutes until the slight numbness sets in or she tires. Once the spanking starts I want nothing more than for it to stop. But if she stops too soon I know that my switches have not been reset or my slate is not clean. She will not make love to me after even though I often desperately want to - she says she does not want to link punishment with reward. I then have to work hard to convince her that I am truly sorry for the next hours, sometimes days. It is clear that we use our different motivations in our disciplinary relationship to create a happy balance. TB
DeleteI pointed out your request for more input from wives to mine. She considered it, looked for the email address you said was in your profile, and didn't find one.
ReplyDeleteWell, looks like you're right. I apparently took it down during our last troll infestation and forgot about it. It should be back up now.
DeleteMy wife doesn't require me to ejaculate in advance, but that doesn't change the fact that what she delivers with her hairbrush, cane, or paddle is excruciatingly painful. Once she begins the strokes, I experience no erotic feelings whatsoever. It's punishment all the way. To us, prior orgasm would constitute excessive cruelty. What my wife does now, believe me, is already plenty cruel! Even though I regularly deserve cruelty, we never seek to ramp things up to the level of brutality. It seems like it's possible that a couple could keep adding extra pain producers until it isn't just the husband's ass that's broken, but his spirit, too. My wife and I have agreed together that we both benefit from my submitting to regular domestic discipline, but I'm also still a human being!
ReplyDeleteHi GeorgiaFella. As I said above, it's hard for me to comment on how much it adds to the severity, as I've not experienced. I will say, I have something of a "lead butt," combined with a very hard head. So, ramping things up to ensure I really get the message might be in order some time. I have talked in other posts about wanting to be "broken," though a fair number of people took issue with that term. I don't see it as breaking my spirit, so much as my will, or a least my willfulness.
DeleteDan
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that as long as Anna and I agree and find this what we want and what works for us, does it really matter the details. Like so much of married life it is growing thing. To me the adventure of growth and discovery for us both is the adventure.
Peter
ps Your last comment about being broken I get what you mean. Does it not mean breaking through the barriers self imposed mostly and being a giving open partner.
Hey Peter, I agree the details don't matter as between you and Anna, but to the extent the two of you are willing to share both where you are and how you got there, it may help newbie couples avoid mistakes, inspire them to try other things, etc. So, I hope you do keep sharing the details so all can benefit from your experience.
ReplyDeleteOn being broken, I agree that it would entail breaking through barriers and also resistance and set patterns and plain old stubbornness.
Dan
DeleteI know both Anna and I agree and are always open to sharing how we got here. It was a long journey. I recall when I was a boy I had an aunt who was always there to encourage the kids in
our family. Her favorite saying to us was " Say yes first! You can always say no later ". I do know that at least consider before you back away from any idea especially with your partner. I also think to be as totally honest and open as you are capable of being at the moment. Being open takes time. Change can be good. Now I shall step off my soapbox!
Peter
I like your Aunt's philosophy, though I have to say man, a hell of a lot of my spankings resulted from me being pretty quick to say "yes" to all sorts of things where "no" might have been more appropriate. :-)
DeleteI agree on openness, and you're right, it takes time and is hard. I'm still not even close to good at it, despite getting up on MY soapbox at least once a week. Take care my friend!
Dan
DeleteOften we are closer than we imagine!
peter
Joe2 here. I believe that the same chemicals that your body generates post coital are the same drugs that your body generates when harshly spanked. I base this upon an experiment that I did upon myself. Yes, one example caused me to conclude this. It is good that I am not a scientist; otherwise I would have to do multiple experiments.
ReplyDeleteRelieving stress is the objective, but I'm a guy, so I have to do stupid stuff. The objective is to go into sub-space as fast and as deep as I can get. Since sleep deprivation, stress and pain get me deep into sub-space, it only made sense to increase the pain- yes, I am not too bright. Knowing that my wife does not want me to link sex with spanking and not being too stupid; I founded a period where I was under moderate stress, no sleep deprivation and I ejaculated about an hour before my wife spanked me. When my wife spanked me I got to the point where I was not shrieking in pain, but I did not go into sub-space. After about 10-15 minutes my wife asked me what was going on. I explained my "experiment." Unlike my expectation, she did not get disgusted. Rather, she asked me how it worked. It went poorly. I did not go into sup-space, nor did I did I need aftercare. Most importantly, my stress only unwound about two rotations- sort of like throwing a glass of water on a kitchen fire.
Two days later, I really needed to be spanked. My wife did what she needed to do and I dropped really fast. My wife spent a long time in aftercare (hugging me, caressing my body and saying words or encouragement). I slept many hours and woke up ready to take on the world.
I do not need to replicate failure. I will never ejaculate prior to a spanking- if I have a vote.
OBTW, for me aftercare is extremely important. I could spend a page of words, but the bottom line is that is where I know that my wife loves me.
Two days later, I realy needed
Joe2, great stuff. Really interesting observations
DeleteJoe2
ReplyDeleteThanks for mentioning aftercare. To me the intimacy i feel with Anna after is worth it all!
peter
My Wife always spanks without an orgasm for me first. I think She likes making little jokes about my hardon (which does disappear after a few minutes), and knowing She has made the obvious physical change in me. Of course, sometimes She will reach around and grab it to "check" on Her progress, too.
ReplyDeleteI would hate to have erupted before a spanking session, so am lucky. But sometimes standing facing the wall, with the erection back as She tells me my chores....well, that is both deserved and humiliating. And help me if I ever leave a couple precum dots by the corner of the room! Sam
Dan, As, you have broached a very interest topic. Thank you for always doing that.
ReplyDeleteMistress K. used to asked me why I had an erection prior to getting what I knew was going to be a hard spanking. AS first I didn't know and we continued to talk about it. I came to the conclusion that the reason for the erection is the intense joy that comes from the knowledge that my Wife loves me enough to do this for me. To assume the position of the Dominant in our marriage and to punish me when I deserve (or even only if she just "wants" to). The erection is ALL about the intense amount of love and respect I have for this woman at this particular moment. We refer to them as love boners in our marriage.
I never enjoy my spankings, but I do truly cherish the fact that my Mistress requires that I receive them. When Mistress K. is really, really not happy and really, really wants for my punishment to be, well, awful, I am summoned into the room, ordered to strip naked, kneel before my paddle wielding Mistress and masturbate to full and complete orgasm (no ruined orgasms). Then Mistress K. will administer an especially painful paddling, to which there is ZERO sexual desire associated with it, including the deep sub space kind. Mistress K. will only utilize such a punishment as a last resort or for an especially egregious infraction on my part. After my ouchy paddling, I'm also then usually required to put on my cock cage for a day, or two, or four or .... whatever she decides.