Monday, August 11, 2025

Spanked as a Result of Peer Pressure and Carelessness (Meeting 524)

“Carelessness is inexcusable, and merits the inevitable sequence.” - James Anthony Froude

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a good week (or two). Mine’s been busy, and a little annoying.  For the second time in two weeks, an unforeseen mechanical problem put an abrupt end to a planned motorcycle trip.

 

Though, truth be told, I was starting to feel like I was packing a few too many things into a compressed end-of-summer schedule.  But, many of my summer adventures have included friends made through our common hobbies since my retirement.  They say there can be “friendship drought” for middle-aged men, especially after retirement.  It felt like that a bit for the first year or two, though I’ve developed an unanticipated network of new friends since then.  Although as an introvert it sometimes seems easier to dodge social engagements, including trips with others, I have been reminded this year that you get out of relationships what you put into them.

 

 

That sentiment is in-line with something ZM observed about last week’s undirected (by me) interactions:

 

“All it takes for there to be good discussion is for people to show up and comment on what others have already written. Naturally, Dan replies to almost every comment (which is certainly appreciated, especially considering that it is quite time-consuming to do so) and that in itself keeps the blog quite lively. But I think it is a bit unfair that we look to Dan to create a long, well thought out blog post every week, since that is quite a chore. Rather, as long as anyone contributes almost anything at all, and if others reply, it can turn out being a very dynamic conversation.

I don’t worry much about any “unfairness” as, in the end, I write the blog mainly as an outlet for my own creative needs.  I don’t have many other creative talents in my life, but I do like writing, and I like exploring this thing we do.  And, I like “talking” to others about it. 

 

So, when TB alluded to the prospect that I might stop blogging and the blog would end absent my appointment of a successor, I responded that I don’t see that happening.  Since I started blogging on this subject, I’ve seen several DD and spanking blogs come and go, and I’ve seen more than a few of them come back after their authors had declared they were finished for good.  For that reason, I don’t see any chance that I would issue some definitive “It’s been fun, but I’m done” message anytime soon; it’s too likely I’d go back on the decision, so why announce it in the first place?

 

As I said in response to TB, if the blog were to suddenly stop, it’s far more  likely it would be because Blogger took it down, which has happened to more than a few DD blogs.

 

In terms of his reference to a possible successor, I haven’t thought about it a lot, in part because I’m not sure any of the longer-term commenters who I could see in that role have the time or interest. Oftentimes, even if the interest is there, the timing may not work. It wasn’t until after she had passed that I learned “Aunt Kay” had talked to her husband, “Jerry”, about me being her choice of successor. But, at the time I was drowning in work, and my total lack of technical skills made it impossible for me to get the website up and going again. And, honestly, I’m not sure any man could really step into the unique role Aunt Kay filled.

 

Anyway . . .

 

I didn’t have a discreet topic in mind for this post.  Instead, I’ll jump around with some thoughts on last week’s discussion and also relate some personal DD and FLR anecdotes that have been on my mind.  If something resonates with you, please jump in.

 

First, thanks to those who weighed in on the Tumblr audio series I linked to, entitled The Spanking Mom Next Door.  It was the perfect example of how much the quality of this blog, and my interest in it, hinges on participation.  For a number of reasons, I was at a low ebb where DD interest was concerned, right up until I logged in and found a series of thoughtful comments from ZM regarding that audio series.  It’s also a testament to how much readers bring to any fictional work, as I’m sure that the discussion back and forth with ZM plumbed depths that the author of the series may have never intended. In fact, if the whole thing is AI-generated, then it may not make sense to talk about author’s intention at all and, instead, reader reaction is literally all there is. 

 

One of ZM’s observations in particular matched my own experiences:

 

When talking about the aftereffects of a spanking, the story also mentioned somewhat the post spanking dynamic that many of us have talked about here, where for the days after being spanked we find ourselves quite calm and contrite or almost submissive, while our wives tend to continue to subtly show their authority. I know that I find myself almost in awe at my wife’s ability to bring me to heel, as well as her much better self-control that makes up for some of my lack of self-control in some areas.

 

I think her starting to use her authority to address things that matter to her is also basically inevitable. Once your wife realizes the power she has to effect change, expect that sooner or later she is going to start using it!

 

That last paragraph is consistent with where things seem to be going with us lately, though it has been a work in progress. In the past, I’ve always been puzzled by how little connection there was between the things that mattered to Anne and what she actually spanked for. Often, she seemed least inclined to spank for the things that seemed to irritate or anger her the most.

 

At least with respect to being verbally strict and stern, that seems to be changing. A couple of days ago, when we were with a weekend guest, I made a comment that Anne considered snarky and disrespectful.  Later that morning, a text arrived from her stating in no uncertain terms what the consequence would be if it happened again.

 

Then, today she got angry because I threw out some product boxes that were taking up a bunch of storage space. In the process, I seem to have thrown out a charging cable and operating instructions.  To some extent, she was mad about those things being tossed out but, in reality, it was probably more about her long-simmering anger at me throwing out things without asking her.  Although in this case I hadn't argued with a specific order or instruction from her, one could argue that throwing out the boxes was a form of generalized resistance to her authority and disregard of her preferences.  For that reason, this captioned meme highlights, in mild form, what's probably going on in her mind with respect to me doing something I know she has a problem with.


 

My perspective is the only way anything leaves our house is if I throw it out, because Anne has some packrat tendencies.  But, in her mind, I should be consulting with her before throwing out anything that she might want.  Hence, this text received earlier this morning:

 

 

We aren’t together today, so the spanking won’t happen until tomorrow at the earliest, but the text is an example of her recent moves toward more verbal strictness.  

 

Do I feel like I should get spanked for this?  Regarding throwing stuff out, I do still feel like the boxes were taking up a bunch of room and needed to be disposed of. So, on the substance I don't feel like I was wrong.  But, it echoes ZM's observations about how we feel more contrite and appropriately submissive after an exercise of authority, even if we don't fully agree on the "why" involved in that exercise.

 

 

And, it dovetails with another issue that I've asked her to come down on harder, namely carelessness. 

 

As I said, I think the real source of her anger is that I threw away something without asking, but it makes it doubly bad that I may have carelessly thrown away something that was in the boxes, apparently because I never really looked inside them.  Several weeks ago, I was angry with myself for some other act of basic carelessness and asked whether she would amp up her strictness where that was concerned. 

 

We’ve had similar discussions about other areas needing improvement, but this time, something about that particular issue seemed to take root in her mind.  Although it didn’t lead to more frequent spankings, she did dramatically step up her game in terms of verbally chastising me for acts of carelessness that she observed. There were even times that I would mention casually some lapse of carefulness or attention, and she would immediately respond with some comment about whether I should be spanked for it.

 

Now, it is important to note that there wasn’t much forward movement on actually spanking me for those instances of ordinary carelessness, but I still think her increasing verbal assertiveness is an important step, precisely because it’s something she has struggled with in the past.  

 

Increasingly, she is much more assertive about speaking her mind when she’s angry or annoyed with me, and I think that spanking more frequently is almost certain to follow, assuming no intervening health or personal disruptions.

 

The whole carelessness thing has been nagging at me since my first aborted motorcycle adventure a few weeks ago.  It’s probably no coincidence that one of my first posts on carelessness happened about a year ago, and it related to carelessness in relation to my favorite pastime.  I noted:

 

For some reason, it’s [carelessness] shown up a lot in my hobbies and recreational activities.  The first time I recall really wanting a significant spanking for an act of carelessness was on a group motorcycle trip a couple of years ago. The trip included some tough terrain.  Unfortunately, one of my tires was significantly worn, but I didn’t notice it until it was too late to get it replaced.  I decided to risk it and, while no great disaster ensued, it did cause some significant problems and made certain parts of the trip much more dicey than they should have been. I also forgot to bring some necessary equipment, despite having an exhaustive checklist to work from.

 

This year, when I went on a similar trip, I did a better job with ensuring everything was maintained and that I had the right equipment, yet there were still some problems that occurred as a result of not maximizing some things I knew I should, in face, maximize.  There was also one fairly significant incident in which, though I didn’t initiate the carelessness, I went along with a traveling companion’s insistence on something that I knew in my gut was going to cause us a significant problem, and it did.

 

On this year’s aborted trip, the problem presented itself in a slightly different way.  I did experience a mechanical failure while on a difficult portion of a route, but it wasn’t anything I could have prevented. However, the fact that we were on that part of the route at all was as a result of me giving into the wishes of my riding companions to ignore some threatening weather conditions.  Now, the weather conditions have nothing to do with the mechanical failure that ensued.  But, I knew at the time that ignoring those conditions was a mistake and that something bad could have happened as a result of not pushing back on my companions’ risk-ignoring preferences.

 

 

I wrestled with that for a few days: I didn’t speak about someone else’s risky behavior and, instead, went along with it against my better judgment.  At first, I felt like it probably shouldn’t be “spank worthy”, since nothing bad resulted directly from it.  Yet, I also felt like that was perhaps putting too much emphasis on consequences and too little on whether I should have pushed back harder on what was, essentially, peer pressure.

 

So, that all leads me to two questions for possible discussion.

 

First, in determining whether something you do or fail to do will earn a spanking, to what extent does it depend on whether something bad happened as a result of that act or failure?  In other words, especially with respect to something like carelessness, does the consequence of getting spanked depend on whether your actions or omissions resulted in some other bad consequences? Or, is it more the act or omission itself that matters and not whether anything bad resulted from it?

 

Second, most of us who are active on the blog seem to be at a stage in life in which one might think that “peer pressure” was no longer a thing.  Yet, I know in my own life, it often still is a factor influencing my behavior.  It has been an issue when it comes to things like over-consumption of alcohol, though in fairness to my boozy friends, we tend to enable each other’s worst excesses. I can’t really hold them responsible for it.

 

 

When it comes to risky behavior on motorcycle excursions, however, as related above I have often let my companions’ risk-taking preferences take me into situations that I had big reservations about. Absent peer pressure—if only the subtle sort involved in not wanting to be seen as less skilled or more tentative than one’s more adventurous friends—I would have acted differently than I ended up doing.

 

I realize I have an out-sized need for personal accountability and that sometimes we need to treat a mistake as a mistake, and it seems reasonable to do so when nothing bad results.  Basically, “no harm, no foul.”

 

Yet, I also believe that lack of accountability on even genuine mistakes has

ripple effects. If I’m careless—or don’t show sufficient backbone in rejecting temptations—in one area, it can lead to a breakdown in self-discipline in other areas. 

 

For me personally, I feel like there need to be consequences for both the nature of the act and the result. The spanking consequences should be independent of the “real world” consequences, and sometimes otherwise consequence-free incidents of inattention or carelessness should earn a very bad spanking, particularly if a seriously negative result was foreseeable and avoided only by sheer luck.

 

Given my strong leanings toward DD with a maternal vibe, perhaps it’s inevitable that I feel like giving in to peer pressure should result in a spanking, regardless of whether something bad resulted.  In fact, although I have very few memories of getting spanked by my mother, behavior she saw as risky or trouble-making would have gotten me spanked, and it was even more likely to happen if someone else was involved.   

 

 

In fact, in that time and place it would have been fairly likely that both of us would get spanked by whichever parent witnessed the bad behavior, and a call might have been made to the other culprit’s parents.  So, perhaps that childhood experience of communal guilt and punishment still motivates me today.

 

 

What about you?  What role, if any, does peer pressure play in the things you get spanked for today?

 

Hopefully those DD-related scenarios that have been playing out in my life and rolling around in my mind will stimulate some discussion.

 

I hope you have a good week.

48 comments:

  1. Welcome back Dan.
    I really love the pic with the three guys out drinking and deciding collectively to stay for another round , even though they know their wives will be waiting at home with the hairbrush or paddle awaiting their return.
    It resonated with me as it is a situation I"ve been in many times where I know I shouldn't have another drink or stay longer but cave in to the peer pressure , as did my friends.
    It rarely hot me spanked that often, perhaps because my wife didn't really know or wasn"t there .
    The one time I do remember was when it ended up keeping us late for something she planned and I took lightly and she assured me the paddle awaited after the event.
    It's a different story if I give in to pressure and accept another drink when she is present, especiallywhen I know she wants to leave soon and has told me so.
    This has resulted in a spanking most times unless I heed her warnings and turn down the drink which is hard for me to do for some reason.
    "On a few occasions she has warned me in front of company that we'll be having a 'discussoon' later or 'enjoy your drink because you won"t be enjoying getting home!" .
    I have learned that she will follow through on these threats so am smart enough to refuse most times,but will still 'risk it's occasionally.
    Interestingly, my friend who offers me the drink gets 'that look' from his wife who is obviously displeased that he offered me a drink and will occasionally admonish him by saying something like 'didn't you hear her say they were leaving?" or words to that effect.
    She is pretty bossy but I don't know for sure if a spanking awaits him too!
    I think most men are hard wired to go with the clan without caring about the consequences at the time .....although after the fact they will regret it.
    Our Male pride prevents us from saying no.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I interpreted that pic slightly differently. I interpreted as either that they didn't know their wives woujld be waiting with hairbrush or paddle or, more likely, that they simply forgot. Not that they consciously ignored the likely consequences. That is the way it always seems to work for me. I don't consciously decide to have "just one more" or stay out late, knowing it will get me punished. Rather, after a couple of drinks, it's like those rules just vanish from my mind entirely.

      I too have got those nasty looks when I have another drink after she's indicated she wants to leave. But, for me, it's a nuanced issue. It almost always happens at annual Christmas parties thrown by one of her friends. I'm not really that close to that couple, and I'm seldom looking forward to the event. But, they are big boozers and, once I get there, I often find I'm having a good time. Then, Anne wants to leave about the time I've settled in. So, I always feel like she's dragging me there, then wants to leave just as I'm getting over my resentment at being somewhere I didn't want to be in the first place.

      I totally agree about us being hard-wired for peer pressure. My belief is we grew up in hunter-gatherer tribes that were about 100-120 people. Everyone knew each other, and the tribe's survival depended on teamwork and conforming to tribal norms. In that environment, people who didn't "go along to get along" most likely found themselves ostracized and, without the support of the tribe, dead. Therefore, the genes that got passed along were of folks who tended to go along with whatever the group wanted.

      Delete
    2. My experience is similar to Glenmore's at social gatherings I do pay attention to her serious warnings.. She uses non-verbal warnings as an “early warning system, " but when she’s telegraphing an order not to be disobeyed, she usually issues it verbally (very discreetly) but touches my arm or squeezes my hand while delivering it. I have noticed that when she omits the touching, I am more likely to run through the warning, especially late in the party. Non-verbal sometimes works, but the explicit order and the touch rarely fail. It’s like she is saying “obey me” in public, and it both gets my attention and turns me on. At a holiday family gathering, however, there is no nuance. She has administered a preventive spanking probably the same day, and I am too aware she will repeat it, if I give her cause, when we get back home ( or to the hotel). I only had to learn that lesson once and need no refresher.
      Alan
      (She does give preventive spankings before some parties, but they are not common any longer. )

      Delete
    3. Alan, I too tend to run through non-verbal warnings. Anne will sometimes pantomime a spanking motion with her hand, to get my attention. But, honestly, for some reason I don't tend to take it seriously enough. A verbal warning is almost always stronger.

      Delete
    4. Isn't interesting how you interpret the pic of the three guys so differently than me Dan and whether or not they make the decision knowing it will earn them a sore backside.I believe it has something to do with risk taking which men are more inclined to do than women and the extra round
      is worth it.
      It sounds like one of them will only get yelled at when he gets home but the guy who is willing to risk a hard spanking is the real risk taker !
      When my buddy got the look from his wife for offering me another drink he looked at me to make the decision rather than take the risk of disobeying her pushing the risk on to me.
      I don't know if he was risking a spanking but he sure was worried.

      Delete
    5. We definitely do all bring our own perspectives to some of the memes and artwork.

      It's funny that so many seem to see things like DD and FLR as radical life choices but, as you point out, it's already so prevalent for men to display some anxiety about violating their wives' wishes that it's impossible to tell whether any particular couple might or might not take it to the level of a disciplinary spanking. Basically, any spanking is just incremental to the control so many wives already have.

      Delete
  2. To be perfectly honest, I don't even _need_ peer pressure to behave spankably, my inner perpetual teenager got used to solitude when I moved 1000 km away for college, then needed basically a decade to get a new friends circle. So when it comes to stuff like getting hammered, I've passed the point where I would think twice without company before I was US legal drinking age. On top of this banalisation of vices commonly viewed as "social", my brain is kind of picky about who is it interested in impressing, and ever since I've turned thirty, I couldn't care less about declining offers. The dark part is that I don't need anyone to make me an offer. Perks of being used to solitude, I guess.

    But I'm still in the beginning of a DD situation. I am very lucky to have married a woman who forgives easily and doesn't hold grudges, at least not for long. That's great. I just don't know how to inspire her to call her own strikes on what should be a spankable offense, as well as enforcing that, so for now the setting is more like a confessional mixed with a therapy: I get punished for stuff I myself have identified as a vice I want to get rid of. I think the first time I make her call a spanking without having a backlog of unaccounted offenses from me first, may be a huge mystery beholden. *That* may be the one I'll tear up from. Would make sense, because in my mind, it feels like a situation where the spanking is finally, without doubt, on HER terms.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For a very long time, I too didn't need peer pressure to misbehave, including with respect to alcohol but on other issues as well. I was seldom one to start drinking alone, but I'd often carry on alone after getting home from a gathering. In the last year or so, however, I seem to have turned a corner. It has become very rare for me to drink alone at all.

      "banalisation of vices commonly viewed as "social"" - I like that.

      When we first started DD, it was largely about vices I myself wanted to get rid of, or at least liked to tell myself I wanted to get rid of. And, to be fair, those vices often were things that irritated her as well. But, it does represent a new phase when, in addition to those self-identified vices, she starts focusing on things that she dislikes BUT you don't really view as problems or see as minor faults. To me, that's when you've stepped over into the FLR realm a bit, as she's not only enforcing the rules but making them, and sometimes making them in a way that does not reflect your own preferences.

      Although forgiving easily and not holding grudges are the makings of a solid relationship, I think I would be better if she forgave but did not forget and held a grudge at least until the point that it had been dealt with via a hard spanking or other punishment.

      Delete
  3. Hello all,
    My wife is similar to yours in that she is a pack rat. She hates to throw things away and at least once a year, we have to weed through items to dispose of. If I know she won’t remember a particular item, I dispose of it without her knowledge. I’m more OCD and cannot stand clutter. The other thing that’s amazing to me is the amount of products that our wives have. How many shampoos and various products could a women possibly have? I definitely am like all of the above. I cave to peer pressure. I went out for a golf day with a group of guys. My wife asked what time I would be home.‘I told her 1:30 at the latest. Well the round ended early and the guys wanted some cocktails. Never to say no to some libations, I arrived home one hour late. Normally, this would not be an issue, but my wife wanted to head out with me for some husband wife time. I failed in my duties to follow through and my wife was pissed. She rarely raises her voice. Well she did and was loud about it. She called me selfish and I seem to put my friends first before her. This of course is not
    true, but I was not about to argue. DD has been non existent for sometime due to family issues. My wife felt this was the perfect time to get back on track. After a cooling down period, she told me to go outside and cut a switch off the tree. I was taken back but did not argue. She pulled out the strap and said I was to receive a serious thrashing for my actions. I did the walk of shame out and cut two switches off of our tree. By the way for the record I’m not sure where she got the idea of the switch. I peeled the leaves and buds and brought them to her. I was strapped severely and then switched on my bottom and thighs. I learned a valuable lesson about coming home on time and according to her, not lying. The thrashing went on for longer than I anticipated and it had been sometime since I had been thrashed. The next day I had quite the marked bottom and could not sit comfortably at work whatsoever. My wife asked how my bottom was the next day and I said extremely sore. She responded good, you need more of those and I’ve let too much slide recently. From now
    on if you don’t follow through on your words, I will beat you severely. I hope you understand. She hasn’t been that forward ever so I actually had goose bumps. I kissed her and apologized. I told her I understood and would expect nothing less.
    T

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "If I know she won’t remember a particular item, I dispose of it without her knowledge." That's often where my problem starts, with that same thought!

      Mine has never told me to cut a switch, and I've never experienced a real switching.

      Delete
  4. You definitely do not want to experience one. The welts the next day aren’t a pretty sight lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankfully, there aren't a lot bushes in our yard that would yield good switches.

      Delete
  5. Peer pressure is not an issue for me. We’re really not social animals so neither we nor I have a circle of friends - nor feel the need for such. Your other question though is much more interesting to me. I’ve recounted before the time when I did something stupid when driving - I like fast cars and floored it to pass someone on a ramp in a way I really shouldn’t have done. I was alone at the time and didn’t get seen by a cop, but felt bad about it so even though there were actually no consequences, I told my wife about it and got punished for it. So, yes, even if you’re lucky enough that there is no bad outcome, I think that making a bad choice to do or say something should be grounds for punishment. TG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a perfect example of the kind of scenario I was talking about. I see it as part and parcel of the "guardrails" I want from DD, and it's a little different than a punishment imposed for something that goes badly wrong. It's more about a process of learning to operate within certain boundaries, so that carelessness that puts myself or others in danger is less likely to actually happen.

      Delete
    2. Driving fast cars and motorcycles has been a passion of mine for over 60 years. Now that I am old, my priorities have changed. When we first started DD about 5 years ago, she expressed concern for how quickly things could change if I got into a serious accident on my bike. My plan had been to continue to keep riding as long as I could, but DD changed that. I was forced to consider her very justified fears, and acknowledge the reality that I cared more about her than I did about motorcycles. Because I had never experienced DD before, and my life was so much better, I felt I should reward her by letting go of the motorcycles and encourage her to continue to give me bounderies and hold me accountable. I still have a fast car, and sometimes have taken unnecessary risks. She has expressed concern about that as well, and driving in a manner that makes her nervous will earn me a spanking. Like TG, I have reported on myself if I had driven recklessly, and she has punished me for doing so. The other major issue which I have mentioned many times before has been my excessive drinking. That proved to be much more of a challenge for me to change, but she was determined to help me correct that, and it took about 2 years of numerous hard spankings for me to finally alter that. Peer pressure has very little effect on me, and getting old has certainly been a factor. Many of my friends drink much more than I do now, and they would be better off if they could cut it back.

      Delete
    3. I don't really think of motorcycles as inherently dangerous. Are they more dangerous than cars? Sure. But cars are inherently more dangerous than walking. It's all relative, and a lot of the risk can be mitigated by good choices around where and how you ride. When I look at those times that I've done things on motorcycles that did turn out to be risky, a fair amount of it was either (a) going along with the group or even one friend regarding a particular route; or (b) being careless about something maintenance or gear related. I've fixed a lot of the latter through experience, so it's really the former I still need to work on. Losing someone this year actually reinforced some views I already had about risk and not letting myself get closed off from things I enjoy just because they have a risk element that is higher than someone else's preferred baseline. It was a reminder that all sorts of things can kill you, including things you did 30 years ago that come back to bite you. One of the last things the person I lost said to me was, "I always thought I'd die doing something stupid," and it was clear that would have been their choice and, all things considered, it probably would have been a good one.

      But, it's all about personal choices. I'm glad that you feel good about giving up motorcycles, though that's unlikely to be my personal choice for several years to come.

      Delete
    4. Might as well enjoy them as long as you can. You'll know when it's time to quit. The hardest part of quitting motorcycles was giving up my identity, which has always been associated with motorcycles, risk, and danger. I lived much of my life on the edge, and have done some dangerous things, many of them being due to peer pressure. It is a bit of a relief to no longer care much about what anybody thinks.

      Delete
    5. It's interesting, but I'm not sure my identity is that bound up in motorcycles, despite how into them I am now and the fact that I'v been riding them on and off since I was 11. They definitely have helped broaden my social network in retirement, though as I said in the post, that has created some peer pressure issues when it comes to venturing into risky situations. That's all a big change from how I used to see motorcycling, which was as a solo activity. Even when riding in a group, it felt solo because I wasn't talking to anyone while on the bike. And, jumping on a motorcycle and going for a solo ride was almost meditating and therapeutic. So, for me, motorcycles were almost like an escape from ego and from displaying any identity to others. Alcohol, on the other hand, has been very identity-based for me, since before high school. Virtually every strong relationship I've had was formed or fostered over alcohol. Perhaps the extent to which one is identity-based and one isn't is that, while I love motorcycles, I could give them up if I ever felt I just wasn't safe riding them anymore. I could also set them aside temporarily in favor of other hobbies or interests. But, just thinking about giving up alcohol entirely feels, at a deep level, like walking away from a part of my identity.

      Delete
    6. Aggressive driving can be a good entry point into DD. Women know it's dumb, they know men won't listen or can't help themselves, and they know it potentially endangers their children or deprives them of a parent.

      Delete
    7. MW, that's probably true, though in our case we argue frequently about who is them ore aggressive driver, her or me. Of course, the right answer is her. ;-)

      Delete
    8. There's that. :)

      Going with the topic of the post, what's a guy to do when his wife has a point about his aggressive driving, but her driving is just...bad?

      Delete
    9. For us, the answer is pretty binary, in the sense that I have not only agreed to be spanked both for things I've identified, like carelessness, and anything else at her discretion, while she has no desire whatsoever to be physically disciplined. Our DD is purely one way, so the fact that she is just as bad or worse than me at certain things I get punished for doesn't enter the picture. An even better example than driving is the one Jackson raised about leaving a gas burner on. It's a better example because, unlike our arguments about who is the worse driver, there is no dispute that she frequently leaves a gas burner on the stove going. Nor is there any dispute that, if left on without anyone catching it, it could cause severe damage. Although objectively I think she *should* be spanked for it, the reality is (a) she has no desire for things to go in that direction; and (b) I don't think I could ever give a disciplinary spanking to any woman I cared about; the entire prospect causes me very strong, negative emotions.

      Delete
  6. Hi Dan,
    As far as peer pressure instigating me to do something worthy of punishment, it simply isn't an issue. I guess I am just too antisocial....

    Your other question was quite compelling: "In other words, especially with respect to something like carelessness, does the consequence of getting spanked depend on whether your actions or omissions resulted in some other bad consequences? Or, is it more the act or omission itself that matters and not whether anything bad resulted from it?" - I absolutely think that punishment is warranted in cases like this, regardless of consequences. In fact, I would go further and say that the whole point of DD or corporal punishment is to provide swift and sure consequences, and in so doing to hopefully prevent much worse natural consequences that may occur from unchecked bad behavior or bad decisions.

    "Actions have consequences" is a phrase we have all heard many times, but in life there is a huge amount of randomness, so while it is generally true that actions have consequences - 1at least if actions are repeated enough times over a long enough duration - these consequences are seldom swift and far from sure. For example, you can smoke all your life and live to be very old, or you can do everything perfectly and be ran over by a bus while walking at 30.

    The disconnect between actions and consequences can actually encourage more and more reckless behavior. If every time I do something stupid nothing bad happens, then I am more and more likely to feel comfortable doing that thing, even though I know it is stupid.

    DD, especially if used super consistently, provides immediate painful consequences which can save the recipient and all those around them from possibly much, much, much worse natural consequences. If I eat too many sweets, then I end up with a sore bottom. Having a sore bottom for a few days certainly beats dying from a heart attack.

    And if you do something and something bad happens from that, I see that as cause for an even bigger (or perhaps additional) punishment, since now the punishment isn't just for theoretical bad consequences that could eventually happen, but rather it is for something that indeed already did happen. And let's face it, our actions and the consequences from them impact not only us, but also all around us.

    -ZM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does seem like one of DD's highest and best uses would be imposing consequences in those cases in which carelessness or bad behavior did NOT result directly/immediately in a bad outcome. As you say, in the real world, consequences are spotty and/or may be subject to very long delays. In those circumstances, DD provides much more certain and much more immediate boundaries.

      Now, one could argue that it would then follow that when carelessness or bad behaviors do blow up on us and provide that immediate feedback, DD would not be necessary. Yet, I don't think it works that way in practice, at least for me. There is something about the prospect of a spanking that helps me focus *in advance* on paying more attention and making better choices, while the more natural consequences of carelessness seem to punish me for that particular act, yet it doesn't seem to result in me not being careless again in the future. Also, when bad consequences do result, they may have an impact not just on me but on things like family finances or Anne having to do something to help me fix or mitigate the bad consequences.

      Delete
    2. "...while the more natural consequences of carelessness seem to punish me for that particular act, yet it doesn't seem to result in me not being careless again in the future." - Exactly right. The whole reason you were being careless is probably because it usually works out ok, so even if occasionally it blows up in your face, you continue along being careless, knowing that most times it will work out OK. But if you add a DD punishment on top of things, whether a negative outcome happens or not, then it should motivate changed behavior.

      "Also, when bad consequences do result, they may have an impact not just on me but on things like family finances or Anne having to do something to help me fix or mitigate the bad consequences." - In this case, additional punishment is also warranted, because those around you ended up being punished by the bad consequences flowing from your behavior.

      Putting both of these things together leads me to believe that DD punishment should happen as a result of behavior, whether bad natural consequences happen or not. And in the case that something bad actually does happen, you should face the punishment for being careless, whatever natural consequences ensued, and additional punishment for causing negative consequences on those around you.

      -ZM



      Delete
    3. "The whole reason you were being careless is probably because it usually works out ok, so even if occasionally it blows up in your face, you continue along being careless, knowing that most times it will work out OK."

      I think it's also that carelessness can encompass an unlimited number of situations. So, even when I do suffer the direct consequences of carelessness, I associate those consequences with only that specific instance of carelessness. So, while I might not do that particular careless thing in the future, it doesn't really get generalized to other careless acts. On the other hand, if we have agreed that DD can be applied to any and all acts of carelessness, well now I'm going to be more attentive to what I'm doing in general.

      Delete
  7. It is generally accepted that the influence of peer pressure declines linearly with age. But a wide range of male ages are considered at least moderately susceptible to peer pressure. The age cohort 30 -60 is probably the extreme boundaries for that. Post 60, the influence of peers is believed to decline sharply. Alcohol is, of course, a complicating factor, as are individual differences. For me, the presence or absence of my wife is decisive. I am and have been for some time at the place where I am not going to disobey her in public or behave in a way I know she clearly disapproves. It took a while to reach that point, but it's now part of who I am.
    Alan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder how much of that linear decline is the result of the fading influence of peer pressure, versus the fading existence of peers. In other words, do we become less influenced by what our friends do, or do men after 60 just have fewer friends and fewer social relationships. There also is the fact that we may plateau in some of our "youthful" behavior problems at the same time our friends are facing similar plateaus. I've noticed that this year two of my closest male friends--my relations with whom were formed or fostered over alcohol--have both independently cut back on alcohol for health reasons. It also seems like all three of just kind of grew out of some of our desire for excesses around the same time in life.

      Delete
    2. These are excellent questions that may have been pursued during prior research on this topic. The conventional wisdom is that aging imparts a feeling of self that resists pressure to confirm.I suspect a bevy of hormones ( or their absence) are responsible for some of it.

      Delete
    3. I am confirming that I meant "conform" above when I said confirm.
      Alan

      Delete
    4. I assumed that was what you meant.

      It's probably a complicated mix of factors. I do feel like I care much less about others' opinions as I get older, but I don't know whether it's a result of hormonal changes accompanying aging or social factors like not feeling dependent on any particular relationship -- not that those two are mutually exclusive.

      Delete
    5. I have a ton of acquaintances and four close friends that all get together and travel together with no issues. I think that as we age we cut back on many things in our lives. Unlike some here we are very social. I tool have cut back on alcohol not for health reasons, but just because I wanted to. We still have a blast socially with our group and drink a bit more than we should that night, but you only live one life. I love these studies that all contradict each other regarding food and liquor. Some say one glass of wine is great per day and one study says it will kill you. My grandfather and grandmother smoked and drank their whole life, not daily, and lived until they were 80 and 96. So what do These studies actually prove. Everything in moderation.
      T

      Delete
    6. I have too add as much as I love my wife and I’m thankful for our DD relationship, if I had no outlet of friends and just spent my life with her only, we wouldn’t be married anymore. I’m the type of individual that has worked hard and always has to have travel plans to look forward to. I also appreciate the fact that my wife is extremely laid back. I travel alone to see friends without her and it’s never an issue. I have a close friend who has never been anywhere without his wife, with the exception of visiting family. This I find absurd. T

      Delete
    7. Yeah, dietary studies, are a mixed bag. I will say that the data on smoking is about as solid as it gets. I lost a close relative to lung cancer recently. They hadn't smoked in over 20 years, but they did when younger. I've had other relatives die from smoking-related illnesses. Some do get lucky, but many don't. The studies do seem very mixed when it comes to moderate drinking.

      I'm with you on needing friends outside of my marriage. Anne and I have a few common friends, but we have separate sets of friends too. I do motorcycle trips with friends. I don't do a lot of other travel on my own, since retirement and don't feel any burning desire to.

      Delete
    8. Dan,

      I've heard of a few extreme cases like that. One was someone who died of lung cancer almost 70 years after the believed contributory factors ceased.

      J. would never have wanted that sort of situation and was glad to shuffle off his mortal coil young.

      L.

      Delete
  8. “For me, the presence or absence of my wife is decisive. I am and have been for some time at the place where I am not going to disobey her in public or behave in a way I know she clearly disapproves. It took a while to reach that point, but it's now part of who I am.”

    I have noticed that is true for me as well. I have been in a pretty strict FLR/DD with Lauren for almost 3 years, and I have noticed that in just the last 8 months or so that I almost never misbehave or break rules in Her presence. As the spankings have become more and more severe(as She has become very comfortable with causing pain and leaving marks) I am quite honestly afraid of Her. I know on one level that I need and have earned the Discipline when it is delivered I Do Not want to provoke it.

    As far as being punished for Carelessness, I definitely think a very Harsh correction is warranted regardless of consequences. I have a very bad habit of leaving the gas burner on low after cooking breakfast. This has happened several times and I have been scolded for it during our weekly checkins and Disciplinary sessions. Last Tuesday I did it again and called Her while on my way to the airport and asked Her if the burner was on and to please turn it off. It was on and even though I caught it myself and there were no consequences, I am sure She will bring it up on our Sunday check in, and even if everything else was perfect this week there will be Discipline based on that Carelessness alone.

    As far as peer pressure I can say that I experience almost zero peer pressure. I am 62 and peer pressure has declined with age. I have not seen friendships decline. If anything I believe my existing friendships with other men and women are closer than ever since DD. I believe DD has brought about real change in me and made me a nicer, more caring and more pleasant person to be around. I suppose some of it could be aging and hormonal, but I attribute the changes in me to Her frequent use of paddles, whips and straps. She has become quite comfortable since She realizes now how effective it is and how fast I heal. It’s been almost 2 weeks since my last thrashing and I remember it well. It was one of those where afterward you view Her in a new light. During the session She noticed I was bleeding and She started wiping at my bottom with a towel. Then She notice the martinet and paddle had blood on them and She paused to go to the bathroom and clean them off…She said, “Stay there…” I thought we would be close to done because of the blood. Instead She came back and said, “We’re not even half way done!” She continued, and even used the equestrian whip and cane before She was finally finished. Her Discipline has always been real and severe, but there are some sessions that stand out and have truly changed my view of Her. Don’t get me wrong I don’t go around in fear of Her all the time, but I have gained a the perspective of having a very healthy respect for what I know she is capable of doing and especially what I don’t know about how far She will go. I’m not sure She has any limits other than drawing the line at causing real, lasting injury. My drinking has conformed to Her rules pretty well around the house and while out with friends. I travel for work and that’s when I slip. I confess and am punished for it, but it doesn’t seem to be helping me curb the urge when I know I am hundreds of miles away. I am giving myself until the end of this year to fix it or I will quit completely for health reasons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "As the spankings have become more and more severe(as She has become very comfortable with causing pain and leaving marks) I am quite honestly afraid of Her."

      I think many couples who aren't into DD would have a hard time understanding why a husband would want to experience that. But, I get it, especially as you defined "fear" later in your comment: "I don’t go around in fear of Her all the time, but I have gained the perspective of having a very healthy respect for what I know she is capable of doing and especially what I don’t know about how far She will go." There is obviously a fine line between respect and fear, and they can overlap. I've said in posts here that I want to have a "healthy fear" of my wife, and while "healthy" is an important qualifier, I do want the respect to be tinged with a bit of fear about what she might do. I'm not really there day-to-day, but I've felt twinges of it on a few occasions when she's delivered a punishment that was worse than I thought the offense merited or when she's been very angry about something I didn't really see as a problem.

      Anne has always been squeamish about blood, even the minor "spotting" that I think doesn't really involve the skin being significantly abraded. I've told her it's really not a big deal and, in fact, after the spanking is no blood is visible when blotting the area.

      Delete
    2. Its the mixture of "fear" with trust that produces the magic.
      Alan

      Delete
    3. >"Its the mixture of "fear" with trust that produces the magic."<

      >" having a very healthy respect for what I know she is capable of doing"<

      Well stated indeed, gentleman!

      --al

      Delete
  9. Would never tell others. Wife's disciplinary practices strictly my secret and hers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Couples differ on how they feel about that. My former GF, who introduced me to female-led DD, did want her best friend to know, ostensibly to demonstrate to her a way to handle her own husband. My wife has confided in her sister and her mother. Part of her motivation for allowing her sister to witness me being disciplined was to encourage her sister to bring spanking into her own marriage. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but maybe women who do want to share with other women may, in part, be motivated by that desire to explain why spanking works to a friend who needs some help. More than altruism is operating, but altruism may encourage sharing among some women.
      Alan

      Delete
    2. That's a good point, Alan. I suspect that if my wife ever shares it with one of our kids, it will be because either: (a) one of them has figured it out and asks her directly about it; or (b) one of them is frustrated with her own marriage and my wife suggests a way to deal with it. Of those, I think the former is more realistic. Could she ever let someone else in on it? It doesn't seem particularly likely right now, but one never knows. If it did happen, I suspect there would be, as you say, some kind of altruism in play.

      Delete
  10. I'd say the strongest peer pressure in my life comes from the sycophants surrounding the most powerful people in my company and career field. I would love to receive reinforcement from my wife when I don't speak up against their wishes. It's hard to come up with discipline rules around those situations.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a tough one. I had the opposite problem -- sticking my neck out constantly when, in some cases, discretion might have been the better part of valor. But, whether it's speaking up too much or not enough, I think using DD to address work situations is inherently hard, given that it usually would require both self-reporting and a spouse who either agreed it was a problem or would accommodate one's need to be disciplined even if it wasn't for something that really affected her.

      Delete
  11. I'm scheduled to be spanked int en minutes. I don't know if it's technically fear what I'm feeling, but it's a kind of nervousness and the symptoms are quite similar. However, I'm positive that this feeling is linked purely to the upcoming spanking, and not to my wife as a person.

    ReplyDelete

This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed. Please use a name or initials (doesn't have to be your real one) when commenting - it helps commenters keep track of who is "talking."