Happy Independence Day for those of you in the United States. We're still on the road, so I won't be posting this week (again). Enjoy the holiday and be safe.
Friday, July 4, 2025
16 comments:
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Apparently celebrating kicking the English out is one of the most widespread national days across the world… 65 countries at current count…
ReplyDeleteAs a possible future or sub topic I’m curious what happens in a DD relationship when the reasons for punishment disappear or are eradicated? I have been punished on average I estimate every 10 days since we started many years ago. Sometimes more frequently, occasionally less. Recently we seem to be in complete harmony and even when we are not, I have controlled my usual irritations, sarcasm and/or rudeness. My wife has even commented how pleased she is that there have been no reasons for a session.
How long this will go on I don’t know… I’m curious about other peoples experiences or thoughts?
That’s a great topic for Dan to address. I admire your wife for holding you accountable for your actions. The whole point of DD is to correct one’s faults and be held accountable for one’s own actions. I posted last week that my wife has stepped her game up as of recent. She severely strapped me after stepping out of the shower. I was thrown off and of course did not want the thrashing.
DeleteI took it because I told her of course I would never not bend over for her. I approached her about holding me more accountable for my negativity and raising my voice. It’s part of my culture but completely unacceptable. I explained that it’s my number one fault. Like your situation, I’ve been much better at it and she has noticed a difference. I think that she was apprehensive sometime ago, do to our erotic spanking play. She realized it’s a different level and she straps long and hard.!I have given her feedback and have told her to go longer and harder much to my demise. She has become a good disciplinarian. I don’t eroticize the thrashing while it’s occurring. I’m begging it to stop,
but it’s something I know I need. I’ve said it’s an equalizer in our relationship. I’m humbled and affectionate after. I think just like your situation , I’ve become a better man than before. I think your goals look like they are accomplished and congrats to you both. As far as our situation, I’m stubborn so I receive one about twice a month. I should receive one weekly, but my wife lets some things slide that she should not. It’s much better than the ebb and flows of our DD at times and we seem to be back on track for now. I hope everyone enjoyed the fourth. We had a great weekend.
T
Hi T,
DeleteI think we can all relate of just how much we don't want a spanking at the time it happens, yet somehow knowing that we really need this on some level.
"The whole point of DD is to correct one’s faults and be held accountable for one’s own actions." - I don't think I would go so far as to say that it is the whole point of DD, though correcting faults and accountability are usually significant parts of the reason for DD and the expected outcomes.
-ZM
What do you think are some of the other parts ZM?
DeleteAssuaging feelings of guilt (for the recipient), teaching discipline which hopefully transitions to some self-discipline, clearing the air and getting closure to help prevent accumulated resentment, venting frustration or anger (for her), making the relationship more equal by momentarily tipping the balance of power away from him, improving communication, changing perspective, and increasing intimacy in the marriage are just a few reasons or goals for DD that I can think of from the top of my head.
Delete-ZM
I was reading back over the comments posted on last week’s post and wanted to throw this out there for possible future discussion -
ReplyDeleteDan, you mentioned that the DD front has been quiet for you both as you’re currently traveling and staying in other people’s homes. How does everyone handle keeping at least the dynamic and accountability alive when staying or being around others for extended periods of time, especially if spanking is not necessarily an option.
For instance, my husband and I are in the home stretch to buying a home so in a few mths we are going to go live with my family for a year to save the last bit needed. Obviously this will provide new challenges, especially regarding our dd. But even aside from that, those of you with children too, or an active social life with your community, how do you reinforce her authority when alone time is limited.
Hi MissE. We didn't have to deal with kids being around since we started aDD late in life, but many others have commented on this in past posts. As far as traveling, when staying in hotels, we always have paddles with us, and it is a bit of a turn on knowing others might be hearing the spanking. As Dan has mentioned, the older you get, the less you care about what other people think. In reality, they usually couldn't care less. That said, the embarrassment for the husband, knowing others may be aware of you getting a real spanking from your wife, is a juicy threat for her to have over you.
DeleteMissE, I'm pretty tied up with travel and adventuring for another week, but I'll do a post on dealing with kids and other distractions sometime in a week or two. I've done topics regarding working around kids and/or how much they should know. There have been a wide range of opinions expressed in the past.
DeleteMiss E, We have certainly been in situations where privacy was a problem, but have always found a way. Once my wife decides a spanking is needed
DeleteMissE, somehow my words got posted before I was finished. To continue, once my wife decides a spanking is called for, she delivers a scolding and instructs me to be ready whenever the opportunity arises. And it always does, when we have privacy for the needed half hour or so. I think you will find that this will be true for you when you are staying with your parents.
DeleteThere were several comments r.e. what happens to your DD if you become a changed man, and the need to be spanked largely disappears? My current experience is much the same as the first commenter's, as I said in the last post. Of course, I still have fantasies about being spanked, and they seem to be a core part of my sexuality. However, for the last 6 weeks, I haven't felt the need for a spanking, and have been very careful to not do anything to earn one. We continue to have a check in every week, but it no longer includes a spanking, which it has every week for the last 5 years. She still has the authority to spank for any reason, and that could even include stress relief for her. I could also ask her for a spanking, and will do so, if I realized I needed one. She enjoys being spanked foreplay, which is a turn on for me, but she doesn't want it to be the least bit real. She doesn't get turned on by spanking me, but she does enjoy some of the other benefits, such as having a better behaved, more vulnerable, partner, and having more power in the relationship. It seems like this may be a relevant topic to explore, since three of us have commented on it already in this post.
ReplyDelete“{What happens when male behavior has been so modified by discipline that spanking is no longer needed}”
DeleteEvery couple probably carves out their own timetable for “how long it takes” to get to that point where the need for spanking is extinguished or sharply diminished But I expect that most couples experience a gradual decrease in the use of punishment spanking over time, not a full cessation of spanking: it always remains a part of a relationship. My wife has said she expects always to need to spank me at least occasionally. For us, disciplinary spanking frequency reached its initial maximum within about two years and stabilized there for several years. Somewhere around six or seven years, school tightened the boundaries on a lot of things I was doing ( not doing actually), and the frequency of spanking shot up again for several years. Somewhere between our 12th and 15th year of DD, it gradually declined again to what became our long-term “norm”. ( 3-5 spankings a year).
That norm can fluctuate a lot from year to year. So until last year, I had been getting 3-5 punishment spankings a year for several years, but last year I probably got more than one a month on average. But during the pandemic, I went over a year without being spanked, so there was a lot of fluctuation.
So that’s the big picture. Within that big frame, however, there were phases. One phase, still operating with us, is that the scope of her standards and expectations kept enlarging. Chores and responsibilities around the house kept increasing (not unreasonably), and strictness in enforcing rules tightened up. Things become “spankable” that originally were minor offenses or not even within the scope of discipline. Some once minor spankings became major ones, and so on.
A separate phase was the rebellions I put on when she tightened the screws on me or clipped my wings in some way. These bothered her initially, but she learned to expect them ( and how to deal with them). We both consider those “mini” rebellions part of a healthy dynamic, although very early on, they did put a hit on her confidence. ( as well as my ass)
I also tend to “get in trouble” in bunches. Historically, the winter holidays have been a very dangerous period for that, and multi-day travel by car is similar. Interestingly, these instances of high risk have gone down over time as she has handled them more decisively, but they still do occur
So “what happens when there seems no need to spank …)? Each couple must work that out –no cookie-cutter formula exists for it. Apparently, some couples use maintenance spanking or ( as my wife has done) increase the use of “preventive spanking.” These can fill that void while keeping things on an even keel. In any event, if we were at a point where we were missing the absence of spanking, I hope we would sit down and decide together if that was a problem and, if so, what to do about it. What can help heaps is a wife or GF just expressing pleasure at your good behavior and maybe including an implied threat about the consequences if that behavior doesn’t continue.
Alan
Alan,
DeleteWe broached the subject of “preventative” spankings in the past, but for us they felt fake. I know Dan has done a topic on it and we decided not to adopt this, as my wife felt there is no need to punish me for something I haven’t done wrong. I screw up enough to be disciplined.
T
T,
DeleteYou are not alone. Preventive spankings apparently don’t work for many who experiment with them. Same result for a close cousin, maintenance spankings. Every couple's dynamic is different. That is one of the big lessons I have learned reading this blog. Spanking unites us, but how, when, and why we use it differs greatly. Preventive works for my wife because I have definite predictable behavior patterns she dislikes (putting it mildly). I think there has been only one time that preventive has not worked for her. That is one hell of a tool, and she will use it -and I support her completely in doing so. But preventive care might seem strange to a couple if you don’t have that kind of pattern. Same for maintenance ( which we do not use). Apparently, it keeps things on an even keel, reinforces a wife’s authority, and can “reset” dubious behavior. So, apparently, some couples use it. It all comes down to what works for you as a couple and supports the DD dynamic.
Alan
Norton, I'll do a full post on this in the next couple of days, though my own participation probably will be limited. I got home from our road trip today, but I head off on a motorcycle adventure this weekend and will be out for about a week.
DeleteHopefully, the wife of the man in the picture took appropriate action against him for letting off the fireworks like that!
ReplyDeleteL.