Meeting 515 - Openness to Others Knowing About Our Disciplinary Spankings

“A man who can't bear to share his habits is a man who needs to quit them.” ― Stephen King, The Dark Tower

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.

 

I hope you all had a great week.  We had one of those vacations where you come home more tired than when you left.  Although it was in a hard-to-beat location that feels almost like home to us at this point, like much of the rest of 2025, it felt like anything that could go wrong did.  We both had, or were getting, colds when we left. While there, we both took a turn for the worse and ended up having to have a doctor make a house call.  Funny enough, the visit had some spanking-related implications.  He ended up giving Anne a shot, which was no big deal for her.  But, I had been spanked with the ebony hair brush on the second day there, as punishment for over-indulging a bit the day we got there.  In addition to the embarrassment of a doctor seeing the visual evidence, a shot on my recently spanked bottom might have been quite painful. Thankfully, he decided I was okay with oral antibiotics, sparing me two types of pain.

 

 

I also found it impossible to relax into the beautiful location, as I kept following the financial carnage wreaked on the markets by Trump’s tariffs. Regardless of how you feel about Trump or the wisdom of tariffs in general, can we all agree the rollout was so incompetent and chaotic, it was like they were trying to Make America Poor Again?  Although I try to comfort myself with thoughts along the lines of this meme, I’d really just like to have my savings back.

 

Speaking of Trump, I would like to again give my condolences to Julie of the former Strict Julie Spanks blog.  We disagreed about practically everything political, but I still will miss her blog.  I'm getting pretty close to the last man standing when it comes to blogs that focus on "real" spankings.  Her blog also was a pretty big referrer to this one. Anyway, Julie, I hope you continue to drop by regularly.  (I also hope you get your ass whipped in the upcoming Canadian elections.)

 

I hope you all enjoyed the discussion of fantasies.  As I said in the post, those of us in DD relationships are, to a big extent, already living the fantasy, as almost all our relationships started with the husband having or, in my case, suddenly developing a strong interest in being spanked “for real.”  At some point, we worked up the courage to tell our wives about our DD desires and perhaps even asked them to give it a try.  Al summed it up nicely:

 

First, I should note that just having become a DWC husband was in itself a fantasy come true - and, in a story that I've told here a few times, and one I certainly would have never expected to come about - as my wife, whom I was convinced was plain vanilla when it came to anything remotely "kinky", enthusiastically embraced the role of disciplinary wife after I admitted to a "mild interest" in being spanked one night over too much wine. Then there were a number of "attached fantasies" that went with that that came true over time as well - the use of various implements, anal disciplines (plugs, pegging), spanked in various places (including outside the car behind a closed gas station on the side of the interstate one night).

 

By the way, Al, getting spanked behind a closed gas station pushes all sorts of buttons for me.  Once again, I admire you and your wife’s adventurous spirits.

 

The one surprise for me in reading all the comments was that I expected a lot of variety. In the details there was a lot, but I was surprised at how many of the fantasies involved one core scenario – others knowing or participating. A very large majority of the comments involved fantasies in which third parties come to know about and/or participate in our disciplinary spankings.

 

As a preliminary matter, I’d love to hear any theories you all may have about why that is. Why do third-parties play such an overwhelmingly large role in our fantasies?

 

Of course, some of you have already fulfilled fantasies involving others knowing and participating.  Though, there is always fresh ground to explore, right?  Al, again, provided this about a developing scenario with a male friend who knows that he is a spanked husband:

 

Within the last couple of years, we have made a new friend, Ben, that we spend quite a bit of time with. We've all become quite close and he hangs out with us fairly often. Along the way, he happened to see a paddle left out - with the result being that Susan told him our entire story - but not while I was present. She confessed to me later, and although the resulting discussion got somewhat tense, ultimately I had no choice but to accept what was done. What I privately realized, however, was that although it was incredibly embarrassing to me to know that Ben now knew that Susan regularly bare ass paddled me to tears - on the other, hand it was also credibly hot that she had told him - that she had exercised that much authority.

 

Following that initial revelation, Susan began talking about our disciplinary lifestyle in front of Ben as if were just part of our ordinary life (which, of course, it is). It was initially quite embarrassing to see that Susan had texted Ben that she had spanked me or that I had a spanking coming - and the like - but eventually I also came to terms with that. I've even occasionally made an occasional comment myself - especially after a drink or two - about Susan paddling my ass over certain issues.

 

I don’t know why, but I find the fact that Susan texts Ben about Al’s spankings, or lets him know Al is going to be spanked, very hot.  I think it's something about her confidence and business-like approach.

 

And, the fact that I find it hot explains why I don’t have a lot of interest in DD ever becoming so mainstream that it might stop seeming taboo.  I’m quite sure that part of the reason it appeals to me so strongly is because it is not widely accepted. Even though erotic spanking is becoming more generally practiced, F/m disciplinary spankings remain very transgressive.  For me, that’s a big part of why I’m still so into this after 20+ years.  Doug described what I see as the “sweet spot” for public acceptance:

 

I think it would be cool if adult disciplinary spanking remained unusual enough to be raise eyebrows and to be a source of embarrassment to people subject to such discipline, but common enough to be recognized as a real thing. Imagine if it was considered normal enough that dominant partners didn’t feel compelled to hide their authoritative status from friends and family. Spankings would still be done behind closed doors, especially when the bottom is bared, but threats and warnings could be made publicly the way parents used to do when kids misbehaved. As I imagine this social evolution, egalitarianism would continue to be the most common marital ideal, but people would accept that some relationships have a D/s dynamic because some adults need discipline. My need for DD embarrasses me, but there is a part of me that wishes that my wife could make it known that she has authority over me. Maybe it would be liberating.

 

I don't know whether I would find it liberating, but I know I do find it titillating.

 

There are obviously many, many permutations of openness to others knowing about our status as DD husbands.

 

At one end of the spectrum might be something as benign as leaving a “pervertable” item around where others could see and, a bit more risqué, in a location that seems a bit out of place.

 

We’ve done that with Anne’s hairbrush and bath brush.  Both are more or less permanently on display on our bathroom counter, and somehow in that place they always catch my attention, even though I see them there every day.   

 

Although we’ve never taken displays of tools further than that, I do find much more open displays pleasantly “edgy” to think about, particularly if I had no say about such display:

 

 

A bit further along the openness spectrum from leaving a somewhat innocusous tool in plain sight might be if the wife were to drop  some strong verbal hints that she disciplines her husband.   

 

Anne has, on a couple of occasions, made a clear reference to spanking while family members were within earshot.  I don’t think any of them heard and, if they did, they might have thought it was a joke.  

 

T. related something along the line of a spanking being hinted at but not quite fully disclosed:

 

We had some family over to the house on Friday, and I was obnoxious to my wife. She actually aggravated me a few days before and it carried over. My big mouth got me into trouble as usual. My Mother was in the room and made a sly comment of, “you’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight”. My wife didn’t skip a beat and said, “He will be standing all day tomorrow.”

 

But, as Doug observed, many older mothers have undoubtedly used similar phrases themselves as a spanking threat and, thus, T.’s mom likely understood what he was in for. T. responded:

 

Yeah. I wondered that as well. . . . At this stage of our DD, I wouldn’t care if my Mother knew my wife strapped me. I am well aware of my deficiencies and it’s why I approached her about DD. I might be embarrassed but I’d get over it quick. As long as it’s never brought up in front of the rest of our family and friends.

 

I’m kind of the opposite when it comes to relatives knowing. Although my mother is not especially judgmental, I still wouldn’t want her to know. Perhaps it’s because we’ve always had a complicated relationship, and the prospect of her knowing feels disempowering, and not in a good way. Also, she was such an erratic disciplinarian, it's hard to imagine her providing any sound feedback on the subject, though a strict mother who would do so has a lot resonance for me.

As an aside, I’ve always loved this drawing of a mother, or mother-in-law, discovering by accident that her son gets spanked. (At least, that's what I imagine is going on.)

The last time I did a full topic about this (three or four years ago), very few people were into others knowing about this kinky little world of ours. So, again, why is it such a prevalent fantasy??

 

Yet, while I fantasize about Anne being more open, I too am inconsistent about exploring it in real life.

 

There is something “edgy” about others knowing that I am a disciplined husband, and that edginess hasn't been diminished in those rare instances when I have told someone about it myself.

 

 I have told one mutual vanilla friend about our DD relationship. I don’t know exactly why I told her. We were (and still are) close friends.  It was early on in our Domestic Discipline relationship, and I think I felt a compulsion to share the big change with someone. 

 

She was married at the time, and Anne and I socialized with them pretty frequently.  She later divorced and remarried, and we socialize with her and the new husband as well.  I don’t know whether she’s told either of them, but I do acknowledge to myself that it’s a possibility.  Oddly, the prospect of her current husband knowing doesn’t really give me that “edgy” feeling; at least not much.  But, the whole situation is a reminder that if you tell one person, you need to accept that it may spread.

 

 

The second time I “outed” myself, I was approached (by email) by a female blogger who is the leader in an FLR relationship.  We talked anonymously for a long time, before gaining sufficient trust to drop that anonymity.  In the ensuing years, that relationship went in some unexpected directions, becoming intertwined with my professional life in some interesting and entertaining ways. There is also a female author who is in a M/f dynamic.  We also talked electronically, and anonymously, for a long period of time before becoming comfortable enough to mutually reveal our real identities. 

 

Now, even though I made the choice to open up with all three of these people, and one of them was a close friend, when I talk live to any of them, there is a certain nervous energy that comes with them knowing about that side of me.

 

I don’t know whether “embarrassed” is the right word, but I am at least very aware when talking to them that they know that my wife is my boss and that she spanks my ass when she is unhappy with me. We’ve become such good friends that 90% of our conversations have nothing to do with DD or spanking but, on the odd occasion when it does come up, I instantly feel that “edginess”, even though their relationships are much like my own (though one is on the other end of the paddle). I feel much like I imagine the woman in this picture might feel, having to call someone and tell them she was spanked.  (At least, that’s what I imagine the picture depicts.)

 

(Counterintuitively, I probably fee less of that "edginess" around the vanilla friend than I do when talking to the two who are in D/s and DD lifestyles.  Maybe it is because the vanilla friend seemingly isn't into these relationships, while the other two not only are interested, but are in a better position to imagine exactly what happens when I get a real spanking?)

 

And, it’s not a bad sort of edginess.  Maybe that’s why I feel an odd desire to let even more people know about this aspect of myself. Though perhaps not this many:

 

Anne and I have been talking a lot lately about her being more openly dominant, and while I’m sure that if she starts doing that it will be embarrassing, I also think it will make me respect her and her power even more. I now that’s been the case with her surprising move to start spanking me with the window shades open.

 

Yet, I still kind of crave even more openness.  As I said above, there is something very hot to me about Al’s wife texting someone about his spankings. Honestly, I’m kind of jealous of it. I wish there were someone in Anne’s life who she as that open with, and I’m not sure why I feel that way. Maybe deep down inside many of us just want to be more authentically who we are, even if we also like being in a “naughty” secret club of sorts? 

 

In fact, I think maybe the “secret club” aspect of the Disciplinary Wives Club was part of what I found so alluring about it, even if I was at that time too cowardly to actually join up.

 

 

Before I retired, work remained a big, big exception to my openness to being open. It was a very conservative, traditional, and competitive profession.  And, my niche within it was pretty insular.  I do think there would have been unpleasant ramifications had my status as a disciplined husband become widely known. 

 

I will leave this topic fairly open-ended, but I’d like to explore more about why so many of you seem to fantasize about others knowing or participating, and yet so many of us jealously guard our privacy in this area.  Some possible questions to address are:

 

• If you do fantasize about others knowing, how many actually do?  Is there a big gap between the reality and the fantasy?  If so, why?  Is it due to resistance (yours or your spouses) or more about lack of opportunity?
•  If you have opened up to others, or they somehow found out, how did that affect your relationship with them? Did it change your feelings about them?  Did your interactions with them change?
•  If you have opened up to others, do they know the nature of the spankings, i.e. that they are for real discipline and punishment?  Is revealing the disciplinary aspect of the relationship give you more angst than revealing that you get spanked?
•  Do you know about anyone else’s DD or FLR relationship?  How did you come to know about it? Did it change the way you view them?  Did knowing about their relationship lead you to be open with them about yours?
• Is there anyone you would like to tell about your DD relationship but have not?  What keeps you from telling them?
•  Do you think your spouse has or might tell someone about your DD relationship?  How would you feel about that? Do you see it as within their authority to do that if they so choose?

For the Disciplinary Wives, if someone does know that you discipline your husband, how do they feel about that?  How do you feel about them knowing? Does it feel empowering? Would you like to be more open about your own disciplinary status, i.e. that you “wear the pants” in the relationship and have the authority to punish your husband?

 

I hope you all have a great week.