The Club - Meeting 499 - The Power of Asking for What You Have Coming, and Anger's Role in Spanking Timing

“Love implies anger. The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing.” - Edward Abbey

 

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and Female Led (FLR) relationships.

 

Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.

 

Before we kick off this week’s discussion, I wanted to highlight a fun development.  I’ve mentioned a few times lately that I’m trying to compile a book using some of the best comments from over the years. It’s actually going relatively well, though it’s been a much more laborious process than I envisioned when I started plowing through every topic beginning with the very first.

 

In thinking through publishing logistics, I gave some passing thought to cover art.  I figured I would have to pay someone to create something original, since I have zero artistic ability. But, almost on a lark, I reached out to the artist who distributes his spanking art under the name RedRump and asked whether he might consider letting me use one of his pieces.  I have been a huge fan for many years, but I had no real expectation of even receiving a reply, since he hasn’t been publishing new works recently. And, I thought if he did reply it would likely be a polite “no.”

 

Thus, I was shocked when, a couple of weeks later, I got a positive reply.  His only request was that I publish a couple of his newer works.  I was more than willing!  I love his stuff and am honored to publish anything he gives me. Here are the two works he passed along. One is brand new. The other is a new version of one that has circulated in colorized form for a while, the colorizing apparently not his doing.  So, enjoy!

 

I was intending to do a new topic this week, but something happened that made me decide to further explore some additional angles on some things we’ve talked about over the last couple of weeks.  I don’t do many personally revealing posts, but this one will get a little introspective.

 

As I’ve talked about, we’ve been stuck mostly at home for two months, dealing with Anne convalescing from a big surgery.  A couple of weeks ago, it became clear that the stress of the confinement and having our routines disrupted was showing, when we got into a big argument.  That doesn’t happen very often with us, and this one was harder to move past, because we both thought we were right.  That went on for several days.

 

Then, we were in bed one night, talking a bit during the pre-glow of our first sexual encounter in well over two months, when I steered the discussion toward getting the DD and FLR aspects of our relationship back on track.  At first, I didn’t detect a lot of enthusiasm.  Then, I said something about her spanking me for the recent fight, and she perked up very noticeably.  I told her, in that conversation and in a follow-up journal entry, that I didn’t think I was in the wrong in our argument, or maybe it was that we were both in the wrong, but I did recognize that the way I argued was wrong and should be punished regardless of who was right on the merits.  

 

The mere act of taking responsibility worked a major change in her mood, and she became downright enthusiastic about getting our DD back on track. Maybe even more so the FLR aspects, as I learned the next day when I got home from the gym and found a list of chores she wanted done that day. 

 

So, things were going in a good direction. Then, I once again did something really stupid.  Without getting into too many details, I did something that was basically “roughhousing,” but without thinking about its possible impact on her surgical recovery.  It wasn’t malicious in anyway.  It was just incredibly, unthinkingly careless.  This time, I not only accepted that I was in the wrong, I felt terrible about it and apologized profusely. 

 

She seemed to accept that, though her demeanor was notably cool the next day.  I don’t blame her and, in fact, totally understand if she remains pissed off and lets me know it.

 

 

These two incidents highlight the intersection of anger and timing.  Last week, there was some discussion about “spanking in anger.”  Those discussions almost always involve the scenario in which the wife is angry, but in our case it’s often my post-argument anger that creates a timing issue. It’s very rare that we get into big arguments but, when it does happen, it can take several days for passions to cool, including mine. Until my own anger and resentment taper off enough that I can at least accept my own role in the argument, a spanking won't accomplish anything constructive beyond simply imposing punishment (though, I recognize that alone could serve her purpose.)  But, at some point, I almost always come around to accepting my role in causing or escalating the argument and am contrite about it and ready to take what I have coming to move us both past it.

 

In my journal entry, I suggested she might try doing something Alan I discussed here a couple of weeks ago.  I has posted:

 

“I've wondered whether it would add a distinct humbling element to our usual DD rituals if, instead of her telling me when to get ready for my spanking, she ordered that one would happen in the next day or two, but left it to me to come in and ask for it when I was ready.”

 

Alan replied:

“We have never done this but I am going to discuss it with my wife. It could be a powerful tool for her I want her to know about. As I think about it, it may be some cultures have used something similar as part of the punishment process.

It does check some boxes. It would almost guarantee that you spent time thinking about what happened and what is going to happen. The point when you go to her and say you are ready means you are taking responsibility for the behavior and ready to pay the price. My former girlfriend liked it when I came to her after she had decided to punish me. But not so much when I asked for a spanking or told her I needed one without her first deciding it was going to happen.”

 

I think this idea of coming to her when I’m ready to accept responsibility is powerful.  Although she could end an argument by ordering a spanking, it would probably work only during the course of fairly minor arguments.  When we’re both really angry and in the heat of battle, even if I complied I think I would be incapable of learning any real lesson from it.

 

But, in those situations where we’ve both cooled off but I’m not quite contrite yet, I think it would be very humbling for me and very empowering for her if she told me something like, “You are going to get spanked, not for the argument itself but for your attitude and lack of respect. It must happen in the next two days or you will get an additional spanking for each day you make me wait. But, you come to me and let me know when you are ready for it.”

 

 

I think something like that would accelerate my accepting responsibility, since I'm usually on the cusp of doing so anyway. And, it would be incredibly humbling to have to go to her and tell her directly, face to face, that I want her to spank me then and there.

 

It doesn’t, unfortunately, fit our current situation, where I was very contrite and genuinely sorry from the very beginning, but she may need to stay angry a while.   

 

Just like there is a sweet spot where I’ve gotten over my anger but haven’t totally moved on from the situation, there probably is a sweet spot for her where she’s still pissed off at me but has cooled enough to see spanking as a way to make sure I am not only sorry but as sorry as she wants me to be and in a place where a spanking may get her over the anger she’s justifiably carrying instead of possibly reinforcing as might happen if she spanked when she was still very mad.

 

Something that did surprise me a bit about both these incidents was how much better I felt just from accepting responsibility, even before any spanking has taken place.  Accepting responsibility really is hard.  A couple of weeks ago, I talked about a “moderate drinking” app I’ve been using and how weird it was that I found it difficult to be honest in “reporting” to a disembodied app with no power to hand out aversive consequences. I think it’s hard for the simple reason that admitting to ourselves when we’ve screwed up is almost as hard as admitting it to someone else.

 

Anyway, I don’t have a concise topic description to go along with this but welcome any more thoughts you may have about spanking in anger; being spanked while angry or when not yet accepting responsibility; and, reaching that point where you not only accept responsibility but take the next step and come to her humbly asking for what you have coming.

 

 

Have a great week.