“Love implies anger. The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing.” - Edward Abbey
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to thank the female commenters who have recently joined us and to extend an invitation to all others who may be inclined to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We like having you around.
Before we kick off this week’s discussion, I wanted to highlight a fun development. I’ve mentioned a few times lately that I’m trying to compile a book using some of the best comments from over the years. It’s actually going relatively well, though it’s been a much more laborious process than I envisioned when I started plowing through every topic beginning with the very first.
In thinking through publishing logistics, I gave some passing thought to cover art. I figured I would have to pay someone to create something original, since I have zero artistic ability. But, almost on a lark, I reached out to the artist who distributes his spanking art under the name RedRump and asked whether he might consider letting me use one of his pieces. I have been a huge fan for many years, but I had no real expectation of even receiving a reply, since he hasn’t been publishing new works recently. And, I thought if he did reply it would likely be a polite “no.”
Thus, I was shocked when, a couple of weeks later, I got a positive reply. His only request was that I publish a couple of his newer works. I was more than willing! I love his stuff and am honored to publish anything he gives me. Here are the two works he passed along. One is brand new. The other is a new version of one that has circulated in colorized form for a while, the colorizing apparently not his doing. So, enjoy!
I was intending to do a new topic this week, but something happened that made me decide to further explore some additional angles on some things we’ve talked about over the last couple of weeks. I don’t do many personally revealing posts, but this one will get a little introspective.
As I’ve talked about, we’ve been stuck mostly at home for two months, dealing with Anne convalescing from a big surgery. A couple of weeks ago, it became clear that the stress of the confinement and having our routines disrupted was showing, when we got into a big argument. That doesn’t happen very often with us, and this one was harder to move past, because we both thought we were right. That went on for several days.
Then, we were in bed one night, talking a bit during the pre-glow of our first sexual encounter in well over two months, when I steered the discussion toward getting the DD and FLR aspects of our relationship back on track. At first, I didn’t detect a lot of enthusiasm. Then, I said something about her spanking me for the recent fight, and she perked up very noticeably. I told her, in that conversation and in a follow-up journal entry, that I didn’t think I was in the wrong in our argument, or maybe it was that we were both in the wrong, but I did recognize that the way I argued was wrong and should be punished regardless of who was right on the merits.
The mere act of taking responsibility worked a major change in her mood, and she became downright enthusiastic about getting our DD back on track. Maybe even more so the FLR aspects, as I learned the next day when I got home from the gym and found a list of chores she wanted done that day.
So, things were going in a good direction. Then, I once again did something really stupid. Without getting into too many details, I did something that was basically “roughhousing,” but without thinking about its possible impact on her surgical recovery. It wasn’t malicious in anyway. It was just incredibly, unthinkingly careless. This time, I not only accepted that I was in the wrong, I felt terrible about it and apologized profusely.
She seemed to accept that, though her demeanor was notably cool the next day. I don’t blame her and, in fact, totally understand if she remains pissed off and lets me know it.
These two incidents highlight the intersection of anger and timing. Last week, there was some discussion about “spanking in anger.” Those discussions almost always involve the scenario in which the wife is angry, but in our case it’s often my post-argument anger that creates a timing issue. It’s very rare that we get into big arguments but, when it does happen, it can take several days for passions to cool, including mine. Until my own anger and resentment taper off enough that I can at least accept my own role in the argument, a spanking won't accomplish anything constructive beyond simply imposing punishment (though, I recognize that alone could serve her purpose.) But, at some point, I almost always come around to accepting my role in causing or escalating the argument and am contrite about it and ready to take what I have coming to move us both past it.
In my journal entry, I suggested she might try doing something Alan I discussed here a couple of weeks ago. I has posted:
“I've wondered whether it would add a distinct humbling element to our usual DD rituals if, instead of her telling me when to get ready for my spanking, she ordered that one would happen in the next day or two, but left it to me to come in and ask for it when I was ready.”
Alan replied:
“We have never done this but I am going to discuss it with my wife. It could
be a powerful tool for her I want her to know about. As I think about it, it
may be some cultures have used something similar as part of the punishment
process.
It does check some boxes. It would almost guarantee that you spent time
thinking about what happened and what is going to happen. The point when you go
to her and say you are ready means you are taking responsibility for the
behavior and ready to pay the price. My former girlfriend liked it when I came
to her after she had decided to punish me. But not so much when I asked for a
spanking or told her I needed one without her first deciding it was going to
happen.”
I think this idea of coming to her when I’m ready to accept responsibility is powerful. Although she could end an argument by ordering a spanking, it would probably work only during the course of fairly minor arguments. When we’re both really angry and in the heat of battle, even if I complied I think I would be incapable of learning any real lesson from it.
But, in those situations
where we’ve both cooled off but I’m not quite contrite yet, I think it would be
very humbling for me and very empowering for her if she told me something like,
“You are going to get spanked, not for the argument itself but for your
attitude and lack of respect. It must happen in the next two days or you will get an additional spanking for each day you make me wait. But, you
come to me and let me know when you are ready for it.”
I think something like that would accelerate my accepting responsibility, since I'm usually on the cusp of doing so anyway. And, it would be incredibly humbling to have to go to her and tell her directly, face to face, that I want her to spank me then and there.
It doesn’t, unfortunately, fit our current situation, where I was very contrite and genuinely sorry from the very beginning, but she may need to stay angry a while.
Just like there is a sweet spot where I’ve
gotten over my anger but haven’t totally moved on from the situation, there
probably is a sweet spot for her where she’s still pissed off at me but has
cooled enough to see spanking as a way to make sure I am not only sorry
but as sorry as she wants me to be and in a place where a spanking may get her
over the anger she’s justifiably carrying instead of possibly reinforcing as
might happen if she spanked when she was still very mad.
Something that did surprise me a bit about both these incidents was how much better I felt just from accepting responsibility, even before any spanking has taken place. Accepting responsibility really is hard. A couple of weeks ago, I talked about a “moderate drinking” app I’ve been using and how weird it was that I found it difficult to be honest in “reporting” to a disembodied app with no power to hand out aversive consequences. I think it’s hard for the simple reason that admitting to ourselves when we’ve screwed up is almost as hard as admitting it to someone else.
Anyway, I don’t have a concise topic description to go along with this but welcome any more thoughts you may have about spanking in anger; being spanked while angry or when not yet accepting responsibility; and, reaching that point where you not only accept responsibility but take the next step and come to her humbly asking for what you have coming.
Have a great week.
ReplyDeleteThree separate points stemming from this week’s post : Firstly, a hard “no” to spanking in anger, she won’t spank until she has cooled down and while I wouldn’t refuse it, I don’t think it would have any beneficial effect on me at that time. I think it could be argued that a spanking amplifies feelings of regret and washes away guilt, and receiving one when feeling anger (assuming this is relating to an argument and not some other transgression) would be before feelings of guilt and regret have had a chance to set in. Secondly, I have asked for a spanking on occasion, but this is more likely to be when I am feeling guilty about something she may not be aware of, and I won’t try and dictate that it’s right now. I think the risk here is that if I try and set the schedule, it can become a chore for her that doesn’t happen to fit with what she’s doing right now. That can end up just increasing her annoyance so I’m far more inclined to leave the timing entirely to her. Finally, regarding your penultimate image this week, I would NEVER buy her flowers (or anything else) after an argument or transgression. This has always seemed to me to be a very cynical act, implying both that I can get away with things by buying flowers and that she is shallow enough that flowers will make it better for her. If I’ve done or said something that needs to be dealt with, it should cost me something - and I don’t mean a few dollars for a bunch of flowers, I means real cost in some way, such as some real pain and a very red butt. Yes, I buy flowers sometimes but at random times for no particular reason. TG
I would never buy flowers as an apology either, and I think if I did, it would go over much like it does in that caption, only worse. She would see it as "Nice try."
DeleteI love the artwork by RedRump and Im excited to hear you are creating a book combining the topics and comments etc!
ReplyDeletePlease let us know as soon as it is available.
This topic is one that has been on my mind lately - spanking in anger. In fact, this weekend, my husband and I are on a little weekend Babymoon getaway and this morning we had a deep discussion about some intense matters. Though we both got angry, there was no disobedience by him or wrong doing by either party. That is, until after the discussion, when he seemed to be snappier and more sarcastic than usual. Perhaps it is the fact that I’m now very pregnant, or the fact that the conversation this morning was emotionally draining but the little snips were too much. I spoke with him about it and he apologized but this is one area I wish my initial first thought would be to spank for his attitude. Like you all discussed however, im not sure it would improve his demeanor or only anger him more at that moment. I suspect he would feel I was abusing my power and taking my emotional frustration out on him.
I'll let you know, but it probably will be a while. It's taking a lot of work to get it all together, edit everything, arrange, etc. And, I've never published anything for sale or distribution, so the whole logistics side is going to be completely new to me. Thankfully, I have a friend who is a very successful kinky romance writer with dozens of published titles. I think she'll be willing and able to help me figure it out.
DeleteYeah, I don't even the disciplinary wives having to figure out how to navigate our moods. In the post, I talked about my anger presenting a timing problem, but it's really more about the level of anger. If there was a minor argument and I was testy, or say I was working on something, got frustrated and got snippy with her, then I think a spanking right then and there would probably be a good thing. The scenario I described in the post was, however, a serious argument, with both of us very mad and both of us dug in. In that case, the timing issue is indirect. I need to time to settle down and eventually accept my role. At that point, the level of anger is way down and I'm prepared to take whatever discipline she decides is appropriate.
Dan,
DeleteI’m right with you on that point. It must be difficult for the wives to know when or when not to discipline. I’ve always said I would never refuse, but can understand in a major fight situation, how DD must be effective. Because we are not in a FLR, it becomes a touchy subject where the wife has to balance between punishment and not abusing her role. I think if I had been punished for getting animated (see below) then, I might have held some resentment towards her as not being supportive. Once I cooled down, it was my actions after the fact on why I’m being thrashed.
T
One tactic that might work in anger situations , especially if the anger on either side is intense, is for her to tell him he "needs" a spanking or will be spanked. But he is to come to her when he is ready. Thai allows for the cooling down process which is very important. And it also put the responsibility on him to knowledge he has earned discipline and is ready to accept it.
DeleteAlan
I have a number of conflicting thoughts on this topic. On the one hand, I kind of want spanking to be based on a real emotion, but on the other hand, I agree that that emotion can't be anger. I agree that when I'm angry, I probably won't be able to show any remorse myself, and punishment wouldn't have much value at this point. At the same time, there cannot be too much time between the act and the consequence, because then the remorse starts to disappear and the punishment becomes ineffective or less effective again. Although I have thought and even told my wife that she could try to end some fights by spanking, but it hasn't happened yet. My wife has ended our disagreements a few times by threatening to spank if I don't stop, and they have worked. On one occasion, I directly asked for spanking myself because of my anxiety and got it, but it is psychologically very difficult. I’ve experienced a couple of times spankings with some real emotion and they have been really memorable. On both occasions I was bratting a little but later she told that she actually does not like bratting.
ReplyDeleteWe had an incident a few days ago at her parents' place where I lost my temper for a while. I wasn't directly to blame, just my reaction was wrong. Later we reconciled, but I was tormented by it. In light of the last posts, I have been thinking that maybe I should go to her myself and tell her that I crossed the line and ask her to punish me for it, and at the time think about the feelings I caused her by my behavior??? Actually I would have another confession to make as well, but Im not sure I have the guts to do that, cause I know what follows :)
You definitely identify the timing issue -- spanking at a time when you're angry is probably ineffective due to resistance, but letting too much time pass means you're no longer feeling any remorse. Though, I do think the latter does still have some impact, because the punishment is still painful and, in the absence of the outright resistance that anger brings, some lesson may be taken up and behavior changed.
DeleteI'm kind of living the thing of being tormented by your own behavior and hoping it is dealt with. Good luck.
If you don't mind Dan I will come to the anger question from a different direction. It is absolutely correct for most couples whose female led DD is established to ensure anger is not part of the spectrum. However, and taking into account what P.P says about spontaneity, for me a instant consequence for really upsetting Mrs GL would be something I'd embrace. I find lingering regret, on top of building worry, can be a form of mental self-harm that it is best to avoid.
ReplyDeleteRegret also leads us to the asking part and all I can usefully share on this is that if you get a positive response to a urgent request for chastisement then you and your other half are probably in a good place. In my case I should be making the case to Mrs GL that the absense of any kind of drive and focus on work, in place a few years now, requires a servere walloping from her to get me out of it. Fear of a no, justified by experience, makes me hold back. Which is a shame. Cheers GLM.
I have mixed feelings about lingering regret. If you really do regret something that should be regretted, sometimes it is good that you have to live with it for a while. Trying to get rid of it could be a way of mentally avoiding feeling the full consequences of your actions. But, it can be destructive if you wallow in it for too long.
DeleteI get the frustration of lack of drive and focus on work. Since I more or less made a decision to take a pause from career knowing it could turn into early retirement, one might think I wouldn't care about like of drive and focus, but it's still a surprisingly big issue. I don't necessarily need a renewed or different career, but I do find I feel very "stuck" when I don't have something career-like to focus on. When we briefly did our "life goals" check-ins, that was all about trying to get me out of that unfocused rut.
First responding to TB’s last comment of the week. I like you just became normalized with the paddling’s at school and church. It got to the point,
ReplyDeleteI refused to cry at school during a paddling. Most kids bawled like babies. As for this weeks topic, I would rather have my wife spank in anger than wait too long after the infraction. We rarely argue and having been together for a long time know each others quirks. I had a work issue this week, that set scheduling back and could have influenced vacation time. It’s something I was clearly upset with and venting to her about. She was in a great mood up till that point and it changed the next day. I asked her what was wrong and she said I was a bit too animated over something I couldn’t control. I became upset because the issue could have affected both of us. She immediately put me in a huff and I stormed off and of course rambled on under my breath. She gave me my space and sent me a text yesterday, saying when you get home today, you need be put back in your place. I just responded yes dear. I’m not getting punished for getting animated over the situation, but for my reaction to her and rambling under my breath. I know I deserve the thrashing but I still find it a bit unfair. I believe I was correct at the moment and believe your spouse should be there to listen. In retrospect, I did ask her to address my attitude and she’s following through on it.
T
T, those last five sentences really illustrate the tension in some of this, doesn't it? Two somewhat opposing things can be true at once. We have what is a legitimate emotional reaction to something, but maybe what we are trying to work on is diminishing those reactions because we know we have a temper problem or just want to get better control of our emotions. So, we ask our wives to help us address it. Yet, when they do, we feel some amount of resentment or fee it's a "bit unfair." But, we DO want them to address attitude and follow through. It sounds like you agree your wife handled it exactly right, even if you resented it as it was happening. It can be a real conundrum, and I think all any of us can do is keep moving through it, communicating about it over and over again.
DeleteIt is amazing how two things can be true at once! My wife followed through this morning on the thrashing. I thought she had forgotten, but unfortunately she did not. We had a commitment early and she made a comment at the appointment. When we get home we are handling the issue immediately. I looked puzzled and then it hit me. She laid into me but good and said that she refused to tolerate my attitude and to get a handle on my emotions. Of course, during the strapping, I said yes dear. I still harbor a bit of resentment, but I get it. I asked for this. At the end of it, she stated she will ramp up the punishment if the lesson isn’t learned. Your bottom will pay the price for your actions. Those words hit home.
DeleteT
"I still harbor a bit of resentment, but I get it. I asked for this." It's pretty rare for me to feel resentful after a spanking (more common after scolding/lecturing), but when I have felt it, it's as you describe: fairly mild, and while recognizing I asked for this.
DeleteI think the variable here is levels of anger. We have been married a long time and we have occasional heated arguments that get to the point where they cause both of us to be upset for a couple of days. Not very often but when they happen they tend to start over some trivial point and blossom into a full on dispute with not very good things being said by both of us. I will usually apologise, she takes longer to calm down but when she does then I usually get a spanking which is often the final piece of the jigsaw that clears the air and gets us back to normal. I have said to her that she could (possibly) short circuit these by spanking as soon as it gets heated but she has said that she is probably to committed and emotional at that point to take that option. The anger in those disputes is probably at the top end of the scale. At the lower end of the scale she will sometimes be cross with me about something that I have said and she has spanked me from that frame of mind. Those have been quite memorable but although she has been 'cross' she has been completely in control of her emotions and it felt right and acceptable for her to take the action that she did.
ReplyDeleteThe only other times where anger has been involved in a spanking is where I have expressed a form of anger - not out of control but (in her view) an unnecessary and unwarranted reaction to something that she has said or done. She calls this my 'little boy tantrum' mood which sees me angry about something and her in control of her emotions. On several of those occasions she has invoked a spanking which when it started (with me still cross) resulted in me stoically accepting, making no sound and trying my hardest to get through it with no reaction. She just carries on until she gets the reaction she wants and each time my anger dissipates. Which is why she often refers to spanking as a 'reset'. TB
I can identify with almost every one of those situations.
DeleteI can think of one instance that matches pretty close to the "little boy tantrum" situation you describe. She didn't deal with it that day, but the next day she gave what I think of as one of her calmest, but also most direct and effective lectures, walking me through point-by-point why my reaction had been inappropriate and, at the end, announced I would be spanked for it.
TB. Love the “little boy tantrum mood.” My wife calls it my four-year-old coming out and is the number one thing that I am trying to address with DD - with some success. TG
DeleteOh, and we also use the reset word TG
DeleteMy wife has used the term, you’re acting like a spoiled rotten brat. I still struggle with the delay in punishment at times. After being punished today, we always talk and I reiterated my commitment to her. Although I harbored resentment, I told her I need to be held accountable and if she feels disrespected or my anger gets the better of me, to please
DeletePunish immediately as opposed to later. I would comply. Like Ann, she doesn’t think of it at the time but I think it would be a game changer and correct behavior quickly. Of course, it’s easier said than done in the heat of the moment.
T
When did being angry automatically lead to loss of control or judgment? If her being mad means she might hurt you, then by all means defer. But if addressing the spanking in the moment helps dissipate her anger w/o subjecting you to any more discomfort than usual, then let the spanking begin. I certainly hope most folks on this site fall into the latter category.
ReplyDeleteIf the problem is you being mad, then you may just need to wait until you've settled down. That might also result in additional penalties, of course. Graham
I don't think anyone said that being angry automatically leads to loss of control or judgment.
DeleteI like that idea of being disciplined for my behavior during a disagreement, regardless of right or wrong.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it takes time for her to recognize and articulate patterns, so the best spankings would be after a delay. Though, I wouldn't object if she came to me two minutes after a fight having processed it and ready to discipline.
For me, while I like it in theory, in practice it's difficult. There are definitely times where Anne's behavior in an argument is as bad as mine or worse, so it's kind of unilateral disarmament for me to get punished if her own actions were just as bad or worse. But, sometimes that's what we've signed up for. And, I do generally believe that over time, most wives who have such unilateral power do try to adjust their own behavior so they aren't routinely doing the same things they are punishing for.
DeleteTB wrote: “She calls this my 'little boy tantrum' mood …me angry about something and her in control of her emotions. On several of those occasions, she has {spanked} starting (with me still cross) …stoically accepting, …trying my hardest to get through …{her continuing to spank}. Until… my anger dissipates. “
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting. We have avoided spanking in those moments when I was red hot because she doesn’t want to trigger defiance and because, in conversation, I have expressed my view that it (spanking) would be counterproductive. (to be clear, I am angry or upset ( as in tantrum behavior); she is calm and under control.
But TB’s comment raises the question of whether we are missing an opportunity. I hate the tantrums, and so does she. And defying her is not very likely. So if she could spank me at that moment, it possibly would be very effective, and she has always been eager to try it. But I have always thought it wouldn’t work (i.e., the anger/upset would not be erased by getting spanked. TB’s comment makes me less sure. This is something she has wanted for a long time to spank me for. And maybe she is right.
Alan
Alan, it wouldn't hurt to give it a try, though my gut tells me that, for me, your current views are right. But, as TB says, it's really a matter of the level of anger involved. If my 'tantrum' is related to something minor, a spanking might correct things and end my attitude problem. Something like, trying to assemble something or fix some mechanical issue -- that situation frequently results in me getting pissed off and letting it show. And, sometimes I can even direct some of it at her if she tries to help. But, that's something where my temper flashes on and very quickly burns out. For any real argument between the two of us, I really doubt I would do more than gut out and resent the spanking unless there was some cooling time.
DeleteDan
DeleteThanks. The counsel is good. My temper escapes are “minor” in your vernacular. Currently, I am having it out with Microsoft. Google is an old adversary, and trying to remove seven layers of packaging from an antihistamine is an annual tilt.
I never express anger toward her, but it can upset her. It's one of a few things we both feel strongly should be subject to discipline, but it doesn’t happen because she doesn’t address it when it occurs. I remain skeptical that TB‘s experience can be replicated, but we will discuss it. I never thought spanking could change my mind either, but that has happened, so I am prepared to be amazed.
Alan
Having thought this anger topic through a bit further, I am clear that in our relationship, that I have only been spanked when I'm angry and she is not. She might have done it when she has been a bit 'cross' but for me that is a 2 or a 3 on the anger scale of 10 - completely under control, just irritated with me. The times when I have been angry (having my 'little boy tantrums') she has only taken action if that mood has been directed towards her in any way. If I have snapped at her or been sarcastic that is not acceptable. I remember seething with impotence as she took me upstairs, her quite calm, me in tantrum mode annoyed with everything. I also remember resisting the pain as she strapped, resisting and remaining angry until the pain overtook the anger. Maybe it is not possible for me to be both angry and in considerable spanking discomfort (!) but on the occasions when that has happened I clearly remember my own mood changing halfway into the spanking. I felt much calmer and very chastised when she had finished. It may be that at those times I had been at my least consenting because of my own mood and by implication she was at her most controlling. Those spankings are amongst the most memorable probably because they felt and still feel, the most real, the most loss of control. In addition there was very little discussion or lecturing before, during or immediately after - she just got to it, executed and then told me to 'pull myself together'... TB
Delete"Seething with impotence . . ." I love that description.
DeleteIt is odd how pain and anger seem very incompatible on some level. Maybe pain focuses internally, while anger is almost by definition outwardly facing?
"It may be that at those times I had been at my least consenting because of my own mood and by implication she was at her most controlling." Another great observation.
Being in an FLR not just a DD relationship, My wife has taken me and spanked me when she was angry. She has also done it when we were both angry and I thought I was right in an argument. When my wife chooses to spank mid argument or when she is upset in the moment it is very fast moving. I have very little time to digest what is happening as I am being marched to either the basement den or our bedroom before I find myself bent over the couch or bed getting scolded and whooped. At that point the argument is over. One thing I have noticed is in that short time leading up to the spanking in those times and the spanking itself, my anger or feeling of being right usually dissipates very quickly. I have a sudden feeling of nervousness/fear and of being in trouble. I usually recognize I lost my place and disrespected the authority in my relationship. my wife is not just my wife but she is the hoh and can say things to me I cannot to her, its not even. It is a huge attitude adjustment. Also so far, even if I felt dug in and right in the argument there has not been a time for me where by the time the spanking is over I haven't had a new perspective and realize what my wife was trying to communicate and that she was right but I was not listening. The ego and temper was in the way. So Dan I think before the first time that happened I probably would have also thought I wouldn't have learned a lesson getting spanked angry or while I thought I was right but I found that the spankings are shockingly effective at changing perspective and fixing bad attitudes. Also while my wife has been very angry during a few times I have been disciplined it has never affected her ability to be a good disciplinarian or cross into anything abusive or inappropriate. The spankings do tend to be more severe when she is upset but they are appropriate and deserved in hindsight. - DD
ReplyDeleteI said above that, to me, it was the intensity of the anger (mine) that suggests waiting to spank, but your and TB's comments certainly give me cause to think that my gut reaction about where that "intensity" bar is set may be off. You said, "So Dan I think before the first time that happened I probably would have also thought I wouldn't have learned a lesson getting spanked angry or while I thought I was right but I found that the spankings are shockingly effective at changing perspective and fixing bad attitudes." I've always known that they had that sometimes almost mystical power AFTER I had settled down, but maybe this is an area where what my intuition tells me should be the case just isn't. That happens sometimes.
DeleteIt does sound like your experience hinges a lot on your wife reacting instantaneously and taking action immediately. I think that would still be a big problem in experiencing what you describe, because for whatever reason, when Anne gets angry she simply doesn't think about spanking as a tool to use in that moment. I've asked her why she doesn't spank more for attitude and disrespect, and she says that, in that moment, it simply doesn't occur to her.
DD's comments articulate more accurately what I have experienced (although sounds a bit more extreme). I also recognise that feeling of 'Uh, oh - I've done it now' knowing that I have crossed the line at the wrong time. TB
DeleteThere was only one time my wife spanked me in anger. It was one of the most intense and memorable spankings I ever got -- more for the emotions involved than the severity of the spanking. I wasn't angry, but she was, and emptied all of that emotion into punishing my bottom.
ReplyDeleteRecently, she was angry and kept mentioning she should smack me, but I never said anything, and she never told me to go get the implements -- so the moment passed. Later, I asked if I should have just brought out the implements, and she said yes. Maybe this would help since she seems to have trouble initiating at times.
I'm going to suggest the method of coming to her when I'm ready to ask for a spanking, but I wonder if that will work for us. The bigger problem is figuring out when she is ready to deliver a spanking.
For me, the problem with that would be followthrough. I often think about telling her that she should spank me for something, then I don't. For it to work, I think it would have to follow some direction from her to tell her when I was ready, in relation to a specific spanking.
DeleteFor some reason, each time I attempt to comment my comment gets rejected, seemingly automatically before it ever gets through to be curated. My comment here is that my wife hated giving me spankings no matter how much I explained why it was ok to hurt me. However there was one exception: the time she was truly angry at me and wanted to punish me. And boy, was it ever a doozy: paddle, cane and rubber strap. As hard as she could muster with each of these. I use a VPN and perhaps that's why my comments never seem to get through and make it on to the website. Yep: "Failed to publish, try again later."
ReplyDeleteThis time it worked! I wonder what's up.
ReplyDeleteThat was an intriguing idea brought up at the beginning, when Alan was commenting on the idea of his wife asking him to let her know when he was ready for a spanking. We have not explored that yet, but I will bring it up soon. Even though it is very difficult for me to ask for a spanking, I have told her many times when I needed one because of something I did. My letting her know is part of our DD declaration, which we usually read before every check in to remind us of what we are doing and why we are doing it. I feel it is my responsibility to be honest with her, and it is her responsibility to hold me accountable.
ReplyDeleteBesides anger and frustration, what other negative emotions might our wives employ or experience in punishing us? Disgust, resentment, fear? A maternal feeling of guilt, perhaps?
ReplyDeleteI think it's pretty rare for mine to have negative emotions while spanking. It's pretty clear that she's come to enjoy the power it gives her.
Delete