“Get comfortable with being uncomfortable!” - Jillian Michaels
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. We miss having you around.
As previously announced, I wasn’t planning to post this week. But, I seem to have recovered enough from my bout of illness that I can string some semi-coherent thoughts together. And, in an indication of how fuzzy my thinking process had been, it turns out we aren’t traveling this week but, rather, next week. It is such a good thing that I have a smart Disciplinary Wife who actually can use a calendar without screwing it up.
There’s not a lot to highlight from last week’s discussion, which is probably to be expected for a topic that focused on the relatively narrow issue of instruments. However, sometimes a particular comment resonates with me enough to call it to everyone’s attention in case they missed it. Last week, it was this from Mark, in discussing the cane:
“Very like at school though, the ritual is compelling. You voluntarily bend over with both of you knowing that you are about to experience extreme pain, that your bottom is going to be marked with red hot raised welts, and that you will have visible bruising that will make sitting uncomfortable for a week. And then it starts.”
In just three sentences, he perfectly captured what a real disciplinary session is like for many of us. What jumped out to be was the “with both of your knowing . . .” line. When you get a true disciplinary punishment for the first time, you may not understand what you’re in for. But, you sure do afterward. And, for each session after that, you voluntarily submit. Similarly, the wife knows what it is she is about to deliver but also that it is beneficial and needed. Great stuff. Something about the respective postures of the couple in this drawing by Leondardo seems to me to exemplify two parties who are fully aware of the seriousness of what she is about to deliver and he is about to take.
As I mentioned when announcing I wasn’t going to post this week, I was struggling with an episodic health issue that I’ve had for well over a decade. I wrote about it a bit back in 2021, when I was transitioning out of my career:
“So, life is getting back to normal. Unfortunately, so is some of my bad behavior. After many weeks of relative temperance, I fell off the wagon. To some extent, that’s happening because I’ve been in the process of transitioning away from work and that has itself led to a surge in socializing. But, I do not want my new normal to look like my old normal. And, honestly, I really can’t let it. For years I’ve had to deal periodically with some nagging health issues, basically a constellation of “chronic fatigue” or fibromyalgia-like symptoms, with periodic bouts of fatigue, joint pain, digestive problems, etc. The irritating thing is, lately even when I am relatively good on average, if I have one slip-up on diet or drinking or exercise, everything seems to go to shit. It’s like I must live like a Buddhist monk just to have a shot at feeling somewhat healthy. It really is irritating as all fuck, though I suspect I have myself to blame, thanks to burning the candle at both ends for so many years. Even back in high school I was living like I was on borrowed time. I suspect when you spend 40 years digging an energetic hole, it takes more than a few months of relatively healthy behavior to pull yourself back out again.”
I could get down on myself and say that the more things change, the more they stay the same. But, getting off the 24/7 work hamster wheel did help. I no longer have quite as stark a choice between living like a monk or suffering the consequences. And, I don’t really know whether this time it was some lifestyle flubs that led to a flare-up. I did have one day where I had too many beers and ate too many fatty, unhealthy meals. But, I was starting to feel “off” even before that.
However, I can’t help wondering whether, with better behavior resulting from stricter discipline, I might have avoided the problem altogether.
It’s in that vein that I bring up something ZM said that I highlighted in that blog entry back in 2021:
“DD for health-related things is a very good idea. While it might seem a bit extreme to give a spanking for missing a pill or two, often these small patterns are what ultimately lead to poor health. An extra piece of cake or two here, not getting enough exercise this week because life got busy, not taking medicine when needed, etc. Since the marriage long term kind of requires both partners to be alive, I think it is a totally valid use of DD to help ensure that your spouse will be around for many happy and healthy years to come.”
So, that’s the topic for this week. Have you used domestic discipline to foster better health?
If so, how exactly did you go about doing it? What kind of system, if any, did you put in place?
How did you track compliance? Was it reliant on self-reporting, or were there other ways for her to track how you were doing?
Was the focus on health inputs, e.g., diet, exercise, taking medication, etc.?
Or, was it more results-oriented,
like getting punished if you didn’t take off enough weight or didn’t succeed in
lowering cholesterol or blood pressure? I know I have a tendency to focus on whether I've "followed the rules," i.e. did I work out, did I eat healthy, often to find the scale didn't budge. Let's face it, we often have a tendency to cheat or slack off, or we aren't properly motivated to discover what actually budges the needle for us. So, maybe it would be better to take a "bottom line" approach, assessing whether the goals were actually met?
And, was using DD to address health issues something you initiated, or did the idea come from her? In the big scheme of things, I agree with ZM that a wife would be very justified in imposing such a system. There are all sorts of fairly trivial things that a wife may decide to use DD to address.
I have to admit my own dietary
goals have often been as much about vanity as health, which is probably kind of pointless at this age. No matter how much I exercise, I doubt there is a new career was an underwear model in my future.
But, doing what you can to ensure your spouse is around for years to come seems like a very worthwhile goal.
I hope you have a great week. Before I go, speaking of healthy living . . .
Dan, glad that you are feeling better. Hope you continue to improve quickly!
ReplyDeleteDD for healthy living is a topic close to my heart. I believe it helps me in many ways, but one way in particular. I am unfortunately sometimes prone to depression for many reasons that we need not go into now. When I get depressed, I also get cynical and a little short tempered. When Domino sees me trending that way she has learned that if she acts quickly it can be derailed.
She has many different accessories from which she choses to administer DD. She tailors my DD in this way. When she sees me moving toward depression she selects her most pain inflicting accessory, a 25 fall leather flogger with steel studs. I am made to strip and bend over the back of the couch. There she administers the discipline. When she tells me it is time for me to be disciplined for sliding into depression, I don't like it and it makes me a little angry, but I of course comply.
Now the amazing thing is that when she has finished disciplining me, my depression has completely lifted, and my unpleasant attitude has been replaced with a burning desire to please her. I don't know what a therapist would say, but I don't care because it works for us. She usually follows this with lighter preventative DD for the next few days just to "keep my mind right."
I can't explain it or why it works but it has made a major difference in our life. It has allowed me to stop taking antidepressants and instead of going into a two week slide down the vortex of depression and then having to climb out, it is over in 10 minutes.
I cannot overstate what a difference this has made in our life. She has said a number of times that she wished she had known about this 30 years ago.
I am happy to answer any questions relating to this that may come to your mind.
Hi Antonio. Thanks for joining in!
DeleteWhen I wrote this post, I wasn't really thinking about mental health. But, that's one thing I love about the conversations here -- discussions lead to insights that weren't on my radar.
"I don't know what a therapist would say, but I don't care because it works for us." I'm sure many of them would have a problem with even suggesting physical discipline. But, let's face it, there are a huge variety of negative mental states and a huge variety of causes. And, the long term data on the effectiveness of anti-drepressants seems to be pretty sketchy, particularly if instead of a binary "does it work?" you judge whether they work as good or better than physically-based "treatment" like getting more exercise, getting outside and walking in the forest, etc.
And, sometimes we just let ourselves get into a bad mood, right? I certainly let myself give in to cynicism, anger at particular people or situations, etc. I think it's notable that al's Even More story, which I published here a few weeks ago, begins with a wife deciding to deal with a husband's bad mood.
In any event, thanks for sharing and for taking the discussion in a direction I hadn't thought about.
Greetings! I believe one can find some bona fide research that spanking can help some people with depression. As I recall, the sources were foreign and not examined by American experts. But I would not be surprised by those results for many if not all who suffer from depression. Noting that I'm certainly no doctor!
DeleteGraham
We don't have a specific regime in dealing with me in an off mood, but both of us have noted that a spanking definitely resets my mood for the better.
DeleteMy wife hasn't really noted (to me) whether it resets my mood, but it does.
DeleteAntonio, welcome, and, that's amazing. I'm happy for you. Reminds me of ice bath or cold shock regimes, which some have reported to have similar benefits, and are also uncomfortable.
DeleteI wouldn't say I suffer from depression but I really like the energy after a spanking.
I need this! We have talked about it and she is trying to control my diet but without real consequences for eating sweets behind her back it's just not working. I do all the cooking so I usually decide what to make for meals we use to eat vegan which really helped both of us but due to life changes we just have not been able to get back to it. I do want her to spank me when I sneak thing behind her back. I will be having that discussion with her but we are working on one thing at a time and lately I have a real issue with back talking her. That's the focus rightnow.
ReplyDeleteI have gotten two hard spankings in the last week and have been working hard the last few days to avoid another. Once she feels that it's under control I intend to talk to her about working with me on my sweet tooth.
Ward
Given that the problem is sneaking something behind her back, what are your thoughts on how to ensure she knows when you've done it?
DeleteIt's simple! I know the one thing my wife will punish me for harsher than anything else is lying to her. I will confess if she ask. She could also tell me that I have to report any cheating or sneaking every night. Believe me I know better than to fail to tell her the truth.
DeleteAh, got it. I think if asked directly, I probably, though not to a certainty, would tell the truth. But, I doubt I would proactively reporting cheating if I went to the trouble of cheating in the first place.
DeleteYes it would be hard to self report and she would have to enforce it. I don't know that she would on a consistent basis. We have a lot of discussions about consistency because she is quick to forget. For example she got after me for back talking earlier in the day. Now as part of our retirement we moved into an RV and travel every few weeks. Travel days are particularly hard for me. She usually gives me a maintenance spanking the night before to help me have a more positive attitude about it. When it came time I expected an extended lecture and additional swats for the incident today. She didn't bring it up and when I did she said she forgot about it. So I don't think self reporting would really work.
DeleteWe bought an RV after retirement but don't live in it. It may be ironic that I was the one who bought it, because I'm not a particularly good traveler. I get cranky easily, particularly when I don't sleep well, and it's tough to sleep well with two adults and dogs packed into a van.
DeleteWe do use DD for a single health benefit... I am automatically caned if either of us smoke. Since this was instigated, I have been caned for this reason once (I haven't had a single puff of a cigarette since). I find the cane sufficiently scary that the thought stops me in my tracks.
ReplyDeleteThis cause and effect is very black and white and so easy to administer. For us I think that neither of us would be likely to monitor and punish for things like lack of exercise or overeating. I wouldn't mind if I was similarly prohibited from alcohol, but as my wife likes a drinking buddy I can't see that happening...
I quit smoking after I met my wife but before we discovered DD, but only after several aborted attempts. I do wonder whether I would have quit earlier had I been with her and if punishment spankings had been in her repertoire at that time.
DeleteI recall a couple of instances when I was spanked for health related reasons. The first was quite a few years ago when I was procrastinating about arranging for a physical exam. I was still in my 20s and feeling invincible. My wife was the one who insisted and became more vocal about it when a friend our age developed some serious issues. The more I ignored her, the more determined she became. Eventually, she gave me a very sound spanking and told me there would be another one if I didn't set up an appointment the next day. That got me motivated and once on a schedule, I've had no problem keeping it up.
ReplyDeleteMore recently, I was punished for poor eating habits. Beth noticed that I wasn't taking the fresh nutritious food that she bought for my workplace lunch. Instead I was going to the many fast food establishments in that area. It was mostly laziness on my part and no amount of cajoling from her helped. It took a spanking for me to change my habits for the better, with very little backsliding.
Those are my examples of my wife knowing how to motivate me for what's in my own best interest.
Kevin
Great examples! I seem to do my annual physicals every other year. So, Beth's solution is one I probably could use as well.
DeleteSPANKING AND HEALTH
ReplyDeleteFor me, spanking, in the context of a loving female-led disciplinary relationship ( DD), is virtually a miracle drug. First and foremost, it satisfies a deep, powerful need that can only be repressed or suppressed but never extinguished. Fulfilling such a need is ipso facto an enormous contributor to physical and mental health. If speaking did nothing more than fulfill that need, it would do more for health than just about any other single medical intervention could do.
But it can do even more than that - as has been mentioned, there is loads of anecdotal evidence ( and some clinical data) that symptoms of depression can be relieved or even resolved with spanking. I find the accumulating evidence on mild to moderate depression to be convincing. (Although we want to be careful about implying spanking can treat more rooted and complex mental health issues such as PTSD or even forms of psychosis. I know of no credible evidence that spanking can positively impact the more profound emotional issues.
But, if spanking can treat depression, then it likely could have similar effects on anxiety, one of the most common forms of emotional angst today. Colloquially, the two are sometimes referred to as “ two sides of the same coin.” And although they don’t necessarily manifest together in any one person, their root causes are closely related. I personally have had bad moods and bad attitudes lifted by being spanked. And I have no trouble imagining how anxiety could be dissipated if one was facing an imminent spanking with the trepidation that usually accompanies such imminence
Continuing in this vein, speaking only for myself, I believe I have some significant unconscious guilt, and spanking discipline ends it, albeit not forever. Guilt is a heavy physical and psychic load to carry and arguably the cause of much depression and anxiety If disciplinary spanking relieves that, even temporarily, it makes an immeasurable contribution to health
One more reason I believe spanking promotes better mental health is the positive effect it has on the relationships of people who try it. Your relationship with your SO is likely the most important factor in your day-to-day emotional well-being, and anything that promotes or protects that is a huge factor in one’s mental well-being.
A few words about physical health. Spanking contributed to my quitting smoking, and it today allows my wife to manage my alcohol intake so I do not fall back into unhealthy drinking habits. The smoking cessation mostly happened with my former GF. Spanking was only one of the tools used. I used a nicotine patch and was motivated to do it by her intense dislike of smoking. But her absolute commitment to beat my ass black and blue ( if she had to) convinced me to see it through.
Direct physical health benefits from spanking probably need to be combined with personal motivation and even palliative drugs. In trying to overcome a harmful habit or adopt new healthful habits, it's not the fear of punishment if you fail as much as knowing any retributive spanking is done with love and caring, and you don’t want to let her down. Perhaps no time reveals a woman's love more than when she speaks to guard or improve your health.
Alan
"One more reason I believe spanking promotes better mental health is the positive effect it has on the relationships of people who try it. Your relationship with your SO is likely the most important factor in your day-to-day emotional well-being, and anything that promotes or protects that is a huge factor in one’s mental well-being."
DeleteThat's a really great point.
As I said above, I too quit smoking, but it was one of the hardest things I've done. It's one of the few bad habits that I've never relapsed on after quitting, largely because 20 years after the fact, I still remember how hard it was to go cold turkey. I do think that if DD had been in the picture, it would have given me the extra motivation to quit sooner and without having to deploy quite as much sheer willpower.
I'm similar Dan, I quit in 1991 but had been known to have one now and again to be friendly (totalling 1 or 2 a year). And my wife likewise. It was one of those things that we didn't need to do and shouldn't have been doing...threat of a big stick has drawn a line under it!
DeleteI haven't had an actual cigarette since I quite over 30 years ago. I have had a tiny number of cigars on special occasions, but basically enjoyed the flavor and didn't really inhale. Thankfully, each time I woke up smelling it coming out of my pores.
DeleteYep, that's me too. Stink the next day even after a single cigarette.
DeleteExcellent post, Alan - it really resonated. You wrote:
ReplyDelete>" I personally have had bad moods and bad attitudes lifted by being spanked"<
I can vouch for the same - many, many times over the years, my wife giving me a sound spanking has immediately improved an irritable attitude or a "funky mood".
I have never smoked and I've never had a problem with alcohol (I have a social drink on occasion - maybe a bit more under special circumstances). I do watch my diet and exercise regularly - although there is always room for improvement. Since there were no pressing physical health issues, we've never really even considered spanking discipline to enforce healthy habits (or discourage unhealthy ones).
However - although I have no "clinical" mental health issues, like most people, I do experience some "mild situational depression" now and then and have always tended to become irritable a bit too easily. And, as I mentioned above, I have found that a sound spanking almost always helps with both of those issues. --al
I do drink to excess, but I don't get situational depression. So, maybe I need to drink less and you need to drink more and it would all balance out. :-)
DeleteHi Al,
DeleteIts good to see you commenting more often, Your posts are always filled with insight.
Alan
There is one irony in this article: one of the pictures depicts Chrissy Watts, an Eastenders character who was famous for murdering her husband Den. Was that an intentional irony?
ReplyDeleteJ
Definitely not, since I haven't heard of Chrissy Watts or Eastenders. Which picture?
DeleteThe one with the curly-haired woman in the black top with the folded arms.
DeleteJ
We tracked inputs, both positively and negatively. I used screen and food tracking software to automate as much as I could. Reporting to my wife for DD actually helped me better track important habits without it being too much of a daily chore.
ReplyDeleteEspecially early on, it was quite a feeling to see some of those performance numbers get sent to my wife. They felt more real than the numbers when I was trying to track myself privately. I would look at the notification that was auto-emailed to both of us and think, "wow. I can't redo my day. I am going to be spanked tonight, and we both know it so I can't back out." It's like the bending over action in the opening quote and drawing.
"I would look at the notification that was auto-emailed to both of us and think, "wow. I can't redo my day." I understand what you mean. During brief moments when we've had a reporting mechanism of some sort in place, it sometimes included an email calendar reminder. Whenever it would arrive, my heart would jump into my throat; there was a certain inevitability associated with it.
DeleteThis is probably the most realistic way that DD could have substantive meaning, not be contrived, and work in my life and marriage. All I would need is that my wife be into disciplinary spanking. I have health problems that I am not as irresponsible about as I could be, but I could do better. At the same time, she tries to help, even gently scolds when there's an issue about something health-related. So how could it not help more if she was like an old-fashioned mom who spoke softly but carried a big stick? She would be righteously powerful and nurturing, punishing only for my own good. Not only would I be healthier, life would be more exciting as well.
ReplyDelete"So how could it not help more if she was like an old-fashioned mom who spoke softly but carried a big stick?" Good image.
DeleteI am very much in the camp that mood and mental health improve dramatically after chastisement. It manifests itself after a Mrs GL maintenance session in a chirpy almost gaiety approach. Sometimes, like this week, it's reflected in being calmness personified but that tends to need a real disciplinarians touch. I engaged in that world for the first time in over a year last week, another new person to experience. Like nearly all of my previous experiences it had some interesting nuances. I was spanked, hairbrushed, bath-brushed, skippered, leather paddled, caned and a modern twist on the Birch (which I actually really enjoyed). Have spent the week ensuring the tell-tale physical signs are not noticed by Mrs GL but I am wasting my time trying to disguise the mood clues. Cheers GLM.
ReplyDeleteSlippered not skippered.
DeleteJL here I also find when I am cranky and in a down mood " pity party " my wife will say I know what little Jerry needs . Most of the time I tend to snap out of it without the spanking, but that is the last warning if she feels I am still mooping around she will orde me upstairs for a discipline session. This includes a session been over the bed with her bath brush and at least 15 minutes of bare bottom cornertime. I must admit as painful and humiliating as it is I usually feel much better afterwards.
ReplyDelete"Most of the time I tend to snap out of it without the spanking . . ."
DeleteSounds like a very wise policy. ;-)
Not so much health issues here as both of us enjoy fairly good health for our ages. The DD aspect has been used for insuring I take my required medications. It was a part of our original list of punishable offenses. We originally prescribed a specific number of swats for each pill I missed. The number of swats increased for repeat offenses. Recently, and partly because my medications have been reduced by my doctors, we no longer use the specific number of swats per pill, but she delivers a good spanking whenever I forget either my morning or evening pills. Remembering is easier at home, but when travelling or in a restaurant, especially with friends around, I tend to forget more often. When returning home, I tend to remember, but if not, she will ask, 'Did you take your pills?' I would never lie and even if I take them at that time I am spanked for forgetting. Now there are times I totally forget and then I do confess to her and actually bring an implement with me when I confess.
ReplyDeleteThis year, we are both going to try to lose some additional weight we have acquired over the last few ears. We have not discussed it yet, but I would imagine some sort of spanking would provide a great incentive for me.
Weight is probably the prototypical health-related example I was thinking of when writing the post. I could use some work on it myself. I lost a lot of weight after retirement, but have inched up since. Nowhere close to where I was before, but still higher than I'd like. And, it's not so much the weight itself. It's because the weight is a reflection of poor dietary choices--too many burgers and fries, too much sugar, too much snacking--that may have negative health effects separate and apart from gaining weight.
DeleteDan, How would this work? Spanking for lack of weight drop? A certain goal not reached? Discipline issued at the time of the cause.... spanked for unhealthy snacks?
DeleteI like the idea but it would seem to come with all sorts of complexity. In my case, I need to lose some weight and would like a regime in place that would help in the way that our cigarette rules do. But my wife also needs to lose weight. I think that it would take a very confident woman to be able to administer punishment for a failure to lose weight.
DeleteThat was really what I wanted to hear from the group -- should discipline focus on the inputs (not exercising enough, eating too many snacks, poor food choices, etc.) or on failure to meet the desired outcome (weight loss, some physical fitness goal, lower cholesterol, etc.). I don't have a strong opinion and could argue it both ways. In my case, my bodyfat composition is lower than the majority of men my age, yet some of diet choices are less than ideal. So, maybe the focus should be on the inputs. But, if I have decided to use weight as one measure of health, perhaps there should be a spanking for not meeting it, regardless of inputs.
DeleteYes, a punishment could ensue for not meeting a weight goal, obviously would require a scheduled review date, and then a discussion/agreement/dictate on what the next time/date review would be and a likely a new goal each time.
DeleteIf we are measuring snack consumption, there is a shared responsibility depending on what is available in the house, and a requirement of confession/interrogation to determine what had been consumed outside the house. In my case this could be useful because if we are having people over, and we do quite often, my wife will put out lots of snacks and I have little wontpower if they are right in front of me.
Finally, the exercise requirements could pretty easily be assessed and failures punished. No silver bullet but all of the above could help if she was on board.
In our case, she would regulate herself in her own way. I, on the other hand would be held accountable by her. Input related would be more difficult. Spanked when eating a donut? I feel a goal related system would work better for us. I am in the habit of weighing myself every Monday morning.. How about something like this. No actual number or amount, but as long as my weight is lower than the previous Monday, no spanking will be given. For a weight equal or greater than the previous Monday, a sound spanking will be administered. This continues until a final acceptable weight is reached. What does everyone think???
DeleteSC: "No actual number or amount, but as long as my weight is lower than the previous Monday, no spanking will be given." I really like the simplicity of that. Also, I think one reason people fail at fat loss is they set unrealistic goals. For most people, a pound a week is probably about the best you can realistically shoot for.
DeleteMark: "If we are measuring snack consumption, there is a shared responsibility depending on what is available in the house . . ." This has become a bigger and bigger issue for us. One would think that we would get better at resisting temptation as we get older, but that's not the case for me, particularly where food is concerned. Anne likes baking, but the reality is that over the years she has developed more self control in that area than I have, so the way it ends up is she bakes and I eat. She also is very resistant to throwing out Christmas and Halloween goodies after the holiday is over. It's fine for her because she may have one or two pieces of candy a day, but if they are on open display I'll have five. I really don't have a good understanding of why things have developed that way for me. When I was younger, I didn't have much of a sweet tooth, but now as soon as the sugar hits my system, it's like crack cocaine.
I think that its better for both of us if its not in the house! My issue with a pound a week is that my weight fluctuates more than that daily. Depending on when I was weighed I'd be getting a spanking even on a week where I'd done everything right!
DeleteI think that's the crux of the choice between inputs and outputs. If you choose the latter, there will undoubtedly be times when you think you did everything right, but don't get the desired results, so you get spanked. But, I also know from experience that many times when I say I've done everything right, when I really think about it there were "slips," like visiting the pantry a few too many times. Also, focusing on results may also encourage you to more fully explore what works and what doesn't or look for ways you are sabotaging yourself. A few years ago, I started using a food-tracking app, and at first I couldn't figure out why I was almost always going way over my calorie count even though I was eating "healthy." Eventually, I noticed how many calories where in the handful of almonds or other nuts I routinely ate. Turns out, a cup of almonds, while healthy, has about as many calories as a Big Mac. If I had been getting spanked for not hitting weight goals, maybe I would have figured that out sooner.
DeleteWard said: “I will confess if she asks…. Believe me, I know better than to fail to tell her the truth.”
ReplyDeleteThis may be a separate topic, but I wonder how common it is for wives or girlfriends to ask regularly, during scolding, or while having a “discussion,” etc., about behavior she may not have witnessed. Both women who have disciplined me have used versions of it and it is a game changer for me when used to work on a particular behavior.
Like Ward, I confess if she directly asks about behavior that I would never self-report. Lying of any kind is not an option when she asks. Part of it is just the insanity of being untruthful when I have asked for discipline, and part of it is just the utter power she assumes in asking: “Have you been obedient?”
But the greatest impact on me comes from the message that she cares about the behavior and will use her authority to control or stop it. Caring about the behavior is why I respond so positively to being asked. If a woman wants to modify male behavior-- making her expectations clear and then asking regularly if he has been obedient—is a sure path to success ( at least if the culprit is me)
Alan
Alan, I was already thinking of doing a topic on something like the role of "interrogation" in DD. So, great minds . . .
DeleteDD for us is just not in the cards when it comes to health. As my wife told me multiple times before, I’m not your Mother. If you decide to drink to excess like a fool, that’s your prerogative. I don’t drink daily, but when I do we like to consume more than the average person on a night. My wife knows how to toe the line, but us guys together do not. We never get obnoxious but recently, I’ve began to find it not as
ReplyDeletemuch fun anymore. Case in point, I got together with the crew and watched our friends do some beers and shots and I didn’t partake as heavily as the others. I felt like a million bucks the next morning. My friends did not. I went for a checkup and my DR. stated my numbers were slightly elevated and you should toe the line. I just don’t feel DD would help me toe the line w food and alcohol consumption. I think you have to be able to want to get healthier.
I’ve been in a gym routine for years and I did approach my wife last year about holding be accountable for health. She flatly refused. She wants to keep DD strictly for attitude and disrespect.
Although she is maternal is some aspects, she definitely doesn’t want to, as she states, become a nag or control all aspects of my life.
T
"I don’t drink daily, but when I do we like to consume more than the average person on a night." Same here. I don't drink remotely close to daily, but I'm very prone to bingeing on the days I do drink. Worse, I tend to come home after an event and decide I want to watch a movie by myself, which is usually accompanied by two or three more drinks. I also have a tendency to like to revisit my 1980s and early 1990s MTV playlists. It all adds up to some very bad mornings. Yet, I have zero physical desire for alcohol on those days that I don't drink at all. For me, it's more like I don't have an "off switch."
Delete"I think you have to be able to want to get healthier." I think that's true, though I do think having an "accountability partner" can help. When Anne decided she needed to lose weight, she worked with dietician who does sessions at our gym. The dietician's plan helped, but I think her success was more about the monitoring and discussions she had with the dietician.
Women react very differently to the whole "maternal" thing. Your wife is adamant that she doesn't want to be your mother. I used to assume mine felt that way, but as we've been more open about it, it's become clear that she actually gravitates to that maternal archetype.