“But that intimacy of mutual embarrassment, in which each feels that the other is feeling something, having once existed, its effect is not to be done away with.” - George Eliot
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline and/or Female Led (FLR) relationships.
Once again, before we get started, I would like to extend a specific invitation to any of our female readers, if they still exist, to move from “lurker” to “commenter” status. While I’ve always said the blog is open to both men and women, one of our commenters suggested I expressly invite our female readers to join the discussion. Please consider the invitation enthusiastically extended.
I hope you all had a great holiday season. If responses to my New Years post was any indication, most of you were occupied with better things. That post usually draws a lukewarm response, at best, but this year may represent a new low.
In any event . . . onward into 2024.
Well, one last thing regarding aspirations for the new year. After the New Years post, I saw this, which of the captions and artwork in my “New Years resolutions” collection, probably best represents my views about what the new year should hold for our domestic discipline arrangement.
No big
new rules. Rather, a stricter application of the existing rules coupled with
less tolerance for my efforts to get out of what I have richly earned. I also liked the reference to how having
rules makes me feel like my life is more under conrol . . . even if it is really
all about someone else’s control.
Now, let’s get right to the
first topic of 2024. I find myself not
much more inspired than I was at the end of 2023, so I must again rely on one
of your suggestions, specifically this one from GH:
“I also have a suggestion
for a possible future topic arising from last week’s discussion. There was some
discussion of the possibility of house guests spotting spanking implements like
large hairbrushes with no hair in the bristles and possibly drawing conclusions.
Spanked Cowboy said that in his case the person would not have to draw
conclusions because his wife keeps an actual spanking paddle hanging on the
wall, and a smaller one in her purse, and there would be no doubt about their
purpose. I wanted to ask Spanked Cowboy whether that open display of a spanking
paddle means that their family and friends all know his wife spanks him, but I
was late getting to it. That suggested to me a possible “what if” topic for
everyone. What if guests, whether family or friends, came to your house and
spotted a spanking paddle, either displayed on purpose or left out
accidentally. What conclusions do you suppose they would draw based on their
familiarity with you and your wife? Would they conclude it was just a kinky
toy, or would they surmise it was for serious DD? Also, if they guessed that it
was for real DD, would they know whether you or your wife was the one who gets
spanked, based on public aspects of your relationship? Just an idea.”
Alan and Spanked Cowboy were the only ones who gave substantive responses, and others may not have seen them over the holidays.
SC: I too am late responding to you. Some of our friends know of our lifestyle and have accepted it, others do not know. None of my family knows for sure, but I think one brother has an idea. All her family knows, some have witnessed and her late sister-in-law actually spanked me herself. We do not broadcast our FLR but if anyone, family or friends, should 'discover' it, I do my best to explain the benefits of an FLR and DD living. I am a spanked male submissive and not ashamed of it.
HAPPY NEW YEAR to all.
Alan: “GH wrote: "Also, if they guessed that it was for real DD, would they know whether you or your wife was the one who gets spanked"
Almost certainly they would guess it was her, despite the fact that she is very assertive, confident and has a very successful career managing large numbers of people.
And that they would, points to the huge reality gap between what women actually do or can do --and what our patriarchy obsessed culture expects. This cultural " fairy tale" probably also contributes to the relatively low percentage of males who actually seek female led DD, as opposed to the apparently enormous numbers who fantasize about female led DD.
Here are my own answers.
“Would they conclude it was just a kinky toy, or would they surmise it was for serious DD?”
Although there is no way to know, my best guess is they would assume it was a kinky toy, not because of anything they know about our particular relationship but, rather, simply because I’m not sure how many people out there even realize that “serious DD” is a thing. Until I stumbled on the Disciplinary Wives Club, I’d never heard of “real” adult corporal punishment, and I doubt that many others are aware of it today.
In fact, when I was growing up, I'm sure if someone saw a paddle left out or hanging on a wall, no one would have assumed it was used on either parent but, rather, by them on misbehaving juvenile bottoms.
“If they guessed that it was for real DD, would they know whether you or
your wife was the one who gets spanked, based on public aspects of your
relationship?”
This one depends a lot on the identity of the guest. I suspect that many of our friends might have a hard time envisioning me on the receiving end, because the same brashness that gets me into trouble with Anne probably would lead them to assume that if there were a dominant partner in the relationship it would be me. I’m not as sure as Alan is about whether patriarchal societal views would come into play to such an extent that guests who didn’t know our personalities that well would simply assume the husband was the spanker. If they did, it might simply be because so many of the spanking scenarios depicted in popular culture and porn are, in fact, Male/female.
With close family members, particularly our adult kids, it’s much more likely they might see Anne as the disciplinarian. Our kids have, on at least one occasion, expressed some curiosity about the fact that she seems to make more of the decisions. I was working at the time, and she told them that I carried so much responsibility at work that I didn’t like having to make a lot of decisions at home. So, they clearly have noticed that, from time to time, our relationship seems to be a little untraditionally tilted in her favor.
GH’s topic suggestion was well-timed, as a more subtle version of his scenario did, in fact, play out for us over the holidays. I’ve talked before about how, beginning a year or two ago, Anne started leaving her bath brush and heavy ebony hairbrush out on the counter in our master bath. It’s always been unlikely that social guests might see them but not entirely likely that one of our adult kids might go into that bathroom.
Well, sure enough, while they were visiting us over the holidays I went into the master bedroom and found Anne and one of the kids chatting in the master bathroom. Ordinarily, the counter can be more than little cluttered with daily use, but Anne had tidied it and the rest of the house up in preparation for the kids visit. So, the two brushes where literally the only things on the counter, other than box of tissues. They were truly on “display” in every sense of the word.
Were they noticed? Quite possibly, but I suspect that when it comes to brushes, as opposed to GH’s scenario involving an actual paddle, we spankos and DD practitioners see things others likely do not. Were they noticed? Quite possibly, but I suspect that when it comes to brushes, as opposed to GH’s scenario involving an actual paddle, we spankos and DD practitioners see things others likely do not.
Speaking of which, back during the pandemic, I took this screenshot of an interview on CNN.
Note what’s hanging to the left of the bookcase in the background?
Fraternity paddle? Maybe, though I don’t
see any Greek letters. Unfortunately,
when I zoom in, I still can’t read the stenciling. The fact that I noticed it at all probably says a lot about my own sensitization to all things even potentially spanking-related.
I hope you all had a great 2024 kick-off week. Best wishes for the rest of the year.
Leaving spanking implements out is an appealing idea, as it is an open invitation for guests to inquire about it. We sometimes have a paddle hanging on the wall, but it is hidden if any guests are around. I did forget to hide it once, but she didn't ask about it. My cleaning lady discovered a paddle under the bed, and she put it on the bedside table, but she never asked about it. In general, it's a great idea, and it could lead to sharing your DD wit others. If they aren't comfortable inquiring about it, then they won't say anything.
ReplyDelete"If they aren't comfortable inquiring about it, then they won't say anything." Very true. They may gossip about it to others, but each of us can determine whether we care about that.
DeleteIn our bedroom, just below our wedding picture. Are two implements purchased specifiacally for use on my rear end, a heavy duty wooden bath brush and a moderate weight wooden hair brush. I have had several off the cuff remarks made to me about them as we escort people to see our newly remodeled primary bath.
ReplyDeleteRemarks like, "I bet I know what those are for." and "Does she hit hard?" I answered truthfully, "Ha, yep you probably do!", and "She sure does!"
Her other implements hang in the closet behind the shoe rack, and consist of short and long tail tawses, several wooden and lean paddles a long wide leather strap, and a crop. In the kitchen she has a container if wooden kitchen utensils that have been used but never in the culinary world.
I will say that these openly displayed tools give me reason to think about my chosen place in our relationship. And she tells me she feels empowered knowing that she can literally tell me to drop 'em and bend over at any time. Our relationship has never been better since she assumed the role as a disciplinary wife in a wife led marriage. She really wants and accepts my advice and help, just as I really accept her decisions on the direction we take as a couple. I'm sure our arrangement wouldn't work for every couple, but for us it works great.
Happy New Year Dan, and thanks for a great forum. Calibob
"I will say that these openly displayed tools give me reason to think about my chosen place in our relationship." Same here, and no matter how long ours are left out, they never really fade into the background the way virtually all our other belongings do.
DeleteGlad you have returned, Dan and thanks for reposting my response to GH and others. I liked the first picture and caption in this post. In our relationship, the excuse of 'I forgot' or 'something came up' was never accepted and spankings resulted along with the repeated question from her of 'are you going to forget again?' or 'have you learned this time?' I can see how the caption would relate to many FLR's and very good of you to include it in your post.
ReplyDeleteAs to this weeks topic, we do leave a paddle hanging in our room and it is likely that most guests would not even see it. During the Christmas season, one of our wall decorations is a picture of Rupert ( the German version of Krampus ) complete with his paddle for 'naughty' boys and girls. Along side the picture hangs a paddle/switch much like the one Rupert has in the picture. Only out during the holiday season, it has been noticed by many guests and some even venture a question although most see it as a cute holiday wall decoration. As to the question, are guests unsure of which one of us is on which end of the paddle?, with her European descent and being a former schoolteacher, and her dominant nature, it would take little imagination to realize it is my ass being spanked for discipline.
It seems like the quality of captioning on the primary Tumblr I get these from has gone down, which I don't say to slam the person doing them. I'm sure it's difficult coming up with new-ish material all the time. But, while most of the recent ones I've seen were kind of "meh," that one jumped out at me, with multiple messages that resonated. For me, it was more the first two sentences, as few other captions in my collection allude to why some of gravitate toward having rules imposed on us, even when having them imposed may not feel good in the moment.
DeleteIt's funny, but I had never even heard of Krampus until last year, when a female friend who is an erotic author and in a DD marriage (M/f) recommended a set of Christmas stories with a Krampus theme. I found some of them pretty hot.
https://www.amazon.com/There-Arose-Such-Clatter-Naughty-ebook/dp/B09MMJ8L3B/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1ZIARFU6TV8Z7&keywords=there+arose+such+a+clatter+by+c.m.+nascosta&qid=1704747145&sprefix=there+arose%2Caps%2C124&sr=8-1
Then, just a few weeks ago, a travel channel I sometimes watch on YouTube had a series of segments regarding Christmas markets in Europe, and one of them had a heavy Krampus component. It included people in Krampus costumes playfully swatting attendees with switches of various sorts. The woman in the videos, not knowing anything about the Krampus legend, was clearly weirded out by the whole thing. It was pretty amusing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fg3yUEcJweA
I have come across other spanking traditions in Europe. You might know about the tradition of spanking people who climb Mount Triglav in Slovenia.
DeleteJ
J. I can't say as I have heard of that one. Do they spank you when you reach the summit?
DeleteMy understanding is that a person who reached the summit, for the first time, is supposed to receive "three lashes" on the buttocks with whatever is available and appropriate. There are numerous references on the web to "climbing guides" performing this ritual using short-lengths of climbing-rope. (I wonder of there are any female "guides.")
DeleteLike many here we have a variety of implements that can be used at any time. A brush is subtle and one being left out wouldn’t cause suspicion but would notice instantly. Same for a wooden spoon. When she’s in a more direct mood she will place her favorite paddle on the “ spanking chair” in the living. The chair fits in with the decor so nobody would ever be able to tell. She purchased the chair for one reason. It fits in perfectly. Coming up the stairs and seeing that makes my heart jump. Especially when I don’t know why ? J
ReplyDeleteWhen writing this post, I thought about the fact that a chair in a particular position could have an even more loaded meaning for people into spanking than some innocuous instruments like a brush.
DeleteI agree that a chair placed in an unusual position is highly suggestive to us spankos, but it probably wouldn’t mean much to anyone else. GH
DeleteIf I was in someone’s house and I happened to glimpse a spanking paddle in some out of the way place, so you couldn’t say it was actually “on display”, I would probably view it as an erotic toy. On the other hand, if there was a spanking paddle or a strap hanging on the wall in the kitchen or some other public part of the house, I would wonder why one or both members of the couple wanted to advertise that someone in that house was getting spanked. When I was a kid, and spanking discipline for kids was almost universal, I would assume that the public display of an implement was to serve as a reminder to the kids in the house of the consequences of misbehaviour. I actually knew some neighbourhood kids whose mother kept a spanking paddle on a hook in the kitchen. Obviously, I never assumed either of the adults was subject to such discipline. Nowadays, spanking discipline for kids is so out of favour that I don’t think anyone who spanked their kids would advertise the fact that way. If I saw a spanking paddle on the wall in the house of a couple with no children (whether childless or empty nesters), I would probably assume that someone in the house had a spanking kink, but the public display would make me suspect that it was also for real discipline. In other words, I would see the display as having a disciplinary purpose of public shaming. The public shaming could be simultaneously kinky and disciplinary, I think. I suppose I would be curious enough to comment on the paddle, seeing the public display as an indication of the couple’s desire to share that aspect of their lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteIf my wife decided to hang a spanking paddle on the wall, I think anyone who knows us would know that I am the one who gets spanked. After many years of FLR, my wife’s manner of interacting with me gives clear signals that she wears the pants. And if anyone commented on the paddle, I think she would make sure it was clear that she was the disciplinarian in the house and I was the one subject to the embarrassment and indignity of being spanked. She has said that spanking is only embarrassing for the person who gets spanked, so she would not want to leave any doubt about that.
GH
"I would probably assume that someone in the house had a spanking kink, but the public display would make me suspect that it was also for real discipline." I think I would assume they were in some kind of power exchange relationship that included some element of humiliation. I'm not sure that I would conclude anything about discipline, and I think that particularly before I discovered the DWC I would not have made a mental jump from kink to actual punishment.
DeleteI wonder whether people would draw a kink/DD connection to a fraternity or sorority paddle hanging up in the home of a couple who were well past college age? I did have a fraternity paddle at one point, but I either lost it at some point or it is effectively lost by virtue of being in our attic with all the other boxes of junk I haven't looked at in 15 years.
My frat paddle still packs a wallop 42 years on…as for public display, even though we aren’t in a disciplinary relationship, I do receive maintenance spankings. My wife’s biggest concern is that someone, in particular the kids, will find out about them. She’s so concerned that she worried about what would happen if we both died in a car wreck. To assuage that concern I leave a note in an envelope labeled Please Read in the top of our implement bag. It is almost impossible to imagine ever getting to the hanging a paddle on the wall, but it we could get away with one it would be the frat paddle for sure.
DeleteHappy New Year,
3pops
Fraternities and sororities aren’t a big thing where I went to university in Canada. I always thought that sorority and fraternity spanking was semi-mythical. Would it be common for ex-members to have a paddle as a souvenir of their college days?
DeleteGH
3pops: Back when we first began DD, we kept our implements in a locked trunk. One of my female friends--at that time the only person who knew about our DD relationship--knew about the trunk and had agreed to take possession and throw it out if we both died in an accident. At this stage, with adult kids, I have no problem with them finding our supply of implements and kinky toys. KD Pierre drew what I think is a hilarious cartoon involving adult grandchildren sorting through their deceased grandmother's stuff and finding a collection of kinky toys. His website appears to have been taken down, but I posted it here:https://disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com/2018/09/dcc-meeting-265-implements-final-hiding.html
DeleteI think it's also likely that it will come up at some point with our adult kids, either because they have figured it out and will ask my wife about it or because she will eventually tell one of them.
GH: I think sorority and fraternity spanking is a thing of the past (although some contemporary hazing scandals still surprise me), but I do think many sorority and fraternity alums do keep their paddles--which many fraternities and sororities still give to pledges--as souvenirs.
Love the cartoon Dan…I’d say frat paddling isn’t eradicated, but is certainly less of a thing. In our case, the only paddling was trading licks with your big brother post initiation and generally amongst a large crowd. The house across the street though pounded their pledges black & blue, and I could see bruises all down their thighs in showers at the dorm.
DeleteI have no doubt that my wife’s biggest fear is being discovered even after she has passed away…not very rational, but very much the case.
3pops
Dan said: “I do think many sorority and fraternity alums do keep their paddles--which many fraternities and sororities still give to pledges--as souvenirs.”
DeleteAll of them do not remain just souvenirs. I have related earlier on this blog that my former GF came to use her sorority paddle to spank me several times. She didn’t use it until later in our DD relationship, and as I think about it, every time she used it was for a spanking that she intended to teach an enduring lesson. For anyone not familiar with these paddles, they were not toys. I estimate most were in the 18 -24-inch range and usually made from hardwood. Even today, after almost two decades of sometimes severe discipline from my wife, those spankings with a sorority paddle are among the worst I have ever received.
I think there have been others who have noted similar experiences, but I don’t remember specifically. Maybe Dan has some recollection
Alan
Alan, I have thought about asking Anne to use her sorority paddle for DD purposes, but it's kind of a frilly thing, with glued on letters, that probably wouldn't survive vigorous use. I have no recollection of what happened to my fraternity paddle. I wasn't all that nostalgic for those day for many years, though now I do wish I still had it, for DD and non-DD reasons. I don't know how many of them were actually used on bottoms for my college generation, but you're right that they were, and are, perfectly suited for it.
DeleteI don't really recall others on here referring to their use. I really wish there was a way to easily search comments, but there's not.
3pops: Paddling was not a thing on our campus, and I'm not sure how far back one would have to go for it to have still been around. There is, of course, the notorious scene from Animal House (or, were all the scenes in that movie notorious?) with a very young Kevin Bacon bending over and saying "Thank you sir. May I have another?" after each swat. Despite some very politically incorrect scenes under today's standards, I still absolutely love that movie.
DeleteWhy do you think your wife is so worried about being outed? Is in the DD specifically, or anything kinky? On the latter, I kind of go the other way. In fact, as a practical joke, on a bookshelf in our living room is a book I found on Amazon that has a dust cover indicating is is one of Emanuel Kant's philosophical works but, in reality, is a compilation of the erotic drawings of Tom Poulton, some of which are very nasty. I giggle every time I think about someone packing up my books after I'm gone and coming across that one.
Dan:
DeleteTry using this search phrase in Google Advances Search:
[ "fraternity" "paddle" disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com ]
It returns about fourteen (14) results (a few "dupes") from over the past ten years, mostly from the "Comments" sections.
Sorry, that should have been:
Delete[ "fraternity" "paddle" site:disciplinedhubbies.blogspot.com ]
-- D
P.S. Twelve (12) results for "Sorority Paddle."
DeleteDan,
DeleteI was in school in the early 80’s so Animal House was like a training manual for us. “Fat, Drunk & Stupid” rivaling “Thank you sir” as most commonly overheard phrases. In reality, I virtually have the entire script memorized and will instantly stop whenever I find it while scrolling for something to watch.
As for my wife, I’d say her concern is probably evenly split between perceived to have a kink, and concern about folks thinking we had an abusive relationship, regardless of the dominant party. Like I said, it is not entirely rational, but I feel that she doesn’t want it to become the thing for which she is remembered. Skinny dipping is about as adventurous as she really has been although she humors me with “that thing we do”. Interestingly a phrase she offered up one day rather spontaneously. The book cover idea is interesting because she curates a significant personal library and is an avid reader…
3pops
I was in college in the second half of the 80s, and many of the fraternities still followed that Animal House training manual, but I don't think that included actual paddling. Though, in some ways that might have been better. I was part of the fraternity generation that saw some extreme hazing incidents including deaths. Paddling seems almost benign and innocent by comparison. Then, within a couple of years of my graduation, my school clamped down very hard on the hard core drinking culture on campus, and focused a lot of that ire on the fraternities. I get the sense that they are a lot more tame and, correspondingly, a lot more boring than when I was there.
DeleteWhen I look back at our DD trajectory, my own dedication to confidentiality probably bordered on the irrational. Looking back, I wish I'd drawn the line somewhere that resulted in a little more openness. For example, the DWC really changed the direction of my life, yet I didn't meet Aunt Kay and her husband in person even though I discovered the DWC at least at the tail-end of its popularity and existence as a real "club" of sorts. One of the reasons for that is I was just too paranoid about anyone associating my real identity and our DWC activities.
Fortunately, our frat was more about fun than being mean…no paddle parties, forced alcohol or personal servitude. I’m still employed, so I go to lengths to remain anonymous. I do get annoyed, although perhaps jealous is a better word, of how freely the LGBTQ+ community is able to express themselves. On the other hand, I’m totally convinced that I wouldn’t really want my sexuality to define me so my feelings are hypocritical at best.
Delete3pops
Back when I was working, there was a well-known technologist and entrepreneur in the Bay Area who was *very* out about being into S&M and other kinks. He ended up taking these interests that others hide and feel shame about and turning it into a rockstar-like image -- a pretty hard thing for most technology folks to pull off. I guess my point is that when we dumb ourselves down to avoid embarrassment (which I've certainly done), there IS an alternative, which is just flaunting the hell out of it, and maybe that is the *real* way to avoid embarrassment. It is the case that LGBTQ+ community is NOW free to express themselves, but that wasn't the case for a very long time and it took a lot of people very intentionally coming out to bring that about. But, I agree with you about having no interest in being defined by my sexuality. In fact, I feel like when anyone identifies with any one trait or interest, it's a kind of conscious narrowing of the total you.
DeleteDan, This probably deserves its own topic someday, offering folks a chance to think through and express their feeling about being "out". Like most I am in conflict over it and conflict as usual produces paralysis when left unresolved. But one's sexuality is so central to who we are that hiding it at best misses a important opportunity to self actualize. The example of the LGBTQ+ community is so instructive re what happens when hidden sexual minorities assert their rights.People in DD relationships, male and female, no matter what side of the paddle you are on, deserve the right to remain private but also the right to be open if they choose. And anyone who chooses to demean us on any grounds is as much of an empty headed bigot as the racist or gay- basher down the street
DeleteAlan
“Would they conclude it was just a kinky toy, or would they surmise it was for serious DD?”
ReplyDeleteGiven the lack of people we have told about what goes on, I assume most people would not have any reason to guess any particular answer. Maybe some people would assume it was just a joke for all I know?
“If they guessed that it was for real DD, would they know whether you or your wife was the one who gets spanked, based on public aspects of your relationship?”
Hard to say. On one hand, the period when she is "in charge" is only really during the spanking. I am "in charge" even during post-spanking sex, along with everything else, so maybe they would assume it was m/f. However, people remark that I am chivalrous and protective towards my wife, so maybe others would assume I would not spank her and it is therefore f/m.
J
"Maybe some people would assume it was just a joke for all I know?" Certainly a possibility.
Delete
ReplyDeleteWe are pretty careful not to leave implements out where they might be seen, but I’m still waiting for someone to ask why we keep just one dining chair in the living room. This conversation reminded me of something I haven’t thought about for a long time. About 45 years ago (and close to 5,000 miles away) I had a client I was working with. It was a small business, run by a husband and wife who were probably about in their fifties at the time. And there was an assistant who was a much younger woman / girl. As I remember, they were all originally German. At the time, I certainly had an interest in spanking - which was definitely not shared by my then wife - but I had absolutely no awareness of DD. This was a retail store and I remember that hanging on the wall of their office was a strap. I couldn’t then - and can’t now - imagine how it could have been there for anything other than use as a spanking implement, but i always wondered who wielded it and who was bent over the desk. TG
That is a very interesting incident. In 20 years of this, I don't think I've ever stumbled on something that might indicate someone was into DD. I've picked up what seemed like a DD or FLR vibe from maybe two couples, but I've never seen anything like a spanking instrument on display.
DeleteTG, that’s a fascinating story about the strap hanging in your clients’ office. I can’t help myself from imagining what might have been going on. One thing is certain, workplace spanking discipline is a popular fantasy, one which has probably existed in real life in certain rare instances. It would, of course, be illegal, even back then. But it is possible to imagine how it could come about in a small business like that, even though the employer would be taking a risk. I imagine the following scenario: the business is run by a husband and wife team who are into DD of either the F/M or M/F variety. They sometimes do it in the workplace when they are alone. However, the young woman who works for them comes back from lunch early one day and catches the husband and wife in the act. There is much embarrassment on both sides. The wife talks to the young woman about it to try to minimize any legal or social fallout. As it turns out the young woman happens to be a spanko, and she confides in the wife that she is excited by what she witnessed. One thing leads to another, with the result that the disciplinarian ends up hanging the strap in the office, where either the husband or wife, and possibly the employee, is occasionally bent over the desk for discipline. If I read a spanking story like that, I would assume it was fiction. But I think that whatever scenarios we can imagine have probably happened in real life in rare instances when the stars align.
DeleteGH
I would love to have known more at the time. As I said, my memory is that they were originally German, and my impression has always been that anything to do with BDSM and related pursuits has always been more open there. I remember back - probably sometime between the mid nineties and the mid 00s - changing planes at Frankfurt airport and having some time to wander around the shops, to find a sex shop in the middle of the airport. TG
DeleteI haven't spent a lot of time in Germany (some, but not a lot), so I haven't had any real opportunity to experience any openness to BDSM. It does seem like it's the English who are always closely associated with all things spanking.
DeleteDan, concerning German BDSM, there is an interesting rock video called “Sonne” by the German punk group Rammstein. The video depicts Snow White as a dominatrix, and there is one scene in which she makes the seven dwarves line up for a bare bottomed spanking over her knee. If you aren’t familiar with it, it’s worth looking up on YouTube.
DeleteGH
Germans seem to have a more relaxed attitude about nudity too. A friend of mine lived in Germany for several years. He told me that he sometimes went with friends, male and female, to steam baths, and everyone would be completely naked in the steam room. He found it strange at first, because of his North American cultural conditioning, but his German friends found it completely normal. One of the most sexually charged aspects of DD for me is having my bottom bared, but I wonder whether Germans would see that differently because of their relaxed attitude about co-ed nudity.
DeleteGH
Dan, this is off topic, butI had an experience yesterday that caused me to think about another possible topic. We were going into our Monday maintenance spanking, which quickly became a punishment spanking, with hard spanks and lots of lecturing. The night before I had a bout with acid reflux, which lasted quite awhile. It happens only when I go unconscious and wolf down either carrots or hard boiled eggs. Unknown to me, she was pretty concerned about me, and she must have remembered it just before the maintenance spanking. After the spanking, she put me in the corner, and before leaving, she ordered me to write 50 lines about not doing that again, as well as an essay about how I will prevent that from happening again. It was completely spontaneous, and really took me by surprise, as I didn't even know she knew about that. It felt pretty childish being put in the corner, writing lines and the essay, which she demanded to see completed that afternoon. It also felt very maternal, and let me know she was stepping up our DD. A a few topics could come from that experience, like "how has your wife stepped up your DD?" Another could be, "Do you ever get punished for doing harm to yourself?" Or, "Do enjoy her being in a more maternal role?"
ReplyDeleteWe generally have the black leather strap hanging on a hook in our bedroom (on my side!). It was originally my suggestion which my wife was lukewarm about but now fully supports. Every time I enter the room the sight of it acts as a very clear reminder to me to behave, to 'pull up my socks' and of what the almost certain consequences will be should there be any slippage. I was strapped regularly as a boy at school and the strong symbolic impact of seeing the strap will never leave me.
ReplyDeleteWe put it away if there is any chance of a visitor entering that part of the house but I am not sure how much I would care if somebody commented on it. Except I would be uncomfortable if they thought that I was the giver rather than the receiver. People who know us are unlikely to reach that conclusion!! TB
TB
Hi TB. If we had something so obviously discipline-related on such prominent display, I think I would be constantly nervous about forgetting to put it away when our adult kids visited or when we are on vacation and have someone watching the dogs. Or, maybe a repair person might need access to the room.
DeleteI guess some of that nervousness shows how hard-wired a fear of being "outed" can be. I mean, so what if some repair person who I don't know and will never see again were to see a spanking instrument left out in plain view? Or, even our kids. They are adults. They've all read 50 Shades and seen the movies. While with kids there is always the "ick" factor of thinking about parents and adult activities, I'm still not sure why we care as much as we do. Though, when I saw "we," I kind of mean Anne. While I don't want to ever have a conversation with our kids about this part of our life, I also really don't care that much if they come to know about it. Honestly, for all I know they already do know about it or at least suspect there is some spank-related kink going on.
We have a different approach to the display of her disciplinary tools. It is something we used early at my suggestion and something she has returned to many times. She had an old-style armless straight-backed chair when we met. It became her go-to, along with the couch, when she spanked me OTK. She kept it in a guest bedroom, where she often took me for punishment.
ReplyDeleteAfter marriage, I suggested she keep it in our bedroom in a corner with a hairbrush on it to remind me of her authority. She did so, and it really worked.
She has spanked me in that chair, but that is not the reason it works. I know I am, in fact, unlikely to be spanked in our bedroom. It works because it is a regular reminder to me of her authority and what can happen if I forget that.
Just seeing it over and over has deepened my commitment to obedience to her. And she has told me that it makes her feel powerful when she really looks at it. No one except her mother and one sister is ever in our bedroom, so we can leave it there except when they are expected, or we are traveling or on vacation.
I also get a sexual tingle from it sometimes, and I suspect she does, too. The chair with a hairbrush on top makes a statement that is very powerful emotionally and sexually. But it's very different from leaving disciplinary tools around where they may be seen. It's very private and personal. Her sister has seen me spanked, and her mother knows she spanks me. But neither of them has ever seen the chair.
Alan
Alan, I can see how that would be a VERY powerful visual reminder. Even leaving Anne's bath brush and the ebony hairbrush on our bathroom counter catches my attention, and I'm sure something even more plainly DD-related--like a hairbrush and chair on open display--would serve as an even more powerful statement.
DeleteIt's interesting how some of these very iconic spanking spanking instruments and accessories can carry such emotional weight, even when they aren't necessarily a part of our own DD regimen. I've never been spanked over an armless chair like the one you describe. Yet, the mental image of such a chair, in the middle of a room, with a brush on the seat or a belt draped over the back, is VERY powerful for me.
TB and Alan, you both make a good point about the powerful symbolic effect of spanking implements on display in the bedroom, whether a strap hanging on the wall or a hairbrush resting on a straight backed chair. The current display in our bedroom may not be quite as obvious, but it is clear enough. A while ago I bought my wife a really nice bamboo bath brush. My wife has kept the hairbrush on bedside table for a long time. But she now keeps that bath brush on the dresser, since it is never actually used as a bath brush. I don’t think it would take Sherlock to conclude that a bath brush that isn’t kept in the bathroom has been repurposed as a paddle. TB, like you I am not sure I would care if someone saw it and commented on it. Though I would find it embarrassing to be outed, some perverse part of me kind of wants that.
ReplyDeleteGH
"Though I would find it embarrassing to be outed, some perverse part of me kind of wants that."
DeleteThat is so true with me, as well.
Unlike some who have commented, our hairbrush is often used for it's original purpose. The two places it resides are the bathroom vanity or our bedroom dresser. Since we only have a bath and a half, the former means there is a good chance that others will see it. This is especially true if they are overnight guests. As much as I like to see the brush placed next to our wedding picture in the bedroom, I get a charge out of knowing that it's more likely to be viewed in the bathroom. There has never been a comment about it, but if there was, I'd laugh it off. I admit that I'd enjoy it though.
Kevin
For some instruments, I wonder what the "original purpose" was. The iconic ebony hairbrushes, for example, with their heavy wood and very dense bristles, would seem to be a pretty poor choice for daily brushing of hair. And, even more so, bath brushes. How many of them have ever been used on their owner's back? I'm not sure where Anne got the one she uses now, but our first bath brushes came from the Body Shop and were purpose-purchased as a DD implement. Based on some of the user comments, I suspect that was true for many other purchasers. Has anyone ever bought a Vermont Country Store brush to use as a brush?
DeleteI also have some implements that cause me to wonder whether they have seen use on butts other than mine. I bought our ebony hairbrush used on eBay. I have a used clothes brush in our closet that has only been used on me once but seems almost perfectly suited to spanking. I also have a few instruments that I *know* have been used on other butts, as I got them from Aunt Kay's husband.
DeleteMy wife’s favorite paddles are branded DWC ones TG
DeleteTG, I was very grateful that Aunt Kay's husband sent me a care package with several DWC-branded tools (along with the wood burning DWC stamp tool), as I had neglected to buy anything from them before that commercial part of the website shut down. I also searched for used ones on eBay for several years, with no luck.
DeleteI guess those that have them aren’t letting go of them. TG
DeleteMy wife has her bath brush hanging next on a towel rack along side of her panties and a pair of thigh highs . As soon as you walk into the bathroom in our masterbath I see it..
ReplyDeleteWe have a large paddle with holes hanging in our kitchen.
ReplyDeleteSo long as it stays there I'm happy, but if it moves from the hook my sitting that day is made to be difficult.
Hi Dan,
ReplyDelete"No big new rules. Rather, a stricter application of the existing rules coupled with less tolerance for my efforts to get out of what I have richly earned." - Yes, that is where I can see us going as well. And in fact, new rules are kind of pointless if existing ones are not being consistently enforced.
"I also liked the reference to how having rules makes me feel like my life is more under control . . . even if it is really all about someone else’s control." - I also like that. I at times wonder if that is not the big need that I have that drives me towards DD?
As for the questions:
"What if guests, whether family or friends, came to your house and spotted a spanking paddle, either displayed on purpose or left out accidentally. What conclusions do you suppose they would draw based on their familiarity with you and your wife? Would they conclude it was just a kinky toy, or would they surmise it was for serious DD?" - this question is interesting for me, because I expect my answer will be different than most based on the very traditional and sheltered culture in which I live. I think if someone saw an obvious spanking implement here, in most cases they would assume it was for real punishment. The vast majority of people here don't even know that BDSM play is a thing, though of course some do.
"Also, if they guessed that it was for real DD, would they know whether you or your wife was the one who gets spanked, based on public aspects of your relationship?" - again, because of our HIGHLY paternal society, if someone did assume it was for real punishment, and because we don't have children around, they would almost certainly assume that it was my wife being spanked, unless it happened to be one of the few people who know my wife and I have a DD relationship.
Now, if we lived in the US, I am not sure what our friend group would be like, but my assumption there is that most would assume the implement was for kinky play. If they happened to know about DD, and if the thought crossed their mind that maybe it was for real punishment, then I think it is actually pretty likely that they might think it is me who is spanked, since my wife is at least at times verbally strict in front of others.
On a related but separate note, it is quite moving for me to see the paddles that we bought for this purpose and we keep in the workplace. They are openly visible, but are quite clearly cutting boards (even though a few are shaped more like fraternity paddles). When I see them, I immediately think to watch my step, even though they have never been used on me. Somehow just knowing that is what they are for is enough...
-ZM
"I expect my answer will be different than most based on the very traditional and sheltered culture in which I live. I think if someone saw an obvious spanking implement here, in most cases they would assume it was for real punishment."
DeleteThat is really interesting! The world is a big place, isn't it?
My wife believed that there were so many household implements that could be used for spanking that there was no need to have spanking-specific implements. She mostly used a bath brush and a clothes brush (I believe) that we called a hairbrush. That large brush was carried in her oversized bag and went everywhere with us. The threat of it was an effective deterrent, especially after she actually used it at a party, as I have described.
ReplyDeleteAfter the kids were gone and we both retired, we were much more lax about leaving the bath brush lying around in the living room, dining room, and especially kitchen -- where a lot of my spankings took place because of the easy access to armless kitchen chairs. The kitchen was also where she would coffee clatch with her friends, and I am quite sure that several of them saw the bath brush on the kitchen table or counter. Whether they ever remarked I do not know, as I was not allowed within hearing distance of their conversations, banished to the floor above or below.
I'm not sure what her friends thought, but there really is no reason for a bath brush to be in the kitchen. Sometimes one of the kitchen chairs would be turned around, left that way after I had been over her knee. The combination of the kitchen chair facing away from the table and the bath brush nearby is pretty unmistakeable, I would think. But I never got confirmation from my wife regarding her friends' knowledge.
As far as who was the spanker and who the spankee, that would have been quite obvious as my wife became more open with her warnings to me in front of others.
KOJ
"The combination of the kitchen chair facing away from the table and the bath brush nearby is pretty unmistakeable . . ."
DeleteIt certainly seems that way to me, though I also remind myself that I do process things through my "spanked husband" filter and, if I had seen even something that direct 30 years ago before we got into this thing we do, I'm not sure I would have drawn a connection.
"My wife believed that there were so many household implements that could be used for spanking that there was no need to have spanking-specific implements."
There is a word for those household items that I've seen on some spanko blogs and that I really like: "pervertables."