“I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
I hope you had a good week. Mine was pretty sedate. Some productive time in the gym. Read a good book. Spent some time doing work on the motorcycle, and even some time riding it. There wasn’t much in the way of misbehavior, though there were a couple of things that might fall into the “carelessness” category. They weren’t things that affected Anne in any way, but they cost me time and frustration. I don’t rat on myself all that often, yet I also do get frustrated at the time I spend fixing things that I screw up through sheer inattention, and it’s hard to envision myself paying more attention without a compelling reason to do so.
We had a good discussion about crying and “surrender” last week. We also added a few new commenters. Welcome to new Brett, BenB, Lavrentyb, and Courandair. And, welcome back K. I hope you all keep participating.
The only bummer of the weekly discussion was it was another week without one of our more prolific commenters, KOJ. I really hope he’s OK and just off vacationing or something.
This week’s topic is kind of a hodge-podge, though there is a uniting theme; one that relates to last week’s discussion.
The overall topic is this: Things I was wrong, or didn’t understand, about Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships when I first got into this thing we do.
In a nutshell, I thought I’d talk about things I thought or assumed when we first started Domestic Discipline almost 20 years ago that I now know to be either untrue or much more nuanced than I appreciated at the time.
What’s this have to do with
last week’s topic? Well, crying was
probably my biggest misconception. So,
let’s talk about that and a few other things I got wrong.
Crying is common. I discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club at a point where we had experimented, for a very short time, with erotic play-acted spankings. I had no adult experience with a real disciplinary/punishment spanking. When I read the stories on the DWC, I was left with the impression that crying from an adult spanking was very common. In fact, I went into our first session fully expecting to be brought to tears. Even though I had suggested we try DD, I was in a state of dread and high anxiety right before that first spanking, and the prospect of sobbing over my wife’s knee was the main source of both the dread and the morbid fascination with the whole thing.
Well, almost twenty years later I still haven’t really cried, despite getting some very, very hard spankings. I realize now that while some men do get to that point of surrender and release where they cry real tears, it isn’t really all that common.
It’s all about the severity. When I didn’t cry during that first disciplinary or during any spankings that first year or so, I assumed that maybe I just wasn’t being spanked hard enough. I became kind of a severity junkie, buying more and more intimidating implements in a quest to receive the kind of spanking that I assumed the guys in the stories were getting that brought them to tears.
Honestly, I should have known better from the start, given that most of those DWC stories in which the men sobbed and sobbed involved hairbrush spankings, and I learned relatively early on that most hairbrush spankings just aren’t all that hard. I’m not saying they can’t be hard, but it takes a very determined spanker and a very heavy hairbrush to deliver a spanking that is remotely comparable to, say, the bath brush or a heavy paddle or strap.
What I didn’t know and had to experience for myself, however, is that some instruments really can be almost too hard, at least when it comes to surrender, tears, and really accepting the accountability she is trying to drive home. My quest for more and more severe instruments culminated with some rubber straps that both of us decided were just too much. My decision was all about the fact that the pain was so immediate and shocking that I always went immediately into “man up” mode and couldn’t accept or surrender to the punishment. Quite the opposite. It was pure resistance. For Anne, the issue was the damage the rubber often did to my butt. She is very capable of giving very hard spankings but doesn’t deal well with something that actually splits the skin, which the rubber instruments sometimes did.
Over time, I’ve come to understand that the effectiveness of a spanking isn’t about—or at least not just about—the severity of the instrument and the energy behind the swats. Duration, setting, the spanker’s demeanor – all these contribute as much as, or more than, severity to the overall effectiveness of a spanking.
“Effectiveness” is all about behavior modification, accountability, and/or balancing power. When we first began Domestic Discipline, my primary focus was on giving Anne a way to correct and punish behaviors that we both agreed were a problem. The overall goal was to eliminate or reduce those behaviors by holding me accountable. From the beginning, I thought that giving Anne the “tool” of DD would also even out the balance of power in a relationship that sometimes felt unbalanced.
That was all well and good and mostly true, but I think it missed some very important nuances. Although it was about giving her more power, in a subtle way it was mostly about effectiveness from my point of view. I definitely did see spanking as a way for her to express her dissatisfaction, but I don’t think I really understood that it could serve that purpose and give her a sense of satisfaction even if my behavior didn’t actually change at all.
I also think I didn’t appreciate that there were going to be spankings that were really all about punishment, with behavior modification a very secondary consideration. I’ve used this quote from Alan a couple of times now and been disappointed that there hasn’t been more discussion about it, because I think it is important and profound. It also seems to relate closely to some of K’s comments from last week about how his true “punishment” spankings work:
“The other issue you raise is the length of time before discipline is no longer needed or appropriate. This taps into one of the purposes of punishment that we don’t discuss as often as we do deterrence and behavior modification. I am thinking of “retribution,” which is punishing simply because the person committed an offense where the suffering should be proportionate to the severity of the offense committed -- punishment for punishment’s sake aside from or absent any other purposes of the punishment –and no matter how long it has been since the offending behavior.”
Just how much spankings
hurt.
When I brought my wife the idea of trying DD, I emphasized that these
would not be erotic spankings and, rather, were designed to hurt, and hurt
badly. Yet, somehow after almost twenty years, the reality of the pain from
that first volley of swats never ceases to surprise me. I’ve been spanked dozens and dozens of times,
and every single time I’m desperately asking myself why in the world I’ve
allowed myself to be in this position again, shocked at how unbearable the pain
seems. I am very sure that when I read the Disciplinary Wives Club for the
first time, despite its emphasis on tears and remorse and its advice to wives
to err on the side of severity, I had no idea what I was getting into.
Most men in DD relationships are “alphas” who want to yield control. This was a pre-conception that was all about me projecting my own dynamic. I was anti-authoritarian, or type-A, or Alpha—whatever term you want to use—and I assumed that most other husbands in these relationships were as well. I still think many men fit that profile, but many like being under their wives’ control because they like following or being controlled in other aspects of their life as well. I don’t know whether it’s a 50-50 split, but some early polls I conducted here suggested that’s about right.
My wife would reject DD as “weird.” When I first brought the DWC concept to my wife, I thought the most likely outcome was she would reject it as just too kinky or weird. Yet, after her very first time viewing the DWC material, she called to tell me she thought it was “interesting” and instructed me to “go buy a brush.” After our first few times experimenting with it, she told me that she did find it more than a little weird, but apparently there was enough upside for her to keep her interested in the experiment.
The maternal aspect. Early on, I’m not sure I appreciated how much of the DWC dynamic was about “maternal” discipline. In fact, I was surprised a year or so ago when someone pointed out that “maternal” was in the website’s masthead and appeared throughout the materials. For a long time, I didn’t really appreciate how core that “maternal” archetype was to my own desire for DD. It took a long time for me to recognize that while my own mother was pretty erratic and definitely did not fit into the “strict mother” paradigm, I wanted that kind of parental dynamic and the strict, imposed, almost involuntary discipline it entailed.
Even once I started appreciating my own gravitation toward the “maternal” archetype, I was reluctant to say much about it to Anne, because of all the negative Freudian baggage it came with. In short, if she found anything weird about DD, I assumed it was likely to be anything involving spankings from a mother figure. While I feel like we still dance around this a little, I’ve been surprised by how much she is not turned off by my references to it and will even sometimes reference it herself.
My wife’s interest would stay purely utilitarian. From the beginning, I had a pretty utilitarian view of DD. It was about correcting problems through accountability. It was about empowering my wife. It was mainly about changing my behavior. I assumed Anne saw it the same way. In the beginning, she probably did. What I underestimated was just how much she would come to enjoy her increased power and enjoy giving disciplinary spankings. It’s a bit nuanced, as she says it’s not so much the spanking itself she enjoys, as ordering me to take one and get ready for it, and then watching me comply. But, especially over the last year, I sense that she gets disappointed if I haven’t misbehaved in a week or two, because she actually likes exercising that power over me.
In fact, from the very beginning one of the biggest surprises to me was how little she struggled with giving very hard spankings. Once she has decided one is deserved, she has no problem at all delivering it.
How about you? As your disciplinary relationship has developed, have there been things where your assumptions and preconceptions were wrong? Give us some examples.
Have a great week!
Thank you Dan for a very extensive walk through your experience. For me the mistake/surprise was to assume that when presenting Mrs GoodLife with the opportunity to have it all Female Led Domestic Discipline wise she would a) grab it with both hands and b) embrace everything over time. The reality is that after 7 years of home spankings and nearly 6 months of very soft FLR is those things havn't happened. Consequently I have come to realise that chastising me is mentally just another chore of life for her. That she hasn't stopped it reflects I think a commitment to me and my wants and for that I say thank you love but because it isn't second nature to her and, compared to those experiences I garnered from professional disciplinarians hasn't had the range of outcomes, I feel a bit frustrated.
ReplyDeleteThis was brought home to me this week, maintenance was delayed a day and then until the wee small hours because one of our kids is exercising teenage resistance to normal sleep times. During the second delay I suggested we reschedule so Mrs GL wasn't "too tired and so just went through the motions". Her reply hit hard "well you know that's my state of mind anyway and what you get every time so no need to worry". I will be honest and say when we eventually got to the point of her calling me over I had fretted on that a while and consequently didn't get the full fortnightly joy from it.
To end on a positive, the other thing I suppose is how imaginative my mind is on FLDD and that is what keeps me going. I have enough of it for both of us LOL. Cheers GLM
I wonder whether your wife's professional/work/family obligations do make DD a "chore" for her at this point in your lives to the point that it may not be workable? Think about how many professional men come to this lifestyle specifically because they have so much responsibility in their everyday lives that they are driven to something like DD or FLR that forces/allows them to give up that control. I can definitely see how someone wired like that would have a very hard time taking on the role of disciplinarian, because it would just add to the chores they were already overly-burdened by. Have you thought about just asking her for permission to see pros, so it's just out there?
DeleteDan, working backwards. No I can't see a conversation about visiting pros even accruing. Pre my spankee years I recall being told in no uncertain terms when Mrs GL was telling me she wasn't letting me indulge my then spanker tendencies that any act with anyone else, paid or free, would be treated like I was having an affair. Not convinced she'd see the other way around as any different!
DeleteIn terms of whether it is Mrs GL's responsibilities that get in the way, well hard to say other I'm not convinced us being retired would make any difference.
That brings us to whether it's workable and the answer seems to be it is on her narrow terms and it isn't on my wants and aspirations. But I still live I hope. Cheers GLM
That Emma might feel this way about disciplining me is one of my abiding fears. We’re both in our early forties with full-time jobs and two young children. Our professional workloads ebb and flow but overall it’s a busy time and we’re both often tired. She is not a spanko herself. I’ve often found myself painfully conscious of how selfish it is to expect her to devote her scarce time and mental/physical energy to disciplining her husband - a grown man whom she’s entitled to expect to bring self-discipline to the relationship. She does not need me to behave like either a naughty child, or a sexually entitled spanking-obsessive constantly pestering her for kinky favours (and being obviously disappointed when they fail to match my detailed fantasies). The latter is a real risk. I have a deep and real need, and there’ve been times when I’ve not been as scrupulous as I should in how I’ve spoken to her about it.
DeleteWe’ve made a lot of progress in the last year, and what feels like a major leap forward in the last month. The thing that’s underpinned it has been making it worth her while. Our DD arrangement was established in. 2018 but had always been a bit… “going through the motions”. But then, in the process of designing a reward chart that would encourage our six-year-old son to attempt worthy challenges (e.g. reading independently, going on long bike rides, learning to cook) it occurred to me that a similar principle could be applied to encouraging Emma to discipline me. (I know how weird this sounds. Bear with me!) The way our finances work is that we pool our salaries for shared expenses and assign ourselves (equal) monthly allowances for personal spending. Whereas Emma struggles not to spend every penny of hers, I rarely come close, so I accrue savings. So, I mentioned the idea to her: a disciplinary reward chart in which she’d get points for achieving various challenges (e.g. five points for three mouth-soapings, two point bonus for eliciting tears) and, once she reached a certain number of points, would earn a reward (a present of her choice, budget approximately double an ordinary birthday present). It wasn’t really a serious suggestion when I first broached it, more of a joke. But she was up for it, so I spent some time designing a points system. It worked wonders. (Consulting the disciplinary log that evolved from it, I can tell you I’ve been spanked 63 times since 4 January!) I think the effect of it was not just to incentivise Emma to discipline proactively, but to make it kind of fun for her. She was the sort of little girl who loved collecting badges at Brownies (I.e. Girl Scouts) and I think the whole thing just kind of appealed to her on that level.
(Sorry - a very long rambling post that doesn’t address the central theme of the week. It’s so long that I’m going to have to post it in two halves.)
BenB
Part 2…
DeleteThat somehow has led to a recent shift into a more FLR dynamic over the last three weeks. Emma made the big step (or so it felt) of ending a couple of arguments by spanking me earlier this year. Something about that prompted us to shift (at my instigation) to a situation where she’s straightforwardly in charge. Whenever we disagree, she can put her foot down and win, no arguments. It’s produced a significant shift: she’s started disciplining me for things that annoy her rather than things we both agree are spankable offences. I love it (and hate it, of course). A big part of the reason it works, I think, is that she gets a lot out of it. She no longer feels she needs to bite her tongue for fear of starting an argument with me. She’s enjoying watching me backpedal and apologise for things which, before, I’d have stood my ground on. It’s been an instructive change. I’d not realised how dominant I’d been in our relationship until I suddenly find myself having to bite my tongue for fear of irritating her to punishment levels. For now, at least, and I know it’s early days, Emma seems to be seeing major benefits from imposing the more severe, DWC-style level of discipline that come with this change.
So… I suppose what I’m saying is that this has been our way out of the she-goes-through-the-motions-while-he-feels-guilty-about-it trap. The precise details (I.e. the nerdy reward scheme) are probably quite particular to our situation, and maybe to Emma. But the underlying idea of thinking imaginatively about how to make it worth her while might be worth listing. In the middle of the recent shift I made a point of buying her presents after she tried new things out to thank her for making the effort. It was small and simple but I think it helped. I’m going to try my best to remember to do that more as our work lives get busier again.
Apologies again for going on so long. I’ll try to address the actual theme in a separate post tomorrow.
BenB
BenB, no need at all to apologize. Long, well-thought-out posts are always welcome.
DeleteI'm somewhat fascinated by your reward system. I'm one of those people is much more motivated by the prospect of losing something than be getting a reward. So, I sometimes forget that other people may be wired the opposite and may respond strongly to a reward system. Though, I admit I do think it's pretty funny that you came up with this system as a byproduct of trying to motivate your six-year-old.
Your wife's move to disciplining you do end arguments does seem very significant. It took mine a long time to get there, and it's still pretty hit-and-miss. I understand completely what you mean about not realizing how dominant you had been in the relationship. It was the same with us when we first started DD. Also, I'm not a particularly big guy, but I have a deep, booming voice - I suspect that in an argument my voice alone sometimes carries a lot more impact than I actually intend. Therefore, it takes a fairly strong offsetting force to rein me in.
Late to this. BenB, that reward system is brilliant. I've pondered the inconvenience I bring to the relationship but not how to even it so immediately and tangibly.
DeleteI'm sorry that we have missed discussing retribution. I think that the N word spanking that I discussed under the heading of "penny dropping" was also an act of retribution... she had been powerless to stop me (and others) teasing her with a word that she really hated and so when she realised that she was not actually powerless she took pleasure from being cross with me and making me hurt for the teasing and use of the word over the years. Whilst she will never hear it from me again, I would not be surprised if I am beaten in the event that our friends use the chant in the future - again retribution. I cannot think over other punishments that I've received that could be classed as retribution.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure a feeling of powerlessness contributes to a desire for retribution. And, let's face it, it's definitely a word that should be dropped for good.
DeleteRetribution is an interesting topic. For me, my deep fascination with spanking, since early childhood, was always bound up with an idealised order characterised by perfect balance. In a world where children were spanked by wise, loving parents, children misbehaved and inevitably got the punishments that they deserved, wiping the slate clean. This wasn’t the world I lived in. My parents gave occasional smacks but never proper spankings, and as far as I knew the same was true for the children I went to school with. (I think spanking was much rarer in the UK than the US by the 1980s - only once have I met someone from England my age who’s mentioned being spanked over the knee as a child.) I remember feeling almost frustrated by the imbalance of a world in which I never really got punished properly for bad things I did, and nobody else seemed to either. My fascination with spanking was erotic, but I didn’t understand that at the time. (It wasn’t until after puberty that I recognised the correlation between certain thoughts and erections as a puzzle related to sex that I ought to try and solve.) I experienced it more as a sort of nostalgic yearning for a well-ordered past in which everyone got their just deserts.
DeleteSo, I think that deep down my spanking fetish is much more about punishment as retribution than punishment as deterrence, or even punishment as a teaching tool. A world in which Emma fully punishes me for all my bad behaviour (all my thoughtlessness, laziness, selfishness, etc), a world in which she lets me get away with absolutely nothing, is a world I want to live in. Retribution might actually be the core of my kink. I’d not really thought of it like this until now. Interesting!
BenB
BenB, isn't it great how sometimes just walking through your thoughts in a community forum like this helps you come to some new level of self-awareness? It happens to me a lot.
DeleteI don't think retribution is the core of my kink, though it's definitely in there. You said: "I remember feeling almost frustrated by the imbalance of a world in which I never really got punished properly for bad things I did, and nobody else seemed to either." My experience was very different. I had friends whose parents were much stricter than mine and, at that time, I thought those parents were kind of dicks. I'm also sure my friends envied by freedom compared to their rules.
But, much later, I started becoming more aware of how much of a burden that early freedom had really been. It wasn't about wanting retribution per se, but more about realizing that without imposed consequences you are 100% responsible for avoiding bad outcomes and no one is going to help you do that.
Like Mrs. GLM, Ann has times when spanking me is a chore, and she’s only doing it because of the commitment we made to each other about it. Of course, there are days when I’ve really ticked her off and she can’t wait for the power move of pulling down my underwear and starting out with really hard spanks.
ReplyDeleteI always thought that, especially as independent as she has always been, that once given the permission and even asked for it, that she would relish the power. She does, at times.
Fred & GLM, I had aways thought that disciplining me was just another chore, but we do seem to have reached a point where she has let herself enjoy it and enjoy the fact that she has this unilateral authority. On one hand I am now punished much more regularly (and for her goals rather than mine), and she regularly teases me along the lines of "keep doing that and you know what will happen...". It has, I think, become something fun and a bit naughty in our relationship that we share.
DeleteInitially I made the mistake of assuming that it would be a chore, and of approaching her in that manner rather than something by which (without too much effort on her behalf) could improve our relationship, fix things and behaviour that annoyed her, and add a little bit of fun back in. She seems to be enjoying it and I certainly am...behaving better...
"I always thought that, especially as independent as she has always been, that once given the permission and even asked for it, that she would relish the power. She does, at times." Fred, that's a fair description of mine, but I think the process of relishing power has accelerated in recent years. It's nothing like KOJ experienced when his wife retired, but there definitely is a difference.
DeleteI was wrong...I had always assumed that more forceful spankings would hurt more. Sometimes my wife doesn't hit very hard and I find that these can be as unpleasant as when she does... and I don't know why this is. I think that this is limited to wooden paddle type instruments.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I experience *a lot* of variability in pain levels, especially with wooden paddles.
DeleteDev is VERY good at spanking me and says she enjoys doing it. There are times I think it’s a chore for her and I think I feel resentment. It causes depression. JR
ReplyDeleteIf she says she enjoys it, maybe take her at her word?
DeleteI will 'alter' one word in the topic of this session from 'wrong' to 'surprised'. As most here know, I was in a 24/7 FLR prior to my current one, so concepts were not strange to me. I was surprised to learn my new FLR with DD household would start within seconds of the official beginning.... my move in day. I was aware of how hard and effective punishment spankings are and tears are a part of them. I was spanked for discipline very often during the early years as I learned her ways. As time passed, punishments went down to the point of near non-existence. I was then 'surprised' when she suggested regular maintenance spankings to insure my good behavior. We instituted a maintenance program, which was another surprise to me. The first, so called, maintenance was another surprise. Not as harsh as a punishment, but much longer in duration, use of several implements, still spanked to tears and beyond. It did include a warm up, use of a safe word, and after care, none of which ever occurred during punishment. So 'wrong' did not apply to me, but I was surprised at her effectiveness in spanking, for either punishment or maintenance.... and continue to be surprised even now...13 years later.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I used the word "wrong" because it made for a catchier title. :-) I did envision the topic encompassing "surprise" as well.
DeleteI think the number one thing I was wrong, or at least surprised about, was whether I'd be occasionally resentful or regretful for giving up my own authority and autonomy to J. I thought of it as a trade - I'm giving up this thing that I value (my authority) in exchange for something I value more (living under my wife's authority and discipline). But actually, it hasn't been like that at all. It was the best trade I've ever made. While I can definitely think of times when I've disliked being punished and disciplined, I've never once regretted (outside the moment) being in a situation where I must submit to it. It all just feels right.
ReplyDeleteThanks, K. You and I may be wired a little differently in that respect. I don't think I've ever really regretted being in a DD relationship, and only on a very small number of occasions have I regretted a particular punishment. But, I definitely have struggled with living under someone else's authority at times when that authority became "real." I'm very anti-authoritarian by temperament and, while I find the idea of being under my wife's authority attractive, I definitely struggle with it when it actually happens, particularly in those few instances where we are not on quite the same page. And, I genuinely HATE any kind of "service domination," when she does things like ordering me to drop what I'm doing to take her plate, do some chore, etc. That doesn't happen all that often, but when it does, my resentment comes out big time. Sometimes, in retrospect, it is a turn-on, but in the moment not so much.
DeleteDan, yes, perhaps so. It really surprised me. I thought this would be a big deal, but it turned out to be no concern in practice at all once I took the leap. I experience her (sometimes strong) discipline and authority over me, our marriage, and our household as an expression of her love, full stop. I guess didn't fully expect that.
DeleteThat's really great. In the abstract, I think that her taking a much stronger role--more FLR and not just DD--is a good thing. And, part of me is very attracted to the prospect. But, when it is happening my ego reacts very strongly against it. But, we're all a work in progress, right?
DeleteYes we are, Dan. And what works for me might not be what works for you at all. As long as the progress is toward what's right for you, it's all good.
DeleteAnd that progress may not necessarily be linear. There have been many things I've suggested over time that seemed like a good idea for progressing things, but just didn't work.
DeleteOne thing I was wrong about was to assume that there were no women that really enjoyed the DD lifestyle I was craving. I read about them in DWC, but never seemed to meet any women that were really into F/M spanking. I was wrong in thinking my last wife was really into it. It seemed like she was at first, but soon it became obvious she was so turned off by it that we agreed it would be better for me to see a professional. That was ok for years, but it involved a lot of driving and money, and ultimately, it was not satisfying. It was a surprise to me to realize that what I really wanted was DD, not just spanking. It was also a surprise to finally find a woman who accepted me as I am, and was actually interested in practicing this lifestyle. Lastly, I have been very surprised at how much happier I am now that she has taken on that role, and how good sex can be in these "golden years". I may not be able to get it up every time, but spanking has proven to be a reliable option as a substitute for sex.
ReplyDeleteThe way I put it is, "DD wives may be hard to find but seem to be easily made." Meaning, I think it may be hard to find someone with pre-existing DD interest if you go looking for one. But, the stories here--and my own personal journey--have convinced me the odds are pretty good when it comes to nudging an otherwise vanilla significant-other in that direction.
DeleteI always find it funny when I think about how we feel like we have to convince our partners to do "weird" things like spanking when standard vanilla sex is pretty crazy if you had to explain it.
DeleteImagine if the conversation were reversed.
"Honey, you know how we both love it when you put me over your lap, take my pants down, and spank my bare butt?"
"Yes, I get hot just thinking about it",
"Well, I've been thinking, I'd like to try something... different"
"Different?"
"Yeah. Promise you won't get freaked out or think I'm a pervert. I swear other couples do this, and it works for some of them."
"O...K.... what is it?"
"I want to stick the thing I pee with inside the thing you pee with."
"What????"
"Yeah, I've been thinking about this for a while. I really want to try it. I know it sounds weird. But it's really important to me"
"I don't know about this. I love you, but this is, well, an awful lot to take in. How long have you wanted this?"
"A long time. Maybe as long as I can remember. I can't deny it any longer. I think it's part of who I am".
"Let me think about it".
"One more think. I may squirt out some liquid. But I swear it's not pee".
"I need to be alone for a while."
Hahaha!!
DeleteThe biggest surprise, and it’s an ongoing surprise for me, is one that you mention, Dan: “Just how much spankings hurt.” I shouldn’t be surprised. I feared spankings when I was a kid because they hurt. I fantasize about my wife spanking me so long and hard that I cry. In my fantasies it really hurts. Yet when my wife spanks me for real, I want it to stop almost immediately because the pain always shocks me. And I don’t think my wife is even a harsh spanker based on descriptions of spankings some of you guys get. How would I manage if she was really severe?
ReplyDeleteAnother surprise is the one GLM mentions: “To end on a positive, the other thing I suppose is how imaginative my mind is on FLDD and that is what keeps me going. I have enough of it for both of us LOL.” Okay, maybe the surprise isn’t exactly how imaginative I am about FLDD. I have always fantasized about it, and I used to write online stories about it. The surprise for me is the realization that having FLR and DD in real life hasn’t curbed my fantasies. I used to think I fantasized about those things because I didn’t have them in real life. I was wrong about that. I continue to fantasize wildly, and sometimes I feel guilty about that, even though my fantasies generally involve my wife. I feel as though I should be content with what I have instead of fantasizing all the time, or getting off on the accounts of other men of being spanked by their wives.
GH
GH, you probably have plenty of company here among those of us that fantasize endlessly, regardless of how often you are spanked. I am in my 70s and it happens all the time. One thing that surprises me is how quickly I will begin fantasizing after I've had a spanking. I also enjoy reading accounts from other guys about getting spanked by their wives. I used to judge myself about it, but now I just accept and enjoy it. Fantasizing keeps me interested in sex, which is good for the relationship.
DeleteGH, it is surprising that the pain is a surprise -- yet, it is.
DeleteI was definitely surprised that my wife actually enjoys thrashing me. She grew up in a household where she was paddled and despised her parents for
ReplyDeletedoing so. When we started our dating life, we spanked each other for foreplay. She spanked me more than I spanked her. I spanked her lightly with my hand. She held resentment and still holds negative feelings for the spankings she received growing up. I thought this would affect our DD life and future punishment. I thought it would end up like my ex. She was not into it at all. As we progresses into our relationship, I dropped subtle hints how she should thrash me when I screwed up. I could never bring myself to ask for a spanking. Slowly,
It evolved overtime where I am thrashed for my behavior and at times sex comes after. Although my preference is for punishment only, I’ll take what I can get. My wife has told me it thrills her to watch me wiggle and yell out in pain. She believes I’m learning a lesson and does notice a change in behavior and affection after a good thrashing. She favors a thick strap that she knows how to wield.
My favorite part is the maternal aspect of the spanking. She scolds and explains throughout why I’m being thrashed. I like Dan was memorized by the DWC and thought all spankings had to end in crying to learn a lesson. That certainly is not the case as my bottom can attest.
T
T, I'm curious, has your wife thought about WHY she resents the spankings she got but is OK now with spanking you for real disciplinary purposes, and has she come to any conclusion about why it works for her? I can come up with the psychological theories about how someone could resent spankings they received but be OK with being on the "giving" end, but I'm just curious whether your wife has come to any conclusions about it.
DeleteDan, she felt the spankings she received were unfair. She always felt like they were the easy way out for her parents. Her Mother was a dictator so to speak. She ruled the roost and tried to dictate my wife’s life even into early adulthood college years. Her parents had that old school mentality. When I explained my upbringing and my need for discipline, I originally thought she would mock it.
DeleteAs a matter a fact, it took her a long time to tell me she was paddled and strapped at home. Originally, she said CP was only used on her older siblings. Her ex husband was emotionally abusive towards her. When I came along, she’s told me I was a breath of fresh air. An alpha male, who loved and protected her. I do have my faults and am glad she decided to take on DD. It’s not a perfect DD relationship at times, but she was willing to do it, so to change my behavior. She has seen a big change since she started thrashing my bottom. She also states, I’m a lot more loving and attentive after a good spanking.
T
T, that's great! My wife also dated a bunch of jerks before I came along. Sometimes the best way to look good is an appropriately low-bar for comparisons. Or, as a good friend of mine says, "If you want to look thin, stand next to fat people." Politically incorrect, but there's a lot of truth in the basic premise.
DeleteInteresting topic Dan. Picking up your reference to K’s comment from last week. I guess I haven’t really thought about the groupings of reasons for spankings. I’d say that the most common single trigger is behavior modification - which I find effective. Like Dan’s garage door, my most frequent small issue is forgetting to put appointments in the calendar so that things creep up on her without her knowledge. Unfortunately I seem to need a reminder on this from time to time, but for a while the consequences of forgetting are in my mind and certainly affect my actions. Sometimes it might be just punishment, in the sense that I certainly don’t need to be told that I shouldn’t be late with a credit card payment, or the time I’ve mentioned before when I requested a punishment for some stupid driving when I needed to wash away the guilt. Thinking back however about twenty years, the first real punishment didn’t come into either of these classifications. Unusual for then - and unusual for now - I had said something that really upset her. We were familiar with the DWC and had spanking play in our lives, but had never tried real punishment. I don’t remember which of us suggested it but I took a real punishment for the first time and apart from the obvious, it made both of us feel better. To be honest, I don’t remember any other occasion when a punishment was personal for her in that way, but from my point of view, dealing with any feeling of guilt with a spanking became central. Even asking for the punishment for the driving episode when she hasn’t even been there and wouldn’t otherwise have known about it. I admit to a mild curiosity as to if and how we would have made that leap into real DD if I had not been insensitive that time but I suspect that we would have got here eventually. I guess the nearest I’ve come to that since was a couple of years ago when I really lost my temper over something insignificant, I have no idea what the real trigger was, I don’t believe I’ve ever lost it like that in my life, but it happened and while it certainly was not upsetting to her personally as that first occasion, a couple of weeks later she dealt with it, she really let the anger out and it was probably the most severe punishment she’s ever meted out. I apologize for rambling a bit here, bottom line : 1. Behavior modification, which works but maybe needs refreshers, 2. Punishment, which I think does little directly for her but helps alleviate my guilt, and 3. Deal with things when I have actually upset her directly, which is the most severe and makes both of us feel better TG
ReplyDelete"Unfortunately I seem to need a reminder on this from time to time, but for a while the consequences of forgetting are in my mind and certainly affect my actions. Sometimes it might be just punishment, in the sense that I certainly don’t need to be told that I shouldn’t be late with a credit card payment, or the time I’ve mentioned before when I requested a punishment for some stupid driving when I needed to wash away the guilt."
DeleteThat's a pretty accurate statement of where I am, though I still really, really struggle with asking for one even if I think it would be me good. Also, it's not that typical for me to feel guilt about something, but I do get frustrated with myself when I could have done something to save myself time or money but my own carelessness resulted in me squandering one or both of those things. It's not really about ending the feelings of frustration or guilt but, rather, genuinely believing that being spanked more often for those kinds of things might make me more attentive to them in the future.
Also, please don't apologize for "rambling." The thing that makes this blog worthwhile is people talking and giving others their thoughts. And, honestly, user comments are my #1 way of finding topics for the following week.
DeleteRegarding what assumptions/preconceptions I had that didn't turn out that way:
ReplyDelete1) I thought spanking would distance us, given the icy air involved with giving a punishment. Thankfully, it has had the opposite effect.
2) I thought it would quickly lose its novelty and I would therefore be looking for increasingly bizarre practices. I have found that it is still effective for its direct and indirect purposes even now, several years later.
3) It would be hard to get my wife to engage with it long-term and I would have to use lots of gentle persuasion, meaning it would be hard to be effective as a punishment. She took time to get into her stride, but it fairly quickly became consistent.
4) We would be largely alone in this. I found out about my now-deceased military colleague and I am now aware of communities like this.
5) I would feel emasculated at times. On the contrary, her correction has built me into a better man, husband and father.
6) I would not be able to deal with my punishments. I find that when you see the pain as it is intended (correction), it gives you the full benefit.
J
That's a really great list, J! I hadn't thought about 2), but I have experienced a bit of that myself. It has lost a little of its novelty, but certainly not all of it. And, it has not led to looking for something different, more kinky, more extreme, etc.
DeleteYes, that’s a good list, J. Point #2 resonates with me: it is surprising that the “novelty” of spanking never seems to wear off, in the sense that, for me, it never becomes less embarrassing to have my bottom bared for punishment. Why should that be embarrassing at all? My wife has seen me naked many times, so why is taking my pants down for a spanking different. And why wouldn’t it cease to be embarrassing after a while? I don’t know, but for some reason it doesn’t.
DeleteGH
Dan, which ones of the six in my list do you find apply to you?
DeleteGH, I wouldn't say the embarrassment factor is high for me. It has been more about the pain than the embarrassment, since the pain is something one can control more accurately than embarrassment I suppose.
J
I see what you mean, J. If you ever become used to a certain level of pain, it is pretty easy for your wife to turn it up a notch. Well, that might not be true if spankings are frequent and always all out. My wife has never spanked me frequently enough for me to become blasé about the pain, and I know that she has never turned the volume up to anywhere near full. I think she occasionally likes to let me know how much more it could hurt by giving me a little burst at higher intensity than usual or concentrating on one spot for an agonizing minute instead of spreading the spanks around different parts of my bottom. Embarrassment is harder for the spanker to control, as you said, because it is in the mind of the recipient. That’s why it surprises me that the embarrassment factor has never worn off for me.
DeleteGH
J., I hate to say it, but none of those quite fit my mindset when I first suggested we try this lifestyle. The closest is probably #6. Here is how my thinking differed:
Delete1) I thought spanking would distance us, given the icy air involved with giving a punishment. Thankfully, it has had the opposite effect.
*I never worried about it distancing us. I was pretty clear that what was distancing us was the existing power imbalance. My assumption from the beginning what that DD might even out the balance, which would lead to less distance, not more.
2) I thought it would quickly lose its novelty and I would therefore be looking for increasingly bizarre practices. I have found that it is still effective for its direct and indirect purposes even now, several years later.
*I don't think I really thought about novelty one way or another. To the extent I thought about it at all, I think my assumption was that the intensity might increase *within* the DD dynamic. I did not worry about it leading to other, perhaps more intense or "bizarre" kinks.
3) It would be hard to get my wife to engage with it long-term and I would have to use lots of gentle persuasion, meaning it would be hard to be effective as a punishment. She took time to get into her stride, but it fairly quickly became consistent.
*I definitely did recognize that I needed to persuade my wife to give this a try, but my assumption was her reaction would a pretty binary yes-no. I didn't expect her to embrace it with enthusiasm, but I thought it would be either a straight "no" or she would give it a try, mostly as an accommodation to me but also with an open mind and that she might come to see it as a useful tool. I definitely did not envision a long process of persuasion and, had she said no, I probably would have just dropped the whole idea.
4) We would be largely alone in this. I found out about my now-deceased military colleague and I am now aware of communities like this.
5) I would feel emasculated at times. On the contrary, her correction has built me into a better man, husband and father.
6) I would not be able to deal with my punishments. I find that when you see the pain as it is intended (correction), it gives you the full benefit.
4) We would be largely alone in this. I found out about my now-deceased military colleague and I am now aware of communities like this.
Delete*I don't think I had any real pre-conception about this one way or another.
5) I would feel emasculated at times. On the contrary, her correction has built me into a better man, husband and father.
*I think I was very clear at the outset that being disciplined by my wife would involve a significant amount of humbling and perhaps very significant embarrassment if crying actually happened. I don't think I had any concerns about it being emasculating. I have a pretty solid male ego (probably too solid), so I never saw any real danger of being emasculated.
6) I would not be able to deal with my punishments. I find that when you see the pain as it is intended (correction), it gives you the full benefit.
*It depends on how you define "deal with." I don't think I ever thought I wouldn't somehow get through a punishment or do so psychologically intact. I did think that some kind of emotional surrender, like breaking down crying, was not only possible but likely.
Things that surprised me:
ReplyDelete1.How easily my 'vanilla' wife accepted spanking into our relationship and how it have become 'normal' for us
2. Just how much the first 30 seconds of a strapping hurt - still takes my breath away
3. Why she does not seize every available opportunity to exercise her power and implements
4. What a (positive) difference to our relationship introducing DD has made during the past 10 - 12 years.
TB
TB, I can agree with and have experienced personally every single one of those.
ReplyDeleteOn the question of what surprised me, I find it hard to come up with a clear answer because our dynamic evolved very gradually. We didn’t get to DD until fifteen years after Emma first spanked me, when we were students. I suppose there’re two issues: mistaken preconceptions about spanking and mistaken preconceptions about DD/FLR.
ReplyDeleteOn the spanking, I’m constantly shocked by how much it hurts. In my mind, it’s a warm, comforting thing to be taken across my wife’s knee and spanked soundly. The reality is always … surprising. But on the other hand, I’m also surprised at my ability to take the pain and how hard it is to achieve tears. I too imagined spankings that ended in sobbing would be possible, if only I could force myself to stay in position and take the pain. It turns out I can, mostly, stay in position, but that tears don’t correlate with severity in any straightforward way.
On DD and FLR things (the last five years for DD, with an exciting sea change to something more FLR this month) it’s harder. I already understood a lot about spanking by the time this even hit the agenda. But I think one of the things that meant it took so long to reach this stage was my anxiety that Emma really wouldn’t want to discipline me for real. I feared she’d think of me as less of a man, find me less attractive, lose respect for me. That’s not how it’s been at all.
I’m not sure it’s something I got wrong, exactly, but one of the things that continues to amaze me is how well spanking works as discipline. If you understand the point of punishment as deterrence, that makes no sense at all (because I yearn for spankings). But I’ve come to appreciate that this is too one-dimensional a way of thinking about discipline. Disciplining is fundamentally about teaching, and we’ve found that spanking is a very effective way for Emma to secure my full attention and drive a message home! With us, there’s never been any disagreement about the standards of behaviour she’s enforcing, so her spankings serve to make me confront my own failings and remind me that she expects better. (They have a retributory quality to them too - I get them simply because I deserve to suffer.) Before trying DD, my understanding of how and why it would work as behaviour modification was (by comparison) simplistic and flawed.
On the shift to FLR, the real surprise has been how much Emma likes it. Her enthusiasm levels are much higher than they’ve ever been. I didn’t expect that!
BenB
Thanks, BenB.
Delete"I feared she’d think of me as less of a man, find me less attractive, lose respect for me. That’s not how it’s been at all." I suspect many of us have shared this anxiety from time to time. What's interesting about it is we get concerned about whether our wives will lose respect for us if they discipline us, yet it never seems to occur to us that they may be losing respect for us constantly as a result of our bad or embarrassing behavior.
Our movement toward an FLR has always been kind of hit-and-miss. But, I am surprised at how much Anne gravitates toward certain aspects of it, like bossing me around when it comes to asking to clean something up, bring something in from the car, etc. She clearly gets off on it, while I hate it. And, she knows it. She says she likes it precisely because she knows how much I hate it.
“ spanking is a very effective way for Emma to secure my full attention and drive a message home!” This is for me one of the key messages & the point it took a while for my wife to get. Her initial confusion was if I wanted spanking as part of our relationship how could it help with discipline? TB
DeleteTB, I suspect many wives don't quite buy the premise at first for that same reason, especially if there is a pre-existing spanking interest involved.
DeleteI thought of another thing that surprised me. Disciplinary spankings from my wife feel less immediately sexual than I expected. In F/M spanking stories, including ones I used to write myself, the man would always get an erection when he was about to be spanked. Then his wife would spank the erection away. I don’t get erections when my wife spanks me. It’s not that I don’t find spanking sexy. I do. I have a spanking kink. I will often get an erection when I remember the spanking later. But in the moment, I don’t get erect. Maybe it’s because the feeling of shame counteracts the erotic effect of spanking? Maybe it’s because I have a feeling that getting an erection would be disrespectful to my wife? Maybe it’s because in the moment it feels emasculating to be spanked, and my failure to get an erection reflects that feeling? I expect that I am unusual in this respect, although I recall KOJ saying that being spanked by his wife didn’t give him erections either.
ReplyDeleteGH
GH, that is interesting as my experience is different. When I used to utilise professional disciplinarians there was never any sign of sexual arousal either before, during or after. With Mrs GL their is early stirring as I'm summoned and clear arousal during but the full arousal isn't complete till I am laying in bed immediately after with my bottom throbbing. Given that Mrs GL is a relatively mild spanker I have always assumed it was related to relationship closeness. Cheers GLM.
DeleteGH, I am similar. When a spanking is decreed I have the immediate "oh no" & dread... definitely no erection before, during, or immediately after. Remembering the spanking definitely and I'm often allowed to masturbate afterwards which is really nice.
DeleteGH, Although I also find spanking (very) sexy and arousing in the right context, when I'm being punished, I don't. My anticipation of a forthcoming punishment is entirely fear and dread, my experience of it is purely painful, and in the aftermath I'm filled with regret (and soreness). J goes out of her way to de-sexualize punishment. It's usually delivered post-orgasm (which I have to do efficiently with her vibrator under her supervision), which isn't fun and takes the sexual edge right off. She wants "punishment to be punishment", and for me "not to be confused about the purpose" of the ordeal. And it works. I have trouble getting aroused before a punishment spanking, and I really, really go out of my way to avoid them (mostly successfully; I'm actually punished only fairly rarely).
DeleteBut that said, I find the overall situation in which I'm punished, and the distant memory of even severe punishments at her hands, extremely erotic an arousing. So for me at least, specific punishments that are actually forthcoming or being delivered are non-sexual and. well. punishing, but the overall fact that I can *be* punished is very sexy (and comforting) to me.
writes: “J goes out of her way to de-sexualize punishment. It's usually delivered post-orgasm (which I have to do efficiently with her vibrator under her supervision), which isn't fun and takes the sexual edge right off. She wants "punishment to be punishment" and for me "not to be confused about the purpose" of the ordeal. And it works.”
DeleteK is to be respected and commended for his commitment to DD in regularly (when punished) accepting his spanking post orgasm --and if I remember accurately, with a rubber paddle. I hope your wife understands the level of obedience and respect for her authority that you are demonstrating. I believe when a woman demands you take it post orgasm and you submit to it, you have completely desexualized spanking punishment.
Both women who have disciplined me have eventually reached the point where they demanded the authority to spank post-orgasm. The girlfriend who introduced me to spanking thought of it as a limitation on her “unlimited authority” if she could not spank me “at any time for any reason,” reminding me that is what I had agreed to with her. My wife reached the same point mainly because of my behavior after intercourse.
From reading internet sources, I sense that most couples in female-led DD relationships don’t reach that point where post-orgasm spanking is used -- and I know I resisted it strongly. It's been called the nuclear option, but maybe it should instead be considered “the ultimate punishment" because life goes on after you are spanked that way, but afterward, you will do anything possible to avoid another.
My wife has told me she doesn’t need to spank as hard or as long post-orgasm, so those who have called it brutal may be overstating the case. It certainly is the most painful way to be spanked (disclosure: I have never been seriously spanked with a rubber paddle). But ironically, the spanking itself is not that hard or long. You feel it intensely because all those great endorphins are gone.
Alan
"I have trouble getting aroused before a punishment spanking, and I really, really go out of my way to avoid them (mostly successfully; I'm actually punished only fairly rarely)."
DeleteFor me, this has changed a lot over the years. For many years, I got an erection before a spanking every time. Now, it's much more hit or miss. What I'm not sure about is whether that's because: (1) discipline has become far less novel for me over time and, hence, not as "edgy"; (2) does mind now see it more as pure punishment and, therefore, I'm less aroused by it; or, (3) is it just normal aging and just one more thing that I don't get as reliably aroused by anymore.
I still enjoy erotic spanking. But J goes out of her way to make my punishments no-erotic.. However, because these punishments are so effective, I try very hard to behave well and not have to endure them. That allows us more time for play.
DeleteFor example, last weekend, J took me over her lap and gave me a long, intimate spanking with her hand and hairbrush. Then she had me go down on her. I was some seriously hot sex for both of us, with no pretense of me being punished. If she punished me that way, I'd go out of my way to misbehave!
I’m also not aroused at spanking time. I don’t have an erection prior during or after a spanking. My wife surprised me today and ordered an implement online. This is quite amazing as this was not expected. She does a lot of online ordering, but for her to order an implement online was truly shocking. She ordered not one but two and explained how things are going to change and punishments will increase with these purchases. I’m scared and intrigued all af once. When I visited a disciplinarian when younger, I also never got an erection prior or during a spanking. So we will have to see how the next week goes after receiving these.
DeleteT
T., we went about 17 years with Anne never once buying an implement. Suddenly, out of the blue, a year or so ago she bought her own bath brush. I saw it as a huge indicator that things were changing.
DeleteK said: "If she punished me that way, I'd go out of my way to misbehave!" I'm sure that is a big struggle for the women married to men who actually enjoy spankings. Anne and I are lucky in some ways that I don't get much erotic stimulation from spanking in general. It really has to involve a disciplinary/accountability/punishment component for me to get any kind of erotic charge thinking about it.
DeleteK wrote: “For example, last weekend, J took me over her lap and gave me a long, intimate spanking with her hand and hairbrush. Then she had me go down on her. I was some seriously hot sex for both of us, with no pretense of me being punished. If she punished me that way, I'd go out of my way to misbehave!”
DeleteK, that sounds wonderful! I am jealous. My wife only ever spanks me for purely disciplinary purposes. I like that she disciplines me, but I would love to experience the kind of erotic spanking you describe as a prelude to cunnilingus. I love going down on my wife, and I would love to do it after a long spanking like that. In fact, when I do go down on my wife, I like to fantasize that I have just been spanked.
GH
It surprised me how quickly my wife became such a capable spanker! The first few smacks weren't too bad, but then she picked up the intensity and the pace. Probably she was more frustrated with me than I realized, and she soon took pride in reddening my bottom. Light bruising was troubling to her at first, but we both came to accept it as inevitable.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that Beth still sees it as kind of weird, but she accepts spanking me as an intimate part of our marriage. It's funny that I'm the one who fantasizes that her sisters and friends know about our secret. Beth would be far too embarrassed (for both of us) to share it.
Kevin
Kevin, that is the same in our house, I fantacise about her two best friends knowing but as far as I know they don't. And I suspect that this is because my wife would be embarrassed to share it. I have wondered about outing myself to them...
DeleteIn an interesting example of how we all draw different lines, I was surprised at how *little* problem Anne had with even very substantial bruising right from the start. Yet, she will terminate the spanking at the slightest sign of blood, even though I think she knows that a lot of the time minor "spotting" doesn't involve any actual cutting or break in the skin.
DeleteWe’ll Ann surprised me at my last spanking. Our houseguest Libby had just left the house when Ann told me to get our martinet out, the pillows set up, and my pants down. I asked how long Libby would be gone. Ann said, “I don’t know, but I assume we’ll hear before she is back in the house. “ I answered, “I hope so!”
DeleteThe thing is, it did not seem to matter to Ann at all! It’s true that we have a Ring and probably would have had enough warning to stop before she heard a spank or my verbal reaction, but maybe not! If Ann had not heard, or cared a little as she appeared to, I could have been mightily embarrassed! And now I’m worried that Ann and I will be coming home and she’ll tell me she doesn’t care if Libby is home or not, get ready for a spanking, whether she makes me come get her or wait in our bedroom.
Somehow that’s worse than if we/ they’ve had the conversation that Ann spanks my bare bottom before it actually happens.
Fred, I can definitely see how the not knowing is way worse than having an actual conversation about it first.
DeleteAnd the other surprising point for me is the different physical & emotional impacts of different implements. We are more or less settled on two - the strap and the synthetic cane. Both cause me considerable discomfort. The strap is more surface pain unless it is a long session which creates below the surface bruising. I think of it as a 'red' pain, a real sting which can be almost unbearable but after a couple of minutes is somehow bearable. The cane is a more focused, more a 'white hot' pain which never seems to be bearable in the same way as the strap. The discomfort lasts much longer. The cane is used when we have guests (now!) and I am learning to really dislike those caning sessions mainly because of the different type of discomfort but also because I have to take the caning quietly in case of being overheard... TB
ReplyDeleteI too have been surprised at just how different the pain is with different implements and, as you note, it's not always so much that one is more or less painful than another but, rather, the quality of the pain is just different.
DeleteI've been gone all week so I am late to this conversation - lots of great comments!
ReplyDeleteThing I was wrong (or surprised) about:
1. By far the biggest shock - Just how much spankings really hurt! I had read that nothing could actually prepare your for how much they hurt - and even incorporated the idea into some spanking stories I wrote (before actually being a spanked husband) - but nothing really prepares you for that first real - long and hard - spanking.
2. How quickly my wife embraced the disciplinary wife idea - and that she never saw anything "weird" about it all. She immediately found it to be a "really great idea". This was truly one of the Great Surprises of my life.
3. How much she truly enjoys spanking me - never a chore for her. She enjoys spanking for the pure joy of spanking. Never really expected that either.
4. How effectively and quickly a sound spanking can actually adjust the male attitude and dissolve marital tensions. While I had read about this in both nonfiction articles and spanking stories, I never expected it to be as effective as it has proven to be. Invariably, when I am spanked as a result of an attitude issue (quite often) and the resulting marital tension, we both feel much better emotionally after the spanking. My attitude is always immediately improved by a sound bottom blistering, and my wife is always in a much better mood after having done the bottom blistering. --al
Al, what surprises me most about your #1 is it's not just that you can't prepare yourself for the reality of that first spanking. It's that I never seem mentally prepared for ANY spanking. That first minute or so is always so much worse in reality than in the abstract.
DeleteYour #4 should have been on my list, too. I think my original vision of DD was very "transactional," with bad behavior earning a spanking and that spanking resulting in better behavior. I did think it likely would affect Anne's attitude, giving her more confidence. I don't think I really envisioned the very direct impact (no pun intended) it would have on *my* attitude.
And just another comment - Dan wrote earlier:
ReplyDelete"The way I put it is, "DD wives may be hard to find but seem to be easily made." Meaning, I think it may be hard to find someone with pre-existing DD interest if you go looking for one. But, the stories here--and my own personal journey--have convinced me the odds are pretty good when it comes to nudging an otherwise vanilla significant-other in that direction."
This idea was certainly true in our marriage - as I have shared before. And, like Dan, I also have found this to be be a relatively common tendency in the various accounts and stories that I have read in various spanking forums over the last 25 years or so. --al
These last 2 comments from Al seem to be the case for me also. When I got together with my G/F, she had never heard of adult consensual spanking, but it didn't take her long to get very good at it. If there is tension or I am uptight for any reason, a good hard spanking usually will quickly help me to adjust my attitude. I am often spanked for forgetting things, like putting the toilet seat down. Also, I used to be pretty uptight if we were running late for something. After being spanked for rushing her, I don't do that anymore. She now has a way to correct my behavior that gets my attention immediately, and I respect her all the more for doing so. We practice weekly maintenance spankings, which usually last about 6 minutes. However, the most deeply satisfying spankings for me are for punishment, when the reason for the spanking is something she is really invested in. They are harder and go on for at least 10 minutes. During those, her arm often gets tired, so halfway through, we change positions from OTK to me propped up with pillows bent over the bed.
Delete