Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples
Club. Our weekly meeting of men and
women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.
Our wives' (or the wives in our fantasies) spanking threats or pronouncements seem to often involve that one particular position. It is also part of our shared vocabulary, such that a spanking doesn't need to be expressly stated in order for pretty much everyone to understand the connotation.
Do you use a control position
of some sort, like holding his arm behind his back or draping a leg over his?
Three weeks of lockdown. How many to go? Sigh.
Who knows. I do know I am going good
and stir crazy. I’ve always thought of
myself as an introvert, and I still know I am one. But, this lockdown emphasizes that being an
introvert is not the same as being a recluse.
I miss talking to someone over a cup of coffee in our kitchen area at
work. I miss having lunches with people.
And, while I’ve had some virtual happy hours with team members and
clients, it’s just not the same as having a live conversation over a couple of
beers in one of our friendly neighborhood establishments.
On the other hand, I’m
finding I don’t mind not dressing for work. Nor do I mind missing the daily commute
to the office or, worse, driving to the airport, finding a parking space, dealing
with security, walking through the terminal only to find out my flight is two
hours late, etc. Nope, not missing any of
that a bit.
Anyway, since we're all probably good and sick of talking about all things COVID-19, let's move on to this week's topic. Oftentimes, the discussion
around one week’s topic leads to an idea for the next. Unfortunately, not so last week. I kind of knew going into it that it would be
a topic that had little interest to most of those on the DD end of the spectrum
and much, but probably much more for the borderline Femdom folks. Which is a problem, because while I do introduce FLR themes, I really don't want this drifting off into the Femdom world with its "Mistress this" and "my Goddess that." It's just not who I am writing this blog for. It also was a narrow topic, and those
often aren’t great for generating broad enough discussion that a new topic
presents itself in the natural course of a meandering but interesting conversation.
So, this week’s topic is
totally unrelated to the last one.
Instead, it’s something that has been on my mind for a lot
recently. And, I was surprised to find
it is one that I’ve never done a full topic on.
The subject is the “over the knee” or OTK spanking position.
In preparing to write on a topics,
I often start by trying to find quotes that relate to or allude to it, even if
you have to squint a little to see the connection. I didn’t have much luck with that this time.
But, there certainly is no shortage of spanking art depicting that particular
position; my challenge this week was picking among hundreds of examples in my
collection. It is really without
question the iconic position for disciplinary spankings. It is probably the one many of us associate
with spankings some of you received as kids and with the whole maternal disciplinarian
archetype that fascinates so many of us.
Yet, as much as I gravitate
toward OTK images, and even though most of the stories on the DWC website that
were my first real exposure to Domestic Discipline revolved around spankings
delivered in the OTK position, I don’t have very much personal experience with
them. I don’t have any real recollection of receiving a spanking over mom or
dad’s knee as a kid, though I have to think I did at some point. As for adult spankings, our first few efforts at DD centered
on OTK with a hairbrush because that is what we’d read about on the DWC website. But we moved onto other positions and other
implements pretty quickly, because OTK was just awkward and didn’t seem very
effective.
Yet, recently, I find myself
really wanting to give it another chance.
Maybe it is that I have been much more open the last year or so to the
fact that the attraction to DD for me does have a pretty strong maternal vibe.
It also might be that I seem
to be more focused these days on consistency and being humbled than on severity,
perhaps because she has delivered very severe spankings for years, yet they don’t
quite get the job done in terms of bringing about the sobbing, bawling, cathartic
experience I’ve read about so many times.
Maybe a spanking that was longer and had that iconic “maternal” vibe I associate with OTK would get
me into an emotionally vulnerable place where the egoistic man finally caves
and gets reduced to a sobbing and very sorry boy.
Do you regularly use the OTK
spanking position? I’m talking about for
real discipline and not “funishment” or purely erotic spankings. Do you find it effective? Do you do it on a chair? A couch? Or, perhaps
a bed?
What implements do you
use? I still find it hard to believe
that anyone is giving or receiving much of a spanking with a hairbrush. A bath
brush is a much more terrifying instrument, but is the handle too long for
OTK?
It seems like a paddle something
like this could do the trick.
Tell us all about your OTK
experiences or desires. For the men,
does it make you feel more vulnerable or embarrassed than in other
positions? When I think of being spanked
in front of a witness, having it done OTK definitely makes the prospect seem
much more embarrassing, though I’m not sure why.
For the ladies, do you enjoy
OTK? Why or why not? Does it have an
especially maternal vibe? Is that good
or bad? Does it feel like a more
powerful or commanding position than others?
Can you deliver a really effective spanking in that position? If so, any tips for others?
Have a great week. Or, at least a not totally sucky one, under
these conditions.
My wife prefers OTK for it's intimacy and connection. I'm normally naked and at least somewhat aroused before a session, so for me it's certainly the most erotic position. Overall, it's the least painful of the three positions we commonly use, though only slightly. My wife usually uses a plastic hairbrush or paddle OTK, though I recently 'enjoyed' an OTK session with a rubber spatula that was notably painful and prolonged, during which we had time to discuss issues of concern to her in some depth.
ReplyDeleteIf I have a choice, though, I'll usually choose to be on all fours on the bed, with my wife standing behind me applying our Leatherthorn M1 strap. This feels like more formal discipline.
I think my most painful spankings, though, come from 'stand up' sessions in the kitchen with my wife using a wooden spatula.
CrimsonKing
You know what - reading the subsequent comments I see I was a bit off here. I assumed that 'over her lap' was largely synonymous with 'over the knee'. Both do have that body-to-body connection, but people see them differently. Yes, our OTK is my wife sitting on the bed, and me over her lap. We would find that armless chair position challenging as well.
DeleteCrimsonKing
I see 'over the lap' and 'over the knee' as pretty much synonymous.
DeleteOTK for me...My current SO has used this more than any..usually over her knee on the bed...although a past relationship SO was her sitting on a kitchen chair with the arm behind the back and a leg cross over mine. She used a short handled paddle that was meant for optimum sting effects. approx 4 X 8 with 5 in handle (much like the pic) and a 1/2 in thick..cried like a baby with no warm up, just punishment. About 5 min in total...
ReplyDeleteThanks, Stevie. Five minutes can seem like forever, can't it.
DeleteTraditional OTK is not used here often, but it is occasionally. My parents seemed to favor the standing position while holding our wrists together over our heads. My final childhood spanking, and the one that I feel was the spring board to my interest in adult spanking, came from my Aunt. A very traditional, clothing at ankles, over her crossed legs, bare ass, OTK spanking when I was 16. Now in our FLR and DD household, the position is seldom used mostly because of our physical sizes. I'm 6-1 about 190 and she is 5-2 and a much smaller frame. When using the OTK position we generally use the modified OTK with her sitting on the bed or sofa and I across her lap. Short handled paddles and hairbrushes are the easiest ones for her to handle. I will say at our spanking parties, the traditional OTK is very popular and I have been over the knees of all the ladies present many many times.
ReplyDeletePhysical size was another issue the few times we tried it. I'm not as big as you, but big enough to make it awkward.
DeleteCowboy....am I behind the curve and you've already shared w the group before about getting spanked by Aunt at 16?????? Damn....I can certainly see how that could launch the adult spanko thing!
DeleteOTK is for sure my favourite, both giving and receiving. I like it when the spankee is comfy, so with chest and legs supported, on a couch or a bed. I want to make it uncomfortable in the RIGHT way for a lengthy application of paddle to butt. And you have the wrong hairbrush if you don't think it can be made effective! :-) I find also that butt elevated across a big stack of pillows on the bed has many if the same feelings as an OTK, and allows for stricter application of belts and long-handled bath brushes as you describe.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great blogging!
Hi Julie! Your and Spanked Cowboy's comments illustrate another problem I see with OTK in the iconic version with the spanker sitting on a kitchen chair and the spankee draped over her knees -- it is uncomfortable but in the wrong way! The few times we tried it, I spent most of the time focusing on the pain in my elbows and shoulders, not the (minimal) pain in my butt, while she spent most of the time trying to find a comfortable position for her that kept me in place.
DeleteBy the way, love your most recent blog post. Welcome to the receiving end of the real DD dynamic! I hope it works out for you both.
Thank you Dan. While I intend to continue scening my husband as a Domme, in real-life I will be subject to spanking and timeouts for transgressions from him. Both are wildly exciting to me.
DeleteLike the others , Dev prefers otk 99% of the time. I agree the bath brush she has will make you jump out of your skin but disagree on the hairbrush. She had several but one is called a “ bake lite “. It’s heavy and leaves an impact one won’t soon forget. One of her go too paddles I’d the Spenser with the holes in it like the one shown. I’m very familiar with it. Her voice is in my head now as I think when she says “. Bring me the paddle !” I do tend to jump and wiggle during a spanking. On occasion she has used a leg lock and held my arm back to have total control. The woodshed sessions come to mind. Recently she’s started using a leather strap. New to both of us and provides a very painful impression. JR
ReplyDeleteLeather straps have been in our repertoire for a long time. I really see them as the best mid-point in terms of severity. They also tend not to cause numbing as much as the paddle.
DeleteDan,
ReplyDelete"Tell us all about your OTK experiences or desires."
OTK spanking occurred at the beginning of our marriage for fun and erotic reasons. As time moved on it was still OTK but progressed to a belt, paddle and then a cane for discipline. My wife decided to back away from frequent use of the cane after the last session when it ended up being more painful for me than she was comfortable with. She went back to slaps and paddle use. For the paddle I’m bent over, naked and my hands are usually cuffed to the wooden frame on the back side of a big lounge chair. It sounds awkward but that chair is heavy and with the cuffs on I have no leverage to get clear or move around. The paddle Carol uses is a fraternity paddle and it can be painful. The effects aren't as damaging or long lasting as the cane. She’s also making punishment and domination a more intimate and kinky experience between us with less pain and more frustration. That's both pleasure and punishment for me. She just doesn't want to be too mean at this point in time, though she said the canes are still going to be kept handy ;-)
LH
For whatever reason, paddles have always hurt me much more than canes.
DeleteThere's probably a good reason for that. Anyone can swing a paddle, and if more sting is needed a harder swing will achieve that, but it takes practice and skill to use a cane correctly. In fact, other than too-brutal judicial canings, I have rarely, (possibly never ) seen anyone use one as anything other than a "switch with a hooked handle".
DeleteA cane-stroke is not supposed to be a flick, or a straight-on swish. It's meant to be a two-part level swing with a slight pull-back before impact so as to cause a speeding of the end of the rattan. There's physics involved, with that "s"-ripple to the cane making it nasty upon impact. But to do it and achieve it on target requires expertise.
Hell, I've seen so many canings in videos with these thick canes that just end up being a straight-forward beating with a stick. And "no" I have never had a partner accomplished enough to cane properly. (It's probably why aficionados pay good money to professional English-style disciplinarians! LOL)
Just to substantiate my comment, a quick search found this:
Delete"The cane is a highly penetrating instrument of great potential severity, and care must be taken when administering it-so much is obvious. It is also lighter than it looks. But the important point is its extreme flexibility. During the quarter-second or so of flight, the instrument achieves a near semi circularity in shape. Although it may appears straight and even stiff (till it is moved), in practise it is more whip like. The arm and wrist motion is therefore a complex one. At the beginning of the stroke, the hand leads the tip of the cane; it continues to lead throughout the descent; only at the last moment, after the shortest of follow-throughs, does the wrist halt and reverse direction slightly so that the business end of the cane "catches up" at exactly the right angle to the posterior. The achievement of a good caning action is therefore a matter of some diligence and constant practise."
I have learned of this technique elsewhere in a book, but here it is again online, so again.....where have you actually seen a model in a video knowledgeable and skilled enough to do this correctly? I guess buying a cane and using it however you want is sufficient for most. ;-)
I agree that the problems we've had with the cane are almost certainly the result of inexperience and lack of practice. Unfortunately, it's kind of a catch-22, because she doesn't want to use it because it is difficult and requires finesse, but one can acquire finesse only with practice.
DeleteDan,
Delete"For whatever reason, paddles have always hurt me much more than canes."
I think the damage can be worse to my poor bum with a cane. The canes we have seem pretty hard and the impacts seem concentrated. The paddles spreads out the impacts more. My wife normally goes easy with the cane. It's painful but tolerable. The session at the end of March was a longer session than normal because she knew of my desire to have her exert more dominance in the marriage and we both seemed to get into the whole dynamic. Carol was also annoyed because I rudely corrected her in front of a friend and she didn't like my "contrary attitude", at least she said that. But, I had manned up too because when she asked me a couple of times whether I had enough I should have just said "yes”. She would have stopped, or at least we would have taken a break. Instead, once I said, “I’m Ok” and the second time she asked I opened my smart mouth and said, "I don't think I was so rude. You were oversensitive," just to see her response but, of course, I felt her response. ;-). Even she said, “The point of this is to indulge each other, but not have you so sore you'd be taking meals standing up for a month”. The canes are away, but she said, “not permanently”.
LH
Like the others , Dev prefers otk 99% of the time. I agree the bath brush she has will make you jump out of your skin but disagree on the hairbrush. She has several but one is called a “ bake lite “. It’s heavy and leaves an impact one won’t soon forget. One of her go too paddles Is the Spenser with the holes in it like the one shown. I’m very familiar with it. Her voice is in my head now as I think when she says “. Bring me the paddle !” I do tend to jump and wiggle during a spanking. On occasion she has used a leg lock and held my arm back to have total control. The woodshed sessions come to mind. Recently she’s started using a leather strap. New to both of us and provides a very painful impression. JR
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since we discussed this, so I will chime in.
ReplyDeleteMy anatomy doesn't lend itself to OTK spanking unfortunately, so my "default" has been me sitting up straight in the bed with him laying over my lap (knees included) It works quite well, and it's comfortable for me, an uncomfortable for him (as it should be)
As for being locked down, since Shilo retired in February last year, and Stitch got laid off 6 weeks ago, all of us being home every day wasn't new for us. My reduction in social events to attend and the "stay at home" orders is making me miss my lunches with friends so I can get mental (and physical) stimulation.
Missing my hugs.
That should be 6 weeks BEFORE the lockdown
DeleteHi Merry. I wasn't big into physical contact and hugging on a regular basis, but I really do miss the in-person conversations and physical proximity. Stay well!
DeleteIs there a difference between OTK and 'across the lap' ? I guess maybe TECHNICALLY, but for me it's one of those 'close enough' things to be lumped together. To be precise we use an 'over-the-lap'position on our bed with Rosa propped up with pillows against the headboard. She prefers a particular clear lucite, homemade paddle which works just fine. For really serious times we do have another similar paddle with a bit more heft.
ReplyDeleteNow, as to position, leverage, pain potential, etc. one must ask: what is the goal of a punishment session? If it's just pain then maybe OTK is not the best position. If it's comfort, then maybe the same is also true. But if it's a blend of pain, connection, expressions of correction in a blanket of 'for your own good' affection, nothing quite covers all of those bases like OTK. I mean, hell. If punishment is just about making something hurt to the maximum with nothing else, then why even spank? I'm sure a blow torch and pliers would be way more effective at inducing some behavior-altering agony. ;-)
I agree that OTK and 'across the lap' are basically the same thing.
DeleteRegarding pain and punishment, I agree in part and disagree in part. Or disagree depending on how far one pushes the point. I agree, based on years of trial and error, that some spankings are almost too painful to actually act as punishment, at least if the goals of punishment are, in part, bringing out contrition and getting one's point across that the bad behavior should end. Some tools are just so extremely painful that I don't get contrite or even close to a state of "surrender." Instead, I "man up" and just try to get through it. And, some tools are just to prone to injury inducing. We tried rubber straps for awhile, and they were both over-the-top, counterproductive painful, and very prone to cutting. On the other hand, if the pain in that blend of pain, connection, and affection is too light, then is it disciplinary at all or, rather, is it just a "scene," play time, romantic interlude . . .?
Agreed, but OTK doesn't automatically render the spanking painless. It's more about what is then used and with what level of force. My point was merely that the position has benefits that for us more than compensate for not using a standing spanker/bent spankee position that allows for greater swing.
DeleteIronically, we have used that standing position more for intense play which is exactly the concern you have for OTK. But everyone is different. Nickki prefers to stand with me bent, but even she indulged in some OTK and admitted there was a connection to it that standing doesn't convey.
Some people do find the lap-to-lap thing too suggestive of something sexual, but I see it differently in different situations. Lap-to-lap can be very sexual......but it's not automatic.....just like a hug.
I suspect that after a certain age, it would become difficult for most men not to sexualize most lap-to-lap contact. Which depending on the situation could make the position either (a) titillating; or (b) embarrassing.
DeleteDanielle here:
DeleteI agree with KD that there is a lot more to a spanking than inflicting pain, so simply increasing the intensity of the pain doesn’t necessarily make a spanking more effective. I also agree with him that an OTK spanking with a hairbrush or a paddle can be sufficiently painful to get the results I desire.
Dan, you point out that “it would be difficult for most men not to sexualize lap-to-lap contact.” I don’t honestly see how it could be otherwise. I would just add that the physical contact makes it more sexual for the woman giving the spanking too. But then, I find it difficult to think of adult/adult spanking as non-sexual in any circumstance. I mean, it isn’t erotic for me the same way it is for my husband because I don’t have a spanking kink like he does, but I am never in doubt that I am engaged in an act of sexual intimacy when I spank him, and that knowledge sexualizes it for me to some extent too.
To get a sense how sexual it is for me to give a disciplinary spanking, I devised a thought experiment. Suppose a man who wasn’t my husband asked me to “discipline” him the way I do my husband. How would I feel about that? Well, I think that if I didn’t find the guy at all attractive, my feeling would be, “Ew yuck! No!” On the other hand, if I found the guy hot, it would probably turn me on because it would feel to me like an extramarital sex act. And in that case, the physical contact involved in OTK would definitely heighten the sexual aspect.
As mentioned, before this pandemic put us all in isolation, we were about to bring my friend Barb into our FLR as a witness to a spanking. In discussing it with Barb, I was very honest about the fact that spanking is sexually charged for Wayne, even when it is punitive, and that having her as a witness is the stuff of erotic fantasy for him, and all the more so because he finds her attractive. I feel good about our plan because Barb understands exactly what she is getting into, and she says that knowing how embarrassed and turned on Wayne will probably be makes it exciting for her too. Now we just have to survive this pandemic to get a chance to act on this.
Hi Danielle. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. That is a very interesting, and telling, thought experiment indeed. I'm sorry the pandemic put a, hopefully short term, pause in your plans with Barb.
DeleteMy wife favors the OTK position 99% of the time most of all because most of the stuff she read on it including the DWC website and materials purchased from Aunt Kay seemed to favor OTK. My wife agreed that OTK was a more loving way to disciplining someone. I'm 5'9", 170 pounds and my wife is 5'3" and 105 pounds and she has no problem putting me over her knee and spanking me. My wife feels being able to put me over her knee gives her a sense of power and for me it makes me feel more vulnerable, embarrassed and very submissive. When I'm naked and over her knee I feel like I bond with her in that position. In that position when she is scolding me she brings me to tears before she even starts spanking me and when the spanking really begins I just let loose. My wife has a spanking chair in our bedroom and one in the living room. Most of the time she uses a short handle paddle but sometime a hair brush. The hair brush is always on the end table in the living room and the paddle is usually in the bedroom but a lot of times it is left in the living room.
ReplyDeleteAs far as witnesses there have been a few people that have witnessed my spankings and it is very humiliating when she makes me get naked and puts me over her knee in front of someone then makes me do corner time after the spanking. Most of my spankings are in private unless I did something to someone that she felt she should deal with immediately with them witnessing it except one time when I was over her knee getting spanked and there was a knock on the door and it was the neighbor and she invited her in. I was so embarrassed and I asked her after the neighbor left why she let her in and she said she had told her she spanked me. There are rare occasions when I will be taken to the basement and secured between two posts and get the razor strap but that doesn't happen often.
I have got to the point over the years that I'm okay with other people knowing I get spanked. I know my wife has told other people that she trust that she spanks me.
"I'm 5'9", 170 pounds and my wife is 5'3" and 105 pounds and she has no problem putting me over her knee and spanking me." I'm not sure why it was so awkward for us. My wife is a little bigger than yours, and I'm about your size.
ReplyDeleteHi Dan,
DeleteI don't know if it's the chair she uses. If a chair is too high it's more difficult but a lower to the ground chair seems to work good. She also figured out that wearing heels helps so her lap is more level rather than angling down where I can slide off.
I can see how wearing heels could make a big difference.
DeleteOTK was the first way I was spanked - and it remains the "default mode", even tough other forms of "discipline" - and other tools than the hairbrush or the kitchen spoon- were added, I still get OTK spankings (for relatively minor transgressions) once or twice a week... in addition, of course, to the (frequent) occasions when she feels the martinet, the strap, the rattan cane or the riding crop are "in order" - and "what you need"...
ReplyDeleteL.
The OTK spanking you got earlier tonight (with my favorite paddle!) may have been the reason you posted a comment - and it was effective, I can tell... as well as fully deserved - but you should keep in mind that next time (should this be needed), "the martinet, the strap, the rattan cane or the riding crop" will be applied (unflinchingly!) to your derrière !
DeleteJ.
That was not an empty threat... Over the past six days, J. has used every one of these "tools"... She claims it helps bear the stress of confinement... :-(
DeleteL.
I'm a long time reader of this blog and want to start by saying that I envy those who get disciplinary spankings from their wives. My wife Linda has known about my desire to be spanked since we dated and will indulge me with spankings as foreplay. Although I've been able to coax Linda into using the hairbrush occasionally, I've never really been disciplined by her.
ReplyDeleteBecause of the erotic aspect of our spanking relationship, these are always given over her lap. The idea of laying across a woman's knee with my pants down has been central to my desire since puberty. My own mom didn't spank, but I secretly wished that she would. And I definitely fantasized about laying across the knee of friends' moms, teachers, and classmates. If any of them happened to use that phrase in conversation, it was the most arousing thing I could imagine.
I know I should be grateful that Linda, who is a teacher by the way, is willing to play along with my desire. But I'd take a real one from her any day!
Thanks for doing this blog and especially for this topic.
Thanks, Anonymous. I hope at some point she gives you what you've been wanting for a long time.
DeleteI've never really received a OTK punishment spanking. My wife avoids it saying she can't get her arm until it, but I suspect the real reason is that it feels too maternal to her. Being seen as my mommy is a real turn off to her and I think it was an obstacle we had to overcome. She also hates being called ma'am.
ReplyDeleteShe is much happier in her role as a wife in charge who is ready to "whoop her husband's ass" when she sees fit.
This usually involves me bared and bent over for a dose of her Truro Terror rubber paddle.
Tom
Eek! As I stated in my response to KD, above, we tried but gave up on rubber paddles. Very, very nasty items.
DeleteYes, it is very painful, but doesn't bruise like the wooden paddle and bath brushes she used to favor.
DeleteMy wife likes to see that she gets an immediate reaction from me, and nothing accomplishes that like that damn rubber paddle.
Our spanking sessions aren't long, but they are intense -- which is what (as a nonspanko) she is looking for. And anything that works for her and helps maintain her authority in our relationship, works for me.
Tom
What I found with the rubber straps was they didn't bruise as much (though I bruise very little these days anyway), but they had a tendency to cut or break the skin. Worse than a cane, in fact.
DeleteOTK was Aunt Kay's more common choice of positions, especially during the first decade of our life together. But being an extremely creative person, she would think up new things, pretty much for her enjoyment. She also had a highly pragmatic streak and was very good at solving logistical difficulties. In plain English, that meant figuring what was most efficient.
ReplyDeleteSo later on when she told me to go "get ready", that meant creating a pillow/blanket pile on the bed, assuming the position, and waiting. Of course she usually didn't hurry in so there I was left waiting with all that entails. Then again when she was really angry and did come in immediately, that was probably worse.
Sometimes she would tell me to lay out some implements, but not specify which ones - a humiliating task and also a difficult one for me.
The "position" I hated the most, by a mile,l was standing on the deck leaning over the rail. For one thing it was freakin OUTSIDE, and even though we were rural and it was private, sound carries, and people could, possibly, be in the woods we were surrounded by. And maybe the worst part was that it was always the damn cane out there.
"Then again when she was really angry and did come in immediately, that was probably worse." For some reason, this has never really happened with us, and I kind of wish it would.
DeleteI've also never been spanked outside. On a deck would be a big issue for us, since we live in a place where if I want to talk to borrow a cup of sugar from my neighbor we could just hand it from their window to mine.
My former girl friend liked to administer punishment outside or in semi private spaces where the chances of detection were not high, but high enough to add some real tension to the event. So I got spanked by her on hiking trails ( several times), inside her utility shed in a dense neighborhood, the back of my car along a country road and on her deck ( after darkness). I think being outside empowered her or loosened her inhibitions. She was just bolder when outside. My wife has also disciplined me out of doors, but she has never been as enthusiastic about it.
DeleteAlan
Tomy, I see that Aunt Kay liked to make you wait in position the way I often do with my husband. Now that you mention it, I think it is probably true for me as well that if I am really angry, I follow him immediately to the bedroom. But I can also attest making him wait can be enjoyable. It feels empowering. Sometimes I will even have a cup of tea or make a phone call while he is waiting.
DeleteI know that being spanked outdoors is a potent fantasy for Wayne. It’s exciting because it feels naughty, a bit like skinny dipping, which is a turn on for me too. Our situation at home is like Dan’s. We don’t have enough privacy for me to spank Wayne outside. However, I have done it while traveling. Once when we were on a road trip, I got fed up with him swearing about the “f**king useless GPS.” We were in the middle of nowhere, so I ordered him to pull off onto a country road. He argued a bit that I couldn’t spank him there because someone might come along, but I felt as though the risk was small, so I made him take down his pants and bend over the hood for a quick hand spanking. (My hairbrush was too deeply buried in the luggage). I don’t think my hand hurt him much, but my outdoor display of authority changed his mood for the better. LOL
Danielle
Personally, I find the thought of a spanking that happens immediately and in anger very alluring, even if it would not seem so at the time.
DeleteI agree with you , and some other posters who stated that a chair does not work well for spanker or spankee due to awkwardness and discomfort. Due to weight differential and gravity , the man will gradually slide down her lap making it hard for her to hit those tender sit spots.
ReplyDeleteOne thing to remember with OTK is that it draws most of its power from just the arms , unlike a standup position where power is added from the legs , shoulders and back muscles , not to mention allowing a wider swing.
Also holding , usually a larger person , in place over her lap is an unwanted distraction.
As Julie mentioned , the right choice of brush or paddle is important also.
My wife prefers a stand up position to otk these days , and when she does use OTK she is seated comfortably either on the bed or sofa which supports my weight .
I also find that how she spanks in otk is key , as overall power is reduced , she cannot rely on measured single 'hard' spanks to have an effect . I find if she spanks rapidly without pause , usually 15-20 licks non-stop , and concentrates on one tender spot it really makes me kick.
For 'playful' spankings we prefer the intimacy of an otk spanking of course.
I also get a real charge from hearing her command to get over her lap and little gestures like patting her lap.
Let's face it there is nothing more inviting than a shapely female lap , especially when she wears stockings .
That smooth milky white skin just draws you over it!
Hi Glen. All great observations!
DeleteMy feelings about OTK are complicated. When Art first asked me to use corporal punishment, we agreed to no OTK because neither of us wanted it to feel maternal. This is wide administered behavior modification, pure and simple, with no sexual component.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I enjoy receiving OTK hand spanking as foreplay, with no punishment component. That is very sexual for me.
As a child, I and my siblings all were spanked a lot, always OTK by mom and sometimes by dad. Mom was partial to the wooden spoon in the kitchen, using a kitchen chair with us balanced over her lap. It stung like the dickens and I did not enjoy it a bit.
I have not tried to reconcile these three situations that are so different from one another. I have just accepted them.
Liz
Hi Liz. While the nature of this kind of forum is often to poke and prod and examine, there is also a value in not overthinking something that is working. And, I think there just isn't an answer for how we react in the way we do to certain things that seem to be entirely context dependent. What we didn't find pleasurable or desirable at all as children could be sexy as an adult, as with your foreplay spankings. As you say, the three situations are so different from one another, and that makes all the difference.
DeleteYes I agree, Dan. Sometimes we can overanalyze ourselves and ruin something by doing so.
DeleteI meant to write "wife-administered behavior modification" in my post.
Liz
Interesting topic. This was something that actually surprised me. Like so many of us guys I always envisioned OTK. Given size differential we started w over lap on the bed. I was interested to hear Tom comment that his wife wasn't a fan of OTK because she didn't like the "Motherly" aspect....I started to suspect that was what my wife didn't like as well. I was surprised that my wife's natural inclination was to have me stand nude, w her at my side, holding my upper arm and swing that way with the paddle I made for her. OUCH.
ReplyDeleteHi Darren. Sorry the delayed response. That maternal thing does seem to be a tricky issue, with some women really wanting it, while others are repelled by it.
DeleteDanielle here:
ReplyDeleteMy preferred position for spanking Wayne is me standing up and him draped over the end of the bed with his pants around his knees and a folded pillow under his hips to elevate his bum. There are several advantages to this position:
1. It is the most comfortable for me because Wayne is quite a bit bigger.
2. When I tell him he should go to the bedroom and take his pants down, he knows to get in that position. Then, depending on my mood, I can either follow him to the bedroom after a couple of minutes, or I can let him wait for a while. Wayne used to keep a “Submission Journal” to share his thoughts, feelings, and fantasies about FLR with me, so I know that having to wait in that humiliating position has a psychological impact on him.
3. That position is amenable to any implement I decide to use, whether a hairbrush, my cutting board paddle, the strap, or one of his own belts.
4. Scolding is usually a big part of the punishment, and I find that being able to pace around the room between volleys of spanks helps the words to flow.
That being said, I like to spank OTK from time to time because I also know from Wayne’s journal that he finds that position more shaming because it is the archetypal parent/child spanking position. I don’t know that it makes me feel especially maternal, but it is certainly infantilizes him. OTK is not a convenient position for using my harshest implement, the strap. Usually I will begin an OTK spanking with a brief hand spanking, then switch to a hairbrush or paddle. Without putting a lot of thought into it, that just feels like the natural way to do it. (When my sons were children, spankings were most often OTK with my hand, but just my hand isn’t sufficient for an adult male, so a hairbrush or paddle is needed). I find an OTK spanking to be a potent prelude to some other infantilizing punishment like suspending Wayne’s allowance, grounding him, or taking away privileges.
Dan, you commented that when you fantasize about being spanked in front of a witness, you feel that OTK would be extra embarrassing, but you aren’t sure why. I can’t speak for you, but I would speculate that it is because you would feel that your wife would be stripping you of your status as an equal adult by taking you OTK in front of a witness. Can you imagine how embarrassed you would feel if your wife did that and also imposed some non-spanking punishment in front of the witness? As you know, I was very close to spanking Wayne in front of my friend Barb before this stupid pandemic delayed the plan I was cooking up with Barb. Your comment makes me think OTK would be the most impactful position when we are finally able to put our plan into action.
Hi Danielle. Not to be technical, but the word I used was "think" not "fantasize" about witnesses. I make the distinction here only because, while I have had at least one dream about being spanked with others knowing it was about about to happen, and another about being spanked in a place where someone might come upon the spanking while it was happening, I don't really fantasize about witnesses. It's such a common thing in spanking drawings and stories, it would be hard not to think about it, but it's not part of any active fantasy for me. Though, as noted, I do think it could be very humbling, embarrassing, reinforcing as to one's role, etc.
DeletePants around the knees is something else we seldom if ever do, though I can see how it would also be humbling/infantalizing.
Dan, I'm sorry for using the word "fantasize" instead of "think". It is not the word I meant. I actually thought after posting that I had used the wrong word. I meant "fantasize" in the sense of "imagine", but the connotations of those words are different too, now that I think about it.
DeleteDanielle
Danielle,
DeleteI can tell you from experience of being spanked bare bum in front of my wife's sister that embarrassment is just part of it.It moves DD from any semblance of role play to ultra real once a third party has witnessed a punishment. I felt I could no longer deny I was a spanked husband and under my wife's disciplinary authority. It is embarrassing but also liberating.It also makes a witnessed spanking or even the threat of one something to be avoided because my wife spanks harder and longer when her sister is present.It is embarrassing for me but paradoxically it also makes surrendering to her and that spanking easier. One (of many) reasons my wife chose her sister was that her sister and I had a strained relationship and my wife felt being spanked in front of her would be extra humbling. It was, but ironically she and I have become better friends to the point she has actually become my advocate in some areas
Alan
Hi Alan. "It moves DD from any semblance of role play to ultra real once a third party has witnessed a punishment." Not to doubt or question your experience at all, but that just seems so counter-intuitive to me in some ways, maybe because as I said to Danielle, witnessed spankings seem to play such a huge role in the DD fantasy world of drawings and stories. Can you give any more insight on why it made things more real for you?
DeleteHi Dan,
DeleteThere were probably several factors that made it seem more real. One was certainly her push to do it. She proposed and set up a witness without resistance or much input from me. But her wanting to make this public statement just underscored how committed she was to discipline. Related to this was moving from private space for spanking to public space. An audience changes everything as I think many actors and performers will attest. Having a TV camera present might be an analogy. She became the consummate disciplinarian in front of her sister and I had never seen that in quite the same way. Then the punishment itself was very real because she requires me to cum before her sister arrives. My wife is very liberated and not prissy at all. But she did not (and does not) want her sister to see an election (which sometimes happens). So the spanking had no sexual aspect from the beginning. Finally my sister in laws casual and relaxed demeanor throughout made it seem just like another husband getting spanked on a Thursday night. Nothing unusual here. And this sense of normality she projected also made the whole experience more real
Alan
Danielle, Dan:
DeleteDanielle,
"4. Scolding is usually a big part of the punishment, and I find that being able to pace around the room between volleys of spanks helps the words to flow."
Yes, scolding does add something to the punishment. When my wife uses the cane, she seems to be more at ease scolding me in between strokes and I feel quite humbled and submissive. Carol scolded me a lot about telling her she was wrong about something in front of her friend in what she felt was a disrespectful way. The way she verbally went on and on in a tear definitely proved to me what I said bothered her. Quite honestly, if there's a situation that's similar in the future, I'm going to hold my tongue, or speak to her privately. I'm paraphrasing but that was her final sentence on the subject, though she scolded me for a few other things such as forgetting who was in charge from time to tie.
Dan,
"I don't really fantasize about witnesses. I do think it could be very humbling, embarrassing, reinforcing as to one's role, etc."
Well, Carol said it would be fun, at least once, to out me as her "big, bald submissive husband that gets spanked by his own wife in regular punishment sessions" as she put it, under the right circumstances. She thinks it would need to be to strangers we would never see again, such as a wife and husband, while we are on vacation. That would be a humbling experience for me, though she said she would not be comfortable punishing me in front of someone.
LH
Dan, a question occurred to me about something you said: “Pants around the knees is something else we seldom if ever do, though I can see how it would also be humbling/infantalizing.”
DeleteI have always just assumed that most spankings are done the way I spank my husband, with his pants and underwear pulled down to bare his bottom. When you say “pants around the knees” is something you don’t do, does that mean that you get completely naked for a spanking?
Danielle
Yep, completely naked. In fact, over close to 15 years of this, I don't think we've ever done it any other way.
DeleteDan,
Delete"Yep, completely naked. In fact, over close to 15 years of this, I don't think we've ever done it any other way."
I was disciplined with clothing on or with my pants down early in our relationship. When we had more privacy, I began to be disciplined naked. I find it humbling, and a tad frightening, when Carol says, "I want you to go to the bedroom (or downstairs), take your clothes off and wait for me." Her tone, and then the waiting, make it a humbling experience.
Which reminds me to ask, with some comments mentioning witnesses, have you and you wife ever been caught, or almost caught, in the act? A few years ago, our daughter dropped in on a Saturday afternoon unexpectedly. My wife had just completed punishing me with my belt for secretly smoking with the neighbor. I had smoked a couple of cigarettes with him, and Carol came home early before I could wash up and cover my tracks. She smelled the smoke on me. Smoking was bad enough but denying I had was stupid and made it worse. She was extremely upset because I had quit smoking after I had a mild case of pneumonia that past winter. My wife punished me in our bedroom and then went downstairs to fix tea. I came down still putting my belt through the belt loops on my pants and our daughter was there. We know our daughter didn't know what happened, but she might have if she arrived about 10 minutes sooner.
LH
Danielle here:
DeleteAllan, thanks for your input about being spanked in front of a witness. That is of interest to me, having decided to take our FLR down that road. You say that it has been “liberating” for you, in spite of the embarrassment. I imagine it has been liberating for your wife as well to be able to show off the authority she wields to her sister. I get that having a witness would make it feel “more real”. Btw, I’m a bit jealous of women who have sisters because of the kind of the closeness I imagine sisters to have. I could be wrong, but I imagine that if I had a sister I would have told her about FLR long ago.
I already wrote about this on Dan’s blog months ago when it happened, but I have revealed the full extent of our FLR to two women: my closest friend Barb and Wayne’s sister Liz. After years of wearing the pants in my marriage behind closed doors, I had an overwhelming urge to make it more real by telling someone. For Wayne the most embarrassing thing was my letting his sister in on it. I swore Liz to secrecy, but one never knows whether people really keep secrets. I know Wayne wonders whether Liz might have told her husband and maybe even her adult daughter. That uncertainty sure makes big family dinners interesting. Liz enjoys teasing Wayne about it, sometimes making cryptic allusions in the presence of family.
After telling Liz and Barb about our FLR, I had a desire to show off my power by actually disciplining Wayne in front of one of them. I know from Wayne’s journal that he has always fantasized about witnesses, but he thought doing that for real might be TOO embarrassing. He said that if I insisted on involving a witness, he would prefer that it be Barb because it would embarrass him too much to involve his sister.
My original plan to see whether Barb might like to be a witness was suspended when Wayne developed health concerns that drove it out of mind. I began to think about it again once Wayne’s health improved, and a recent conversation with Barb which got into intimate details about both our marriages seemed like a natural opening to ask Barb whether she would be interested in witnessing a spanking. Turns out she is interested. In fact she is downright enthusiastic about it, and we have had fun plotting how we would go about it. Unfortunately, our plan has been temporarily shelved because of the pandemic.
Alan, you mentioned that your wife spanks longer and harder in front of her sister to make it more real. I understand that. Barb knows that Wayne has a spanking kink that was the starting point of our FLR, but I explained to her that just because a man has a sexual craving for discipline, that doesn’t mean a disciplinary spanking isn’t real. If we ever get the chance to put our plan into action, I plan to demonstrate the reality by spanking Wayne a little longer and harder than usual. To make the FLR dynamic really clear, I will probably demonstrate my power to give additional consequences on top of spankings too.
Dan and LH, I am fascinated that your wives ask you to undress completely for spankings. I have never considered doing that with my husband. I'm not sure why. I guess it's because spanking my husband *does* have a maternal vibe for me, and no mother would ever require a child to undress completely for a spanking. At least I don't think so. That would be weird. And making my husband get undressed completely would seem like a waste of his time, given that his bum is the only part of him that NEEDS to be bared for a spanking.
DeleteDanielle
Hi Danielle. I can't really walk you through any thought process that led to that for us. It's just kind of what we've always done. If we had any express discussion about it when we began DD, I don't have any recollection of it. I've always been curious about whether pants around the ankles might create an additional sense of vulnerability, because it would kind of impede mobility and make it harder to get out of some positions.
DeleteHello Danielle,
DeleteMy wife gets a power rush from me being naked it in much the same way as I feel very vulnerable standing or bending in front of her awaiting punishment. She's indulging me, well, we're indulging each other. We used to do OTK with pants down at the ankles a lot. When we had more privacy it changed to no clothing or just panties for me. It allows me to easily get into whatever position she says, and she usually wants me to "be quick about it" so I don't have to deal with removing pants and shoes. I will admit that being naked and seeing her holding one of the canes or paddles gives new meaning to showing her "respect". lol
LH
Danielle,
DeleteLets hope you get the opportunity to spank Wayne in front of a witness soon. It is an experience neither of you will ever forget although only one of you may be eager to repeat it.BTW, not sure why you selected Barb instead of Wayne's sister but that was probably a good decision.Sisters are great to confide in but not necessarily great to be spanked in front of. It just has the possibility of opening too many issues. If my wife decided to spank me in front of my sister I would have to accept it but don't think it would be healthy for either of us
Alan
In my mind, spankings for grownups is a mixture of pain and embarrassment. And to me, it is the embarrassment that is the worst part in the moment, but also the part I look back on and get excited about (or look forward to). But over time, as a couple does this for years, a lot of the primal embarrassment goes away by dint of repetition. Still embarrassing, but not as primal as it used to be. Adding a new witness into the mix, or even a mention of spanking for discipline to a new person, puts the primal embarrassment factor right back through the roof.
DeleteMy embarrassment when spanked in front of her sister has not abated yet but it only happens a couple of times a year or less and my wife dwells a lot ( much more then usual) on why I am being punished and makes me talk about it and that intensifies the embarrassment. But I take your point: if she invited another witness I might feel even more embarrassment than from her sister depending on who it was.
DeleteAlan
juliesp, Dan,
Delete"But over time, as a couple does this for years, a lot of the primal embarrassment goes away by dint of repetition. Still embarrassing, but not as primal as it used to be."
CarolH (LH's wife):
This is such an eloquent statement because it explains a significant part of the reason my husband and I graduated from OTK spanking, by hand and using other implements, to a more elaborate discipline protocol which is typically me using a paddle or a cane on his bum while he's on his feet or bent over with his hands restrained. He’s enjoying a break from the cane, but he’s been advised that it’s not permanent and I’ll surprise him one evening very soon. Discipline can get repetitive after a number of years. It’s true even if my husband still craves the attention I give his bottom when he's misbehaved and the discipline is real, or when it's just time to firmly show him who's boss AGAIN. Changing it made sense.
Adding a "witness into the mix" is a fantasy of mine. I'm not sure I could do it. I have been seriously tempted to "out him" verbally to a stranger, preferably a woman. It would have to be the right situation (such as the two of us on a long vacation like a cruise). I've told him, and he's fine with the idea. We have a mutual friend who suspects our discipline secret, but she doesn’t know for sure. I've encouraged my husband in the past to take me in hand for my own transgressions in order to switch things a little. Unfortunately, he's simply too devoted to me for that but I shouldn't complain.
Thank you.
I agree with all the statements about how the primal embarrassment does go away over time. When I think back to my initial discovery of DD, I think it was the embarrassment that accounts for a huge amount of the odd mix of fascination and terror. And, I think there is still some primal embarrassment there, in the form of my resistance to crying.
DeleteI am so much bigger than G that otk is pretty much impossible. She prefers me over the foot of the bed with a couple of pillows to elevate my rear. I am always completely naked with corner time before for reflection. Her 3 implements of choice are my heavy leather belt. A plastic hair brush. And a bamboo back scratcher. She uses all 3 every time and that bamboo hell stick hurts the worst. Spankings usually last until I am in tears and I feel the effects for days. I try to avoid them but it never seems to be much more than a week before I am naked in that corner faced with another dose of G's loving correction. Ouch
ReplyDeleteDale, can you describe the bamboo back scratcher? The back scratchers I've seen in the past seem like pretty flimsy things.
DeleteWell I suppose it flimsy enough. You could break it with ease. G applies it so that it whips and cracks. I'd rather take twice as many with the belt.
DeleteJimmy is a foot taller than me but I do think I will put him over my knee at some point. He definitely wants me to. I have said no because I am avoiding all physical contact with him at this point. Which is really hard because we are living in the same house! But I am not going to sleep with him until we are back together for sure. It's probably going to happen but I need to know that he truly respects me this time around. I will say this, he definitely respects that bath brush! And being denied is getting him to respect me too.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of having a big strong macho husband who I can take down any time I want. Over my knee like a bad little boy will just add to my power. But power over him is not the same as respect. I've been quoting Aretha to him. "What you want, baby I got it. And what you need, you know I got it. All I want is a little bit of respect." I'm being pretty strict. Every time he disrespects me, the bath brush makes an appearance...
Belle
Aretha definitely is a great role model when it comes to strong, powerful confident woman!
DeleteOn the topic of outdoor spankings - although they have never been my fantasy per se, I will share an exceptionally intimate anecdote. On the very day of our marriage, before ceremonial time, Aunt Kay and I took a romantic walk in the woods and she flipped my lid by getting me to find a switch and using it on my bared bottom, OTK, while seated on a log. She was not angry or anything. We were in a super-joyous loving space.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great memory! Thanks for sharing.
DeleteOver the knee/across the lap is the usual for us. I often use phrases like "a trip across my lap" when talking about disciplining husband. Usually, it's on the couch, I've done it on the bad and an armless chair, too. The chair's not uncomfortable for me, but it is for him. When he complains about discomfort, I remind him it's discipline,
ReplyDelete"it's SUPP-O-O-O-O-O-O-SED to be UNCOMFORTABLE". I have this witch cackle/annoyed mother in law tone in my voice when I say it to him which enhances my authority over him.
The implements I use for across the lap are an old, heavy wood hairbrush, an bath brush with a bent handle, a bathbrush, a short leather thingy called a "thigh slapper", a leather paddle and the implement he fears the most, The Brown Spanking Paddle. The last one is a wood paddle a few inches wide with a handle and a "business" end of a little less than 12". It was the first implement I used on husband that brought tears. Now, just about anything brings tears. If I use the bath brush across the lap, I "choke up" (that's how husband describes it) on the handle. I use the bath brush if he's standing or face down on the bed, too, but, then I can use the whole handle.
In fact, there's a standing position I sometimes have him take. It's not really "standing", since he bends over and clasps his hands behind his knees. Usually, I make him do this when he's in 6" heels. It's very uncomfortable for him and hard for him to hold it, but part of his discipline is he's got to hold it. Then I pull down his panties and use either the bath brush or tawse.
Usually, the tawse is reserved as a specific penalty for something that always happens with husband in a Disciplinary Session. When husband pays that penalty, he's in the "diapering position". The tawse doesn't work well across the lap.
I don't use the cane often and I don't give him more than 12 strokes because I'm afraid I'll break the skin. Blood's a hard limit for husband. Since I work in a large hotel, I see Dominatrixes visiting on outcalls, so I asked a couple of them about caning. One was actually very happy to give me some pointers and had me practice on oranges. A couple of them explained about suddenly pulling back your wrist just before the stroke lands. Once I've used the cane on him, though, I can't give him anything else until the welts heal, since I'm afraid I'll make him bleed. If I've decreed a caning for him, I usually require him only to dress in "business" lingerie (bra, panties, garter belt, stockings, slip) and minimal makeup and jewelry. The Disciplinary Session is usually short, too. I've seen these OTK canes on the internet, but, never tried one.
There's definitely a sexual element to this. Since the curator of this blog wants to avoid any hint of pornography, I won't go into detail, but, it's definitely there.
Somebody mentioned witnesses. It's part of his penalty. I use humiliation as a disciplinary tool. He still has a limit against male witnesses, unless it's a party or event, but, female witnesses are a regular thing.
Hi Cecilia. I don't have a problem with pornography and, in fact, I'd classify a hell of a lot of the drawings I post as a form of porn. I've had one commenter object, but her request that I not post anything she saw as "pornographic" wasn't a request that I honored. The things I want to avoid are comments that focus on Femdom and scening spankings, and Master-slave relationships, not because I have a problem with them but because they aren't what this blog is for and there are lots of other outlets for people who are into those. I admit, though, it's not a bright line and I have to apply a bit of the Potter Stuart "I know it when I see it" test.
DeleteHi Cecilia,
DeleteThe reluctance of males to be spanked in front of another male is apparently very much a male status thing. We had at least one earlier discussant on this blog who reported being disciplined with his male friend by their wives and as I recall, it was more of a bonding experience than embarrassing. I have had a long correspondence with a European gentleman claiming decades of experience being disciplined by two different wives. One story he told me was about serving as a "guinea pig" for his wife instructing another couple in the fine art of discipline.He found that very embarrassing and humiliating especially when the male witness taunted him.But a year or so later he found himself being disciplined along side the same fellow and found that not embarrassing at all.So I take it from this that being spanked with or in front of another male is not such a problem if that males status ( already spanked or about to be spanked) is the same as your own. Having said all this I personally have no desire to have another male present when I am disciplined. But I do see the difference determined by the relative status of the males involved.
Alan
OK, thanks, Dan, but if I cross the line, please understand I didn't mean to. I've been shy in the past so I wouldn't get on anybody's bad side. I like this blog, even if I'm only an occasional visitor.
DeleteAnd Alan, I think it's a male thing. Since I introduced him to chastity and spanking when he was still my bf, I did have to break down some macho barriers and it's been a slow process. It's one reason why I always have him dressed and in make up, perfume and jewelry. He's more submissive when I feminize him.
I also think you're right about the "status" thing. It took some persuading to get him to go to a party. I told him all we had to do was watch and he didn't have to get disciplined. I did make him dress for it and he was reluctant, even when we got to the house. Once he saw other men getting disciplined by their wives and girlfriends, he was actually OK with it and I got to put him across my lap at that party.
He still winces a little bit when it's a party or event where some of the disciplined spouses have to wait on the disciplinarians and he has to serve something to a male, but, he does it. It's something like he's in his maid uniform and he has the drink tray. We give orders or ring a bell, and I can see him wince a little sometimes when a male calls him over to bring a drink.
He's had to stand in corners next to other disciplined husbands at these parties, too, and seems OK with it. I'm the only one in our little group of about 10 couples who feminizes my male. The other 7 wives/GFs don't. We have 2 couples where the husband disciplines the wife, too. He's stood in a corner next to a spanked wife, too. In fact, it was a coincidence, once, both me and the disciplinary husband had decreed pink lingerie for our spouses, and they were next to each other in the corner in their pink underwear sniffling and sobbing.
One thing I forget to put in my first reply was I like across the lap/OTK,. because I'm in direct control of him and personally restraining him. Sure, when he's tied or belted down or handcuffed, he's helpless, but, I have direct control over him when he's across my lap and I put my hand over his mid section, have him in a leg lock or pin his arm behind him. I prefer pinning his arm behind him and I pin it up and tight to maximize his discomfort. This is discipline. It's supposed to be uncomfortable for him.
Dan,
ReplyDelete"The things I want to avoid are comments that focus on Femdom and scening spankings, and Master-slave relationships, not because I have a problem with them but because they aren't what this blog is for and there are lots of other outlets for people who are into those."
I will be careful too, Dan. I probably relate too much! Though, I am grateful to this blog because when my wife read some of my past comments she realized I truly wanted her to step up with more "control', and it certainly worked out. Since DD is in the mix, I'll concentrate more on comments relative to that. I’m sure DD is not going away ;-)
LH
Personally, I really appreciate people keeping the more intimate aspects of their sexual practices private. I'm sure I am on the "prim side" when it comes to those things. I'm also pretty sure it's a big part of what keeps me comfortable here and away from many other sites.
ReplyDeleteI agree, and it's also a matter of whether the comment is really about DD or something else. The more sexually explicit the comment, the more likely it is off in Femdom, BDSM or Master-slave territory and really not about discipline. I totally get that all of TTWD is complicated with lots of varied practices, but I do not want to make this a generalized kinky-sex blog. There are lots and lots of venues for that out there. I always wanted this blog to be a real community of people united by a common relationship practice. I get that can put some constraining limits on the conversation, but that's kind of the intention. If you want something more sexualized, take a look at Julie's blog or KD's.
DeleteWhich an artist like KD would understand perfectly; it's the constraints that make great art. What you select to put in as well as what you opt to leave out.
DeleteI wonder whether some of the dissatisfaction that people have with OTK is due to them spanking in ways that don't work as well in that position. As someone else pointed out the motion is limited to the muscles of the arm, so that means less power. Seems to me then that the best match for the position is a spanking consisting of many medium force swats, more sting than thud, where the implement can be snapped down by using the elbow and wrist. The implements that look like they would work best in that setting are a stout wooden spoon, a long handled hairbrush and a light paddle of similar shape. I'm sure that particularly strong spankers can raise bruises, spank with a lot of thud and use heavier implements, but maybe not everyone can be effective doing that.
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree there sometimes a match, or mis-match, between position and implement.
DeleteYou can make adjustments with anything wood, as it's solid and doesn't bend or fold or flop. This is why I can use that bath brush on husband or the Brown Spanking Paddle. The wood implements tend to be good for a variety of positions. I have this one leather paddle that has something in it that keeps it stiff, so I can use that when he's across my lap, too. With any of these, you just move up on the handle.
DeleteI have a sorority paddle, but I'd never use that when he's across my lap. It's too heavy and awkward for that. As Jake points out, you get only your arm and for me, at least, that's not enough to use such a heavy implement. I don't use it too much anyhow, even when he's standing or bent over something.
The same for the tawse. It's too floppy and too long. This "thigh slapper" thingy is floppy, but it's short enough to use effectively when he's across my lap.
At the same time, my hairbrush isn't effective when he's standing up, bent over, lying on the bed or in the diapering position. The tawse and cane are. The thigh slapper thingy is too. I can use the whole handle on the bath brush if he's not across my lap. In fact, husband says he feels its "message" more if I use the whole handle, but he says he expects that. Husband knows about things like that and I don't.
A belt isn't effective over the knee, but, it is in any other position. You have to match the implement with the position. Sometimes, it's trial and error. If I get a new implement, I'll change our ritual a little bit. First, I'll have him bring me a reliable implement. I set it aside, then have him bring the new implement. If it's working, I just continue the Disciplinary Session with it. If it's not working, I can figure it out pretty fast, so I just switch to the reliable one.
A Disciplinary Session usually involves him being in different positions, so, I'll try the new implement when he's in different positions to see which one works best.
Regarding spanking positions used on my husband, yes, the over-the-knee position has a maternal vibe, which is precisely the reason I don't use it. I want corporal punishment do have adult overtones, rather than infantile ones, e.g. along the lines of how Singapore does it. We tend to use ones with him leaning against a chair, table, bed or whatever. I am able to get a better swing than with OTK as well.
ReplyDeleteMy own perspective is that a "maternal" aspect in a DWC relationship is not the same things as rendering the man infantile at all. In fact, I think that there would have to be a specific intention to do that.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the maternal aspect was always more like experiencing the awesome power of the feminine urge toward life and health. The universal goddess teaches, heals, nurtures, and punishes all as a manifestation of love.
So when I occasionally experienced mama bear treating me like an errant cub, I was not infantilized, or belittled as a man. I was being put in my place before the Goddess, and being made better and stronger for it.
Beautifully put, Tomy. Pete is going to memorize part of this (with some encouragement)!
DeletePete's Wife
I'm honored.
DeleteAgreed, that's a great way to put it.
DeleteThe ultimate expression of wifely authority is to say "Pull down your pants and get over my knee" and have the husband obey immediately and silently. I am proud of Pete as he submits to discipline. Nor does he seem to mind. He calls the above sentence "the sexiest nine words in the English language."
ReplyDeletePete's Wife
I've noticed some disciplinarians tell their husbands/boyfriends to take down their pants, some prefer to undo the husband's/boyfriend's pants and take them down. My Rule is I pull down his panties and pull them back up. Early on, he made the mistake of pulling his panties back up after I'd let him up off my lap. I pulled them right back down and he want back across my lap. For me, pulling down his panties is part of how I express my control over him. I feel less in control of him if he pulls them down.
DeleteYou are only the second women I have heard say that and describe the process involved which is really a ritual supporting a wife’s total authority about discipline. The first was my former girlfriend who introduced me to Dd. She did not make extensive use of panties but panties or male briefs, she was the one who took them down signaling the beginning of “discipline rules” and they did not go back up again unless she did it or “explicitly” gave me permission to do it. That second rule was particularly stressed. Once early in our relationship I was being spanked, pants and shorts wrapped around my ankles when suddenly her mother made a surprise appearance calling from the kitchen. My girlfriend pulled me into a nearby bathroom, expecting me to get presentable, then come and say hello to her mom. But she never pulled my pants back up and that rule had been so drilled into me I decided to play it safe and wait it out. That turned into almost an hour closed up in a small room until she collected me when her mom left. We both had a laugh about it but she was pleased I had obeyed the rule even though it created an awkward moment with her mom. Looking back on it, the rule was really a powerful ritual that neatly book-ended the beginning and end of discipline
DeleteAlan
Pete also needs permission to pull up his pants. Usually after cornertime with them down around his ankles and his red rear on display. I sometimes take his pants down but I usually make him do it because it shows his obedience and ability to follow directions. If I am especially irritated with him, I may jerk them down myself - pants and underpants all in one swift move.
DeletePete's Wife
Hi Pete's Wife. Those spanking phrases really do have a way of getting deeply into a husband's psyche and, like the OTK position itself are sometimes so iconic.
DeleteAlan,
ReplyDelete"...a ritual supporting a wife’s total authority about discipline." That was well put. Though my wife normally disciplines me without me wearing any clothing, when she tells me something like "I want you to go to downstairs, take your clothes off and wait for me" I see it as part of a ritual denoting her authority. Carol doesn't necessary come to me right away. She allows me time to get set way she wants while she fetches a paddle or one of the canes. When she's really annoyed and real discipline is going to be handed out she's sometimes allowed a significant amount to pass to let me think about what she's going to do. Once she's finished, from experience I know to wait in position for her instructions.
LH
Oh yes! It's certainly a ritual that supports my authority over him. We practice a number of rituals before, during and after a Disciplinary Session. They have a couple of purposes, but one is to remind him I'm in control. For me, it makes me feel more in control. I'm a much more effective disciplinarian when I feel most in control.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, long time lurker, first time writer, I very much enjoy your blog. Our relationship is primarily an FLR with a domestic discipline component and when the relationship is working well which is not that often, OTK is the primary method of discipline. I find it to be the most submissive, vulnerable and embarrassing for positions that are utilized in traditional spanking or domestic discipline scenarios. It’s also the most maternal which appeals to me and wife and I realize it may not have the same appeal to everyone. The spanking in and of itself is not is not the most important consideration, rather the feeling of submission to female authority is much more important in my view.
ReplyDeleteLuv those “Barb” drawings, she’s the best at characterizing maternal discipline.
Keep up the great work!
Hi Bobmski. Thanks for moving from lurker to writer status!
DeleteFor us, ritual is mostly to enforce obedience and control. My wife likes the way she can control me OTK. If I squirm or kick my legs too much, she will leg-lock me and I get extra. Sometimes I can't help it, though.
ReplyDeleteWe redid our vows on our 15th wedding anniversary. She said "Love, honor, and lead ..." I said "Love, honor, and obey ..." Everyone heard it.
Pete
I think that kind of vow renewal would be quite shocking to many of those who attended our wedding!
DeleteHi Dan,
ReplyDeleteConsidering that I like spanking pictures, and a significant number of them are OTK, it is quite surprising that I can’t say that I have really ever received a real disciplinary OTK spanking as an adult. I think it is because I always had a thing for paddles, and larger ones simply don’t mechanically work in an OTK position.
I am certainly OK with maternal vibes (not that I like them at the time, since it adds to the humbling), so I am not opposed to that part of it. But I always assumed that it simply couldn’t be hard enough to be real punishment.
Having said that, some of the first spanking videos that I encountered were very hard OTK spankings, like by Cassie Hunter, which I imagine had to be super painful. I think that to be truly painful, other than stinging while the spanking is actually going on, the key would be a relatively heavy small paddle or short-handled bathbrush. Back when the DWC was still going, they were selling the Holey Terror (at least I think that is what it was called). I wished I would have gotten the dimensions of it, since it seems like it might have been an ideal OTK weapon.
Also, from the very hard OTK spankings I have seen, it seems like the “recipe” is just basically rapid fire full-force spanks, which is somewhat different than the way my wife usually spanks me. She spanks very hard, but there is usually some delay between swats or strokes. I could see a situation when she might be angry, where just going full force as fast as she can could be a good way to “vent,” and I can see that it is possible that it would leave me quite hot and bruised, but I really can’t say for sure having not experienced it quite that way.
Anyway, great topic!
-ZM
You want to be careful the implement isn't so heavy you can't swing it. Still, I don't need anything really heavy to deliver my message when he's across my lap.
DeleteI've found the most effective method for across my lap spankings is the full force rapid blows. I keep the comments to a minimum, if any, since I don't want to distract him from the message my implement is delivering to his bare bottom.
It usually takes until the third trip across my lap with two tawsings in between to get him fully focused. If I have a witness, I might add some comments toward the end of the third trip across my lap and encourage the witness to make some, too. Usually, I wait until the end of the Disciplinary Session to make most of my comments, ask him questions and get answers and sobbing promises out of him. For that part of the Disciplinary Session, he's not across my lap. He's usually bent over and being paddled with a leather paddle or larger wood paddle.
Time to go. Husband's upstairs getting ready for the Disciplinary Session I've scheduled him for. Best friend is coming over to watch. It's going to be a long and severe one, so I better go get ready too.
TOODLES!
ZM: Our wives seem to share a common approach to spanking in terms of pace. She doesn't really do the "rapid fire" thing, though I agree it seems like that could be the key with some instruments and positions. I also wonder if going rapid fire ends up with less, or more, numbing?
DeleteMy wife has experimented with various spanking styles, and for my bottom it takes time and steady swatting to get numb. Rapid fire can be as fast as 3-4 smacks per second - I have actually counted to myself 200 in a minute. I felt the sting of every one.
ReplyDeleteSlow and steady is where I go numb, especially if the implement is wood. At a rate of maybe 1 per second or less, I am numb before 100, sometimes as soon as 50. I barely feel the swats after that.
In sets with breaks I don't go numb. My wife knows this. She may give me 50, then five minutes in the corner, then 50 more - for 4 or 5 sets. I feel the last one like the first.
Pete
I do tend to like OTK but other positions are utilized as needed.
ReplyDeleteI tend to have my husband over my left leg and pinned slightly with my right as I sit side saddle on our bed. Our bed is a bit higher so I can have him forward enough where his feet are just off of the floor. His left hand is behind me, I hold his right if needed and I generally spank away with my hand and/or brush, small paddle or a firm sandal. I don't spank for fun (not his fun anyway lol) though a single firm playful swat has been given since we dated. My friends and family know my personality and they know I love my husband's butt along with pinching patting and swatting it now and then. They've also seen me reprimand or simmer him down with a firm swat as well.
If I need to take my belt off then my man is going face down on the bed or over the sofa back or arm for good butt whipping.
I like at times to lay him over my lap while sitting in a straight back chair in the classic otk or over the lap(?) position.
I can bend him at the waist or improvise but I find the otk position tends to work best for us. I hold him in place better if need be and can spank until I'm pretty sure he's got the message or has learned what needed to be learned, corrected or adjusted! Jennifer
Coming to this months late. OTK is by far the best position. At home it is OTK on the bed, which isn't quite as good as OTK with the spanker on a wooden chair but its the best one for comfort. Cheers GLM.
ReplyDelete