Saturday, April 4, 2020

The Club - Meeting 336 - Financial Control

"Too many people spend money they haven't earned ... to buy things they don't want ... to impress people that they don't like." –Will Rogers

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly meeting of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.

Two weeks down.  How many to go?  Probably depressingly many.  But, so far, we’ve been lucky.  One of our extended family almost certainly had the virus, but it was short-lived.  So far, the rest of our friends and family have been safe and physically healthy. 

While everyone we know is healthy physically, I’m sure virtually all of them are looking at their 401(k)’s and other investments—those of them who are lucky enough to have such things—and pondering the carnage.  Personally, I’ve been in “buy” mode over the last week, scooping up future retirement investments at what I hope and pray is the bottom or near bottom of this market.  We were fortunate to have a fair amount of accessible funds squirreled away.  But, it wasn’t just a matter of good fortune.  We’ve always been pretty frugal, at least in proportion to what we make. 

Not that either of us are immune to impulse purchases. I have a weakness for buying books I don’t read, and for a guy I’m kind of a clothes horse.  So, many of those Amazon and Lands End boxes dropped off at our front door are mine. Anne isn’t always a prudent spender either.  I’m still mad about one large purchase she made earlier this year that she knew I was against, and I’m delighted to say that with each passing day I’m proven more right on that one.  Yet, overall, we’re fairly disciplined when it comes to household finances, especially when it comes to savings. 

That discipline predates our discovery of Domestic Discipline, and we haven’t really used DD to institute any further controls.  But, I think about it sometimes.  I think it would be incredibly humbling to have to ask her permission prior to buying anything significant or to have to get her pre-approval before buying anything on Amazon, or face the consequences.


Though, in one respect FLR and DD have led to some amount of increased spending, on Anne’s part at least.  That purchase I referenced above? There was a certain blatant, in your face, “Fuck you, I’ll do what I want” aspect to her ignoring my views and buying what she wanted. Similarly, when she bought a new car a couple of years ago, she bought some pricey options that I thought were a waste of money but, again, my opinion on that didn’t have much impact.

 
How about you?  Do financial and spending issues play any role in your Domestic Discipline relationship? Whether as punishment or as a means of imposing dominance, are there any restrictions on his ability to spend money?  Any consequences for over-spending?  Who wears the financial pants in the family?

 
I hope you have a safe and healthy, if cloistered and socially isolated, week.

51 comments:

  1. This is an easy one. No issues there what so ever. We do ok and not hurting for anything but I do say from time to time not to go too far. JR

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  2. My wife controls everything. My paycheck goes into her account that i do not have access to. Nor am i allowed a credit card. She gives me a weekly allowance that covers my lunches, gas, tolls, coffee, toiletries, etc. If i need clothes or shoes, she picks them out and pays for them. i earn money to go out with the guys by giving her orgasms: $10 per. Usually about $200 a week (covered by my paycheck, of course), though she sometimes fines me as well as spanks me when i misbehave. My jaw is sore but i'm happy!
    Pete

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  3. My wife also controls all the money in our relationship. She always has the final say in spending or anything else. She does seek my opinion but the final decision is always hers. She does give me a weekly allowance to spend and I can't exceed that allowance without going to her and asking for more money which she usually turns down. I have a credit card but I am only allowed to use it in an emergency. If I use the card without her permission I will be spanked and grounded. It works out good for us and for my behind as long as I obey.

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  4. Aunt Kay managed our money and I joyfully gave her everything I earned.

    But truth be told, she really wanted me to have anything and everything I wanted when possible. When the answer was "no", I almost always figured she knew best; which was one reason she managed the money. The other reason was that she wanted to keep me as free as possible away from the stress associated with money matters.
    I never opened bills or wrote checks.

    When I needed money she always had cash on hand and gave it to me with a smile and I loved getting my money that way. Sometimes if I forgot to get money from her, it magically appeared in my wallet anyway.

    Not a very exciting DD story. But love, devotion, and generosity was what defined our journey.

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    1. Sounds like a great balance that worked for the two of you. I too almost never open or pay bills, though it's not about removing stress or about financial dominance. It's just kind of been our default division of labor for a long time. I seldom even know how much we have in our bank account.

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  5. BTW there was a terrific DWC video, the premise of which was hubby lying about hills and he's taken upstairs for quite an OTK adventure. And lying was another matter with Aunt Kay. That was a zero tolerance policy and the experience of that guy in the video was painfully similar to when I got caught (not often cause I rarely did it)

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    1. Great. It's really too bad the videos aren't still available.

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  6. Like many above, we have no financial issues here. She is in charge of all money spent in our relationship. We discuss major purchases, but she makes the final decision. I have my own income and give her a healthy chunk every month. Otherwise I maintain my own bank accounts, checkbook and credit cards. To our way of thinking, that is a major difference between a slave and a submissive partner. Frivolous spending on my part may be looked down upon or even scolded for, but I cannot recall ever being spanked for money issues.

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    1. That distinction between slave and submissive is probably not a bright line for many, but it is one I think is real. And one that appears on the masthead of this blog.

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  7. We seem similar to Spanked Cowboy - no issues but respect for her authority in making large purchases, always discussing them with her. But frankly I would do this in a vanilla relationship also.Neither one of us are reckless spenders and we both are serious savers, so on money matters, there is no zone of conflict or reason to discipline.As far as I can remember I have never been spanked or even threatened with a spanking for a money issue
    Alan

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  8. My wife and paid off our home and don't have financial issues; but what happens in the future is anyone's guess. Carol is the boss of finances. I have some of my own money, but she has the final word on money. I have a liberal weekly budget or allowance, though she OKs expensive purchases. She reamed me out on a few purchases, which were foolish in hindsight.

    Maybe another question about finances is: Has your Domestic Discipline partner had a positive effect on finances? I'll answer it by saying, "Yes". Carol is very efficient with money. She knows how to stretch money and save it. We wouldn't have our home paid for and other things otherwise. I managed money terribly, so she took over finances in the beginning. In truth, it's pretty hard to argue with her since she has a good track record. As far as her spending, she does what she wants because I've recognized her as the boss. We do discuss big things. Our marriage is a fairly strong FLR. She's pretty levelheaded though.
    LH

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    1. I would say our DD relationship has been all around neutral re: effect on finances other than, as I conveyed in the post, her increasing comfort with spending what she wants.

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  9. This is Belle. When my husband and I were together, he made virtually all the money and was rather bossy about how it was spent, and I went along with that. I got several lectures for "overspending" (though I never bounced our account). I felt like I couldn't say anything because I wasn't contributing much.

    Now I have my own career and income, though much less than what he makes. I have told him that if we get back together I will be keeping my income separate in an account he cannot access. I will pay for anything that is just mine (clothes, makeup, girls night out, etc.) But he will pay all joint expenses such as the house, cars, insurance, vacations, joint entertainment, etc. And I will have access to his income for household expenses I would typically make, which we can budget.

    He started snorting and puffing himself up and I asked him if he needed to go get the bath brush. He got quiet and then suggested we have three accounts: his, ours, and mine, with him funding the first two. I agreed. That is, if we get back together, which I have not agreed to yet.
    Belle

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    1. It sounds like that bath-brush is your magic wand and it's power only grows as he is foolish enough to push you into applying it. In time a threat of using it will stop him cold 90 % of the time if he is at all like me. Incidentally, we started with three accounts also but gradually over time that evolved to three accounts with the vast bulk of our funds in "ours". She likes to keep cash on hand, so at any one time she will have a supply. But otherwise its all for one and one for all. Looking back I think that has been an evolving barometer for the health and and of our relationship. We are one and so is our money.I hasten to add I am not criticizing what others do. If my spending or money practices needed discipline ( or ever do) she will step in I am sure. But that's the way it is now.
      Alan

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    2. We've never gone the route of having separate accounts, and I don't feel very comfortable about it in principle. But, as a practical matter, I virtually never even look at our bank accounts, while she virtually never looks at our investment accounts or where I'm putting our investments unless I proactively show her.

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    3. That is exactly where we evolved,but Belle's approach helps build trust in the beginning and she apparently had plenty of reason to believe he needed to learn how to be a partner
      Alan

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  10. I would say that we are as egalitarian as any vanilla couple when it comes to finances, and I would add that IF either of us could be considered to have 'more' of a say, it might actually be me......but it's not something overt. Neither of us overspend anyway, so if anything, purchases that might be a little out of the ordinary are usually encouraged by one of us to the other as a kind of, "go ahead, you deserve it" kind of thing. I do that with her and she does that with me.

    She is more of the mind that life is too short to over worry the small expenditures either of us are likely to make, whereas I tend to feel guilty about spending practically anything and have to make an effort to feel good about buying 'nonessential' stuff. Rosa often has to reassure me that buying something I want is OK.

    [ I would like to add that money is a weird thing with me ( what isn't, right?). I have always struggled financially to some degree and have had to deal with blatant financial irresponsibility leading to disasters in others close to me. Money is such a volatile issue for me that while I FULLY understand how financial control is an exciting D/s 'thing' for some, and whereas I can intellectually accept that as another "to each their own" preference,for some reason, on a visceral level, the topic triggers an irrational resentment that is so extreme, that I have to make a conscious effort to not go off on a rant against the practice. I must have some very deep-seated issues at work here, so it's probably good that Rosa seems to have no interest in this type of control.]

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    1. kdpierre,
      "I FULLY understand how financial control is an exciting D/s 'thing' for some, and whereas I can intellectually accept that as another "to each their own" preference, for some reason, on a visceral level, the topic triggers an irrational resentment that is so extreme..."

      I understand. Yes, there is something to it being a "thing" for a D/s relationship for the submissive. When my wife finally got tired of me screwing up the money and overspending and took over financial control, I felt a certain high, and also some relief. She never wanted to take on financial things. It really was a necessary change. Carol was raised in a family that taught her the value of money. She worked and saved and even paid part of her tuition. I came from a poorer family and you'd think I would realize the value of money. Instead I got a taste of it and wanted more and more. I will say that my wife really does let us treat ourselves when we can with that "go ahead, you deserve it" philosophy. The problem was that I overindulged, so she insists on me checking with her.
      LH

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    2. LH: Not for nothing, but I was trying to be very honest and clear about my feelings regarding this practice. I don't understand why you would address what you wrote to me in particular after saying you understand how I feel? Based on what I wrote, can't you guess how I would be tempted to respond to your admission...as innocent as you may think it is? Help me out here, dude. I'm trying to keep my reactions in check on this one. ;-)

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    3. kdpierre,
      Oh no, nothing bad was intended by what I wrote, honestly. Of course, I'm sorry if I annoyed you. My intent was to merely show that control worked for me. It may not be for everyone.
      LH

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    4. I would say money is a weird thing for LOTS of people. Ever notice how work colleagues will talk about all sorts of highly confidential or extremely personal things, but will shy away from discussing what each other make? Or, how some companies or firms treat compensation as a "black box" with no one knowing what anyone else is making? It's also interesting to me how people who grow up with similar financial hardships can react very differently to that. I had two extended family members who both grew up very poor in rural America shortly after the great depression. I still recall how their experiences of being poor played out in the way they approached, of all things, clothes. One would patch a worn and frayed pair of jeans until there was nothing left to patch. The other would buy a new pair as soon as a current pair became even slightly torn or frayed, and he was very clear that he did it precisely because wearing tattered clothes was something he associated with growing up poor.

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    5. LH: No need to apologize. You didn't offend me......you just made it more difficult for me to refrain from commentary that WOULD certainly offend. We're good. I'm calm. ;-)

      Dan: You are right about that. My own mother was very frugal when I was young and later transformed into a compulsive spender who had to declare bankruptcy once and passed away after naming me as her executor and leaving me with her finances again on the verge of bankruptcy. So in her case, she actually was like both of your examples in the same person at different times.

      I tend to be VERY frugal, but not above selective spending to make life worth living. It's a delicate balance that many would say I have not consistently achieved. I also had a huge issue with my ex on financial stuff which left me incapable of seeing anything fun or enjoyable about giving someone else control of finances. It's part of the reason I said I can kind of 'get' the appeal emotionally......but I have seen where that can go.......and it isn't good. I like to think of it like erotic asphyxiation.......if that's your thing, then fine, but do remember you could unexpectedly and unintentionally end up in a very embarrassing final pose.

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    6. kdpierre,
      I an really am glad for that. I've never been one to try to offend. :-)

      LH

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    7. "I tend to be VERY frugal, but not above selective spending to make life worth living. It's a delicate balance that many would say I have not consistently achieved." Few have!

      I've also learned to focus a lot of attention on the quality of my spending, as opposed to the quantity. I have some hiking boots and a leather jacket that cost a decent amount of money (given how little I had at the time, anyway), but I've had them for more than 30 years! I have a "fun" car that I didn't need but splurged on (not anything fancy, but definitely a non-essential purchase), and I love every second driving it and will probably keep it for 20 years. On the DD front, I've bought cheap paddles for $20 or $30 bucks, and even if serviceable, they seem, well, cheap. Same with straps. I've spent serious $$ on a good quality strap, and I would defend that purchase against some $20 Cane-iac job any time.

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  11. Danielle here:

    The question “who wears the pants financially” is a bit complicated. The short answer is that I do. However, Wayne has handled our finances and been the main breadwinner since the beginning of our marriage, and FLR hasn’t changed that. That’s because I don’t want that chore. But I wear the pants in every other way.

    The first thing that changed with FLR is that I acquired a veto over all major spending decisions. He has still continued to handle most major purchases, but he has to run them by me for approval. This has given me the power to set priorities, while leaving the work to him.

    My attitude about my own spending also changed. Before FLR I felt I had to account to Wayne for my discretionary spending. We have always blended our incomes and had joint credit cards and bank accounts, but with him being the main breadwinner, I guess I felt beholden to him. But once I became comfortable with the idea that I “wore the pants” in our marriage, my feeling about money changed. My spending habits didn’t change enormously. I’ve never been one for shopping binges, and that didn’t change. But I no longer felt I had to account to him for my discretionary spending, so I felt that I had greater freedom. At the same time, I began to feel bossy about his spending habits. I guess that’s because he started reporting to me about the state of our finances, budget constraints, etc., so I became conscious of his personal spending choices in a way I hadn’t previously been. We continued down that road because we both found that aspect of D/s a turn-on.

    The end result was that I put Wayne on an allowance for all his discretionary spending. He still has his own credit and bank cards because he does most of the shopping for groceries and household supplies. But since we have joint accounts, he knows that I see every time he uses his credit card and has to be able to account for it. Basically, he uses one credit card for most expenses to keep things simple. He is not allowed to make cash withdrawals under normal circumstances. I give him his allowance in cash. I like doing it that way because the ritual of handing out cash increases my feeling of control and his feeling of submissiveness. If he wants to make an online purchase of an ebook or something like that, he has to tell me so I can deduct it from his cash allowance. Having him on an allowance is obviously a useful disciplinary tool, since I can raise or lower his allowance as I see fit.

    I must confess that Wayne’s allowance is not equal to the personal spending I allow myself. I consider that to be somewhat justified because women need more money for clothing, hair appointments, etc. The one thing that is really unfair is that I eat in restaurants more often than he does. I often go for lunch with one or more of my friends. That’s something he wouldn’t be able to afford on his allowance. But the unfairness of that turns him on. He always asks me what I had and how good it was when I’ve been to a restaurant without him, and I think he gets erotic pleasure from hearing about dining pleasures I have had without him.

    Unfortunately, neither of us can dine out during this pandemic.

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    1. Hi Danielle. I suspect everything in your third paragraph would resonate with my wife, up to the last two sentences. She hasn't taken charge of our finances in any way, and when I report to her about them it tends to be because I'm trying to convince her that we are way closer to being financially prepared for a glide path into retirement than she thinks. But, unless I show her on my own, she hasn't shown much interest.

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    2. Dan, Danielle
      "I must confess that Wayne’s allowance is not equal to the personal spending I allow myself. The one thing that is really unfair is that I eat in restaurants more often than he does. I often go for lunch with one or more of my friends. That’s something he wouldn’t be able to afford on his allowance. But the unfairness of that turns him on."

      I can identify well with Wayne’s erotic feeling. Carol primarily ate at restaurants with friends for events like birthdays and those types of celebrations, but we both ate out together on the weekends or we got takeout. She wants me cook on the weekends, but with the coronavirus who can say when we'll eat out again. Mistress Carol picked up on the erotic feelings I get from the unfairness of situations a long time ago. It’s fresh on my mind that in February, after I took the final plunge and shaved my head, she teased me verbally at a discipline session. She said things like "It's so unfair. Hubby is bald and only gets a hat. Mistress Carol has extra money for her hair, nails and facial appointments that hubby doesn’t need anymore. Too bad. Now your name will be Bald Sub Hubby." I was totally turned on, I admit it. I felt the same erotic feeling when Carol told me my quarterly bonus was deposited to our account last week and she had taken the bonus money and moved it the way she wanted, taking some for herself. Carol gives me a liberal allowance but it’s still an allowance, I’m not sure of her money.
      LH

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  12. What an awesome notion....having to ask permission before you're ALLOWED to spend. Especially when it's not actually about the money....it's just one of the ultimate shows of submission for most guys I'd guess.

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    1. Awesome in some ways, terrifying in others. I strongly suspect it is one of those things that sounds great in theory, but that I would get majorly resentful the first time she told me "no" about some proposed purchase for myself.

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    2. Dan, Darren,
      You said: "I've also learned to focus a lot of attention on the quality of my spending, as opposed to the quantity"
      - I never paid any attention to the quality of my spending. I never had money growing up so I had no experience buying. I guess it was immaturity and inexperience, and a feeling of being entitled when I began to earn for myself. When we were first married, Carol would look at something I bought and sometimes she'd think it was great. Other times she'd look and think it was stupid. I once bought a box of expensive holiday collectibles (they were all the same) on the chance they'd go up in value based on something I read. Rich people might speculate like that, I wasn't rich. Carol thought it was dumb and it was. I sold them at a yard sale and made a few dollars. I could have had something I really wanted instead.

      You also said: “I would get majorly resentful the first time she told me "no" about some proposed purchase for myself”.
      - I have felt that way, but I think I might be the submissive to wife who’s really becoming more powerful/confident Mistress. She’s extremely smart. She’s been right far more than I have been. We probably would not have what we have if not for her being a mastermind of finances, next to me. I’ve gotten better though.

      And: “Awesome in some ways, terrifying in others.”
      - Yes, but it gets down to trust. Carol has never said no outright without a good reason. What does scare me, and excite me, is that she wants to explore some other D/s things beyond the scope of discipline. We have touched on some things in the past, and some are ideas she’s been having from due to the time to research female led relationships and femdom topics. It’s all awesome for me, but perhaps there’s a question or topic there for the future, like: “Has the dominant person in your D/s relationship had any ideas to take your relationship in a new direction beyond DD, or add new things? You mentioned "straps" and that reminded me to bring this up because Carol had mentioned she plans to get a strap, and it's purpose relates to use with my manhood. lol
      LH

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  13. Belle,
    If you earn considerably less than your husband the rate of income tax withholding from your paycheck will be considerably lower than the tax rate that you will pay as a couple on your combined income. Thus, if you spend your entire paycheck on yourself you will be spending considerably more than your own after tax income. My friend's wife did this, and my friend had to take on part time work on weekends to make up for it. The marriage did not last. You could ask your employer to adjust your tax withholding rates higher to reflect your true tax rate as a couple.

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    1. I have to say this was a very well thought out comment. I am very interested to see what kinds of responses it generates.

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  14. Hi Dan,
    This is a good, thought-inspiring topic. Money is a huge thing to many if not most people, and whoever controls the money in a very real way controls everything. Also, money is very much an adult topic; children are typically insulated quite a bit from money pressures and seldom think about money. I can imagine that wielding control over finances and spending in a FLR context would be quite powerful, and being told that you can’t purchase something - especially if it is with money that you may have earned - would be very impactful.

    In a way the finances topic doesn’t really resonate with me, because my wife and I are very egalitarian and are also because we are much more on the DD side of the spectrum than FLR. And when it comes to money, we don’t really spend much unnecessarily at all, and rarely make major purchases. I earn about 5x more than she does, so certainly the majority of expenditures are covered by what I make, but both my salary and hers very much feels like “our” money. I love the way it is, and I love how openly we communicate about money and how we make joint decisions so well. It feels like a perfect partnership, and I wouldn’t want to change it just because I love how well we work together.

    However, when I think back to my first marriage, money was always a very sore subject. Again, I made quite a bit more than my wife (a function of career choice, not gender), but everything else was different. First and foremost, we didn’t communicate well about money at all, and ultimately I believe it was one key thing what undermined our marriage. Of course in the end the problems weren’t just about money, but I think the lack of true partnership was most evident in monetary matters. Also, I was pretty irresponsible with money, and so we wasted a lot by eating out all the time, etc. My ex-wife also had pretty fancy tastes and she loved to spend. Anytime that she would see that we were having any problems with money, she would become angry, so I basically quit telling her, and put a much better face on our finances than was the reality. So consequently, she would feel all the more free to spend. In short, it was a disaster.

    As I have mentioned before, my ex-wife was totally against DD or anything like it, so she probably wouldn’t have ever taken control in an FLR kind of way, but the money thing was such a big issue that probably if I could have relinquished control of our finances, she probably would have loved to have had some real say in things, and possibly it would have changed the entire curve of everything.

    As it is, I love the way that our marriage works and I wouldn’t want to change it. I am very careful to be always open and transparent about money issues, because I never want to relive the hell that I helped create before. But at the same time, if my wife wanted to use some monetary punishment at some time, like by not allowing me to purchase something either as a punishment or to exert control, I probably would be OK with it. It would really get my attention, so it would be most effective, but I wouldn’t want to change to overall dynamic too much.

    -ZM

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    1. ZM: With only minor differences in our respective experiences, I can relate to so much of this. Excellent post that covers so many aspects quite lucidly.

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    2. I wonder if first marriages often fail because of money issues because (a) the parties are less mature about money, among other things; and/or (b) because they usually have much less money and, hence, there is always more money pressure and anxiety and, therefore, more to fight about. My wife and I don't have many disputes about money these days but, honestly, part of the reason for that is we just aren't under the kind of financial pressure now that we were when we were first starting out.

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    3. Thank you KD!

      And Dan, I expect that you probably are right on both counts (maturity and increased financial pressure). In addition, I think the fact that it is the first time for two individuals to try to learn to live as partners plays a big role as well. I can say for me, my first marriage we had money struggles, but because we never learned to truly be partners, the struggles continued even though we had plenty of income to overcome things if only we had worked together. In my second marriage, right after we got together, I went through some horrible financial times, that quite frankly I wasn't sure how to even survive, yet from the beginning we have worked perfectly as a team, and I can see that it has helped us to continually improve our position. Either way, I am sure glad that it works!

      -ZM

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    4. Money is probably a catalyst that can make some relationships more stable and solid, but can blow others apart.

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    5. Dan,
      I think (a) and (b) are true, at least as reasons for many failures. My wife and I only experienced our own marriage, but I doubt we'd be together if I'd been the stubborn spouse and hadn't listened about spending. We had a few differences starting out, even a religious one, but they were a snap to deal with and even made life interesting. But, being short on money or having a high credit card debt would have caused the terrible anxiety and pressure you mention. It's ironic, but we really do have more today with Carol sort of being the sheriff when it comes to spending. We even have no debt. I guess it is a form of us working together, but I buy wisely today.
      LH

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    6. CarolH (Wife of LH) here:

      Dan - A Disciplined Hubby
      Regarding, "Money is probably a catalyst that can make some relationships more stable and solid but can blow others apart."

      I never made a comment on your blog before. I'm not commenting for my husband, but I want to add my opinion on this topic. When my husband told me the discussion concerned finances, I skimmed through and I agree with your comment. I know of two women who are friends, one close, and each of them blame financial issues as the major problem that contributed to their marriages failing.

      Our marriage grew into an FLR and my husband greatly improved his spending habits because of it. I still make the final decision on expensive purchases he wants to make, though very often if he hears "no" for something he wants, it could wind up being a gift (unless it's absolutely absurd). That doesn’t always happen. Sometimes no means no. I don’t monitor every purchase he makes. I’m too busy. I look at expensive items and if he tries to sneak anything through I find out.

      I don’t ask my husband if I can buy something. I have a sensible approach to spending and buy what I can afford. I’m also boss in our marriage and I don’t need his approval. If this sounds mean or unfair please understand that he thrives on it. He prefers that I control the money, though he isn't left out of the process and has input.
      Best wishes,
      CarolH.

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    7. Hi Carol. "I’m also boss in our marriage and I don’t need his approval. If this sounds mean or unfair please understand that he thrives on it." I get it. I'm sure that men who are wired to want that really do thrive on it, while not having some kind of say in major purchasing decisions would make some spouses crazy even if they were otherwise OK with letting the other spouse call the shots. Money is one of those things that seems to bring out very different responses in otherwise similar people.

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    8. Hi Dan,
      For "I'm sure that men who are wired to want that really do thrive on it, while not having some kind of say in major purchasing decisions would make some spouses crazy."

      My husband absolutely loves it, and to be fair with him I don't refuse much since he works hard. I’ve also learned Sub Hubbies like to hear "No" sometimes, and I'm sure he would admit that LOL.

      With the economy being an unknown factor, most of us may be wise to practice being frugal to some level these days until things stabilize. In our case most investments were switched to safer instruments when the Dow began to move down to minimize impact and we are both employed. That said, everything is subject to change these days.
      Thanks for responding,
      CarolH.

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  16. Even the wise a powerful OZ, um I mean Tom Brady, responded to his wife's discipline. True it's not like it was a DD thing or anything. But in the context of their relationship it was a sharp message.

    https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tom-brady-gisele-unhappy-marriage-2-years-ago-172441098.html

    Very early on. before even the DWC or spanking was in the picture, I got a written letter from Aunt Kay, and it had the exact same effect.

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    1. Very inspiring. Though, am I alone in doubting that Gisele was doing a lot of housework, unless supervising the maid counts? ;-)

      Sorry, I guess that cynicism streak is one more thing that needs breaking. :-)

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    2. I think she wanted him genuinely invested in their home life.

      I often find people's cynic kind of humorous. And I ALWAYS want to laugh, chuckle, or any variation that that tickles the humor zone.

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    3. Dan,
      Your doubting the "Gisele" story is not cynicism but healthy skepticism-something we need lots more of these days.Her latest publicly released income tops 10 million and then Brady's take home is somewhere north of 15 million ( more now in Tampa)The only housework Gisele is doing might be lugging the checkbooks around necessary to keep track of all their money ( money I might add, they have well earned) And on the subject of "the note", I expect many husbands have received something similar. Just think how much more effective is a wife using her authority directly with hairbrush or strap to get a husband back on track.I speak with some experience
      Alan

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  17. We’re still working on negotiating how to bring regular domestic discipline back into our marriage.

    We share financial values and pour all money into one account. I keep the budgeting organized because I’m better at it. We’ll discuss together how to reduce spending in a certain area (like groceries during a pandemic!) and may disagree on particulars, but never that we should be discussing together in the first place.

    At the same time, we’re negotiating my getting spanked for overspending, and it seems that it is not going to fit into our other financial discussions. It’s going to have to be worked out in a separate habit discussion. We make reference to the risk of overspending when discussing a budget, but neither of us are going to say “let’s set this budget lower and use permission and spanking to keep it under control.” That level of communication would be *amazing* but it’s going to take time.

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    1. Maybe, possibly you might include in your discussion that you just need some spanking for your mental health and the creativity could flow from there. Just a thought, vis a vis an amazing level of communication :)

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    2. Thanks, Tomy. I bet I would be uncomfortable asking for anything for mental health reasons, which is not a good mindset to have. Lots to unpack as to why. I've resolved to ask for what's good for me more directly at the next opportunity.

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  18. GO FOR IT MW. It's like roasting at poolside on a hot day becuase you don't want to experience a few seconds of uncomfortable by jumping in.

    Life's too short to waste time pal. every day matters.

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