Your net worth to the world
is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from
your good ones. -Benjamin Franklin
Does it work that way for you? In addressing behavioral issues, do you find that DD is more efficacious in fostering good behavior and the formation of good habits than in stomping out bad habits? Now, I realize that just about every behavior a wife may want to address probably can be characterized as either “bad” behavior or the absence of “good” behavior. For example, is failure to do an assigned chore, like doing the dishes, bad behavior, or is it the absence of a good habit of cleaning up as required. To address that, another spin on the question could be, do you find that DD is better at getting you to add a behavior or establish a good habit than it is in getting you to eliminate a bad behavior or break a bad habit?
The result? My alcohol consumption as dropped dramatically. In fact, over the last two weeks I’ve had alcohol only twice, both involving video-conference meetings with teams or customers that were expressly designed to be “virtual happy hours” just to keep people connected. I'm also eating a lot better than usual; kind of the opposite of what others seem to be experiencing or are worrying about experiencing:
So, it’s
been nice getting some experiential verification that work really is the driver
of a fair amount of my bad behavior and, when that environment is changed I
revert to a healthier way of living.
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples
Club. Our weekly meeting of men and
women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline relationships.
I hope you all had a good
week, under these trying circumstances. And, I hope you and your family and
friends are healthy and safe.
I’m going to keep this week’s
post very short, for a couple of reasons.
First, I’m still not all that into posting about DD in light of
everything going on out there in the real world. Second, this back problem continues to plague
me, and the body positions involved in typing seem to really aggravate it. So, no multi-paragraph tome this week. Instead, I want to use these two captioned
(sorry KD and Tomy) photos of Susan Sarandon that I found on a spanking Tumblr
recently as a launching point for this week’s short topic.
Does it work that way for you? In addressing behavioral issues, do you find that DD is more efficacious in fostering good behavior and the formation of good habits than in stomping out bad habits? Now, I realize that just about every behavior a wife may want to address probably can be characterized as either “bad” behavior or the absence of “good” behavior. For example, is failure to do an assigned chore, like doing the dishes, bad behavior, or is it the absence of a good habit of cleaning up as required. To address that, another spin on the question could be, do you find that DD is better at getting you to add a behavior or establish a good habit than it is in getting you to eliminate a bad behavior or break a bad habit?
Without going into it in a
lot of detail, habits have been on mind the last week or two because of this
shutdown. It’s an interesting experiment
in how much of our behaviors—good and bad—are driven by our internal drives and desires, or by our circumstances. In my case, I’ve devoted a lot of ink here
over the years to fessing up to bad behaviors connected in one way or another
to work. Particularly over-indulging in
alcohol. So, for the last two weeks I’ve
found myself cooped up in my house, locked out of the workplace and with no
work related travel for the first time in years, but with a pretty well stocked
liquor cabinet and liquor stores (and pot dispensaries) designated an essential
service.
The result? My alcohol consumption as dropped dramatically. In fact, over the last two weeks I’ve had alcohol only twice, both involving video-conference meetings with teams or customers that were expressly designed to be “virtual happy hours” just to keep people connected. I'm also eating a lot better than usual; kind of the opposite of what others seem to be experiencing or are worrying about experiencing:
On the other hand, I had
hoped to use the free time I now have with no commute or air travel to read
more books and do less internet surfing and consuming mind candy on
television. That’s been a miserable failure. Despite the involuntary reduction of all
work-related distractions, I’m frittering away more time than ever and have made
it through a whopping two-thirds of one book during the two weeks I’ve been at
home.
I hope you all have a good week.
What a post and what a topic! First you have Susan Sarandon spilling out over her dress spouting Femdom spank-stuff (but since you forewarned me I won't mention that what she's saying seems pretty inconsistent with her past loves, their lack of longevity, and general vibe. I mean, if she was ever involved with spanking? I see her as the giggling bottom, not the Top. But I won't mention any of that......oh wait, I just did LOL)
ReplyDeleteAnd then we get into St. Augustine and the whole "evil is the absence of good" issue. LOL
And then we have a meme about pot and skipping school which is all the more funny because the author of it probably should have attended class the day they covered contractions. LOL
And we end with life and temptation under quarantine. So where to begin?
First things first: Susan needs to buy that dress in a larger cup size.
Second: Augustine's argument is far too god-centered. It treats good and bad as if they were entities in and of themselves rather than relative behaviors to which relative moralities are applied by a changing society. In a DD setting I'm afraid I have the same issue with distinction. So to me it's just a matter of changing what happens; what someone does or doesn't do, and not 'why' or what tendency is behind what they do or don't do. In other words I tend to doubt that a generally lazy person will become industrious because of spanking, but I think they might do more of what needs to be done to avoid one. So to me there is no difference between fostering good or preventing bad. They are just different ways of describing the same intention.
Third, that meme author needs a spanking.
And lastly I just feel like using your last 'confession' to tease you....but in a nice way. I feel like your success is merely the absence of temptation. It's like the guy who walks into a brothel of extremely ugly prostitutes and then decides NOT to cheat on their wife. But on a serious note, this specific issue does seem to be very work-related as you say and therefore it might mean challenging the reasons you feel you have to succumb to temptation when in that situation. Would the world end if you associated with colleagues sans booze? Just something to think about.
As for the TV? Watch the Marc Maron specials I recommended and then turn it off and do something else! ;-)
Stay healthy! And don't think that taking Covid19 seriously means you shouldn't try to have some fun. We all need to relieve stress in situations like this. All the best...to ALL!
Hi KD.
DeleteSusan: I disagree on both fronts. (1) The cup size is great just as it is! (2) While she plainly was the dominant in Bull Durham, I suspect that in real life she and Tim were way too "woke" to be into anything but perfectly equal power arrangements. :-)
The meme: Yeah, unfortunately, it was the best I could find on the topic. A deeper and more serious issue raised by the meme is, how many people do we have in prison right now for buying and selling something (cannabis) that is now an "essential" product for getting through a pandemic.
Isolation and sobriety: I agree with you that my recent change in behavior illustrates the role of temptation, but that begs the question of "what temptation." Apparently, it's not the alcohol itself, since as I said, I have a very well stocked liquor cabinet, and certainly plenty of time and opportunity.
Augustine: You are in a far more intellectual mood than I am today. That didn't occur to me at all. I just wanted to avoid someone focusing on the form of the question instead of the substance. I wasn't getting into the morality issue at all and, instead, just focusing on efficacy -- does DD tend to work better at forging a new habit than eliminating or weakening an existing one. So, the social setting appears to be the key factor. Would it be possible to hang out with a bunch of people at work while they drink and I don't? Possible, yes? Likely, no.
Covid and fun: Theoretically, I agree. But, something about the current situation did pretty much kill any interest in DD or kink in general for the last couple of weeks. Though, it also undoubtedly is the back problems, too. Chronic pain apparently can sap just about every sexual impulse.
Actually I'm with you on Sarandon's likely (unlikely) participation in any aspect of this lifestyle.
DeleteAs for the work/drink thing? That is what I meant by examining the correlations. Like you said, it's not the alcohol itself that is luring you to unwanted behavior. I think it could be a work colleague identity issue. At least that how it looks from this angle. But I guess I'm questioning why you feel you can't re-invent that identity? If you all went out for desserts and then one of you became diabetic, no one would frown when that colleague avoided the cheesecake. Just tossing ideas out there.
As for the Augustine angle? As you know, I can't relate to having to be roused out of slacker behavior or be curbed of excess impulsive behavior, so I went to the philosophical aspect of the topic. My DD is all attitude-based and as you said, does that mean I am lacking patience or in possession of too much irritability? Is DD making me good or preventing me from being bad? Potato/poTAHto. ;-)
I think it's hard to reinvent an identity once it's been established. Hell, I think it's just hard reinventing yourself, period. So much of who we are is either based in temperament or the result of very deep-rooted habits, subconscious drives, etc. Moreover, I don't know that I'd actually enjoy hanging out with people when they are drinking and I'm not. I think conversations are sort of state dependent, i.e. the participants need to be on the "same wavelength" in an almost literal sense. When I was in college, I was a bouncer in some local bars. I was generally sober when working a shift, and dealing with drunk people was really, really annoying. Even people I drank with outside work would annoy the shit out of me if they came in and were drinking and I was sober.
DeleteI must be a chameleon. Maybe I should have been an actor because I love to become different people. I've done it so much I'm not sure who I really am anymore! LOL I even like to change personalities just to fuck with people too. My 'work' persona was so different from my social one that to this day, people assume I am a certain way.....and are totally wrong because they are basing that on just one of many masks I wore. In your situation, if the people involved were annoying, I would probably invent my new sober self on the pattern of a "Born-Again" and drive them crazy with advice on salvation! Soon, they wouldn't even want to meet for drinks anymore! LOL
DeleteThe other thing I can't relate to is this 'same wavelength' aspect. My crowd with few exceptions, enjoys good booze, and none of us are immune to the occasional over-indulgence....though it's rare for all of us. As such, drinking or not, nothing in the general vibe of a get-together changes much at all due to the presence or absence of liquor.
I think many of us can adopt different personas and emphasize certain aspects of who we are in different contexts. And, over time, I think we can emphasize some aspects of our personality and de-emphasize others. And, sometimes life changes so much around us or we are put in such a different context that our personalities change pretty significantly. I changed *a lot* as a result of grad school and my first couple of years in a profession. My Myers-Briggs personality type even changed. But, that was a multiple-year process of being put in a very different social and work context.
DeleteOn the wavelength issue, I'm not sure whether we're talking about the same thing. I'm not saying that people who usually drink together have to be doing so in order to connect. I mean that if I am in a group with four or five other people and they are drink and I'm not, for the first drink or two I'm probably still going to be communicating with them and our general plane of conversation is going to be similar. But, that's going to change as they keep drinking and I keep sitting there not doing so.
Dan,
ReplyDeleteRe your questions;
"Does it work that way for you? In addressing behavioral issues, do you find that DD is more efficacious in fostering good behavior and the formation of good habits than in stomping out bad habits?"
-Yes. Discipline resulted in improved behavior from me, and still does. I had bad habits which included smoking, drinking, spending money like a playboy, being self-centered, and never setting any targets. Carol knew I was raised by a single parent who worked and just didn't have the time to do more when I was younger. It's still easy now for me to slip back into some old habits. She, on-the-other-hand. was raised to be strong and responsible and wouldn't put up with my issues when we first got serious. I'm sure she could have found another boyfriend, and I've always wondered whether she saw me as a challenge. She never says. We seem to be a good match because I'm submissive and she clearly is dominant.
"To address that, another spin on the question could be, do you find that DD is better at getting you to add a behavior or establish a good habit than it is in getting you to eliminate a bad behavior or break a bad habit?"
- Discipline caused me to add good behaviors and develop good habits. I'm addition to doing things like drinking only in moderation over the years, my wife insists on healthy eating and exercising for us both. She also insists on financial responsibility. As Mistress she’s already exercising her right to my quarterly bonuses moving forward. I found out I’m getting a quarterly bonus soon (covering past goals reached) and she’s buying herself something and saving the rest. I have nothing to say, and she doesn’t want not it mentioned. Oh well, I’ve treated myself to things I wanted in the past, and she is Mistress.
A portion of Saturday evenings are reserved for discipline sessions. They have been mostly erotic, though a bit painful, and leads to fun later. Since my wife has agreed to be a stronger Mistress, the discipline session this weekend was more intense. Carol said, ‘How intense future sessions are FOR you get depends ON you”. I think I can fill in the blanks.
I hope this gives an insight into how good and bad habits are impacted.
Be well all...
LH
"I've always wondered whether she saw me as a challenge." Same here.
DeleteDan,
DeleteI can't speak for you, but for our marriage I think Carol won the challenge. Even she said at the end of our discipline session the other night, "I think I've got you to the point where you wouldn't even think about crossing me again." "Yes, Mistress Carol, you do."
LH
I have thought about it, and I cannot come to a conclusion as to whether the disciplinary lifestyle encouraged more good or deleted more bad. I do know that with Aunt Kay absent, I struggle with motivation to do some important things that I just hate doing. I don't even like to open the mail (but of course I eventually do).
ReplyDeleteI'm not lazy by any stretch of the imagination. I keep very busy and work on the property for several hours almost every day. But I like the physical work of clearing woods and stuff like that.
But I can report a couple of dramatic examples of discipline permanently curing issues; one effecting me "doing things" thereafter and another curing me of "not doing it".
Drinking to excess when we were not at home and especially if driving was involved - It was a work-related situation. Team, consisting of probably 20 people, went to a fancy restaurant (and spent an embarrassing amount of companies money). Sommelier kept introducing ridiculously delicious wines (and I'm not a wine drinker) I drove home drunk, no other way to put it. She took care of me, put me to bed, got me through a sickening hangover, and once I was feeling better gave me a whipping which indeed I never forgot. It was the last time I drove drunk. She said from then on "2-drink limit when I am not home. She would ask when I got home from being out with friends or associates and I never lied to her. So that was how it cured "not doing something."
The other was, long ago I considered it too much of an inconvenience to fasten my seat belt while driving. She always did hers and mentioned me not doing it. But for some reason it wasn't a hot button for her. Well, we had guests from the U.K. The woman was very much as you would imagine an English dominatrix. Really a lovely sweet lady when she wasn't in that role. Apparently seat belts were a hot button item for her and she had a discussion with Aunt Kay about it that resulted in my introduction to what a real English canning was like. From that time on I have never driven even a mile without using my seat belt.
I echo much of Tomy's thoughts, albeit with a twist regarding spankings in their role of promoting "good" behavior. On the bad side I have been cured of two or three bad and destructive habits/behaviors as a direct consequence of consistent severe spanking. Importantly I completely bought into each of these goals and believe spanking in combination with my own motivation to change produced the results of ending deeply rooted habits. I have also greatly reduced some other behavior objectionable to her but not completely eliminated it as a result of spanking and wanting to avoid a spanking.But beyond spankings link to "negative behaviors" it also has frequently transformed me from a moody, negative pain in the ass to a calm, pleasant and positive person -even when the spanking was for some other behavior or issue.Being spanked makes me feel cared for and safe and that seems to allow the positive attribute to emerge I and many other men too often fail to express. It doesn't make me submissive to her but at the same time I want to obey her and please her. The "twist" in all this is that it is not a permanent state and gradually the effects ( and physical memory) of a spanking lessen ( this is about 3 weeks or so for me)until I can again especially under stress become a pain in the ass .This cycle is what I think many viewing an F/M relationship from outside infer is the failure of spanking to be effective as discipline/punishment. But in reality it is often effective but must be periodically repeated to maintain that effectiveness.There is also a cumulative effect , harder to quantify or even describe tha improves good behavior over time.Over the last ten years or so I estimate I have received well over one hundred serious spankings. Also over that period beyond the target bad habits eliminated, I have also a much better, thoughtful,positive and loving partner, parent and friend and being spanked and internalizing the reality that happens and must happen has transformed me.
DeleteAlan
Alan
"But beyond spankings link to "negative behaviors" it also has frequently transformed me from a moody, negative pain in the ass to a calm, pleasant and positive person -even when the spanking was for some other behavior or issue." It sort of works that way for me, too. I think many of us need boundaries. We may push against them in the moment, but ultimately they are comforting. I also think there is a certain freedom in letting go of some of our ego. And, yes, it makes us less of a pain in the ass (hers, not ours). As former commenter Marisa put it: "That "humbling function" allows you to let go of that ego, accept authority and become the ( mostly) wonderful, charming and loving men you really are. It frees you to be yourself and that is what we are after."
DeleteTomy, now any modern car will just ding at you until you buckle up. While annoying, I guess it's a lot easier than the way you had to learn.
DeleteI seriously wonder if there is some hormonal/chemical flushing/re-centering aspect to lots of things, spanking being just one. I have found that my mood, and I mean to a significant degree, will be positively affected by getting an overdue spanking, getting an overdue O, having a conversation with a relative stranger when shopping, walking outside into sunshine after a spate of gray dreary weather, etc.
DeleteI really do believe we are just Petri dish experiments that respond directly to whatever chemical is introduced to the agar.
While I don't think we are "just" Petri dishes, I definitely agree the chemical and experiential inputs have a big impact on the mood outputs. Spanking certainly changes my mood for some period. So, does exercise. I find the lack of exercise particularly insidious. If I stop exercising for some reason (usually an injury), I don't quite detect that my mood is degenerating more and more. Then, I get into the gym. It hurts like hell physically, but on a mood level it's like the clouds part and I suddenly remember, "Ah, I forgot this is how I'm *supposed* to feel." Sunshine is critical, too.
DeleteDan
DeleteThe exercise example really resonates. I did a hard session on the treadmill yesterday and my mood was almost immediately elevated and remained elevated rest of the day. But a spanking, especially one for cause that I feel I deserve or am simply apprehensive waiting for her to administer: the after effects of that not only alter the mood via the released endorphins, but also has a strong effect in the more ephemeral psychological sphere. I just feel good, almost ebullient. I think some of it is just relief that punishment is over and some of it might be what some Catholics experience after confession: the sin has been confessed, the penance administered and the slate is clean again. The feeling goes beyond the high of exercise It's not sexual but can be almost spiritual in the feelings toward my wife and general feeling of well being. "spanking therapy" seems all the mode today with some professional disciplinarians and there is even a study or two out there that touts its mental health benefits. I am more than a little dubious about anyone claiming they are "spanking therapists". But I will wager there are quite a few disciplinarians out there, male and female, who have seen the therapeutic effects of spanking in their own relationship.
Alan
Dan,
Delete"I definitely agree the chemical and experiential inputs have a big impact on the mood outputs. Spanking certainly changes my mood for some period. So, does exercise."
-Perhaps it is chemical, and one gets to have a dependency to it. My wife and I could not "indulge" when the holidays were here because we had guests. It would have been uncomfortable to lock ourselves in the downstairs apartment while family was in the house, even though the rooms there provide us with privacy. We both got a little cranky. I like the submissive feelings that come to the surface when Mistress Carol disciplines me. It doesn't have to always come from her cane, which she seems to be an expert at using lately, because a good verbal reaming can be effective. We don't try to over analyze it, though I do wonder if a similar chemical release happens for the disciplinarian when he or she is punishing someone? Carol is not a cruel person. She's has a loving and caring nature. That said, there's the other extreme. Carol clearly gets something from the feeling of power. I just wondered what you think. I'm guessing it's chemical, although what person doesn't really want to enjoy certain privileges. Case in point, Carol cooked a great meal. When she was finished she got up, told me not to leave the light over the sink on, and walked away leaving all cleanup to me. She claims that unless I going to be being away, she has no plans to do kitchen cleanup again.
LH
There isn't the slightest doubt in my mind that power is addictive, whether at a chemical level or just because, as you say, people get used to having their way.
DeleteI too cannot come to a conclusion as to whether the disciplinary lifestyle encouraged more good or deleted more bad. I got spanked for bad behavior a lot in the beginning but it did level off because I changed my behavior for the better. What the DD relationship also did was make me thing before I did something that I think my wife might think was bad. When I was about to do or not do something I thought will I get spanked for this then usually I made the right decision.
ReplyDeleteDan
I find I *sometimes* think about whether something will get me spanked, but it's surprising how often such thoughts don't arise at all even in situations I've been spanked for before.
DeleteHere, we have accomplished both....Good habits fostered and bad ones curtailed or eliminated. Discipline spankings have worked very well in curtailing bad habits and in some cases even eliminating them. Granted, it may have takes several punishments for the same offense to actually eliminate them, and some have only been curtailed and I still get spanked for those habits. On the other question, I believe our maintenance program has done much to cultivate good or better habits. Our DD lifestyle has overall made me a better person and I much appreciate her past and repeated spankings to insure my better behavior.
ReplyDeleteThat all sounds great. Thanks, SC.
DeleteMy theory is that the change of people and scenery has an overall effect on our actions. It's easy to behave when you have the Warden watching your (almost) every move.
ReplyDeleteI've been on a somewhat restricted diet since June of last year, and the last time I was "out" with people was the 13th, and since then, my blood sugar has been within the pre-set limits on my goal sheet. I haven't quit the sweets, but I've altered when I eat them, so I'm pretty sure your last picture won't be happening to me.
Yeah, that's another thing that's changed for the positive. Despite having a very well stocked kitchen pantry chock full of boxes of crackers and cookies and other junk, my diet has been much better than usual.
DeletePretty much all of our disciplinary activity is around establishing new behaviors I am to follow and reminding me to remember activities I'm supposed to do. When we first started DD, my wife created "punishment days". Mondays Thursdays and Saturdays were designated as punishment days. The reason she establish them was to give her reminders to punish me for rules I've broken. It is a spankable offense for me to forget to remind her that it's punishment day. I'm pretty good about it, but sometimes forget. I forgot to remind her on Monday. That earns me a spanking. I'm also required to do some chores around the house. If I forget, I'm punished. Similarly, if I am rude to my wife, I get punished.
ReplyDeleteThis works very well. I don't want to be spanked. Now that my wife has gotten very good with the paddle and is binary in terms of the length and power of the spanking, I've learned to be more careful.
The "reminder" aspect of a spanking may be why, I suspect, DD works better at "adding" than "subtracting" behaviors. Though, I wonder if that's true of all conscious transitions around habits. I've read several books on habits over the last couple of years, and it started standing out that most of them focus more on how to develop new habits than on getting rid of bad ones. I see that as kind of problematic, because in my experience our success in many areas of life is very often more a function of identifying how we are getting in our own way and getting rid of those impediments to success, rather than adding something new.
DeleteDan,
DeleteThat's true. I suppose Carol's discipline over the years added good behaviors, and replaced, rather than subtracted, the bad behaviors.
LH
I agree with KD. Am I learning a new habit (humility) or curtailing an old one (arrogance). It's the same thing.
ReplyDeleteI also have found that, like Dan, my issues are heavily work-related. I find that ironic because my wife temporary took the kids to her mother's because of my arrogant treatment of them. But her action was such a wakeup call that I immediately stopped that behavior - without the paddle! However, my arrogance has continued at work, and while the paddle has reduced it, I still tend towards sarcasm, snide comments, etc.
Now that I am off work for a while, I am displaying none of that. So work is clearly the trigger. I don't suffer fools well. There are many fools at work but none at home (not even my teenagers).
Maybe, like Dan, I should consider a new career. Or maybe I should respond better to Liz's paddlings!
Arthur
I definitely understand that dynamic
DeleteLike Susan Sarandon, I am a D cup, though much shorter than her. I know you all are interested.
ReplyDeleteTo answer Dan's question, I think I am beating respect for women into my husband. I don't just want him to stop misbehaving; I want him to see women as the equals of men. I don't want him to lose his macho; I want him to see females as strong people too. That's not easy when I am 5-2 and he is 6-2. So the bathbrush is my equalizer! Amazing how respectful he is after a session!
Belle
"I don't want him to lose his macho; I want him to see females as strong people too." I'm sure that fits what many women are looking for. Good to hear the bathbrush is helping you make it a reality
DeleteThe way my former girlfriend put it was that spanking "leveled the playing field". She wanted a "whole healthy relationship" and apparently saw spanking a way to do that.At the time I don't think I paid a lot of attention to her point as I thought the authority she had gained gave her the power.But she wanted equality and rarely pushed her power or her authority beyond that. ( she could have). Now I realize that what she was talking about is the key to what makes many DD relationships work while letting both partners be who they are. We give our wives or girlfriends enormous power when we give them to authority to discipline us. But when they use that power judiciously it is win win for both
DeleteAlan
Alan, I agree. I've always used the yin-yang analogy for what we are going for. Prior to DD, I was way too much yang, and my wife way too much yin. In less eastern philosophical terms, my personality was too domineering and type-A, while she had been socialized to be more passive and reactive. When individuals in a relationship are unbalanced like that, I think there sometimes has to be an over-correction in the opposite direction in order to get to something that ends up more balanced. I know that some of my domineering traits are so hard-wired, it takes a BIG over-correction in the opposite direction to get me anywhere close to a well-balanced condition.
DeleteThe yin and yang allusion is really a useful insight. It helps explain why so many couples, originally attracted to each other precisely because of complementary but opposite traits ( such as you describe) end up alienated because over time an imbalance is created. DD, particularly F/M DD really offers a positive way to re balance while retaining the core of the relationship. But regardless of the gender of the disciplinarian, s(he) has the difficult job of deciding when that authority should be exercised. I guess that’s where love comes in although experience helps too
DeleteAlan.
I don't have the experience but I do have a formula: every time he treats me like his cute little plaything instead of a mature intelligent woman with a mind of her own, he gets his ass beat. Except if I let him back in my bed. Then a plaything I'll gladly be.
DeleteWe are in an interesting circumstance. Neither of us wanted to be alone during the virus, so I moved back into the house we own together where he has been living. But we are in separate bedrooms. I will say that keeping him denied is just as powerful as spanking him. He's still got his swagger, but with a longing in his eyes. Girl Power!
Belle
Somehow, regardless of the other relationship management tools at their disposal, the most effective seems to be sex denial. Can't fight 40,000 years of history, right?
DeleteBelle is a smart savvy woman and your blog apparently has been a great resource to her. “Denial” is powerful but it is also tricky, and can backfire if overused or misused. My wife certainly uses it and sees it as a control issue (as do I) I may not come without her permission and knowledge including lovemaking with her. But she is very generous and caring in fulfilling my needs. Denial from her is more discipline than punishment and I feel she does it for us and the growth of our relationship. If I felt it was punishment or a way for her to manipulate me I probably would resent that. But she does it because she cares and knows exercising that control is good for us and probably necessary for me
DeleteAlan
Hi all…hope everyone staying safe and healthy. Just keep reminding yourself this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteThe top of Susan’s dress is perfect! Whoever designed it got the proportion exactly right between pushing up the girls and putting them on display and low cut enough to tease that with one wrong move a “nip slip” could happen at any moment.
Dan, as I’ve shared before I’m in the exact same situation w/ the work-related drinking. I’m experiencing the same thing, I really haven’t drank at all these past weeks. That coupled w/ the “Quarantine…March to May” pic and your comment “when that environment is changed I revert to a healthier way of living” made a pretty apt analogy come to mind. Many have commented that the DD aspect of their relationship ebbs and flows. I’ve felt a similarity to that and when I’m actively on or off a diet program. When I’m in a phase of just not caring or paying attention to my weight I just eat whatever I want not even giving it a thought. My weight then can get out of control quickly. But then when I’m “on” it’s always in the forefront of my thoughts, so I’m constantly aware and conscientious of what I eat. Anyone else who’s been there can relate to picking something up but then stopping yourself thinking “it’s just not worth the calories” and put it down knowing you’ll be accountable when you get on the scale at the weekly weigh in. That’s what DD does for me, it keeps how I’m behaving front of mind. I become aware of how I’m acting and catch myself… it makes me think before I do (or don’t) do things. So like w the diet analogy…I tend to make better choices.
I find that my diligence on both diet and drinking tend to go hand in hand. And, I suspect some of that is a simple old dependence on carbs, and how much I want carbs depends a lot on things like how much sleep I'm getting. But, more of it is context and place. Right now, I'm getting very little sleep, but my diet is pretty good and my alcohol consumption is way down.
DeleteDan,
ReplyDeleteI think Carol is also putting punishment on the back burner, this weekend at least. Carol and I were both up early this morning. I was awake for a business call; she wakes up with the birds. My call ended early, so we had a longer time together at breakfast. Mornings can be announcement times with Carol. As we finished having coffee she delivered an announcement that was that she's going to change things around a little and add some surprises. She said, “No spanking for a while, sub hubby. I know you’re still sore from Saturday anyway. So, I’m going to do a few other things I’ve heard about. Maybe I’ll get into that mind of yours. Oh, you might not get to cum either, we’ll see.” She patted my head as she was talking and glossed over the last part.
Carol hung one her latex dresses on her closet door that she wants me to lightly clean for her by no later than Saturday afternoon. I’m supposed to leave it laid out neatly on the bed. Then she finished by telling me to be in our bedroom at 8:45 showered, shaved, wearing my collar and wearing the newest pink panties she purchased. She also told me, “Make sure you shave that noggin of yours by then, too. It felt very scratchy.” “Yes, Mistress Carol.”
Whatever Carol’s into caused me to immediately become erect and stay that way on and off today. Now I’m wondering what game she wants to try; it probably includes some denial, or she is temporarily dropping out of a punishing mood like some say.
LH
Sorry to hear about your back problems Dan , hope it clears up soon.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering if you are concerned at all , with such a long hiatus from DD due to this and the current lengthy crisis interrupting routines , that your wife (or you , or both) may lose interest in DD and not go back to it ?
What if your DD 'spark' returns and your wife remains disinterested ? Are you back to square one?
Even though DD is physically not happening , it is good to keep it up verbally with threats , warnings , etc just to remind you that she is in charge ?
Just curious as you are likely not the only one in this boat at these difficult times.
Hi Glen. Thanks for the well wishes. As with the virus situation, this too shall pass.
DeleteI'm not too concerned about DD interest returning. In fact, it kind of already has. Last week, I had no interest at all. This week, at least a spark has returned, though because of the back issues it's been a matter of the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I always have a hard time remembering exactly how long we have been at this (whatever is the opposite of a savant, that's what I am where dates are concerned), but it's been around 15 years. During that time, there was only one brief period, which followed a medical issue, in which I truly lost all interest in DD, as if my brain had truly been rewired. Even that lull eventually passed.
That is great news Dan....as long as the desire remains strong with your wife also. Here's hoping she makes up for lost time!
DeleteDan, Liz,
DeleteCarol said we're definitely taking a little break from discipline and moving to more to intimate and nice play for a while. She generally elaborated on her "commands" given at breakfast the other day (lol) and said she thinks change is good in view of the virus crisis now. Carol also feels sorry that she did a far more intense discipline session last weekend than she planned. I told her I wasn't harmed. In fact, it was hot and put me in a very submissive place even though the memory will be with me for some time. But, Carol said she's the boss and her decision is that she's taking domination in a more intimate direction for a time. She also followed through on taking over my bonuses, though we wonder if there will be many in the near future. She told me the bonus was deposited last week and if I want anything I'll need to ask her.
I've already been given warning that she plans to mess with my body and mind in intense and different ways. In fact, after supper I'm not even going to be allowed to go on the internet. Carol says the whole evening will be monopolized by her, started with me being her bath attendant and going on to other things I won't mention. This should be interesting.
LH
With Art home from work, you would think I would notice more arrogance and have more reason to punish. But just the opposite is the case. Art thinks that is because work is his trigger. That may be it. But in the back of my head is the thought that one of us could get the virus and maybe even die from it, and if that were to happen we would want these last few weeks to be happy ones where we got along really well. We have been really loving to each other, and I don't believe it's a coincidence.
ReplyDeleteLiz
I have to comment on a couple of the pics accompanying my post.
ReplyDeleteSusan Sarandon is the sort of woman I have always associated with spanking , and I recall Billy Bob Thornton's character in Bad Santa hinted in the movie that he spanked her by telling her screen son 'I guess you're not the only one in your family who enjoys a spanking!" Cute scene.
As for the last pic of two scantily clad ladies bending into the fridge I must confess that I find the second lady to me the most attractive of the two! Anybody else agree with me or am I just getting old?
Sorry Glen. Can't quite agree with you on that one!
DeleteDan,
DeleteI agree with you as well. But, I need to agree or possibly face my wife's wrath if I said I liked lady number two (lol), only because Carol lost over 40 pounds and looks good. It's driving us both crazy being stuck inside because we have a walking trail not far from our home.
I had to chime in when I saw your comment. I can't believe I actually got permission to go online for a few minutes (something's in the oven).
LH
It must be the high heels the second lady is wearing?
DeleteGlenmoretales,
DeleteCould be the heels.
LH