Saturday, November 16, 2019

The Club Meeting 320 - Switching


I can no longer obey.  I have tasted command, and I cannot give it up.  - Napoleon Bonaparte

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly on-line gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.  I hope you all had a great week.

Mine was, and is, frustrating.  As reported recently, I’ve been in this very sexualized mood lately.  The problem is, between my travel, my wife’s travel, and some social obligations, we’ve barely even seen each other, let alone had time to put any of the nasty thoughts running through my head into practice.  Unfortunately, there’s no end in sight for at least another week.  I guess I will treat it as an extended experiment in maintaining a high level of erotic energy through some involuntary chastity.

I can always tell when a topic doesn’t do much for me personally, even if it may appeal to others in our little community.  The sure sign is how often I’ve made it a weekly topic over this blog's roughly six year history.  When a topic really intrigues me, I tend not to just do it, but overdo it.  Hence, lots of topics on tears (ZM, friendly reminder, you still owe us the in-depth tale of your first disciplinary crying experience!), how people got started in Domestic Discipline, boundaries, reporting, and strictness.  Then there are topics like corner time, which don’t do much for me and that I’ve devoted full topics to only a couple of times. 

This week’s topic is one I have really given short shrift to over the years.  In fact, I’ve made it a full topic only once, over four years ago, and the entire post was only about two paragraphs long.  That topic is “switching,” i.e. the spanker and spankee exchanging those roles.  Presumably, it also could apply to a broader power exchange as well, with a couple swapping dominant roles from time to time.

This has come up in a couple of contexts recently. First, my wife and I are not big porn watchers, but a few weeks ago I did some searching for movies that included F/m domestic discipline or FLR themes.  There was basically nothing.  Even M/f domestic discipline themes were more or less non-existent.  I did finally find a fairly well-reviewed series that billed itself as Fifty Shades but with better sex and real BDSM. I bought the series, thinking that even if the theme is M/f spanking and BDSM, maybe it would still give my wife some ideas on how to extend or deepen her dominance. 

So, while the movies were not about switching, they kind of related to switching issues in my relationship with Anne and our dominance explorations. (Unfortunately, much like the real Fifty Shades, there was very little real spanking or discipline/punishment and a lot of bondage and more or less vanilla sex, though the production quality was good by porn standards.)

Then, it came up more directly last week in an exchange between Julie and me, in which I noted that I have an aversion to exercising power over other people (even though I am in that role a lot at work), so I have no desire at all to be the “dominant” party in any relationship.  In fact, taking on any kind of dominant role kind of flies in the face of the entire reason I got into DD in the first place.  I recognized several years ago that I have a very unbalanced personality, in that I am very Type-A and have big issues with giving up control.  For me, domestic discipline and, increasingly over the last couple of years, FLR are means for balancing out a very unbalanced orientation.  Adding some yin to way too much yang.  Doing the opposite by taking on a dominant role, even sporadically, might screw up my efforts to balance things out.


My aversion to exercising power over other people includes my orientation toward spanking.  I am a receiver, not a giver. 

The initial exchange with Julie led to this reply from Alan:

“I hear what you are saying and that's pretty much how I feel NOW. But back in the bad old days (before I received my first real disciplinary spanking), being with a woman you care for who passionately wants a spanking (and who is also very desirable) makes it all seem different. I don't think I could ever return to that mind-set. But, in the day, it seemed very much the thing to do. I might add I believe quite a few people (both males and females) have gone through these transformations --as the wonderful Julie demonstrates on her equally wonderful blog.”

I hear Alan's point, but I’m really not sure I could ever get there.  Even if my wife really wanted it, which as far as I know she still doesn’t.  If the spanking were purely erotic and not very hard – maybe.  But, I’m pretty confident I could never give her a real disciplinary spanking. 


Also, I would be leery about exploring switching when it comes to our ongoing experiments with real power exchange.  I want my wife to explore her dominance and to get more and more comfortable in that role. When I think about switching things up and dominating her even in a purely erotic scenario, I get concerned about the possibility that she might like it and might want more of it, when my goal is for her to be increasingly in that Top role and me on the bottom.  It is that dynamic I want to explore, and I want to deepen it, not dilute it by switching back and forth between dominant and bottom roles.

As I discussed last time I had a topic on this, the one attraction I have to female spanking scenarios is the artwork.  So much better and more nuanced than most of the F/m stuff, and the female form is just so nice to look at!

 

 How about you?  If you are now the discipline recipient in a DD marriage, or the “bottom” in a Dominance/submission relationship, was there was a time when you were the paddle swinger or in the Dominant role?  Do you switch between the two, or is the more submissive or “bottom” role now more or less permanent?  Was there any particular event that helped you realize which role was right for you?

For the ladies, have you ever been the spanked party or a “bottom” or “submissive”?  (For whatever reason, I gravitate toward the term “bottom” more than “submissive,” though the converse is not true – I don’t like the term “Top,” though I don’t know why.  Probably too many on-line encounters with too many dick-ish self-identified Tops.)  If not, is it something you want to experience?  Why or why not?  If you have been the spankee, were the spankings for real discipline, or more purely erotic or sexual?  Were you spanked growing up? 


For those of you have switched, was it just the spanking role that you switched up, or did the switching extend to more fundamental power exchange elements, like decision making power and authority, making rules for the other party, etc.?

Have a great week.

52 comments:

  1. My husband and I do spank each other, but in different ways and for different purposes. I am not sure if that is really switching. His spankings are discipline. Mine are erotic.

    Spanking was very common in our home, but no yelling. My parents spanked each other for discipline. We never saw it but we did hear it. It wasn't until recently that I learned how unusual that is. It seemed normal to us.

    Art does not spank me, for discipline I mean, but if he thought I deserved one I would submit to him. He is the one who brought DD into our marriage. And we have both benefited from it, as I have related.

    In terms of decision-making. He is head of the household, but we have our different areas where each of us is in charge. But that is often the case with couples where there is no DD.

    I would like to talk more with my mother about my parents arrangement, but my father is deceased and my mother does not like to talk about their relationship, as it makes her sad. I do find this to be an interesting topic I would like to know more about.
    Liz

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    1. Thanks, Liz. Interesting thoughts, including the desire to talk to your mother about your parents relationship. I always wonder whether our kids secretly know about our arrangement. My wife thinks no. I have a hard time believing they didn't oversee a tool or overhear something at some point.

      My upbringing was kind of the opposite - lots of yelling, not much spanking. I think your way was probably healthier.

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    2. Hi Liz and Dan,
      When growing up there wasn't much yelling just a good hard spanking. When my wife and me got married we already discussed domestic discipline and she was the one who was always in control. I could never spank my wife even a playful spanking. I just don't have it in me.

      When we were first married we had some kids still at home and we found out at some point they knew I was spanked. One day my wife's daughter said she herd the paddle being applied to my being even though I did my best not to make much noise.
      Even later at one point we had relatives who said they know I was disciplined. It seems at holiday gatherings sometimes my wife would take me upstairs to discipline me for something I said or did and we didn't know they were able to hear the crack of the paddle and my wife scolding me through the heat registers. I guess the sound traveled.

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    3. I will be with my mother for Thanksgiving, and if the occasion arises I am going to ask her about my parents disciplinary relationship. This topic has inspired me to take the plunge. I will likely tell her about my marriage as well ... and her role in starting our DD that she knows nothing about. Wish me luck! I will report back here if it happens.
      Liz

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    4. That should make for a lively conversation. We look forward to hearing about it.

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  2. I wonder how common these situation are where someone would have like to talk to a parent.The women who introduced me to DD ( or was my first disciplinarian) had similar unanswered questions about her mother's practices. Apparently, frequently in the midst of an argument, her mother would order her father into a guest bedroom from which they would both emerge a half hour or so later, argument settled but father sheepish and quiet. My girlfriend knew nothing about adult discipline at the time and never heard the sounds of a spanking but later came to believe her father had been punished some way ( maybe a cane or switch or corner time). She actually came to that conclusion observing me after a punishment and realizing her father had behaved the same way after emerging from that bedroom. Her mother would never directly talk to her about it, so my girlfriend was left speculating.I do suspect though that memories of that part of her parents relationship made her more comfortable spanking me because she was vanilla when I met her although very pro spanking for discipline.
    Alan

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    1. Hi Alan. As I said to Liz, I don't know whether our kids have figured anything out. I do know my wife has not told them, even though they are older now and involved in relationships of their own. It's totally up to her, but I do hope that if they ever ask, she'll tell them about it.

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    2. I definitely remember "sheepish and quiet" after my parents excused themselves "for a talk." They would go upstairs for about half an hour, as Alan describes. It was obvious who had been spanked because of that subdued demeanor. And the other one often seemed overly cheerful!

      We were sure they used switches to make the spanking as quiet as possible. But we still heard it on several occasions. My father spent a lot of time "trimming the trees and bushes." And where did those trimmings go?
      Interesting that when they spanked us kids, they never used switches.

      Me paddling Art is so out of character for our relationship that I do not plan to tell the children. I think it would be hard for them to fathom. We wait until they are on the school bus, and the paddle Art made is hidden in our bedroom closet.
      Liz

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    3. I'm a little suspicious about whether our "tools" were as hidden as we might have thought.

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  3. An interesting topic, I await the reading of many responses. In my childhood, my siblings and I were spanked for discipline as it was the era when that was the norm. I do not believe my parents spanked each other, but I know my Dad was the HoH, hands down. My first marriage was totally vanilla and I did not get involved in DD until it was over. My second wife was a NYC Pro Domme. There was never a doubt as to who was the Dominant and I never disciplined her in any manner. However, many Pros do visit other pros to be spanked occasionally. Sometimes under the guise of the desire to know first hand the feel of every implement they use. I did witness my dominant wife submit to a caning from another pro for a form of discipline. Moving along to my second full time DD relationship which again is an FLR. At no time is she under my control. I have never spanked her and never will. Her only child is long gone so no one in our home to discover our lifestyle. Some of my family knows she is the HoH, but that is about the extent of it. On the other hand, all of her family knows, some have seen me stripped and spanked and two have actually spanked me themselves. We have a true FLR and that is the way I desire it to be. No desire for switching roles exists in either of us.

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    1. Hi SC. Interesting that her family knows but yours do not.

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  4. I mostly spanked my wife for the first ten years of our relationship but there were times when she busted my but pretty good. I have always been a very egotistical male and she liked that until she got bad sick from limes disease. Then all DD stopped for about two years. We argued a lot during this time because we have three kids and the house stayed trashed and I couldn't spank her because she was already in pain taking medication. I started reading blogs like this one and decided maybe a FLR would work for us. Going through this sickness made her an extremely strong woman. One day I had enough of the arguing and I went up to her and gave her my balls in one hand and a switch in the other. I said allow me pleasure when I please you and punish me when I upset you. After about three whippings she really pushed things and wow I still remember that switching. Today is a little over a year since that day and I keep the house clean, her laundry washed, we share cooking dinner and both of us could not be happier. I don't want to ever switch back, because it is so much easier when she says go bring me the switch I know I have disobeyed and she will tell me what I have or haven't done. There is no more arguing, I love this lifestyle.

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  5. Like many others I was spanked mostly by mother growing up usually wooden spoon or strap both very painful resulting in tears and promises to be good which of course I was but only for a while and then I'd land in trouble again.
    Whan I married my first wife Kay initially neither of us was "in control" until I wrote her a letter outlining that I desired a FLR relationship to include spanking. I thought initially that she would run home to her mother crying "pervert" but she con fronted me that very day she received the note and agreed. However, no arguments from me would be allowed and if she decided I needed a spanking (or for more serious things a caning} her decision would be final. She was or had been a teacher and so purchased through educational suppliers her first cane. That was over 40 years ago. Like Spanked Cowboy I would never want to spank her and again she never asked or suggested I should. We had a very happy marriage. much enhanced by her disciplining me. After a timid start she became very adept at spanking and especially enjoyed having me fetch one of her canes which she applied to my bare bottom.

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    1. Hi Under Her Strap, A few more similarities.... as you said, once she has determined A spanking is due, I can say nothing, no bargaining, no trying to talk my way out of it, no asking for mercy. I can only accept whatever she deems necessary. My gal is also a former teacher from a state still condoning corporal punishment in schools. A slight difference in your last statement. She was not timid at all at the beginning as the first spanking I received (on day one of the relationship) was delivered objectively. I will say she has increased in proficiency during our 11 year female-led, DD relationship.

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  6. No switching here. Even on MY birthday, he gets the birthday spankings.

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    1. Nice. I'm glad that is not a tradition in our family!

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    2. @Miss Ceclila. Same in our household.... I take her birthday spankings. And anyone else's birthday spankings she directs me to take.

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    3. That's an idea, Spanked Cowboy! Thanks! So far, he's only had to take his and mine, but, if he's especially naughty, I can make him take the birthday spankings of one of my friends who have gotten to watch him get spanked in the past. Of course, she won't get to give them to him, only I will, but, she'll at least get to watch, again.

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    4. Don't just do it if he is especially naughty, make it a ritual for her birthday. We have both kinds of friends, those who can watch me accept their birthday spankings and those who can administer their birthday spankings to me themselves.

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  7. As I've written before, I used to routinely switch between my first and second marriages. With Rosa, we used to switch early on, but it was very conditional with hers being more 'sensation play'. Then we have been purely F/m for quite a while. However, for some reason I have been imagining taking a Top role recently. I'm not sure it will happen in actuality, but the capacity to do it on my part is definitely there.

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    1. When you say you're not sure it will happen in reality, it sounds like this is more than just something you're imagining?

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  8. For us we’ve used spanking to resolve many issues. I am the one who is usually spanked but there have been a few over the years where Dev received one. Last year we had a huge blow up. Things could’ve ended but after several days she realized I wasn’t at fault and suggested a spanking to make things better. This was awkward but agreed. I tried to carry things out in the same manner she does but with less intensity. I’m usually over her knee for about ten minutes. Thus only took a few. We have a policy that whenever a spanking is given , when it’s over all is forgiven and forgotten. The next day she showed me her bottom. It was purple and I felt sick about it. She said all was fine. It was deserved and now knows better what I go through. It’s very easy to give a spanking when there’s anger involved but they can also be given out of love.

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    1. I agree a spanking can be given out of love, though I still don't think I could do it.

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  9. Danielle here:

    Dan, I think your distinction between being the “bottom” in a spanking and being “submissive” is useful. I have never been “submissive’, but I have been the bottom in erotic play spankings. In our pre-FLR days, Wayne used to play spank me sometimes, and I have been spanked by a previous boyfriend. But switching the dominant/submissive roles with my husband is out of the question...for me, that is.

    Wayne would like to switch. He has proposed having one day per month, or even just a couple of days per year, on which we would switch roles. He isn’t just proposing to give me an erotic play spanking. He would like to have the experience of disciplining and dominating me for real, inside and outside the bedroom, the way I do him. He admits he would like to have a turn at the perks of power. But he claims he also has an unselfish desire to allow me to discover the erotic pleasure of the submissive role. He seems to believe sincerely that the submissive is the biggest beneficiary of a D/s relationship, at least in terms of the erotic thrill. I tease him that it’s considerate of him to offer to relieve me of the burden of being the boss sometimes, but that it ain’t going to happen.

    I don’t even allow Wayne to give me erotic play spankings anymore, though I don’t mind if he pats my bum suggestively when we are getting changed and I am in panties or naked. He flatters me that if our roles were reversed, he would find a reason to spank me every day because I have such a sexy bum. I like knowing that he has a longing to spank me, and I must confess, I enjoy having the power to deny him that while claiming the privilege of disciplining him whenever and however I see fit. Switching, even just occasionally and only in play, would detract from my feeling of being fully “on top” in my marriage.

    I also tease Wayne sometimes that if ever want to be spanked, I’ll find another “more manly man” to do it. ;-) He likes having THAT button pushed, and I don’t mind pushing it.

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    1. Hi Danielle. It is indeed very considerate of him to relieve you of the burden of being boss. How kind of him. ;-) It's great that you know "boss" is the role for you. I recall that soon after you started posting here, you talked about the "liberation of being a bitch." While I don't want that Dom role for myself, I do think it must be easier to just lead and do it consistently, throwing in without limit or regret. I think when some women get twisted up and worried about the role, it's not because they don't find the role attractive but, rather, because they DO and are not comfortable with that. Ironically, if they'd just plunge in and go all out, they and their husbands would probably be happier.

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  10. I'm a little surprised by this topic. Switching for disciplinary reasons (i.e. the Spencer system) is pretty rare. It was interesting to read about people who actually lived in families where parents spanked each other. I could never do that with my wife.

    For most of my adult life I did the spanking. It was in a BDSM context and I was an active, lifestyle top. The reason we have such an extensive collection of impact implements including a very large number of paddles, most of which are terribly painful, is because I was so active spanking women. None of this was disciplinary.

    Our marriage, like many on here is complicated. In general, I'm the head of the household. However, my wife has a veto and the right to discipline me as she sees fit. She's begun to punish me for doing or saying things that upset her. My first spankable offense for this was on Saturday morning when I got snarky when she was having trouble understanding how to use a new complex remote control system for our TV.

    I got a sentence of four days of spanking. Now that our disciplinary training wheels are off, I can't even imagine spanking her. I suspect she might like to try it once. However, I made the mistake of switching with a top who I was dating. I used the same implements on her that she used on me. When she found out how much it hurt, she was shocked and was very reluctant to play that heavily again with me as the bottom. I suspect I will get a similar reaction if I ever spank Mrs. Lion.

    In my BDSM life I was very well known. I did workshops and seminars at large, national events. I was a go-two source of whipping and spanking for a number of pro-dom and other female lifestyle tops. I always enjoyed turning the tables on them. In return, they often reciprocated. I think there is a Yang/Yang kind of thing with BDSM scenes. Almost every top I knew would switch once in a while just to recharge the batteries.

    Like you, Dan, I'm not at all interested in switching. It's not a very interesting subject for me. I focus on my role as a disciplined husband. It's been quite a few years since I've even fantasized about spanking a woman. I am not a submissive. Like many of you, I am a disciplined husband. I don't consider what we are doing now as BDSM at all. Switching, to me, is BDSM and therefore not appropriate.

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    1. That's a good point -- if your spouse is a reluctant spanker, giving them a taste of a real disciplinary spanking might exacerbate their qualms.

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  11. Hormones play a strong role in the shift...When a man is younger, he tends to prefer to dominate, but towards middle age as his testosterone falls (and estrogen rises), he begins to favor submission.

    Ben

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    1. Could be. Though, I think I've always had an aversion to exercising power over others.

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    2. Hello Ben!

      You might be surprised to discover that for some men, the testosterone actually increases, and for those unfortunate men, they are much more likely to develop prostate or testicular cancer.

      All that aside, Domestic Discipline usually has little to do with submission. Have a great week!

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    3. I was just reading today about the complexities of the body's conversion of certain pre-hormones into estrogen and testosterone and how that can vary by virtue of certain genetic traits. Last time I checked, I had testosterone to spare, but it probably is time to check the levels, among other things. Why is it that having a finger up your ass is so pleasurable in some contexts and so not in others?

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    4. Hi Dan!

      I think it all depends on the approach of the one who is inserting the finger, and the feelings that the recipient has for that person.

      Shilo's testosterone is once again going down along with his PSA. GREAT news for us!

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    5. No, that is not true. Science has not yet established a direct correlation between testosterone and aggression.
      Moreover, testosterone can contribute to both dominance and humility:
      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5509644/

      That is, the effect of testosterone is different in different environments:
      https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2018.00037/full

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  12. There does seem to be a variety of experiences and opinions. But threaded through the variety seems to be the notion that DD is a one way street in most disciplinary relationships. Using Danielle as an example, she might entertain an erotic spanking but it wouldn't work given her disciplinary role with Wayne. Liz seems to be saying something similar although she does hedge a little. Erotic spanking for the disciplinarian gets in the way of serious discipline for the partner subject to discipline. That has been my experience too. In fact I think whatever interest either women had in being spanked disappeared after putting me under their control. I would like to hear other opinions on this as it seems a common experience
    Alan

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    1. Way back when we were very first experimenting with erotic spanking in the context of role-playing punishment fantasies (which did not last long at all, as my wife felt it reinforced bad behavior by turning punishment into a game), my wife made a passing reference to maybe wanting to be dominated some time. As far as I know, she now gets off on being the one in control and it is, as you say, one-way.

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    2. Art has been spanking me erotically since the beginning of our relationship, and I disagree that it reduces my authority in giving him disciplinary spankings. Maybe because they are so different. He spanks me in the bedroom, OTK, bare, with his hand, and lightly. I paddle him hard, clothed, never in the bedroom, never OTK. Also maybe because the erotic spankings were my idea and the disciplinary spankings were his. And I initiate the erotic spankings each time.
      Whatever the reasons, we have no problem with it at all!
      Liz

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    3. If you asked me if I ever spanked my wife, my immediate answer would be never. But the answer could a couple times a week for more than 20 years. That's how different erotic and disciplinary spankings are. They aren't the same animal.
      I have no interest in causing my wife pain or forcing a change in her behavior. I have every interest in providing her a satisfactory bedroom experience.
      I am the one in need of painful reminders. What I do for her is what I would call "waking up the pubic region."
      Arthur

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    4. Thanks, Liz. That's a very helpful perspective.

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    5. Thanks, Arthur. I get the distinction you are making.

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    6. Art and I seem to be the only ones who "switch" in any manner at all. I guess that is not surprising since I, the disciplinarian, grew up in a home with parents who were true disciplinary swirches.
      I guess I don't think of what we do as true switching because I control them both. I tell him when to bend over for a paddling. And I crawl over his lap in bed and present my bottom. So really I am in charge of both. It doesn't feel like switching.
      Liz

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  13. I've never spanked my wife for discipline but we do spank each other for fun and games. Although she insists that she really doesn't want to be spanked, it gets her incredibly wet and she's almost always willing to play games. By games, I mean everything competitive from pool, mancala, cribbage, Scrabble, etc. Penalties are weighted for me versus her, given that I have the tougher butt!. I assure you that at some point the game ceases and the sex that follows is inevitably mind blowing.

    I realize that doesn't appeal to most of you, but it certainly works for us.

    As to discipline, it is always me on the receiving end.

    Neither of us were spanked at home, but I was paddled a few times at school. Certainly did me no harm and was always deserved except for one occasion where I was actually innocent!

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    1. Thanks, Wallace. I agree that most school paddlings did no harm.

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  14. The scenario where a dominant female is spanked for discipline is a favorite of mine. The extra difficulty for her to surrender, and the idea that this is not in any way a routine for her is powerful. Since I was a teenager, I fantasized about spanking girls as discipline, and have felt the understanding I have as a spanko is exactly what I want from my disciplinarian. She knows the feelings from my perspective intimately. So I imagine myself as being the ideal disciplinarian for my ideal partner or vice-versa. I'm drawn to both sides, but I do not tend to imagine switch-type relationships. One partner assumes the authority role, the head of household, and their status is strengthened by maintaining that position without ambiguity.

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  15. I guess I qualify as a "dominant woman" but, on some (rare) occasions, L. has been allowed to spank me - at my own request (and for some specific reason). This is exceptional, however, but I must confess that, while I did not exactly "enjoy" it, it's an experience I am willing to accept from time to time when I know I have deserved it ...
    J.

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  16. True, but I "get it" ± fifty times more often than you do! - and you never got a taste of the strap or of the riding crop...
    L.

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  17. My wife has become extremely dominant, and sometimes when she is using spankings and tease and denial to get me to do something I would like to flip her over my knee and give her a dose of her own medicine. But that is not how FLR works, so no switching here.
    Anton

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  18. There once was a couple who switched,
    When he was an ass, she a bitch.
    The offending spouse
    Would loudly cry ouch
    Until the behavior was fixed!

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    1. The last time I used the B word my wife used the razor strap on my bare bottom.

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    2. Yes, it seems like most disciplinary wives have banned that word from their husband's vocabulary.
      Anton

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  19. There once was a husband named Mitch,
    Who asked his wife if she would switch.
    Said she, "You are addled,
    You need to be paddled,
    Now strip off your clothes, every stitch!"

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  20. This is Liz. I got up the nerve to talk with my mother about switching with my Dad! I told her that I was paddling Art and that her comment had inspired him to suggest it. She laughed at that. Then I said I might want her advice on occasion because I knew she and Dad spanked each other. She asked me how I knew and I said we kids heard it. She just said oh. I asked her how it started and she said Dad started spanking her for her potty mouth and other "unladylike" behavior and she told him what was good for the goose was good for the gander and started spanking him when he was "ungentlemanly." She said they only did it when both agreed that the behavior warranted it and that was different than spanking us kids as we got it whether or not we agreed. She said it wasn't that often, maybe a few times a year. I told her Art made me a paddle and she said Dad only used his hand on her, while she usually used one of his belts. I asked if it was good for their marriage and she said yes, that I should know they did not believe in yelling and I agreed that they very seldom raised their voices and we kids appreciated that, even if it meant a hot bottom. She said that was the case in their marriage too. Then she asked me if it was working well with Arthur and I said very well and she laughed and said she was "glad to help!" Then we changed the subject.
    I was very glad to have this information!
    Liz

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