The interesting development is, a year later and kind of out of the blue, she is sticking to her guns. A couple of weeks ago, I related that I had a really stressful weekend, and I thought she might take mercy on me and let me avoid a spanking that I otherwise deserved. Nope. She gave me a very sound spanking that left me sore for several days. It happened again this week, and it was a little unexpected. We had gone out together with some of my work colleagues on Friday, and things got a little out of control. But, I was actually not even close to the worst behaved of the group. And, when we got home I started to fall into my preferred pattern of staying up, having a nightcap and watching a movie or listening to music. She told me very directly to go to bed, and I resented it and complained about it. But, unlike the incident a couple of months ago in which my resistance undermined her confidence, this time I actually complied. I didn’t like it at all, but I did obey her. I thought that my progress on the obedience front might have earned my way out of a spanking or at least resulted in a very light one. Nope. Her position was that while I did obey, I did it reluctantly and with a bad attitude, and the obedience also did not make up for the other bad behavior that evening.
As ZM said, “I agree totally about the power dynamic, both when we were kids when we hated the thought of being spanked, and now when we have done a 180 and want/need/crave imposed discipline. In fact, I think it would be fair to say that I almost need the "imposed" even more than the actual "discipline." But in other cases, I have talked her out of a spanking when I really knew that I deserved it. That is really unfair to her, because it makes it harder to be assertive like I am wanting, but then to be talked out of it when she tries. And of course, after the fact, the few times that this has happened over the several years, I have felt much more disappointed (both that it didn't happen and in myself for causing it to not happen) than the temporary relief I felt.”