Saturday, September 1, 2018

DCC Meeting #265 - Implements, The Final Hiding

“We gather to mourn the passing of American greatness — the real thing, not cheap rhetoric from men who will never come near the sacrifice, those that live lives of comfort and privilege while he suffered and served. America does not boast because she has no need to. The America of John McCain has no need to be made great again because America was always great.” – Meghan McCain

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or want to be in, Domestic Discipline or Wife Led Relationships.  I hope you all had a great week.  Mine began with a bit of remote, though genuine, mourning.  I was always a huge fan of John McCain.  He was one of my political heroes for many years, which is why it pained me so much not to vote for him in the general election in 2008.  I just couldn't bring myself to cast a vote to put Palin anywhere near the White House.
But, though I was disappointed in McCain as a candidate, he remained a role model for me as a person.  So, I do genuinely mourn his loss, along with the loss of a view of politics that honored statesmanship over tribalism.  He really does seem to be virtually the last of an era of politicians who would, at least every once in a while, elevate the national interest over party politics.  And, at least he made up the whole Palin thing to me in the end by not inviting her to the funeral!  

Now, on to less profound thoughts, and last week's "implements" topic certainly fits.  As dry and boring as a conversation about spanking implements can be, we did with last week's topic what we could.  At least a few people talked about the actual topic, which was whether particular implements were associated with particular emotional responses, but I guess it was inevitable that much of the conversation would drift into each implement's respective merits as a correction tool. Perhaps that collective advice was, at a minimum, helpful for any DD newbies who might have been visiting here last week.

This week's topic extends our discussion about implements, but looks at the opposite end of the temporal DD spectrum, focusing on those who have been in DD a long time.  A very long time.  It also sort of ties into the above discussion about funerals and the passing of our elders, though definitely a less serious and somber aspect of that theme  I'll illustrate the topic with this cartoon by our own KD PierreI hope he doesn't mind me plundering his works--which you can find at http://mattmansfigures.homestead.com/cartstart.html--without his advance consent, but I had the inspiration for this topic this morning and didn't have time to ask him.
Most of us put a lot of thought and planning into making sure our kids don't find out about our Domestic Discipline practices, but have you but that same kind of thought and planning into making sure they don't find out about it after you pass? Or, do you even care if they find out once you're gone?  Are you horrified, amused, or just plain uninterested at what such discovery might mean for your legacy?  Perhaps it's not an issue for those whose DD "tools of the trade" are confined to brushes and kitchen spoons, but what about those with a more exotic collection?  Have you made any arrangements to ensure your family and friends won't stumble across your DD activities when they are divvying up your stuff after the funeral?

We once did have such a plan, though it is so outdated now that I doubt it would actually work if we both passed without warning.  I have talked about the fact that there is one person who knows about our DD lifestyle; a mutual friend I told about it some time ago.  When I told her about our activities, she asked how we kept my wife's tools hidden, and I told her we keep them in a locked chest, along with some other adult "novelties."  She's a very smart lady, and she asked whether we had a plan in place to get rid of that chest if the worst should happen.  We didn't, and she volunteered to take possession and get rid of it if something should happen to us. That would, of course, involve making such arrangements in a will, and therein lies the gap in my plan.  We do have a will, but it's outdated and I haven't added anything dealing with disposal of our little adult toy collection.  Also, over time I migrated much of the collection to a locked suitcase, but I also have left other tools in more accessible places where they would inevitably be found if someone goes pawing through all our stuff after we're gone. As things stand, if something were to happen to us unexpectedly, I have little doubt that family and friends inevitably will find the evidence of our extracurricular activities, though they may be left scratching their heads about who was spanking whom.  Though, even that might be revealed if anyone were to find old written journal entries, forms we've used for weekly reports, etc.

Also, part of me hates the thought that this thing that has meant so much to us would just be tossed aside literally, in a locked box bound for the garbage dump, after we're gone.  Helen talked last week about wishing she had the brush her mother used on her and her brothers, and Anna talked about using a belt that came from Peter's grandfather (though she didn't say whether the belt was ever used for anything more than holding up his pants).  The idea of such inter-generational disciplinary use of high-quality tools--in which they become kind of a kinky family heirloom--is something I find both amusing and satisfying.  Further, I have invested a hell of a lot of money into some really nice paddles and straps over the years, and I hate to think about them being thrown into some landfill.

How about you? Have you taken any steps to ensure your spanking anonymity even after death?  A morbid topic to be sure, but given that most of our little community seems to be over 50, one that deserves some thought and attention, since you just never know when your own time is up.

With that comforting thought, have a great week.

 
  

36 comments:

  1. Yes, we all have desires, needs, wants, that we learn to fill our self. I have insured my spankings desires will never be known upon my passing.

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  2. Absolutely. Even when we are out of town I’m sure to hide anything that may expose us. JR

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  3. No. No hiding here. It could well be that when Rosa and I are gone, instead of being shocked at what we leave behind, some of our clan may end up arguing over who gets what.

    (The only way I would worry about something like this is if I was somehow ashamed of how I live.......and I'm not. So I'm certainly not going to worry over what reactions my life gets after I'm dead. Besides, I'll be too busy being dead to worry about much of anything.)

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    1. Honestly, when I think of my kids, siblings or friends stumbling on paddles and straps and such and imagine the looks on their faces, my reaction is really amusement. Where I feel more angst is around our parents. Part of me really likes the thought of shocking my very uptight mother-in-law. My own mom is kind of had to rattle. I think she would be surprised initially, but would quickly get over it and might be secretly amused. But, I really don't want my dad to be around if this part of our life is ever revealed. Of course, as you point out, *I* won't be around if that happens, so why sweat it!

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    2. You raise an interesting point..
      Part of me thinks that wouldn't it be great if after you were gone, family saw you in a cooler way.

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  4. Dan
    Funny this topic is coming up. as Anna said last week she uses a thick black leather belt that belonged to my
    grandfather. My own Dad admitted a few years ago that he had felt the belt more than once and yes my own Dad used it on me. In truth, when my Dad passed away, the belt which always hung in a closet in his study was about the only thing I took away. Anna, of course has used it on me often. It hangs in my closet off our bedroom.
    This past June our two sons, 15 & 16, were stopped by police here for joyriding with a friend who was arrested
    for DUI. The arresting officer is a member of the club where we play golf. He called and told me they were
    being held and I could pick them up. There were no charges but a few days later when Anna overheard them, with a few of their friends making it sound like it was cool. She lost it. That night she insisted I use the belt
    on them. That night after my lecture and grounding them for the month of June I leaned them side by side
    over the back of the sofa in the study, had them drop trousers and taste the sting of the belt.
    A few weeks ago one of my sons was helping Anna clear out our closet, when he saw the belt hanging on a hook. Anna saw him checking the belt out and before he could speak Anna smiled at him and said,
    " I keep that there to remind your dad that even he had better toe the line."
    When she told me that it has sparked a discussion of how much do we keep secret. There is a part of me
    that doesnt mind if they knew. Not now as teens, but as young men, who not?
    Peter

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    1. Hi Peter. Like you, there is a part of me that doesn't mind if my kids know. When they were younger, it might not have been appropriate, but now -- why should I really care? Of course, I debate whether we should have kept things in such secrecy even when they were younger. I read comments from the few people who came from DD households, like our sometimes commenter "Holly," and it seems like DD just became part of the background context of their upbringing, probably no more embarrassing than having a dad who drinks too much at Thanksgiving dinners or having a mom who is a MILF and all your friends want to screw her.

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    2. I suspect that the spanking gene runs in families meaning successive generation are more likely ( not determined) to adopt spanking in adulthood. But I think each should really have that choice and its a choice made better after maturity I have no objection to a mother sitting down with her 20 something son or daughter and explaining that Dad is subject to corporal punishment from her and why.But I would tread carefully before adulthood. Youths are imprinted easily and knowing that Dad was spanked can push them in a direction not entirely their choice. Holly may be an example. I remember her saying something like she was determined not to spank. But she inevitably did and maybe those seeds were planted before she even realized it.I am somewhat conflicted about this because I believe Holly and her husband probably both profited greatly from her decision but as I remember it her own mother put a lot of pressure on her to take that step.
      Alan

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    3. Hi Alan. It's complicated, and I doubt there is a "right" answer. Some kids might be more likely to adopt DD or just adult erotic spanking if they knew their parents engaged in it. Some might rebel and go the other way. Others might be entirely neutral or change their minds to reflect changing circumstances. There is just so much variability in human behavior, and kids pick up some of their parent's habits and ways of living, while totally rejecting others. There are a lot of things I respect about my dad, but I've lived my life in a very different way than he has. And, my wife likes her mom but rejects about 90% of her views on parenting, relationships and life in general.

      I do recall Holly's statements about her mother, but I think "pressure" might be too strong a word. I took it more as her mom voiced the opinion that her husband needed spanked, and while Holly initially did reject spanking as a relationship tool because she thought her mother spanked too often, she came around to her mom's point of view once her husband acted like a dick one too many times.

      In general, I do think you're probably right that adult activities should be kept to adults, but I also do think kids are both influenced by us and think about us way less than we like to believe. I also do see some merit in being open about lifestyle choices, so kids get that there isn't anything "wrong" with those choices, while not advocating that those are choices they need to adopt for themselves when they get to adulthood.

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  5. I've been mostly open with my offspring about my practices, whether it's polyamory or spanking Shilo. Even my more severe practice of BDSM isn't hidden. Rather it's "hidden in plain sight."

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    1. Also, RE: McCain
      I mourned his death as well. He always worked for the people rather than along political lines.

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    2. Hiding in plain sight is often a great strategy -- for lots of things.

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  6. For us, it won't be hard, as our one daughter found out relatively early by hearing spankings (even though we thought we were doing a good job of hiding them). She will be the executor of our estate and be the one to go through our things and won't be surprised by the implements she finds. She understands our relationship, that her father has his areas of authority and I have mine and that corporal punishment is helpful to keep her father on task.

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    1. Honestly, I won't be surprised if at some point my wife tells one of our kids, and I won't be at all surprised if that kid retorts that they knew all about it, probably by overhearing one or more spankings. I don't know for sure whether they have or haven't heard one, but it certainly could have happened, and I just think in general kids know way more than we like to think.

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  7. I would hope that they may think it play a part in a long happy marriage.
    Frank

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  8. I have been disposing of stuff from the DWC for over a year. Well before Aunt Kay passed. Being that at one time the website was super-popular and there was such a demand for booklets, videos, and implements that I sometimes went to the post office 4 times a week to ship.

    I can't count how many of those heavy-duty, construction-grade, black bags I had sent off with the trash pickup. And I have been giving implements away to a local Pro.

    Sometimes it's kind of sentimental. But I continue chipping away at it. I don't see any reason to save the stuff - maybe one or two implements - maybe none. I'll see.

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    Replies
    1. I'm sure many people would be happy to take some of that stuff off your hands. And, you definitely should keep anything that is even vaguely sentimental, at least for now.

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    2. Hmmmm If so, let me know at tomynash@gmail.com

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  9. STOP IT ! JUST STOP!

    ANNA

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  10. We don't care. If we are both dead we are just happy we don't have to clean out the basement.
    We see this along the same lines as alot of other things in our life. We want our kids to know us that we'll before then and know the good, the bad, and ugly about us. We will let them know at age appropriate times and in manners to each one of them will understand. We want them to learn from our mistakes and know us deeper than most parents are comfortable with.
    When the 9 was 7 he was not only present at the birth of the 2, HE WAS THE PHOTOGRAPHER! He got a really good shot of the delivery (that is on the encrypted dive). He knew the biology of sex long before he understood "love".
    We are strange...we know. But we want our kids to know us not an image of us...warts and all.

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    1. "But we want our kids to know us not an image of us...warts and all." I don't know whether that's strange. I do think until kids hit a certain age we are there to serve as examples and role models, even if those examples don't encompass the whole range of who we are. But, later, once their characters are more established, I think it's good for them to know their parents have feet of clay, as do we all. And, I have thought recently that too often I am still in "dad" mode and not often enough in "friend" mode. Now, I feel very strongly that when our kids are growing up it is important for parents to be focused on being parents, not being friends. But, ours are at ages where they pretty much are who they are, and I need to start enjoying them as those persons and not thinking of them purely in the context of being our children.

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    2. Dan
      Let me begin for saying sorry for my little rant the other day. Just so look forward to this blog anyway to get on topic, Peter and I have spoken about this very topic a lot lately. What started
      this was something one of the boys said to Peter a few weeks ago. He asked if Peter and I ever
      do things sexually other than just regular sex. When pressed by Peter what he meant other than
      "just regular sex", the boy said you know like in 50 Shades of Grey.
      Peter said he almost passed out trying to come up with the right answer. I loved his answer.
      " I can assure you, your mother and I have a robust and healthy sex life. We love and respect
      each other. Because of that respect and love I would never reveal details to anyone. I hope
      son that you treat any girl you date with the same love and respect."

      That opened our eyes and we realized that we needed to make it easier for our boys to talk about
      sex with us. As I told Peter when he told me what our boy asked, I realized we no longer have boys
      they are young men.

      I love this blog! I have turned on a few of my closer friends about it. Thank you for it!

      Anna

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    3. Hi Anna. No problem. I knew I was asking for it when I put up a political-oriented post. Though (a) I do think it speaks volumes about where the Republicans are right now that they see a five-time draft dodger as more worthy of praise and respect and, frankly, more patriotic than a Navy fighter pilot and POW; and (b) while I haven't gone out of my way to post political content or commentary, I may do so because it is a major part of who I am. This blog has always been a somewhat uncomfortable mixture of townhall and personal journal, and politics makes up way too much a part of my personal interests for me to say I won't ever post anything that might offend someone with other views. We have a lot of rights in this country, but I do not count among them a right to go through life without ever being offended. So, if I offended anyone yesterday . . . get over it; it's pretty likely to happen again.

      I have to say that I'm pretty glad that our kids escaped adolescence without me having any similar kind of talk. It's kind of ironic that we in this group spend all this time debating what our kids should and shouldn't be exposed to in the home, while they can watch any of the three 50 Shades movies on cable and all they need to read the books anonymously is a Kindle app on their smartphone. I wonder how many "young adults" have, in fact, read those books. I know that one of mine has, and it doesn't make me entirely happy, both because I have some "traditional dad" leanings, and because I honestly don't see those books as all that kink-positive, since their underlying message seems to be that kinky people are scarred by child abuse and everything gets better when someone vanilla comes into their life and tones down their kink. It's pretty much the classic "good girl meets bad boy and through her loving influence makes him . . . boring."

      But, it sounds like Peter got confronted with a discussion he couldn't avoid. I hope you'll keep us posted on how the discussions go from here and how much you choose to let the boys in on.

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    4. Anna: A little advice from someone who has done the parenting thing twice: when it comes to touchy topics? the less you reveal, the more they'll want to know. The more you reveal, the less they'll want to know....or ask. And that goes for anything. ;-)

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    5. kdpierre
      Great advice... am working on it ... thanks
      anna

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  11. On the original question we don't have much to hide/dispose of. I do have concerns about what might be accidentily found on various devices but I am very careful.

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    1. Yes, that may be a good follow-up topic. I probably have more on various devices than I think and more of an electronic trail than I would like,

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    2. Don't we all. Professional intelligence personnel can't cover every minor footprint in their life either.

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    3. I think I will take hairbrush in hand and "encourage" my husband to tell me if he has any electronic files we would not want discovered ...

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    4. Andy and I have fun coming up with slogans that could be o the back of a hairbrush. This discussion just triggered a new one: "Better than truth serum."

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    5. In our house, it would be my wife's on-line habits that get us caught. I tend to delete everything, while she probably has every text and email we've ever exchanged.

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  12. We have given quite a bit of thought about how to keep our activities secret, but that is more while we are alive. If we were to die suddenly and unexpectedly, then I really have no idea how we could keep things from being discovered, except of course I guess we could restrict ourselves to implements that also have vanilla purposes, but that seems quite limiting.

    Electronic files and so on are less likely to be a problem, since I try to keep those well shielded anyway, just to prevent a child from inadvertently coming across them while using a device. Anyway, we could probably do better at that part, but that is quite easily done.

    Having said all this, probably most of us are just fooling ourselves anyway, because our very perceptive offspring probably can put together the subtle clues and may be much more aware of our activities than we think they are!

    -ZM

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    1. Yes, that's always been my suspicion -- as hard as we've tried to keep things secret, I would bet we failed.

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  13. Guess we're clearly in the minority here but, no, we don't want anyone to find stuff after we pass. We haven't given as much thought as we should to the highly unlikely event that we both pass suddenly at the same time. We need to address that. I like the idea someone mentioned of having a trusted friend come and take out the trunk and clean a couple drawers. Probably hard to cover everything, but it's not so bad to me if someone finds a paddle or 2 as opposed to a whole lot of accessories! Thanks for the topic.

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  14. So far I have given away a couple of thousand dollars worth of implements. A lot of the high-end ones from the old DWC inventory and most of our absurdly extensive collection. The recipient of the vast majority is a sweet Dom lady who I crossed paths with. She absolutely it the jackpot.

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