Saturday, September 8, 2018

The Club - Meeting #266 - All Dressed Up . . .


"I can take care of my enemies, but Lord protect me from my friends."  -- Voltaire

Hi all.  I hope you had a great week.  It was an interesting one, on all sorts of levels.  The discussion was interesting, though probably a good reminder to me that, while I reserve the right to post about politics when I feel the need, it probably won't be something I do very often.  And, when I need that outlet, KD's blog almost always serves as one.  Thanks again to him for letting me borrow his artwork.  

Regarding the actual topic, ZM wins the prize for most astute observation: "Having said all this, probably most of us are just fooling ourselves anyway, because our very perceptive offspring probably can put together the subtle clues and may be much more aware of our activities than we think they are!" Well said and almost undoubtedly true.

As is all too often the case, I find myself totally worn out on this beautiful Saturday morning, and while it is mostly my fault, not entirely.  Unless peer pressure is just never an excuse and I must be 100% resistant to temptation all the time.  

As usual, it all comes down to me liking alcohol just a little too much, and having too many friends who fit in that same category.  I had some mid-week business travel, culminating in a business dinner.  Interestingly, it began with all of us refusing the bread basket at the beginning of the meal based on our low-carb diets, and ended with us demolishing that bowl, and carbs with our dinners, and then dessert!  Along with a bottle of wine.  I suspect sometimes that my fondness for booze really is just another aspect of sugar addiction, and they certainly seem to at least be mutually enforcing.  Unfortunately, the night didn't end there, as I went back to the hotel with the intention of having "a" nightcap.  Then, a work colleague called regarding something we needed to cover.  She too was in a hotel bar, and we ended up having real drinks "together" in the virtual world of a cellphone conversation separated by several hundred miles.  I had to fly again the next day, getting an unanticipated upgrade to First Class, and the flight attendants seemed particularly attentive in refilling my glass.  The net result was total exhaustion and, frankly, one of those "why the fuck do I keep doing this to myself" moments of self-awareness in which I promised to get on the right track and seriously pondered getting started on a belated Sober September, which I understand is kind of a "thing" these days.  And, I really meant to do it.  Then, my wife set up an an unanticipated get together with another couple, at an Oktoberfest of all things, and I'm just not wired to stay perfectly sober when surrounded by a bunch of people wearing lederhosen and carrying tankards of good beer.  Hence, the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon and the qoute from Voltaire.   But, I really do need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and try once more to get my shit together.

Perhaps because my mind is basically jello after several days of abusing myself, but also because finding topics remains challenging, this week's topic is probably one some will find a little boring, but I just can't think of anything more profound or worth covering right now.  And, as is often the case, comments from one week help feed the beast for a subsequent week.  A couple of weeks ago we got off-topic to a discussion of canes (and I have since bought several, some of which may get tried out this weekend).  TommyTucker observed:
 
"When C canes she invariably dresses in a sleeveless dress or shirt because she has found that a completely bare right arm enables her to swing that cane with no interference from loose clothing. I personally find it very erotic when C dresses in a sleeveless dress on a normal day or evening, because I am reminded of those occasions when that bare right arm has come down hard on me."

Similarly addressing the issue topic of spanking-devoted dressing up by our Disciplinary Wives, ZM discussed his wife's adoption of a camouflage shirt as her signal that a spanking was coming:

"The camouflage shirt was her idea, and it flowed out of us making this an extended boot camp time where she would intentionally be more demanding and significantly raise her expectations. The idea was to make a big deal out of small details so that I would become more conscientious, and hopefully as I learned to take care of small things, some big things would improve as well. We were joking about her being the drill sergeant, and she was like "I have just the thing to wear!"

Once we had ascribed special meaning to that shirt, it suddenly became a very clear signalling device. This has been especially useful during these summer months, when our house has been full. If she walks in the room wearing that shirt, nobody else will notice in the least, but for me, time stops. I then know that I have dome something wrong and she has decided to punish me as soon as we are alone. One additional "benefit" (though I am not really sure it is positive), is that once she puts on the shirt, she is also basically committed because she knows she sent the signal."

For women more than men, clothing really seems to hide as much as it reveals,
 and you certainly cannot judge a book by its cover.


We really don't have any such ritual, though it has been on my mind a lot since ZM brought up the camouflage shirt.  As was the case with for some of us with certain tools, certain aspects of Domestic Discipline do seem to take on a ritualistic significance, and I can see how dressing a certain way could become significant in that way.  And, while we don't really incorporate a particular kind of dressing up into our Domestic Discipline activities, I have noted that when my wife is having particular success in becoming more dominant, her daily dress does become more professional and structured, which I personally love.

Do the Disciplinary Wives adopt any special outfit, whether to signal a spanking is coming or for purposes of carrying out the disciplinary event? Do you find the ebbs and flows of disciplinary dominance are reflected in your partner's dress?

47 comments:

  1. Hi Dan
    Had a tough session with the bath brush myself last week for exceeding ( actually breaking) drinking rules so am very sympathetic for your struggles. Re this week's topic, in my fantasy and unfortunately limited experience certain items of feminine dress are very erotic associated with spanking. These run a spectrum from high heels, high boots, dark tailored suits or skirts and especially to well-tailored pencil skirts that so beautifully round of the curves in your lover’s gorgeous ass. Alas I have asked or begged both wonderful women who have spanked me to do a little “dress up” Both refused rather strongly and long since I have given up that happening. My girlfriend had done some modeling and so she tended in the early days to have on skirt and hells when I was punished and forever will I remember the sexy boots she wore in the winter and failed to remove when removing my pants and underpants. But she was opposed to dress-up and so I was spanked in whatever she was wearing. My wife, maybe more experienced but less interested in fashion has taken an even tougher line. So traveling excepted probably 90 percent of spankings today are in very casual clothes, often jeans or slacks. This is not to say “ritual” is missing from discipline. Generally there is quite a bit of it if by ritual one means repeating certain symbolic acts in a way that communicates meaning and significance. Most of these involve preparing me to be spanked and the aftermath. But clothing has not played a big part in it.
    Alan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess misery loves company. I'm glad I'm not the only guy with self-control issues. Though, if I was, this would be a pretty small and lonely group. :-)

      Delete
  2. Dan
    As I know Anna has reported if I am to be punished it is usually on Friday evenings, since our sons go to spend the night with Anna's folks. If Anna is dressed to go out to dinner when I come home from work I know that there will be no discipline that evening.
    On the other hand if Anna is still in her leotards, she takes a dance/yoga workout on Fridays, I know that when
    she returns from dropping the boys at her folks I am in for it. Lately she has added in the sweetest of tones
    "Why dont you take a nice long shower while I am gone ". That is code for get naked and be standing in our
    bedroom in the corner naked with your nose against the wall!.
    Peter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Peter. Interesting angle -- that NOT dressing in anything special could signal a spanking is coming.

      Delete
  3. On a couple of occasions, my wife has dressed up in nightie and wig to surprise me with a spanking. While that might seem more like play than discipline, taking on a different persona seems to have freed her up to deliver a very harsh punishment - that's certainly how it felt!

    Like you Dan, I'm a sucker for the professional businesswoman look - and that's how my wife spends her day. At home, though, she's generally quickly in something casual, or even pajamas. So that's typically what she's wearing for our sessions. Of course, once in position, I don't have a good view of her anyway, so her clothing is not uppermost in my thoughts!
    CrimsonKing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aunt Kay produced a booklet about Role Play to go along with the rest of the set she offered. But she never released that one.

      Indeed Crimson King, during the session apprentice is irrelevant. But the memories....

      Delete
    2. Hi CK. While many wives aren't interested in, and may have a negative reaction to, dressing in a "sexy" or "Femdom" costume for DD, I get how dressing in some way different than your day-to-day persona could be freeing and help them get past some of the feelings they associate with their "real" identity.

      Delete
    3. Hi Tomy. Interesting that she didn't release that one.

      Delete
    4. Yes. It has a very cool cover art too.

      Delete
  4. I dress not for the spanking I am going to give Andy, but for the sexual interaction afterwards. I am a bit overweight, so I often wear long flowing skirts and dresses which I find quite comfortable while working from home. However, that is too much material that can get all bunched up when making love. So when I know I am going to punish Andy and then have sex when he gets home from work, I will change into a shorter skirt. No, not a miniskirt or a pencil skirt, as neither works with my ample curves. I will don a loose skirt of about knee length. And I remove my panties so that there is instant access with his tongue or cock (or both), depending on whatever I require after I roll him off my lap.

    When he comes in the door and sees me in a shorter skirt, he knows he is in for punishment ... and aftercare. It is so fun to see his facial expressions, which include trepidation and excitement. ("Oh, no, I did something wrong and I'm getting the hairbrush! But then I'm getting laid!")

    When I am feeling especially excited about the evening to come, I will leave my panties in plain sight so that he sees them when he comes in the door ... and instantly knows what is going to be expected of him after the hairbrush is applied.

    I also will occasionally say to him at the door, "You may as well take those trousers off, as you won't be needing them this evening." I love watching him undress for punishment in front of me. As I have previously mentioned, we wear the same panties, and there is nothing cuter than my Andy in a dress shirt and tie with his panties peeking out around the shirttails! And both of us knowing they will soon be coming down!

    As you can see, over the years domestic discipline has become a fun and sexy activity for us ... as well as effective punishment. And dress (or undress) is a part of it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's interesting that in all these cases (other than CK), there are clothes that are associated with DD, but they're still just regular day-to-day clothing. B

      Delete
    2. I am not going to dress up like anybody else, because then that might feed my husband's fantasy of being punished by someone else. I am not a dominatrix, I am not his school teacher, I am not his boss at work, etc. I am a disciplinary wife. HIS disciplinary wife. So I am going to look like myself and no one else. For the same reason, I do not allow him to look at spanking porn. His spanking fantasies should be about me!

      I do have a pair of boots and he has asked me to wear them during punishment. But I refused because the punishment is not supposed to be a turn-on for him. I don't mind him being turned on beforehand (he often gets an erection when he sees me in a spanking skirt or when I tell him to take off his pants), and I often want him to get turned on after, but not during. And I know that if he could grip a leather boot while OTK that he would be turned on by it. It would take an extra effort to spank him soft, which I find annoying and diverting from the actual reason he is being punished.

      Delete
    3. While most Disciplinary Wives have to contend with the fact that there is eroticism running through DD to one degree or another for most couples, you do seem to have to contend with that more than most given Andy’s strong spanko inclinations.

      Delete
    4. I guess that is so. We don't know any other DW couples personally, so it's hard to compare. But spanking is definitely erotic for both of us, even though we only do it for punishment.

      Delete
    5. Hi Dan,
      It sounds like Helen has achieved the perfect balance between enjoying the eroticism possible in spanking and achieving the disciplinary benefits also possible. This suggests a poll question not yet covered as far as I remember: after discipline what sort of sexual activity if any are you allowed. Possible answers could range from the kind of lovemaking reported by Helen to lovemaking with penetration but no climax to lovemaking with no penetration, to no lovemaking at all to forbidden all lovemaking/sex for a period. I am in the last of these (24 hour rule) although earlier I did experience lovemaking immediately after spanking which I remember as a passionate and intimate experience. My wife feels strongly about this, believing that sex works against the disciplinary effects of a spanking and so I am unlikely to change her mind. But it would be interesting in this community to know how much or little lovemaking is allowed by our wives and girlfriends. From reading I have the impression my situation is pretty common and Helen’s rare, but could be wrong.
      Alan

      Delete
    6. Hi Alan. I think we've covered that or something like it in the past, but recycling topics is kind of inevitable given the narrowness of this blog's subject matter. I'm happy to make it a topic soon.

      Delete
    7. Alan, I will speak very passionately on this topic when the time comes, including my argument that sex can actually enhance the effects of discipline because of the intimacy. He feels so close to me after punishment followed by sex that he truly wants to obey.

      Delete
    8. Helen: You said: "spanking is definitely erotic for both of us, even though we only do it for punishment". Later you say how great the reconnection is after a spanking and sex, so I have a question: If Andy suddenly behaved perfectly and needed no further discipline, would you just go on with your lives without spanking of any kind......even if it meant missing out on that little extra touch of passion?

      Delete
    9. KD, First, there isn't a whole lot of reason to consider something that would never transpire (Andy's perfect behavior, lol). But to answer: I am greatly turned on by power exchange and would want that in some manner. Andy is a spanko and I believe would want that in some manner. So I guess it's a good thing that he can't behave!

      Delete
    10. Alan,
      If you did experience lovemaking after spanking but now it is forbidden, then something must have happened for your wife to change her mind about allowing it. Something that led her to believe that sex reduces the effectiveness of punishment. Something about your subsequent behavior?
      Helen

      Delete
    11. Helen
      It might have been my behavior. I am not as obedient after I have been allowed to ejaculate. My wife has often remarked that I am better behaved when denied and to a point that is probably true. But sex after spanking was cut off both my former girlfriend who introduced me to DD and my wife. Both allowed lovemaking early in the relationship but stopped it a year or two in. Both eventually admitted they did not feel like sex after punishing me. My wife originally said it was just a part of the punishment and she felt discipline and lovemaking didn’t mix. But she now is frank to say making love to a naughty boy who was spanked doesn’t make her want to make love. Strangely my wife reports that the experience of spanking me and my behavior afterward does make her horny a day or two later but not that day. I miss it a lot and we have talked about it plenty but my wife will not relent. I think she sincerely believes denying me enhances the discipline and in a sense it does because I know getting in trouble with her means no sex and intercourse with her is the only time I am allowed to ejaculate. But I also remember the feelings of intimacy and passion that came from making love to the woman who had just spanked me. It was awesome. I look forward to your discussion of the topic and imagine many other men are interested too. My wife doesn’t normally read any spanking blogs but she will read that one
      Alan

      Delete
    12. Whether love making of any sort happens in this house depends on how well he has submitted to me and whether I see signs of real penance. If he resists me or thrashes around or swears he is not accepting it and not showing penance. I think some after care is my responsibility but sex is a reward and he doesn't get rewarded until I see real submission and contrition. This by the way is also possible to observe while he is in the corner and petulance or attitude are on display. When I do see acceptance and real regret my heart melts for him and I am likely to begin love making being pretty aggressive about it. But otherwise I a not interested in sex with him at all and just might spank him again Alan my guess is the women who spanked you are not seeing the submission and remorse they are looking for either while they are punishing you or in your behavior later. If you want to make love to as you put it the women who just spanked me, you need to show her that spanking worked because I tell you from experience she is trying very hard to make it work and that will make her happy ( as well as frisky)
      Judy Z

      Delete
    13. Thank you both( I think)for observations based on more experience than your husbands like to remember. But don't you think there are also women whose libido is not consistent with administering punishment and they temporarily shut down. I am not perfect but over the years I have learned to take a spanking and make it a positive experience. I don't move around much, also present my bum for her and keep in position and feel and express remorse as well as recite exactly why I am in trouble. My spanking go a lot like Helen has described except at the end I am told to pull up my pants and dismissed, rather than invited to make love. I sound like I am complaining but don't mean to I am grateful for the discipline my wife hands out which often keeps me from going off the rails as well as harming our relationship. I just know that love making adds greatly to discipline and don't really understand why it is denied to me other than that some women simply are not interested in making love to a man they have just needed to punish.
      Alan

      Delete
    14. If you don't mind, let's all hold these thoughts until tomorrow, at which time I can devote a whole topic to it.

      Delete
  5. Neither Rosa nor I care much for dressing in some special way for a punishment. For us it sends too much of a 'role-play' vibe and makes the session seem less serious. It turns it into something it's not supposed to be. We have done fetish dress-up for fun on a few occasions though.

    (Thank for the nod about my blog. Your participation there is always welcome. And you are always welcome to use any artwork, cartoon, or even written piece of mine......though you might be better off using something created by a woman. [inside joke LOL] ;-) )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it would work that way for us too, if it was anything other than ZM's scenario, i.e. one article of regular clothing that comes to act as a signal that DD is coming.

      Perhaps you need to assume a new on-line identity, with a new gender identification, and repost all your stuff under that identity. "Katy Pierre" perhaps? ;-)

      Delete
    2. "Katy Pierre" Brilliant! I'll be I could triple my feedback with that alteration. I could be like Sassy Bottoms......except without killing anyone.

      Delete
  6. For us clothes don't matter when it comes to dicipline. What ever she happends to be wearing and whatever I am told to take off. When incorporated with sex we have a few things but nothing that stands out. We also don't role play...because it would quickly devolve into eyerolling and laughing. Neither one of us can act and should not try.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same here with us and role play -- one or both of us would likely laugh. Just not our thing.

      Delete
  7. I agree on the role play which I feel would undermine the essential nature & aim of DD. We have never really discussed dress per se but the appearance of a certain demeanour combined with the black polo sweater and hair tied back gets my attention. Often indicates that a trip upstairs for some discipline is imminent. TB

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hair! Thanks, Tea Boy. I forgot to mention that I typically wear my long hair loose or in a braid but it can flop around while spanking so I put it up in a bun. I often wind up my braid while Andy is standing at my side with his panties down, waiting to go over my knee. It gives him an embarrassing moment to think, and asserts my authority. Occasionally I will put my hair up before he comes through the door--another indication for him of what is about to transpire. "When her hair's in a bun, he's going to have hot buns!"

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think of role play as a whole other dimension; akin to the DWC relationship, but not really part of the actual disciplinary element. It's a shared creative adventure and it takes a lot of commitment, and I dare say skill, to move into it and enjoy it. It's not for everyone.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Am afraid me and Mrs GL are very boring. I am always in sleeping shorts and matching top, she is always in a sensible nightie.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dan
    A couple of questions that perhaps can be topics you can use in a future blog.

    1) If the husbands being disciplined had a choice as to how he wanted his wife to dress
    what would that be?
    2) What are the feelings about including sex after a discipline session. That is for both
    husband and/or wife.
    3) How does a husband feel about being disciplined in front of others?
    4) How does the couple feel about others knowing? about adult children being aware?

    Just a few random thoughts. Do love the chats here. Adore Helen I want to be president
    of her fan club! As always thank you for this forum!

    anna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But . . . but . . . I thought you were president of MY fan club? :-)

      Delete
  12. And I will be president of yours, Anna!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I prefer my nudity.I really do hate clothing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. There are fan clubs? I'll bring the cookies.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hello Dan,
    I think it is interesting that as soon as you mentioned clothing, the conversation quickly transitioned to role play.

    As I have said before, we do both domestic discipline and also sometimes femdom role play, and the two are entirely different. When we do roleplay, it is for fun, and when we do DD it is about as real as any consensual DD can be: real infractions and real emotions resulting in real punishments hopefully leading to real change.

    Obviously for roleplay, clothing is important because the correct clothing helps to assume a role. For example, it is much easier to pretend to be a pirate if you are dressed as a pirate. However, we believe that clothing plays just as large of a role in DD. The difference is, in DD she is not dressing up to be or pretending to be someone she is not.

    In reality, my wife is a strong, smart, extremely responsible woman with high expectations for herself and those around her. And in reality I am also strong, very intelligent, hard-working, and a very kind person. However, I also have a few rough edges. I always push the limits in everything, like somehow I really need to know that there are boundaries. I rely too much on superior intellect, so I don't know my own limits. I am horrible with managing time. I am not very good at getting started on things (though once I do get started, I simply don't stop for anything). Also, because I am very kind, I tend to say yes too often to people. None of these character traits is all that unusual, nor are they worse than other people might have, but the problem is that we are in a critical time in our life where failure simply is not an option, and we need me to be not only running at full speed, but also routinely doing the impossible! Consequently, my wife is helping me to become more responsible, quicker to start things, more resolute, etc.

    We have found that a HUGE part of the dynamic of DD is psychological and is centered around the temporary (but profound) shift in power. In fact, I would say it is the only thing that really matters, and physical punishment is merely a reinforcement of (and a later reminder of) that power exchange.

    For us, the clothing worn (or lack thereof) during DD acts as strong reinforcement of the power imbalance that is so critical to the DD process. She doesn't dress to be a teacher and pretend that I am a naughty student. Instead, she dresses in something that highlights the powerful person that she already is and which shows the authority that she wields, much like a uniform does. A policeman is still the same person whether wearing his/her uniform or not, but it is automatically easier to respect his/her position and authority when (s)he is in uniform.

    We at times get a little closer to what some may consider roleplay when it comes to what I wear during a punishment. Just being naked or partially naked when she is dressed in powerful clothing already provides a striking contrast. But as she makes it clear that I am not meeting our mutual expectations, if she thinks it necessary she doesn't hesitate to do further things to suppress my massive male ego long enough for me to actually listen, and that can include feminine clothes or even a diaper. Even in this, she doesn't pretend that I am something else, but rather it is more “if you are going to act like a baby and whine about things instead of taking action, then you can just dress like a baby. How shameful that a full-grown man like you has to be treated like a baby.”

    Anyway, all that is to say that for us, clothing plays a significant role in DD.
    -ZM

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi ZM. That is interesting, isn't it? Probably just a reflection of the horny, kinky crowd we have here at the Disciplinary Couples Club. ;-) I think there also may be different forms of "role play" in these relationships. One, as you describe is explicitly fantasy, like your pirate example. But, for many of us there is a more subtle "role playing" element, revolving around playing an improved version of oneself. You describe you and your wife as: "In reality, my wife is a strong, smart, extremely responsible woman with high expectations for herself and those around her. And in reality I am also strong, very intelligent, hard-working, and a very kind person. However, I also have a few rough edges. I always push the limits in everything, like somehow I really need to know that there are boundaries. I rely too much on superior intellect, so I don't know my own limits. I am horrible with managing time. I am not very good at getting started on things (though once I do get started, I simply don't stop for anything)." That description of yourself matches me almost to a T, except I am pretty good at getting started at things and less good at carrying them through to a successful conclusion. In addition to those qualities, I tend to be overly aggressive, take too many personal risks, and I'm generally too unstructured and poorly organized. Like your wife, mine is smart, strong and hard working, but also kind and forgiving -- sometimes too much so -- and in years past not as assertive as she could be. So, to some extent this FLR lifestyle represents us both "role playing" as improved, more balanced versions of our true selves, with her Disciplinary Wife persona being more assertive, more aggressive and more commanding that she probably feels at her core, and with being a deferential, attentive, humble, husband playing WAY against my "real" character.

      I like your policeman simile. The uniform does, to some extent, make the man . . or woman.

      Delete
  16. This is such a healthy, positive, example of how a couple molds DD, or in my lingo DWC, fundamentals into somehting that works perfectly for them. Love thrives, and positive behavior is powerfully encouraged. This makes me quite happy to hear about.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am ever grateful to Aunt Kay for teaching me good manners. Might not have anything to do with anything here. But just saying.

    ReplyDelete

Your comment will posted if/when approved by the moderator. This blog is a curated resource for those genuinely and positively interested in DD and FLR lifestyles. Comments that are rude, uncivil, inconsistent with the blog's theme or off-topic may not be posted or may be removed.