"I just love bossy women. I could be around them all day. To me, bossy is
not a pejorative term at all. It means somebody’s passionate and
engaged and ambitious and doesn’t mind leading." - Amy Poehler
Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or want to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships. I hope you had a great week.
Mine started great, was rough in the middle, but seems to be getting a little better at the end. The roughness in the middle was the result of my own bad behavior. After doing much better for awhile, I really let my temper get away with me at work, and I had a few other "issues." And, thanks to some work travel, our new self-reporting with report cards system fell apart. But, I am going to try to get back on it tomorrow, and given my bad behavior, a hard spanking is probably coming my way. The issue at work also illustrates for me the extent to which a spanking sometimes is the lesser punishment, as I know that what i really need to do is apologize for my behavior, yet because of some of the power relationships involved (it would involved apologizing to people up the chain, which is always harder for me), I am far, far more intimidated by the prospect of apologizing than at the prospect of being spanked.
There may be other things coming my way, too. During a discussion we had over dinner early in the week, my wife told me that she recently watched the second and third installments in the 50 Shades of Gray series. She said the experience left her very turned on, and that some of that centered on thoughts of how to dominate me harder and push me more into the role of a real submissive. She did not elaborate, but she certainly has my attention. It's also interesting to me that even though those movies are about M/f dominance, watching them did not seem to make her want to experience things from that angle. Quite the opposite. She clearly has a firmly established view of herself as the dominant party in this relationship, which was not the case when we started DD many years ago.
As I said last week, for various reasons, the DD and FLR aspects of our relationship have been on my mind a lot lately. Anna described it as seeing the hunger growing, both in my blog content and in answers to comments. It's probably true, though part of that may also be that I haven't been very good at coming up with topics lately, which kind of forces me to talk more about what's going on with me personally. And, I also do go through phases in which I do want to be more open, and this seems to be one of them.
So, openness will be the topic for this week. We've talked a few times about how open people are about the DD or FLR aspects of their relationship, and the short answer seems to be "not very." Most of us are firmly in the closet, and most of the comments suggest people want to stay there. Yet, in one of our recent polls, a very strong majority said they wanted their wives to be more openly dominant.
There seems to be some tension between those two. On the one hand, we don't want anyone to know that we are disciplined husbands or the second-in-command in an FLR family, yet we also want our wives to be more open about the fact that they are the leader. We find those outward expressions of control and confidence incredibly sexy, yet we also don't like the social ramifications of being seen as less manly by virtue of her being viewed as the one in control.
So, if you aren't comfortable with people knowing everything about your roles, just how far are you OK with her going in letting the world know she runs the house and is in charge? What form does that take? What is the furthest she has gone in being openly suggestive about that role in public?
For us, it was two Christmases and involved a very open comment about the possibility of spanking me. We had relatives over for a Christmas brunch. She had asked me to do something, and I responded with some joke about doing it herself. Having had two or three mimosas, she said loudly enough for everyone to hear, "I could do that. Or, I could just spank you." Now, I think everyone thought she was joking. But, you never know. Did it bother me? No, not at all. In fact, it really turned me on and obviously is still on my my mind months later. Honestly, I think right now I am more comfortable with others finding out about this thing we do than she is. Now, in the moment I would probably feel differently, but I do think the prospect of public consequences for public misbehavior needs to be one tool in her arsenal.
Now, tell us about your own experiences with her displaying her dominance more openly or times she has let her leadership or disciplinary role show through.
I hope you have a great week.
Hi all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or want to be in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships. I hope you had a great week.
Mine started great, was rough in the middle, but seems to be getting a little better at the end. The roughness in the middle was the result of my own bad behavior. After doing much better for awhile, I really let my temper get away with me at work, and I had a few other "issues." And, thanks to some work travel, our new self-reporting with report cards system fell apart. But, I am going to try to get back on it tomorrow, and given my bad behavior, a hard spanking is probably coming my way. The issue at work also illustrates for me the extent to which a spanking sometimes is the lesser punishment, as I know that what i really need to do is apologize for my behavior, yet because of some of the power relationships involved (it would involved apologizing to people up the chain, which is always harder for me), I am far, far more intimidated by the prospect of apologizing than at the prospect of being spanked.
There may be other things coming my way, too. During a discussion we had over dinner early in the week, my wife told me that she recently watched the second and third installments in the 50 Shades of Gray series. She said the experience left her very turned on, and that some of that centered on thoughts of how to dominate me harder and push me more into the role of a real submissive. She did not elaborate, but she certainly has my attention. It's also interesting to me that even though those movies are about M/f dominance, watching them did not seem to make her want to experience things from that angle. Quite the opposite. She clearly has a firmly established view of herself as the dominant party in this relationship, which was not the case when we started DD many years ago.
As I said last week, for various reasons, the DD and FLR aspects of our relationship have been on my mind a lot lately. Anna described it as seeing the hunger growing, both in my blog content and in answers to comments. It's probably true, though part of that may also be that I haven't been very good at coming up with topics lately, which kind of forces me to talk more about what's going on with me personally. And, I also do go through phases in which I do want to be more open, and this seems to be one of them.
So, openness will be the topic for this week. We've talked a few times about how open people are about the DD or FLR aspects of their relationship, and the short answer seems to be "not very." Most of us are firmly in the closet, and most of the comments suggest people want to stay there. Yet, in one of our recent polls, a very strong majority said they wanted their wives to be more openly dominant.
There seems to be some tension between those two. On the one hand, we don't want anyone to know that we are disciplined husbands or the second-in-command in an FLR family, yet we also want our wives to be more open about the fact that they are the leader. We find those outward expressions of control and confidence incredibly sexy, yet we also don't like the social ramifications of being seen as less manly by virtue of her being viewed as the one in control.
So, if you aren't comfortable with people knowing everything about your roles, just how far are you OK with her going in letting the world know she runs the house and is in charge? What form does that take? What is the furthest she has gone in being openly suggestive about that role in public?
For us, it was two Christmases and involved a very open comment about the possibility of spanking me. We had relatives over for a Christmas brunch. She had asked me to do something, and I responded with some joke about doing it herself. Having had two or three mimosas, she said loudly enough for everyone to hear, "I could do that. Or, I could just spank you." Now, I think everyone thought she was joking. But, you never know. Did it bother me? No, not at all. In fact, it really turned me on and obviously is still on my my mind months later. Honestly, I think right now I am more comfortable with others finding out about this thing we do than she is. Now, in the moment I would probably feel differently, but I do think the prospect of public consequences for public misbehavior needs to be one tool in her arsenal.
I hope you have a great week.
Hi Dan,
ReplyDeleteIt is just striking how much the whole DD dynamic works (for males) when wife or girlfriend aggressively uses and expresses their authority. I think public displays can be an important part of that because it reinforces the reality of her authority. For me the defining moment with both women in my life was being spanked in front of a witness or in hearing of a witness. But there is a powerful social need to have others know or share the knowledge that you are spanked – a social need very inhibited for most of us by the social repercussions possible. Hence we keep it private or limited to very close and trusted friends or act it out in safe ways like the “innocuous” smack on the butt at a supermarket or announcing an impending sparking at some remote location where you are not known and far from home. But these are all expressions of the same desire to have her exercise her authority and sometimes in public. This is all normal human behavior but we don’t live at a time yet when it is possible to freely express it. The great news from Ireland (abortion referendum) reminds us how fast the world is changing (and Trump reminds us how fast it needs to change). But some day I believe a man will be able to acknowledge that his wife loves him enough to spank him when he needs it and he is proud of it and proud of her .
Alan
Hi Alan. It is, in fact, interesting that we are such social animals that we seem to fell a compulsion to tell others our secrets. Though, I think that also may be an American thing that that is not nearly as prevalent in other parts of the world.
DeleteAs you know, I like the "naughty" side of Domestic Discipline enough that it really won't bother me if it never becomes any more open or popular than it is now, though I recognize the incongruity that I spend part of every Saturday writing a blog designed to make it more open and popular.
BTW, I forgot to tell everyone, I had another possible disciplined husband sighting at the gym. A guy in his 40s getting dressed, and very conspicuously wrapping a towel around him before putting on his underwear after showering, such that his butt was never openly displayed.
DeleteI have mixed feelings about this because, while I acknowledge (and accept) J's "right" to spank or whip me as she sees fit - just as I did with N, my (late) first wife - I am not entirely comfortable with the idea of being spanked under the eyes of one of her friends (any more than I am with getting my derrière paddled or whipped in a hotel room while we are traveling). J. (or N.) of course, have/had no compunction about spanking or whipping me when it might be witnessed - or overheard!
ReplyDeleteL.
Understood, though the topic was really aimed at more subtle shows of authority.
DeleteAgain, I seem to be totally different than most readers and responders. All family and friends, vanilla and lifestyle know she is the one in charge. She never threatens me when my behavior is poor, she acts. Everyone will recall my story about being brought to an adjacent room and spanked while at a friends home. My former Dominant would spank in public and in front of anyone present. So she acts dominant in public and I accept her and my role. I have no issue in telling anyone she is the boss and I will do as I am told. Some of my friends know I am spanked and some have actually witnessed it.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think that kind of openness definitely is the exception and not the rule.
DeleteInteresting topic. I recently explained to a mate that if my better half found out about a favour I was doing him "my arse will be toast". I had not meant to tell that it just came out. In general we tend to keep my two monthly spanking private (especially from the kids) and with Mrs GL being a local civic figure you can understand why I suspect. However with my friends I am slowly letting the cat out of the bag ( although non of my female friends know). Not sure if my mother has figured it out and whilst I would cope with her asking I am not sure about sharing my recent retrospective analysis of how different life would have been had been if mother GL had spanked me between 11 and 40... Cheers Good Life Mickey
ReplyDeleteJust reread that, two monthly should read twice monthly. Cheers GLM
DeleteI am in a somewhat similar situation in that my wife is not a public figure per se, but she is in a profession in which being outed about anything with a sexual overtone could have pretty significant consequences. It does mean I feel the need to stay more confidential about things, even if I'm personally not as concerned about that as I once was.
DeleteI am not interested in letting anybody in the real world know that my guy goes over my knees for a spanking. It is a deeply personal thing for me. I prefer the world to think that the man is in charge. I even dont mind when people think that I am submitting to him, even though I dont :-) To me, it feels like: His submission to me is such a wonderful gift, I dont wanna share it with anybody else. He is mine, mine alone.
ReplyDeleteThat's an interesting perspective. Thanks!
DeleteRosa has no problem being public with threats but lately I am very resistant to discipline. Just yesterday I was so annoyed with the way things were going at a barbecue we were hosting that I got very pissy with her ......in the presence of Marta. later the two teased me that I should have said something sooner instead of getting so bitchy and they both said I should be spanked for my attitude. A dream scenario right? My response? It wasn't "yes, ladies, you're right. I'm sorry". It was....."she could......but if so, there could very well be a 'for sale' sign on the front lawn tomorrow." in a clearly less-than-amused tone.
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, they let it drop. Today, I apologized to Marta via text and she responded that in all honesty, I wasn't being 'bitchy' but BUSY, so she seemed to understand my frustration better than Rosa did.
You could say I am not very receptive to DD right now.
You and I do seem to be in very different places right now where DD is concerned. We too went to a barbecue yesterday, and I too got annoyed. I had been traveling all week, was tired and in one of my very introverted modes. My wife, who is an extrovert, had had a few drinks and got very chatty. Which would have been fine had she been directing it at others, but it kept coming out in the form of asking one question after another after another about my trip and anything else that popped into her mind, while I really just wanted to unwind and hang out. I finally snapped with something like "Is there anything else you're curious about regarding a two-day business trip? Maybe the name of my Uber driver on the way to the airport or the color of his car?" Where my reaction to the moodiness differs is I kind of wish she had ordered a spanking for it, because it was disrespectful, it wasn't called for (even if she was being pretty annoying) and being disrespectful is one of the things we agreed she would take care of.
DeleteWe are in the process of selling our house, and looking to retire in a different state. We were at a female realtor office, which we had just met, and we were describing what we were looking for in a property, I interrupted my wife from speaking, and she said to stop interrupting her, or she will take care of it right now in front of Julie. The realtor was surprised as I was, and kind of made a joke, about going ahead if she needed to take care of things. that she wouldn't mind. I didn't talk much after that, but the thought of being spanked in front of a stranger is an exciting fantasy.
ReplyDeleteJohn
That was certainly an open display of authority. Thanks, John.
DeleteInteresting comment, John! When your wife said she would "take care of it", did the realtor know that she was talking about spanking you?
ReplyDeleterichard
Richard,
DeleteHappy Memorial Day everyone. From her smile I got the idea she knew what my wife was talking about, or she just liked the way my wife handled me. After that point Julie (realtor) spoke to my wife directly, almost leaving me out of the conversation. I complained about this when we got back to the hotel (cabin), but my wife gave me the spanking she had threatening to give in front of Julie. She said next time I interrupt her, she is going to spank me on the spot. Something to think about!
John
Whether the realtor got the spanking reference or not ( think she did) she sure got who was in charge and that's the point
DeleteAlan
Dan
ReplyDeleteYour comment about going off on a few workers further up the chain, reminds me of one of the turning points with Peter. He had run off his mouth at the owner of the company. What made that matter worse
it was in front of several co workers. One of his co workers called me and told me the boss was getting tired of Peter's attitude. Peter felt like you didnt want to do it. This is how I solved the problem. I called his boss asked for an appointment during working hours. Once there I told the boss Peter wanted to apologize and I was there to make sure he did. His boss was shocked and amused. He called Peter in who was shocked to see me sitting there. When he came in I smiled and said I wanted to see him apologize to his boss in person.
That I felt Peter was putting our family in peril. He was furious with me but he did it. At home that nite I told him if he didnt toe the line, I was leaving him.
That is when we seriously began changes. It didnt happen over night but knew he needed a big shock.
Peter's ego is not greater then the welfare of the family. Trust me it works. You will be happier man!
anna
Hi Anna. I'm glad that worked with Peter. In my case, the situation is a little more complicated in terms of the pecking order, and some of the people involved in the exchange would say I was write on the principle, but my delivery was a bit stronger than it should have been. Thus, an apology would be along the lines of, "Even though I was right and you deserved what I said, I apologize for the way I said it." Though, of course, at least that may be something I should do. Though the people on the receiving end really did deserve it.
DeleteA wife interfering to that level in her husband's job and career is way out of line in my view.
DeleteWife contacting his boss about a work issue...Wow!
Had Anna not pushed like she did, I would have been without a job. I had gone way overboard and it had not been the first time. I had been warned, more then a few times.
DeletePeter
I'm glad it worked for you !
DeleteI agree it seems out of bounds but its a very slippery slope when you give her the authority to make disciplinary decisions. I can't criticize Anna for doing what she was given the authority to do even though I would NOT like it.My previous girl friend several times threatened to come to my place of business to spank me. She never did it but I expect it would have happened if she had actually decided to do it. Its really not an issue with my wife and so business and discipline doesn't come up.
DeleteAlan
To me, context is everything. At my present gig, my wife knows many of my colleagues, but not our senior leadership, and what she knows about the office dynamics is mostly through me. In that context, contacting someone to talk about my career probably would cross a major line for me, because she could unwittingly cause a lot of damage just by virtue of not knowing the situation very well. Earlier in my career, however, I worked at a place that was small and tighter, where we really knew and cared for each other and the extended families were known to most of us. In that context, had she approached one of my bosses about my behavior it probably would have been dealt with appropriately by all concerned and could have actually been a help, as it sounds like it was in Anna and Peter's case.
DeleteMy wife has become quite skilled with her comments and threats so I find myself being more careful about what I say and do , especially when we have company.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very effective technique , and both of us find it to be quite a turn on .
She has never gone as far as to use the 'S' word in public as your wife did ,but she does come awfully close sometimes.
A 'new one' she pulled on me recently after I had been a bit disrespectful to her, was to have me address her as Ma'am- for the entire day!
Let me tell you it was both difficult and humbling for me but she loved it .
At the Grocery store I had to say things like "Are these steaks ok Ma'am?"
There were lots of "Yes Ma'ams" and "No Ma'ams" ...including a couple at the check out but luckily the cashier didn't seem to notice.
We had lunch in a busy restaurant and found I had to refer to her as Ma'am more times that I expected. She would make a point of correcting me when I forgot a "Ma'am" a few times.
That evening , some friends invited us over for supper but thankfully she agreed to postpone the Ma'am rule while we were there.
Interestingly, I found myself instinctively dropping the odd "Yes Ma'am" or "No Ma'am" anyway.
She found that kind of cute.
Hi Glen. I call mine "Ma'am" a lot, but only in response to orders and during DD sessions. I can see how it would be quite humbling to have to do it in public. Though there are some areas of the country where it is used so prevalently that others might not even notice.
DeleteThat's true and explains why some people did not seem to notice...the effectiveness is that my wife and I knew what it meant and that it left her clearly in charge for the day.
DeleteShe enjoyed it enough that I expect she might do it again and is likely plotting how she can make it even more effective!
This is so interesting! I think that public openness in an FLR is kind of the final frontier. I've seen more kink in the open than vanilla female leadership. There is a LOT of reticence to share the personal home dynamic with the world.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if i can ask a question of everyone here in an FLR. Do you have a pledge or valediction? An oath you give to her? If so, I would assume that would be very private. Is there a shorthand you use when in public? It cannot be easy to have her enforce discipline in a public setting.
Thanks and another great blog post!
Hi Key
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you mean by "valediction" or oath in this context. But I can say both women who have disciplined me as an adult have had few challenges in maintaining discipline in a public setting. My wife makes regular use of "preventive" spanking before some social functions and any naughty boy will tell you that several hours of a sore bottom almost guarantees good behavior.Beyond that both women have used eye contact to remind me of trouble ahead and both were very good at laying a hand casually on my trousers communicating to me the next thing I feel on my bottom is a brush or paddle if I don't get it together. Maybe the most effective of all is the subtle whispering in my ear that I am "very close" or that I actually will be spanked at home. The threats work very well and my wife will sometimes say before we go out that she is in the mood to "warm your( my) tush" and she hopes I give her a reason to do so. I think once consistent spanking is established in a relationship a girlfriend or wife often doesn't need to actually administer to get the job done. Control in public just becomes an extension of the control established in private
Alan
I was thinking that I would not really have anything to say about openness and even told my wife that as we read through it earlier. However, as it has been rolling around in my head I realized I really want to weigh in.
ReplyDeleteLet me start by saying that as far as I know, nobody knows anything about the DD or FLR aspects of our relationship and everything I am writing about this is probably hypothetical, since it seems unlikely that anyone will ever be told. BTW, I totally “find those outward expressions of control and confidence incredibly sexy.” I simply can't agree enough with this statement...
Now with regard to people knowing, in would greatly depend on what we are talking about them knowing. I really wouldn't care if anyone knew that my wife holds me accountable, or probably even that she makes rules and sets expectations. Everyone who knows my wife already knows she is a very strong person, and they probably recognize we are at least equals, which is quite unusual in the strongly patriarchal country in which we live. I don't think people think she “wears the pants” necessarily, but rather probably attribute our different relationship dynamic to me being American. However, if they did determine that she wears the pants, I really wouldn't view that as being too big of a deal.
I have mixed feelings when it comes to people knowing about punishment, spanking, etc. I expect that the source of the dilemma is that while it is very real for us, it is also very sexual.
On the one hand, I think that having a very small number of people know (like if she told a trusted friend or family member) it could be a good thing overall; I tend to be pretty egotistical and it wouldn't hurt me to be knocked down a peg or two, which it definitely would, knowing that someone knew this about us.
However, my major objection to this is that DD is an incredibly intimate thing for us. It brings us closer than most people can even imagine. Consequently, I would be very reluctant to tell anyone about it, even if I knew they might be fine with hearing about it, because I love the fact that this is our naughty little secret that is shared only between us.
However, one thing that I am very sure of is that my reluctance to have others know about it is not rooted in fear of seeming less “manly.”
Most people never really change much in life, and many men aren't very good at dealing with issues in a positive way. Normally, we men think more highly of ourselves than we should, we gloss over our shortcomings, we communicate poorly, we bottle everything up, and at times we become over-agressive when we blow up from the frustrations that we have not dealt with and not communicated.
On the other hand, in our relationship, I openly acknowledge my flaws, weaknesses, bad habits, and failures, and recognize the impact these have on those around me. Together my wife and I work to make me a better man, CEO, husband, and father. Yes, she temporarily reduces me to a little boy in the process, but ironically, I think willingly submitting to her discipline is the most manly thing I could ever do, because it helps me to “own” my behavior and to become the best man I can be.
-ZM
Hi ZM. Thanks as always for these thoughtful contributions. It's interesting that your reluctance to have others know is related to DD being sexual and intimate, but not about fear of being seen as "unmanly." With me, it is really the opposite. I think if it was just spanking and all about sex and eroticism, I wouldn't have a big issue with people knowing about it. I'm not that worried about anyone knowing I have my kinks. But, I do have a visceral reluctance to people knowing I am spanked specifically for discipline, i.e. because someone is exercising authority over me. Theoretically, I agree with you that initiating this DD lifestyle makes me MORE manly, but deep down inside it is that aspect that makes me queasy about others knowing.
DeleteHi Dan,
DeleteAs I said, everything is hypothetical at this point, and will most likely remain that way. Unless or until I do find out that somebody knows, I can't be exactly sure how I would feel about it.
I am pretty sure that if someone heard that you are spanked "specifically for discipline by someone exercising authority over you," they would think "oh yeah, just like she was on 50 shades" and they would attribute the whole thing to a kinky game.
And for me, I don't care so much about people knowing about the control element, but don't want people to know about my private sexual activities. But again due to 50 Shades, probably many people wouldn't think it is all that strange even if they did hear about it.
For better or worse, 50 shades has brought mainstream acceptance to what was once taboo, which makes the whole topic of dominance much more approachable, but at the same time, it has painted such a one-dimensional picture that it has probably created huge new barriers for understanding real DD or FLR relationships.
-ZM
Hi ZM,
DeleteIt is interesting how similar people with similar attitudes and motivations can still be triggered by different things. I really don't have a problem with other people knowing about my private sexual activities. Yet, the thought of others--other men in particular--knowing about the control element, makes me very squeamish. For you, it's the opposite. It's all very complicated, isn't it?
As I've said before, I have really mixed feelings about the 50 Shades phenomenon. It's hard for me to believe it triggered some kind of kink interest that wasn't there already, but I do give it credit for at least making public acknowledgement of kink more acceptable. What I have a harder time with is that while the spanking and kinky acts are treated relatively positively (but only fairly harmless, non-disciplinary spankings), the books really reject the whole premise of a real, healthy power exchange. The whole thing revolves around her signing up for such an exchange, then rejecting it, then her "taming" him and "healing" him and making him more vanilla. While it's relatively kink-positive, that's true only within some very non-threatening norms. His less "normal" kinks are attributed to childhood abuse, which his vanilla partner then steps in and cures him of. I would argue that while the books and movies depict a fair amount of kink, there is very little if any real power exchange going on.
Hi Dan - My husband has introduced me to your blog. We have been in a FLR/Femdom relationship for about 4 years now, though we have been married for well over 20. I know I am still learning about all of this, though I find it very appealing from the female point of view. Last week my husband and I were shopping and I had him carry my purse. I was surprised at how delighted he was to do so - he even seemed rather proud. For my own part I was proud of him for his willingness to carry my purse, and I must admit I was also a bit proud of myself -- people who noticed him (us) knew that I was the one in charge. Not sure how much further we will go with this, but it was quite pleasant to show my dominance to others in this one instance.
ReplyDeleteDiane
Hi Diane. Thanks for contributing. I think it's great that you felt proud about being in charge!
DeleteHi Diane,
DeleteThis was a great example of a thing to display dominance! I like that it was noticeable to people, but at the same time is subtle enough that it can be explained away. In other words, people can read what they want into it.
Had it been me carrying my wife's purse, I would have felt very self-conscious the whole time, so even if nobody else thought all that much about it, it would certainly make a strong impression on me.
I don't know if we will ever be able to be super open about our lifestyle, but still there are several little things that she does that at least show me her dominance. If she puts on her camouflage t-shirt, for example, I know that a disciplinary spanking is coming. If we went out in public that way, nobody else would even notice, but you can be sure it would be front and center in my thoughts!
-ZM
I've carried her shopping bags - but never her purse.....I doubt if she would trust me with it !
DeleteBy now you know that I have a "weakness" for a mackintoshed lady. My partner knew this and I had to admit her that when she wore her rubberised black satin mack I immediately felt submissive to her.
ReplyDeleteKnowing this, one memorable occasion when she publicly showed her authority was as follows. We were gong shopping. she in her mack, when she said she wanted to visit the saddlery shop on the way. She went in leaving me in the car, and when she emerged she was carrying a new black leather riding crop.
Parking the car at the shopping centre car park, I quite thought she would leave the crop in the car, but no, she insisted on carrying it,and when we went in for a coffee she very deliberately placed it on the table. I was overcome with a mixture of excitement and embarrassment - especially when the waitress chose to admire my partner's new whip. Just one example of her subtle dominance in public.
I find the tension between the desire for my wife to be more openly dominant and the fear that she might really embarrass me to be powerfully erotic. I think it is probably clear to family and friends that my wife is the dominant partner in our marriage because her manner is subtly authoritative all the time. One not so subtle clue is that she is content to let me do all the work, wearing an apron, when we have guests over for dinner. She will also give me taps on the bum to remind me who is the boss in semi-public settings, when she thinks nobody is looking but there is a risk that someone might see. She once jokingly threatened to spank me in front of another couple who are close friends, but it was done in a way that could be taken as a joke. I think one has to be careful about fully revealing the extent of the wife's disciplinary authority to other people. The idea of the embarrassment of being outed as a spanked husband is arousing, but the people involved may see it as "too much information". It is after all an aspect of a couple's sex life. I believe there is a rule in the BDSM community that you shouldn't "involve unwilling participants in your scene." I think that is a good rule to keep in mind.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the idea that you shouldn't involve unwilling participants in your scene but I think it can be a matter of degree also. As long as there are no overt displays that could be expected to make others uncomfortable, it can be very exciting, and at the same time challenging, from the point of view of the man in a FLR, to have a hint of that fact exposed in a public setting. The other day, my girlfriend and I were having lunch at a casual but fairly nice restaurant. Our server was a young woman who seemed like the confident type, and not a shrinking violet. My girlfriend decided she was going to do all the food and drink ordering for both of us. After the server took my companion's order, she looked over at me and asked for my order. The response came immediately from my female dining companion, "He will be having.....etc. followed by etc." The server did a quick doubletake, seemed to pick up a vibe and began addressing my girlfriend only and giving her side options and cooking options for my meal. "How would YOU like that prepared?" and "What sides will HE be having?" It was both exciting and embarrassing....I'm sure my face was a bit red as I stared straight ahead, and I'm quite sure I detected a smirk on the server's face as she left the table.
DeleteI agree it is a good policy to keep in mind that others may not want to be involuntarily exposed to the details of other people's kink.
DeleteStrap51, I agree with you that public displays of dominance that are not overtly sexual can be exciting without making people uncomfortable. Your story about your girlfriend ordering for you is wonderful. There is nothing overly kinky or sexual about your girlfriend ordering for you, but it demonstrated to the waitress that your girlfriend has you firmly under her thumb. Had your girlfriend made the waitress a witness to a threat to spank you, that would have been going too far because there’s no non-kinky interpretation of such a threat. As it was, the waitress probably surmised that she was being shown the tip of a kinky iceberg. Her smirk as she discussed meal options for you with your girlfriend and you sat in embarrassed silence hints at the nature of her speculations. She probably guessed that a woman who demonstrates her dominance so publicly has disciplinary authority over you too. But she was free to follow that line of speculation or not. All she actually saw was your girlfriend ordering for you, and you looking embarrassed.
DeleteExcellent observations Anon. We certainly didn't feel like we crossed any boundaries. The smirk may have been my imagination...or not. I can tell you that it was humbling. Thank you.
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