Club Meeting 249 - Talking Your Way Out

"You can't talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into." - Stephen Covey

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couples Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.  I hope you had a great week.

Mine was more than a little stressful.  Of my own making, both good and bad.  I ended last week with some good news about a work opportunity I had been pursuing for about a month. It was something I thought was a major longshot, and I decided to give it a try without having any real sense that I might actually get it.  (Sounds a lot like how we ended up with Trump as President, no?)  Even though I began the effort as a lark, I did take it seriously as the process went along, hustling and pushing and trying.  Somehow I pulled it off, though over the course of the process it became abundantly clear that the role involves trying to fix a totally fucked up and dysfunctional organization.  My week was spent trying to get my bearings, in a situation in which it is pretty clear that some people not only aren't happy to have me on board, they almost certainly will try to undermine everything I'd like to accomplish.  Not because they don't like me, but because they don't agree with the direction I'd like to set.

So, the issue of undermining others who are trying to do the right thing was already on my mind this week in the work context.  Yesterday, it became an issue in the Domestic Discipline context as well.  It really had been a rough week, and my wife was well aware that I was starting to go into my dysfunctional spiral of trying to control the storm around me then doing self-destructive things to cope.  I also had not gotten a lot of sleep over the week and was rolling into Friday very exhausted.  As I was leaving for work, she told me "By the way, you are grounded from drinking today."

Now, the problem was, my team had scheduled a happy hour to welcome a new member, and as team leader it was something I really couldn't get out of.  I explained that to her.  She was clearly aggravated, but ultimately backed away from her initial order, telling me to be sure to moderate my alcohol consumption.

Now, when you look at the situation closely, there really was no conflict between her order and my previous work commitment.  She didn't order me not to go to happy hour.  She ordered me not to drink.  So, I could have gone to the happy hour and had non-alcoholic beverages.  But, instead, I talked her out of the order she gave me.  And, I've caught myself doing that more often lately, probably because she has been stepping up the quantity and forcefulness of her orders, creating both more opportunities to resist and more internal inclinations to do so.  As I've said, I am NOT naturally submissive.  I don't like rules, but I know in my head that I need them.  But, while the head is willing, the gut resists.  It's a pattern I need to stop, because it isn't doing me any good and is frustrating a lot of what we are trying to accomplish with DD.

This all relates to some of the discussion last week, including the comments by ZM, Tomy and Jr.  ZM and Tomy both talked about the role their Disciplinary Wives play or played in helping them perform better in their daily lives, by setting goals and being strict in holding them accountable.  I talk to my wife about doing that, but it's my own "But, Honey . . ." moments that get in the way of those efforts. And, unfortunately, so far she hasn't developed quite enough strictness to just put her foot down. 

So, we both bare some responsibility here.  She does need to get more comfortable with not only  giving an order but with actually making it stick in the face of some moderate resistance or questioning.  But, I also need to get much better at simply doing what she tells me to do, without argument or undermining.

This also came up with Jr.'s recounting of his recent woodshed experience, though in a slightly different way.  (By the way, as always, I find anything involving a woodshed incredibly hot!  So, thanks Jr. for sharing.)  There, his wife held him accountable for one of those "little things" we talked about, and when it came time to take his medicine, he tried hard to talk his way out of it, bargain, etc.  I do that too.  Just last week I was scheduled to get spanked for something, and I managed to delay it, and then delay became getting out of it entirely.  

Now, I do give Jr. and myself and the other husbands a little more slack in trying to avoid a spanking once it has been ordered.  Real disciplinary spankings hurt.  A lot.  I really, really do not want one.  So, I think it is understandable that I would at least test the waters to see if I might talk her out of it.  The problem isn't so much that I try to talk my way out of it, but that too often I succeed in doing so.  Deep down inside I know that I'm not doing myself any favors by doing that.  Ultimately, I need to "take my medicine."

I'm going to start with the premise that most of the men who visit here who are genuinely into DD and not just stroking (perhaps literally) a spanking fetish do, in fact, want to cooperate with the process.  But, sometimes it's hard.  A rule that is imposed may genuinely conflict with something we like to do or even feel we kind of need to do.  And, real disciplinary spankings are to be avoided, though better to do so by not misbehaving in the first place.  I am assuming, however, that because boys will be boys, from time to time we are going to question an order or try to get out of a punishment.  When that happens, how does she deal with it?  And, have you found any ways to stop yourself from engaging in that behavior that undermines her authority?  I'm genuinely curious on this, because I know that I am getting in the way of the process we agreed to, and I truly do want to stop doing that.  It's just hard in the moment sometimes.

I hope you have a great week.