Saturday, April 28, 2018

Vol. 248 - On Unmade Beds and Other "Small" Things


“You learn a lot more from the lows because it makes you pay attention to what you're doing.” – John Elway

Hello all.  I hope you had a great week.  I had a couple of work-related triumphs, and I wrapped up one significant project.  So, for once I go into the weekend with a sense of accomplishment and without a whole hell of a lot to do.  Which is nice.

That sense of accomplishment, and the consequences for not accomplishing things, are related to today’s topic. This is a repeat, but it’s been a couple of years since the last post about it.

When we first began our DD relationship, our focus was on reducing “big ticket” bad behavior.  Like drinking too much or too often.  Disrespect.  Temper tantrums.  Although our general rule was, from the beginning, that she could spank any time for any reason, in reality the focus was almost always on those bigger behavioral issues.  As she gets more assertive, that is changing.  The example that always sticks with me for some reason is a problem I had with not completing one of my daily chores, i.e. cleaning up the kitchen after dinner.  One afternoon, she texted me a picture of some pans I had left on a stove, having failed to clean up completely after dinner the night before.  She voiced her displeasure.  A few days later, she texted me a picture of rice left in a rice-cooker that I had forgotten to clean several nights before.  This time, the picture was accompanied by a terse statement that I would be spanked.  And, she carried through on the threat that night, giving me a very thorough butt blistering.


 It seemed like a small incident in some ways, but it really impacted me in a much deeper way. It was the first time that she had really taken me to task not for something related to some larger failure in personal discipline, but for something that simply displeased her or failed to live up to her standards. While minor in the scheme of things, it seemed like a fundamental turning point in our relationship, and a huge advance in her growth as a Female Leader.

Another example.  I stayed up late watching a movie one night and did some late night snacking.  I got up the next morning and left to run some errands.  While I was out, I got a very angry text:

"You left the refrigerator door open last night!  Everything in it is spoiled!"

I replied with a heartfelt, "I'm sorry."

"Not nearly as sorry as you’re going to be!" was her response. And, once again, she carried out her threat, leaving me sore for several days.  Now, this one was not really a failure to do a chore or some task, but it was a very stern warning to pay attention or there would be consequences. 


Last week, it happened again.  For whatever reason, I was in a very absent-minded space and had been screwing up little things left and right.  At one point over the weekend, she told me to take out a bag of trash.  I responded with the usual “yes Ma’am,” then totally forgot about it and left the house to run errands.  While I was out she texted me a picture of the trash bag and a curt message: “When you get home, you are getting spanked.  I can’t believe I told you to take the trash out and you totally ignored me. Maybe this reminder will help you pay attention.”


I have always been a “big picture” kind of guy.  I’m not very detail oriented.  In fact, little nitpicky details tend to annoy me.  But, what I dismiss as being “down in the weeds,” others might describe as simply a lack of discipline on my part.  Navy Seal William H. McCraven, commander of the forces that led the raid to kill Osama bin Laden, gave a commencement speech in which he talked about how making beds to perfection is a big deal in the military.  It really has nothing to do with the bed itself, but about how you approach your day.  He advised, “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. If you make your bed every morning, you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride, and it will encourage you to do another task, and another, and another. And by the end of the day that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed.”  He went on to observe, “If you can’t do the little things right, then you will never do the big things right.”

He makes a great point. And, while I don’t like them at the time, it’s clear that these “small things” spankings have a real impact on me.  No pun intended.  First, it is a really concrete expression of her growing control and assertiveness, which is powerful and sexy as all hell.  Second, the “big ticket” behavior issues are stubborn and hard to deal with.  Smaller things, like cleaning up and doing assigned chores, are things I can actually fix and do better at.  Third, I do think that paying attention to the small stuff probably does result in generally better performance in other areas.

So, how about you?  Are you spanked for simple screw-ups, like forgetting to do a household chore, or because of some lack of attention or diligence? If not, do think that is something she should do?

59 comments:

  1. Dan
    I think you have seen the light. Although, of course, we care about the big things like drinking etc, but it is the daily little messes that Peter leaves behind that made me feel like a nag. Things like leaving a glass of stale beer next to his chair, forgetting to turn on the dish washer after he so proudly announced to me the dishes are in the washer. I could go on forever but it is sort of like leaving the toilet seat down. You give up and giving up becomes resentment.
    Once its tied to little things its amazing how hard i can wield a paddle, belt or cane.!]
    Love you always for this work you do here weekly. Dont stop!
    anna

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    1. Do you use the cane for small things like that, Anna? I have only been caned once and it was not a very severe caning (four on the seat of my underpants) but it really hurt.
      richard.

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    2. Hi Anna. Great point that when you give up, it usually turns into resentment. Though, I admit, I have never understood this thing women have about the toilet seat. :-)

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    3. Of course you dont Dan!

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  2. I'm glad you two seem to have a system in place that allows her to instruct you on her way without leaving her feeling like she is nagging. If it happens to be sexy for you when she has that power, well, positive reinforcement works!

    I'm new to the blog but I'm enjoying it!

    Key

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  3. Almost all of our spankings are for little things. Take this past two weeks. I had left my socks next to my chair in the living room three nights in a row. Unfortunately Ann let them go until the third. Because our son is still with us I got one spanking each night for two days and the third had to wait until a few days later. The last was on Tuesday. My behind is still sore. And make no mistake, Ann has learned to spank hard. The first left me with a bruised behind - and she was just as tough for the remaining two.
    Yesterday I asked her how I did picking up my stuff in the living room. She said , "Great. But I had to bring down your wine glass from our room." I found a shot glass I left in our room this morning and confessed. Ann said, "Well, confession may be good for the soul, but I'm going to blister your bottom!" For little things I will be spanked twice again this week.

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    1. "Well, confession may be good for the soul, but I'm going to blister your bottom!" Well said!

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  4. Yes. I get paddled frequently for my grammar. Anytime I use the word " ain't " it's pretty much automatic. I showed her in the dictionary that it's a legal word but she hates it and that's all there is to it. Even if she hears me talking to someone else she brings her brush out. It ain't fair I tellya.

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    1. I would be spanked constantly if that rule applied. I use "ain't" for emphasis. It's just such a stronger word than "isn't."

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  5. Dan I noticed a few things in this post. Like items being left out for several days? In most homes that are DD leaving a chore just one day would have them bent over bare bottom. You are way too forgetful. In our home Robyn has the right to spank for any reason, even if it's just because she feels like spanking me.
    archedone

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    1. Is there a difference in severity between the spankings she gives you just because she feels like it and those she gives you when she is punishing you for something?
      richard.

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    2. While I think it's probably a stretch to say that in "most homes" that are into DD sloppy chores would result in a spanking, I don't quibble at all with the statement that I am too forgetful.

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  6. Hi Dan,
    Another great topic, and the captioned pictures supported it perfectly! I check the forum daily for comments, and my wife and I often read the weekly topic together, which leads to great insights.

    I didn't write last week because although we have weekly "check-ins" related to my work productivity, and while that is reliant upon me accurately self-reporting, my wife doesn't really want me to tell her when I have done (or not done) something that may deserve discipline. Her attitude is that if she didn't see it, then I dodged the bullet, which seems pretty genuine; I can't think of a single time in high school that someone spontaneously went to the principal's office and admitted to breaking a rule, nor have I have ever heard of someone turning themselves in for speeding. However, if my wife asks me anything then she expects, deserves, and gets total honesty.

    Anyway, punishment for small things is much more interesting for both of us, especially since right now we are not only doing weekly check-ins for work, but it is also SUPPOSED to be a kind of "boot camp" of sorts, where she would have super high expectations and would punish for the smallest infraction, all with the idea of increasing self-discipline. Your Navy example with the bed was spot on. If you take care of the little things, the big things will tend to take care of themselves.

    Also, as you pointed out, punishment for small items is much more for the disciplinarian's benefit. It is not to address any big character flaws of mine (which then is really all about me), but rather it is just an antidote to irritation and a really fast and clear way for her to express herself, without resorting to nagging, as Anna said.

    Strangely however, while she has made the work check-ins (and punishments) happen with startling regularity, the "boot camp" thing has completely fallen through the cracks, even though she is totally in favor of it.

    As we were talking, one hindrance to punishment for “small” things became evident. I have read in a number of places, “A real spanking doesn't truly begin until the recipient is desperate for it to end.”Any real punishment requires that we be taken past our limits of what we can easily endure and pushed into the “I can't handle this” zone, so either to tears or at least to the point when many people would cry. But often our wives' sense of “fairness” can be an obstacle to this, as Alan said last week. These are small infractions, and in most cases a spanking of sufficient severity to be a punishment seems to be excessive for the individual infraction. However, these seemingly “little” things actually are very hugely important when put together.

    As a result of this conversation, my wife is going to start to really play the “drill sergeant” at least for the coming months and is going to start to punish for small things as well as large. We will see how that goes...!

    -ZM

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    1. Hi ZM. I am curious about some of the work-related discipline you are exploring. You say, "Anyway, punishment for small things is much more interesting for both of us, especially since right now we are not only doing weekly check-ins for work, but it is also SUPPOSED to be a kind of "boot camp" of sorts, where she would have super high expectations and would punish for the smallest infraction, all with the idea of increasing self-discipline.
      Strangely however, while she has made the work check-ins (and punishments) happen with startling regularity, the "boot camp" thing has completely fallen through the cracks, even though she is totally in favor of it."

      Can you explain that a little bit more? What was your plan for these "boot camps" and what do you cover with the "work" check-ins? I ask this because of my own current work challenges.

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    2. As I have mentioned previously, we live in a developing country and I have been trying for multiple years to make a technology business fly here, with very limited results since it is an almost impossible task. The past couple of years has been particularly difficult.

      The situation may not literally be “do or die,” but at the very least it is “do it or watch everything you have been working for all these years go up in smoke.” At the very time that I needed to rise up and deliver, I instead found myself completely unproductive, paralyzed by accumulated depression and discouragement. To make matters worse, it makes more sense economically to be working out of my home office rather than elsewhere, so that makes it even harder to get anything done.

      Out of desperation, I asked my wife to help and she readily agreed. We already had a DD relationship, but this was the first time that we have done anything structured in any way.

      Every evening, she asks me about my day, and gives me either a plus, a plus with a comment (so good, but not quite up to expectations), or a minus. Then, once a week, we have a check-in, and she goes through the week. If everything is good, like all pluses, then I get only a light maintenance spanking. If there are any days with comments, or even worse minuses, then those result in more punishment. If there were numerous minuses, it wouldn't be good to be me...

      At the same time as we set this up, we discussed that my lack of productivity is only a symptom of the core problem, my lack of self-discipline. But how do you learn self-discipline? Well, the military seems to have a pretty good way of teaching it in boot camp. Undisciplined teenagers go in, disciplined young adults come out (in many cases at least).

      To address my lack of self-discipline, we agreed that for a period of some months she would significantly raise her expectations for me (perhaps to almost impossible levels), and would deal with any and every shortcoming, much in the way the military does in boot camp. In short, she would force me to pay attention to every detail and would punish any lapses, like unmade beds and small things!

      In practice, while she has made sure the check-ins happen, no matter how crazy life gets, the whole boot camp thing has fallen by the wayside. Perhaps this weeks theme will result in it being resurrected. Only time will tell. Either way, I will keep you posted.

      -ZM

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  7. This was the second time in only a few days that the phrase "making the bed" has come up.

    A long time submissive acquaintance sends me emails on a regular basis asking about various activities that take place. This week, it was household chores.

    "Who makes the bed every day?" he sskas. My answer was that I make it only after changing the bedding. I know it sounds lazy, but consider that Shilo comes home from work in the morning before I get up, and joins me in bed. Then hesh in bed asleep all day, then I will sometimes lay down for a nap just before he gets up for work. Why waste time making a bed that is occupied an average of 18+ hours a day?

    Then there's my streak of perfectionism: I wouldn't allow anyone else to make it besides me anyway.

    I will say that it's when the small things are neglected that frustrate me the most. Forgetting to turn on the dishwasher or putting the dishes away. Not putting water in Donna's bowl, not taking out the overflowing trash...and on weekends, forgetting to turn off the coffeemaker.

    I hate repeating myself and sounding like a nag. Then I remember how fortunate I am to have Shilo and Stitch, and how nice it is that they don't go out with the guys after work, but choose to come straight home. They don't party or go out drinking.

    It's those times that I realize in spite of the occasional shortcomings, they're better than most.

    It's a rare occasion that I pull out one of the canes or paddles over those things.

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    1. Although I brought up the bed example, ironically ours goes unmade more often than not. Part of the problem is we have an old cat who generally is laying on the bed while I'm getting ready for work, so I let her sleep.

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  8. At our house ,it is my wife who is the one committing 'small" offences , many of which irk me as I like things to be tidy and in their place.
    She will think nothing of leaving her coat on a chair instead of hanging it up and leaving her clothes all over the place.
    She has had a few spankings for this but they did not change anything as these are just part of her behaviour and no amount of spanking or discipline will change her.
    I think women are more stubborn about changing their ways than men are.
    Minor offences are pretty rare for me and will only result in consequences if they are related to some sort of laziness or disobedience.
    For example, we had quite a wet summer last year and she would always be reminding me not to leave cushions , etc outside.
    There were a few occasions when I forgot and when she went outside the next morning to enjoy her coffee to find wet cushions....we'll let's say I wasn't interested in sitting on any cushions for the rest of the morning!

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    1. Hi Glen. We have some of that dynamic as well. My wife is not a "there is a place for everything and everything in its place" kind of person. In fact, she kind of likes clutter. I keep hoping that leading on some things related to orderliness may actually rub off on her.

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  9. In our marriage of over 34 years, my wife and I are opposite of most of the people who have responded. I pay the bills on time and make sure there is enough money to not bounce any payments, although we do talk about the bills together. She said she was going to pay the bills once and almost missed some payments, so I took it back over. I take out the garbage and recycling, load and empty the dishwasher, make sure the Jeeps get regular oil changes, keep the bird feeders full, etc. However, she makes great food that is always nutritious and delicious and does a lot around the house as well. Has it been easy getting to this level of what we do? No as we were both born in August so headstrong is about right. But she does spank me at least once a week, whether I need it or not and sometimes she lets me spank her, but it is always in fun, not for punishment.

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    1. Hi Baxter. Your comment and Glen's were similar, and we have some of the same dynamic in our relationship.

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  10. “If you take care of the small things,
    the big things take care of themselves.
    You can gain more control over your life by
    paying closer attention to the little things.”
    ~ Emily Dickinson, 1830 – 1886

    It figures a woman would be the one to say something like this, because I doubt the idea would occur to most men (or at least guys like me) who tend to focus on the big things and ignore the small ones......but it is a philosophy with proven merit.

    As an ex-manager, I can attest to the efficacy of this approach .....even as the basis of it irks me on a visceral level. So I used to use it even as I tended to not like it.

    And on a more personal note: We have a 'make the bed' rule and I can say honestly that because of that rule the bed ends up made whereas, without that rule, I know I would rarely do it and focus instead on all sorts of other projects which by comparison would be much larger in scale.

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    1. "even as the basis of it irks me on a visceral level." Totally get it. I am notorious at work for chastising anything I see as a "bean counting" culture or too nit-picky, in favor of my preferred "get the big things right" approach. But, I realize--and realized as a wrote this post--that at home I do see the value in her holding me accountable for the little things.

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  11. I wish..but we have limited punishables, excessive drunkedness, unauthorised personal spending (this is easy to avoid since I was put on a weekly cash allowence) and a very small thing I am yet to fall foul of, buying bags for life at the supermarket ( I used to buy them every trip instead of reusing ones bought). If I had my way I would be pulled up for growling at the kids, swearing and finger biting and would expect to be pulled up about once a week. Cheers Good Life Mickey

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  12. I think it would be good if my wife spanked me for small things as DWC Fred describes. I too frequently fail to listen to what my wife asks me to do, and it does not get done. For instance tonight, my wife asked me to bring upstairs the pile of dried linens sitting atop the dryer when I come upstairs. I had my mind occupied on something else and failed to pay attention to her request. That is not a valid excuse, and a good hard spanking would soon bring this kind of inconsiderate behavior to an end. I would not enjoy it, but I really do want to please my wife when she asks me do something small like this. So, at some level, I would welcome being spanked for not listening to her.
    Doug

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    1. I wonder--and may find out--whether I would really do any better at things like you're describing, or if at my age there are just things you're going to forget. I guess we shall see . . .

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    2. Dan, there is a subtle but important difference between forgetfulness, which gets worse with age, and not paying close attention to what my wife is asking me to do. The first becomes an excuse for the second, but a DD wife can usually tell the difference, and so should we. I have a bad habit of half listening to her. For the example I cited, it was not forgetfulness. Doug

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    3. That's true -- forgetfulness and not paying attention shouldn't be conflated.

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  13. I do get spanked or whipped for what I would regard as "small things" - but J. (and N. before her) had a different view of those misdemeanors, and all I can/could do is/was to bare my derrière, bend over, and take it as "needed"
    L.

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    1. It's a good point that we see as "small" may not seem so to the person on the other end of the whip.

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    2. Exactly! What L. may view as "inconsequential" is not necessarily the way I see it - and I always make sure he understands it by making sure that "the punishment fits the crime"!... A stern dose of the whip, the strap, the cane or the crop is needed to make the point!
      J.

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  14. It's been exactly on month, one freaking awful month, since Aunt Kay left my waking, physical life. I am doing my best to keep things going but my motivation is very low.

    I realize that some of it is simply due to her passing. But the absence of disciplinary consequences is a major factor as well. It's like trying to drive a car with only three wheels. Not sure how this movie ends.

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    1. First, my sympathies for the place you are in and your grief. I know it's really hard to stay in that place of emotional darkness, but it's a reflection of the strength of what you felt for her. The grief is a testament to who she was and, as dark as it is, those feelings should be honored, because they come from the depth of the relationship.

      Do you think that disciplinary consequences would be helpful this close to her passing? If so, is there any of the old DWC circle you could approach?

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    2. Tommy, my deepest sympathies to you. May time turn your pain and anguish into pleasant and wonderful memories of your years together.

      Perhaps understanding all the god Aunt Kay did for other couples such as my wife and I will also help to ease your pain.

      My wife and I (44 years) now enjoy a robust DWC lifestyle thank to Aunt Kay and he tremendous website and her writings. We benefited greatly from her down to earth approach and were able to have an adult and loving conversation about this wonderful lifestyle.

      Prior to discovering Aunt Kay and her work we were at Polar opposites regarding the topic. It was (as It turns out) a vital part of my personality and who I. She could not understand it and really wanted no part of it.

      Aunt Kay allowed us to have Adult souls searching conversations about the subject and more importantly it allowed us to research the topic more deeply and discover what was right for each of us and to open up to each other honestly and not be afraid to explain what worked and what didn't for each of us.

      We will always be indebted to Aunt Kay for saving our stagnant and ho hum marriage and making it vibrant and meaningful.

      Again I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are dealing with but perhaps understanding the good Aunt Kay brought to so many other couples such as we will help you in dealing with that pain.

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  15. Thanks again Dan for you kind understanding. And you are right about honoring my feelings.

    Funny you should ask about the "old DWC circle". It was her hope, at the end, that such a thing could happen. But in reality it's been so far in the past that I don't think so. But yes, it would help.

    But discipline, while indispensable, is not the whole picture. I was also powerfully motivated to do things because they made her happy, made her life easier, or made her proud of me. And I am trying to be worthy of all the work she put into molding me. I like who she made me into.

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    1. I understand. You need to give yourself some time. I'm pretty sure she would be the first to understand if you aren't motivated to keep things going right now. You'll get back there. Try not to be hard on yourself.

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    2. We had an ongoing "joke". She said if she got me during my teen years I could have been a brain surgeon. I actually don't have the aptitude for that kind of work. But I sure as hell would have been a million times more successful in life.

      My time with her proved that in spades.

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  16. My deepest sympathies in your loss. I can't begin to imagine the heartbreak you feel.

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  17. Yes I can totally see where you come from. While I am new to FLR relationship, yet early on we laid down clear cut rules that there would be consequences for infractions and the list of things that invite punishment is kept updated separately. She just directs me to add a certain habit like not taking out the trash on time to the list. Whenever that task is not done she directs me to make an entry against that task. All these are then taken into account on maintenance days. It serves to keep a written record. For example, the trash thing once costed me 30 paddle strokes and 4 canes on a single maintenance day.... the accumulation serves a great purpose.... the samll things become big on my butt!!!

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    1. Yes, when we first started, we had a list of offenses that were, in isolation, no big deal. But, if I had a particularly bad week, it could get quite bad!

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  18. Hi Dan. Not on this weeks topic but the weather here has been very nice. Dev remembered the woodshed. Nuff said.

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    1. Even if not on topic, don't keep us hanging. Do share!

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    2. Brutal. This one caught me off guard. Nice day and I did the lawn. When I went to
      put the equipment away she was sitting there waiting for me with a long handled bath brush I've never seen before. I pleaded not to do this. I said I give or do anything to let it go. Dev said " you're getting spanked and when I'm done you'll whatever I please anyway ". Her demeanor wasn't angry but firm. She pulled me over her left thigh. She hardly ever uses this position. She locked me in with her right leg. Sweat pants came down quickly. She had a firm grip and I couldn't move. The lecture always sucks and the spanking began. I lasted two swats before becoming vocal. After a few minutes she paused so I could catch my breath. She said I created the situation and knew better so she was going to make this one to remember. Usually if I'm loud and jump around a lot she lightens up but not this time. I'm guessing 7-8 minutes later she stopped. She had to help me get up. It was a heavy brush and the pain was deep. I literally limped back to house. I looked at the damage and saw shades of purple I've never seen before. I was laying face down on the bed when she walked in and saw my bottom. All she said was I deserved every bit of it and if we go back there again it would be worse ! I rate all her sessions on a 1-10 scale of severity. This has to be a 9.5. I'm sure I couldn't take any more. It's now a day later and I'm still sore as hell. Spankings around the house are nothing to be sneezed at but the woodshed is a place to avoid at all cost.

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    3. Remind me, what was the specific offense that earned you that trip to the woodshed?

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    4. Grammar. Using the word " ain't "

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    5. At least this time there were no neighbors out and close by.

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    6. Wow. Pretty severe spanking for something "small" like grammar. She clearly ain't fooling around.

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  19. Dan, I am 71 years old and got married when I was 21 and my wife consummated the marriage with putting me over knee and giving me the first spanking of my life but certainly not the last. Over 50 years now she has worn the pants in our female led relationship and still to this day I am put over knee and spanked till the tears are flowing. I must admit I earned every one of those spankings and they worked. guess you never to old.

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  20. Hi Dan,
    For some reason, this weeks topic is just totally stuck in my head so here I am writing again. I guess maybe it is because it is all just so very domestic, which apparently resonates quite clearly for me.


    This week, as I have been thinking (pretty much non-stop) about small things, I realize just how much my lack of discipline has held me back, and I have a large and genuine hope that my wife will give my self-discipline enough of a boost that it will result in me finally achieving at least part of the success of which I am capable. Tomy noted above that if Aunt Kay had gotten to him earlier "... I sure as hell would have been a million times more successful in life." I am hoping so very much that somehow this will be true for me as well. While I don't necessary enjoy the pain of spanking, at least at the time, I enjoy even less the never-ending pain of living an undisciplined life.

    Also, I really liked what Key said a few days ago: "I'm glad you two seem to have a system in place that allows her to instruct you on her way without leaving her feeling like she is nagging. If it happens to be sexy for you when she has that power, well, positive reinforcement works!" For me, this really cuts to the chase. As I look at your most recent poll, most of the "reasons" for why I want/need this probably apply to me to at least some degree. Yes, I need accountability and crave boundaries. Yes, I want to break bad habits, change bad behaviors, and achieve better performance. But what makes this much, much different than "the 7 habits of highly effective people" or something like that is that it is just sexier than hell that my wife has this power and can wield it at will. And for her, a huge part of the allure is that she can get me to really care about the things she cares about without resorting to nagging.

    Anyway, just a great discussion this week!

    -ZM

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    1. Hi ZM. I totally understand. While we talk a lot about the "discipline" prong, for me the "domestic" aspect of domestic discipline is absolutely key to its power over me. Removed from the domestic context, I really don't care very much about spanking per se.

      I don't really know to what extent lack of personal discipline has held me back. My tendency to over indulge in alcohol is a perfect example. A friend of mine once quipped, "Every important relationship in my life was either formed or fostered over a beer." And, I could have said the same. A huge number of my most important business relationships have been formed over drinks, and it is those very events that often get me spanked. While I do think that being more disciplined probably would have helped me accomplish more in certain areas, I really don't know how it would have come out in the balance, because there is some possibility that some behavior that has made me successful would have gotten lost in the process.

      Regarding nagging, I agree again. In the early days, I thought of DD almost exclusively as a method for changing behavior. Now, I think that even if the behavior never changed at all, it still would have a value in giving her an outlet more powerful than nagging. And, yes, that is sexy as all hell.

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    2. Something that often worked for me was to involve Kay up front when I had either an important project due or realized I was in danger of frizzing out due to too many projects.

      She would go over everything I had to do and have me explain in detail what was involved. She asked questions and then worked out a plan with me. The plan was written down and the end of each day or the next morning she would review my performance to plan.

      It was remarkably effective. She was very strict. But very fair.

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  21. For me spanking is definitely domestic. I have no wish to be spanked by anyone other than my partner. When I am across her knee with my bare bottom turned up receiving the stinging slaps, I feel a strong sense of intimacy. And it is certainly a lot better than nagging!
    richard.

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  22. I find this discussion of big vs.little things fascinating because I only spank Andy for the so-called little things. In fact, our disciplinary wife relationship began because he could not remember to take out the garbage! So I let my hairbrush do the talking! And I bet many wives will agree that such "little" annoyances are the bain of a marriage. The devil is in the details, so spank that devil out of your man! For us, when it's a big thing we need to sit down and talk and work it out. To cite a previous example, if he drinks too much, he needs AA, not a spanking. Maybe this perspective is because we are a disciplinary wife couple, not full FLR. We make major decisions together. But when it comes to chores, attitude, language, punctuality--the day to day grind--I am in charge and he goes OTK pants down when he does not meet our agreed-upon standards.

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    1. Hi Helen. I think it's a great point that spanking simply may not be effective on some of the "bit ticket" behavior problems.

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