Hi all. I hope you had a good week. I kept reading that this year's flu bug was especially virulent, and now I can attest to it personally. The first few days, it hurt just to walk. Thankfully, I have a pretty well-equipped man cave in the basement. So, I spent the better part of two full work weeks hanging out on my couch with a laptop to keep up with work while binge watching on Netflix. But, it's now over -- just in time for a three-day weekend!
A few weeks ago my post was entitled Boys & Men and addressed the extent to which a disciplinary spanking takes us back to feeling like a little boy and whether there is a maternal aspect to the Domestic Discipline relationship. One commenter brought up the fact that while he had not been spanked often as a boy, his disciplinary wife had grown up in a strict, spanking home.
I'm not really sure where my own wife is on this. I think it is a factor that cuts both ways. From what she has told me, she was the "good girl" in the family and seldom was spanked herself. But, she did witness her trouble-maker siblings getting spanked regularly. I suspect this made her at least somewhat more open to using spanking for discipline on me than she might have been had she come from a non-spanking family.
On the other hand, I think the overall dynamic in her home probably made it harder to grow into the Disciplinary Wife mode. Her parents had a very 1950-ish dynamic, with her father working and doing whatever the hell he wanted outside work, while her mom stayed home and took care of the kids and had basically zero authority in the relationship. When they got into arguments she pouted and denied sex and engaged in all the typical passive-aggressive behavior that disempowered spouses may be prone to because they lack a more direct means of control. Growing up in that dynamic probably reinforced her early tendency to flounce and pout instead of taking control and using her voice. Though, she also has witnessed personally the very big downsides of that approach. So, I think the dynamic she grew up in set an example, but it was a negative one that she wants to get beyond.
It also probably has been harder to step into the role of a strong Disciplinary Wife without a strong female role model. It's one reason that I am not as averse as she is to our kids knowing about our dynamic. I actually think it would be good for them to see a strong female in charge and in control.
How about your disciplinarian? Was he or she spanked growing up? Do you think the disciplinary environment they grew up in made them more, or less, open to being a disciplinarian as an adult?
Have great week.