Saturday, August 26, 2017

The Forum - Vol. 220 - Humbling


 "Every one is worthy of love, except him who thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling." -- Oscar Wilde

Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum, our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or interested in being in, Domestic Discipline or Female Led Relationships.

I hope you had a great week.  Mine ends with me anticipating a couple of very hard spankings for some disappointingly ongoing problems.  If I can sit come Monday, it will be miraculous.  As I contemplated my fate yesterday, it was a humbling experience. Knowing that when I came home, I was totally at her mercy.  She might order me up to the bedroom immediately, tell me to strip, then paddle my ass raw.  Or, she might keep me on pins and needles through dinner and beyond.  She did the latter, then went to bed without spanking me at all.  She told me that she knew I had a hard day yesterday, so she decided to let me off the hook for a day or two.  But, it is coming.

For me, there is something powerfully humbling about waiting for a spanking I know is coming. I instantly start behaving better, being more considerate, more polite.  In short, I become the kind of husband she wants me to be all the time.  Being that kinder, more considerate person all the time should be easy, but it's not.  Like many men who are attracted to DD, there is a lot of testosterone coursing through these veins.  It can help me take the kind of risks that build a successful career, but it can also lead to a lot of impetuous and impulsive decisions that come back to haunt me. It can help me stand up to assholes, but it also leads me to ignore or confront legitimate authority.  And, it can sometimes make me act like an arrogant jerk.

My wife is very open about the fact that one of the things she likes best about disciplining me is that it forces a humility on me that is both natural and extremely difficult for me.  When she orders me to take off all my clothes and bend over for a hard paddling or strapping, and when I actually do it, she knows how hard that is for my ego to take.  And, she enjoys that.  She knows that humbling me is a necessary and part of the process and, in fact, is one of its primary goals.

While she doesn't go out of her way to humble me in other ways, it is starting to happen more.  Several weeks ago, I wrote about an incident in which I went off on someone in a voicemail in a context in which it was not at all appropriate.  I told my wife about it, and being thoroughly fed up with my temper and arrogance creating problems at work, she took a "the punishment should fit the crime" approach.  She ordered me to apologize to the guy, stipulating that it had to be in person or by telephone.  No email.  She wanted me to have to humble myself with a verbal apology made live to the person I have abused.  A more recent incident involved her using a DD allusion to put me in my place in front of someone.  I had been teasing her about something, and some of it probably crossed the line into disrespect.  With only a little hesitation, she said " Be careful. Bad boys get spanked."  That got me instantly back in line.

Does your partner do things that are deliberately designed to humble you?  Do yo want her to? What form does/should that take?  I can think of a few things Disciplinary Wives could impose:
  •  Give him orders, like chores or a personal task, in front of other people. At a holiday party last year, my wife and I were chatting with another couple and she turned and handed me her empty drink glass and told me to go to the bar and get her another.  It was not a request.  It was very conspicuously an order.
  • Make him show respect in public in some conspicuous way that emphasizes her role over him.
  • Make him kneel or take some subservient posture, perhaps as a means of cutting off an argument
  • On the more risque side:
    • Panties?
    • Chastity device
What are your thoughts on this?  What has your partner done for the express purpose of humbling you?

I hope you have a good week.

58 comments:

  1. Unfortunately, my wife has passed away, but she was a wonderful woman who realized we both enjoyed it when she was "in charge." For the past several years, even after she'd been gone, I only wear panties, the more feminine the better, to remind me that I'm submissive. She did use chastity and would, on occasion when we were out of town where we knew no one, would wear the key as a necklace. And, yes, I've been told, similar to our host, that "bad boys get spanked." We both realized how important it was/is to keep me humble. Thanks...good topic for this newbie todiscuss.

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  2. Nothing additional takes place with me: - the intention is that the spankings provide this in their entirety.

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  3. In our case, she does nothing extra for the purpose of humbling me. We both agreed at the onset I was to shave my entire head as an outward display of my submission. I also wear in plain sight a chain with a pendant which identifies me as a collared, submissive male. Many people know and other learn I am a spanked submissive. In public, I treat her as my superior and serve her accordingly. Occasionally if I slip up, I will get the look or a comment from her like 'you know what happens when you behave like that'. Once she actually spanked me within earshot of everyone. I relayed that experience here a while ago. As for the more risque side, she never wishes to feminize me with panties or the like. She prefers me totally nude whenever inside. I actually volunteered to be placed in chastity, but she declined saying she wants all of me to be in her complete control all the time. My feelings... I don't wish to live in any other manner.

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    1. I'm curious, has anyone in public ever commented on the chain and pendant? I have a pendant that I am told symbolizes that I am a submissive male, which isn't quite true, but DD doesn't seem to have its own symbology. At first, I was embarrassed about showing it, but it occurred to me that only someone in the BDSM lifestyle was likely to recognize it.

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    2. What are the two symbols? I've been wondering about this for awhile.
      CrimsonKing

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    3. Yes, Dan, several folks have commented on it or even asked what it means. If they are folks I know and trust, I tell them about it. Other folks, I just make up an excuse for the upward arrow. You are correct, lifestyle folks seem to know about the symbols.

      Crimson King, My pendant actually has three symbols. The round shape denotes I am a submissive, the upward arrow denotes I am male and there is a ring around the arrow denoting I am collared.

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    4. Something like these?
      https://www.etsy.com/listing/225256829/collared-submissive-male-emblem-sterling

      I'll have to get something like this...
      Thanks
      CrimsonKing

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  4. At the height of our FLR regime Mistress had the confidence to humble me as, and when, she liked.
    If we were going out shopping and she was in her authoritarian mood – I’d be reminded of the rules before we left the house: I had to remain behind her. I wasn’t allowed to look in shops of my interest. I had to remain patient while she looked at things she liked.
    If I forgot my place and, for example, looked in a shop window that interested me, she would walk up to me and remind me of the rules. If I overtook her, she would stand still in the middle of the street and wait until I realised my error. Then I’d have to walk back and stand still while being lectured about the rules.
    She also had a delight in talking about me to the shop assistants like I was not there (in fact she still does this). Just little put downs, like ‘I’ve brought him with me to carry the bags today…..’ that if you are into FLR it would be obvious what’s going on. I’d go red face as the lady at the till and those around would titter at my expense - and she’d say to the assistant, “oh look, now I’ve embarrassed him…”
    While I used to find it so humbling I also found it strangely exciting. I’ve tried to analyse why and the only thing I can come up with is that I’m enjoying her show of authority and control over me….
    Of course, if she had to speak to me about any issues while we were out, it would mean the cane when we got home.
    Even now with our FLR (temporarily) on hold, there are certain things expected of me: Holding the door open in shops for her to walk through first, helping her off and on with her coat, hold the chair for her as she sits down.
    I wasn’t allowed to start eating or drinking until after she had started in cafes or restaurants – and I’d been expected to refill her cup with tea, or glass with water or wine without being asked.
    They are all common courtesies forgotten in our modern world – but things she likes me to continued to do, even though our FLR is not operational as such. Again, anyone with a hint of FLR interest would spot the actions a mile off.
    Finally the other thing she used to make me do was going out shopping wearing my plastic punishment pants. For anyone who has worn them close to the skin they will know how uncomfortably sticky they get under a pair of jeans and how the elastic begins to chaffe. Not only that, they make a rustling noise as you move which is not so bad in the street but sometimes far too noticeable in a quieter shop.
    While I found the entire humbling experience quite embarrassing and humiliating, as I say, I rather liked the way Mistress seemed to thrive on holding this power of control over me and submitted to it willingly, despite living on tenterhooks while we were out when she was in one of her authority moods as I never quite knew what was coming next.

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    1. It is interesting that some of these things that now seem humbling or to be acts of submission were once called chivalry, or just plain old "manners."

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    2. Exactly Dan. I'm happy holding the door open for a Lady (or gent) or being courteous in others ways. Yet the acts are met with total surprise. Shows how far we've drifted in society for the respect everyone once had for each other. I think and FLR just allows those old traits to be emphasised….

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  5. My wife uses a number of different methods: She pats me on my clothed bottom in public as a reminder, if I not behaving and will whisper what will happen if I don't behave. She has said in front of people "you know what will happen"! She uses chastity and will say things like you just got two more days in front of people or I bet you wish you could have sex with me now, she will also make me wear a plug when around other people or going to a restaurant, which is very humbling. Also she will peg me with a much larger member than mine and say so.

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    1. Anonymous...I get the 'you know what will happen' comment too. No chastity here even though I had volunteered for it. I've had to wear a plug and occasionally I get pegged, but both are more to reinforce the fact I belong to her and exercise her control rather that to humble me.

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  6. OK.....I can't be the ONLY one curious about what you did this time Dan...lol. And us regular readers are also going to be distracted all day wondering about what you might be walking into when you get home tonight!!!! I know you like to keep aspects of your life private but we'l want to at least hear how you're sitting tomorrow (Tuesday).

    You bring up some VERY interesting concepts under the "more risqué" category!!! I had at times if it was "just me" that thought about some of that. Panties are a love/hate. Would hate being put in them, would be completely humiliating....which conversely is the reason I "like" the idea of being made to wear them as punishment.

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    1. Hi Darren. Happy to share. Regarding timing, I am already sitting on a very sore bottom today, though it is likely to be more so later this week. Regarding how I got into this, in a nutshell, my wife had a work related function last week that kept her tied up around dinner time. She told me that I needed to be home by 6:00, so I could feed the dogs. So, that day, 4:00 pm came around and I had a meeting with someone at work. They suggested we do it over a glass of wine. We did, and as we were wrapping up, some other work colleagues came by. Long story short, getting home by 6:00 became getting home by 7:45. So, my not-at-all-infrequent problem with carousing with people from was coupled with disobeying her regarding arrival time. So, this called for at least two separate spankings -- one for the drinking/carousing and one for the disobedience. The first was delivered on Saturday, and my butt is very, very sore. She has not announced a day for Round 2, but it will be sometime this week.

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    2. Aughhhhh....you and I have commiserated on our mutual propensity for the work socializing. We know it gets us in trouble....but in the moment we just can't help ourselves. You're lucky that in the heat of the moment, as she was spanking away for you falling into the SAME OLD trap she has addressed with you countless times before, she then didn't inadvertently build up steam that naturally lead into the disobedience!

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    3. Oh, she kind of did. It was a very severe spanking, and I expect no less of one later this week.

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    4. Dan, your description touches on one of the aspects of this weeks forum, the waiting for discipline. We never do that here. Punishment is delivered as soon after the incident as possible. For multiple offenses as you committed, I simply get punished for both together. The scolding separates the two spankings.

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    5. Neglecting the doggies? Good that that issue will be addressed.

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    6. Hi Tomy. Yes, I honestly feel way more guilty about that than about most of my other offenses.

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    7. I would guess your wife considers neglecting the dogs a more serious of fence so is saving the ' best for last", or does she consider both of fences equally?Sounds like she really laid it on good for your 1st spanking so the next one sounds like it could be epic.

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  7. My wife has not really focused on extra humiliations, but she tells me she is interested in some, like maybe dressing me in an apron and make me do chores or serve her. Another she has mentioned is making me wear panties under my clothes someday, as a constant reminder that I will be punished (or perhaps punished more or again) in the evening. Also she has used the strap-on once and said she will probably again for certain offenses, but while it is certainly humiliating, she views it more as an additional punishment because of the discomfort.

    She does use corner time or alternative punishments, but not necessarily as a humiliation.

    -ZM

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    1. Hi ZM. A strap-on would definitely qualify for one of the risque alternatives. It is also one that points to an ongoing challenge for DD Wives -- they really need to figure out whether a particular "punishment" or "humiliation" functions as such. Panties, strap-ons, wearing an apron while doing dishes -- all or any of those might be a punishment for one husband but a turn-on for another. Though, the same thing is certainly true, maybe even more so, for spanking.

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  8. The first two points aren't done by my wife, as the whole point of spanking is that it is her time to get her frustrations with me out of her system, but without undermining my position as head of the family. The idea is that God has given me a padded surface that I can expose for a spanking where necessary, she can spank me however many times and at whatever strength she determines necessary and then we move on from there. The third point is one we sort of do sometimes: - if things turn into a silly argument, she might end it that way. Alternatively, I might climb down and voluntarily suggest an immediate spanking if I realise the error of my ways first. Regarding the fourth point, we don't use panties, as we don't like blurring gender boundaries. We don't use chastity devices, as one of the reasons for using spankings rather than say the silent treatment is that the issue can be finished there and then and then coitus can proceed as if nothing had happened (well, except for the sore bottom).

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  9. Humiliating (humbling) Shilo has proven to be an impossible task. Chastity, pegging, dressing him in panties, even full drag, and even punishments that would turn me into a whimpering wreck of a person hasn't caused him any humiliation. I've pretty much given up on trying.

    As for his collar, it's very effeminate looking, but not anything particularly noticable as far as most people are concerned.

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    1. Hi Merry. It is interesting, isn't it, how some people are so secure in themselves that they just cannot be humbled? I can't say I'm there, but it has to be an interesting way to live

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    2. Marry, I was subject to a form of humiliation from another Dominant. Similar to kdpierre where Rosa will tell people about his punishments, I was made to tell a complete stranger (waitress, bank teller, sales clerk, check out person, etc), that I recently was spanked for ... (whatever infraction it was). If they showed any interest or questioned me, I was to tell them more about it. For example I was bare ass spanked with a paddle for not cleaning the dishes. Perhaps this would work for you. It is quite humiliating to relate ones discipline spanking to a complete stranger.

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    3. Been there, done that. We have kept the spanking bench in the living room, and our guests have been told who and what it's used for.

      He's just a tough cookie. Even filming and displaying them online.

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    4. The above mentioned doesn't mean that I haven't caught him off-guard and perhaps even scared him a little. It just means that he doesn't humiliate easily.

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  10. While Rosa has INSISTED, both to me and to others, that her domination is not intended to 'break' my spirit in any way, she has NO PROBLEM with a little humbling! And as that goes, we have a list of things that would qualify.What's interesting though is that some (though certainly not all) of these things are also something of 'treats' as well. But I think duality.....the act as both humbling and desired.....reflects the nature of establishing a D/s dynamic, acknowledging the inequality of it, and reveling in the devotional aspect of it.

    Things that we do that are intended to be humbling..period:
    -Wearing the butt-revealing chaps around the house and yard after a spanking (our version of 'cornertime')
    -public threats of punishment
    -pouch panties/apron
    -occasionally letting someone else see some aspect of my submission....like panties, spanked behind, or chastity device
    -clearly labeled 'spanking spoon' hung visibly in the kitchen where anyone can see and read what it's for

    Things that are humbling, but also enjoyable to me on another level:
    -Having her in charge of my orgasms and genital touching
    -prolonged sessions of butt-tonguing including a queening chair at times
    -foot kissing
    -pee drinking
    -sleeping turned around so my face and mouth are at her feet
    -all sorts of rules regarding servitude from drink-getting, to coffee-making, to foot pampering
    -chastity device-wearing with her having a key locket she will wear and tell people about
    -pegging and a lot of plug wearing too
    -and though we still occasionally use them, though not as much anymore, we also have his/her jewelry that clearly denote our roles

    As you can see......we toy with this 'humbling aspect' a lot!

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    1. It's funny that you and I are so alike in some ways and so different in others. We don't do most of the items on your lists, but if I were to pick which might be purely humbling and which might have some attraction, with maybe one exception I would completely switch them up!

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    2. It is kind of funny.....but probably preferable to having a mirror reflection for a friend. As for the list, I do think Rosa and I are exceptions to a lot of typical lifestyle living. I have found that a lot of DD people tend to shy away from the kinkier aspects of D/s and that the kinkier BDSM people tend to avoid formal DD in favor of consensual roleplay or scenes. We are somewhat firmly in the middle of both worlds. But hey, I am used to being the oddball in just about any group.

      Besides, if I ever read you were typing out your weekly post with a giant plug up your butt and a warm cup of your wife's pee in your hand.....I would likely choke on my morning muffin! ;-) LOL

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    3. Yeah, I can see how for some people it is either one or the other as between DD and BDSM

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  11. Dan
    I truly love the concept of Humbling. That is indeed what it is that Peter needs more than anything. In fact I am stealing one of your wife's humblings. Peter has been unkind with caustic remarks several times with one of the dads in our neighborhood. Peter called and invited the man and his family to a party we are giving for labor day. At the party Peter will "ask for his forgiveness for being so rude " Those are the words he will use and he will do it in front of me.
    I realize that that word Humbling is what has been missing in Peter"s existence. Some of the other suggestions that others have mentioned are things I have never thought about. A spanking is easy next to
    askng for forgiveness.
    Anna

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    1. Hi Anna. Please offer Peter my apologies for leading to what will probably be a very uncomfortable experience for him. :-) But, in all seriousness, atonement is a very hard kind of punishment, and I find that the prospect of having to do something like apologize for bad behavior is far more effective at preventing a repeat than a hard spanking.

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    2. Could make for a more meaningful experience for him mentally if while he was apologizing his bottom was still stinging from the spanking and the lecture he got about what he was to do and why still in his head, before the guests arrived (well that is assuming he couldn't get pulled away during the party and taken upstairs for a bit telling him it was time he did what he was supposed to do)

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  12. Hello Another interesting theme, congratulations. My interactions are rare but I always follow.

    My wife used to embarrass me during discipline. For two reasons:
    1 - I have good resistance to pain and humble becomes efficient
    2 - The reason for my disciplines is due to my behavior with her. I always try to be superior to her and treat her badly.

    The common ritual she leads is:
    1- First she orders that I take off all my clothes and stand without being able to cover me while she declares the reason of my disciplines.
    2 - I lie on the bed while she applies the belt
    3 - She completed applied hits with my belt in the diaper position (this is the worst time)

    Well

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    1. Thanks, Well. I have some of the same issue with high pain tolerance

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  13. Dan, yet another fascinating topic which has given me some food for thought. I have discussed additional 'humbling' activates with the Boss such as corner time, etc. Her response was very revealing in that she pointed out that I already submitted without (much) protest to her orders to go upstairs, prepare the room & implements, bare myself from waist down (and often completely), await her arrival, listen to a long telling off, position myself in the most exposed way across the bed, accept what is often quite a severe strapping/caning and then thank her afterwards. How much more humbled could I be? All of which I thought were fair points! TB

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  14. "Humbling" is an inherent part of being spanked or whipped by one's wife or girlfriend -and all the more so when you have to ask for it, to lower your pants, to fetch the required "tools", to thank her and to kiss her hand (or feet) after the session - and being assigned some "corner time".
    But a more drastic form of "humbling" (which I have experienced a number of times) is when I am spanked or whipped under the eyes of - and sometimes by! - one of her friends, or else in a place where we can be overheard, such as a hotel room, or (once or twice) a store's fitting room, of the women's restrooms in an airport... not to mention the times when I have been flogged in the open air with a freshly cut switch when we are on a hike in the woods (w/out, thus far, being caught "in the act"!)

    L.

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  16. To L. I agree with the concept it is humbling for an adult to be spanked by a wife or girlfriend to begin with. Also I have been spanked by some of her family and they have witnessed other spanking I have received. Some of our friends have viewed my spankings and several times I was spanked with earshot of others. Very humiliating. Outdoor spankings are great.

    Anonymous.. We don't do the corner time, but being kept nude, my recently spanked bottom is on display after every spanking. You mention it is humbling to be a spanked adult female....don't forget us spanked adult males, we are humbled as well. lol

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  17. We entered into a DD relationship for the sole purpose of improving specific behavioral issues we both agreed needed correction. The solution developed from reading the Spencer Spanking Plan on the internet (modifying it to apply only to me as I was the person needing correction). The remedy suggested was a darn good whipping (with a paddle or strap)when bad behavior occurred. This remedy alone, in our case, resulted in at least a 95% improvement rate in my behavior over time. .
    Our program is confidential, private, no humbling except for the spanking itself.

    Fred

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    1. Hey Fred. Can't say I'm at anything close to 95%, hence the need for additional humbling.

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    2. Fred, A 95% improvement is a great testament to the effectiveness of DD relationships. Are you still getting spanked when necessary although not as often? My behavior has improved, but not near 95%. So, like Dan, still getting spanked and humbled.

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  18. Dan
    You and your damned humbling. Anna has ordered me to report to you that I have called that guy and invited him to our place on Sunday. I will apologize to him. Our boys are way and Anna plans to use my own belt on me Saturday nite and perhaps Sunday morning.
    Anna has cut up an old Harris Tweed jacked of mine and has sewn a pair of briefs for me to wear under
    my shorts Sunday at the party. She told me that the spanking and the itchy tweed on my bottom will remind me to behave and be more than a gracious host.
    I am humbled already!
    Peter

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    1. Hey Peter. Sorry to hear that. See what happens when everyone tells me to share more personal anecdotes? It just gives the women more ideas. That tweed thing sounds awful !

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    2. We are actually good friends with a DWC couple who lived on the Isle of Harris, where Harris Tweed is made. I have experienced her expertise with a hairbrush, but never with tweed underwear. :)

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  19. Well this topic of Humbling has been on for a couple of weeks at least and I finally got it clearly figured out in my mind as to how it relates to our situation.

    My wife does not prefer that I am humbled. She has achieved what she wanted. I comply with spanking orders, and I have modified my behavior in most of the ways she wishes. We have a very well-balanced and happy relationship.

    When she first met me this thing called "Life" had already humbled me in too many ways. I was emotionally pretty broken. She consistently built me back up to my "pre-disaster" confident and assertive self. It's a lot of what she actually likes about me. (And she knows exactly how to keep it managed within a range she likes).

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  20. Hi Tomy. Sounds like you are a very lucky man. Your observation about being humbled by life illustrates why I think DD or FLR may not be for everyone. If someone is already broken down, then it's hard to see how being dominated or punished regularly is going to make that person better. It sounds like in your case perhaps it did, though you didn't say whether you started practicing DD before or after she built you back up to pre-disaster levels.

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  21. "You didn't say whether you started practicing DD before or after she built you back up to pre-disaster levels."

    The answer is that we practiced the DWC lifestyle WHILE she was building me back up. Receiving spankings, and corrective guidance, fulfilled a lifelong dream and only made me feel more special and nurtured. I knew I was super lucky and that most men don't get to actually live it out in real life.

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