Hi all, and welcome back to the Forum, our weekly gathering of men and, increasingly, women who are participating or interested in Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships. Thanks again to all our Lurkers who stepped up to the virtual microphone last week. I hope at least a few of you will stick around as regular contributors.
"You're really asking for it!" A phrase used in frustration by moms, Disciplinary Wives, and frustrated partners, probably the world over. But what about literally "asking for it?" When, if ever, should the disciplined spouse speak up when they've been bad and need to be punished, or when they feel out of control and need tighter boundaries imposed? There are a lot of different views on this. Some have expressly agreed that the disciplined spouse can "ask for it" when they feel a punishment has been earned or they need to offer up that act of penance, or when they just feel the need for it. Others see it as "topping from below." Others not only allow it, but require it as part of the spanking ritual.
I know many on this forum go in adifferent direction on this, and it is an issue I can see from both sides. I've never quite bought the whole "topping from below" concept as applicable in a DD context, as opposed to Femdom and BDSM. I just see it as very problematic if taken so far that one spouse can't express their needs. I also suspect that many "tops" dramatically over-estimate their own ability to read and fully understand the other parties' wants and needs and then make unilaterally good decisions on whether and how to meet those needs. But, there are lots of variations and degrees of control in these relationships, and my wife expressed one of them.
So, what role, if any, does "asking for it" play in your relationship? I do realize, by the way, that we have done this one before, but it has been awhile.