Hi all,
One of our regular commenters, Anna, took me up on my invitation to step up to the microphone. Here is her personal background with DD, and an outline of punishment guidelines and schedule she and her husband have agreed to.
A BRIEF HISTORY
I MARRIED MY HUSBAND PETER AT 20. HE WAS 25 AND ALREADY VERY SUCCESSFUL. HE WAS PART OF THE SILICON VALLEY EXPLOSION AND
WE LIVED VERY WELL.
AT 30 WE HAD TWO SONS. ONE 5 AND ONE 4. WE LIVED IN A LOVELY HOME
AND LACKED FOR NOTHING IN A MATERIAL SENSE. PETER WAS A GREAT
PROVIDER. I WAS ALSO MISERABLE. PETER WORKED HARD AND PLAYED EVEN HARDER AND LITTLE OF HIS PLAY INVOLVED EITHER HIS WIFE OR HIS SONS. HE WAS LIVING THE LIFE OF A SINGLE MAN.
I WAS MISERABLE AND TOOK TO BEING A NAG AND MY GETTING EVEN WAS
TO DEPRIVE HIM OF ANY FORM OF SEX WITH ME. A WEEK AFTER OUR
TENTH ANNIVERSARY WE BEGAN SEEING A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR IN AN
EFFORT TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE FOR THE SAKE OF OUR SONS. THE FIRST
THREE MONTHS OF OUR SESSIONS ONLY MANAGED TO MAKE THINGS WORSE.
AFTER ONE SESSION WHERE PETER SAID ONLY TWO WORDS IF THAT, AND I HAD RUN ON AND ON THE COUNSELOR STOPPED ME AND ASKED PETER HOW
HE FELT. HE SAT FOR A FEW MINUTES AND THEN STOOD UP AND YELLED
" I JUST WISH SHE WOULD GROW SOME BALLS AND STOP WHINING"
AFTER HE SPOKE HE STORMED OUT. I SAT IN SHOCK FOR SEVERAL MINUTES
BEFORE I LEFT.
LONG STORY SHORT WE BEGAN ACTUALLY TALKING. ONCE PAST THE ANGER HE COULD TELL ME HE WANTED ME TO REIN HIM IN. WANTED ME TO GIVE HIM
CONSEQUENCES FOR HIS BAD BEHAVIOR. I BEGAN READING ABOUT WIVES WHO SPANK THEIR HUSBANDS. WHILE WE SPOKE OF THIS IN GENERAL TERMS PETER CONFESSED THAT FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS HE HAD BEEN SEEING
A WOMAN WHO SPANKED HIM. THERE WAS NO SEX ONLY SPANKING AND HE ASKED ME TO SPEAK WITH HER. BECAUSE HE WAS SO OPEN I AGREED.
I MET MS X I SHALL CALL HER AND SHE WASNT ANYTHING I EXPECTED HER TO BE. SHE ASSURED ME THERE WAS NO SEX AND THIS WENT BEYOND SEX FOR PETER.
THE NEXT STEP WAS HARDEST SETTING UP RULES WITH PETER AND THEN WHEN HE BROKE A RULE SUCH AS BEING HOME FOR DINNER AT THE AGREED UPON TIME. IT TOOK TIME BUT FOR THE PAST FOUR YEARS WE HAVE REFINED THE RULES. THE ONE THING WE DO NOT DO IS EVER MIX UP DISCIPLINE WITH SEX AFTER.
SPANKING PROGRAM FOR ANNA AND PETER
AFTER MUCH TRIAL AND ERROR WE NARROWED DOWN THE THREE AREAS
THAT WE BOTH AGREED NEEDED WORK FROM HIM TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE WORK BETTER.
# 1 OFFENSIVE TONE. TOO OFTEN HE SPOKE IN A CONDESCENDING TONE
TO ME EITHER ALONE, IN FRONT OF COMPANY AND ESPECIALLY IN FRONT
OF OUR BOYS.
# 2 DISPLAYS OF ANGER THAT OFTEN SCARED THE BOYS AND EMBARRASSED
ME EITHER WITH OTHER FAMILY OR FRIENDS. LIKE ALL BOYS OUR SONS
WERE BEGINNING TO MIRROR THEIR DADS BEHAVIOR.
# 3 DRINKING AND DRIVING EITHER ALONE OR WITH FAMILY
SINCE OUR BOYS SPEND EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT WITH HIS PARENTS WE DESIGNATE THAT EVENING AS PUNISHMENT EVENING. PETER KNOWS TO GO AT ONCE UP TO THE BEDROOM AND LAY OUT THE BELT, BRUSH , PADDLE, AND A RIDING CROP. HE THEN UNDRESSES AND STANDS IN MIDDLE OF ROOM AND WAITS UNTIL I COME UPSTAIRS. I CHOOSE WHAT METHOD I WILL USE AND THE TOTAL COUNT IS LEFT TOTALLY UP TO ME. I CALL IT THE " UNTIL MOMENT"
THAT IS THE MOMENT WHEN I SENSE BY HIS TEARS, PLEAS OR ATTITUDE
I CAN STOP. AFTER A SPANKING HE PUTS AWAY ALL THE SPANKING MATERIAL
AND THEN STANDS IN THE CORNER TO MEDITATE FOR AN HOUR. NOSE TO WALL HANDS LOCKED IN THE SMALL OF THE BACK LEGS SPREAD APART.
AFTER HIS CORNER TIME HE COMES DOWN TO DINNER AND WE RESUME A NORMAL EVENING. THERE IS NEVER SEX OF ANY KIND. USUALLY WHEN WE GO TO BED THE OFTEN CURLS UP AND TELLS ME HE IS SORRY AND THANKS ME FOR MY PATIENCE.
IN THE PAST YEAR AS WE HAVE GROWN TO UNDERSTAND THESE NEEDS THERE ARE TIMES WHEN AN IMMEDIATE SESSION IS NEEDED BY HIM. THESE USUALLY OCCUR AT HIS OFFICE AFTER WORKING HOURS. I HAVE A STTER COME IN AND GO TO HIM WHERE HE ASKS FOR WHAT HE NEEDS TO GROUND
HIM. THESE SESSIONS SEEM TO PRODUCE THE TEARS MOST OFTEN AND AFTER ONE OF THESE SESSIONS WHEN WE GET HOME THERE IS A LOVELY CALM AND HE OFTEN BEGS TO SERVICE ME WITH NOT RELEASING HIMSELF.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
26 comments:
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Thanks, Anna! After a lot of work, it sounds like you and Peter have come to a very healthy place.
ReplyDeleteAnna, I have a few follow-up questions. First, Peter declared in your session that he just wished you would grow some balls. I think for a lot wives, that may be easier said than done. What was that process like for you, and how did you get there. Second, you said Fridays are punishment nights. Is that every Friday, or only when he has committed some offense that you have agreed requires punishment. Finally, with the sessions at his office, is there ever anyone else nearby who might overhear? Do you bring implements to use on him, or does he keep some at his office?
ReplyDeleteAll excellent questions Dan. Can't wait for the answers.
DeleteDan
ReplyDeleteThe night Peter said " Get some balls" i went home alone. When I walked in the
door I saw my two sons dozing on the sofa. As I carried them up to bed I realized
if i wanted my boys to grow to be men I had to do something. I stopped feeling sorry
for myself and set to work to figure things out.
Soon after at our session he revealed he went to a dome to be spanked from time to
time and that for him it was a release he needed. Funny I was relieved. I made an
appointment to see the woman who I shall call Ms X. First she assured me that there
was nothing sexual about their meetings. I believed her. Next she showed me the
things she used to spank Peter. She also explained where not to hit and where to hit.
She gave me a list of " his favorite instruments" and where to purchase them.
All the time when i faltered that i couldn't do this I would think of my sons growing up
to be just like their dad. We worked out finally the friday nite thing.
For the first two years it was every friday nite but slowly as Peter became a better mate
we began skipping a friday here and there. Now id say maybe twice a month.
The sessions at his office came about one friday he confessed that he had lost his temper with his secretary and the owner of the firm heard him and told him the next
time he behaved that way he would be out. It was a friday nit about 11 pm. I stopped the session and insisted he dress and we packed up the brush and a riding crop and went to his office. There dressed in his suit, with only pants and briefs around his ankles I punished him draped over the desk of his secretary. Then I ordered him to hand write a note of apology.
When we got back home I found I was more angry with him than I ever had been as he had put his family's welfare in jeopardy. I had him strip and then proceeded to hit him till he had tears. That was how it started with work. To me it was an act to save our family.
Anna
ps I should say that discipline at home after the office left him with bruises he never had before or since. It works!
anna
DeleteYou speak for many wives!
Anna, I think your solution for dealing with his misbehavior at the office is just amazing. My temper has created more than s small number of problems for myself at work. I wonder if I would find it much easier to keep myself in check if I knew that any of those incidents might result in a punishment session at the office, where someone might catch us. Wow! That is one of the most threatening thoughts I've had in quite some time. Similar to what I felt when we first discovered DD. Thanks SO much for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAnna
ReplyDeleteThank you for speaking for the wives. Your voice and that of Susie who seems to contribute to this blog now and then have allowed my husband to show me this site and is opening for us both a
new vision of domestic discipline. Thank you to Dan also for this site.
a relieved wife
A Relieved Wife, thank you very much for visiting. No pressure, but I hope you'll join Susie and Anna in telling us a little bit about yourself. If not here in the comments or in a guest post, I hope you'll leave something in the Guestbook. But, regardless of how much or little you want to participate, welcome!
DeleteDan
Anna,
ReplyDeleteIt has been said often that a true punishment spanking doesn't really begin until the one being spanked is pleading for it to end. What are your thoughts on the severity and length of the punishments you give your husband? Do they leave bruises or lasting marks? Are there genuine tears from him? My Mistress is just now venturing into the area of much more severe and more lengthy punishment spanking sessions. She does not currently use corner time, but I suspect that will come as we evolve.
I go as I said by the thought I will spank him " Until Moment ". He has never actually shed tears but any woman can sense that moment when her man is expressing true regret. Often when I use a brush or on rare occasions a caning there are bruises for anywhere from two to ten days. I find that spanking then pausing a bit is wise. I also never spank when I am very angry. That can be dangerous. Any woman spanking either husband or children should read about the "safe areas" and "danger areas" to be spanked. Corner time I find most valuable and most effective. Nose to wall hands placed
Deleteat the top of his waist legs spread wide. It is uncomfortable which is of course the point.
anna
wow, thank you Anna!
DeleteThank you, Anna. Love what you have done to save your marriage and understand your husband. I wonder if you ever punish him in ways other than spanking? Or, give him rewards of any kind? Thank you.
ReplyDeleteNever ! Once the punishment has taken place it should be done. You both need to move on
Deleteanna
Anna, it's Susie. How many years have you been in a disciplinary relationship with your husband? Also, do you have a BDSM relationship as well? Thank you! Susie
ReplyDeleteSusie
ReplyDeleteAbout four years of real discipline. I am discounting the year that we worked toward a situation where we both felt comfortable. As to BDSM I am always confused what is and isnt. My focus is
a home where my young sons can grow up with respect for others. When my husband responds to my discipline by not losing his temper or yelling. Is he submissive or merely enlightened or have the changes I made given him the respect for me that I deserve. Do love seeing your name when you post.
Anna
Would love to get Susie and everyone else's views on this, but it seems to me that BDSM and DD are almost on opposite sides of the same coin. One is about inflicting or receiving pain from spanking (among other things) for the sexual thrill of it, with no other real purpose. It is, for the receiver and the giver, supposed to be a form of pleasure seeking behavior. DD, on the other hand, is supposed to be about using spanking for punishment, and making it hard enough that the receiver takes no pleasure out of it and wants to correct his behavior to avoid another punishment session. It seems to me that it would be very hard to use spanking to truly discipline someone who is into being on the receiving end of a BDSM relationship, because it is something they really want to receive! I know it is waayyy more complicated than that--particularly given that a lot of DD recipients may crave the discipline while hating the spanking itself--but I wonder if any of that seems to true to Susie and our other BDSM practitioners.
DeleteHi Anna!
DeleteI would say, in your case, it's enlightenment. :-)
You're much younger than I thought... For some reason, I was under the impression your boys were all grown up. Good on you to take up the task of raising them right!
Susie
It's way different than that Dan, and I don't have enough time to answer it completely, but I'll be back later.
DeleteSusie
Dan, you surprise me. I think we both know its not as simple/black & white as that don't we ..... ? ;-)
DeleteHey Dan, there will be no fighting from me. Vive la difference and al that jazz. Its all just labels isn't it. I am really enjoying the blog at the moment. Hearing everyones points of view and different experiences has made me think about all this in a way that I have not been quite able to do before. Its given me a better understanding of myself and for that I am grateful to you Dan and our little band of contributors. I always look forward to checking in here.
ReplyDeleteIt's Susie. Now that everyone is in bed, I'll attempt to explain this. Throw away your coin analogy, and think of one as basketball and the other as baseball. Both are sports and both have balls involved, but that's where the similarity ends. In both DD and BDSM there can be a spanker and spankee, and the same equipment (paddles, canes hands) is used, both can involve discipline, but one involves a fetish for correction, while the other involves correction, period.
ReplyDeleteThe person receiving discipline has a desire for it, or they wouldn't be involved with the person giving it. The man who is receiving Domestic Discipline wants to be good and please his wife, but he knows that id he doesn't "behave" he will be spanked. He does not enjoy it, but he knows it will make him a better man.
The submissive male also desires to please his Mistress, much like the man receiving Domestic Discipline, but, sometimes, he likes how the implements she uses makes him feel. He may enjoy the afterburn or seeing the welts and bruises. This does not mean he enjoys the actual spanking. It's more about how he feels inside.
I think I briefly told you about my time as a submissive. I enjoyed being spanked because of the release it allowed me to have. I could be mean and bitchy, but after a good hard spanking, I felt like a weight was lifted. I was nicer and I acted less bratty.
BDSM isn't always about sex, either. Not everyone involved has sex or gets sexual pleasure from it. As a Sadist, I get pleasure from seeing a masochist receiving pain, and, in turn, the masochist gets pleasure from the pain the Sadist is giving. Am I making sense?
Either way, think about it, and it will suddenly make sense.
We read your blog with great interest as we have found some new ways to look at our DD. Our relationship was pointed in this direction by my mom who was from another time. We began down this path after I saw the after response from Jacob after getting a well deserved spanking from my mom. The idea that he would top from the bottom is simply not possible as I assume the role of a loving adult pointing an errant boy in the right direction. In the beginning he complained I spankec too hard or I missed his sit spot etc. that only got him a harder spanking. I am the boss.
ReplyDeleteSorry for the delayed response on this. I sometimes miss comments on some of the older posts. Welcome and thanks for contributing, Boss Lady!
DeleteAnna,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that my comment is so tardy, but I could not figure out what to say that would be constructive or interesting without it focusing on me. These are my thoughts about me, but they seem parallel to your journey.
When I was young and single I lived a very testosterone/adrenaline filled life. My profession was very stressful and required very long hours, but as very rewarding. To relieve the pressure, I drank a lot and engaged in activities that caused adrenaline to surge in me: riding motorcycles fast, parachuting, etc... . These activities became my coping skills for relieving stress. When I got married, I stopped most of my dangerous activities because I was the breadwinner and for me to get hurt would impoverish my wife.
But my job was still very stressful and I no longer had an outlet to relieve stress. I still worked out, but much longer than an hour a day meant that we wouldn't have much time for each other. Everything came to the breaking point when we had our first child. My wife had to focus on our son and I was wasn't able to "do it all." So I stopped working out. Unfortunately, that was my last stress coping skill, so I felt trapped.
To maintain our lifestyle, I had to work long hours in a very competitive profession. To have a family life, I couldn't work out at the gym (where I could bathe in endorphins and focus only on me). I didn't want to stay at work and I didn't want to go home. Please remember, I really loved my wife and son, but I had no adrenaline or endorphins to remove the anxiety of my life. I became surly and resentful and my behavior deteriorated. I won't bore you with the details or the journey, but spanking has become my coping skill. I will say though, that I was certain that my wife would divorce me when I told her that I wanted to be spanked. It wasn't until she realized that it was not about sex and I really felt trapped with no good outcome unless I had a way to center myself. I'm not a masochist nor do I accept humiliation, but a good spanking releases endorphins, forces me to focus, enforces good behavior and saves a lot of time seeking/receiving forgiveness.
One area that I seem to be different than most other spankos is corner time/aftercare. We tried corner time and it is counter productive to me- I become resentful and time is still in short supply.. When the spanking is over, discipline is over. But I always need aftercare. If my wife spanks me to relieve my stress, then she gives me a hug and a kiss and leaves me alone. If she spanks me because I messed up, then the spanking is much longer and harder, because I have damaged our relationship. So after the last whack; I really need to know that she loves me. Consequently, hugging, kissing, lotion on the welts, etc... is just as important as the pain.
Life is now wonderful. We still have the friction of life, but I am focused on my family; know I have a wife and children that love me; and a wife that really helps me from becoming overwhelmed and keeps me focused on "staying the course."
A really good side benefit to spanking, is that it forces us to really talk and listen to each other. Which builds stronger bonds, presents understanding and reduces friction.
Thank you for sharing with us. It really helps hearing other people's history. Your husband is very lucky to have found someone as understanding and loving as you.
Thanks for your response. I feel so strongly that these dialogues between us all is so needed.
ReplyDeleteWe each need to find our own way. I would suggest you give some thought to your rejection of corner time might well be a desire to control even the discipline. Perhaps you should try it a few more times. Aftercare including hugging and creams applied is of course needed, but after the
corner time. Just a thoughtl
anna
Anna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting on my post. My negative response to corner time is the humiliation aspect. I really do not like humiliation, due to some pretty severe experiences when I was young. Please understand that my wife and I do not have a HOH relationship. I don't think either of us want that. We've kind of set up a traditional lifestyle- I make the living and she makes life worth living.
One thing that we do that has made a big improvement is that after every major project, I take a day's vacation and we make it a family day. It causes the kids to lose 3-5 days of school a year, but the benefits really make it worthwhile. I could spend a page just about this one topic