Saturday, September 20, 2014

The Forum Topic #57 - Polls Old & New

Hi all.  I hope you had a great weekend and are enjoying, for those of you in the Northern Hemisphere, a great Fall day.

This week's topic is related to my most recent poll, which focuses on viewer ages.  This topic resulted from an exchange with Susie a few weeks ago when I was bemoaning the fact that a topic on dealing with children in the context of a F/m domestic discipline household failed to generate much interest.   Susie postulated that the lack of response might be do to the fact that most of the Forum's readers are over 50 and children at home may no longer be an issue.  That seemed like a theory that really needed some testing, because I had not real basis to believe that a majority of our readers are, in fact, over 50.

So, several weeks ago I put up a poll to test that proposition.  I intended to leave it open for another week.  But, really, what is point?  While I would probably be wise to begin with the assumption that one of our Disciplinary Wives is correct, what surprises me is not that Susie was right, but the degree to which she was right.  The over-50 crowd is, by far, the largest demographic age block who reads this block or at least the largest that actually fills out the polls.  As of this morning, there were 114 votes, with the following breakdown:

21 - 30
  8 (7%)
30 -40
  5 (4%)
40 - 50
  19 (16%)
  82 (71%)

If the 114 people who responded are remotely representative of the overall viewer base, then almost  3/4 of our little community is over the age of 50.  While I am not particularly surprised that the readership tilts somewhat toward the older end of the spectrum, I am very much surprised that the numbers are so skewed toward that one age group. Admittedly, some of my surprise probably comes from the fact that the vast number of people who visit the blog I run are from an age group that I actually am not in!

So, my question is, why?  Why is the demographic of those interested in the topics addressed by this blog--primarily F/m domestic discipline--so heavily tilted toward those 50 and older?  More disposable time that they use to surf the internet?  More secure in themselves and more open to alternative lifestyles?  The Baby Boomers are just more open to alternative lifestyles than the younger generations?  You have to reach a certain age to fully feel the stress and strains that lead some hard-charging career men to seek out DD as an outlet?

Also, since we are on the topic of age, tell us a little bit about where you were in life at various times when DD and/or spanking took on some meaning in your life?  When did you first become aware of your interest in it?  When was the first time you acted on that interest?  When was the first time you gave or received a real DD or punishment-oriented spanking?  How old were you when you took concrete steps toward a real DD relationship?

I'm also putting up a new poll that I hope will tease out a few more insights on who we are and why we do do this thing we do.  This one focuses on career and professions.   Should be interesting, though this one is a little harder to construct a good poll because there are just so many options.  But, hopefully it will get the ball rolling.


  1. Hi Dan!

    I'm so very tempted to say "I told you so" but I won't. What I will do is tell you how I knew, When I first found you in March, I read back a few months, and I noticed that the men who contributed most talked about their families and their grown kids. Some even spoke of being retired, so the idea that they were over 50 made sense to me.

    Having an "Empty Nest" makes Domestic Discipline easier. We have more time to pursue our interests and kinks without fear of being discovered. Not having young children also means we have more disposable income, so we can afford toys other than the dreaded wooden spoon. (LOL) Also, many men and women don't take the time to discover their kinks until they are older. My local community of kinksters has many people over 40 who are new to trying it. Some waited till the kids were older, while others never realized that there was this entire community of people who felt the same as they did. Now I'll get off my soapbox.

    You already know my history, so I won't bore you or anyone else with it,


    1. I'd like to suggest you add Retired to your list of professions.


    2. Unfortunately, Google's "poll" gadget, which generally sucks on a whole lot of levels, will not allow you to change the options in a poll after someone has voted.

  2. Hi Dan,

    Mistress is 51. I'm 58.

    I think there are more over-50s interested in DD because of the reasons you have suggested. First of all we’ve reached an age where we are more comfortable and confident with our own selves to pursue our fantasies.

    I think many of us start looking for that extra little frisson in our lives and DD certainly delivers that. And with no children around it gives the free time and space to explore DD as a lifestyle. And, yes, it does help take some stress out of our busy careers.

    We first dated some eight or nine years ago and as soon as it became obvious we had a serious relationship developing I revealed my CP interests to my unsuspecting Lady. We initially played spanking games but after a year we both realized we had a mechanism that could benefit our relationship and adopted a DD lifestyle.

    At that time, I’d begun to notice some references to DD and DD Boot Camp on the internet and explored the subjects in some detail. Mistress and I discussed how we could adopt DD to suit our relationship. We drew up some basic rules and when any were broken, there was a punishment awarded.

    The benefits of DD are so obvious. No bad attitude, no talking back, no rows, no smouldering sulks or chores left undone.

    We can’t recall the exact first time we employed DD but the effect of going from playful CP games to serious real punishment was quite a big step and has had a profound, yet positive effect on our relationship.


    1. Thanks GK. I think your relationship arc from erotic spanking to using it for DD is probably fairly common. Though, it does seem that people gravitate to DD for all sorts of reasons and at different paces. And, that is why I am so surprised that the statistics are skewed quite this strongly to a single age group. But, they are what they are.

  3. My wife and I are both in our early 50s. Not coincidentally, we also recently became empty nesters. We have enjoyed playful spankings as part of our sex life since we married 30 years ago, although much less frequently once kids were in the house. We are talking about whether to go beyond playful spankings and adopt some form of DD. We aren't there yet. I am not sure why this issue has come up now as opposed to earlier. I think the empty nest is a major factor. Also, it didn't really occur to us as a possibility until we started reading blogs like this. Until lately, maintaining a power balance seemed very important. We never wanted our kids to see either parent dominated by the other one. I think we actually have fewer disagreements now. When we had less free time, we used to have some battles over how to use it. I would not have been willing to let my wife be in total charge then, because it would have meant not being able to do some things I wanted to. Although I can explain why it didn't appeal to me earlier, I cannot explain why it does appeal to me now.

    Another factor that may explain the generational difference is the change in public attitude toward spanking children. My wife and I were both spanked by our parents when we misbehaved as children. Most of our friends were also spanked. Everyone considered that normal. I had one friend whose parents believed that spanking was wrong, so he wasn't spanked. The rest of us thought that was weird. By the time we became parents, spanking was a disfavored form of discipline. Some parents believed it was always wrong while others believed it was just usually wrong. We regarded parents that resorted to spanking before exhausting other possibilities as bad parents. I suspect that many current 20 and 30 year olds were not spanked as children.

    1. Interesting observation that many in the newer generations probably have never actually been spanked, at least for punishment or discipline.

      We aren't empty-nesters yet, and I do anticipate that once that happens the regularity of our DD activities may jump up. Having kids around definitely inhibits the DD activities. But, I'm not sure whether the empty-nest issue explains the age breakdown in the pole because, while it may explain the ability to engage in DD activities on demand, it doesn't necessarily explain the level of interest.

  4. By the way, sorry for the ever-changing color layout. I can't figure out any way to change the font size on the polls, and I was struggling to read them despite not being quite as old as all my readers. ;-) So, I replaced the purple background on the sidebar, which I really liked, with a grey that I don't like as much but that is more readable.

  5. My wife, the HoH in our relationship ...early 50s.
    Me: later
    Where you were in life at various times when DD and/or spanking took on some meaning in your life? I was in London England, 17 years old...bought spanko porno books, and it took a hold on me, like nobody's business....

    When did you first become aware of your interest in it? Repeat, I was 17.

    When was the first time you acted on that interest? I did a very brief spanking trade off with my first girlfriend, was too embarrassed to repeat it. I was in my early 20s

    When was the first time you gave or received a real DD or punishment-oriented spanking?
    December 2012... through a contact I made on spank-this-hookup, I visited an older gentleman, who had me strip, get prone on a bed, with a pillow under my groin, and he used numerous implements on my backside.

    How old were you when you took concrete steps toward a real DD relationship?
    I did not think it even possible, until I met Merry at a BDSM party. After the first meet, we chatted by email, and arranged a date at another BDSM party. That was 6/1/13. We got engaged on 7/21/13, and married on 9/14/13, and settled right into a DD relationship.

    1. Hi Merry Slave. Good to hear from you again. You went silent on us for awhile. Glad to have you back.

    2. Thanks, Dan. I got through periods of lurking without saying a word for awhile, then I start posting again. But I do look forward to reading your updates, each and every week.


  6. Dan

    I am a first time contributor but have read your blog for awhile. A quick breakdown about me. I am an art director in an ad agency in NYC. I am 35
    and have been married 6 years. MY wife is 40 and ours is a female led
    marriage. We have no childen. Briefly my spanking resume.

    First spanking - Grew up without my dad. At 14 I was acting up and my mom
    unable to handle me took me to our parish priest. Was lectured in front of
    Mom then he had me bend over his desk and gave me 20 very hard swats
    with a yardstick. Mom watched me get the spanking and I was mortified.
    Later he used a belt. This happened maybe 5 times till I went off to college.
    There was nothing sexual about it to me. These spankings were always in
    front of my Mom. They were punishment.

    At 25 I landed a job in a top NYC at an ad agency. My immediate supervisor was the
    woman who would become my wife. She was older and very demanding of me.
    She always pushed me to do better. It helped me hone my skills. One day she was
    annoyed at a less than perfect job I submitted. It wasn't good and I knew it. She tore
    it up and read me the riot act. As she left she turned and said to me " You need a good long spanking, perhaps that will help you grow up."

    That night for the first time I thought of her as a woman . I confess I masturbated
    thinking of her. However she would have nothing to do with me. When I asked her
    out she laughed. As months passed I noticed when I did my best work she praised me.
    That praise gave me confidence to push myself further. Soon after she left the firm
    and the day she left she told me i could take her to dinner. I did and we began dating.
    I began relying on her more and more to keep me on course. One night I related the
    story of how my Mom took me to the priest.

    Before we married she made it clear she would use discipline as needed, and that
    she would not have a need for the priest. True to her word I am man content and
    know that when I disappoint her there is a way to erase the error.

    under 40

    1. Welcome first-time-poster! That's a great beginning. I absolutely cannot imaging anything more mortifying than being spanked by an authority figure like a priest in front of my mother. You say that it was pure punishment, but do you think it sparked an interest in disciplinary spanking, or are the previous experience and the interest in experiencing it later coincidental? If you're read the blog for awhile, you know I'm always especially interested in origin stories.

  7. Dan
    It was only after I married and was spanked by my wife that I made the connection between Mom and my wife. The very first time after we married that she spanked me, she took me in her arms and consoled me. It was just like when Mom would do that. And now it is an erotic embrace that makes me feel like a boy who has paid for
    his errors.
    under 40

  8. I think many women get more self confident and dominant as they grow older.
    Between 20 and 40 your kids are young and need more attention and time.
    Introducing spanking in a marriage where the man is a spanko can give that marriage some very good new positive impulses when after a long while the fire is slowly dimishing. Both my wife and I are 60+. She started spanking me when we were around 45.
    When I brought up the idea of spanking me during the first 20 years of our relation she asked if I was completely out of my mind. Once she started she no longer needed any encouragement.

    1. That makes perfect sense to me. My wife has definitely become more assertive and self-confident as she has gotten older

  9. Lots of good replies and many that resonate with me. The answer just above that women get more self confident after 40 or so seems to have a great deal of merit - based on my own personal experience and the many blogs and forums that I have read over the years. Also mentioned earlier is that men get more comfortable in their own skin - so to speak - as they get older - more comfortable recognizing and acting out on their inclination. And, on the practical side, the kids getting out of the house certainly makes living the lifestyle much more do-able. Even before the next is completely empty, the kids are out of the house much more often in their teen years - offering more private times for the wife to apply the hairbrush. This was true in our case - although the nest is empty now, the kids were well into their teens when we began our disciplinary arrangement - and they were so involved with school functions, we found that we had the house to ourselves quite often. --Al


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