“Nothing quite encourages as does one's first unpunished crime.”- Marquis de Sade
Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.
I hope you all had a good week. Mine was, once again, sedate. Downright boring. It’s probably going to be that kind of winter for me, thanks to this extended recovery. I definitely am going stir crazy.
My boredom was exacerbated by our seemingly unchanging weather. I don’t recall a winter in which we’d gone so long with virtually no snowfall. We got a dusting a week ago, but even calling it a dusting overstates the accumulation. As I’ve said (repeatedly) in my most recent post, I really enjoy the holiday season, but the weather in our usually fairly snowy state was putting a damper on the enthusiasm. Finally, we got a big dump, and as I write this I'm in my cozy living room at our place in the mountains, looking out at a very snowy day with near blizzard conditions at times.
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The one upside to my generally reduced level of activity is that I’m not doing much to earn my usual holiday-induced corrections over my wife’s knee. Though, it’s not like I’ve been a Christmas angel. She’s noted a few instances of disrespectful comments, including a couple that I would probably agree should result in a good spanking, especially in a season that includes consequences for making it onto a naughty list.
Hence I was already thinking about the season and owning up to bad behavior and my current physical condition precludes any real disciplinary spanking session for at least a few more weeks. Anne had even made a couple of passing references to the Krampus legends, which are all about consequences and punishing bad behavior at Christmas time, so maybe it’s on her mind, too.
That was the mindset I was in when I saw this comment from Ward on the post from a couple of weeks ago:
“How do you deal with knowing you deserve a severe spanking because you upset her and complained about her to her face, but she chooses to delay or worse not punish you for it? I hate it in a way! Not getting spanked when it's deserved is worse than getting spanked when you don’t think it's deserved. Don't get me wrong, I hate how much her paddle stings, but I think I hate the guilt more. Maybe I wanted this lifestyle to absolve me not just correct me? She did say I deserved a spanking so maybe it's just delayed to prolong my suffering. Either way this sucks.”
I responded that I know that feeling all too well. There have been many, many times over the years that I was feeling guilty and/or felt a strong need to be held accountable. Often in those circumstances, Anne would tell me I was going to be spanked.
Yet, it was all too often the case that it didn’t happen.
Sometimes, it was mostly on her. She’d get busy and forget. Or, sometimes she wouldn’t think to punish things that I saw as clearly deserving it. My recent displays of attitude are a good example. This time, the lack of correction might be attributable to my physical condition, but the reality is that, for whatever reason, Anne seldom spanks for general attitude for even for disrespect directed at her.
Unfortunately, I too play a big role in this dynamic. Even when I know I deserve a good, hard spanking, and even when I fully accept I should get one, once it looks like one is actually in the cards, I will say or do something to delay my well-deserved licking; and, delay all too often becomes successful avoidance.
I’m sure many of you have experienced the scenario I just described, though it’s a psychological dynamic that I have a hard time explaining rationally.
I genuinely don't like being spanked. There is nothing at all about the experience that I enjoy as it is happening. Yet, like Ward, I often have this need, which he calls absolution and that I tend to call accountability. When I've done something that falls below my own standards of behavior or when something I do has some big negative impact on myself or others, part of me craves being held accountable for it. To the point that I’ve felt disappointment, and even resentment, when she doesn't carry through with punishing something that we've agreed should result in strict discipline.
Yet, once she does order it, I almost instantly start hoping she will forget all about it, and I will try all sorts of ways to delay it or get out of it. Then, on those occasions when I think I’ve gotten away with avoiding a bad one, if she unexpectedly announces that it’s time for what I’ve known I have coming, and just a few minutes before was disappointed about not getting, instantly I wish there was something I could do to put it off or avoid it altogether!
It seems to make no sense. The closest situation I can equate it to in my vanilla live might be equate some kinds of physical exercise. I sort of want to do it, and I know it would be good for me. But, when the time comes to head for the gym, I sometimes have a hard time making myself do it. But, if I skip a session, I inevitably feel angry at myself.
But, that situation is way less complicated than the psychology around why we both crave and seek to avoid discipline and why we feel resentment when a delay happens even if we genuinely do want to avoid the spanking.
We’ve talked about these delay/avoidance impulses many times before, and we’ve talked a lot about our desire for consistency in our DD relationships. But, I don’t think we’ve talked much about Ward’s specific issue, i.e. how we feel about and deal with the situation in which we know we deserve a spanking, and think we have one coming, yet for whatever reason it doesn’t happen.
How do you feel in that situation? Disappointed? Resentful?
Or, is it more like relief at having avoided something you knew was going to be very unpleasant?
Also, when a spanking has been earned and perhaps even ordered, what are the most like reasons that it doesn’t happen?
In the past, there were times when Anne simply forgot all about it. She was a busy woman and lots of other things on her mind, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. There has been a fair amount of progress on this one over the last year.
Other times, there is a clear recognition that a rule has been broken, but it seems like her commitment to addressing it is sort of low. A good example is my bad habit of leaving doors unlocked or not making sure the garage door is closed before I come inside or take off on an errand. It’s one of her pet peeves, and she agrees she should spank more often for it, yet when she sends me an angry text saying I did it again, it may or may not be accompanied by a spanking threat, and even when it does there often is no follow-through. This happens even though I know she really does get mad when I forget or am careless about the doors; it just doesn't seem to connect sometimes that she has the power to make it stop happening.
Another issue, and one that is on me, is there are times that I feel a need to be held accountable but it’s not clear that she knows I feel that way, in large part because I haven’t told her. The best example probably is carelessness. There are times I do something, or fail to do something, and it ends up costing me a bunch of time and money. I often feel like I should be spanked for those kind of things, both because I do feel a need to be held accountable and also because I think the threat of being spanked would make me pay more attention and be more careful.
Yet, although I will sometimes tell her when I’ve done something careless or dumb, I very rarely take the next step and tell her I should be spanked for it. Why? Part of it probably is that I keep hoping a much more strict side of her will emerge and that she will start taking up the paddle in some situations without me having to suggest it. Basically, part of my desire for DD is about wanting to give up control, and that desire isn’t served by me controlling my discipline by initiating it like that.
But, there’s also that maddeningly inconsistent, push-pull desire for discipline coupled with an equal and opposite desire to avoid it. In the end, I just have a very hard time actually asking for discipline even when I deserve it and (kind of, in that moment) want it, or even reporting something in a way that I know will "lock in" getting a spanking for it.
I don’t know if that is what Ward experiences, but one follow-up question I have for him is how clear he has been with his wife in these situations where he knows he deserves to be spanked but she fails to deliver it. I wonder whether our wives even know that when an ordered spanking doesn't happen what many of us feel is disappointment, not relief? If I were in their position, I'd probably see relief as the more likely reaction, so maybe we need to make a special effort to explain to them what is really going on inside our heads. Maybe they even think we appreciate it when they err on the side of leniency, when it's really the opposite?
I feel like there should be some concrete ways to avoid this whole dynamic where we know we need to be punished but it doesn’t happen. Maybe part of it is simplifying the rules, so there is no confusion about when a spanking has been earned?
But, of course, that isn’t wholly consistent with the “anytime for any reason” approach some of us say we want.
Maybe frequent check-ins and reporting would help? It undoubtedly would, but in my case, it would require more consistency on my part is self-reporting or affirmatively asking to be spanked for something.
Ideally, there would be a way for us to encourage our wives to become more strict, but I’m not sure what to do beyond reiterating that strictness is something I want and need.
What are your thoughts about all this?
I hope you have a good week. I’m going to spend some of it trying to conjure up some more holiday spirit. Maybe I’ll watch a few Christmas movies, though some of them hit a bit differently now that I’m a cynical adult.
Finally, we seem to have lost a couple of our most reliable regulars lately, including Alan who definitely wins the award for most reliable long-term contributor. I’m not complaining – I just hope everything is OK with him, and with Al who has also been silent for a while.
I know this feeling well. Over time it's led to me feeling resentment and wanting to give up on DD altogether.
ReplyDeleteI think it's due to the emotional roller coaster that an announced spanking puts me on: the excitement to "knowing" that a painful spanking is coming in the near future, the constant anticipation, wondering, and dread thinking it's about to happen, the relief that it didn't happen when I thought it would, and then the disappointment that it never took place.
After that happened multiple times, and over multiple months, the resentment set in and I didn't even want my wife to bring up spanking anymore. It also led to me having more of a problem with her being in-charge (eventhough I know one shouldn't be dependent on the other). We've talked about it multiple times. And although she says she likes being in-charge and spanking me, it just wasn't happening.
It has gotten better. I've taken a more active approach and asked to be spanked for a recent incident--which I hate to do--and she did follow through after a couple of days. She seemed to enjoy doing it, and has gone back to talking about spanking me more frequently, but we've been down this road before.
Tom
An emotional rollercoaster is a good way to put it. I go through that exact same sequence you describe, though when I "know" a spanking is coming, the emotion is excitement. It's more like an anxiety.
DeleteAlthough most of us have the fantasy of a wife who completely takes over and drives the process, very often that fantasy doesn't become reality, at least at first. I think the only solution is to do what you did, i.e. take a more active approach yourself, even if that comes at the expense of the desire to give up control. I love the DWC website, but one aspect of many of the stories that just isn't very realistic is the wife learns about DD and instantly goes into full-blown dominant mode. It's a process.
My wife often delays a spanking for days . I will even remind her by reminding her that we have 'unfinished business' but she usually responds that she'll take care of it when she's ready but often so much time passes that it's just forgotten.
ReplyDeleteOne technique that sometimes works is I just tell her that I'm taking a shower and she can deal with me before I get dressed and usually she will be sitting on the bed waiting for me but not always.
This sometimes works also if I remind her about the spanking when we're getting ready to go out and ask her to do it before I get dressed.
It is quite frustrating though that I often have to remind her or take the initiative as for me I just want to get it over with and from that aspect am sort of excited and looking forward to the event.
For me, that's the big problem with a long-ish delay. It's not the delay itself; it's that it often ends up begin forgotten entirely. Though, a delay that goes on and on can still be a problem, because my sense of guilt and disappointment in myself has a shelf life. For fairly pedestrian offenses, after a couple of days, I'm over it. For more serious offenses, guilt might last four or five days, but it tapers off very quickly from there.
DeleteI agree that getting rid of that guilt is an important factor but also the desire to get it over with and not always preoccupied by always thinking about it.
DeleteYeah, I experience that too.
DeleteI'll try to answer Dans question! It's very hard for me to ask for a spanking with one exception. The other day I said something so disparaging and disrespectful to her that she teared up and was visibly upset with me. I should have asked her to spank me then but like a coward, I waited till the next morning and then we talked about my recent attitude and behavor towards her. I did get the spanking that night before bed. Interesting enough it triggered a period of more strictness and I have been spanked twice since for not being attentive and ignoring some of the things she has specifically told me to do. In general I think she sees some things as not big enough issues to spank me for especially when is tired and not in the mood. There are times when I recognize that I should have been more respectful or responsible but fail to point it out because I just can't stand the thought of being paddled again even if I deserve it. Then a few days later or when I do something again that she ignores i get so frustrated and resentful that I will purposely act up hoping she will do something about it. On one occasion she was complaining about my attitude and I got mad and said if you don't like it do something about it and she did spank me long and hard.
ReplyDelete"I should have asked her to spank me then but like a coward, I waited till the next morning . . ." It may be a form of cowardice, but it's one I totally get. For me, it's very, very hard to come out and ask for a spanking. And, it's not really about dreading the spanking itself. It's more about the embarrassment of owning up that I was wrong and that I deserve the spanking.
Delete"On one occasion she was complaining about my attitude and I got mad and said if you don't like it do something about it . . ." Some would criticize this as "topping from the bottom", but I don't have any problem with it at all. When there's been crystal clear communication that the wife is empowered to do something about things like attitude, then it is kind of on her to put an end to it or stop merely complaining about it. That's not to say we don't have an obligation to try to keep our own behavior in line. We do. But, unlike wives who haven't been empowered with something like DD, ours do have the power to deal with things they don't like and if the choose to instead stew in resentment, that's kind of on them.
I don't think there is anything wrong asking for a spanking when you really need one. I got very drunk last night and feel awful today, if Mrs GoodLife was here (she isn't till later) I would ask her to put me over her knees and spank me until I'm contrite and finally learnt my lesson on drinking and not eating. Actually given the number of times I make the same mistake I should be getting a very sore bottom every night till Xmas Day! Cheers GLM.
ReplyDeleteHate those kinds of days
DeleteWith regard to ordered punishments being forgotten, perhaps the pronouncement of a punishment should trigger some obvious and unambiguous reminders such as you must immediately go pull out an implement and place it on the bed or other conspicuous location. Other ideas could be a fridge magnet turned upside down, or the immediate loss of privileges, clothes, entertainment, basically a pre-spanking “grounding” that clearly alters the status quo and constantly reminds both of you that a punishment is pending would help.
ReplyDeleteThe not receiving deserved punishment is trickier…I resolved long ago to always just say yes when asked “is it time for your spanking” or “do you need a spanking” even if I didn’t particularly want it at that time or felt I “needed” it, because I quickly saw how corrosive it was to her resolve to seem to try to avoid what I’ve asked her to do. Saying no, made it seem like it is a game or that her authority is conditional. That doesn’t really resolve the unnoticed reasons for thinking a spanking is merited, but the only real way I can think of to address that is regular check-ins.
Good luck with your recovery, and hopefully Anne is keeping a tally of things to address when your better.
-3pops
I really like that idea of being required to put out an implement if a spanking has been ordered, or if she's identified a rule as being broken. And, if it were put out in plain sight, it would actually give *her* an incentive to take care of it, as she wouldn't want one on open display in a public part of the house.
DeleteWhen a deserved spanking doesn't happen, for us it's most often because a delay, or lack of a firm schedule for it, turns into it being forgotten entirely or becoming so stale that it's kind of pointless. It's not generally the case that she asks if I deserve one and I say no.
Thanks! I'm definitely ready to get past the phase where I have most mobility and weight restrictions. Luckily, I'm about half-way to the end of this first phase.
Delay and forgetting used to be a problem, but it isn't anymore. About a year ago, we have had some very blunt discussions about our DD, and came up with a somewhat formal statement about our mutual agreements, responsibilities, and desires. My responsibility is to report on my behavior and to let her know about anything she wouldn't approve of. Sometimes I will also put that in my DD journal, which I will read to her in our check in, which we do twice a week. Her responsibility is to let me know if and when she chooses to punish me, and to basically not let me get away with much, and she has the authority to decide if and when I need a spanking. I have also requested she be explicit about letting me know if I will be getting one, using the word "spanking". Like most of you, asking for a spanking is extremely difficult for me, but she spanks me often enough that I seldom need to ask.
ReplyDeleteWe've had a lot of discussions about similar ways to become more consistent, but it's always a work in progress.
Delete
ReplyDeleteThis one strikes a chord for me. It’s probably my biggest peeve when it comes to DD. I really have a problem when I know I’m due and it doesn’t happen. The one difference I have from you Dan, is that I don’t get that desire to get out of it when it’s imminent. If I know it’s deserved, I need and want it right up to the moment when I’m over her knee - the emotional release of the guilt feelings far outweighs the physical pain, regardless of how severe the punishment is. My big thing - as I’ve said before, is getting snappy and snippy without good reason, she calls it my four-year-old coming out. A couple of months ago I had an episode of this that - of course - I really felt bad about afterwards. I think there may have been some vague mention of a punishment but after a couple of weeks, I brought it up myself, she agreed it was needed and decided to do it right then. This was severe, a long paddling over her knee, hard from the get-go with no warm up. Any time I completely lost the ability to keep still, she’d stop, let me regain my composure and reposition myself properly, then start again. This must have happened three or four times. Then this paddling was immediately followed by bending over for a pretty serious caning, leaving me pretty cut up and feeling it for a while. As severe as it was, I knew before, during and after that it was exactly what I needed and deserved, and never wanted to get out of it. I remember having an even worse incident a little over three years ago that was never addressed, it took me a long time to let that go and cope with not being punished for it. It’s not as if I haven’t had punishments since and it’s ancient history now, but if she ever decided to deal with it now, I’d be on board - and even grateful. TG
I kind of wish I was like you and held onto the guilt longer. It really does help process that DD is meant to be punishment when you still feel a strong need to be held accountable for something.
DeleteThat thing with getting snippy is a big problem for me, too.
We’ve been pretty consistent for years with a spanking happening on average every 10 days or so. Yes, there ha been many ‘missed’ punishments which are frustrating in that those misses undermine the solidity of the DD commitment. And she will quite often choose the punish me in more ‘conventional’ ways - withdrawing, arguing, etc. as she has explained, it is hard as a ‘non-spanko’ to see spanking as the resolution
ReplyDeleteSorry, TB here and I hit ‘post’ too soon!
ReplyDeleteAs the resolution of all misbehaviour.
That consistency, even though some way from ‘perfect’ has meant that I have been assured of a ‘catch all’ spanking on a regular basis. Like many here the ideal is that the crime is followed by immediate punishment.
However in the past few months that level of consistency has ebbed away for a number of reasons - ill health, family pressures, etc. - with a noticeable impact on our overall relationship. We had a deep conversation a few weeks back and one of the things that came up was that she felt the pressure to be judge, jury and executioner too much at those time when it was most needed. We have agreed to lessen that pressure by agreeing a very simple 5 point set of rule / expected behaviours which I self score on a weekly basis. Yes we have tried this kind of approach before but this time it feels different in that we have jointly agreed and kept is simple. So far so good and my behaviour has definitely stabilised ( remarkable how impactful the scoring of my own behaviour can be, knowing the consequences). TB
Every 10 days for years is definitely very consistent and much more often than our average.
DeleteI can understand how a wife might feel a lot of pressure from being the exclusive judge/jury/executioner all in one. When we first started DD, we had a system that sounds similar to what you're describing. We had a list of offenses, with points assigned to each, and I had to tally them up and report on a weekly basis. I think it did play a major role in getting our DD off the ground.
when my misbehavior has gone completely unmentioned, that has led to resentment and like all my good behavior was for nothing. But like recently i messed up and was told i'd be really getting it, and at the last minute i was let off with a warning, and i've never been so grateful in my life. - JS
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've thought of it that way, but I do see how it could seem like if bad behavior isn't mentioned then that does seem to diminish the good behavior too.
DeleteOne of our commenters, T, sent me an email saying that he can't get pass the "adult content" permission screen. When he clicks on the button saying he wants to proceed, nothing happens. I remember having this problem myself several months ago, but I don't recall whether I actually found some fix or whether it just started working again. Any ideas?
ReplyDeleteI had to scroll down a lot to be able to click on the sign in
ReplyDeleteHello! Happy holidays everyone! This topic hangs heavy on my shoulders right now. A little over 2 weeks ago Lauren and I were traveling internationally to meet up with family and enjoy Thanksgiving together. The trip was short (a week) and behaving while enjoying family has been an issue for me pre-DD/FLR and still can be although never as badly as before the Dynamic. My behavior on the trip was very good. My drinking however was not and on Thanksgiving Day evening I got in to BIG trouble. We had enjoyed a festive day that involved lunch at a pub and several beverages followed by cocktails before a church singing with live music and Hot Toddies. I got a look from Lauren as I drank the hot whiskey and when someone didn’t want theirs and handed it to me I got a very serious look and a pinch as She shook Her head NO! I became DEFIANT! I said “no, not tonight, just let it go, STOP!” And I proceeded to drink the beverage. I continued through dinner having a glass of wine and after dinner drink. My overall behavior remained agreeable and even festive. I was maybe a little Sloppy but nothing overt. Two days later we were home and alone and I thought I had it coming in a huge way. I certainly deserved it and I knew it. Open Defiance is not consistent with our agreed upon Dynamic and is a major offense. Well…She brought back a nasty cold and didn’t feel like doing anything about it. Three days later I was sick too. It’s now been over 2 weeks and we are both feeling much better and still nothing. Our weekly check in is tomorrow, Sunday…the previous 2 were skipped due to sickness. If the offense had been trivial this would probably be forgotten. We are feeling much better and I’m sure it will be addressed in the morning. My feelings of guilt are even more pronounced since I have had 2 weeks to think about how insolent and defiant I had been. Also, since there has been no discipline I have slipped back in to a mode where being Snippy and raising my voice to her has returned…a little still nothing like our old arguments. I tend to catch myself quickly and apologize these days. Still…I wish that She had just pushed through a couple of weeks ago when my Defiance and disobedience was still fresh on Her mind. Not that the punishment won’t be brutal and long with plenty of scolding…it will be that. I have been a little bratty and raising my voice to her has happened more often and I can’t help but think that has happened because deep down I feel like I got away with something. The anticipation of knowing that it could come at any time has been anxiety inducing. I do think the need for absolution plays a part as well. I feel a lot of guilt when I do something that is so clearly in violation of our FLR/DD agreement…Defiance, Disobedience, Failure to Submit are all examples of behavior that is intolerable and must be dealt with in the most severe way…I am wondering now though if the delay is a big part of the punishment. If it had come more immediately then my psyche would have avoided the Delay part of the punishment. Sometimes I think She knows exactly what She is doing!
ReplyDeleteHi Jackson! Good to hear from you.
DeleteThat scenario raises so many issues for me around alcohol, socializing, and whether there should be some "statute of limitations" on a punishment spanking.
For me, there have always been two issues with alcohol, and they don't necessarily lead to the same approach where DD is concerned. First is the behavioral impact. I'm never an angry drunk, but I can get mouthy or just not thin before I say something. But, at things like parties, I usually act pretty well even after several drinks. And, cutting me off when others are not only drinking as much as me or more but sometimes doing things like walking around refilling glasses or encouraging people to do a drink together can definitely cause me to feel a lot of resentment. It just feels gratuitous and needlessly controlling. That became an issue for us a few years ago around the holidays, because Anne liked to go to an annual Christmas Eve party put on by a friend of hers. I get along fine with the husband, but it's really Anne's friendship connection, not mine. They are big boozers and encourage everyone around them to drink. At one such event, Anne tried to cut me off after like three, and after it was over, I finally told her that if she was going to drag me along to get-togethers with her boozy friends, it wasn't fair to impose a totally different set of rules on me than the rest of the crowd was doing, so she could either lighten up or just go by herself. I do think that most of the time there should be some linkage between booze and behavior, meaning if you are behaving well, then what's the point of imposing some arbitrary restriction.
BUT, for me there also is the issue that after a prolonged party or drinking get-together, I often feel like shit the next day and ask myself why I didn't rein it in. By setting some limit, Anne is kind of looking out for my own self-interest, regardless of how I am behaving.
For us, these competing values--wanting to be able to socialize freely with friends who drink but recognizing I do have bingeing issues and that there are health and wellbeing consequences--has led to a lot of back and forth about what the rules around alcohol should be. I can't say we've ever landed in a place that really works, maybe because those competing values just aren't really reconcilable.
The issue of delay is also a complicated one for me. On the one hand, I do think my behavior on certain things--especially "smaller" things like leaving doors unlocked and other forms of carelessness--might improve if I knew that every single time it happened a spanking would result, even if there was a substantial delay. The problem is, unlike it seems for you and for some others here, there really is a time limit for me on how long I'm going to hang onto guilt about something, and once the guilt is gone, the whole "accountability" rationale for DD plummets for me. But, should that matter? There is an aspect of DD that is all about punishment and about imposing consequences so something doesn't happen again, i.e. behavior modification, and I don't know whether that part really depends on me having my need for accountability satisfied. Maybe the fact that it does feel like something I don't want and am not into because of the passage of time makes it even more of a real punishment??
Complicated stuff.
Maybe the fact that it does feel like something I don't want and am not into because of the passage of time makes it even more of a real punishment??
DeleteYes!!! And it strongly reinforces the power exchange dynamic with you and Anne emphasizing that the if and when is Her decision and not yours. My anxiety since I was so Defiant has been off the hook, because I know I have it coming and totally deserve it…but the deserve part does wane over time for me as well. I know it’s coming in the morning. She feels better…almost well and so do I. I asked her tonight if we could just skip the unpleasantness and just have the fun part(sex), and She was adamant “Absolutely not”. I appreciate the accountability, but am genuinely dreading the thrashing and yet still craving the absolution of guilt for having undermined Her authority in such a blatant and egregious manner….Yes complicated stuff. On the one hand I am clearly turned on by power exchange and on the other since I am in a relationship of consensual non-consensual Real Punishment spanking I truly dread what is going to happen in the morning…even to the point of interfering with sleep. I don't sleep well anyway and this is not going to help…but I digress…Yes very complicated stuff.
I definitely understand being turned on by the power exchange while genuinely dreading the punishment itself. I also sympathize re: the lost sleep. I've always been a terrible sleeper.
DeleteOn a related topic I felt pretty resentful this morning when she announced that she felt I was ‘slipping’ and that I needed a strapping to stop the decline… this was only 2 days after I submitted my weekly report which was the best for some time. I felt I should be allowed have an ‘off day’ occasionally especially when my behaviour did not affect her. Her view was that I had broken one of our rules and so I was to be punished. And so I was. And I felt resistant and sulky throughout. I have often felt that a strapping under those conditions hurts a lot more. No idea why except that my resistance. Ramps it up … TB
ReplyDeleteI've had that happen to, where being emotionally resistant to it makes it hurt more.
DeleteHow do you think you'll feel a few days from now? Still sulky? Turned on that she gave it to you because she was in control and you weren't? Something more neutral?
Interesting…The few times that I genuinely felt that I did not deserve it I submit, but voice that I feel it is not deserved and then I man up through it and refuse to give Her the satisfaction of any squirming, yelping or reaction. I just lay there quietly and take it until She finally stops….And yes i do think it hurts more. After the punishment I have still thanked Her and told Her that I did deserve it…even if I really feel that I did not. For me it is a lot about honoring the Dynamic and my agreement and commitment to it. After all, it was not easy for me to convince Her to try this lifestyle…it was my idea and I did ask for it.
DeleteThat's an interesting way of dealing with it.
DeleteMy ‘sulk’ only lasted a couple of hours I asked for this and mostly she gets it right and she was probably right even this time as I have often said to her to be more strict will make her role as disciplinarian easier. It’s what I’ve wanted even if it’s not what I wanted at the time… TB
DeleteWhen we miss a spanking, I often think I should've made her day easier. She needs free time and energy to make the switch to disciplining as part of her planned day. That said, I also think I should've communicated my deep need for the accountability and for the physicality of spanking so she would've made it more of a priority. This might sound wrong to say, but I do want her to sacrifice a bit to discipline me.
ReplyDeleteI suspect part of the problem is that someone who isn't attracted to being disciplined this way probably can't really understand why we see missing a spanking as a problem. They probably assume we think it's a relief to get out it.
Delete