Communicating an Impending Spanking and Ensuring it Happens (The Club - Meeting 538)

“One person's embarrassment is another person's accountability.” - Tom Price

Hello all. Welcome back to The Disciplinary Couple’s Club.  Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, a Domestic Discipline relationship.

 

I hope you all had a good week.  Mine was, once again, pretty uneventful.  Wrapped up some Christmas shopping. Hours and hours spent doing physical therapy exercises.  The days begin to blend . . .

 

We did go to one party. Unlike many parties in Christmas seasons past, I did a good job of keeping alcohol and behavior under control.  But, I did have a nightcap or two when I got home. That habit of extending drinking after I get home from an event was something I made a lot of progress on earlier in the year, but I seem to be backsliding.  It's going to be high on the list of things I’d like Anne to devote some proactive attention to in 2026. This time, it wasn’t really excessive in the scheme of things, but it was enough to make me feel tired today, and it was just kind of pointless. 

 

Ordinarily, I might be secretly hoping she would do something about it, but the reality is I’m probably a couple of more weeks away from healed up enough for a resumption of DD to be realistic. But, I do think getting 2026 off to a strict and stern start would be a good resolution for Anne this New Years.

 

Though, other than that small bit of bad behavior, so far this holiday season has been so boring, I’m almost feeling like I need to do something to try to put myself on the naughty list!

 

 

It's been a little quiet here on the forum.  (Multiple weeks with no comment from Alan, which is very atypical. I hope he’s OK.) But, thank you to those of you who did participate, despite the busy holiday season.  One problem with a relative dearth of comments is I have even less to work with when it comes to topic generation. But, after wrestling to come up with one most of the weekend, I was finally able to string two different comments together in a way that seems minimally fitting for a topic of sorts.

 

When discussing delayed spankings and deserved spankings that end up not happening, I was intrigued by this advice from 3pops:

 

“With regard to ordered punishments being forgotten, perhaps the pronouncement of a punishment should trigger some obvious and unambiguous reminders such as you must immediately go pull out an implement and place it on the bed or other conspicuous location. Other ideas could be a fridge magnet turned upside down, or the immediate loss of privileges, clothes, entertainment, basically a pre-spanking “grounding” that clearly alters the status quo and constantly reminds both of you that a punishment is pending would help.”

 

I really like that first part about putting an “unambiguous reminder", i.e. a spanking instrument, in a “conspicuous location.”  We haven’t really done anything like that in the past, perhaps because having kids around for so many years inhibited that kind of thing. But, I can see how that could have huge potential to increase our consistency.

 

The reason I find the prospect of leaving a spanking instrument on open display as a reminder so compelling is two-fold. 

 

First, although we do leave a bath brush and hairbrush on open display in our master bathroom, those aren’t really “unambiguous” spanking instruments.  In fact, I suspect that one reason we are both OK with them being out all the time is because, while their prominent display on the bathroom counter might tip off a spanko, to anyone without that proclivity they are going to look perfectly innocent.  

 

So, for me, the “unambiguous” reminder instrument would have to be something like a paddle or purpose-made strap, i.e. something that is unambiguously a spanking tool.

 

Second, to serve its purpose of preventing lengthy delays and avoided consequences, I would interpret “conspicuous location” to mean out in the open, in a room that a visitor would be likely to enter, such as the kitchen or the foyer at the entrance of the house. 

 

Maybe it’s on the small table that guests would see the moment they enter the house. Or, maybe it’s laying on the kitchen table.

 

To me, the belt doesn't quite fit the "unambiguous" requirement, but it depends a lot on the context.

For something really unambiguous, a kitchen chair placed in the middle of another room, with a paddle or brush laying on it, would be about as conspicuous and unambiguous as it gets.

Or, maybe the paddle could be hung on a wall temporarily, in a very open part of the house.

 

The reason I found 3pop’s suggestion so intriguing is it would almost certainly encourage both of us to make sure the spanking happened with as little delay as possible. The critical point would be that the instrument must remain on conspicuous display from immediately after she orders the spanking until it actually takes place.

 

We don’t have random visitors drop by all that often, but one of our adult kids does come by regularly and we do get other visitors from time to time.  And, given that Anne is probably more hung up on confidentiality than I am and is also the one who is in control of the timing of carrying out her spanking orders, the prospect of someone seeing a paddle out in plain sight would certainly provide an incentive to her to carry out the sentence sooner rather than later, and it might encourage me to go to her and ask to get it over with were the paddle to be on display for very long.

 

The challenge is, this would all depend on us both taking the obligation to put the paddle out on display seriously and to actually do it, instead of just talking about it.  It feels a little like our self-reporting and check-in efforts, which never seem to fully gel. In an ideal world, Anne would somehow condition herself to be unequivocal in ordering the spanking, and we would have affirmatively agreed that as soon as that happened, I would have to put the paddle out.

Alternatively, if this became a more firmly ingrained thing for us, she could put the paddle out herself, both as an announcement that I'm in for one and that it will be happening very soon.  Imagine how my heart would jump were I to walk into the house and see a paddle laying on prominent display in a public area.

 

But, it's at that initial communication stage where things are likely to break down, and it brings me to the other reader comment I wanted to highlight.  A couple of weeks ago, Norton said:

 

“When I first saw the DWC site and learned about the concept of submitting willingly to your wife's authority for discipline, it was definitely a turn on. However, I never suspected it would be more than a powerful fantasy for me. I didn't know of any women that were into F/M spanking, and aside from one couple, still don't. If memory serves, Aunt Kay's advice to wives was something like, "The harder and the more often you spank him, the more he will love you for it". While I wanted and needed to be spanked, I was still a long way from wanting my wife or life partner to actually have the authority and willingness to hold me accountable. How things have changed! Now I actually self-report any behavior of mine that I know my partner would not approve of. I have encouraged her to hold me accountable as soon as possible whenever I break a rule, and she has become much better at doing that. I have also encouraged her to use the word "spanking" instead of using a euphemism, and to please let me know when to expect punishment. An example of how that is different now than it used to be would be, is something like her saying ‘you are in trouble because you left the stove on’ vs ‘you left the stove on again, so I am going to give you a spanking in 5 minutes. Go set things up and wait for me.’”

 

It sounds like Norton is a lot better at self-reporting than I am, and his partner has worked with him to hold him accountable as soon as possible and not let things linger.   

Moreover, he’s encouraged her to use very tight, concrete language in order a spanking, including expressly stating that he will be spanked and assigning a time for it to happen.

 

The problem for us is that even when Anne is angry, she tends to phrase things more like Norton’s “you are in trouble” example than his, “I am going to give you a spanking in five minutes” one.  In fact, often it’s even more ambiguous.  A real-world example would be when she comes home and finds that I once again failed to lock the house when I left.  It’s typical in that scenario for her to send me a text about it, but it’s often no more than a picture of the unlocked door accompanied by an angry emoji.  In other cases, she may tell me I’m in trouble for something, or point out something I’ve done that violates an established rule, but the communication doesn’t include a clear statement that I’m going to be spanked.

 

For 3pops’ suggestion to really work, it would require the kind of definitive communication Norton is talking about. Something along the lines of, “You left the door unlocked again. I have to run some errands, but I’m going to spank you for it when I get home.” In an ideal world, she would add, “Put the paddle out,” though I think if we had established the rule that I would do so every time she has actually ordered a spanking, I would comply.

 

This isn’t so much one topic as a series of questions raised by 3pop and Norton’s comments as a series of mini-topics with the uniting theme of quality communication around ordering a spanking and how the quality of the communication influences whether the spanking actually happens and/or happens on time.

 

First, what did you all think of 3pops’ suggestion?  Were any of you intrigued, as I was?  Have you done anything like that?  Is there any requirement in your DD relationship that you do something like putting an instrument out when a spanking has been ordered?  Do you think something like that might help with consistency and ensuring that spankings are carried out soon after the offense?

 

Second, when your wife indicates you are going to get a spanking, is it like Norton’s succinct and firm, “I am going to give you a spanking in 5 minutes” or, rather, something much less definitive like, “You’re in trouble. . . .” Is her announcement clear and concise, or does it leave room for interpretation as to how committed she is to delivering it and doing so on a certain timeline?  What have you found to be particularly effective when it comes to communicating to you that you are in for a spanking?

 

Third, what about the word “spanking” and its equivalents, versus some kind of softer euphemism?  Like Norton, I do kind of gravitate toward the word “spank”, though “paddle” also carries similar weight for me.  And, I’m sure I would respond to some of the classic spanking phrases, like, “I’m going to blister your butt for that.” The important thing to me is that the order that it is going to happen is unequivocal.

 

I hope you all have a great week.  Get that Christmas shopping finished, or Krampus may have to pay YOU a little visit!