"I was better after I had cried, than before--more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.” - Charles Dickens from Great Expectations
Hello all. Welcome back to the Disciplinary Couple’s Club. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are in, or would like to be in, Domestic Discipline relationships. I hope you all had a great week.
Mine was pretty good, though not without some spanking-related angst. In my last post, I related a recent incident in which Anne spanked me for not locking doors and closing the dog door when I left the house. As I discussed, I was sore for several days. Though, apparently, not quite sore enough to get the message across fully. A couple of days after that spanking, I ended up having to leave the house unexpectedly for a quick overnight trip to cover something that neither Anne nor I had on our calendars. I dropped whatever I was doing, packed an overnight bag, and headed out. In doing so—I’m sure you all know where this is going—I forgot about the dog door, again. When I got home, she sent me a text with picture of the open door. My heart jumped, because my ass really was very, very sore from the last session. Well, as it turned out, I somehow avoided the spanking I was sure I had coming, though she did comment on it at least once during the week. And, to cap it off, near the end of the week, I left in the middle of the day and left the front door unlocked.
Now, one could surmise that I just didn’t take the first spanking seriously, but that’s really not the case. Sometimes, it just takes a while for an unwanted but somewhat unconscious behavior to become “front and center” in your conscious mind. My favorite story on the DWC website is Even More, which describes a couple getting started with DD. The husband asks the wife to try such a relationship, they agree to a list of offenses, and he promptly forgets to comply with the rule against leaving the toilet seat up, resulting in his very first bare-bottomed disciplinary spanking.
When his wife brings the offense to his attention and orders a spanking, his first reaction is to try to talk to his way out of it, objecting that he had been distracted and just forgot about the new rule. While understandable, she doesn’t let him off the hook. Honestly, that was kind of how I felt about both offenses this week, though the first was more defensible than the second. The first really did involve something where I rushed out to cover something that neither of us saw coming, and I left only the dog door open, not the front door. I really felt like I had rushed out to cover something that I hadn’t even known about, so the oversight was understandable. But, on the other hand, it’s also simply a fact that she is plainly making this one of her priorities, and I am going to have to figure out a way to remember it or risk back-to-back spankings.
It’s one of those things that kind of brings home the reality of an FLR or “real” DD relationship. I handed over authority to her. She is now starting to exercise it and doing so on an issue that is important to her but not to me. But, I can either choose to get on board with her priorities or get a painful spanking until I do so. I really do have a sense of my autonomy being curtailed in a significant way. And, it’s bringing to the fore the classic contradiction of DD from the disciplined husband’s perspective – I don’t really like being told what to do; I hate being spanked, and I really hate being spanked on an already sore bottom; but, her exercising her authority in a way that I’m not fully aligned with makes that exercise of pure power all the more erotic.
Anyway . . . on to this week’s topic. It’s an offshoot of something ZM brought a couple of weeks ago, noting:
By the way, one of the most interesting things I have noticed is that we have had openness as a theme or at least a subtheme for quite a bit of the last year. It keeps coming back. Yet even so, we keep finding new angles on it, like last week it was kind of how it might affect the witnessing party. It makes we think we could take almost any topic, like tears, and go for a lot longer than you would expect before running out of new insights.
It is interesting just how often our discussion spins off into various tangents regarding openness and others knowing about our DD lifestyles. It’s clearly a topic that holds a lot of fascination—morbid or otherwise—for our little group. I don’t have anything else to say about it this week, though I did coincidentally come across this Paula Meadows drawing on the subject. The look on recipient’s face is priceless!
But, while I’m happy to continue to talk about openness to the extent people have something new to say about it, instead of trying to come up with something new to say about it myself, I’d like to take up the other repeat topic that ZM called out – tears.
As long-time readers know, this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. In fact, when I try to put my finger on what exactly it was about The Disciplinary Wives Club that hit me so hard, I’ve always thought it was the prevalence of tears in so much of the advice and in so many of the stories. For example, in her Tips & Methods section, Aunt Kay advised:
When handling discipline issues be firm but fair, strict, demanding, aloof and unyielding. Don't be afraid to degrade and humiliate, and above all, when that bare bottom is turned upside down across your knee waiting for the paddle or hairbrush, don't disappoint him. When you let him up, his eyes should be wet with tears, his knees should be quivering, and it should be obvious by looking at his bottom that he is displaying the marks left after a GOOD session.
Similarly, in the very first fiction story on the website, at the beginning of their very first disciplinary spanking the wife announces:
Now this is going to hurt more than you can imagine. I am going to give you a much longer and harder spanking than any you have ever had. I won't stop until you are crying, but don't worry. I won't stop when you start crying.
Then, this interaction during the course of that first spanking:
"Now be a good boy and don't try to resist. It will be better for you if you don't. " Smack, whap, whack, the spanking continued, and I began to cry, I mean really cry; I had been begging for mercy for several minutes, but now I was in tears. "Good boy" I heard, "You are crying. I like that. " Becky continued to spank me, it seemed harder than before. I wasn't resisting anymore. I was lying over her knee, accepting what she felt must be given without movement or plea. I don't know how much later it was, perhaps two or three minutes of continuous spanks, until she finally stopped.
Then, there was this from the story titled Even More, written by our own regular commenter, Al:
David was lost to all but the searing, burning pain of the wood against his skin. He had tried to be strong and resist it, but it was too much. Finally he gave into it. Tears turned to sobs as the paddle continued its seemingly unending dance across his severely tormented bottom.
And as David began to sob, Susan decided he had learned what a real spanking was all about. She knew this had been his fantasy, and she also knew that he was surely shocked by the reality of what he had asked for. His bottom was a solid red, spotted with purple bruises. He had kicked and screamed, begged for her to stop, and now was sobbing openly. Certainly, he must have had no idea of the truth behind his fantasy.
Now, these stories appear under the Fiction section of the DWC website. I don’t know how prevalent spanking is in “real life” but here are the stats I got in response to a question I put in a 2018 poll (before Blogger got rid of its polling feature) about commenters’ experiences with crying from a disciplinary spanking:
I have not but want to: 46%
I have not and do not want to: 12%
I have but only a few tears: 17%
I have, including crying hard or sobbing: 22%
For the fifteen or so years that we have been doing Domestic Discipline, I have been among those 46% who have not cried but want to. Or, at least, I think I want to. As I said, I think the prospect of crying was probably the most significant driver of the emotional reaction I had when I first discovered the Disciplinary Wives Club. Although those stories undeniably did turn me on, it was WAY more than that and far more complicated. Stories of men being brought to tears over their wives’ knees fascinated me, but it was morbid fascination. Those stories left me with butterflies in my stomach, though that is a huge understatement. I couldn't sleep. I could think of little else. It really was an obsession, and one I felt like I had to act on. And, the decision to bring it to her attention was one of the most nerve-wracking I’ve ever made because, as I said in response to a comment last week, unlike the character in the Even More story, I didn’t try to pass it off to my wife as just some titillating bit of kink I’d stumbled across. While I’m sure my words wandered all over the place, I think I was reasonably clear that this was something I was asking her to seriously consider doing. In so doing, I was absolutely cognizant that I was asking for something that might result in a very humbling spanking, one that might involve breaking down into real tears. In fact, I was naïve enough at the time to think that my spankings would be exactly like those fictional DWC spankings and that, once taken over her knee, I would at some point surrender to the pain and to her authority and dissolve into heaving sobs. It scared me like nothing else ever had, or has since.
Yet, here we are so many years later, and I still have not cried, even during spankings that plainly fall into the "severe" range. So, while I think the intensity of the spanking matters, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. What are the other pieces? Here are a few thoughts.
First, the last time we addressed tears as a topic ZM made the point that he got there after a spanking in which his wife more or less announced that she wanted to make it happen. It does seem to me that it is far more likely to happen if the wife has announced that she wants it to. Her verbalizing it may be important for a couple of reasons. First, if you’ve been conditioned for some time to accept her authority, I think you are more likely to cry in direct response to that authority being expressly aligned with the goal of bringing you to tears. Second, I would think that her making some pronouncement about it in advance would relieve concerns you might have about whether seeing you cry might scare her off of the entire arrangement.
Second, and relatedly, is the role of embarrassment. The above quote from Aunt Kay makes it clear that, in order to serve its purpose, a spanking probably should be embarrassing. Yet, I have no doubt that the prospect of being really embarrassed is one reason I resist crying. I have to think that a wife announcing she wants you to cry has to take at least some of the edge off the prospect of embarrassment, or at least would make it subservient to the fact that she wants you to cry, even if that does entail wanting you to experience the embarrassment that goes along with having your bottom blistered for bad behavior.
Third, I have become more and more convinced over time that severity/intensity of the swats is probably a very distant second to duration when it comes to getting a husband to really surrender to the spanking and to the whole situation in a way that will open him up to tears. As ZM related after the first time his wife brought him to tears:
I don't think she punished harder than usual, but certainly longer, and plus she had said before that the next punishment would certainly result in tears, so I think she set the stage for it and that helped me to get into the proper state of mind. Anyway, the tears took it to a whole new level of "real" feeling for us.
As I said, fifteen years into this DD relationship, I have never cried. So, I don’t hold myself out as an expert on tears or how one might bring it about. I also don’t have a more focused topic in mind than whatever thoughts any of you may have on crying and tears.
Finally, one housekeeping matter. Google must have implemented some technical
change in its spam detection algorithms, and it seems to be more than a little
klugy. Some comments are being flagged
as spam even though they are from identified commenters, and often with other
comments from that same commenter let through with no problem. There doesn’t appear to be any rhyme or
reason for why a particular comment ends up in the spam folder, and Blogger doesn’t
give any notice when a comment has been identified as spam and is in the folder
awaiting review. So, if you try to
comment and it doesn’t post right away, chances are it was flagged as spam. Hopefully, Blogger will fix the problem soon,
but in the meantime I’ll try to check the spam folder more regularly.