Tips & Methods

Getting Started

One of the topics we have tossed around on the Forum is how to get a domestic discipline relationship started.   Comments are frequently left by men who are not in a disciplinary relationship, would like to be, but cannot figure out how to introduce it to their wives.  They do not believe their wives would agree to it or might see it as too weird or deviant.  While there is no prescription that will work for everyone, there is one thing that should give each of these men hope:  disciplinary relationships that arise within existing marriages seem be initiated most often by the men.  I do not have any objective polling to back up that statement, but it seems obvious from the comments posted on this and other DD-oriented blogs and from the hundreds of  postings on various DD-related group message boards.  I feel fairly confident asserting that the reality of a more  female-dominated, disciplinary relationship very often begins with a conflicted but curious (and not a little courageous) husband finding a way to ask for a serious spanking from a puzzled wife whose initial reaction may range from skepticism to seriously questioning what kind of of pervert she married.  Somehow, they got over that hurdle.  I'm no expert on how other couples did it, but I think one of the keys is being prepared to answer this one question:  "What's in it for me?"

No two relationship--DD or otherwise--are the same.  The path my wife and I followed into DD seems a bit atypical in at least one major respect -- prior to launching into DD, spanking was a very minor part of our sexual relationship and, even more anomalously, I had no pre-existing interest in being spanked hard or disciplined.  Most men in this lifestyle appear to have been fascinated with spanking from an early age.  That was not our course.  We had experimented with light, sexual spankings, but they were never used as real discipline or punishment, until I consciously tried to introduce those kinds of spankings into the relationship.

For me, the turning point came when I came across the Disciplinary Wives Club at  The stories of real, bare-bottomed disciplinary spankings left me fascinated, filled with fear, turned on and terrified.   Fortunately, my wife and I communicated well enough that I could at least talk to her about this "interesting" web site I found.  However, I think raising it as just another conversation piece would not have led to our now decade-long experiment.  Instead, I had to raise it in the context of a conversation that was serious enough to suggest this was something that was more than a fantasy for me and that it was, in fact, something that scared me very deeply but might give us a real tool to deepen our relationship by making her feel happier and more empowered.

As we explored whether this was something she might be willing to try, it became clear that her biggest concern was that that if I "wanted" to be spanked for doing something bad, wouldn't the spanking just reinforce the bad behavior?  My first hurdle was showing her that this wasn't erotic spankings we were talking about.  These were spankings that would leave me chastened, reddened, and possibly in tears.  The goal was to make the paddling bad enough that I would really, really want to avoid another at all costs.  Again, the key was getting her to actually read through the materials on the Disciplinary Wives Club site, so she could see for herself that this was about her taking control in order to get better behavior from her husband and not about satisfying my erotic fantasies.   It was also important that she see that this wasn't about leather and dungeons.  I think the best resource on the site for introducing a skeptical but open-minded wife to this lifestyle was the story "Even More"   under the Fiction Stories section, as it illustrated the motivations that may be going through the husband's mind as he very timidly initiates a discussion about domestic discipline, while highlighting how one wife comes to use very hard spankings to enforce her rules in a very ordinary marital setting.  Unfortunately, the site is now down, which is one reason I am posting this section, as I think this kind of information on how to get started is really needed.

It is important to note that before our first session, my wife and I talked frankly and explicitly about what I hoped this relationship would do for both of us.  I admitted that I often felt like I had to exercise such control and authority in my work life that it became a burden and that while it would be very challenging emotionally, it would almost certainly be good for me to cede some of the authority over my life to her.  I also recognized that my behavior was often hurtful or inconsiderate but, because of the way we were both raised, she did not feel she could do very much about it other than pout and engage in other passive-aggressive behaviors.  The conversation was very much about us consciously deciding to empower her and dis-empower me, in order to bring a sense of balance to the relationship.  I emphasized that she would be able to set the rules and enforce them at will and that, while it would be a struggle for me, I was agreeing as a condition of the new relationship that I had to give in to her discipline, whenever and wherever she chose. And, it was emphasized over and over that the goal was to give her a means to nip bad behavior in the bud, instead of just passively taking it and stewing over it.

Our next hurdle was making discipline a stable part of the relationship, given that neither of us had any pre-existing interest in the lifestyle and, hence, no obsession driving us to keep it up.  Making it a core part of of our relationship involved lots of rules, structure, scheduled sessions, etc.  While utterly lacking in spontaneity, it was a way for us to start thinking about spankings as one of our primary relationship tools.  While so much structure and planning may seem somewhat at odds with the idea of a wife taking control, especially if the husband is driving much of that planning, before Anne could start using spankings spontaneously for real discipline she first had to break down a lot of old limiting patterns and  start thinking of herself as a disciplinary wife.  That meant we had to find ways to provide her with frequent, structured opportunities to decide whether I would be spanked, for how long, how severely, etc.  Some may call my participation in that process "topping from below," but I don't buy into that concept in the context of a disciplinary relationship, especially one in its infancy.  The wife is often coming into that relationship from the perspective of someone who has spent decades in a secondary role.  Growing into something new and more powerful may require lots of communication, planning and support, but you may be surprised at the extent to which your passive partner may transform herself into the guiding force in the relationship.

 So, for those men who think they may want this lifestyle but are not sure how to get their wives to give it a try, here are a few suggestions:

  • Have the heart-to-heart conversation and make it about how you and your behavior impact her life.  Tell her you know you don't always behave the way she wants and that, while you want to do better, old habits are hard to break.  Tell her that helping you behave better will make both of you happier.
  • Introduce her to something like this blog or other relationship-orietned blogs or websites on Domestic Discipline and Female Led Relationships.  Steer her to stories that you think will resonate for HER, not just for you.  Then, leave her alone to explore.  I would advise staying away from blogs and websites that are very FemDom oriented or focus exclusively on spanking and not on the relationship dynamic. 
  • After she is done reviewing and absorbing the materials, have a frank conversation about whether she would be willing to try spanking you in a real disciplinary way.  Emphasize that you know that what you are suggesting will require you both to push well past your comfort zones.  Listen to any concerns she may have and respond honestly to them.
  • Show her that this is not about giving you a sexual thrill.  Tell her that you are handing over the power to her to determine how long and how hard the spanking is delivered, and that you know it will be long, hard and very painful.  Acknowledge that, like her, you won't know what a really disciplinary spanking is like until you try, but you do want to try.
  • Think about a written contract or at least a written set of rules and expectations.  While we did not enter into a written contract, I'm sure it would be helpful for many couples, if for no other reason than to provide a structure for talking about what you want to get out of the relationship and so both of you are clear that number one ground rule is she will be setting the rules and that you have agreed in writing to that shift in the marital dynamic. 
  • If she seems agreeable, strike when the iron is hot.  Instead of waiting for an offense to occur, have her put together a list of things you have done in the recent past that left her feeling angry or hurt.  Then, agree that she will take care of it then and there, or set a date and time.
  • Don't feel confined to using a particular tool or a particular position.  A heavy hairbrush is probably a good start, because it seems so domestic and so far removed from the "whips and chains" that may be a big turnoff for more traditional women.  However, a really solid brush is hard to find.  And, we found that my "lead bottom" required something a little more substantial and, therefore, we quickly graduated to heavy straps and wooden paddles. 
  • Some positions may not work for you, and neither you nor she should worry about that.  For instance, OTK spankings are not a part of our routine, even though they are the gold standard for many couples, as over her knee is an inherently vulnerable position for a man and empowering for a wife.  Unfortunately, for us it just has not been very effective, as it tends to be unstable and she cannot swing with as much force as she would like.  So, after trying it a few times, we quickly abandoned it and move onto other positions. Straps were usually employed with me lying on the bed with pillows under my midsection to elevate my bottom into a more target-friendly position.  For a paddling, "assume the position" usually meant bending over the end of the bed.  Now, punishments are more frequently handled in the basement with me draped over the arm of a couch. 
  • Agree up front that she should err on the side of giving you a very hard spanking.  Tell her that she should have the mindset of giving you the kind of spanking that a very strict parent would have delivered in the olden days to an older son with major discipline problems, i.e. something designed to "give you something to cry about."  Only worse.
  • Once it is over, talk, talk and talk some more.  Ask her how it made her feel.  Ask her whether she felt any surge of power or authority by making you pull down your pants, making you assume the position, making you take whatever degree of punishment she chose to deliver.  I have found that the more I  ask Anne those kinds of empowering questions after a spanking, the more comfortable she becomes  with the premise that "empowered" should be her natural state.  
  • Send her flowers the next day, with a clever and cryptic "thank you" to assure her that even if she leaves you in tears, it makes you love her that much more.
  • Come up with a list of offenses that will definitely get you spanked.  Schedule periodic "check ins" at least once a week to talk about whether any of those offenses have occurred since the last session.  Agree that if any of the offenses took place, you WILL be spanked, period. We agreed that each offense would carry at least a certain number of swats with her big paddle, or at least a certain amount of time under the brush.  She could decide to deliver a more severe spanking any time, but those pre-determined offenses had to be dealt with at least as severely as called for in our express agreement.  We felt that agreeing up front to a very hard spanking for certain offenses would relieve her of some of the "What if I really hurt him" anxiety, while driving home that making me hurt badly enough to not repeat the problematic conduct is the whole idea.  Find ways to build that sort of regularity into your spanking communications and practices.
There is no system that will work for everyone, and I'm sure some wives will simply never be able to see this kind of relationship as anything but deviant.  In fact, I think the only way DD can really succeed is if both parties are open to at least a little deviance, there is already a strong foundation of trust, and there must be a real interest in making the relationship stronger.

Good luck to all those men (and women) who want this kind of relationship and are ready to try to get it.  But, as I've said before, be careful what you wish for.  You just might get it!


So, you have both decided you want a domestic discipline relationship.  After sketching out the framework of your new arrangement, the next step is getting a tool or two to actually make it happen.   It may not be quite as easy as it sounds, as described in the first entry of our User Stories, which is a slightly fictionalized version of my introduction to DD:

           Hair and Bath Brushes

As described, after my wife agreed to try using spanking for discipline, her first order was to buy and bring home an appropriate  hairbrush.

That a hairbrush was her first tool of choice wasn't an accident.  It was the tool of choice recommended on the old Disciplinary Wives Club website, which I had her read when I first broached the topic of domestic discipline, and it is surely the core of many DD fantasies.  The problem is, a heavy wood hairbrush is not so easy to find these days.  I spent well over an hour walking around our local shopping mall, trying to find one.  I finally found one that was serviceable for a first tool, but it was really too light for hard punishment spanking.

But, it got us started.  And, I do believe it is a good beginner's tool. Of course, it was not quite our first spanking implement.  Before we started a true DD relationship, we had experimented a bit with spanking as sex play, using a leather paddle acquired from our local adult "novelty" shop.  While perhaps a good way for true beginners to experiment with erotic spanking, the leather paddle usually is not going to be enough for a real discipline spanking.  But, again, it is a start.

Today, years later, I still have not succeeded in finding a really sturdy, heavy hairbrush.  I have found, however, a few vintage clothes brushes that work pretty well.  Ebay can be a good source for that kind of equipment.  If you're lucky, you might be able to find a vintage, antique wooden hairbrush or clothes brush.  While some people may not like the thought of using secondhand tools, I personally find it intriguing that they may have been used at one time or another for the same purpose you have in mind. And, while I still have not found a really sturdy hairbrush,  I did find a relatively nice brush substitute, through a vendor called Wood Rage.  It is very sturdy and heavier than a normal hairbrush.  While it makes for an effective spanking, it isn't quite as classic as a real brush, and it is quite obviously a spanking implement, as opposed to a real brush that can be left out on a counter in plain sight without raising suspicions.

Oak Hairbrush Spanking paddle

 That ability to leave an implement out in the open is a major advantage to hairbrushes and similar implements.  Once it has been used to deliver a spanking, it your shared secret, your inside joke.   It is an object you can leave sitting out in the open and every time he sees it, he will be reminded of the role you each play.  It did not take us long to graduate to another such tool, and one that proved to be much more effective than the hairbrush.  Namely, a heavy wooden bath brush.  We got ours from the Body Shop.  It was one of those purchases where I swear the sales girl gave me a knowing look as I put it on the counter and tendered my payment.

Click for enlarged view

While it looks innocent enough, a bath brush can be a very serious implement.  While some are flimsy, ours is very heavy and solid, with a long handle that allows for a stronger, more vigorous swing than the hair brush. 


Next, if you are into serious domestic discipline, you are almost certainly going to want at least one larger paddle for more serious punishment, sometimes what we refer to as stand-up sessions." Unfortunately, this is an item that you are not going to be able to find at your local shopping mall or even at most adult "toy" shops.  There are, however, several reliable sources on internet.  Some of the vendors we have used include PaddleWerks, Wood Rage and Spanking Paddles by Walt.  This is an area where I would advise spending the money to get something not only serviceable, but attractive.  It should be made of quality hardwood, such as oak, hickory or walnut.  We have collected several over the years, with our most frequently used is a 22-inch fraternity-style paddle, with holes.  It is displayed below with a few of our other tools: 


You will probably want a few high-quality leather straps for your collection.  They come in almost endless varieties and levels of severity.  The one pictured below is a particularly nasty piece, called a "prison strap", that I actually do not recommend because it is too heavy and difficult to use.  Instead, we tend to use something called the Domestic Discipline Strap, purchased from The London Tanners:

It is about 20 inches long and 2.5 inches wide.  Like most high-quality instruments, it is not cheap.  But, these are tools that will last for many years.

          So you want to get serious?

There may come a point where you decide that your partner needs something to really get his attention.  For that purpose, my wife's personal favorite is the Loopy Johnny, again from The London Tanners:

It looks deceptively innocent -- just a looped piece of leather with a handle attached.  But, I can attest that it is a very nasty piece of work.  Until recently, I considered it to be perhaps the most formidable tool in her arsenal.  That place of honor is now reserve, however, for another deceptively modest looking implement, the Slick Slim, from a vendor called Adam and Gillian:

It is a small tool, only an inch wide, but the business end is made of 1/4-inch thick neoprene rubber, and I just cannot describe how much it hurts.

Many of our readers will also recommend the traditional English cane for serious correction.  You will see several of them in our collection pictured above, though we seldom use them.  As discussed in one of my posts, my wife has just never really been able to get the hang of using a cane for a really serious punishment, and we have essentially given up.  However, there are so many people who testify to their effectiveness, it is definitely worth giving one a try.  One recommended source is an internet shop called Cane-iac.


The sections above list several vendors of implements that we have used personally and had good luck with.  Please understand, however, that I do not have a commercial or other relationship with any of them and I cannot vouch for their quality on an ongoing basis.  I can say that in each case, the order has arrived promptly, and the goods have been high quality and as represented.  They have also been good about communicating promptly by email if there has been any problem with an order, such as a paddle no longer being available in a certain kind of wood.  As noted above, some of these tools are not cheap.  But, choice of material and high-quality craftsmanship shows, as does its opposite.  With any luck, your domestic discipline relationship will last for years, and you want tools that will as well.  Also, I am convinced that a well-made tool is more likely to be a well-used tool, i.e. the disciplinary woman is more likely to look forward to swinging a thick, beautifully crafted antique brush or paddle than some cheap novelty-store, mass produced junk.  Like most things in life, you get what you pay for.


As Aunt Kay of the Disciplinary Wives Club used to say in her Tips & Methods section, "A spanking should be an event to remember."  There is a good reason that those who grew up in homes, or attended schools in certain areas of the country, where corporal punishment was the norm, may have heard some variation on, "You are going to be feeling this every time you sit down for a week."

While disciplinary relationships may (or may not) have erotic overtones, a true disciplinary spanking is not at all the same as an erotic spanking.  It should hurt.  A lot.  The entire point is for it to hurt.  A punishment spanking is just that. Punishment.  It needs to be severe enough that he really wants to avoid a similar experience in the future and that she feels empowered and vindicated.

"But, I'm worried I may hurt him."  Many disciplinary wives have similar reservations, especially in the beginning.  But remember, he has asked for this, in more ways than one.  If a part of him didn't want to be over your lap or draped over the bed waiting for your paddle or strap, he wouldn't be there.  True disciplined husbands have a need to turn over control to you, to submit to your authority, even if it means getting spanked literally to tears.  And, while he may howl and plead during the spanking, part of him not only wants but needs it to be hard.  His biggest fear, and most secret desire, may be that you find that place of power inside yourself that allows you to "Woman UP" and deliver a true disciplinary spanking.  Even one that leaves him heaving and sobbing.  Always remember, he has either asked you to have this kind of relationship, or he has submitted willingly to it.  And, if the spankings are being used for true disciplinary purposes, he should be able to avoid all or most of them by simply improving his behavior.  So, don't feel sorry for him as he wails and pleads. 

Again, as Aunt Kay said,  "When you let him up, his eyes should be wet with tears, his knees should be quivering, and it should be obvious by looking at his bottom that he is displaying the marks left after a GOOD session."  


If you give a disciplinary spanking the way it should be given, the results are likely to show for several days, and he definitely should be feeling it every time he sits down for at least a day or two.  Particularly when you are first starting out, bottoms may easily mark and bruise.  It not only can happen, with a truly disciplinary spanking it almost certainly will.  

Although such marking is a natural part of a disciplinary relationship involving spanking, it may cause some trepidation, particularly on the part of the disciplinary woman.  That "I'm worried about hurting him" thing again.   And, again, you need to remember that if he wants the reality of a disciplinary relationship, as opposed to some femdom fantasy, a bruised bottom is just part of that reality.  Although it may take some getting used to, over time you may both come to see visible marks that last for days as badges of honor flowing to both of you.  To the man for making amends for his transgressions in a very tangible way and for accepting his wife's discipline no matter how hard it may be.  To the woman for caring enough to enforce the rules you have both agreed to.  

One note of caution.  The area that will be on the receiving end of the spanking--his bottom--is close to some very vulnerable areas, particularly the tailbone.  An injury to the tailbone is excruciating and can be very difficult to heal.  While smacks to the back of the thighs may be helpful in bringing about submission in a struggling husband who is finding it difficult to cooperate with his punishment, the spanking should focus on the thick "sit spot" area of his bottom. 

 It should NEVER include the lower back or the very top of the buttocks near the tailbone and spine.  That is why, even though you may later choose to employ more serious implements, building your control and confidence with easily controlled instruments, such as a belt or hairbrush, is preferable in the early stages.   

Power Words

As a Disciplinary Wife gets more and more confident in exercising her power, that power may increasingly be expressed verbally.  Perhaps even publicly.  Conversely, using "power words," words that convey authority and purpose, can help internalize and solidify those powerful feelings.  Here are some suggestions from real-life disciplinary wives.

I'll give you something to cry about.


Did you hear what I said?

Not as sorry as you are going to be.

We will discuss this later.

Bring me the paddle.

Down on all fours and don't get up until I see tears of remorse.

I don't see tears.  Does that mean you need the cane?

So what did he do this time?

I am going to blister your behind.

I am going to set your bottom on fire.

You are going to be much sorrier.

I bet you will be good - after I finish blistering your behind.

I sure hope you won't do it again - God help you if you do.

Stop? (with increduality) Oh no, dear, we're just getting started.

You really should be ashamed that I'm having to paddle your behind like this - will you ever grow up?

Of course it hurts - you should have remembered that before misbehaving again.

There are no limits on my authority to spank you, anytime, anyplace for any reason –got that.

You have a naughty little boy inside you and when he comes out it’s my job to teach him how to behave.

You are going to be severely punished.

Lose it. (referring to a pre-spanking erection)

Do you want me to take you upstairs and pull your pants down?

One more word and I will ...

You are going to get such a sore bottom when we get home.

You just carry on with that attitude, just carry on...

 We are going upstairs now as you definitely need a resetting.

Really?  Really?

I'll take care of that.


You know that's punishable.

You're too smart for your britches, and those britches are coming down.

Assume the position.

Time to bring me the paddle.

I promise this is going to be ass blistering that you won't soon forget - you'll be lucky if you can sit down for the next week."

Now go cut me a switch.

Of course it hurts. It is supposed to hurt.

Our company should be here soon, dear. Time to bring me the paddle so we can make sure you remember to behave.

And you're going to be even sorrier.

Why don't we discuss this at length, on Friday over dinner.


  1. I am presently in the infancy of this kind of relationship. My wife is giving me maintenance spankings every other day; as of yet she has not given me a true punishment spanking. I suggested that maybe she should give me a full on spanking for thirty seconds to start....have to start somewhere. In the end I would love to be made to cry over her knee.
    When we started in to this lifestyle I did a lot of suggesting and guiding. I sent her every article I could find that described what I was looking for................and, of course, I also took care to address any needs, or wants, that she had for this type of relationship. When we first got together, I was the Dom and she the sub. Now the power has shifted to the balance of 80-20 in her favor. This lifestyle has always been my desire and now that I have found my soulmate we are on the journey together. I try to keep out of the DD decision making now,she has gotten good at taking control. I love her with all of my heart and soul.........she is my Goddess!!!

    1. Sounds like a great beginning, David. The crying thing has always been an issue for me. While the thought of doing so always terrifies me because of the loss of control, I also am attracted to it for exactly that reason. Fortunately or unfortunately, it hasn't happened for me.

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  3. I would love maintenance spankings, my wife usually only gives me punishment spankings and they are very very different!

  4. With Me and my wife she want to spank me and make me cry over her knee . The problem is we never have time where we are along in the house ,so we have to deal with a house full of people and when we ask to have the house alone we never get it .Getting a cheap motel room for this would be great only if were not broke all the time too .My wife is afraid to spank me hard and get verbal like she wants too .She wants to be in a punishment spanking style thing and would love to whale on my butt very hard and see and make me cry as I want her to bring out the boy in me .I think when she starts and is doing it she will feel power over me and I need to give my self to her and submit to her fully .I really want her to give me the worst spanking in my life so I know again what a spanking is .

    1. When my husband first shared his long held secret about a spanking he got from my mother at first I thought it a bit strange. But after thinking about it I decided to try to give him what he seemed to need . Now when he does something that violates our rules I give him spankings that make it hard for him to sit for days. Sometimes he pleaded in earnest not to be spanked but I never relent. I have several implements and the more significant the violation the more serious the implement, when he sees the leather strap his eyes widen . I lay it in the bed for him to see before his pants down corner time. Recently he yelled some expletives at a guy on the road, when we got home I washed his mouth with Ivory soap and then used the strap, he won't be cussing soon I am sure

    2. Sylvia, sorry for the delayed response. I hadn't checked this part of the blog in awhile. Welcome!

  5. A possible replacement for a paddle is a cutting board for bread, with a handle, as found in e.g. France. It's basically a paddle without holes. Another is a ping-pong paddle. No need to buy special SM equipment. ;-)

    I also like getting the slipper.

  6. OTK is great but I would love to have a lady spank me in the wheelbarrow position.

  7. I believe that when Dan composed this excellent article, the Disciplinary Wives Club had gone off line. It is now back at a new address: Aunt Kay has semi-retired from her "public role" in the DWC - and the web site is not being updated. However, almost all of the info from the original web site is still there as an archive - Tips and Techniques, Real People stories, fiction stories, etc. This is a good read for those interested in the F/M DD (DWC) lifestyle - a great place for the husband to ask the wife to read if he is asking her to try the lifestyle. --al

  8. sometimes when I am getting a lengthy strapping I rise up to meet the strap and my wife thinks its sexual and then canes me as a further punishment I have tried to explain It is the tempo of the strapping and nowhere near sexual but she wont believe me

    1. I do this to sometimes, not always and it seems to happen more with her brush or wooden paddle than a strap and never with the cane.I am not sure it is not sexual but more it is the physical expression of complete submission and surrender to the punishment.My wife too at first disliked it partly because I raised my bottom so high it interfered with the spanking. But she understands it better now and recognizes it for what it is and that's total acceptance of what is happening.Maybe if you explain that to her , she will come to appreciate it more. One thing that worked for me was pointing out to her it doesn't happen with every spanking and is really a sign that the spanking has been succesful


  9. Not a science by any means---First time---yrs ago I certainly had/have it coming when its got to happen---I just picked up a skinny stick in the shed--quick showered and bent over right out of the shower and she paddled/paddles my bare butt---The skinny stick just lays around in the stuff in the shed until I am going to get paddled---no argument---actually little conversation----just a given we both know at the same time when its got to happen---I guess anyone angry enough to paddle a guy knows to just paddle a bare butt and make it hurt--0-Fior a small women--she reminds me of my football coach when I am bent over getting it!

  10. Hi Dan, I'm an occasional contributor to your excellent blog under an anonymous handle but I always read it assiduously. You should be congratulated in particular for creating an environment where disciplinary women seem to be increasingly finding it as comfortable to make a contribution as their disciplined male counterparts.

    The reason that I'm leaving my remarks here is mainly that they don't quite fit into your current thread and I'd like to offer them in the spirit of food for thought, perhaps at a later date. If you have already covered the subject and I've missed it, apologies for troubling you.

    My wife and I have an absolute female-led marriage, in which physical discipline, normally via a combination of cane and hard leather flogger, plays a central role. She insists on it, not only for my specific faults or infringements of her rules, but also in the general run of things as a time for close communion, as she puts it, when our respective positions in life are re-emphasised and she can ensure that my mind is entirely in the right place. Maintenance, you could call it, but it's somehow more than that.

    When my wife does decide to beat me, it is NEVER as an adjunct or addition to play or as a sop to my (or her) kink. Whether it's punishment or maintenance, it is designed to make a point and to hurt.

    All of which finally brings me to the point - having for many years decided on the number of strokes to be imposed during any session and announced that number to me before beginning the beating, my wife has decided on a change of plan, very recent in its implementation. She now decides on a period of time for each beating, sets up an alarm clock to tell her when that period has expired, and doesn't inform me in advance of how long that period will be. It could be two minutes, five minutes, ten minutes or more, but the idea is that she has absolute control of the pace and duration of the beating, while removing even the minute amount of mental control that I previously 'enjoyed' by at least knowing when it would end.

    Is this something that you and/or your contributors have considered/experienced/utilised? If so, how much more or less effective have you all found it to be? Speaking personally, the psychological aspects of being subject to such treatment have been particularly useful in that the tendency to make assumptions about my wife's wishes and needs is being removed from my mind-set. To her great satisfaction, she feels that I am becoming more attuned to looking to her even more for decisions rather than presuming to exceed my pay grade in any way! So far so good, then, from her point of view and it's a system that she intends to employ indefinitely.

    Thanks for listening and I hope that this may be of interest to you now and of use to you in future subjects for debate. Do feel free to move these comments anywhere that might seem more appropriate to you and please keep up the superb work.



  11. Wife had a craft shop lady make a paddle with my name on it

  12. Just an FYI, ETSY has lots of wooden brushes and paddles. I stick with the brushes so I can leave them in the bathrooms and bedrooms. The natural bristles are great for actually brushing your hair with, which I do and those who know me know I favor and utilize these. Many have also heard me say (referring to the brush) "It also makes a great paddle when I need to swat William (my husband) now and then!" I have punctuated that at times with a single swat to his rear. Those who know me know my sense of humor but they also know I can be very serious at times and there are those who suspect or may suspect that I'm serious.
    My sister for one has asked me, 'You really paddle him don't you?' She'd seen what looks like a vintage paddle called the whoopin stick also bought from etsy. It hangs on a wall in an area that's decorated with vintage country items. I told her I'll never tell but I'll use any tools at my disposal if pushed hard enough.

    I'm able to send a silent message to my husband if guests are over and I'm applying the brush later. I simply take a brush and set it nearby on a counter or coffee table etc. He knows. Jennifer

  13. This is a fantastic read. I am right st the very beginning of starting a FLR with my wife after 15+ years of marriage. She has consented to read a book on this topic only to decide if there is anything she can do or support. I know her primary Reserva is being able to physically harm me. She is completely opposed to the idea of punishment although she is a bit open (reluctantly) to the idea of me doing 'yes ma'am' as it's me doing something, not her.
    I don't want to push her into using punishments early on, but any tips or experience from others who have been through a similar reluctant mindset?


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