I think every girl's dream is to find a
bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore. - Taylor Swift
Hello all. Welcome back to The Forum. Our weekly gathering of men and women who are
in, or interested in being in, a Domestic Discipline or Female Led
Relationship. I hope you all had a good week.
We had a good discussion last
week, don't you think? We got some
really interesting comments on when punishment is likely to work and when it
may not. I really liked this observation
by ZM: "In short, I think punishment will modify behavior if it makes the
risk/reward ratio of the behavior unfavorable." It seems so obvious, yet there is a very
elegant wisdom to it.
A couple of weeks ago,
GeorgiaFella made posted this comment: During punishment spankings for being
neglectful, or through preemptive spankings designed to help keep me
"good," I never cry (and, yes, the spankings hurt plenty!). But my
voice does revert to the remorseful, submissive tone of a little boy as I
repeatedly and sincerely AGREE with her criticisms by timidly voicing a long
series of "Yes, Ma'ams," and "No, Ma'ams." So, by being
reduced to a boy, I am restored as a man. And my wife's "tool of
restoration" just happens to be a very reliable pine paddle featuring at
least two dozen airflow holes!). There's something very powerful about motherly
care. My little boy feelings and responses come very naturally and immediately
as she escorts me by my ear to the bedroom. It took a long time for her to
embrace her role as a spanking wife, but when she finally got that she can
inflict pain within the context of motherly love, it all clicked for her."
I know this topic may make
some squeamish, but I think it's still worth exploring a couple of aspects of
it. First, do GeorgiaFella's comments
resonate with the Disciplinary Wives? Is
there a "maternal" aspect to wielding your Domestic Discipline
authority? Or, is the idea of being
maternal toward your spouse a turn-off?
For the men, do you see any
aspect of the maternal influence in your desire to be disciplined by a strong
female authority? Growing up, was your
mother the disciplinarian? Do you think
that has anything to do with your DD desires today? And, what about the idea of being reduced to
a "little boy" during a spanking?
Does that concept resonate for you?
For me, there are times that
the idea of a DD wife as the "strict mom" I really didn't have does
resonate. But, I don't think that, at
its root, it's about the maternal aspect.
Rather, it is about wanting an authority figure--any authority
figure--who sets the rules and enforces them consistently and who has
sufficient "executive presence" or other power or authority that the
punishment is inevitable and resistance futile.
While the "strict mom" archetype serves that role, so would an
aunt, teacher, school principal, or any other authoritarian whose power or
position was sufficient to make me submit.
Now, my wife seems to share
some of the proclivities of GeorgiaFella's wife. While we haven't talked about it in detail,
from time to time she talks about using DD to reduce me to a "teen-age boy
who needs a spanking from his mom."
She has compared me to a teenager who mischievously pushes buttons just
to do it, then acts surprised when she gets fed up and does something about
it. As I said, we haven't talked about
it in detail, but I do get the sense that she does cast her disciplinary role
in a somewhat maternal light.
I hope you all have a great
week.
My wife Janet always treats and makes me feel like a young teenager when she takes me to the guestroom for a spanking .
ReplyDeleteHi Ben. Any specifics on how she does that?
DeleteShe always scolds me before the spanking and I have to strip then she walks me naked by the arm to the guestroom where she likes to spank me ,This always makes me feel like a little boy who is in trouble with his mommy ,once there she has a straight back chair she sits in scolds me a little more then over the lap go she has a paddle she uses when through I have to stand in the corner - this always I guess brings out the little boy in me !
DeleteAbsolutely there is a maternal element to the punishment side of things (or even when "lending a hand"). When it gets more sadistic, it's still maternal but now it's taking vengeance on a male who would hurt her child! Being maternal is who we are... Bur sex is NOT maternal for me - that's a different part of me!
ReplyDeleteHi Julie. Good to hear from you. "Being maternal is who we are . . ." That may explain why my wife seems to gravitate toward seeing me a boy who needs discipline.
DeleteIn answer to your questions: yes, my mother was the disciplinarian while I was growing up and yes, I do think that has something to do with my DD desires today.
ReplyDeleteI do not think of my girlfriend as a mother substitute though. I think you are right when you say: "it is about wanting an authority figure--any authority figure--who sets the rules and enforces them consistently". However I would not say "any" authority figure, but one particular authority figure, with whom I have an intimate and loving relationship.
richard
Thanks
DeleteI don't know if this is a true generalization - "I think every girl's dream is to find a bad boy at the right time, when he wants to not be bad anymore. - Taylor Swift' But it sure describes the situation when we got togehter.
ReplyDeleteI can't say that at the moment I met my wife I wanted not to be bad anymore. But, I changed course pretty quickly after meeting her.
DeleteWhen I met my wife the "bad boy" part of me was buried. I was actually in dire straights emotionally and in general at the time. My self esteem was too depleted for any bad-boy energy.
DeleteHowever I told her about my spanking needs early in the relationship. Within the first couple of months of being seriously together and incident came up where the Bad Boy really asserted himself. Her response was to assert her disciplinarian self in a powerful way
We had only one implement at the time - a spoon shaped paddle. I did not realize that she had been using it pretty gently up until then. I was shocked by the real, no-nonsense spanking I got. She is quite the natural and when true discipline was needed I got it.
l know she would not say the "bad boy" has been eradicated. And I know she likes that part of me more than dislikes it. But undoubtedly that paddling set the tone for me getting my life back together.
This gets at a point I was trying to get at a few posts ago. I have always thought that the reason I gravitated toward DD was a need for someone to impose boundaries. But, there is a difference between channeling behavior and eradicating it, and eradicating aspects of the husband's personality might actually work to the wife's own detriment. Women *like* bad boys. But, bad boy behavior can cross a line, going from attractive to annoying, hurtful or dangerous. So, a wife who likes his inner Bad Boy wouldn't be well served by stomping it out of him entirely, but it *would* serve her interests to have a way to dial him back in when he gets out of control.
DeleteExactly.
DeleteI have 5 adult children, and I wouldn't consider myself as a "strict Mom" at all. When I began my relationship with Shilo almost 5 years ago, I don't ever recall feeling "motherly" towards him at all and after 4 1/2 years of being married, I will say that while I do occasionally nag him like I was his Mom, I still don't feel that way towards him. I have WAY too much fun spanking him.
ReplyDeleteI don't think mine felt "motherly" toward me when we met. I think that may have changed over time.
DeleteI guess we are different here. Both parents were the disciplinarian when I grew up and I do not feel that my childhood spankings were the root of my adult spanking fetish. Aside from my last childhood spankings at the hands of my Aunt, my adult spanking fetish stayed hidden until much later in life. While being spanked for punishment now, I do not recall childhood or even teenaged discipline sessions. My spanker/life partner/Dominant Mistress was a mother and I'm sure punished with spankings may feel motherly, but I do not think so. When we entered into our 24/7, female-led, DD relationship, it was as adults knowing our respective roles. Myself, following a high stress career in a leadership role, needed to reverse my role and submit to another making rules and decisions. I also needed to improve my general behavior. She took easily to the role of HoH, and disciplinarian. Knowing my faults and needs, she had no problems adopting her role and dishes out punishments like a professional.
ReplyDeleteActually, I'm not sure we are that different. Though, it may depend on what you mean when you say your adult spanking fetish "stayed hidden" until later in life. If you mean you had the fetish but didn't tell anyone, then you're right, we're different. But, if you mean you didn't know have it or did not know you had it until later in life, that's my pattern as well. Though, I do think my "fetish" is more for "discipline" than "spanking" per se.
DeleteLike you, I don't really recall childhood or teenaged discipline sessions. I am pretty confident I was not spanked at all as a teenager, and I recall only two or three when younger than that, and I remember only one with any real clarity. I know my mother did spank me (every mother in that era and that area of the country did), but I don't think it was very often.
Like you, my DD resulted from needing some role reversal in response to a high stress leadership role, though I'm still in mine.
I put this question to my wife and she said she has never seen anything maternal about this. She says part of her willingness to spank me hard is through seeing me as a man who is able to take the pain, no matter how intense it becomes. If she saw me as a boy, her protective instincts would take over and she would struggle to motivate herself to dish out the pain. This is not to say little boys shouldn't have corporal punishment used on them, but it is substantially less than a fully-grown man.
ReplyDeleteI don't see her as a mother figure in the spanking either. I see myself as taking my punishment the way an adult male should, i.e. willingly, rather than a small child kicking and screaming.
Thanks, Anonymous.
DeleteRosa has said that she definitely sees a maternal aspect to the discipline. I can say that when it happens, her choice of words emphasizes my role, not only as a sub......but as a 58-year-old "boy". We do a lot of Femdom stuff as well, and that does not seem to have any maternalism attached at all, but anything to do with behavior and punishment for misbehavior fairly drips with a maternal essence.
ReplyDeleteEven Ana has admitted that while our extremely disparate ages, and my position as her step-father, sort of negate any feelings of her being 'maternal' towards me when it comes time to issue a slip, she has admitted that she does feel like an authoritative "big sister" at those times......and I think the 'maternal' psychology to that is very similar.
I guess you could say the sentiments here fit quite well with what Julie said previously.
Agreed, your sentiments do dovetail nicely with Julie's. It's hard for me to separate out the elements of our relationship between DD and something else whether Femdom or FLR. But, that may because our relationship doesn't have a lot of what I would consider "Femdom" elements, though the line between Femdom and FLR is obviously fuzzy, though I do think they are not really the same thing.
DeleteMaternal Influence? My opinion is that it plays a huge part whether people are conscious of it or not. Consider that the hairbrush is the most iconic of all spanking implements. Why is that? It's certainly not the most powerful/effective implement. Yes I know that for sure it works just fine. But it's not the "biggest tool" in her arsenal by a mile.
ReplyDeleteIt is what "Mom" had handy. Usually right out on the dresser or otherwise right there. She mostly used it to, ta da, brush her hair. Unless it was a household with a dedicated spanking implement, like a strap hanging in the closet, Mom just grabbed the brush.
That's an interesting point regarding the hairbrush. Because it is so iconic, it would be interesting to know how many men who are into DD were actually spanked with one as children.
DeleteInteresting... I was not spanked with a hairbrush as a child. Parents used bare hand or for serious offenses, my Dad would use his belt.
DeleteAll women possess that maternal Matriarch instinct which makes them natural disciplinarian , and I would say men never lose that naughty child instinct.
ReplyDeleteThe pair are naturally linked and we just need to overcome our inhibitions to connect them.
I agree with Glenmore about there being an instinctual aspect. Feminine energy is Gaia - Earth - essence of Life. The ultimate nurturer of "Life" in the big picture sense. Gaia is tough and can be ruthless in doing what must be done to protect Life. In the macro-world sense Gaia will destroy anything that threatens her charges. Gaia is love and Gaia is discipline for the purpose of keeping healthy order in her world. It's HER world.
DeleteGlen, agreed on the value of overcoming inhibitions.
DeleteAnonymous, I like the analogy, including that protecting a person or a relationship or a system may very well require a certain toughness and ruthlessness.
Anonymous: Really? Try selling that to all the women who marched so recently. If this is REALLY Gaia's world, then where the hell is she? seems just like any god/goddess......she's sitting this one out.
DeleteDan
ReplyDeleteI have never felt Anna was a "MOM" substitute. When she disciplines me it is because she and I have made an agreement. When I break the rules of that pact, DD is the how I can be brought back. I dont always want or agree about how and when and how much. But I agreed that should I break our agreement, then there will be discipline. Just as in the service being talked down or given punishment never made me feel the Lt. was a dad or father and yet I addressed him as Sir.
DD often feels like I used to feel as a boy when I was sent to bed without dinner. Then later after the family had eaten, Mom or Dad would come in hug me tell me they loved me. Even as a teen it made me feel like a boy.
Peter
Thanks, Peter. As I said, I don't see mine as a mother substitute either, though I do think that a major part of the attraction of DD for me is being subject to some authority I can't resist, whether it be maternal or some other authority, like your military example. I do wonder sometimes whether I would my anti-authoritarian streak had I experienced the military chain of command? Or, would I have been one of those who spent must of his enlistment in the brig before being thrown out.
DeleteDAN
DeleteI WOULD IMAGINE YOU AN PETER WOULD BOTH BE IN THE BRIG, AND THEN RECEIVED YOUR BRUISES!
ANNA
Hi Anna. No doubt. No doubt.
DeleteI believe one important factor is how your wife was disciplined.
ReplyDeleteMy parents were not severe and I was spank very little. But my wife grew up a strictly strict family. She has been severely disciplined for almost 14 years.
She applies the discipline she has received in me today.
Well
That's a good point. We have talked a lot about how childhood disciplinary experiences may make the men more disposed to DD, but the same question applies at least as much to the wives.
Delete